Next Level University

#1719 - Can You Choose Not To Be Offended? - Freestyle Friday

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Is taking offense a choice? Most individuals will encounter it, whether in professional or personal contexts. In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore this complex subject, offering a wealth of insights and practical strategies for navigating these turbulent waters with emotional maturity and authenticity.

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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:57) Choosing your offense
(6:13) Emotional intelligence
(10:52) From reacting to reflecting
(15:23) Effective communication
(20:56) Intention behind feedback
(22:55) At NLU, we want you to win, so we’re providing tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
(25:01) Growth and emotional resilience
(30:08) Approach grounded in virtue
(38:33) 10 pounds in 10 weeks challenge
(42:46) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation . Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University , where we help you level up your life , your love , your health and your wealth . We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode , one of my favorite episodes of all time episode number 1718 , the Truth About Leaving People Behind . It just felt real , raw , authentic , vulnerable . Those are always my favorite episodes . Classic vulnerable those are always my favorite episodes .

Speaker 1

Today , for episode number 1,718 , it is Freestyle Friday . If you're new and you haven't heard of Freestyle Friday before , we don't really know what we're going to talk about , so we don't have a title , but we do know it's Freestyle Friday . I kind of do have an idea for this episode and the idea comes from the fact that I was on a podcast today and the podcast I was on today was a podcast that you were on earlier this week and you said hey , man , it's a really good show . You said it's a really good show . Two guys it's a really good show and I was awesome , cool , it's going to be a great interview . And it was awesome , awesome interview . It's called the A Squared Show . And one of the hosts said and we'll dig into this because you'll see why it's kind of a weird conversation but he said what are your thoughts on this ?

Speaker 1

I had a conversation with a psychologist once and she said that life coaches are just failed psychologists . Does that offend you at all ? And I laughed and I said well , first off , I'm not a life coach , I am a podcast coach and I've been doing that for like the last five years . And I said honestly , I'm sure there's a level of truth to it . I mean , the lower the barrier to entry for something , the higher the failure rate and the less skill it requires to get there . So I said a podcast is a really good example .

Speaker 1

How many podcasts are there out there that people are just they have PhDs in yapaholics and they just talk and they're really good at talking , but they're not doing anything else behind the scenes ? That's super common . How many YouTube channels out there have like three videos and don't do it anymore ? So I said honestly , yeah , I think that's fair . Three videos and don't do it anymore . So I said honestly , yeah , I think that's fair . I think that there's probably a lot of life coaches who aren't good at what they do . But I said isn't it like that in everything ? There's probably a lot of chefs that aren't good at what they do . I said I don't know the stat , so please do not quote me and use this as the clip , but I think it's something like 50% of real estate agents never do a deal .

Speaker 2

Yeah .

Speaker 1

So there's really good real estate agents and there's also really bad real estate agents . And that was kind of my point in the whole conversation , the whole back and forth about this . And he said I really appreciate the fact that you didn't get offended , you didn't get upset with a question , and I wanted to talk today in Freestyle Friday about how much of being offended and getting angry at something is your choice . I don't know what would have happened if he said I talked to a really high-level business coach one time who said podcast coaches are just people who couldn't make it as podcasters or something . I don't know if I would have reacted different . I probably would have said well , the reason I can coach podcasters is because I did make it as a podcaster . But same thing , yeah , I know a ton of .

Speaker 1

I've been on a lot of shows and many of these people are also trying to be podcast coaches . When I talk to them , they don't know as much as I do because they don't have as many reps as I do . It doesn't mean they can't help someone , though that's the hard thing is even someone who is a life coach who has very little idea of how to coach and they've never done it before . If they've worked on self-improvement and they've worked on themselves , they know more than somebody who hasn't . So I think that's a very negative way to put it . But yeah , I thought it would be for an interesting conversation , because there are certain things that I don't get offended

Choosing Your OffenseChoosing your offense

Speaker 1

at all by . There are certain things that I do get offended by . How much is that my choice ? How much is that my choice versus just the external nature of hearing stuff that makes you feel a certain way , thinking about where I want to .

Speaker 2

I told you you'd be surprised I was . I told Alan . Did you tell me live or did you tell me before ?

Speaker 2

I don't know who knows , even Before , I think before , kev told me you're going to be surprised , and I remember thinking , hmm , and I wasn't at all until you did the twist of where I thought it was going versus where it's actually going , which is do you have a choice of whether or not you're offended ? Yeah , I think it's a duality . I think most are . So I'm gonna say that I think you do , and don't you do have a choice , but not until you realize that you're offended . You ever have someone say , hey , I'm gonna tell you something , but please just promise me in advance that you're not gonna be offended , of course , no , I'm not gonna promise you I'm not gonna be offended . What if I am ?

