Next Level University

#1735 - How Much Of The Truth Are You Ready To Give?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss honesty and the amount of truth we should tell in our friendships and at work. They advise when it’s better to be completely honest or tell small lies to avoid hurting someone. Listen in as they offer helpful tips on being honest, making hard choices, and learning from others’ feedback.

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Show notes:
(1:44) Crossing the moral and ethical line
(3:55) Self-preservation
(5:26) Real-life example of handling misaligned guest suggestions
(7:46) Why take the high road?
(10:56) Rationalization and proactivity
(12:27) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
(13:41) Do what you are ready to receive
(16:19) The deeper truth behind podcasting challenges and growth
(18:47) Balancing t

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🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode. Episode number 1734, one Reason why You're Not Following Through With what you Really Want. Today, for episode number 1735, how Much of the Truth Are you Ready to Give?

Speaker 1

I had a wonderful conversation with a new podcast client yesterday and this client brought a bunch of questions. I told them in the beginning as a coach, I do really well with questions, so when someone comes with a list of questions, we just buzz through them and it just helps me figure out what you know, what you don't know, what you want to know more about. And this person said I've had a lot of podcast guests on and I'm getting to the point now where I'm realizing that some of the people I've had on in the past their interviews aren't super aligned with what I'm doing. Now. How do I tell them that? How do I tell them that I might not want to use their interview? How do I tell them that I'm not going to use their interview? How do I tell them that I'm not going to use their interview? How does that work? And I said that's a great question.

Crossing the moral and ethical line

Speaker 1

I said, for me, the advice that I will give you is based on a moral and ethical dilemma. I think there's two ways to do it. One, you reach out and you tell them the truth. You say hey, alan, I want you to know that I did enjoy the interview that we recorded on June 6th 2023, whatever and in reviewing our interview, I now realize that it is not aligned with the direction that I'm going and I do not believe it is the best content for my audience and, as the host and the curator of this podcast, it's my job to deliver as much value to my audience as possible.

Speaker 1

With all that being said, we won't be releasing your episode, but I do very much appreciate your time. As an example, I said but when we cross the moral and ethical line, that's when you might say something along the lines of hey, alan, I very much appreciated our conversation that we had. Unfortunately, there was a technical glitch and I lost the whole interview and we can't use it. And this person laughed, just like Alan did, and I said here's the truth. I would never judge you for doing my computer camera mouse my dog, my homework, my dog microphone and the computer.

Speaker 1

So I told this person. I said I would not judge you either way because here's the truth if you're ready for somebody to, if you're going to give someone 100% truth, they might give you 120% truth back. And and I said, if you're not ready for that, I am not against a white lie. I don't think that makes me a bad person. I think that is self-preservation. I do. I think it's self-preservation. Now you decide how you want to go about it. You decide how much truth you want to give someone. That's up to you about it. You decide how much truth you want to give someone. That's up to you. But I think it's a moral and ethical conversation. And this person said okay, I'll really think about it and I'll think of what I want to do. And I said again, I'm just saying I wouldn't judge you either way because if you're not ready for 120 truth, giving 100 truth to somebody else is dangerous. And they might good.

Speaker 2

The only problem with that. Sorry to interrupt you, I thought I thought that was.

Self-preservation

Speaker 2

It must have been just a long pause, it was. So the only problem with that is if you're not ready for 120 truth which, by the way, I think is a really cool way to put it, because the 20 above 100 is ego 100 and so when you said 100 truth centered, aligned, that that this client gives to the podcast guest and then the podcast guest comes back with 120, what you're assuming is they amplified the truth and with ego and error and energetic anger, frustration, whatever, and so you're gonna get a dagger back probably, and this has happened to us in the past.

Speaker 1

I I told this client, I said, just as an example, and I said I have data, I'm not just saying this, this is actual data. Alan and I, back in the day, were in a bit of a pinch for a guest. Somebody canceled last minute and we were. We were trying to get a guest and we reached out to one of our friends, who's, who was also a podcaster, and he said hey, man, do you have anybody that you think would be good for our show? That has a great message that we can elevate and have on? And he said yeah, absolutely, let me introduce you to this guy. And he introduced us via email or something. And we were thinking, well, this is a friend of someone we know it's going to be super aligned, this is gonna be great.

Real-life example of handling misaligned guest suggestions

Speaker 1

And then we ended up doing research, like the day of the interview, I think, and we decided that it wasn't aligned. We, this isn't it, this isn't it, it's not. It's just not what's best for our audience. So Alan and I had a conversation and I said, dude, let me message him. And I again I won't say I'm not proud of this, I, this is the way I was thinking, this is just the way. I was thinking I'll tell him our Wi-Fi went out and then we'll just kind of glide out. Well, just glide away. And Alan was very much in. I need to tell the truth and I think you've continued to lean into that. I need to tell the truth and I don't want to lie. And I said okay, I accept that. I respect that. I am with that. You send whatever message you want to send. And he sent the message and basically said this interview isn't aligned. And the guy left us a zero star review on Apple Podcasts and said we were. I don't remember the exact words.

