Next Level University

#1708 - Why Do People STOP Chasing Their Dreams?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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As we grow up, our childhood dreams sometimes slip away. It’s important to consider whether those dreams were ours or simply echoes of our younger selves. In their latest episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss why dreams fade and emphasize the importance of self-belief and intelligent planning in pursuing what once felt within grasp.

Links mentioned:
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Next Level Dreamliner - https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:10) Not meant to be or not real?
(5:59) Chasing dreams: Childhood to adulthood
(10:37) Potential and audacity to pursue
(14:48) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
(16:35) Self-belief, potential, adversity, and success
(20:40) Awareness of your capabilities
(23:19) Character and competence
(25:28) Resetting goals
(28:41) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode. Episode number 1,707, is your Adversity your Advantage? A little hardcore episode on a Sunday, but we want to get to the truth Today. For episode number 1,708, why do people stop chasing their dreams?

Speaker 1

Alan and I, when we met to come up with our topics for the weeks because we're doing a lot of episodes, because we're both going to be traveling a bit we were having a conversation about how we got so much love. Thank you to anybody who gave us love for the million-listen, million-dollar post that I did. It felt like the right time. I said, all right, cool, today's the day I'm going to do it, and I think one of the reasons posts like that are received so well is because it's a recognition of somebody who is chasing their dreams and accomplishing things along the way. And you and I were talking about that, and we were talking about how we were working.

Speaker 1

In the very beginning, when we were working on this, we knew a bunch of other podcasters and a bunch of other coaches and a lot of them aren't doing any of the things that they were doing before and they've kind of left this journey. And you said why do you think people stop chasing their dreams? And I said I don't know, brother. I think that's a really good question. I think it would make for a really good episode. I think, in the simplest form, maybe those dreams weren't chosen for them, maybe they were never actually real. One of the things I said to you behind the scenes. I said when you're a kid, when I was a kid, probably, I don't know I was still riding my bike, I was probably like 13.

Not meant to be or not real?

Speaker 1

74 years ago 74 years ago yeah, 1967. It's been 84 years I was convinced that I was going to play professional baseball and I was going to have a Winnebago, a big RV, and my friends and I were just going to drive around with our dirt bikes and our nice cars and our Winnebagos and that was going to be it. That was like my dream when I was young. There wasn't any thought into it. When I was young, my dreams were the things that I thought sounded the best. Like that sounds like that would be really good. And then I think we get injected with real life and we realize, oh, you need a massive amount of belief to do that and you need a lot of strategy. Like that's a really good goal to have a Winnebago and drive around and do all that and play in the major leagues. But I didn't have any strategy of how I was going to do it, I just wanted that result.

Speaker 2

Now that you are old and wise? I don't know.

Speaker 1

I don't know if I'm either of those.

Speaker 2

I'm one more than the other.

Speaker 1

Older and wiser.

Speaker 2

Do know if I'm either of those I'm one more than the other Older and wiser. Do you think you could do that, like if you take you now and go back there?

Speaker 1

I don't know. My mom and grandmother were convinced I could have.

Speaker 1

They always say that I don't know. Truthfully, as I got older, I wanted it less and less. I didn't want that. I didn't want to travel around and I ended up traveling potentially more than I would have if that was the case, but I didn't want that. I remember thinking to myself I don't want to be in a different city all the time and I didn't think I not good enough.

Speaker 1

Layer two is I don't really want that lifestyle, the money. I'm sure it would be really good, but I had a different idea of what I wanted in a family back then. So I don't know, I don't know. I think I would have been better at setting a dream, setting a goal, but I didn't have the level of self-belief back then. If I could go back, who knows, everything would be different.

