Next Level University

#1737 - Low Self-Belief Creates LESS Self-Belief

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros delve into the transformative power of self-belief and how varying perceptions of success can shape our confidence and abilities. This episode is a rich tapestry of personal anecdotes, mentorship reflections, and heartfelt personal growth discussions. Whether you’re an avid angler or someone navigating the ups and downs of life, there’s something in this episode for everyone.

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Show notes:
(3:05) Fishing stories and the metaphor of self-belief
(8:08) The accuracy of self-perception
(13:13) Drive to 5 explained
(17:52) Self-assigning and fear of developing an ego
(20:19) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure y

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🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1736, dealing with Rejection. It does suck, but we can overcome it little by little. Today, for episode number 1737, low Self-B-belief creates less self-belief, so we're recording this on Monday. As you know, we try to record many episodes on Monday. We have to get all of our episodes done on Monday this week because I will be in Toronto Tuesday to Saturday, and yesterday on Father's Day happy Father's Day to any of our fathers out there listening was our Next Level Hope Foundation event. Alan and I had the event Awesome. Then we went fishing, because right behind the YMCA that we had the event at there's a lake. Ah, that was nice. What a coincidence. We found our own little cove under the trees.

Speaker 1

We dumped. We let the dogs out, took the feet right out of their shoes, put them right into the water. We walked out into the water and we took a bunch of casts.

Speaker 2

I used to live on that lake and I used to swim, it, kayak, it loved it and it was so nostalgic for me. My ex-girlfriend, courtney and I used to live across the lake and I used to catch some big bass in there.

Speaker 1

Of course, unfortunately, unfortunately, you and I used to catch some big bass in there, of course, unfortunately, yeah of course, unfortunately, yeah, you and I did not catch any bass.

Speaker 2

I did catch a log again, though.

Speaker 1

Yes, as you have Every time I've seen you, and when you say I didn't catch any fish, it's usually logs Yep. And that's where today's episode came from. So we were, were. It was beautiful talk. It was like 76 degrees out. The water was so nice, we were in up to our knees. It was wonderful. A wonderful way to spend the evening of father's day, because alan and I have spent father's day every year together for the last seven. Yes, so we're fishing and I did a instagram story.

Speaker 2

I said kev yeah, real quick, let's just so 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, yeah, 2023, 2024. So it is seven. Yeah, kevin and I had a debate yesterday of whether or not we could authentically say the last seven years, because in 2017, we didn't spend that Father's Day together because you were living in New Hampshire, but in 2018, we did Because of the bread and the sandwich. Yes, exactly, so you cannot fall down seven times and get up eight, but you can spend seven Father's Days together in six years.

Fishing stories and the metaphor of self-belief

Speaker 2

So we can officially say seven now, which is good, because if we've been in business for seven years, I don't want to say, well, technically, the first year. So seven is the accurate truth. I've worked that out in my head to make sure that we could authentically communicate on this episode.

Speaker 1

So seven years, and for the last seven years we have spent Father's Day in some way, shape or form together.

Speaker 1

Not necessarily the whole day, not necessarily fishing, but we've spent every Father's Day sometime together. So we were fishing and I did an Instagram video. I said you know anybody who's a liar like this kid over here? Every time I go fishing with him he's he ah, there's one. Oh, no, no, no, no, must've spit it out, must've spit it out. And then he gets stuck in a log and he's like oh there, nope, nevermind, that's a log. And we were joking and we were having a good time.

Speaker 1

And I said he said don't you do the same thing, like when you feel like you have a fish? Don't you say that Like, oh yeah, I lost it, I had it, I had a fish. And I said, honestly, most of the time I think I just get stuck in the weeds. I don't actually think there's a fish on there, unless I actually reel the fish in. And Alan said oh, that's a.

Speaker 1

Let's say he goes once a month. He goes 12 times a year. You could ice fish, I guess, in the winter, but let's just say as a round number, he goes 12 times a year. And every time he goes and he feels like he thought he had a fish on, even though it didn't get reeled into the boat. He says, yeah, no, I didn't catch anything today, but I feel like I I had seven bites, that's seven bites today.

Speaker 1

I, on the opposite side, I go fishing 12 times a year and say I don't catch any fish. And someone says, hey, you catch anything today. And I say, no, I didn't catch anything. I didn't even have a bite, not even a nibble. I was out there twiddling my thumbs. Alan is going to believe more in his fishing ability than I am, because even when he's not catching fish, the fact that he believes in himself makes him think that every time he has something, he thinks it's a fish, whether it is or not. And I on the opposite end, there was a couple times where I was like, oh, and then you said, oh, you had one. And I said I don't know. I think it was actually weeds, I'm not.