Speaker 2

Posers or frauds?

Speaker 1

Yeah, it's like you didn't even listen to the show. Son.

Speaker 2

Why are you?

Speaker 1

leaving us a negative review.

Speaker 2

And he's like and by the way, I mean Forbes wanted me or whatever, right, so it's like no, ultimately we just triggered him.

Speaker 1

We triggered his. But that's the problem is, when you tell someone the truth you don't know you don't. When you give someone a hundred percent of the truth, you are putting a ton of belief in their emotional regulation.

Speaker 2

I know and or most people don't have it, or you're willing to, uh, you're willing to take the beating that you get in return for lack of metaphorically or physically, if, if I mean it's it's possible. Yeah, it's possible, right? So this? This brings up a discussion of your client, who's also my client, huge fan, huge fan, let's say, and I'm reading a book right now called high road leadership, and I've been using, I like that and I've been waiting for that book as for a very long time, as you know, kev, just because the title is so good High road leadership. What does that mean? It means take the high road, but the high road is based on the circumstance, based on the context, based on the individual, based on your morals and ethics, based on your values, based on your goals, based on the other people involved, right? So, who?

Speaker 2

I've said this dozens of times on our podcast, but Aristotle always said, like people would say you know, do the right thing. And I think that's not. You say this one time about a certain person. You say he always does the right thing and I think he takes the high road. Often is what you're really trying to say. But what is the high road?

Speaker 2

The high road is who can do the right thing in the right way at the right time for the right reason, in the right amount with the right people.

Why take the high road?

Speaker 2

That's a lot of decisions, so in the chess game of life, it gets really complex, and so she has a choice. She can take the high road, the middle road, the low road, and we all know what that is right. You throw you always talk about you throw a piece of paper in the trash and it misses. You always talk about you throw a piece of paper in the trash and it misses. Do you go pick it up or do you just move on? Do you clean off your benches at the gym every time? Do you try to take the high road in every regard and I was in a truth-telling phase, and the reason why is because of this, and this is what I really hope comes across. If she chooses the road that you're suggesting, that might be self-preservation, which is valid, and she might not be ready for 120% and to defend herself against the ego and the insecurities and the lash-out from the other person based on their insecurities. And trust me, I've been there more times than I can count and it's brutal.

Speaker 1

Definitely.

Speaker 2

But you have to also be careful, because if you always say, well, my technical stuff messed up, then you'll never get any feedback, and no feedback makes you weaker, not stronger. So you have to find the optimal amount of feedback, and so that's why the optimal amount of truth. I think and this is what happened with you and I I think I was ready for that person to leave us a review and hate me, and I don't think you were I would say that's correct. But now you're through exposure therapy. Now you are more strong and resilient than you were before. But the problem is is, if you were in a really negative emotional state and not and in a fragile state, that would have been really devastating. So you gotta. It's the anti-fragile conversation of of the more you attack something, the more you try to tear it down, the more you come at someone or something, the stronger it gets, and that, I do believe, is the human condition to an extent. The amount we can endure is a lot, and I just think that there's a lot of value in number one, first and foremost, if you're going to tell the truth, which I do believe deeply in, and this is, I think, one of my biggest pains too. I don't know if it is for you believe deeply in and this is, I think, one of my biggest pains too. I don't know if it is for you. I rationalization. It's rational, it's lies we tell ourselves. The truth is, in my honest opinion this is my high road truth you and I weren't prepared in advance mostly because of me for that guest, meaning this is what actually happened, let's unpack it. But we don't. In the real world, by the way, you don't have time to unpack all this. So I understand you have to give some sort of executive summary of hey, my all four tires popped and I just you know, obviously I'm joking.

Speaker 2

Okay, here's what really happened. Kevin and I were not proactive enough with booking guests and then, in a pinch, because of our own lack of proactivity, we had to ask a friend for a guest. That friend suggested a guest that we did not want and then we canceled it last minute because we didn't do our research until last minute, because, again, we were not proactive. So the truth of the truth, of the truth of the truth, the deepest truth, is you and I were not proactive back then. We, we were not proactive enough, and that's why we got the negative review.

Rationalization and proactivity

Speaker 2

It's not because that person's a ding dong, although I do think that was ridiculous. It's because you and I were not proactive and, unfortunately, if you're not willing to own that truth within yourself, you'll never improve. That's the weird duality. I've become more proactive and I'm still working on it, because I'm still late and I'm still blah, blah, blah, like I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm way better than I was back then, and the reason why is because I was willing to take that negative feedback and this is the whole fail forward thing.