Speaker 1

I always say yes .

Speaker 2

I always say yes , no matter and then , when you do get offended , you have to suppress it the truth is , you can't promise something like that in advance , because you might be offended what is I ?

Speaker 1

I was joking , it depends . Sometimes I'll say I'm willing to hear the feedback , but I can't promise I won't react a certain way , or I won't feel a certain way , or whatever . I was just kidding . Can you promise ?

Speaker 2

that you won't be offended . Hey , kev , I think you're the fucking worst . Pardon my French for anyone who has kids in the car . I just we have fun . All right and Kev , I don't think you're the worst .

Speaker 1

I'm obviously joking swear words , yes , every now and then we're going . We're going back to the beginning , where we used to swear right in the intro .

Speaker 2

Welcome to the mother effing hyperconscious podcast a couple bodybuilder bros , who knew , who knew , who knew . So , do you have a choice ? The answer is yes , but only after you realize that you've been offended .

Speaker 1

You have to acknowledge the emotion first what you think .

Speaker 2

That's what it is . Yeah , I , I've been trying to learn about emotional intelligence a lot in the last couple years and the can you construct your emotions ? Yes ,

Emotional intelligence

Speaker 2

cbt it's thoughts , feelings , behaviors . Cognitive behavioral therapy is it modality of therapy ? It's the most common from my understanding , and it's awesome . It's . If you think a certain thought , then you have a certain feeling about it and then that feeling leads to a potential action and you can take back control of that loop . And that's what the hyperconscious podcast was change the way you think , change the way you act , change the way you live . A cbt podcast would be change the way you think , change the way you feel , change the way you act , change the way you live , which that's just too long of an intro .

Speaker 1

You only get three .

Speaker 2

You only get three in marketing , which is why everything seems so easy when it's not . That's actually a pretty big breakthrough right there , but anyway . So being able to construct your own emotions , I've been working on . Can I choose whether or not I'm offended by something ? To construct your own emotions , I've been working on . Can I choose whether or not I'm offended by something ? The answer is no , because my unconscious and subconscious belief systems will be offended based on how much they do or don't match it . So if you say , alan , you're an arrogant butthead , I wouldn't be offended because I disagree with you , and I think that that's ridiculous . Now if you said , alan , I think a lot of times you come off arrogant to the audience because you don't understand what it's like to struggle with self-doubt , that would hit , that would land .

Speaker 2

Whenever we're offended by something , it means something about us . It's called personalization . We talked about this recently on an episode and again , I can't take credit for a lot of this stuff . Emilia is the one teaching me most of this and there's a lot of research and clinical studies out there about all this stuff . For me , professional development was my jam for the first part of my life and I've really come up , I think , on more of the personal development and the inner work and the therapy and the mental health and all these terms . I didn't even know what they meant until relationship talk stuff . So personalization I now see it everywhere . I mentioned it when you said I'm not going to do the jujitsu competition . On a previous episode for the new listeners he said I'm not going to be doing jujitsu anymore . I don't know why I can't say that .

Speaker 1

Jujitsu anymore . It's a tough word to say , okay .

Speaker 2

Well , thank you . I don't know why I can't say that Jiu-jitsu anymore . It's a tough word to say . Okay , well , thank you . I appreciate it . I'm offended .

Speaker 1

No , also , you are an arrogant butthead .

Speaker 2

I didn't want to swear again , so I just said put it , I like it . Jiu-jitsu , got it Nice . Kevin decided not to do that anymore and then I immediately personalized that . What does that mean about the 10-pound and 10-week challenge ? Dude , I see people doing that all the time . Every time we make a business change , kev's like I feel you , I see you , but what does that mean ? For me ? That's a protection mechanism . You have to care about yourself . Someone's got to and that's how you survived . That's how you got here . That said , emotional maturity is your ability to notice that and pull yourself out of yourself , observe it and and then act in a less personalized , offended way , so you can choose whether or not you're offended , but only after you get offended . And that's , I think , the truth . I don't . I don't think I was offended . Well , you probably just weren't offended , but there are times when you've been offended and you couldn't choose not to be offended Me .

Speaker 1

And that's actually that's not the first time that somebody said that to me . I went on a podcast before and they said the same thing . They're like I'm I don't really understand what life coaching is and I feel like it's kind of a scam . And I was like , well , you could , I mean you can effectively say that about anything scam . And I was like , well , you could , I mean , you can effectively say that about anything , right .