Speaker 2

I bet you sometimes it was weeds and a log or a log or whatever, and you were more accurate and sometimes I bet you it was an actual bite, probably. Now, in hindsight, looking back how many bites do you actually think you had?

Speaker 1

I don't know, I didn't have that many bites, maybe one.

Speaker 2

Maybe one. Okay, maybe one. So how many times did you hit weeds, or?

Speaker 1

a log or whatever, Seven times probably.

Speaker 2

Okay, so seven times no logs. Seven times you get caught in the weeds and you think at least one time.

Speaker 1

I'd say one time I had a bite potential fish Okay.

Speaker 2

I probably seven times. I probably think at least four of them were fish. I think one of them was like a littler fish that had trouble. So those are huge worms, man. This is how it works, right? This is exactly how it works.

Speaker 1

Now there's a story. You know, probably a little guy and he probably couldn't get his mouth around the whole worm, and then he told his family and then Papa Fish came over, he bit it, it slipped, and that explains two right there.

Speaker 2

And why are we talking about fishing?

Speaker 1

Because fishing is great.

Speaker 2

Fishing is great. I don't know if I like it anymore. It's a good metaphor. You what?

Speaker 1

I don't know if I like it anymore, why? One of my fears is I'm going to catch a fish, I'm not going to be able to get the hook out and it's going to hurt the fish. Well, that's why we bought pliers. I know, but I'm nervous of my skills. Sometimes you get hooked in there. It's a challenge. Definitely I don't want to hurt the fish.

Speaker 2

You ever killed a fish? Yeah, definitely, yeah, yeah, definitely. Unfortunately and again this is turning into a fishing conversation I I didn't realize how much I adore fishing until way later. I grew up on a small lake and I would fish my whole childhood. I swam and fished my whole childhood. I loved it, snorkeling and all of it, boogie boarding off the dock and dives, and also I didn't you take things for granted, you don't know. And when you get older and you don't live on the water anymore, it's like, wow, that was awesome.

Speaker 2

I remember for a long time and this, this might be something that's a credit hit for me, I don't care. I remember for a long time every now and then I would go out and I would actually shower in the lake, like bathe in the lake, and again, that wasn't like the only way I bathe, so don't worry, but every now and then, like I remember once a day, and then, when I lived on that lake with Courtney dude, every day I went swimming. I'm like. My mom sent me recently some photos of me in the water when I was a little kid and apparently I just love the water.

The accuracy of self-perception

Speaker 2

Amelia is the one who identified that because her parents have a place on a lake and I love the ocean too, but the lake life is for me. I'm, just I'm. That's a new dream live home on a lake, and by new dream. It's not a new dream, emilia, and I talked about it five years ago, but need it. That was awesome to be back there. I love it. But anyways, my point of all that is I have unintentionally killed fish when they swallow the hook too deep and then you have to, like, rip it out, it's not good, or you cut it and then they struggle to digest and they die. So that has happened. But if you get better at fishing, you can really minimize the chance that that happens, which honestly hey, honestly one of the reasons what you talking trash. Well, you are an avid fisherman.

Speaker 1

According, to your resume. That was on my resume. You ever put anything about fishing on your resume. You can't tell me nothing, son all right.

Speaker 2

So one of the reasons, seriously, I think I struggled to hook the fish yesterday is out of that fear. I don't want to let them. So you're supposed to let the largemouth bass and everything's different with different fish, whatever. This isn't a fishing podcast, but with largemouth bass, that's the main fish that I've been fishing my whole life Largemouth bass, and we were talking about how big we've caught and all that kind of stuff. But with largemouth bass you're supposed to let them not swallow it, but you're supposed to. When, when you get a bite, especially when you're using a rubber worm, you're supposed to give it a second before you set the hook. I'm so afraid they're going to swallow it that I I try to set the hook too quick and I usually rip it out of their mouth because I don't give it enough time to set the hook, and that's one of the reasons why I actually think I didn't catch any fish yesterday. So again, another narrative. I have a great this would be.

