Next Level University

#1736 - Dealing With Rejection…

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss their journeys of initially feeling scared but growing more robust. They teach us that being afraid is okay and that getting turned down doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. Listen to this warm talk, which will help you see being turned down in a new way and make you feel more confident.

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Show notes:
(2:16) Facing rejection
(5:06) Is fear of rejection tied to personal competence?
(10:35) Taking action
(12:43) Overcoming embarrassment
(17:37) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
(19:45) Acceptance and growth in relationships
(24:56) Rejection and disappointment
(28:38) The mix of pain and satisfactio

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🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1,735. How much of the truth are you ready to give today for episode number 1,736, dealing with rejection? So we talked a little bit about this in yesterday's episode With rejection. So we talked a little bit about this in yesterday's episode and Alan said I'd love to do a full length, a real deep dive into rejection on an episode. So here we are, we're going to talk about it. Let's interview you a little bit.

Speaker 1

There's only one way for us to interview me, and that would be for you to interview me with questions that you have.

Speaker 2

And then I'll do my best to answer those questions in a valuable fashion, thank you, thank you for that. Yeah, uh, interviewing 101. I appreciate it. So so, zero to ten. How much did you fear rejection seven years ago before starting the hyperconscious podcast?

Speaker 1

Probably 10.

Speaker 2

Okay, that is why you are the perfect interviewee. This is good, okay, zero to 10.

Speaker 1

If before was a 10, how much do you fear rejection now? Hmm, I think I'll give an overall score, probably 5, but it depends. I think this is the hard thing about rejection it depends on where it is. If I get rejected by a potential client, it doesn't bother me almost at all. That's a 1 out of 10. Where does it bother you If you said, hey, go out. Remember the TED Talk? Mm-hmm, I think it's rejection proof.

Speaker 2

Mm-hmm.

Facing rejection

Speaker 1

And one of the. So the TED Talk was about this guy who went out and I think he tried to get rejected a hundred times, a hundred times. That was like his thing. The one of the things he did was he went to a donut shop and asked them to make him like a custom donut. That would scare me for sure if they said no yeah, why let's unpack?

Speaker 2

I think it's conscious, I can tell this is good when it comes to the client thing.

Speaker 1

I know, I know I'm a really good coach. I feel like I'm a really good coach. I know we produce a really high product or high quality product, but you didn't always. Well, that's one of the reasons I was probably more afraid of rejection. Oh, I think the reason we're afraid of rejection is because we attach it to us. It's like this person doesn't want to work with me because of me.

Speaker 2

It's almost like, unconsciously, we think they might be right, we think it might be true or we're embarrassed. I remember you asked me one time do you think there's any truth when people say, or when people like, call you out and they they crap on you as a bad person. Do you feel like there's any part of you that believes that might be true? That was a big breakthrough for me because it's like holy crap. But it's emotional, not logical, because logically I don't. Logically I can point to very little. That doesn't indicate that I'm a wonderful human being if I don't even know if I could find something lately. I told you you about my klepto days. It turns out if you walk into Target and put the glasses in your pocket, the sunglasses we are not suggesting this $12.

Speaker 2

It turns out they are free. It turns out no.

Speaker 1

We're not suggesting.

Speaker 2

I went through a very short phase where I stole a few items from Target. Maybe one day I'll go and buy a bunch of glasses or something, but not my finest moment. And teenager just figuring it out, yeah, but anyways. The point is, is nothing like that in years and years and years like nothing even remotely outside of what I would consider very virtuous high road? Especially lately, like the last few years since emilia, it's like the standard has just been huge, but anyway.

Is fear of rejection tied to personal competence?

Speaker 2

So I remember when you said is there a part of you that because here's the problem with life you get crapped on sometimes, actually when you are a wonderful person. How do I explain that when you set a higher standard than other people and they're insecure about it, sometimes they lash out and it makes you feel like a bad person, when in reality that's emotional, not logical, because logical and rationally you know that you're a wonderful person. Emilia is the most wonderful human I've ever met in my entire life. I've never seen her hurt anyone. I've never even seen her not help someone, like to her own detriment it's. I mean she picks up litter in our and I'm like walking by it, like that's not our responsibility. We're going for a walk. It's 10 o'clock at night. Let's go home. You don't have to carry that can, right? She's a better person than I am. She's my fucking hero. Now she gets S'd on all the time Lashed out at.