Speaker 2

What about the review that we got that said something about ?

Speaker 1

you .

Speaker 2

That were a cult . You were . You were offended . That's very offended so . But you can't choose whether or not you're offended by something . What you can choose is your reaction to it , and then , over time , you can learn how to be less offended .

Speaker 1

I feel like the things that don't offend you , it's because they're not like square hits . Remember you played Battleship and I think a ship would be across like three different things . I'm thinking like it's just clipping the side . It's like eh , yeah , I mean I was a life coach for lack of better phrasing , and I have nothing against that . I know some people that are really good at coaching people on life . You're not a life coach , but you've been a life coach to me since , so I don't have any negative association with that . Shout out to any life coaches I know maybe if I still was doing that it would hit me in a different way . It's like , well ,

From reacting to reflecting

Speaker 1

I used to coach on that but I don't do it anymore . But I think I'm just I'm trying to be very logical where it's like you could say that about anything . You ever been to a really sketchy car dealership ?

Speaker 2

Oh yeah .

Speaker 1

Yeah , yeah , you ever been to a really nice car dealership , oh yeah yeah yeah , you ever been to a really nice car dealership ?

Speaker 1

same thing there's . There's a lot of sketchy car dealerships for sure . When I take my car to get serviced , I remember telling alan I was like dude , I don't want to leave this place . I brought my laptop , I worked there when my oil got changed and everything . It was like they're bringing me water . Do you need anything ? It's like what a coffee machine over here . Not every car dealership is a negative , has to be a negative experience .

Speaker 2

Yeah .

Speaker 1

So I just think of it from maybe it's three steps , maybe it's one . Is it actually personal enough for you to be offended by Nice Right that ? What part ? If it does offend you , what part of it offends you , and then what do you do about it ? Yeah , am I missing part ? If it does offend you , what part of it offends you ? And then what do you do about it ?

Speaker 2

yeah , am I missing one . It's so funny the question of why am I offended ?

Speaker 1

that's , I asked that the only .

Speaker 2

That was the second second step I'm offended in the three steps that's the second one . First go through them again , please now I don't remember .

Speaker 1

Now you've wrecked my flow , you arrogant butthead one was . Does this actually offend me ? Is it personal enough where I actually am taking on a piece of this ? Second one is why . What piece of this offends me ? Nice , what , what , um , what piece of this , am I afraid , is actually truthful and means something about me , hypothetically . And then the third one is what do I do about being offended ?

Speaker 2

Okay , next layer of this conversation . Love where this is going . Can you be offended ? And it's not anything about you .

Speaker 1

Yeah , it could be something about something you care about . Some people , person , place , idea , feeling , thought , like you and I at the airport with that drunk dad and the kids .

Speaker 2

So kevin and I were at the airport once and I had to put in earplugs because I was fuming about this belligerent drunk father who wasn't helping the mom at all and was just being an entitled butthead yeah , it was bad and you and I want to be male role models and try to be good people and he just obviously wasn't .

Speaker 2

And I'm just gonna say that I didn't , he wasn't , and we had to sit in that moment and go okay , it's not our responsibility to save the world one drunken , belligerent father at a time . So we're just gonna do what we do and hopefully those kids are taken care of . But at the end of the day , we were offended , even though it wasn't personal . But maybe it was personal because we grew up with our dads right . So who knows , maybe maybe that one was personal .

Speaker 1

I don't know if I would say I was offended I was upset offended is I'm offended , it's about me . Upset means it's something in the world that you think is unjust I would be offended if someone like I don't do I mean , nobody does this really , but I don't do well , when people talk negative , negatively about you , like that offends me because I'm connected to you , would it ?

Speaker 1

offend you if you weren't connected to me I think , if I knew , let me look up the definition of offend , because we've said it so many times that I don't know anything . You remember back in the day when we because we've said it so many times that I don't know anything Remember back in the ?

Speaker 2

day when we used to say a word so many times yeah yeah , yeah , Did that just happen .

Speaker 1

Cause to feel upset , annoyed or resentful Fair Commit an illegal act .

Speaker 2

Oh yeah , to offend . I think that offended is usually tied to identity , which is usually tied to belief about self not always , but it's fair if , if I say you would benefit from exercising consistently because you're overweight , anyone who is overweight , who identifies as being overweight , might be offended . Hopefully they're not , because obviously I'm using this as an example and I said it in a very virtuous , centered way , but I've been working really hard to how do you communicate truth without being offensive . That's an art , because there's a big difference between , hey , you're fat and I think that you would benefit from exercising

Effective communication

Speaker 2

consistently because you are overweight . But even then , I'm not telling you what to do , I'm just trying to help . There's a way to say things that are candid and truthful but aren't offensive . I've been working a lot . It's called nonviolent communication . You and I have a client who works on that and she's been wonderful .

