Next Level University

#1694 - What If You Don’t ACTUALLY Want What You Think You Want?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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When we embark on a journey toward success, we often envision a destination lined with accolades, recognition, and the trappings of fame. But what happens when our chosen path reveals unexpected truths about ourselves and our desires? In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss this compelling narrative, where they delve into their transformative journey from hunger for significance to embracing a humbler success.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Group Coaching - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Group 15 - starts on (Tuesday) July 9th, 2024 at 5 PM EST.
Discount Code for NL Group Coaching (30% off): NLULISTENER

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:40) Significance-driven
(4:15) What you learned on the journey
(7:45) Discovering true desires
(11:20) At NLU, we want you to win, so we’re providing tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
(12:41) Feeling insignificant
(15:04) Achieve it to realize
(17:18) Aspiring dreams and self-discovery
(21:09) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation . Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University , where we help you level up your life , your love , your health , andrew , well , we hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode , episode number 1693 , the Connection Between Empowerment and Humility . Today for episode number 1694 , what if you don't actually want what you think you want ? 694 . What if you don't actually want what you think you want ? So , psa , I believe that's public service announcement . We're aiming for 15 minutes on this episode . Okay , father-in-law's over . Father Pops , I call him Pops , father-in-law . He's over for dinner . I don't want to be too late , because what ?

Speaker 2

are you having ?

Speaker 1

I don't know what we're having Macaroni and cheese , maybe Mac . I don't know what we're having Macaroni and cheese , maybe Mac and cheese , and that was his request . And a little barbecue chicken on it , I believe . Pretty excited about that , all right . So Alan and I were having a deep talk before we recorded this episode and we were talking about what can I do for you ? There's sunshine .

Speaker 2

Something you need .

Speaker 1

I was just scratching my .

Speaker 1

I have a tall glass of Keep your mouth closed . We had a deep talk before this , you and I , as we do , just wasting precious time recording time . If we rented a studio , by the hour we would be broke because we would never record the episode . We just have deep talk and we were talking about how , tying into a little bit of the previous episode , we were talking about being significance-driven and for those of you who don't know , being significance-driven is you really want people to see what you're doing and you want to get attention for what you're doing Probably the best way to put it . And we were talking about how , at the very beginning of this journey , I was definitely very I don't know if I'd say very , I was . I like to think that I was very significance driven For me . That's my truth . I was very significance driven . I would take my shirt off at any , any breeze or spilled drink . My shirt was coming off . I wanted my car to be loud because I wanted people to see it . I was significance driven . I wanted my car to be loud because I wanted people to see it . I was significant .

Speaker 1

And Alan said isn't it interesting how we crossed the million listen mark last week and I still haven't done a post about it and , honestly , I don't know when I'm going to , because I don't want it to be hey , look at us , we crossed a million listens . I don't . I don't want that to be why I do it . I want to have the moment where I say , all right , it's time to share this . And it hasn't been that yet . But I'm telling you right now , when I started , if we hit a million listens in the first day , I would have lost my mind . I would have had a cake , I would have had balloons , I would have had fireworks . I don't

Significance-driven

Speaker 1

know if I want to do that .

Speaker 2

You would have kept real close , you would have held on to your humility .

Speaker 1

Yeah , my humility would have gone right out the window .

Speaker 2

Based on the last episode .

Speaker 1

Even Taryn asked me . She said what do you want to do ? And I said I don't know if I want to do anything . I said normally people would buy balloons , let's say a million , or whatever . I don't know if I want to do that . I don't know if of that connecting that to today's episode is . It's weird how , when you get what you wanted , sometimes you realize that you didn't actually want that thing , but the journey that you took in order to get that thing filled in so many of the voids that you didn't realize you had . And there's a million examples of this . You hear people say money doesn't buy happiness all the time , but everybody wants to find out for themselves . Alan and I are guilty of that . Jim Carrey has a quote where he says I hope everybody gets rich and famous and succeeds and gets all their dreams to come true , so they can realize that's not the answer , something like that Paraphrasing Go ahead , you can say it .

Speaker 2

You something like that Paraphrasing Go ahead , you can say it . You probably know it . I hope everyone , I wish everyone could get fame and fortune so they would realize it's not where they're going to find their sense of completion .

Speaker 1

That's better than what .