Speaker 1

Drops an F-bomb and then he says S'd on. You know what I mean. You're making some weird choices, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2

And of course, some of that's going to leak in, especially when kids, right, when kids are insecure and they, they rib each other, they, they lash out at each other, they bully each other, they're mean to each other. How could that not make you feel like a bad person? And so I remember when you said do you think any part of that's true? So the rejection thing back to you. It's almost like we fear rejection because we're afraid that that, whatever that means about us, is actually true. So it when you were not considering yourself a good coach quote-unquote, which, by the way, what is a good coach? So then there's that rabbit hole. And then when you weren't sure that we had a great production, because in the beginning nothing's great. That's why starting a business is so hard. If you started with apple, you would. You would believe in the product at level 10.

Speaker 1

Yeah, but you don't know, it's not great really in the beginning Because it's all you know. You know In the beginning you kind of have to think it's great to get going. It's weird.

Speaker 2

At least I did. I don't feel like I thought we were great.

Speaker 1

Well, I think that's you, I think great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2

Yeah, understandable, but that's fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think a lot.

Speaker 1

Because you don't A lot of self-belief If you don't know what you don't know, you have to. You probably think you're using everything you know, so maybe you think you're good for where you are Right. I don't think, looking back, I was, but now I think the same thing. It's like oh wow, you thought you were a good coach then. My goodness.

Speaker 2

Right? Do you think that your fear of rejection is tied to your competence?

Speaker 1

I think my, so I think it's multifaceted One. I think is embarrassment we were talking about this today. If we were making a joke and it was like Kev, go ask that person for the wildest donut ever, it would be different, because I already know I'm going to get rejected, so I wouldn't be embarrassed. I'm going in with the understanding that I'm going to get rejected. That's why I'm doing it, so I think embarrassment is a big piece okay.

Speaker 2

So when you went to the gym and got rejected by the, the girl in the gym, years ago what was uh wasn't the goal?

Speaker 1

to ask not to the goal was to get it over with because I'd seen that person in the gym over and over and I never had the courage to do it. Every time I left I was more frustrated that I didn't have the courage to ask than anything else. So it was, quite literally, I don't really know. I don't really care what the outcome is going to be, I just want to do the behavior, because I just keep putting it off and I know it's tanking my self-worth and my self-belief.

Speaker 1

I always regret it. I knew I would rather get a no than nothing, because I didn't. I didn't regret it and again, I don't know if you were with me, right after you tell the story briefly, just because because I don't think anyone has context.

Speaker 1

There was back in the Worcester days, when I lived in Worcester, we would go to Crunch Fitness and there was this very beautiful girl there and she would work out often at the times that Matt and I, and sometimes Alan, would work out, and I would always see her in there and in there and I was like I want to talk to her and she's beautiful. I want to talk to this, this girl, but I never had the courage to do it. I never had the courage to do it. I know, and I also didn't want to be a gym creep, but that was a piece of it too is like I'm, of course, pretty again, this is going to sound like Uncle Rico throwing a football over the mountains.

Speaker 1

I was pretty well known at the gym, like I knew a lot of people at that gym. Right, every time I went in there I was talking to people I knew. So I was like I don't want to be that guy. There's a gym culture thing where you don't hit on people at the gym. It's a very fine line. You don't want to do that. So I didn't want to be disrespectful of this person's workout time. That's sacred, that's sacred time. But, yeah, I would compliment this person and I'm going to say I'd love to take you out if that's aligned or whatever. I'll figure it out when I do it Just didn't do it and I probably had that moment 10 times.

Speaker 1

And then eventually there was one day where I was like today's the day. I'm going to do it Because I know if I leave here I'm going to be regretful, because I've been regretful every other time. I don't care about the response. Really, I'm not whatever. I just want to get it over with and prove to myself that I'm capable of doing this. And that was, that was a time where I was big, huge into fear chasing, like those were the early days of fear chasing.

