#1693 - The Connection Between Empowerment And Humility

In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros embark on an intimate journey through the complexities of empowerment and humility. But what does it mean to be genuinely empowered without succumbing to the pitfalls of arrogance? How can we embrace humility without diminishing our self-worth? It’s a chat about self-belief, humility, and the intelligent way to handle success. It’s a lesson for everyone, especially those learning to grow.

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Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:27) Empowerment overshadows humility
(5:52) The bee's knees
(9:06) At a similar rate
(12:25) Don't take it for granted
(13:30) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
(14:32) Humility says, arrogance says
(16:25) Humility, work ethic and grit
(18:19) Be very careful with this
(20:27) Paradoxes of life
(25:

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1692, how to Not Quit Very simple title. I enjoyed that episode very much. Today, for episode number 1693, the Connection Between Empowerment and Humility 1,693, the connection between empowerment and humility. So Alan and I met and we had an hour and a half to record two podcast episodes. And you're probably thinking to yourself that should be nothing. No, we had, did we have two hours? An hour and a half Hour and a half Hour and a half to record two podcast episodes Should be but a walk in the park. And we went deep and we're having hyper conscious conversations for like an hour and now we're going to hammer out two episodes quick.

Speaker 1 0:52

But this was one of the things that we were talking about, because we're realizing that one of the things that's really affecting our self-worth is going on podcasts or just being around someone who is super, super, super, super, super empowered but has very, very, very, very little humility. Empowerment is great. Empowerment means you're learning and growing and evolving and you're leaning into yourself and you're valuing yourself more. That's all amazing, but it can be a dangerous game if all of that comes at the detriment of humility, Because then you think your shit don't stink and you think you're the best the bee's knees. You think you're the bee's knees and you might be the bee's knees, but humility is, I think, owning that with grace. And we were going through the Rolodex of relationships and friendships and partnerships and all that stuff Guests and hosts and all this stuff and we were talking about the times that we've felt the worst, the times that we've been rubbed the wrong way, the times that it's really made us feel dirty. After you said energetically dirty.

Empowerment overshadows humility

Speaker 2 2:09

So sometimes you would get off a podcast interview and you'd feel like you were energetically taken advantage of. That's the best way to describe it. I know it probably sounds a little too intense, but I've felt that way at times where it was what just happened, your days, you know there was something energetically that was distortion and delusion it didn't feel right, it didn't feel right, yeah, and we're not saying don't be empowered.

Speaker 1 2:36

What's the goal of this podcast, at the end of the day, is to help you empower yourself. But, as we've mentioned before, when you gain a new level of confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, self-belief, whatever it is boundaries. It can be a tool that you do not know how to use yet. It can be a weapon that you don't know how to control yet. And here's the this is the interesting thing. There are such things as fake empowerment. I guess that's one thing. Definitely Fake empowerment, I would say, is probably arrogance. Definitely when? If you've met someone who says, well, I'm going to be myself, because if somebody can't handle me, that's on them. From a fundamental, I do agree. Agree, I think you should be yourself. And if somebody is triggered by that because they're mirroring what they're getting mirrored from you, that's that's one thing. But there's a difference between saying I'm going to be authentically me and I'm going to be over more than I am because I'm convincing myself that I'm actually being authentic. That make sense.

Speaker 2 3:48

Yeah, it's the the way. I think everyone knows this is picture the person, and we've all been guilty of this. I certainly have the swagger of a college kid when I was.

Speaker 2 3:58

I went for for Halloween. I was one. I had this open button down, I had a bandana around my head and I started partying earlier in the day and I probably started drinking around 11 and then we went to it. We had parties, on parties, on parties this is college spring break type of thing and we had graduated. And I just remember that night I was very empowered. I had just graduated with high distinction, I achieved one of my dreams, to get a computer engineering degree, and it was such an empowered place, so empowered, and it was beautiful out and it was right after the winter, so it was spring in New England. It was gorgeous and we played sports all day, drank all day, partied all night. It was gorgeous and we played sports all day, drank all day, partied all night and I was the bee's knees, quote unquote. I felt like the bee's knees.