Speaker 2

The problem is is maybe I'm potentially off, as you and I have discussed in the past, with how much failure is actually constructive, how much feedback is actually constructive, how much? How many L's are actually constructive, how many lash outs are actually constructive versus like for me, versus other people? But but you got to start taking some risks now, otherwise you'll be sheltered too much and then you'll have to basically not tell truth and then, when you don't tell truth, you, you don't build resilience and grit and courage I think courage is is the yeah, yeah, I.

Speaker 1

I fully. I think the ultimate thought is whatever you, whatever it is you decide to do, whether it's high road, low road, middle road, whatever, whatever it is, the ultimate goal is to do a little bit more of the high road next time.

Speaker 2

Nice, that's the ultimate.

Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:

Speaker 1

I probably I could have made that more clear, but that was kind of the thought I had was you just do what you're ready to receive. If you want to give 75% and you're ready to receive 75% or 100%, do that If you're not ready yet. I don't want it to be such a triggering thing where it's like oh, I gave this person 100% truth and they gave me 150 back. I'm never telling anybody the truth again, f that it's not worth it yeah that's the downside of. It's not worth it.

Speaker 2

It's not worth it, yeah.

Speaker 1

And I think that guy is kind of a ding-dong, he is definitely that was ridiculous, but we triggered his insecurity, which is not being wanted.

Speaker 2

I know Like rejection is a deep insecurity of people.

Speaker 1

Of course. But the question is who grew through that? Whose responsibility is it to help that person grow? That's another philosophical discussion.

Speaker 2

That's a whole other thing.

Speaker 1

I don't want Again. It's my life's purpose to help people grow, but it's my life's purpose to help people grow that want to grow and that aren't in the detriment of us, right, that aren't in the detriment of us.

Do what you ready to receive

Speaker 2

So it's a win-win instead of a win-lose. You know, what's fascinating is, if he was the type of person who wouldn't mind, we actually would have had him on. I know, I know, that's the weird. So that's the weird paradox of the reason we don't want to have him on is because we've done enough of this to where we saw, okay, this isn't aligned and his reaction to us can't canceling it is actually proved that it was a bad idea. Yeah, and and that's a weird duality too I, I had an interview that went late yesterday. The name was cameron and I don't know if you've met cameron. What was the name of his show? Oh, no, the cameron journal. Yeah, the cameron journal.

Speaker 2

He, super creative masters in fine arts, loves. It was fascinating. We talked storytelling. I thought it was good. I was concerned it was going to be politics. I, it wasn't it. It was actually a really good interview. But by the end of the interview, I'm I'm like brother, I, I gotta, I gotta go, like while live recording I know you've done this probably several times Like I gotta go and he just kept kept hammering. He was still recording, even though I said it several times. He also said, like I struggle, I'm on the spectrum, my bad, but whatever, he was an awesome dude and his words not mine.

Speaker 2

So anyways, I emailed the woman. Her name was Sherry. I said listen, I'm so sorry, I was on an interview. I told him I had a hard stop. He rolled right past it. I told him several times during the interview interview, whatever.

Speaker 2

I wasn't over justifying but I, I just said, sent the email. I said if, if you don't want to reschedule, I totally understand. If you do, let me know. This one's on me, alan. And she was like no worries, totally happens, life happens awesome, we'll reschedule soon. Reach out.

Speaker 2

And I was like, boom, I know this interview is going to be good, because if you're like super offended by the fact that I had something happen in my life and I couldn't be there right then, and I took ownership and I said I'm sorry and was honest with you and you have this massive triggered overreaction, how dare you which some people do, of course you're entitled. That means you're entitled to my time. That's not grateful. Energy, you're not grateful. I'm coming on your show. And do I really want to go on a show that someone's not grateful for my time. Some people are so gracious and generous and grateful and humble. I love it, these people that are entitled. It's like I don't know what planet you live on, but I might be five minutes late and I'll take ownership for that, but you need to understand that I'm still doing you a favor by being here and you're doing me a favor by and I say this every single time I say I do not take it lightly to be able to speak into the lives of others. Thank you so much for having me.

The deeper truth behind podcasting challenges and growth

Speaker 2

I open with that because I remember being in nine years ago when I first started listening to podcasts and I, I I remember I used to listen to Danielle Murr on the Hillman morning show way back in my early twenties and I used to think like how articulate she was and I would learn all these different things and she would talk about these different modalities and she, she had all this information and it changed my life in many regards.