Speaker 2

Yeah , she's awesome and she does a really good job with that wonderful client . Very , yeah , she's awesome and she does a really good job with that . And when I'm coaching her I can tell that I this is so interesting shout out to yvette big fan . She said don't worry , you can't offend me . And it was the first time I've had that said to me . A thousand times , trust me , I might , and I'm sorry in advance if I do . I actually believed her and the reason why actually believed her and the reason why I believed her is because she studies nonviolent communication and she's so emotionally aware and intelligent that I know I'm not going to offend her and even if I do , she's going to handle it well . So people say oh , don't worry , you couldn't offend me if you tried . Really . Really , the people who say that usually are the most unintelligent , emotional , emotionally unintelligent people . Well , it's usually ego , exactly it's ego .

Speaker 1

It's like you couldn't you . The reason I couldn't offend you is because you're going to immediately internalize it and then villainize me and then you're going to ego up it . So , yeah , you're going to get offended . You're just not going to react the way that I think you're going to react . Yeah , or you're going to get offended .

Speaker 2

You're just not going to react the way that I think you're going to react , yeah , or you're going to puff your ego out so much that it doesn't actually touch you because you have no vulnerability , and I think vulnerability is the opposite of ego .

Speaker 1

So the verb version , the verb definition , to cause a person or a group to feel hurt , angry or upset by something said or done . So even that I don't think is a really good . It's almost like because one says to transgress the moral or divine law . I don't really know what that means . And then there's a quote by William Shakespeare , so that kind of makes sense , but it's almost .

Speaker 2

Art thou offended thy .

Speaker 1

Thy by thy . It's almost like my favorite saying of all time . You're crossing a boundary . It's like it's an unsaid thing when you offend somebody . It's an unsaid thing that you're not supposed to say . Comedians offend people . Why ? Because they say things that you just don't hear often . That's their job . It's their job to break your pattern and they say some pretty offensive stuff . Do you have the option to not be offended by it ? I don't know . I think the more you personalize something , the more you're going to be offended by it .

Speaker 2

The more insecure you are , the more you're going to be offended by it . The more insecure you are , the more you will be easily offended . Yeah .

Speaker 2

And the more you work through your insecurities and your pain and your trauma , I think the less offendable you become . When Yvette said , don't worry , you can't offend me , what she really meant to say is it's very unlikely that you're going to offend me . I've worked through a lot of my shit . Yeah , and you had already told me , because you recommended Yvette to me and you said she's the sweetest and she's the easiest , most coachable . I'm not . I don't have to tiptoe , because normally you have to tiptoe around everyone's insecurities and I understand . I mean , if I tell you my insecurity and you know I'm insecure about it , and then you're hey , hey , I don't know if you know this , of course I'm gonna feel attacked .

Speaker 2

So how do non-violent communication with self and others game changer it's called a soft approach . There's a a big difference between hey , kev , get your S together , you kind of S , you kind of suck at XYZ versus Kev . I've noticed that you want this goal and it's really important . In my opinion and I think you probably know this already , but maybe haven't heard it externally I think it's important that you get more organized in order to achieve that goal , because , from my perspective , it's going to be really hard for you to actually get what you want in life if you don't come up in organization . There's a big difference . See how different those are . Yeah , 100% yeah . As a computer engineer man , I never used to . I was so direct .

Speaker 1

Is that ? Do you think that's ? Do you think that's bad to be direct ? I think you think that's bad to be direct . I've been thinking about that a lot lately , like is it whose problem is it if somebody's direct and I get offended ? Is it their problem or is it my problem ?

Speaker 2

it's a great question . You know , I've contemplated that my entire life adult life because I was so direct . I realize now that I have high self-efficacy , so direct feedback works well with me .

Speaker 1

Yeah .

Speaker 2

When you have high self-belief and you're not super insecure , direct feedback actually benefits you . I had a client once I've said this before who said I want you to be as hard on me as you are on yourself . And when I told that to Emilia , she said oh my god , she would die . And what emilia meant by that without actually saying it is you can't be that direct with her . She isn't ready for that level of feedback . Yeah , and the reason why , and the best example of this , is when you called me fat . You were being Direct because you know it would help me fat . You were being direct because you know it would help me , Whereas you know that wouldn't help someone who is insecure about their weight . And I was delusional in your opinion .