Speaker 1

But I think that's one of the biggest reasons why people stop chasing their dreams is because they don't believe it's actually going to happen. They don't believe that it's actually real. I wonder if, because I've had those, I told you yesterday was a heavy day for me, not from anything negative, but because of all the love I was getting from the posts that I put up and I said just energetically it's weird, I feel super weird. I think the reason is I never really thought we were going to get here. I never really believed we were going to get here and I'm sure I doubted myself behind the scenes more than anybody realized in retrospect looking back. I wasn't. It wasn't. Here's the issue, or here's the resistance. Here's how I can combat it or fix it. It wasn't that it was.

Speaker 1

I don't know if I'm capable of this and those are two very different lives. So I think it's that. I think it's. I'm capable of this, and those are two very different lives. So I think it's that. I think it's. I'm not capable of achieving this dream. And the older I get, the more realistic and I'm putting that in quotes I get, and also the higher there's just more skin in the game. When you get older and if you quote unquote fail your dreams and you have a family, and you have a family and you have a household, there's a lot more detriment available than when you're 13 years old and you're just bullshitting with your friends about how you could have a winnebago and a bunch of sports cars. That's not real what were?

Speaker 2

what were all your dreams? What were? Because I had a bunch, I had a couple, I had two main ones, but then I had a bunch of other, just subsidiary ones, and it's cool because many of them I actually ended up doing, which is, you were very clear on yours.

Chasing dreams: Childhood to adulthood

Speaker 1

I I wanted to. My first one, I think, ever. I wanted to be a professional wrestler. That was was like my first one. I remember Nice Because I loved watching professional wrestling and I was like I could do that. For sure I could definitely do that. That I know. Then it was for a very short time. What was going to?

Speaker 2

be your wrestling name Rage, the Never Quit Kid. No, rage, yeah. Yeah. Tells you a little bit about where I was in life. Yep, yeah, and my finishing In the left corner, coming in at 190 pounds, 112 pounds, soaking wet 112 pounds.

Speaker 1

5'4" 5'6" Is rage. My finishing move was going to be the rage cage. Do I know what it was? Not really, but I knew I had a good name for it.

Speaker 1

So I wanted to be a professional wrestler. Yeah, there was a time I wanted to be a stuntman. Oh yeah, that's right, because again, I this is if you want to talk about the psychology of where I was as a child. I didn't think I was good at much, but I knew I could take a beating. That was it. I just knew I could endure high levels of pain. That was.

Speaker 2

I remember that's still driving you to the promised land.

Speaker 1

I remember when I was in I played freshman. It took me one year of football to realize this. Ain't it for me? I'm not supposed to be playing football Freshman year. There was this drill. I think it was called four corners or something. I don't know. You, somebody would get handed the ball and then you'd essentially get crushed by three people at the same time. Okay, I don't think my coach liked me very much in retrospect, based on the story that I'm going to tell. I was given the ball and it was. I'm just going to say first names, because you'll know it was uh tom, uh, tj, yeah, yeah, jay and ross, oh no, and I got the ball and all of these people were far, far. I mean, I was 140 pounds, five foot four. All of these people were grown men.

Speaker 2

They were all, and I remember going home crying that day there were more grown men than we are now A hundred percent.

Speaker 1

That's funny.

Speaker 1

Yeah, it was brutal, so I knew I could take a beating. So a lot of my goals were based on well, I think that's something I have, that's an intangible. And then I wanted to fight. I wanted to be a professional mixed martial arts fighter. So those are my big. What about the rapper thing? You want to be a rapper? No, that was never really a. I remember I bought my first microphone. Man, I was probably like 15, maybe 15, 16, I think, when I bought my first microphone and when I started practicing. But I never took it super seriously because I didn't think I could, I didn't think I was good enough. I was so afraid people were going to judge me that the whole white rapper thing I mean this was 20 years ago that white rapper thing was way more prevalent then than it is now. So no, I never believed that was possible.

