#1707 - Is Your Adversity Your Advantage?

Could the obstacles we face be the keys to unlocking our most profound strengths? In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros plunge into the deep waters of adversity and its surprising role as an asset in career and personal development. Through the lens of cross-generational wisdom, they unpack how struggles faced by individuals across different eras can forge resilience and create a competitive edge, bringing forth a rich narrative of the most profound strengths and hidden potentials.

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Digital Asset:
"Silver Spooners" Versus "Scrappers" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiDQDLnEXdA

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Show notes:
(2:08) Adversity makes other adversities seem easier

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1,706. It may not be your fault, but it's your responsibility. Today, for episode number 1,707, is your adversity your advantage.

Speaker 1 0:24

I don't know about you if you're out there, whether you're watching or listening, but I know I definitely grew up with some people who did not have a lot of adversity when they were younger and I think that when life got heavy as it does later on it probably seemed more heavy than it actually was. I think one of the things that adversity really does for us. And again, contextually, some adversities are far worse than others and some are far more traumatic than others. I'm not negating that or lessening that, but I do think that adversity makes other adversities seem easier. So I used to play baseball back in the day and there are these things called donuts that you put on your bat and when you're in the warm-up circle you throw a donut on there, you throw a couple donuts on there and you swing your bat. The goal is to make swinging the bat harder, so when you go up to the plate, it's far easier. The goal is to make swinging the bat harder. So when you go up to the plate it's far easier.

Speaker 1 1:29

And I remember I used to put two donuts on and I'd swing it a couple times, just get the feel, and then you boom, you slam the bat and the donuts fall off and then you go up to the plate and your baseball bat feels so light. I think they've done studies and proved that that actually doesn't help. I don't know. I think they've done studies and proved that that actually doesn't help. I don't know. I think they've done studies that that doesn't help. But as an example, I think that's a really good example of way to discredit your metaphor.

Speaker 2 1:54

I you know, I gotta, I gotta keep you sound like me it's funny.

Adversity makes other adversities seem easier

Speaker 1 1:57

that's an. It's an example, like this john lennon story no, I'm not sure it's true. Yeah, yeah, but but the the lesson remains. The lesson remains the same, whether or sure it's true. Yeah, yeah, but the lesson remains. The lesson remains the same, whether or not it's factually correct, but I think that's a really good example. I think playing on hard mode when you play on easy mode, it's a little bit easier, and or playing on hard mode when the hard isn't as hard, later on it seems easier. So ultimately that's kind of what we're talking about today Is your adversity your advantage? Why does someone who goes through a lot end up using that as motivation, inspiration, as fuel to get to the next level, versus why does someone who goes through a lot not do that? Why does someone who doesn't have a ton of adversity use the lack of adversity as adversity and then grow and evolve into something more, versus somebody who doesn't grow up with adversity at all, just end up being overwhelmed by life? That's kind of the conversation for today.

Speaker 2 2:58

So there's a lot of I guess rhetoric would be the word out there about the different generations, and I've been studying a lot of leadership over guess rhetoric would be the word out there about the different generations, and I've been studying a lot of leadership over the last several years, and they're talking about how the workforce now globally has five generations in the workforce simultaneously, and this is the first time in human history where that's been the case. So you've got the baby boomers, that many of them are still working. These are people in their 60s, 70s and 80s I think, 70s and 80s now. Then you've got Generation X, which is people in their late 40s, I think mid 40s, 50s and 60s now. Again, don't quote me on this.

Speaker 2 3:39

Then there's the millennials you and I, sir, the millennials, those folk, those folk who grew up kind of with the internet but kind of not. Then you've got Gen Z, which is the internet babies. It's like Brandon would be a Gen Z. He's in his late 20s now. I think he's 26, 27. Something like that, I don't know, and then I don't even know the other one. But there's 26, 27. Something like that. I don't know, and then I don't even know the other one. But there's baby boomers, oh, and then there's the parents of the baby boomers Builders, I think, is what they're called.

Speaker 1 4:17

Again here's my point.

Cultural and generational diversity in the workforce

Speaker 2 4:18

There's five generations working in the workforce simultaneously, and there's far more females in the workforce than ever before, and so the cultural diversity and the generational diversity is wild. It's it. It was never like that in the past, and I think it's something like one out of every five households actually has the stay-at-home dad instead of. And again, please, again, I, please, again. I'm not. I didn't do a research paper on this right before I said it, so no one quote me on this. This is just what I've studied over the years. Okay, it could have changed. Kevin and I are very careful with this stuff.