Speaker 1

So , and you owned it too Like I'm fat too Right , so that was also

Intention behind feedback

Speaker 1

part of it , but I think it was something along the lines of Alan , you're fat , I am also fat , but I am not under the misillusion , the illusion that I'm in shape .

Speaker 2

I think you are more than I am . That was pretty legit . Even saying the word fat is a trigger for most people . For sure is , if we were actually fat , we would be offended by being called fat . And so the question was is direct feedback bad ? I think it always depends . It depends on the person , it depends on the goal , it depends on the intentions and the approach . I always said this I want my intentions , my approach and the result to all be good .

Speaker 1

But whose responsibility is it to try to cater to the other person ? That's the hard thing . Some people say that's just how I am . But what if I am the gasoline to your water ? Do we just accept that and say , look , one of us is going to be uncomfortable , or do we ? I guess it all comes down to , is it worth it ? Is the relationship something worth working on ? Much like you and I have done . If you and I were working on a project together , it's like , all right , let's get this book report done and that's it . It might not be worth overcoming all the things and the triggers and the opposites and the polarities that we have , but I think about that all the time . I can struggle at times . You gotten direct feedback .

Speaker 2

That was wildly invalid from someone who doesn't lead by example a fair amount . If someone else had said that and they've never been in shape and they don't know how to get in shape , and they don't know what it takes to be in shape and they're just trying to be a bully ,

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Speaker 2

I would be offended . Yeah , but , but you weren't saying it for that , so intentions matter , it's . This is the question too , because do you walk through your whole life tiptoeing around everyone's insecurities ? The answer is no , but do you walk around like a wrecking ball , not worried about anyone's feelings ? You know those people ? Well , I'm me , regardless .

Speaker 2

I think that's crap man .

Speaker 1

I do too .

Speaker 2

I was thinking of that today . I heard a clip earlier and it was this woman who said oh , don't worry about that . Like everyone's responsible for their own emotions , listen , you're responsible for your part in it , and if you go around offending everybody , just being you . There's a big difference between being authentic and being a dick yeah , I agree and and and that's the line .

Speaker 2

So if you're overly , I think it comes down to fear . If you're overly cowardly and docile all the time and you're so timid and you can never offend everyone and you're in this little protective bubble of well , I don't want to offend anyone , so I never speak my truth , that's very different than someone who is belligerently ignoring the . I mean , think about it . You , you and I have said on this podcast 1,718 episodes . I was going to say 25 . Apparently I round up and how many times have we said something ? I used to say this . I used to say I want personal development to spread , like COVID , and I do want personal development to spread . That's the mission , but I don't have to say it in a way that's so offensive , and so you mentioned that that might not land with people , and so I stopped saying it , and now I tell a story about how I stopped saying it . So it's still me saying it , but it's not , and so , at the end of the day , I think it's important , I think I would be arrogant to not have taken that feedback . There's other terms that we've , so there's one term that , uh , we use every now and then that is offensive to one of my clients and it's the sicko thing . Now , here's the thing . And I told her . I said I appreciate your feedback . We may or may not continue using it , and for those of you listening , what we mean when we say sicko , we mean someone who is just a grinder they they will just subject themselves

Growth and emotional resilience

Speaker 2

to massive . And and she knew what we mean when we say sicko , we mean someone who is just a grinder they they will just subject themselves to massive . And and she knew what we meant and we had a great dialogue about it . So if you're listening , we're good , but I remember saying thank you for the feedback .

Speaker 2

I will now make my choice as to whether or not I use it . And she said that's good , awesome , and we're good . And she's a long-term listener . She listens every single day and you say it , I don't say it as much . That's my choice . Now , am I doing that because I'm fearful to say it ? If that's the case , then I need to say it and have courage . Or do I agree with her Right ? And so I don't avoid saying it , but I don't say it as much as I used to , because I think that some people might be taking it the wrong way , but you can take that too far . We need to like our own show .

Speaker 1

I like the Sicko thing .

Speaker 2

Other people might not . And if we want more listeners , do we have to overly cater to the listeners and then hate our own show ? Or do we overly be ourselves and then just F the listeners ? That's an over swing , and so I think we need to all find a mature center .