Speaker 2

So why don't people continue pursuing their dreams? I'm going to read this. I'll go brief with it. But I, when you were talking, I was thinking to myself there's a part of my blog that I think would be super valuable In hindsight. I was kind of an odd child. I always had super large goals and dreams, not the cute I want to be an astronaut when I grow up, kind of dreams, but rather the is this kidkid-out-of-his-effin'-mind kind. I'll never forget the bug repellent my friend and I tried to invent with my science kit. Or brainstorming the video game. Another friend and I wanted to create Musket, the American Revolution. I'll never forget contemplating whether I wanted to go downett. I wanted to be an Abercrombie model one day. Or genuinely considering professional gaming. When Halo was big on Xbox you know the whole class laughed at me on the Abercrombie model thing I'm talking hard.

Speaker 1

I believe it. Yeah, in retrospect, people were not kind to you, dude.

Speaker 2

After the class, mrs Puckett pulled me aside and she said Alan, you're really good looking, you could do it. I'm so sorry that everyone laughed at you, dude, that was so bad. I can imagine, and I probably didn't show people how much that hurt. But guess what? You're a model 41 photo shoots. Yeah Right, I was a model.

Potential and audacity to pursue

Speaker 1

I wasn't an Abercrombie model by choice. Could have model by choice. Could have been also turned down. Love island, huh, no, anyways, egg on that class's face hashtag. Grateful for that. Yeah, I'm like oh shit, what is this?

Speaker 2

this is gonna go on national television, I'd be the self-improvement guy in love island, but and I also did semi-pro gaming for a time uh, truth be told, those are just a small fraction of the goals and dreams I've had, and as an adult it's been hard to realize how rare that is. These weren't just wild fantasies or empty words for me, these were honest aspirations I was genuinely considering. Back then, I thought everyone believed in themselves like me, and had huge dreams they intended to pursue. Unfortunately, I was very wrong. I turned 35 this year, and I now realize how naive that was. Having coached hundreds of people from all over the world, I now understand how odd and rare those thought processes really were, especially at that age. All kids talk about big goals and dreams yes, but most recently but most really are just dreaming. To put it more directly, very few ever did the mental and emotional work in advance to reverse engineer what those dreams would actually require of them, and even fewer decided in advance to make whatever sacrifices were necessary, and so the blog really helped me understand how weird that was.

Speaker 2

You were in my law class. I remember I was with a friend of mine, ryan, and he wanted to be an actor, and I said you could do it. He's like, really, you think I could do it? And I was like, yeah, of course Other people do it. He's like, oh, and that's. I actually thought in my brain. I didn't know this then, but I thought in my brain okay, you're good looking. No one in our high school thinks so because you were bullied. But you're good looking.

Speaker 2

You are exactly what Hollywood has been looking for. I watched movies. I watched film. I also have another friend of mine who wants to be a director.

Speaker 2

You could work in his film. Anyways, he said later on, years later, that I was the only person who believed in him and I actually drove to LA with him in my early 20s and he stayed out in LA for five years and he acted in some stuff and he sent me some of it and he never hit it big and I think some of that if I'm just calling a spade a spade is his lack of work ethic, and I've told him that to his face too. But at the end of the day, you obviously could, of course you could right if I wanted to be a successful actor and even that doesn't land For me.

Speaker 1

For me, I'm not saying for anybody else, but someone has to, I know. But even that that never landed for me. When you would say that, because it's like somebody's going to win the lottery, it's not going to be me, but it's not about lottery, I know.

Speaker 2

But there is some In the lottery. You can't increase your odds Fair In life. You can drastically increase your odds by such a significant margin.

Speaker 1

Yeah, fair, the lottery is always just a trampoline. It was always the trampoline of like yeah, but I don't know how this person got there. Maybe that's something. Maybe that's a blind spot for you is you're really good at strategy.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean if you want to. And yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean if you want to, and I also realize too, this is the the scariest thing ever to share there are. There is, uh, potential. So so all of us are born with a certain amount of potential and I would say, statistically speaking, I didn't understand how hot on the high end of human potential I naturally fell. But I don't want that to. I mean, I know people who have less potential that end up so much more successful than some people who have tremendous potential. I mean, I know some people from college that have more potential than you can imagine and they, they are extremely, extremely lazy and they did very little with it, and that sad saddens me. I can think of one person you know as well who could have had a D1 scholarship to any college on the planet and they broke every high school record, but they didn't end up doing much with it. And again, that's their prerogative, that's their choice.

Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:

Speaker 2

But at the end of the day, my blind spots are I believed in myself a lot. I was able to reverse, engineer finish lines. I wasn't just pretending I want to be an Abercrombie model. I saw blonde hair, blue eyes. I saw my physique. I knew that I was attractive. I knew that I could do that. And look at all the Abercrombie models Back then. They all looked like me At least me now, right. So I just needed to hit puberty. I knew that was going to happen.

Speaker 1

Eventually it took a lot longer than I thought.

Speaker 2

So you hoped, you hoped yeah, but at the end of the day you can, and I hope that this comes down to a couple things. One, you are capable of more than you think. If you're on kevin's end with the whole self-belief thing, like you could have been a professional baseball player, you definitely could. It's just, you just can't, unless you believe it, that's the irony now?

Speaker 2

can I guarantee you would have no, but what do you think the chances are? If you actually put in time and effort and believed it and really did the compound effect for 5, 10, 15, 20 years, do you believe what's the chances you think you could get into the major elite?

Speaker 1

Lower than you think?

Speaker 2

for sure, yeah, low 20% maybe, but what did you think our sure yeah, low 20% maybe, but what did you think our chance of success with starting a million dollar business was I?

Speaker 1

mean it was easier because you were here. It's different. It's different. If Alan's ever said something that sounds arrogant, it's not because he's arrogant, it's because he just believes in himself that much. That's just. That's just what it is. I say that on podcasts all the time. If you left, my goals would change immediately. If you woke up tomorrow and said, hey, kev, this ain't it, you're so much better at everything than I am, I need to go find something else, I'd say I understand, brother, I give you a little pat on the butt. I understand, man. No, I'm kidding. But if you woke up and said, dude, this isn't it, you're not the guy, my goals would change immediately. Immediately Would they be lower than?

Speaker 2

your potential.

Speaker 1

Probably Me.

Speaker 2

I don't know.

Speaker 1

How do you know, because that's my default.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it is hard to hit the accurate.

Self-belief, potential, adversity, and success

Speaker 1

It's fault. Yeah, it is hard to hit the accurate of your true potential, but I think that's why so many people imagine what I've been saying a lot recently. That makes a ton of sense to me now. I'm sure you've said this a million times. I don't know who this came from, but nobody is going to pay a price if they don't believe in the promise.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

I think that's the big thing is it feels so good after you get off a podcast as a podcaster, that episode 34, laurie Harder we just had a Laurie Harder on the show Holy crap, 34 episodes in this is amazing. That feels really good. Easy to believe in yourself when you're crushing, but then when you go home and it's two days later and you're editing the episode and you don't have any money, that's when the dream dies. The dream does not die when you're on top of the hill looking down on it. The dream dies when you're on your back looking up at, and I think that's why so many of us, unfortunately, I would have quit, I'm sure, if, if I know I would quit if you and I weren't working together, for for sure, it's almost like I just had a breakthrough, that a testament of your character is who you are when you're winning, a testament of your self-belief is who you are when you're losing 100%.

Speaker 2

And I think that I've finally reached a place in my life where I've actually done both of those well, whereas in the past we've talked about my overconfidence, arrogance when I was younger, you don't know. I remember as a kid. I'll just share this and some people will resonate with this, some people won't. I remember thinking to myself why is everyone else so bad at everything Like snowboarding? I was just better than everybody else didn't, but I didn't know why. You know what I mean. It's not like I snowboard more than you guys.