Speaker 2 4:52

I had bravado, the swagger of a college kid. The problem is I didn't understand how that might come off without humility in the other direction. In the other direction, I behind the scenes, with close friends. You would know I'm a good-hearted person who wants what's best for everyone. But if you met me on the surface you'd assume that kid's a dingo and only my close friends knew that I'm not. That's just me, not Halloween. But it might as well have been Me being the swagger of a college kid, that I'm not. That's just me, not Halloween. But it might as well have been me being the swagger of a college kid, me going fully empowered, me just saying screw it.

The bee's knees

Speaker 2 5:33

I worked so hard for this. I'm going to enjoy and relish in all of it, but I probably did it with some bravado, some attitude, some my ass don't stink type of stuff. And what I'm trying to share with everyone is we've all swung the pendulum where in private we've been really insecure and unhappy, and then in public we overswing and we end up these my ass don't stink, I am the man or the woman and we put on a show. And what if we could get to a place where we don't put on a show? I really was celebrating. Some of that was authentic, but some of that was I'm going to act like the cool guy when, deep down, I'm probably not feeling like the cool guy.

Speaker 2 6:15

And then on top of that, you've got the alcohol and the parties and the girls and all that stuff, and I think it's just important to have humility in the other direction and I wish that I could talk to my younger self and say Alan, it's awesome to be empowered, it's awesome to be smart, it's awesome to achieve, it's awesome to achieve your dreams, and don't let anyone take that from you. Celebrate when you do, but you've got to have humility in the other direction. When you're flying high, life is going to come and knock you on your ass if you're not careful with humility in the other direction. So the humble version of alan would have drank a little less.

Speaker 2 6:53

The humble, humble version of alan would have still celebrated, but he would have done it from a centered, authentic place instead of this puffer fishy over the top, my ass don't stink, type of thing. And again, I'm not trying to beat myself up. I mean, every college kid does that to some extent. And when you're at a party, that's kind of the place. And, kev, you've joked about how rappers basically get to flaunt their egos for a living.

Speaker 1 7:17

For a living, and it's cool, and it's cool.

Speaker 2 7:19

And it's cool. And it's not only cool, but it's accepted and we all have that part of us. So when you're listening to rap and you're feeling it, I'm the man and blah, blah, blah. But you need to have humility in the other direction, in real life. This isn't a rap video. In real life you got to have humility in the other direction.

Speaker 1 7:35

I think alcohol is again. Don't clip this and make this the only thing you hear. Alcohol is empowering Empowering from the phrase of you feel like you can do anything, you feel like you can have any conversation and you kind of feel like everybody owes you something, because it gets rid of the parts of you that have critical thinking skills and you know what it doesn't do. Bring any humility. I know Quite the opposite. You get rid of all humility. Liquid courage, liquid courage.

Speaker 1 8:07

Tara and I were watching the Bruins game was on last night, so Alan and I are recording this. On Friday, the Bruins played Thursday. It was on at 8 o'clock. I didn't know that. I thought it was on at 7, so I thought I missed the game. We were, I don't know. There was a commercial and Paris Hilton was on and I said Paris Hilton looks really good.

At a similar rate

Speaker 1 8:24

I'm surprised because I know there was like a major party phase and I was like, well, I don't know, isn't she only like eight years older than me or something? Maybe, maybe not even. But the reason I'm bringing that up is you want to talk about somebody who had the ultimate amount of empowerment from a young age empowerment, financially, empowerment from resources, empowerment from opportunity all of those things. Not the most humble person? Fame, fame. And again, if I was a bajillionaire when I was a little boy, would I have been humble? Probably not, probably not, but just throwing it out there. For this episode and this example, for all of that opportunity, for all of the empowerment, we need an equal level of humility, but it's really hard when you aren't the one who earned that. And again, I'm not making that wrong, who knows, I think about it all the time. If I was Justin Bieber and I was 13 and I was the most popular person on the planet, I'd probably be peeing on cars too. Who knows what I'd be doing.