Speaker 2

I said it was a commencement address done , I believe , in 2005 .

Speaker 1

But you might be out there thinking honestly I would rather give it , I'd like to give it a shot .

Speaker 2

Yeah , maybe , maybe my completion .

Speaker 1

My sense of completion is in there . Understandable , understandable completely . What you learn on the journey is probably worth

What you learned on the journey

Speaker 1

the journey . But it's almost like when you get . When you get what you set out for , you realize that you really don't need it anymore . And that's the really weird thing . And I don't know if it's because it took us seven years to get to a million listens . So it's not like we started the podcast and then by the end of the year we had a million listens . So there wasn't enough time to see the contrast . We track our listens every day and we were in 900,000 for a minute , so it's not like we went from one listen to a million .

Speaker 1

I think that's a really key component to it when I've had to grow . For every great thing that I've said on the podcast that anybody was like wow , that was something valuable . I've had a million of those behind the scenes that I've had the opportunity to learn . I've learned . I have learned more from this podcast than anybody else on the planet other than Alan .

Speaker 1

Shout out to each and every one of you listening I hope you learned something , but it couldn't possibly be as much as we've had to learn in order to get here , because when we leave and you're done listening to us for the day and you go about your life , we go about our life and then we're trying to learn more so when we come back we can have valuable episodes . So it's not like I don't know . I just feel way different than I thought I would at this stage of the journey . In many ways I feel way more successful than I thought . In many other ways I feel way less successful than I thought I would . But I also understand that when I do get that level of success , it's probably not going to feel the way I thought it was going to feel . And again going back to the previous episode , it's very paradoxical .

Speaker 1

Because if you didn't want it in the first place , would you have done enough ?

Speaker 1

to actually get to the place where you realize , oh interesting , I don't really care about that , or that isn't really how I wanted it to happen . So , quick example . And again , please , please , excuse the nature of this example , it's just the best one I have and I know I've said it to people before and they've been offended . I don't mean it by that , but I think it's a good example of something that we kind of have all seen . This happened to me today .

Speaker 1

I was on with the next level social media team some of the next level social media team not everybody , but I was on with Jerry and Nicole and I was screen sharing . We were going through Canva , we were working on some stuff , and I was on my Facebook and I noticed there is a person I am friends with on Facebook who has a history of wearing very low-cut shirts . This is a female and there's usually a lot of cleavage going on . Okay , and again , you do . You , that's your life , that's your choice , but it's fairly obvious that this is a play for significance . And again , I used to be the dude who would take my shirt off If you spilled your drink , the . And again , I used to be the dude who would take my shirt off If you spilled your drink . The drink wouldn't even be out of the cup yet and my shirt would be off and I'd be like where's the spill ? Because that's where I got my significance . I got my significance from my body .

Speaker 1

But here's the interesting thing that person probably is looking for significance Men , women , I don't know right but is the attention , the significance they're going to get actually the type that they want ? Is it going to be respectful , thoughtful , kind ,

Discovering true desires

Speaker 1

or is it going to be the arrogant energy that we talked about in the previous episode , the disrespectful energy , the scarce energy , the toxic energy ? That's a really good example of you might not want what you actually think you want and you thinking that might teach you what you actually want along the way . So again , pardon the example , but it's genuinely the best one I have that I think will actually resonate with most of you .

Speaker 2

So we've got seven minutes on the clock . This is one of my favorite topics in the entire world because I think it's to Kevin's point what you mentioned already . It's very paradoxical . I'll speak for Kevin and I as young American males . Statistically speaking , I think young American males tend to be very significance-driven . We're taught from a very young age particularly I was born in 88 , you were born in 89 .

Speaker 2

So in the 90s the American economy was very booming and we once interviewed a guest who was born in Canada and said the reason why I wanted to come to the US is because everyone in the US aspires to big dreams . Now , is that true ? No , definitely not . But I would say and I also interviewed I didn't interview , I coached someone from australia . I've actually coached several people from australia now , which is cool .