Speaker 2

I remember one time I had a friend. I borrowed his board. He had a much nicer board than me because I didn't have money and he had a board that was like 900 bucks and back then that's a, that's an expensive, nice burton x custom board and I remember I tried it and I was so much better on this board because I used to say it's the rider, not the board, holy crap, it's the board. And I remember at the bottom of the hill and I'm not kidding, this is how naive I was. I said dude, how do you suck so bad on this thing? I know that sounds like being a dick, I'm not kidding. I actually thought that, like, why aren't you better? I now realize that that sounded like a dick and, by the way, this person is a dick, so it is what it is. And, trust me, they were way meaner to me than I was to them. So, trust me, if you knew this person, it wouldn't bother you. They're fine. Yeah, they're fine.

Speaker 2

But the point is I remember thinking like, why aren't other people better at stuff? Video games, same deal. Dude. I was just really. We played James Bond and I would just win. We'd play Halo and I would just win. We'd play chess and I would just win, and I would just win at everything. And I didn't understand why. And I also cared a lot about being better at stuff. So I knew that was part of it. But now, as an older man, I've matured a lot and I now kind of get like okay, they don't believe in themselves. And here's the real conundrum, and this is where we'll end. Do they not believe in themselves because their potential isn't as high? Or do they not believe in themselves, which proves their potential will never be as high. Emilia and I had an honest discussion behind the scenes that I would be scared to share with everybody, but I'm going to.

Speaker 1

I said what if other people don't believe in themselves because they actually don't have the same potential?

Speaker 2

I think they have more potential than they think. Agreed, they do have more potential than they think, but I used to wonder why they don't believe in themselves as much as I do.

Speaker 1

Well, because in reality.

Speaker 2

I don't believe in my ability to be a bodybuilder like a professional bodybuilder. That's why I chose natural men's physique, because I knew that that's where I could fit. I'm never going to be a an nba basketball player. I purposely chose not to do professional snowboarding because I knew I couldn't do it well, that's I, you're just more aware of what your capabilities are.

Awareness of your capabilities

Speaker 1

I mean, let's, okay, let's, we won't go super deep into this, because I know it'll take all day. But how capable are you actually if you don't know how capable you actually are? You kind of it's almost like you kind of you're either going to overshoot or undershoot, and if you don't believe in yourself, like me, I always undershot, yeah, always. Somebody asked me the other day we were talking about self-worth and they said can somebody be successful without self-worth? And I said oh yeah, of course they can. They can be wildly successful without self-worth.

Speaker 2

It turns out, they can be wildly successful without competence too.

Speaker 1

Yeah, that's also true. But I said, I don't know how successful you can be without self-belief. Yeah.

Speaker 2

Believe it or not, you can be very successful without self-belief. It's inflated self-worth that's been hard for me to realize.

Speaker 1

It's networking.

Speaker 2

You can network your way very far in this life.

Speaker 1

Yeah, that's fair I've.

Speaker 2

I've coached some people that that literally built their entire career on just knowing the right people and thinking the world of themselves. These are the narcissists of the world, and I'm not trying to make this a bash on anybody, but you. You can succeed by just networking and building relationships and and holding bravado and ego. You can. I've seen it happen. I just didn't want to do that. As a matter of fact, that's one of the reasons I didn't like corporate is. The company I was at was a lot of that, and you really can just ego your way to the top. It's not okay with me and I didn't want to take that path, even though I've been on that path for a short time.

Speaker 2

To me, it's character and competence. That's what matters. Who you are when no one's watching is what matters most, no matter what. And once you have that, now you got to go be super successful too and serve the world in a positive way, and to me, those are the two pillars that need to be there. It's success and fulfillment. But back to the original point of why people don't achieve their dreams. I think they don't believe in themselves enough. I think they don't have other people who believe in them during their dark times. I think they don't know how to actually do it. I think they overshoot or undershoot to your point and I also think the lack of humility. If you have a lot of humility, you have a huge advantage because you'll actually get a coach.