Speaker 2 9:27

So I'm not making that wrong.

Speaker 1 9:29

But this is the problem as your empowerment increases, your humility has to increase at a similar rate or you'll end up arrogant, unfortunately, because just because you're empowered does not mean that's where you actually are. It could be a momentary thing, right, you get a raise at your job and then you're flying so high and then you go out and you spend a bunch of money on something you shouldn't because you're not humble. It's not well, okay, yeah, I just got a $27,000 raise over the course of the year. I should really save that money. I mean, that could be a down payment for a house if I save that money. That's very humble. I just got $27,000. I'm going to go to Vegas and gamble it all away. That's not necessarily humble. And again, you do, you. It's your money.

Speaker 2 10:23

So I have a client who achieved a ton in a very short amount of time. I've had actually several where they really did achieve a lot in a very short amount of time and I'll keep this anonymous, but I had one client once who went from 6K a month to 30k a month in a matter of four or five months. I had another client who made 450 000 in a single week. I had another client who went from five grand a month to like 25 grand a month over the course of just a couple years, and then a lot of things happened. When covid happened, one of those clients lost at least half of their income, but their bills stayed the same.

Speaker 2 11:04

A humble person, first of all. How can you not be empowered? One more story of a client recently. So one client got a new job $9 raise then got another new job and is running their own business now and they got engaged and they bought a house In all the span of like a year and a half or less. It's probably like a year and a quarter, maybe even a year. How can that not go to your head at least a little bit? I do, I get it, I do, and I've had things go to my head too, and as I've matured, I've worked really hard. So we crossed a million dollars and a million listens and I worked on this behind the scenes and I said remember, it's humility and work ethic that brought that.

Don't take it for granted

Speaker 2 11:45

Do not lose the humility, the work ethic and the grit that brought that, because then it's all going to go. Don't take it for granted. Don't take it for granted. Don't take it for granted. Humility says remember where you came from. Humility says this can be taken at any time. Humility says don't forget what built this. Humility says just because you just had a big pay day or a big quarter of big month doesn't mean you shouldn't invest it back in the business and be intelligent with your purchases. Humility says I'm not going to forget where I came from and what got me here and I'm not going to forget about the fundamentals. Arrogance says I'm going to quit going to practice because I just won the championship baby. Quit going to practice because I just won the championship baby, and then next year you are going to get stomped in the championship because everyone else who lost doubled down on grit, work ethic and humility.

Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:

Speaker 2 12:50

And so I often joke I've said this before, I'll say it again lost my first fitness show, super humble. Won my second fitness show, super empowered, won the overall. It was by a significant margin won, won, won. Did a great job, came in first place and then lost my humility, was empowered again and then lost my third show. I think that makes sense, and if I were to do it again, I bet you I would have won my fourth one, because I'm coming off an L. I would have came off an L and I would have been afraid to lose, and the one that I won was the one that I thought I wouldn't win. How ironic, how paradoxical. And so, at the end of the day, I want you to be empowered. Kevin wants you to be empowered, of course, but you need to have humility in the other direction, because and I was telling this to Kev earlier if you just achieved level 10 success, you need to have level 10 humility in the other direction. If you just achieved let's say, the economy crashes and you lose your job and you're down and out and you're at rock bottom, negative 10, you need empowerment at level 10 in order to climb out. And so the way that we can manage ourselves in a mature way is okay, I'm empowered at level six. I'm going to make sure I'm humble at level six too, so that I can stay centered. So positive six and minus six equals zero, which is centered, and so the Stoics call this Stoicism.