Speaker 1

Well , isn't it overswing ? And so I think we need to all find a mature center . Well , isn't it ? It's ? I think it's just a and that's good , it's really . It's a really good piece of information to have because , like you said , then you can make your , you can make your decision based on that . I think it's a question of how respectful can you be without losing yourself ? That's fine or without feeling like you're self-sacrificing or abandoning yourself , because I was literally . I didn't plan on talking about almost any of this . This is why it's Freestyle Friday . I was doing the dishes last night and I was thinking of very similar . Where would I ever be okay with just saying I don't really care who this offends , this is just who I am . I don't know if I'd ever , if I'd ever be comfortable , because one of my core values is respect . So the least I can do is take someone's trigger into consideration and then say is it really that big of a deal if I never say that word again ?

Speaker 2

No , I don't care .

Speaker 1

Cool Done .

Speaker 2

Maybe I probably will never say it again , if I do say it If it was important to you to say it , then that would be a different story .

Speaker 1

Yeah , I think it would almost be .

Speaker 2

I'm disrespected that you won't allow me to say something that means so much to me and when she said the feedback and I want to give this to her she was mature about it in the sense of and when she said the feedback and I want to give this to her she was mature about it in the sense of and you don't have to change anything , it's your show , because in my head that's the same thing . I handled the feedback and then I gave her feedback back , which is we're going to do what we want to do on the show . And there is that level of if you don't like the show and you are offended , you don't have to listen , but we are grateful that you listen and we obviously want to take in feedback from our listeners . And this is why leadership is so hard . This is why growth is so hard . You have to take feedback , parse it out , figure out where it applies to you and your goals and your core values and then somehow decide what to do next with that , and you will lose yourself if you're not careful .

Speaker 2

I mean I have shaped myself , reshaped myself , misshapen myself to try to figure out . I mean you and I have gone on this journey for a long time together , where I remember you and I sitting behind the scenes going I don't even like our show anymore . We've lost . What are we ? A couple lecturers . And then there's the other thing of we were interviewing guests and we're like I don't even want to enter , I don't even want to post that . Yeah , it's our show and we have to enjoy it , because if we don't , we can't do this every day , but it's not for us . What an interesting duality , super . Yeah , we're not here for us , we're here for the listener , but we need to talk about what , what's inside as well , otherwise the content's going to be garbage . Imagine if it was hey kev , I was studying earlier today about the politics of blah , blah , blah and you were like oh really , alan , I , I'm so intrigued by that when you're not .

Speaker 1

Yeah , you can't fake that it wouldn't , it wouldn't be very good . Yeah , it wouldn't be very good .

Speaker 2

You got to stay . You but the best version of you .

Speaker 1

Yeah , it's a . This is one of the reasons growth is so hard is because , for for the time between when you are not grown to grown , you look bad . I know . So in that moment , even in this conversation , it's like I don't know . Are we going to say that I don't know , Maybe we are , maybe we're not , I don't know . We'll make an effective decision ? I probably won't , because to me I feel like it's respectful not to and I don't really care about it We've got to come up with a new term though .

Speaker 2

Rid of savage . We got rid of sicko , we'll come up with . We'll come up with something . I need something that that lands .

Speaker 1

We'll come up with something , yeah , we'll come up with something , but you look like . If you don't ever try to look bad , you really lose the opportunity for growth . And I'm not just saying in the public space , just anything . The fire me going to the fire academy never wanting to look bad , so never learning effectively

Approach grounded in virtue

Speaker 1

anything physical , not good , very bad , and then when it mattered , I looked really bad .

Speaker 1

But when you look stupid in a minute it's really hard because I don't know , you feel bad . You assume people think you're stupid too . You assume that's how people are going to look at you forever , because some of those people might not be around for your growth . And that's the hard thing is all the people who are just there for the interim between when you make a mistake and when you fix it . They think you're the mistake forever . And that is one of the reasons growth is so hard .

Speaker 1

And again , when I say mistake , I'm not saying you said something wrong on a podcast , I just mean in general , if you make a mistake and you don't do something to the level you want to do it . That's one of the reasons putting yourself out there for growth is so challenging , because it is vulnerable to say yeah , you know what , you might be right , yeah , you might be right . Maybe I do say that word too much , or maybe I do say this thing too much or maybe that does offend people when you admit that you're wrong like that . If you admit that to somebody that isn't emotionally intelligent , they can really use that against you and that's a scary place to be .

Speaker 2

And then the next layer is even if they do use it against you , it is what it is . I took the high road , and are you proud of taking the high road ? And I think this is where virtue comes in . Last thing , there's a virtuous road that you know , and virtue is universal . All the rest of this is nuance , Sicko , bother you or not . Virtue is how do I articulate things in a way that maximizes the probability of positively impacting others , without sacrificing truth and candor ? And the virtuous road is always there , it's just it takes so much . It's so . There's a part of me that's so annoyed , seriously , it's like Alan , do you have to be that virtuous that you can't kill this mosquito ? Seriously , like , honestly , that's who I aspire to be , and so I'm gonna have to grab the mosquito , put it in a jar , bring it outside now that's who I've chosen to be and that's the only way I've been able to be fulfilled .