Speaker 2

But she used to say we have something called tall poppy syndrome and what that means is don't ever talk about your dreams , don't ever talk about your goals , don't ever talk about your income , don't ever talk about how you want to be a millionaire , any of that stuff . And in the us , for we went the opposite way and we said everybody should be a millionaire and we got very entitled in some ways and , again , hopefully , anyone who's in the US doesn doing very , very , very well . During the dot-com bubble and I was taught aim high , get an education and you can change the world , you can make a difference , you can achieve big goals and dreams , and I believed it and that is true and that is a lot of the reason why we're here today and that's awesome . But the paradox is is that I remember I would watch these movies when I was a young boy . I've talked about this a lot . My sister was the most popular girl in my high school and I will say that candidly . She was beautiful and she was friends with everyone .

Speaker 1

Everybody had a crush on Alan's sister , for sure Myself included , maybe , maybe .

Speaker 2

This is , by the way , the first I'm hearing of it .

Speaker 1

You can't punch me from where you are , and if you did , you'd have to put me down .

Speaker 2

So I was Krista's little brother and she was very , very popular and she was a senior when I was a freshman and I've talked about this before , but I still am hoping to hit puberty at 36 , so you can imagine what I looked like at 14 . So I was short , prepubescent little nerd , loved computers and video games and my sister's friends gave me pity dances . I've talked about this before Now . Back then I was significance driven because I felt so insignificant and I think that that's okay , I don't .

Speaker 2

If you are out there and you feel really insignificant , it makes sense that you are going to be significance driven because you want to feel like you matter . I remember I wanted to feel like I mattered and I felt like my stepdad , I didn't matter . And at school

At NLU, we want you to win, so we're providing tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meetup every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.

Speaker 2

I didn't matter and I got bullied and I didn't matter . And I remember thinking one day I'm going to matter and that's where it started this dream of being . I often playfully on other podcasts will say I had two trajectories . I was going to go down and there's actually a funny story about how Kevinvin has back then actually derailed my trajectories .

Speaker 2

So I was . I had two trajectories and I never used to share this because I was embarrassed about how weird I am . But now I'm just owning it and I meant this . This was actually my intention , genuinely , I wasn't just talking , I was reverse engineering this . These were my two paths I was going to do lawyer , politician , president , or I was going to do engineer , mba , ceo of a Fortune 500 tech company , like my hero , steve Jobs . Steve Jobs is no longer my hero . In some ways he is . In some ways he's definitely not , but the point is is , back then he was .

Speaker 1

Him and .

Speaker 2

Bill Gates . I used to argue with my friend about who was in high school . Those are my two trajectories . Little side tangent . I know we got to go . Kev , you're good , you're good . Kev was in the jury during a mock court case In law class . During law class my sophomore year , and he derailed my dreams of being president .

Speaker 1

You didn't convince me I could have been president maybe . No , you didn't convince me , that's on you .

Feeling insignificant

Speaker 2

You , you lost your first case . Your best friend was who I was again .

Speaker 1

You should have and you were gonna vote for him , no matter what the jury . I should that should have been . You were biased , rookie shit I came in . That's the first thing they ask is are you , are you at all biased towards one way ? Nobody ever asked me that . Of course I am . It's my best friend , you were , it's on you , you're his best friend weed it out better than that so , anyways , I played the long game because of how insignificant that I felt .

Speaker 2

And what's ironic is and paradoxical is , as you become more significant in life and you achieve more and more of your goals and dreams , you realize that that's not really why . And and to kevin's point , we both had to make six figures to realize that wasn't the answer . It was an answer . And without food , water , shelter , it's a big deal and it's important , and so we're not lessening .

Speaker 2

Kevin and I refuse to ever get to a point where we are winning and successful and then forget what it was like where we started . And if you don't have , there's a hierarchy of needs , human needs and food , water , shelter is number one , and if that isn't taken care of , that's okay . Go get those first . And then there's another , it's called Maslow's hierarchy of needs . I actually have a different one that we use in group coaching , but the point is is that no one starts at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs , which is dreams and goals and purpose and mission . So eventually you achieve these things , you climb this ladder , you climb this pyramid , whatever metaphor you want to do and then you realize , okay , six figures didn't do what I thought it was going to do , but you had to achieve it in order to realize that it did stuff .

Speaker 1

Just maybe not the stuff that you thought it was going to do . It doesn't mean it didn't do stuff , Just like your dream relationship . I'm willing to bet that your relationship , which is your dream relationship , it's probably delivered you a lot of things that you thought , but I guarantee it's delivered you a lot of surprises that you didn't Definitely .