Speaker 1

this would be an amazing thing, amazing experiment you take. You'd have to take a certain amount of humans right. You couldn't just do it with two people. You take 100 people 50 who self-identify as having high self-belief, 50 who self-identify as having high self-belief, 50 who self-identify as having low self-belief. You take them all to a pond that has no fish and you don't tell them. And then, when you get to the end of the day, how many bites did you have? That would be so good, and I am so curious to see what would come of that. Because there are no fish, so you didn't get any bites. Zero, there are no fish. There's nothing in there. There's no life in this water at all. We literally just put it in today.

Speaker 2

Nothing. But here's the other thing. I do want to share this please. I used to snorkel when I was a kid and I would be on a boogie board and Kiki and I used to tie fishing line to sticks and we would snorkel while there was this big school of huge largemouth bass. Like I took it for granted as a kid, these were five pounds. I mean, these are huge fish, it's a big fish. It's a big fish and we would.

Speaker 2

We wanted to watch them yeah while we caught them, and so one of the reasons why I think I'm more accurate than maybe you think I am because kevin always jokes it was a log. It's always a log with kev, even though it's always a fish with me, like that's us being playful, right. One of the reasons why I think I'm more accurate than you is because I I've witnessed what it feels like and what it looks like when a large mouth bass does actually bite your hook. I mean even the fish that I caught two or three weekends ago that I sent into the out here jeffin group. The out here jeffin group is a little nlu team group where where the only rule is you're not allowed to talk about work. So it's everyone shares stuff, like amy with baby raccoons and me fishing and all kinds of stuff. But when I share like that I could see the fish biting it. So it's not sometimes back in the day when I would fish.

Speaker 2

You fished on my, the lake that I grew up on. You can see all the way down to the bottom because it's such clear water. So I always you know the difference because you have so much, so many reps where you have been in the weeds versus seeing an actual fish, particularly largemouth bass, grab it and then let it go, because that's what they do they bite it and then they let it go as soon as they realize that it's not a real live bait Understand. They bite it and then they let it go as soon as they realize that it's not a real lab bait Understandable. That's one of the reasons why I think I'm more accurate. I'm sticking to it, although I did genuinely catch a log yesterday so that was definitely a log.

Speaker 1

I think it's a. Regardless of who's more accurate or less accurate, I think it's a really good understanding of the drive to five. If another quote we've said many times we haven't said this in a minute what you think you are is far more important than what you actually are. From a mindset place and in a vacuum, I guess it's not really. If you think you're the best motorcycle jumper this side of the Mississippi and you're not, that's a very fast way to end up deader than you are now Right, not?

Drive to 5 explained

Speaker 1

necessarily Explain what the drive to five is for sure For the new listeners when alan and I first partnered up, we began to realize how different we were, and I was someone who had very, very low self-belief. And now I think in retrospect we think it might have been higher than we thought originally. But this is how it all kind of came together. I was somebody who I had very low self-belief. I didn't believe in myself at all. I was afraid to get mentors because I didn't think I could. I was afraid to ask for help. I didn't feel smart enough, all of that stuff. I just felt not enough in all the ways. Alan was on the opposite end, where at times Alan didn't think he needed mentors because he knew a lot. Alan didn't think he needed mentors because he knew a lot. Alan didn't necessarily think he needed help.

Speaker 1

He might be confident without results, where, if you're low on the drive to five, you might have the results and still not be confident.

Speaker 2

What are some other high drive to five, like high ends characteristics. The high level is that the far so zero to ten. Five is centered, five is confident but humble. Five is accurate. Zero end it's a spectrum. Zero is what Kevin was describing of no matter how many results you get, you still don't believe in yourself. And ten is no matter how many results you don't have, you still believe in yourself. It's almost like and and on the 10 it's the puffer fish, it's I'm, I'm strong and capable, even though deep down I know I'm not. And then on the zero end it's a turtle shell. I'm gonna kind of hide and shell up and and there's a lot of nuances to this, but the best way that I know how to describe it is this the tens on my end of drive to five don't think they need a mentor or a coach or a therapist. The zeros don't believe they deserve one, or they don't believe they can get one or they're too afraid to get one. And mentors, coaches and therapists are valuable, no matter where, what end you're on, depending on the coach and the mentor.