Speaker 2

I've tried the alternatives . They don't work for me , for me , and so , whatever your core values are , there's a virtuous road and there's vice and virtue . The vice is arrogance , and arrogance is always a vice . It's never a virtue .

Speaker 1

Compassion is always a virtue Is virtue doing the right thing . Is that what it means ? It means , at the simplest , level .

Speaker 2

Yeah , it means doing the collective good even when it's hard , especially when it's hard Virtue . We could easily do this . I don't know , we don't have time . Greed , vice , humility , virtue . You know when is cheeseburger ?

Speaker 1

It's in the middle Depends . I was going to say how dare don't you immediately just say it's a vice , because it might not be . Well then there's the whole thing of are we supposed to be carnivores ?

Speaker 2

Could we eat the cows ? There's a million things , but the point is , is that's where it gets wonky , because for each of us we have our own belief systems . I personally this is my personal belief I believe we are supposed to be carnivorous . I don't have a problem eating a cheeseburger . That is my moral compass . Now , does that mean there's no merit to some of the things that happen to cows in the production and all that ? Of course not . That's not what I'm saying . But we over swing these things . And where do you draw the line ? So that's the philosophical discussion .

Speaker 1

Just be a good person .

Speaker 2

Just be a good person .

Speaker 1

That's the goal . Just try to be the best person . When Taryn and I were in Scotland the first day we got there it rained and we were walking by there's a lot of stands , there's a lot of gift shops that have stands outside , like in the overhang , and they had fridge magnets and Taryn accidentally hit it with the umbrella and one fell off and broke . It would have been very easy just to keep walking , but I picked it up and I went inside and I said , hey , we'd like to pay for this because we accidentally broke it . And we ended up getting a couple other ones too , because it was like buy three , get one free or something it's like well , we already got one .

Speaker 2

That's broken .

Speaker 1

well , that's the high road . Yeah , only you , only you can make that decision for you .

Speaker 2

Only you can make that decision for you when I was a teenager , I put sunglasses in my pocket and walked right out of target .

Speaker 1

Oh my goodness , yeah , and that was the low road and I was waiting for you to say then I , then I brought him back . We didn't bring him back no , no , no no , never brought him back .

Speaker 2

No , I used him . Yeah , the . And there's the . Shame comes up . Shame comes up and it should . I think shame is a moral compass that we all have . It's how you handle it , and no one's perfect , and I've taken the low road many times in my life . I'm very grateful nowadays to be able to say I don't take the low road almost at all , but I used to for sure and I was around a bunch .

Speaker 2

I don't take the low road almost at all , but I used to for sure and I was around a bunch of people who took the low road too , so it's all the water you're swimming in . Where we grew up , there was a lot of low road going on , so we didn't exactly have great influences . But where does that expire ? At what point do you stop blaming your environment and set the new standard right ? So again , we could do a thousand episodes on this .

Speaker 1

Yeah , what an interesting Freestyle Friday .

Speaker 2

Who knew you want to see the sunglasses ? I'm kidding .

Speaker 1

You got them on you .

Speaker 2

No , it would have been really bad .

Speaker 1

if you , what's that I bought though ?

Speaker 2

at the convenience store for the road trip Dude $6.99 ?

Speaker 1

Yeah , man , of course .

Speaker 1

Full UV protection though , apparently . Yeah , of course I lose my sunglasses so much , but it's cool because I buy a pair on Amazon that's $6.99 . I've never had a nice pair of sunglasses because I will lose them . They just disappear . They're like socks they just disappear . I don't know where they go most of the time , or I break them . I remember at Next Level Hope Foundation last year I shattered mine . They just like fell off and exploded . I was like , well , that kind of sucks . But that's why I get seven dollar sunglasses tomorrow for episode number 1719 .

Speaker 1

What's the purpose of your deepest pain ? We talked a little bit about pain today , but we'll talk about that . If you have not yet joined our private facebook group , next level nation , please do so . If you are looking for a group of good humans . If it doesn't come across , really what we aspire to be is the best men we can be , and I think what we're trying to help a collective group of humans do is just be the best versions of themselves , whatever that means . It doesn't mean you have to read a million books . It doesn't mean you can't be yourself . It just means you want to get a little bit better and you want to try to become the best version of you . So that is what this whole thing is about . We have a Facebook group , all about that Next Level Nation . The link will be in the show notes . What do you want to talk about ?