Speaker 2

I wish we talked about fear chasing as much as we had some stuff figured out back then.

Speaker 1

man, I was going to say I know I was was gonna say what we should do is we should do an episode on all the stuff that we used to talk about, that we don't need more I would love to fear chasing fail forward, dude the fundamentals. I know that we used to talk about vision.

Speaker 2

We used to talk about goals we used to and again, we, we still do. But what did you say? Clarity, clarity we just did. We talked about clarity with specific we still do, just in a very different way. But fear chasing we.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Taking action

Speaker 2

There's fear chasing, there's fear setting. Fear chasing is doing something that you're afraid of and basically being like I'm going to try really hard not to care about the outcome and I'm just going to do it. The only goal is to get outside my comfort zone. Yes, fear, get outside my comfort zone. Yes, fear setting is best case, worst case, most probable case, like what's the worst case scenario? Okay, she laughs at you and says you're the worst ugly man I've ever seen. Get out of here now, and even that's wildly irrational, obviously.

Speaker 2

But I like.

Speaker 1

I think that's a really good way to set it, though, because some people say a worst case scenario is they say no, that's not the truth. That's not the truth.

Speaker 2

That's actually not the truth. Worst case scenario is the plane crashes into the mountain and you are dead.

Speaker 1

The worst case scenario is oftentimes worse than you want to admit, but it's also very unlikely that it happens. Yeah, exactly, but it could happen. Okay, remember the party you and I went to, where I almost drowned when.

Speaker 2

I was swimming up to the dock. Don't drink alcohol and go for a swim when you're not a good swimmer.

Speaker 1

You seemed fine man, I was there for you. I'm sure I did seem fine, I was doggy paddling my life away.

Speaker 2

I really had no idea you were actually struggling.

Speaker 1

I don't know if you were hiding that I would have sunk like a rock man, Blub, blub, blub down to the bottom. I got worst case, worst case scenario rejected that night. Worst case it was freaking brutal. I was headed back to my tent because it was a party and everybody was sleeping in tents.

Speaker 2

And there was these Headed back to my tent.

Speaker 1

That's how every good story starts Right right Alone and I was single. I was single as a Pringle at the time and there was these two girls and I found them attractive and I approached them and started talking to them and I don't know what I said. I probably said something I don't want to say disrespectful, but it wasn't smooth. It wasn't like I was spitting game as the kids very articulate.

Speaker 1

Yeah, and it was. I got triggered. It was like you know how much money I make? Do you know how much money I make? Do you know how successful I am, how in shape I am? Because I was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed that, instead of saying a simple no would have sufficed. Yeah, simple no would have been justed.

Speaker 2

Yeah, a simple no would have been just fine, or?

Overcoming embarrassment

Speaker 1

I think something that really would have worked is like my apologies if I offended you I can clearly see that I did but I approached you both because I thought you were beautiful and I'm sorry that you took that the wrong way. And my apologies and I'm sorry if I was disrespectful.

Speaker 2

Between you and me, that woman who said that is obviously very entitled and yes, yeah, because who? Says that right, what a I again, instead of just taking the compliment and this is the fine line.

Speaker 1

Yeah, I'm not saying I went up there with shakespearean lines, so for all I know I might have said something that that did offend them, so I'm not going to make it just about again.

Speaker 2

Well, if you were insecure or scared? This is the problem with fear chasing is sometimes you overshoot.

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2

Because you're so afraid to do it. We're coaching a couple right now. I'll give it anonymous, but the male in the relationship, he's a computer science guy. He's very much a if-then statement coder and I respect statement coder and and I respect and admire that so much and I understand the pain because other people don't communicate in the way you think. So it's so hard. I mean, I've gotten really good at it over the years but it's awful to try to communicate with people who don't think in that. If, then but and logic statements the way a computer.

Speaker 2

Computer thinks is the way this man thinks. He actually worked at Google and I was trying to explain to his partner how scared he is to actually tell you what he really thinks. Because the way we think is so interesting and by we I mean the engineering types Like when you say, hey, do I look fat in this? Our brain goes at a level six. I'd say, if 10 is fat and zero is, our brain goes at a level six. I'd say if 10 is fat and zero is not, you're a six fat. That's what our brain says. But you can't say that.