Speaker 2

Because here's the thing, and I want to share this because this is important in hindsight, now that I'm 35 years old, I re-watched the movie of my life and every single person I've ever met, every single mentor I've ever had. Every single coach I've ever met, every single mentor I've ever had, every single coach I've ever had. Because at this point I've had dozens of mentors and coaches, particularly in corporate. I had mentors always. I always had like a higher up a boss and a boss's boss, and I I always like saw to them to how to improve. Always that was just a natural thing. And in hindsight some of them are like, wow, that was really good, they were very accurate. That's very true. Now that I'm older and wiser and more experienced and I've learned a lot more, now it's like, yeah, that was really sound advice. And then other ones it's like, oh my God, like I can't believe that I listened to you. That was so wildly not only inaccurate but just bad advice for me personally. And so all of you listening or watching this, if you look at your life and you see coaches and mentors or just people in your life that ever gave you advice, solicited or not, as you get older and wiser, some of them get better and better and better in your mind and some of them get worse and worse and better in your mind and some of them get worse and worse and worse and it's just like movies is, when you re-watch a good movie I a good example of this not a good movie?

Speaker 2

When I saw the rundown as a kid, I thought it was awesome and I watched it again with emilia in my early 30s and I was like, oh, this is garbage not garbage, but it's way worse than I thought. Whereas when I watched the titanic on the 25 year anniversary in theaters 3d I was like this is even better than I thought. The more well developed I become, the more I understand and the more of a masterpiece this becomes. Versus the rundown, it's like, ah, this is kind of stupid. Honestly, it's kind of stupid and it's still funny, but it's not as funny as it was when I was an idiot or when I was younger.

Speaker 1

Sorry, do you do you think it's a conversation about self-assigning? Because your self-assigning is I caught this fish. I caught a fish. I just didn't. I didn't get it all the way in or I had a bite, just Just because We've talked about this a lot in group coaching. I was a very good baseball player. I was very talented at baseball. I started when I was nine and I made every All-Star team from then on. Not because I practiced harder than anybody else, I was just good. I was really good at baseball. I was very athletic and I was fast and I would dive. Although I was blind in one eye, I somehow was a really good hitter. I don't, I don't know how that happened, but yeah, but I always not literally blind in one eye.

Speaker 1

I am literally blind in one eye I'm legally, legally, legally yeah 100. I can't read my screen if I close my left eye yeah, it's wild.

Self-assigning and fear of developing an ego

Speaker 1

It's bad. When I went I don't know why this maybe was the first time I'd ever gone to the eye doctor. It was A lot of time in between, but I remember going to the eye doctor and they said so, kevin's probably like pretty bad at school, right, how dare you? First of all, and my mom said, no, he gets A's and B's. This was in like elementary school, middle school. Yeah, this was in elementary school, middle school. Yeah, this was in middle school. And they're like he's probably very bad at sports, right. And they're like, no, no, he's an all-star. That's interesting, because he can't really see out of one of his eyes.

Speaker 2

So we're not really sure how that happens. Your life is ridiculous.

Speaker 1

I've had an interesting life, for sure. I always thought I just got luckier at baseball more often than other people. I never self-assigned that I was really good at baseball.

Speaker 2

I never did I never do you think what happened if you did? And aka just to transcode that you're not assigning it to your identity it's weird how you always considered yourself athletic and you did hold that identity, but yet you didn't self-assign. When you're on the All-Star team, do you identify as an All-Star? Yeah, okay but not until after you get on the All-Star team.

Speaker 1

I think one of my fears, one of the fears I have deeply, is having an ego, and I think I was afraid if I self-assigned too much, I'd be one of those kids who thought he was better than he was Okay why would that be a bad thing? Because those people aren't good teammates. Nice, there's always the coach's son who gets all the playing time but has none of the skill. Not always, but that's a common thing in baseball or all sports.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

And it was always a thought of like number one, you're not that good, just so you know.

Speaker 2

Yeah, number two, but they think they are because they got results that weren't based on merit right.

Speaker 1

Yeah, and number two nobody on the team really likes you because you get all the playing time and you haven't earned any. You're not that good, You're like an automatic out.

Speaker 1

Everybody knows when you get up to the plate you're probably going to strike out, but you still bat fourth every game, Like what are we doing here? Fourth is where you put one of the better hitters. So, yeah, I think I was always afraid, Because if you ask me looking back it Looking back, I was like, yeah, there were certain things that I knew I was really good at.

Speaker 2

Did you identify as an?

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Speaker 1

all-star back then Probably not to the degree I should have. If I got on base, I usually would steal second base and steal third base. That was my thing. I would steal all the bases all the time. That was always my thing. I was usually the leadoff hitter. I'd get on, I'd steal, I'd steal and then I'd score. That was my thing because I was little and I was fast but I could hit the ball pretty far. I had power too and I was really good in the field. I made diving plays all the time. I got up the middle in the hole, backhanded, jumping throws, all that stuff. But I don't ever think I self-assigned as much as I could have or should have.