Speaker 2

I want to say we have a 10 pound and please . I did a post , I yeah go .

Speaker 1

I have . A lot of people are in Awesome . I love it . Shout out to them .

Speaker 2

So I said this Disclaimer Don't do this if your mental health is in jeopardy . Don't do this if your circumstances don't allow you to do it . Kevin and I are starting a 10-pound in 10-week challenge . As of today it's 10.2 weeks . August 10th is the weigh-in . I'm going to create a Google sheet and I posted in next level nation Kevin and I's best previous physiques so you can take a look . When we talk about how we've let fitness fall , we're not trying to be overly hard on ourselves .

Speaker 1

We're just , we just don't look . Yeah , you'll know .

Speaker 2

And so , at the end of the day , let's all be at our best . So don't don't use our standards , don't use Kevin's standards , use your own standard , and so you can do 10 pounds . If you would like to , you can do 5 pounds . You can do whatever you want , but please send me your in the comments in Next Level Nation . And if you're not in Next Level Nation , join Comment , because I'm going to create a Google Sheet of names . First names only , start weight , end weight , and then we're all going to weigh in on August 10th and it'll be public accountability , hashtag , community power . We , we're all better together and , uh , we can hold each other accountable . So name which , obviously , on Facebook , your name will be there Current weight , goal weight . That's it , super simple . If you comment , I'll put it in the G sheets and then we'll give a shout out . First names only , uh , to everybody who does it is there any way to do it anonymously ?

Speaker 2

say somebody wanted to do it anonymously yeah , uh , if you want to do it anonymously , privately , message me on facebook and I'll just put anonymous 101 or anonymous

10 pounds in 10 weeks challenge

Speaker 2

102 or anonymous 123 , that kind of thing . I dig that nice 177.4 today . Nice Dude , yesterday 190 , even Five pounds mostly water , and then 193 today Nice .

Speaker 1

Still .

Speaker 2

Yeah , yeah , 195 , 190 , 193 . I'm having it round to the nearest pound .

Speaker 1

Now here's the thing , though when you weighed your I know you know what I'm going to say I can tell . When you weighed yourself at 195 , you had eaten .

Speaker 2

That that was after you ate , of course . Okay , so that's , yeah , I had eaten . I was hydrated , yeah , of course I'm just checking .

Speaker 1

I got to make sure I need to know the data . I didn't . I weighed myself when I hit one my , my weights are . My weights are , uh pardon , tmi , but just in my , in my trousers , first thing in the morning after I've used the restroom I might have been a little sporadic , but okay , I'm not doing that on purpose I would like to get to a place where it's apples to apples .

Speaker 2

But when I did the 195.4 , which was my start , it yeah , I had eaten fully hydrated . When I was 190 even , I was fasted all day and pre-workout hadn't eaten in like 12 hours . I had a protein shake in the morning , but at the end of the day , yeah , and here's the lesson , real quick If you weigh in 10 pounds lower than your current weight Beginning weight , beginning weight you did it so we're not going to do , do . Oh , are you dehydrated or not , are you ?

Speaker 1

is it the ?

Speaker 2

morning . What time was it kev you ?

Speaker 1

can tell I'm not doing that . But I'm not putting that standard on anybody else . I was just teasing you .

Speaker 2

Yeah , I will weigh in at below 185 whether I'm hydrated or not ?

Speaker 1

it's just a pride thing for me , of like , because , okay , I mean I could literally just eat whatever I want for the next 70 days and then just not drink water for a couple days and go in the sauna and I can make the weight .

Speaker 1

But I don't want to do that . I want this to be for me . The reason I want to do this is because I want to facilitate a long-term shift . Yeah , same . And even if you lose eight , even if you lose eight out of your 10 pounds , or seven out of your 10 pounds , or three out of your five pounds , or whatever it is , that's a really good clip in the right direction . So that's what we're aspiring to create .

Speaker 2

I don't intend on doing the marathon dehydrated again to try to make weight ?

Speaker 1

I hope not , that is not what ?

Speaker 2

I hope not , but if I have to , I will do it .

Speaker 1

Maybe it'll be a cycling , some sort of riding a bike or something for many miles or something .

Speaker 2

Who knows , we'll see . I'd like to do it legitimately . This time .

Speaker 1

I would also like that for you , because I don't want you to do any damage to yourself . As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow , stay centered Next Level Nation .

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host