Speaker 2

And this is one of the reasons why the truth telling on the last episode is so hard for me, because I actually will just take in the data and I do this with myself too. I also look fat At level nine, by the way, right, obviously not right now, but there's an engineering one and zeros sort of numbers modality of thinking that as a science and math brain you kind of just see the world as it is, not as people feel. So when Kevin asks me a question, he knows I'm not going to be able to tell him anything other than the objective truth, and a lot of people say, well, there is no objective truth, and it's like there is. Like gravity is 9.8 meters per second, regardless of your fucking opinion, like I'm not trying to be a dick, but that's the truth. And so, anyways, to bring it back, uh, to what we were talking about, I've completely.

Speaker 1

I was gonna say the second you said to what we were talking about. I knew you lost it. Yeah, I did. I've been talking to you long enough, I'm just gonna own it.

Speaker 2

I lost it um what were? You talking about before I brought up the?

Speaker 2

uh, I was talking about the rejection, and how got it yeah so he over swings, he's so afraid to tell her the truth and she wants the truth because she wants his authentic self, right, and it's like, listen, you can say that all day, but do you actually want my authentic self? Because my authentic self is going to tell you the truth. And he's so scared to tell her the truth, especially if she's not in a good state, that he hits the. I loved what you said on the last episode, which is if you give a hundred percent, give 100 truth, you, you better be ready for 120 back, meaning all the truth plus ego and, by the way, ego might just be. He's fearful to tell you this, so it's gonna come a little, it's you're gonna over swing. It's like a. So when you went up to those girls, if you're fearful, you probably overdid it, I probably did yeah, and then when you overdo it, you get it back I don't think it would be.

Speaker 1

I don't think it would be fair of me to purely blame them. It's a funny story in retrospect. At the time it really sucked, but I'm sure I wasn't eloquent with my language. It probably wasn't the smoothest thing in the world, Kev huge breakthrough.

Speaker 2

Self-perpetuating cycles were all about it. At NLU, the fear manifests itself. Think about it. At nlu, the fear manifests itself, think, think about it. You walk up to those two girls. You're afraid to get rejected. You ego up, which actually increases the chance that you not only get rejected but you're going to get shit on too. These fears that I'm telling you, it messes with us most of the time. But here's the problem. There's a reason you're afraid. Why are you afraid? Because in the past you've tried and someone was really unjust.

Speaker 1

No, no, that's not why I mean you've been.

Speaker 2

You told me you were made fun of for being short yeah, but never in that way, never in that way um picked on by older, taller kids like there's got to be some stuff everybody was afraid of me dude.

At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meetup every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.

Speaker 1

Very rarely did I get. I didn't really get picked on, I didn't. I remember there was in high school, there was um, there was an older kid who was mad at me, I don't know. I think I was like styling on him in uh football during gym styling on him yeah, it's like just touchdown after. I mean, come on man, what do you? You know?

Speaker 2

come on, what are we doing here? You're, you know and again, this isn't a judgment thing, but it's styling, it's an accuracy thing.

Speaker 1

You're the dude who's ripping butts in the circle outside of the school. I'm the dude who's going to gym, going to the gym and training mixed martial arts. You're not going to catch me. I'm an athlete. I'm an athlete. And then he wanted to fight me over it because I made him look bad or something it was like.

Speaker 2

Of course, I was terrified Because he's insecure.

Speaker 1

I was terrified, my goodness. I think a lot of it is embarrassment, and I mean this is the truth of it too. To your point, a lot of it's true. Many women do not want to date a man who's shorter than them. That is the fundamental truth.

Speaker 2

Yeah, that's facts.

Speaker 1

Tara and I have jokes about it all the time. When she wears heels, my wife is taller than I am. When she wears heels, she was taller than me at the wedding. It is what it is. I don't even think about it anymore. I don't even think about it anymore. I don't care like.

Speaker 2

What are we?

Speaker 1

doing here. I don't care, but you know how long it took me to get to that place how many a long time?

Speaker 2

huh, how many years? I mean 28, 29, uh, probably I don't think you ever Eliminate it? I think you shrink it. It's like a percentage. It's like it used to run you at 50%.