Speaker 1 4:56

When you talk a lot. When you talk a lot, you have More opportunities to be wrong than right.

Speaker 2 5:03

Clip the last 30 seconds out and then show a research article that proves it wrong, even though when I said it is two years after I read it, which is two years after you clipped it. It's a whole thing Again, at the end of the day, it's security through obscurity, because there's a lot more things people are saying that we have to worry about than Kevin and I, not to mention. I don't think anyone cares, but anyway. So what's my point in all that? There's a lot of talk, rhetoric, conversation around the Gen Zs, and particularly the millennials, are soft and I had a mentor one time, 73-year-old. His name was Dr Robert Scott. We actually interviewed him. You can look it up. We interviewed him way back, which was really fascinating Written 23 books, traveled the world five times, just been around, been there, and I used to get dinner with him every Friday night and we would go to this buffet.

Speaker 2 5:58

This place was bomb. If I could remember the name of it, you would definitely know it. It's in Milford, I know it. Okay, you do know it. This place had. I mean, this was bodybuilding heaven, man, it was great.

Speaker 1 6:13

Was it the Chinese buffet? Yeah?

Speaker 2 6:16

But sushi they had crab legs they had it all.

Speaker 1 6:19

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've been there many a time.

Speaker 2 6:22

Yeah, it was a blast, so he treated. I appreciated it and back then I needed him to treat. But I would just ask questions and he would tell me all these things. He would say you don't understand how different things are now. He used to say things like the airports back in the day, flying was a big deal way back. Everyone was dressed nice, it was like an endeavor. When you were flying you were treated so well, the airlines treated you so well, he said. He said the truth is.

Speaker 2 6:53

And for the older listeners out there, I know some of them are my clients my youngest is 18. My oldest is 63. And for the older listeners, I do this in book club all the time because we have a couple older people in book club and I don't mean that as a negative. By the way, my 63-year-old client's more pumped for her future than most people in their 20s. It's age is just age, but the truth is they've been around. They were around for the 90s and the 80s and the 2000s, and not only were they around, but they were adults. You and I were around for the 90s, but we weren't adults. We were playing Pogs and Pokemon cards, man. We didn't know what the hell we were doing. So. They say this and they confirm this in book club.

Speaker 2 7:35

They say they basically say standards have really dropped Human beings back, and this is what Dr Robert said to me. He said they don't make them like you anymore, and I was. Well, what do you mean? He said back in the day there were a lot of people who had large aspirations and who who were well kept and who cared about respect and who cared about how they presented themselves and who cared about being articulate and who had a better vocabulary and academically inclined intelligence is a focus. He said there used to be a lot of people like that. He said that has really gone astray. He doesn't know if it's because of rap or what, but essentially what he says is the truth of the matter is, whether people like it or not, the standards have seriously dropped in terms of excellence when it comes to the way we hold ourselves. Okay, it became really cool in the nineties, for some reason, to not give an F. Okay, I think that's the stupidest thing ever. That's my truth.

Standards have dropped

Speaker 2 8:34

Now for us, try hards out there, myself included, who just want to be better and better and better. Uh, the point of this is that that our generation is known as soft and lackadaisical and not excellence-driven, and so I often get asked when we're in airports and stuff like, are you in the military? And I think the reason why they would say that is because of the way I had my posture and the way I held myself. I actually just got off an interview with an ex-military and there is a different standard that is upheld in the military for personal hygiene, things like that. So what's my point of all this? Adversity is your advantage. What I do believe to be true is that the Gen X and this is the rhetoric, not me, but I do believe there's truth to it Baby boomers were after World War II were extremely hard on their kids.

Speaker 2 9:29

So I want to put this in context. So I looked this up once. Covid only killed, only killed, that's the wrong way to phrase it. Covid has been devastating. I don't want to say anything otherwise. Okay, but I looked this up because I'm big into history. I want to understand numbers. I always have and all the listeners are really starting to understand that. World War II I looked it up 84 million people were killed as a part of the entire World War II situation COVID in total, globally. Last time I looked it up do not quote me on this, this is the last time I looked it up and I asked A-L-E-X-A. Okay, where it's? 6 million? Now I'm not saying that COVID wasn't devastating. What I am saying is that everything is relative.