Speaker 2

I think that's everything . Definitely there's upsides and downsides to everything . There's yin and yang to everything . I never thought in a million years I'd be the less hardworking person in the relationship . That's been really weird . That's been alarmingly weird for me . I actually do like it . It's better than the alternative , because I've been on the other end and I always felt like a pain in the butt to everyone I dated and I probably was to be honest . But

Achieve it to realize

Speaker 2

at the end of the day , all Kevin and I are saying , because we got to jump here , is some of your goals are going to start off as maybe a little immature and ego-driven . That's okay . That's okay . That's where we all start .

Speaker 2

I was a young boy watching the Rock going I want to be jacked . Who doesn't want to be jacked as a young boy ? When they feel insignificant , there's nothing wrong with that . I watched Matthew McConaughey movies . I watched Reign of Fire . He was this bald character who was jacked and it was 2002 . And I got dismissed from middle school to go to the movies and I was like if I could be like that one day , I'd be significant .

Speaker 2

And then you are . Now I'm in my mid-30s and I look like that and it's different . I'm telling you it's very different . It's not what I thought and I achieved my dream and that's great . But you realize that the whole point of dreams and goals is for the person you become and the impact you can have . And if you can mature your way there quicker , do it .

Speaker 2

But sometimes you're going to have to get that car to realize that's not going to do it . You have to get that six figures to realize that wasn't the answer . And then eventually you just kind of get it . Okay , this is an infinite game . This is a mountain that never stops . What I create also creates me , and I'm just going to grow and contribute as much as possible and have the highest quality of life as possible . And when you're a young boy or girl , you have aspirations that are driven by what you see a romantic comedy where the guy is so kind to and you you know young girls who want to have a wedding . That's all fine , but that home , dream home wedding , whatever it is , all that's fine . We're not making that wrong . What we are saying is just the growth journey requires that you aspire and that's all . The last thing I'll say is you have to aspire to something greater than than what you're living right now , and if you don't , you won't grow .

Speaker 1

And if you don't grow , you won't learn who you really are and what you're really capable of when you said that's the last thing I'm going to say . I looked at the camera and everybody watching on YouTube and I said definitely not the last thing he's going to say .

Speaker 2

And then you said something after that and I said no , no , no , you had a part two .

Speaker 1

And then from now on , we're going to set a timer

Aspiring dreams and self-discovery

Speaker 1

for five minutes and you're going to try to get as many words in as humanly possible , because it's funny for me , because you're like , and then you hammer it and hammer it , and hammer it . I enjoyed it very much .

Speaker 1

I appreciate you condensing for me so I can be off for dinner . I do appreciate it very much . Last thing , before we hop like Alan said , it's not that you can't shouldn't aspire to anything . Just don't be surprised that if and when you do accomplish it , it's not really what you thought . And last thing , one of my favorite quotes I don't know what's harder trying to get something and not getting it , or trying to get something , getting it and then realizing it's not what you thought it was . I genuinely don't know which one of those is harder , but we might as well give it a shot , because what you're going to learn on the way is probably going to be some of the most valuable things you ever learned , and that is a deep belief that we have . All right If you are interested in a positive group of humans , a positive community of people who are continuously trying to lean into authenticity and being themselves , which is one of the hardest things in the world . We have a private Facebook group called Next Level Nation . We'll have the link in the show notes .

Speaker 1

Group coaching around 15 starts on July 9th at 5 pm Eastern Standard Time . We'll have a link in the show notes for that . We'd love to have you . If you've thought about coaching and don't know where to start , this is a really , really , really good step . It's kind of dipping your toe into coaching . We've had people do it three times , four times . So wherever you are in your growth journey , your coaching journey , it journey , your coaching journey . It is for you . So we'll have the link in the show notes . I don't know what we're doing for tomorrow because we're out here jeffing , but it's going to be a good episode .

Speaker 2

As always , use promo code NLULISTENER for 30% off . That's promo code NLULISTENER for 30% off On the group coaching On the kick drum . Come , come on the kick drum , as always on the kick drum .

Speaker 1

Come , come on the kick drum . Um , as always , we love you , we appreciate you all so very much . Uh , and at NLU , next Level University , we do not have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow keep chasing dreams .

Speaker 2

Next Level Nation .

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host