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, and then it was 45. Yeah, it'll always be there, but it's what percentage is there? Now I see pictures of me and you and it's like Shit.

Speaker 2

You know what's proof that you've overcome. It, though, which is fascinating Is when me and Matt yeah, yeah, we're like up on our shoulders yeah, yeah it like your, your stepfathers or whatever that's funny.

Speaker 1

I think it's. That's proof that you're you're overcoming it whereas you would never do that. If you're, yeah, but a piece of that is compensation too, though. It's like the m&m thing. It's like let me just make the joke, let me just get the joke over with. I'll just say what everybody else is thinking and I'll just own it. That way, at least I, I'm in control of it.

Speaker 2

What percentage is insecure about your height now?

Speaker 1

I mean, compared to what 10 back in the day.

Acceptance and growth in relationships

Speaker 2

Yeah, if it was a 10 back in the day, what is?

Speaker 1

it now. Man, it's again depends. Probably similar, probably like probably like five. It's different, it's different. I remember when I was on dating apps it was so hard for me because I always told the girl how tall I was because I was so afraid that they would meet me and be disappointed. I was so afraid that would have been devastating. The disappointed thing. That's a big thing. Talk to us. I had a moment so we got a couple minutes here before we go. This kind of has to do with rejection, so tie yourself, listen to what I say Tie yourself.

Speaker 1

Tie yourself, Listen to what I say if you want, and then just see if anything breaks loose for you around. Rejection and disappointment.

Speaker 2

All this is connected Embarrassment, rejection. I think, so Insecurity, they're all the same. I know it's connected.

Speaker 1

I know it's connected for me. We lost a client the other day. Wonderful client, love this client, sweetheart, great, human, awesome, awesome person Just sent me an email. Hey, kev, some things are going in a different direction and I want to. I think it was like cancel our arrangement. What a nice way to say it. I appreciated that very much. I love working with you and the team and the team. I'm just going in a different direction and if I ever decide to, go in this direction, I'll come back.

Speaker 2

Ps, it's because you're short. The other person's 6'5" Damn can't compete with that.

Speaker 1

That's what happens in our mind right. What if I knock 100 off, though? No, they're still a foot taller.

Speaker 2

Yeah, Shit okay Got it.

Speaker 1

So and I told you this, usually that throws my whole day off. I get this pit in my stomach. When you get very, very, very hungry, that's what I get. I get a pit in my stomach and usually it's like, oh my God, I'm the worst, I'm a loser, all these things. I'm incompetent, I'm not good enough, I'm defective, all that. But I said, okay, what is happening inside of me right now, like why am I so triggered? Let me sit with it. Because I told you I was like I need a system. Like when this happens, because it's going to happen, I need some sort of system because my emotions just get sabotaged and it just jeffs my day. You have to drive to BK at 11 am. Yeah, hey, man, dude, I got a can of everything I got to go get fast food. Man, don't text me today.

Speaker 2

I need a minute, I need a day.

Speaker 1

So I said, okay, what is my fear? My fear is that I disappointed this person and they look at me differently. Is that accurate? I said, yeah, it's potentially accurate. It's potentially accurate that what this person wants. They thought I was really good at what I do and now they don't. And I said, okay, well, why does that matter? They're going to respect me less, and respect is a huge thing for me. They're going to respect me less because I'm not the leader anymore and they don't think I'm the leader and I just lost all credibility. I lost my value. I'm not valuable to this person anymore. That's underneath that, okay, and I continue digging and digging and digging and eventually it got to the place where they're gonna think I'm worse than I really am and they're gonna think I'm defective.

Speaker 2

And that was which means what in in the utilitarian like when it comes to utility. What does that mean that? Means you are less likely to succeed, I think.

Speaker 1

Go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my greatest fears are true. I'm not that good and everybody knows it.

Speaker 2

Okay, and maybe there was some truth to that when you were younger, but there's less truth to that now. You see how these things maybe are rooted in some truth but we amplify them so massively like good I had a moment yesterday where I was on a coaching call with someone.

Speaker 1

At this point I haven't done nearly as many calls as alan, but I gotta be in the thousands over a thousand for sure, right, I don't, I don't know how many thousands.