Speaker 2 10:24

Baby boomers came back from World War II. Whatever country you're from World War II, pretty much everyone was impacted to some degree, some more than others, obviously and they came back and they were harder on their kids on purpose, because they knew that their kids were going to face some stuff. And they were traumatized a lot of times. Ptsd, and again we didn't know. In the early mid. Ptsd and again we didn't know. In the early mid-1900s we didn't know there was some procedures being done. I'm big on history so I learn about the silly stuff we do. So there was this thing, kev, where if you were mentally ill or mentally hurt, they would stick an ice pick in your eye and try to sever your emotions from your brain. This was happening in the 1900s. It's ridiculous. So just it's like putting leeches on your skin to cure illness. We were just ignorant, super ignorant. We didn't know what the heck we were doing as a human consciousness. Okay. So my point is is that baby boomers were super hard on Gen Xers. I mean super hard on Gen Xers statistically speaking, and then Gen Xers, overly compensated by everyone, gets a trophy.

Speaker 2 11:29

Let me worry about your self-esteem, let me worry about your mental health. Are you good? Do you feel good about yourself? You get to kind of pick what you want in life. You can do anything. You set your mind to, type of stuff. It's just an over swing, and so kevin and I like to show both ends of the pendulum so that you get to choose. Are you hardcore, hardcore, gritty, grind it the F out like my grandfather, six days a week, every week, on the week, earn every dollar.

Impact of adversity on generations

Speaker 2 11:56

Grew up during the Great Depression, lost both his parents by the time he's 15 years old and has to take care of his daughter not his daughter, his younger sister. Or are you like some of the people I've coached in the past, that they never had any adversity? Their parents hid every challenge about money from them. Their parents suffered in silence and had mental health challenges that they never shared, and they were completely. They're called bubble kids. They were wrapped in a bubble and protected from every hard truth. And the bubble kids, quite frankly, kev, are in a lot of trouble when adversity strikes. But the people who weren't protected from anything, hello, we have trauma that we haven't dealt with, and I'm concluding myself in that.

Speaker 2 12:42

Okay, so I'm grateful I was not a bubble kid. I was the opposite of a bubble kid. I was faced with every hard truth very quickly, and a lot of that comes from having a parent who died when you were a baby. So I was only two when my father died. So I was born into there is no Candyland, fairytale life. I was born into a place where there was suffering and trauma very evident. Okay, so I was never going to be a bubble kid. I was, if anything.

Speaker 2 13:13

Listen, life is brutal and bad things happen and there's nothing you can do about it. So you better prepare yourself and you better. You know toughen up buttercup and that was my upbringing to an extent that I could not share in a public medium. Now, that was my upbringing to an extent that I could not share in a public medium. Now, for people who are on the other end and they were bubble childs I realized later, kev, when I'm coaching them, you are in so much trouble Because this is the first time you've experienced death and you're in your late 20s. The only time you've ever had a death of a loved one is like your goldfish when you were a kid. You have a lot of growing to do emotionally, and so how do you find the happy medium between adversity is your advantage, versus adversity causes trauma that actually creates really negative habits and patterns that actually perpetuate trauma. And so how do we break that cycle is what Kevin and I, I think, are trying to do here.

Speaker 1 14:11

Well, it's another one of those conversations of which side is easier to work from towards the middle. Is it too much adversity or not enough adversity? What is easier to become self-aware in, what is easier to overcome the traumas of? I think lack of adversity becomes an adversity. I do, I think it can.

Speaker 1 14:36

I do think it can, because if you don't learn how to lose when you're young, I think it's a lot harder to lose when you're old older, because you have more of an ego and you're more afraid of judgment. When you, we did an episode on this way. Way, way back we did an episode on is America? Has America gotten soft? This was like in the 20s, I think A long, long, long, long time ago In the 20s meaning episode numbers.

Speaker 2 15:05

Oh, in the episode. Yeah, episode 20s. This was back in the 1920s. We were back in time, probably 2017. I doubt America was soft in the 1920s.

Speaker 1 15:15

No, but I think there is such thing as too hard for sure.

Speaker 2 15:19

It is.

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Speaker 1 15:19

It's how do you take the experience that you had, very similar to what we talked about yesterday? How do you take the experience that you had, very similar to what we talked about yesterday? How do you take the experience that you had and make sure you don't?

Speaker 1 15:36

pass it on to someone else or pass on the opposite yeah, it's like okay, my, my dad was never there, I didn't have to me, I didn't have a dad, I didn't, my dad wasn't around. If I was to have children, would I? I didn't have a dad, my dad wasn't around. If I was to have children, would I be the overbearing helicopter dad who makes sure his kids never experience anything, because I don't want you to have to deal with what I dealt with. That's not necessarily productive for my hypothetical children either, but yeah, I think it is.