Speaker 1

You'll actually you'll actually go ask someone who's already done it or start small yeah, or start small yeah that's one of the reasons a lot of us don't accomplish our goals is because we're looking at the goal yeah and that's like the tippity, tippity, tippity, tippity top of the mountain.

Speaker 2

It's almost like imagine if that was your goal to build a million dollar podcast you would have been a failure for the last seven years. Well, I have been.

Character and competence

Speaker 1

Thank you very much for most of my life in fact yeah I think that's really, that's a really important thing is, if you want to, if you want to make a movie and you're thinking yourself, like I'm going to be, I'm going to make a movie, and you're thinking to yourself, I'm going to make a movie, how much goes into that before you ever have the movie? Let's focus on learning about cameras first. Let's start there. Let's start embarrassingly small. That's my new thing Start embarrassingly small. Okay, last thing, before we go.

Speaker 1

I had this jotted down as a note so I just wanted to touch on it Resetting, as life happens and circumstances happen and experiences happen and opportunities happen. I think some of us don't reset our goals. I just told you three of my goals, or four of my goals. You just told everyone a bunch of your goals, but those goals all got reset over time. When you go down a path and you realize, oh, this isn't it or this isn't what I thought it was. So maybe that's another thing is having the skill or having the opportunity to reset what you think you want.

Speaker 1

Which I think requires humility, I agree. I also think it requires belief. Yeah, and fear of judgment, that's a big one too.

Speaker 2

Yeah, the hypocrite thing.

Speaker 1

That, or starting over, you and I started this at 20, we started this at 20. Yeah, brutal 27?

Speaker 2

Yep, we were seen as. What are you guys thinking?

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody else is buying houses and stuff and I'm investing in podcast equipment. I'm living with my mom at 28.

Speaker 2

Yeah, that was. Hey, that sucked.

Speaker 1

I lived with Matt. I lived with Matt until I was 29 or 30.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

And granted.

Speaker 2

I do want to make this clear. That also helped my mom. It wasn't just, you know, it was for the family really, but still, still.

Speaker 1

I kept my expenses low.

Speaker 2

I was driving a 2009. It wasn't a great look, oh no, no, I was willing to do that though.

Speaker 1

Because I believed in we're having guests over, yeah, yeah. No, we're going to be at Alan's mom's house where our studio is. Come on in Back door, downstairs, back door. Come on in, get you a water, that's true.

Resetting goals

Speaker 2

Yeah, back then I was so naive I figured they could see through that, probably not our studio.

Speaker 1

Yeah, no, it's in the basement. Come on down or I'm back. I'll let you in, we'll get you water. We'll be podcasting in no time. So true, you tried to tell me, man, I didn't know. I'm grateful, though. I'm grateful we had.

Speaker 2

Again, we made the best out of what we had yeah getting that studio was a good call though, dude, I didn't understand the perception of that. I really didn't. I miss it. I miss the studio all the time. I do too, sometimes I miss it all the time. I don't miss the commute, though. Not at all.

Speaker 1

No, I don't either. The commute now is better. Okay, what are we doing? Okay, tomorrow for episode number 1,709, versus what do you want to want? Deep episode.

Speaker 1

I was on a podcast with someone, orion. His name was Orion, such an interesting, well-studied, philosophical human being, wonderful conversation. But we were talking about this. He said one of the questions I ask people when I'm working with them is I say what do you want and what do you want to want? And I said, oh my goodness, what do you want and what do you want to want? And I said, oh my goodness, that is fire. So we're going to borrow that for a podcast episode, but shout out to Orion for that.

Speaker 1

If you are interested in joining an amazing group of humans, next Level Nation is there. Also, if you want our Next Level Dreamliner, mine's over there somewhere. It is on Amazon, so it'll help you stay more consistent. There's journaling prompts. It's something that can help you do a little something every day, not an hour, it's 15, 20 minutes, depending on how long you want it to take, but it's a sustainable habit for you that you can put into your morning routine, afternoon routine, night routine. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU no-transcript.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host