Speaker 1

Yeah, and I had a moment where I, before the coaching call, I was like I don't want to freaking do this, like I do not want to do this, and I was like, okay, let's talk about it, kev, why don't you want to do it? And it got to. The same thing of my fear is, when this client gets off with me, they're going to be disappointed that they didn't learn as much as they wanted to. That that runs me so much. It runs me so much. That's one of the reasons I prep for everything, everything, now less than ever, because I'm more confident.

Speaker 1

But I am internally freaking out about this Evan Carmichael thing because I haven't prepped yet. I know, and I texted him, I sent him an audio the other day and said, hey, this is the direction I'm thinking of going in. I just want feedback on is this what you want the audience to receive? And he gave me some really, really good feedback. But underneath that, I don't want to disappoint them. I don't want to disappoint the people there, even though I don't know them and they don't know me, but that I think for me, if you reject me, you're disappointed in me. I think that's kind of the you know what's going to be really hard.

Speaker 2

Some people reject you because they're insecure. Some people will run away from you because they are too afraid to be around you.

Speaker 1

I'm getting there.

Speaker 2

As you become more and more and more it's going to be harder and harder and harder for people to be around you. Well, that's why this work is so important.

Rejection and disappointment

Speaker 1

And again I told Alan to get a therapist.

Speaker 2

It is not easy. Yeah, so I'm out here shooting.

Speaker 1

I feel like I'm on dating apps again. I'm out here shooting my shots and nobody's getting back to you.

Speaker 2

What are we doing? Yeah, what are we doing.

Speaker 1

I'm a successful podcaster coach me, please help me. I know when I, when I got carol she, she, her roster's huge and she, there was a huge waiting list and she eventually she bumped me up, which I appreciate um well, shout out to anybody doing it and hopefully the reason it's hard to get a therapist is because there's a lot of people getting therapists, so if that's the reason underneath that is, a lot of people are struggling with their mental health.

Speaker 2

Yes, there's a huge demand, but also if, if anyone out there wants to become a therapist, I think it's a good time uh because there's a big demand and the world needs it desperately, for sure. Uh, it's one of the best things I've ever done, honestly, even though it was awful in so many regards.

Speaker 1

I'm not even going to sugarcoat it.

Speaker 2

I think some of it was really awful, but awful in terms of what's best for me. Like the Stairmaster is awful, but it's what's best for you.

Speaker 1

That's what I meant to say I still don't think. I still don't think, I don't know, I don't. I still don't think stuff's awful. Maybe I just have a weird relationship. I did 50 minutes of hard cardio today. There was not a time where I was like this is terrible I don't get it. That doesn't make any sense to me.

Speaker 2

I think I love it when I was running that timed mile I only got a 709, which is not impressive for any runner. I guess for a bodybuilder it's decent, but like it was awful. Well, that's running though maybe it's because I love boxing yeah probably. I had a moment recently. You're in flow that.

Speaker 1

but I there is a piece of me that, um, likes pain, that likes Like when I'm.

Speaker 2

that's a part of me too, like in the run, half of me was like this is awesome.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Let's go, you go. And then there's a part of me that's like this is honestly awful. This is like so much worse than people like in theory running a mile. I ran four miles yesterday, not fast, but yesterday not fast, but like it took 35 minutes, so not fast. I was just listening to stuff trying to get my mind and all that, but I get it. It's painful, but half of it is awesome and half of it is awful. That's kind of why I said what I said is maybe awful is the wrong label, but it's, it's definitely painful. Anyone who denies that running is painful?

Speaker 1

that's fair, okay fair, but boxing is into me. I don't know.

Speaker 2

I like it it's probably more of the fulfillment cup part of you than it is the pain probably but that hard cardio you did today had to have been like painful, at least sometimes I guess in my mind I don't associate it, like with his pain.

Speaker 1

Yeah, it's like this is I, it's the grind. It's like this is the, the dungeons. I like that, like that's good. I know I'm making you know what it is for me it's progress. It's like this is progress. Yep, I'm making progress right now, sweating my, my face off on this. Uh, you ever use the ski, the? Uh, I don't know what it's called, but like the ski machine geez it's not about a humbling machine. Yeah, I'll pull this down a couple times.

Speaker 2

This shouldn't be nothing 30 seconds later shoop, shoop. Yeah, no, those things are brutal you can do straight arm and eventually you just start doing this like momentum one. Yeah, right, yeah, your form but I did that nice.

Speaker 1

All right, anything you want to add before we get out of here.

The mix of pain and satisfaction

Speaker 2

No, I think rejection, embarrassment, insecurity, failure, fear the extent to which you have the humility to admit it, the courage to overcome it and the vulnerability to sit in it is the extent that you'll succeed at whatever it is. I think what we want in life is on the other side of facing our deepest insecurities.

Speaker 1

I would concur. Just to make sure there's a valuable, tangible takeaway for this episode, I'll give a couple. Just a quick one. The thing that's helped me the most with rejection is not connecting the action of rejection to your self-worth. It's not always about you, like Alan said. Oh yeah.

Speaker 2

It actually almost never is.

Speaker 1

Yeah, oftentimes it's not, so sometimes this is what's worked really well for me. Sometimes it's not about you, so don't internalize it like it is. The opposite of that is sometimes it is about you, yep, and you have to take that feedback.

Speaker 1

You take that feedback and guess what? It's okay. If it's something you can't change, we have to rebuild our relationship with it, because then you're going to be afraid of getting rejected from that forever. If it is something we can change, that's awesome. This is that little kick in the butt Maybe it's your deepest fear, the worst case scenario that if you get a little bit better and you work on it, that deepest fear will never happen the way it happened. This way, hopefully Last little takeaway, please.

It's not always about you

Speaker 2

I used to have an executive admin who would reach out on my behalf and she had no problem getting rejected. When it was on my behalf, yeah, but when it came to her, she could not do it. That's why Because when someone reaches out for me and they reject me, that's not on her, and so that was very obvious to me when I saw her trying to achieve her own goals and dreams. She wasn't able to have that same tenacity and consistency because it was a reflection on her. So it is the identity piece If you can somehow realize that if you take 10 shots, you're going to miss 7 of them, but the 3 people that do resonate with who you are and what you do is worth it.

Speaker 2

Kevin and I have been rejected and failed way more than we've succeeded over time accumulated and failed way more than we've succeeded over time accumulated. But what we have? I have 26 clients. Now he has 35 plus 12 or 11 or whatever. We're coming up on 100 clients total, but we've lost a lot of clients in order to get there for sure and we've been rejected many times.

Speaker 2

So you, you have to take shots and we're not saying spray and pray, like some people, like don't send a thousand messages to random people and that's just stupid waste of your time. But at the end of the day, you're gonna have to face the fear of rejection in order to actually succeed at anything, whether it's asking someone to date, asking someone to coffee, dming emilia, like I did, like you have to face that, no matter what.

Speaker 1

Yeah it is unfortunate and it is challenging, but it it is true. Okay, if you enjoyed this episode and you would kindly leave us a review and or subscribe on the platform that you are listening or watching this on so you never miss an episode? You know we do one every single day and maybe some days you don't feel like getting better, but you get a little notification that Next Level U just posted an episode and you say you know what? Let me give this a quick listen and see what the boys are talking about today. So, yes, please subscribe and leave a review, if you would be so kind.

Speaker 1

And if you are working on fear chasing, getting outside of your comfort zone, dealing with rejection, judgment, disappointment, we have a Facebook group that is a very, very safe place for you to kind of shoot your shots. You can post something. If you're afraid of posting on social media, a great place to start is in a private Facebook group where everybody is into growth and you're not going to get crapped on, you're not going to get rejected, people aren't going to make fun of you, you're not going to get bullied. It's a very safe place. It's kind of like training wheels bully free zone safe place.

Speaker 1

It's kind of like training wheels, bully-free zone.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah, bully-free. We'll kick them out.

Speaker 1

We've banned and kicked out the bullies. Yeah yeah, nobody's going to make fun of you, and if they do, they're going to be gone because that's not constructive. So we'll have the link in the show notes for that. As always, we love you, we appreciate you.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host