Speaker 1 16:03

It's one of those things where life is going to be challenging. There are things that are going to happen. Most likely you're going to lose people. I think that's kind of going to happen for all of us death wise and other other ways and at least the more familiar you are with adversity and resistance, the more you know how to handle it and you know how you naturally react. That's where I would go in this episode is your adversity can be your advantage, not necessarily from the highlight reel movie aspect of you do this wild thing and you defeat the boss in the final round and like woo, yeah, then the end credits you started off really rough, you had the workout. What is it when you have like a workout Montage, montage, the music's bopping, and then you defeat the final boss in the last.

Speaker 2 17:03

They do something special with movies when the character finally gets their life together. They're on the treadmill, they're eating healthy. None of that is real.

The familiarity with adversity and resistance

Speaker 1 17:14

That might be like a day in time and that's good. That's good, but usually it's because they had a ton of adversity. One of my favorite movies growing up it was called Never Back Down. Never seen. Never Back Down no, it's a fighting movie and it's a kid who has a troubled past Absentee parents I don't know if both or just one Gets into fights and is very much looked down on.

Speaker 2 17:41

Not expected to be a lot starts training martial arts Seems to be a trend with your movies back in the day, 100%.

Speaker 1 17:45

Anything in martial arts, I'm in and it just happens.

Speaker 2 17:48

Warrior best martial arts movie in the game, Great movie.

Speaker 1 17:52

Wildly, wildly unlikely.

Speaker 2 17:56

But most of the good ones are. If you can look past that, though, that movie's world class.

Speaker 1 18:01

That's pretty much every movie. But the kid goes on a journey where he's already pretty low. He starts to creep up and then he goes lower than he was before he gets kicked out of the gym for fighting. He goes viral and he ends up doing the montage with some cool music fighting the final boss, beating him and then getting the girlfriend. It's like, ah nice, good for you, man.

Speaker 2 18:21

Strong, work, strong work, strong work, great work.

Speaker 1 18:24

But-.

Speaker 2 18:24

Now you have to sustain that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Build a family. That's not real. That's not real. Deal with CTE.

Speaker 1 18:30

Don't assume that your adversity necessarily is terrible and again, even that it's such a hard episode to do because I know some people who have had terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, unspeakable adversities but that doesn't mean that you are the adversity. It doesn't mean that that's you. It doesn't mean that that's your identity. Many of the adversities are things that happen to us. It doesn't mean that that's your identity. Many of the adversities are things that happen to us and if we can disconnect that from I am this, I'm not a fatherless man who grew up in a lower middle class setting. That's not who I am.

Speaker 1 19:16

Those were things that I dealt with. Those were parts of my environment, but you are not your environment. You are not what has happened to you. You are not what is going to happen to you. You're not what is going to happen to you in your, in your future. Those are things that have happened to you, but it doesn't mean that's who you are. So that's really where I would go in this episode. We quickly because this is this is the point that we decided on you watch the ted talk on silver spooners versus scrappers that's why we decided to do this episode.

Speaker 2 19:46

That's right. Can you hit?

Speaker 2 19:46

it very quickly, yeah so there was a ted talk. I wish I I would have to go back to my youtube history to find this, but the idea was this hr director who had been working in hr for 20. And she said at the beginning of the TED Talk, who would you hire Person A from Yale Ivy League 4.0, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom professional. Or would you hire this person who moved here, worked as a singing waitress, moved here, worked as a job hop, job, hop, job hop, and the whole premise. It was really cool. She broke down during the TED Talk and if anyone's curious, I'll find the link and I'll put it in the show notes.

Reshaping your outlook

Speaker 2 20:34

She said in HR we created these two labels for people Resumes that came in Because we get hundreds of resumes, thousands of resumes, whatever. How do you pick the right person when you've never met them Because you've got to interview them. Then you've got a second interview, third interview Corporate actually has quite a process. It makes sense. You're making a huge investment in. Every company's biggest expense, by the way, is payroll. It's always the case's like almost no companies where that's not the case, except for certain tech companies. I can't get into it, but the point is is payroll is their biggest investment. Investing in your people is the biggest investment. So you got to pick wisely right. But how do you do it?

Speaker 2 21:11

And so she said there's the silver spooners and there's the scrappers. And she tries to make an argument to pick the scrappers. And I used to say this way back this was kind of my young, 20-year-old ego version. I said the world doesn't run on 4.0. It runs on 3.4. Meaning people who learn how to be effective with less. 4.0 is all you do is study. You have no life. 3.4 is I found a way to make it work and I was well-rounded.

Silver Spoons vs. Scrappers

Speaker 2 21:42

Now again that's an overgeneralization. Again, don't quote me on that, but are you a silver spooner or are you a scrapper? For me, I'm definitely a scrapper. Lost three families by the time I'm 14. Had such low income that I got free lunch at school and was shopping at Salvation Army. Mom had to trade in her BMW for a Honda Civic. Figured it out, made it work, broke college student.