Humility says, arrogance says

Speaker 2 14:12

This doesn't mean not to celebrate. This just means what I did with that client, that was winning. I said congratulations. This is a huge dream come true. We were talking about this a year and a half ago and, holy crap, by the way, it happened way quicker than you guys thought. Awesome, awesome, awesome. But let's not forget it was the work behind the scenes on Saturday mornings, when no one else was watching, that did this. It was you not getting guac on your burritos. It was you saving those extra money. It was you investing in the coaching. It was you doing the spreadsheets and the tracking. That's what really built it. So let's not forget what built it. Let's not forget what was beneath the iceberg, and let's stay humble, but also, hell yeah, let's celebrate too.

Speaker 1 14:52

It's the. The sad part is it's really easy to be humble when you're not empowered. It's very easy. It's very easy to be humble when you don't feel like you have anything going for you. If anything, maybe you're self-deprecating. We've talked about that before. But to Alan's point, I don't want anybody to feel afraid to be empowered because as long as you know that oftentimes the more empowered you get, the less humble you get not by design, it's easy. I can imagine it's super easy. I'm sure I've lost. I mean, we talk about the Brendan Burchard event where we went to a Brendan Burchard event came back I was super empowered, the most empowered I'd ever been, ever, ever, ever, ever, and I wasn't very humble.

Speaker 2 15:38

Yeah, I lost prep for this speech. I lost. I lost humility, I lost I lost humility.

Humility, work ethic and grit

Speaker 1 15:44

And then what happens? You get knocked down and you lose some of your empowerment and you realize, oh my goodness, the reason I lost that is because I wasn't humble enough. And then, hopefully, the humility fills in the gap. But you can start from a place of I'm level 8 humble and I'm level 2 empowered. Alright, well, let me get level 3 empowered and let me try to stay level 8 humble and then level 4 empowered, level 8 humble. You can try that. I would say that's a really good place to work from. It's a really good place to work from Because I a really good place to work from because I've told people this before no matter what you do, it's going to be very, very, very hard for you to ever be arrogant.

Speaker 1 16:29

But when you are arrogant and it might happen you will recognize it and it will be so uncomfortable that it just won't last that long will recognize it and it will be so uncomfortable that it just won't last that long. I said that to a team member recently a new team member on the call. I said just be very, very careful, because this is what's going to happen. You are going to be poured into so much on the team and everybody is going to be super supportive and everybody's going to pour into you and pour into you and pour into you and hopefully you're going to be the most empowered version of yourself you've ever been.

Speaker 1 17:01

But what we have seen in the past is when that empowerment starts to reach a tipping point, the humility doesn't always come with it, because it's a new place that maybe you've never been before. I'm the most empowered I've ever been, but that's. This is a seven year journey. You might be the most empowered you've ever been over the next four months and it gets weird and then you don't know what's real and stuff gets to your head. It happens to all of us. That's usually my warning for someone who comes on the team, Because most people who come on the team are very, very, very humble. That's usually the way it works. But one of the reasons, unfortunately, that a lot of the team members are super humble is because they're just not very empowered yet.

Be very careful with this

Speaker 1 17:46

They haven't been empowered, they haven't had people around them who pour into them, they haven't had people who believe in them, who fill their cups, who tell them amazing things. So we're at the stage now where it's understandable. We're not making it wrong in this episode. It's understandable If you're getting something you've never gotten before. Obviously it shakes things up a little bit, and I'm as guilty of this as anybody Alan's guilty of this. Everybody is, I think, to some degree. I just don't want anybody to villainize humility or to villainize empowerment, because those are two amazing things, but they do have some level of connection and oftentimes, when one's really high, the other one isn't, unfortunately.

Speaker 2 18:31

Kev canceled the show earlier to try to make up for and prep better for our show. And when you did it, you said I can't forget where we came from and I can't let this keep happening because, yes, yes I, this will be the last thing I share. I know we gotta jump. I had a therapy session with my therapist on thursday today's friday, so yesterday and I had that moment of I'm feeling really good, everything's good, I feel great, things are going well.

Speaker 1 19:02

My relationship's great, my body's great. Yeah, don't need it and then I.