Speaker 2

So you were afraid to have an ego which ended up having the upside of never being full of yourself, never being a bad teammate, never losing your humility, but it had the downside of not believing in yourself, yeah, and for me, I would believe in myself a ton.

Speaker 2

But at times I've been, I've had an inflated perspective of my own capabilities at times. So, for example, when I did the seven minute mile recently, I thought I was, I was going to go for six. I figured I could get 630. I figured worst case seven and I ended up with 709. And I was humble pie for me. But so here's the thing is what you would have thought? Well, I'll probably get like a 10. And then you know I'll shoot for 10. And then you'll probably end up with like what? An eight and a half or something.

Speaker 1

No, I did the time mile recently. For me it was like I just want to see where I'm at. I didn't even have an expectation.

Speaker 2

That's the state and prove. This is what it comes down to is how do you build self-belief? You state, prove and self-assign. That's why I have more belief than you, brother. That's it I stated. I'm going to go for six.

Speaker 1

I know, but it starts with the understanding that if you get seven, it doesn't destroy your self-belief.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

State-Prove-Self-Assign

Speaker 1

Yeah, that's the hardest part about this, one of the reasons it's so hard to give advice on self-belief. Self-belief, especially self-worth, is a whole other monster Because it's different. It involves so many different things. But it really depends on where you are, because if you haven't run in five years, you need to go run an eighth of a mile and don't look at the time, don't look at the speed, don't care. Go do it in the dark so nobody sees you, don't worry about it.

Speaker 2

But that's still a state in prove. I'm going to state that I'm going to run an eighth of a mile. I'm going to prove that I can do it. Even if that I can do it at all, no time. Well, it's, it's a and then when I try.

Speaker 2

Yeah, exactly. And then when I do it, I'm gonna self-assign. Hey, I did that. And I said I was gonna do it and I did it. That's how you build self-belief unconsciously. And People who do have really high self-belief in the psychology it's called self-efficacy, really high self-belief in the psychology, it's called self-efficacy. It's they're doing that formula. It took us a long time to figure out the formula for self-belief. I mean, we didn't figure that out until what, four years in or something.

Speaker 1

It took a long time.

Speaker 2

Yeah. And then self-worth is. We have a pyramid. It's also a formula as well. If you want the formula for self-belief or self-worth, those are the core. I mean that's it right there. That's if you have high self-belief and self-worth, those are the core. I mean that's it right there. That's if you have high self-belief and self-worth, very little is not available to you. Yeah, over time, over time again over time, nothing is yeah, you can have it all tomorrow.

Speaker 2

There's very little you can achieve tomorrow, but if you have high self-belief and self-worth and you know how to build them when they crumble, build them back, there's very little you can't accomplish in a decade, like in enough time this is why people say fake it, so you make it yeah yeah, this is one thousand percent same thought process.

Speaker 1

Let's say there's person a, person b, person a goes out on dates and 10 of them it's probably higher, 40 of them don't work and they assume I'm the worst. Of course this happens, this always happens. Yep, I'm never going to find my person On the other side. Same thing happens with person B, but person B has more belief and they don't blame themselves necessarily.

Speaker 2

Yep.

Speaker 1

Therefore they don't improve or well, yeah, maybe they don't improve.

Speaker 2

But they don't necessarily believe less in themselves. No, no, that's the problem. It creates delusion.

Speaker 1

Right, right right.

Speaker 2

Because? But here's the thing I have a client who who was on with yesterday and I remember back in the day I coached her too and she said alan, I've never really failed. And I remember and this is before I realized that all the what we're talking about right now I didn't understand to this extent. Obviously I had an idea of it, but we didn't know about self-worth back then. Really, we didn't fully, I didn't fully understand the dynamics. So this is what I said back then, which was well, that means you, uh, obviously aren't growing enough, you're not putting yourself out there enough. Like, can you imagine if I was like, yeah, man, I never really fail at anything? It's like what, dude, I'm actually proud that I failed.