Speaker 2 22:07

It is what it is, but adversity was my advantage. Very last thing I'll say on this episode Whether you're a silver spooner or a scrapper, own it, face it. Maybe your adversity is not having much adversity, and I know some people like that and I'm telling you they are soft compared to me and I can tell they have a huge disadvantage At this stage. They genuinely do. I thought I thought we had a huge advantage, a disadvantage. Kev. Growing up I thought I had all the disadvantages Not all of them, obviously, not all of them. Big brain in a free country with equal opportunity. I appreciate all that, but I thought I had many disadvantages. I didn't have a dad, everyone else on Father's Day. I thought I had so many disadvantages and I remember thinking why me? Oh, my God, this is brutal. Now, in hindsight, oh, I have a huge advantage you can't even focus for four hours at a time. I'm going to be fine, this is going to be great. So the scrappers are winners. I believe in scrappers so much more than I believe in silver spooners.

Speaker 2 23:11

Brandon is a scrapper. Shout out to Brandon on the NLU team. That dude can grind. He's run a mile a day every day for almost two years Rain, sleet, snow or shine. Brandon is a scrapper. That dude's going places. He just needs some guidance. I like scrappers Big fan, always have been Kev. You're a scrapper for sure, definitely the opposite of any silver spoon, and to me I can do way more with people like that. I know some really lazy geniuses and I just can't with those people. You're just resting on your laurels and again. So last thing I'll say I promise your adversity is your advantage or your lack of adversity can become a disadvantage, and I think you got to face whatever it is.

Speaker 2 23:53

If you had a lot of adversity. Face it. Heal the trauma, keep the benefits. That's me. If you are a silver spooner, face the fact that you were and try to work really hard to overcome your lack of adversity by seeking challenge. Set big goals. Stop taking handouts. Earn it yourself. Do hard workouts, get on the Stairmaster. There's a way to do it. And the last thing I'll say I promise I said that six times. There's a way to do it. And the last thing I'll say I promise, I said that six times.

Speaker 2 24:22

If you had tons of adversity I've seen this too and you don't have self-belief, you might be a part of the ACE score Adverse Childhood Experiences and the ACE study is well-researched. You can look it up. A lot of kids that have high ACE scores Adverse Childhood Experience scores end up having early mortality due to drugs, alcohol, addiction problems, reckless behaviors, things like that. So there is some truth to adversity is not always your advantage. Sometimes adversity is just adversity and trauma, and that's where mental health and therapy needs to be injected, the work is going to be different.

Speaker 1 25:06

Ultimately, the way that you uncondition what you've been conditioned, or when you uncondition what you've been exposed to, it's just going to be different. It's going to be a different prescription for everyone and ultimately, that's what we're trying to get to in this episode. That's the hard thing about this is there was a time where I probably thought no matter what your adversity is your advantage. I don't think that anymore.

Speaker 2 25:30

I think there is too much adversity, but there was a time in your life where you thought your adversity made it, so you couldn't succeed, no matter what.

Speaker 1 25:38

A hundred, percent, a hundred percent.

Speaker 2 25:42

So you just outgrew those limiting understandings.

Speaker 1 25:44

And I've worked on different things. Right, you've worked on different things, but that's I want to make sure that doesn't. That's not. The takeaway is no matter what, your adversity is your advantage, because, to Alan's point, there is too much. There are some people who they've probably they've experienced things that I can't even imagine. So I can't say that everybody has the same opportunity with that. I just don't think that's. I just don't think it's fair. So I want to make sure we stay centered on that.

Speaker 1 26:10

Okay, if you have not yet joined Next Level Nation and you would like to do so link will be in the show notes. I'm going to butcher the dates. July 9th is our next round of next level group coaching, round 15. If you use the promo code NLULISTENER, you will get 30% off Again the most affordable group coaching program we have ever seen. So we want to make it as affordable as possible so you can dip your toe into coaching. Maybe it's the first time you've ever done it and we want it to be a good experience for you Tomorrow for episode number 1708.

Different prescription for everyone

Speaker 1 26:49

Why do people stop chasing their dreams? If you're a dream chaser, which you are, if you're listening to this podcast, it might be super lonely because you don't have a lot of other people in your life that are chasing their dreams. Why not? When does that die? Why does that die? How come it doesn't live for everyone as long as it's lived for you, as long as it's lived for Alan and myself? We're going to talk about that tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans.