#1722 - The 2 Types Of Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever wondered why those who stand out often want to fit in while those who fit in crave the spotlight? In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros dive deep into the world of imposter syndrome, dissecting its two primary forms: professional inadequacy and social discomfort. They peel back the layers of this pervasive issue, highlighting the internal struggles that can prevent us from embracing our true selves.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Dreamliner - https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
Join us on Next Level Monthly Meet-up #30 on June 6th, 2024, at 05:00 PM Eastern Time: “How To Get MORE Of The RIGHT Stuff Done”
https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:42) Overcoming imposter syndrome
(5:07) Fitting in and standing out
(8:55) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching.

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode. Episode number 1721, the Antidote to Arrogance Sounds like a good band name Today for episode number 1722, the Two Types of Imposter Syndrome.

Alan 0:22

So another quick disclaimer this is going to be like a 13 minute episode because we have 13 minutes Sounded like an emo band, an emo band, a punk rock emo band A little bit, yeah, yeah yeah, it would probably be something else like the antidote to ambition or something that would be emo.

Kevin 0:39

The antidote to arrogance is good. That's like I love. I do love emo music, though I'm a huge fan.

Alan 0:46

I have been listening on the reg to early 2000s music lately.

Kevin 0:50

Yeah.

Alan 0:51

The punk rock stuff.

Kevin 0:52

You remember my Chemical Romance. You remember.

Alan 0:54

My Chemical Romance. Yeah, some of those songs were bangers, man.

Kevin 0:58

Did you know the lead singer of my Chemical Romance? His name is Gerard, I believe Cousins with Joe Rogan. I didn't know, I didn't know. Yeah.

Alan 1:08

I read that somewhere.

Kevin 1:09

Fact check that. I don't know if that's true or not, but I think it might be. I do think it is.

Alan 1:13

I do. People are related to each other and we have 12 more minutes for this episode. What are the odds?

Kevin 1:18

Yeah, romance, who knew, alright, the two types of imposter syndrome. I went on a podcast the other day and I was having imposter syndrome about going on a podcast to talk about imposter syndrome because this was a business show. And when we did the discovery call some hosts like you to hop on a call long before you do the podcast episode to make sure you're a good fit. And he said what do you think you can bring to the show, like what is your thing? And I was like well, honestly, anything in the self-improvement realm I feel good on. You know, relationships, ego, confidence, consistency. I do a lot of sales, blah, blah, blah. And he's like what else you got? Because a lot of people come on and do sales like let's see if there's anything unique we can do. And eventually we landed on imposter syndrome. And I said I think that's one thing that's just not talked about enough in business, because every time you get a new opportunity and if you're afraid to do it because you feel like an imposter, it's really hard to get there. So this host was very, very, very confident, really hard to get there. So this host was very, very, very confident and he was talking about he's like yeah, I don't know. I feel like at times I struggle with imposter syndrome, but not in the same way.

Overcoming imposter syndrome

Kevin 2:34

And eventually, throughout the interview, I said you know what's very interesting. You seem like you're very confident and very capable. I'm willing to bet, based on what you've told me today, that you get imposter syndrome in social situations. I get imposter syndrome in competence, professional situations. And he's like yeah, no, that's fair, I don't really feel like I fit in. I don't really like talking about small talk and stuff. So I feel like I am an imposter and I feel like I'm going to get found out. Small talk and stuff. So I feel like I am an imposter and I feel like I'm gonna get found out. And that goes hand in hand with what we've experienced, where the two types of fear I guess for lack of better phrasing are you're not good enough or you're, you're not gonna fit in, you're you're, you stand out in.

Alan 3:21

so, uh, competence versus relationships isn't that hilarious how the people who aren't quote unquote good enough as their fear actually want to stand out, and the people who do stand out want to fit in.

Kevin 3:36

It is I'm convinced that I don't know if anybody really knows what they want, dude yeah, dude, I've been bro, we've ever since.

Alan 3:48

We're talking about punk rock, now we're just broing out early 2000. The people who do really, really, really stand out, they usually have a lot of pain associated with not belonging and the people who fit in easily tend to want to stand out more. It's just interesting.

Kevin 4:06

Isn't the weirdest thing about that, though I'm sorry to interrupt you Isn't that the weirdest thing? That the people who actually are comfortable standing out the most technically do fit in the most because they're the authentic version of themselves? Right so in theory, they're the ones who are winning the game. For lack of better phrasing, yeah, three buckets. That's weird.

Alan 4:24

The ones who are winning the game, for lack of better phrasing. Yeah, three buckets. The first one is feel like you're not enough, but you fit in easily. The second one is you're weird and different and you know it and you kind of don't fit in and still want to. And the third bucket, which is the guide, the where I think we're both trying to get, is comfortable, which, with whichever fear you have, and overcome it by being authentic and not not in the ego way, but in the I actually have. I do care what you think and I do fear not being good enough, but I'm going to sit in that own it and be empowered anyway, that kind of thing.

Fitting in and standing out

Kevin 4:56

I went on a show that you went on and they were. They were asking me questions and one of the questions was about systems, nice. And I said, didn't you just interview alan? And they laughed and I said, no, I'm serious, like I don't know if I have a really good answer to that. They were like, well, what would you do? And I said I would go to ask alan. If I was in the same situation as you, as me, because I I have access to alan, he's my business partner, my, my best friend I would go ask him. And I said, honestly, I think that's probably the best piece of advice I can give you.

Kevin 5:29

Old Kevin would have tried to come up with some really fire answer or some one-liner, because I was afraid that they would think less of me than they did. You. Yep, a hundred percent. But I went into that interview very much like look, alan and I are very different. This is kind of my jam, this is his jam, this is who I am. And I told you I even told you about this other podcast where he said I thought I was going to be underdressed today. Kev, look at you. It wasn't a super hard dig, it was a funny. Like we're close enough bros at this point where I can give you this little locker room joke. But there was that little piece of me that's like yeah, no, I definitely don't look like I belong here, slash, let me show you, let me do my best and show you that I do belong. It's really a challenging place to be.

Alan 6:25

As long as that's not fawning Because those little ribbings are energetic.

Kevin 6:31

Weird things I think fawning would have been my apologies for not.

Alan 6:35

Yeah, I'm so sorry. It wasn't that. It was like that's so true, this is me.

Kevin 6:40

I have a little. I kind of have a sweater on, but I had my hat backwards. It was a day. It was a long-ass day. It's been a long-ass day, it's been a long-ass week. I'm just trying to get through son, but it's also the one opportunity that I have to meet this person, the over-swing would have been.

Alan 6:55

I'm out.

Kevin 6:57

Yeah, yeah.

Alan 6:58

The under-swing would have been I'm so sorry, I should have dressed nicer and I think the center would be yeah, all right, let's it's fair, let's no.

Kevin 7:06

It's like yeah, it's fair. Yeah, fair it's fair. I have my hat backwards. I am wearing a sweater, though I have like a sweater on that's. You'd very rarely see me in a sweater. Yeah, let's do this thing. If it's not aligned.

Alan 7:16

It's not aligned. I do that a lot. Is this not aligned anymore?

Kevin 7:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah want to be interviewed by someone who doesn't want to interview 100, but we're also in a place, too, where we can do that, whereas in the beginning you kind of need. It's weird, it's wonky. So that's why your self-worth is so hard to keep in the beginning of a journey, because you are taking a lot of l's and people are kind of taking advantage not taking advantage of you, but yeah, they're. When you're not in the power position, it's really hard to maintain your self-worth because you're kind of losing it, unfortunately. And that's a whole other conversation. What was the original topic?

Alan 7:56

Imposter syndrome.

Kevin 7:57

The original topic was the two types of imposter syndrome.

Alan 8:00

So the type that you're referring to is competence. When you had the podcast with a NASA doctor, or a space doctor. I don't know if it was NASA.

Kevin 8:08

No, it was NASA. Yeah, nasa, awesome. Is there any other space?

Alan 8:12

I mean, yeah, spacex and there's other private companies now that do space stuff.

Kevin 8:16

Good to know I'll know where to apply after I get kicked off the show.

Alan 8:22

I got a guy. I'm kidding. I'm sure All right, I'm not kidding, I actually do, but whatever. So Pro tip.

Kevin 8:31

Expert tip. I was gonna say how much, how much did that hurt your soul? To say that I can see it leave you.

Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching.

Alan 8:35

You literally you wanna talk about Impostor syndrome. Here's the truth. I actually do have a guy, but I don't like to say Things like that Because they come off so it comes off so arrogant. So I have a 10 000 hour tracker of coaching, speaking, podcasting and training and I'm I just surpassed probably around 8 000. The reason why I used to hide things like that and or be weird when I did actually say it is because I was afraid to make everyone else feel insecure and or to come off as arrogant or be villainized or whatever.

Alan 9:06

So kevin and I were at a barbecue one time and I said dude, this is so hard for me, these are so hard for me. I don't like to small talk, I don't really want to catch up on this and that I don't really like to talk. There's a great Eleanor Roosevelt quote where she says small minds talk about people, good minds talk about places and things and great minds talk about ideas. And I'm an idea man. I like to talk about ideas, I like to philosophize, I like to talk about history and technology, not politics, technology, science, technology, engineering, mathematics, business and finance. I love to talk about self-improvement and growth and very relevant things. When I'm at a barbecue, like, picture me at a barbecue. How, what am I going to talk about? Hey, how, how are you? Ah, same old shit, different day. Yeah, I like talking about food, I like movies, so I can, I can hang, I can hang, but it's not my whole self.

Social discomfort and authenticity

Alan 10:03

Statistically I'm a weirdo and I'm the weirdest of the weirdos and that's okay and I'm learning how to be okay with that. But back in the day I used to try to fit in. I would try to manufacture fitting in that wasn't fully authentic. I would try to belong where maybe I don't belong. And I had these moments in the past when I'd be at a concert or whatever Insert thing I normally wouldn't do, only did because I was dragged there by a friend and I wanted to keep the friendship, and I would just have this moment of I don't belong here, I don't, I'm not supposed to be here.

Alan 10:36

I'd have that calling. Maybe that's a calling, maybe that's a knowing, maybe that's a self-awareness thing, maybe it's my intuition, I don't know but I would have that moment of you're not supposed to be here and so I would just go seek solitude and just want to be alone, because I would get so distorted by all the nonsense that I feel like one of my core values is say things that matter to people who care, and sometimes I feel like I'm in environments where we're saying things that don't matter to people who don't care and I just can't stay there long. I lose myself when you're around people too much, and too often I think you lose yourself because we all are social creatures who want to belong. So the other kind of imposter syndrome so Kevin's is I'm being interviewed by a doctor from space and I didn't go to college.

Alan 11:20

That's the short, playful version. Mine is I'm at a barbecue and I don't feel like I can be fully me, because no one really cares about anything I care about. No one wants to talk about Einstein and his relativity theorem and I do, and that's why I loved going to engineering school, because it was all nerds who loved that stuff. I mean, we were mining for Bitcoin in 2007 on our freaking freshman floor dorm room.

Kevin 11:47

And if we had kept those, I still we had kept those. Any of that means well, exactly, I do know what it means, but okay, not really we, we would, we, we made a mistake by not keeping the bitcoin, but at the end of the day, what'd you say? Good for me what?

Alan 12:02

what's good that you didn't?

Kevin 12:03

that you don't have a bunch.

Alan 12:04

Oh yeah, yeah, okay, I didn't connect that, but when I was a kid I I played chess and my buddy kiki and I we would argue who was smarter steve jobs or bill gates, apple versus pc, and I just I don't know. Just really weird. And so, anyways, anyone out there who's weird, own it. Live in that. I was at a barbecue and I felt out of place, kevin felt out of place, and some of the interviews with some of the intellectuals. And now we was at a barbecue and I felt out of place, kevin felt out of place in some of the interviews with some of the intellectuals. And now we're at a place where we're both emotionally mature enough and intellectually intelligent enough to really hang in both those arenas and still stay ourselves. And I think that that takes tremendous courage. I said this earlier today. It's a quote I've never said before. I know we get to go.

Courage: Staying true to oneself

Alan 12:44

I was on with Alicia Shout out to Alicia, she wouldn't mind me saying that, first names only and I said 99% of success is courage. I'm convinced of it. You're either afraid of failure or you're afraid of success. You're either afraid of being incompetent and not enough or you're afraid of not fitting in. 99% of success is courage. You got to have the courage to act anyway. You got to have the courage to act anyway. I go to a speech with Kev 300 students, three separate sections. I'm afraid everyone's going to hate me. He's afraid he's not going to add value, and we have to both face our fear in order to achieve our dream.

Kevin 13:19

This is what I would say. This is the last thing I'd say before we go. You're again. I'm not saying it's this simple, but you're either afraid that all of you is not enough or all of you is too much. Yeah, that's part of it. Either, everything I have is not going to be enough for this. I'm not going to be able to hang.

Alan 13:39

They're going to get found out, or all of you is too much, I almost never feel that first one, I feel.

Kevin 13:43

The second one it's very new to me, but I also understand. I don't take it personally. It's like yeah, no, I can understand why you don't want to talk about consistency or habits or whatever. It's like yeah, it makes sense, let's talk about this beer I love I didn't mean to interrupt you.

Alan 13:58

Can you do? I know I got to jump, but can you go down that? That was fire, that one liner, what was it You're going to be?

Kevin 14:04

late. We are either afraid that all of us is not enough or all of us is too much.

Alan 14:11

That is one of the best things I've ever heard. That's fire.

Kevin 14:15

Somebody clip that right there. I need that in writing. Proof it's good stuff. But I think that's all it is. I think that's all it is In a simple way. So you?

Alan 14:23

either have to have the courage to be all of what you are in face of the fear or you have to have the courage of doing it, even though you might not be good enough or whatever.

Kevin 14:32

Either way, you've got to see what the outcome is. Yep, or you just be a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more of yourself, a little bit more on each way, or a little bit less, a little bit less, a little bit less or a little bit less.

Alan 14:46

No, don't do that Well.

Kevin 14:49

I don't know. We'll do a deeper dive on that, alright, tomorrow. We don't know the episode because we are the worst, but we are going to get our S together. I promise Next Level Nation. If you haven't joined, please do, and that's that. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU, we do not have fans, we have family. We'll talk to you all tomorrow. Thank you for sticking with us through two quick episodes lean into courage.

Alan 15:19

Next level nation.