Speaker 2 19:07

And then the humble part comes in and goes don't forget, you're gonna stop the thing that made the biggest difference. Yeah, that. That is so natural. That happens with coaching all the time. You've been tracking habits for years. You're rocking and rolling. One of the one of the biggest mistakes I ever made was opening monthly coaching. Some of my clients went to monthly and then eventually went to none. I'm telling you the the team, we all track habits. Do you really think you'd be a habit tracker? Let's be honest Any of the team members that are out there listening right now, would you really track habits if you left the team and weren't around a bunch of other people who also track habits? Do you know how much easier it is to track habits when everyone does it and when there's reports being sent, when you have a coach who holds you accountable? I have a client I was on with earlier today. He's coach who holds you accountable. I I have a client I was on with earlier today.

Paradoxes of life

Speaker 2 20:03

He's been tracking habits for two and a half years, but I know that if he canned the coaching he would have, it would go habit tracking would go and that's the reality just like if I canceled therapy, then I would stop climbing and and making the progress that I've been making. So humility says I don't care what championships you win, you still got to go to the gym and practice your craft. You still got to try to get better. And so humility says get better regardless of whether you win or lose. And empowerment is wonderful and it's important. And if you're down and out, you need belief and empowerment. If you're flying high, you need humility. And if you can do that dance and stay centered, you are going to be making progress consistently over time and it's going to be much better than if you allow that pendulum to swing and too far on the extremes.

Speaker 1 20:51

You've been using the word paradoxical a lot lately. Is that a favorite of yours? Big fan, big fan of paradoxical.

Speaker 2 20:57

A lot of life is paradoxes. It's very paradoxical. You need self-belief, but having high self-belief comes with a huge weakness, which is arrogance, and so you need humility. It's very hard to be good at both of those simultaneously, so it's very paradoxical. Yeah, it is very paradoxical. Big fan of that word, I'm okay with it is very paradoxical.

Speaker 1 21:17

Big fan of that word. I'm okay with it. I'm all right.

Speaker 2 21:19

I started using that word because of you.

Speaker 1 21:21

I know.

Speaker 2 21:22

Oh, okay, very humble of me to accept that. Very humble of me to admit it.

Speaker 1 21:29

I taught Alan that word? No, I didn't.

Speaker 2 21:31

You watched a video about paradoxes.

Speaker 1 21:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the barber who, if he cuts every man's hair in the town but he doesn't cut his own hair, does he cut every man's hair in the town? Something like that. I don't remember it. If you are interested in joining Group 15, I believe it's what July 9th, first week of July 9th, tuesday, july 9th, tuesday, july 9th, it starts. It is the best, it's the best way to put it.

Speaker 1 22:02

I think it's a really good opportunity for all of us to dip our toes into coaching and if I, looking back, had never had a coach, or even if I did, I think it would have served a really important purpose, because you get around nine other growth-minded people and you really feel like you're growing. And we talk about this type of stuff. It's not all tracking habits and external stuff. A lot of it is, but a lot of it's also the internal stuff, talking about the drive to five, talking about confidence, talking about self-belief, self-worth. So it's holistic, just like the show. So if you've been thinking about it and you want to get your spot locked, click the link in the show notes.

Speaker 2 22:54

The website is ready. You can lock your spot for $96 per month is a big deal. So strong work group 14. Imagine what your life might be like if you can pick habits that really matter Wow Matter and you have a whole team of people supporting you and keeping you accountable to tracking those habits. So yeah, shout out to group 14,. Strong work Group 15 starts July 9th. We hope you join us. Habit tracking is the way, it's the best habit of all time Of all time.

Speaker 1 23:25

Also, we're changing it to 5 pm Eastern Standard Time.

Speaker 1 23:28

So, we'll announce it more and more as we go, but meetups are now going to be 5 pm. Eastern Standard Time. Book club's the same. Yeah, I don't think anything else is changing. I think that's it Okay. Well, those are the two. All right, tomorrow for episode number 1,694, what if you don't actually want what you think you want? It's going to be another hyper-conscious episode which I'm very excited for. So tune in tomorrow for that. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2 24:04

Stay centered, next time, on Nation.