Speaker 2

I've I've actually since coached Danielle and um. We have a really good relationship and I told her that and we, we had a really powerful moment, which is cool it's. That was a fascinating thing to have me look up to her in my early 20s and then for, like me, to eventually coach her. It was just, it was a trip, and she wouldn't mind me sharing that, but anyway. So what was my point of all that? Oh, I, I think that you have to practice this, but you don't have to give 100% right out of the gate. It's something that you practice and then you get better and better and better at it, and it takes courage.

Speaker 1

Yeah, it's a practice like anything else. It's a practice like anything else. It's a really hard thing to set a boundary and then justify your boundary without ego If it happens. It's hard, but a lot of it is dependent on the other person or the other people or the situation or whatever it is Some people. If you said, hey, it's not aligned. If somebody reached out to me and said, hey, after we did the interview, I realize it's not aligned. If somebody reached out to me and said, hey, after we did the interview, I realize it's not aligned, I wouldn't be offended. Same, but I've also done this many times, so maybe it's.

Speaker 2

But even if you were offended, you would handle that with grace. I like to think so. You wouldn't lash out, no, no.

Speaker 1

No, I'm very when people are late like. I have a rule if you're five minutes late, I leave. That's my rule. It's not me being entitled, it's very much statistically. What I've noticed is when people are five minutes late, they don't come.

Speaker 2

But when they are, you don't send a hateful email. No, no.

Speaker 1

Usually, if I'm the one who sends the email, it'll just be like hey, alan, I missed you today. I waited in the room, or I sent you an email and I didn't get anything back. Unfortunately, our protocol is I wait for five minutes and then I just jump to my next task for the day. I listen to the show and, if this is my truth, I listen to the show. I reviewed it. I love what you're doing. I'd love to reschedule. If that line, just let me know. That's usually. That's usually the follow-up.

Balancing truth and feedback with grace

Speaker 2

It's fine, but it's very different than how dare you right and? And just making people feel bad for being imperfect. I think is a big problem in the world, and I think that's why this is perpetuating, because, I mean, that's why we don't tell the truth. Yeah, because people are so offended and it's it's not about being offended because I I got an email earlier today that said, hey, please take me off this mailing. Can you please take me off this mailing? It was very kind, it was so understandable, so kind. It's hey, can you please take me off of this mailing list? Just one person and good luck, have fun. Blah, blah, blah. I was very kind and I had that tiny it's tiny, it's's so small, it's like 0.01 where I was like, oh, I wonder if rejection does bother me, because a little bit of that was there. It's like, oh, that's yeah, okay, fair, and I was like I wonder if other people really struggle with rejection yes we should do an episode on that, because make a note if you can't get rejected.

Speaker 2

You can't take shots.

Speaker 1

I think rejection is one of the greatest fears there is.

Take the shots

Speaker 2

Brother, think about this, right. I sent that email to 22 individuals who have all been a part of the Next Level Hope Foundation and we've met these people. We've literally played sports with their kids. It's been a wonderful experience. Up to this point, we've literally played sports with their kids. It's been a wonderful experience up to this point. That email was a necessary way to invite all the people that have participated up to this point to this Sunday, and if I was too afraid to send the email because of one email that was potentially negative, we would not be able to build a company.

Speaker 2

That that transforms lives, and if we can do an episode on that, brother, I I do know that you struggle with rejection more than I do, but I do struggle with it. It's just a very small percentage and so it makes it seem like I don't struggle with it. It's just not one of the bigger ones. I struggle with other stuff, but, like that rejection piece, I think would transform people's lives. If you can overcome your fear of rejection and not ego up every time someone doesn't want your product or service or you or your invite or your RSVP or whatever it is, you can take more shots. But if you're afraid to miss the game-winning shot, you're not going to ever get the gold medal. Let's do it.

Speaker 1

Metaphorically. We'll do it tomorrow. Okay, we'll do it tomorrow. We can do it right after this too, if you do want. That's what I'm saying Tomorrow. Oh, tomorrow's episode, I thought you meant right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's weird. Yeah, it's weird. So I understand. Yes, let's do it, we'll do it. Nice Thank you to anybody who has left us a review.

Speaker 1

In the last few days, we've had a bunch of people leave reviews. Thank you so much. I haven't checked the number of subscribers, but anybody who has subscribed, I appreciate it very much, as always. If this episode was valuable, appreciate it highly if you would leave a review and subscribe on your podcast platform of choice or YouTube. It helps us help more people and you're quite literally helping more people by helping us help more people. So we would appreciate that very much. And, as always, we have our private Facebook group, next Level Nation, which has been on fire lately. We'll have the link in the show notes. Tomorrow, we will talk about rejection, as always. We'll have the link in the show notes. Tomorrow, we will talk about rejection, as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans. We have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Live with courage. Next elimination

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host