Speaker 2

Okay, when I had the 709, I was like are you kidding me? Like this was my actual inner dialogue. Okay, so don't villainize me for this. But it was like are you fucking kidding me, alan, 709? And I thought I was hammering Dude. I was hammering dude, I was hammering, I'm not kidding. This was not like a jog man, this was. I was running. I mean, if, if, 100 capacity is death. I was in the 90s, I was, I was hammering, I was on the ground after this, no, no, and I'm like are you kidding me, man? Come on, you call yourself an athlete now. Okay, that's called. Don't do that if you don't have high self-esteem and self-belief, all right.

Speaker 2

And then after that I sat there and I said, okay, well, I'm glad I tried and I'm glad that I'm more accurate now and and I'm grateful for the humble pie, because I needed that, because now I'm going to go work on it because Emilia and I are doing a 5k in Otis with her family this year and last year not last year, but the year before I ended up walking. I ended up running backwards, kind of. I was like, oh, we're gonna do it together, I'm gonna stay with Emilia. Emilia's a mesomorph, she's only 5'3, she's not a runner and she struggles with running compared to me and I have these giraffe giraffe legs, so it's really not fair. My one stride is her two strides, so it's really not fair. But anyway, so I'm running backwards, basically back then, and she's like, can you just go? Like, just go. And then the last mile I was hammering and I was dying Right, and I still ended up with, I think, 24 or something for my time.

Speaker 2

But this year I think it'll be interesting because I'm not going to try to win this thing, because I'm not a runner, I don't care, but like I'm not going to train extra for this, but I am eager to see what my time is when I actually try, because there's these two parts of me and I want to make sure this is for the listeners as well. There's one part of me that wants to see what he's capable of. So everyone out there, you have this part. There's a part of you that wants to see what you're capable of. They want to see what you're capable of. And then there's this other part, and this is a scarcity part and this is like I have to be the best. For me it's that, other people it's.

Speaker 2

I'm afraid to fail, so I try to separate those two parts. There's an authentic, vulnerable, courageous, wonderful, abundant part of Alan that is I want to see what I'm capable of and I'm excited for that. And then there's this other weird part that was developed probably when I didn't feel love for my stepdad or whatever. That's like I have to win this thing and if I don't win this thing, I'm not worthy. And that part doesn't drive like it used to. And I think for other people. If you don't have that part, it's probably.

Speaker 2

I'm so afraid to fail, I'm afraid I'm embarrassed. What if I have to walk? What if I can't finish it? Whatever that is, you just have to. You and I both have to have courage. It's just a different yeah for sure, it's a different dynamic, right? So so my fear about this 5k is I'm gonna train and I'm gonna be upset when I don't win it. That's my fear. And my fear is I'm either gonna over train and put too much time and effort into this it's gonna hurt my relationships, and then I'm gonna win the thing or I'm not gonna win, and then that's gonna bother me. That that's my fear. My fear is not I can't finish the 5k, like I don't have any of that. Of course I can. That's going to be fine. What would be your fears? Like if you were coming to Otis with us? What would be your fear?

Speaker 1

Probably I would. Yeah, probably not finishing or doing less than the expectations. Yeah, probably not finishing or doing less than the expectations, Not even necessarily my expectations.

Speaker 2

Others. What are other?

Speaker 1

people expecting of you? I don't know. I think that's the fear, probably better than what I'm doing. Better than what I'm doing. That's why I love telling people I'm a podcaster, because people don't have very high expectations. It's like what do you? That's what you do for a living. It's like, yeah, we have a business, you know 1,700 episodes, and then from there, people get more impressed. Where, if it was like, you know whatever? Well, there's the. It's not really about me.

Speaker 2

I don't think you associate failure with disappointing others. I associate failure with not trying. To me, not trying is failure. I'm grateful I did that. I didn't fail because I didn't get six. I mean I did in terms of that, but for me I'm glad I tried, like that's what's impressive. It's like who does a timed mile on a whim alone, just to test themselves at 35 years old, who doesn't run Like to me that's just awesome. I don't think that's ego, I think that's.

Speaker 1

And Emilia was blown away, not by my results, but she was blown away by me trying.

Speaker 2

She literally said that. She said no one does that, Alan, no one eats humble pie on purpose.

Speaker 1

Well, I think you know yourself at this point, you know you need humble pie.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it's made me better, for sure.

Speaker 1

Yeah, of course, because, dude, I of it that way. I had ego. I thought it was going to be easy. I had no I. I would say I had ego, but I also had very little awareness around.

Speaker 2

It was nice around more than anything, yeah.

Speaker 1

Yeah, very, very little awareness around money.

Speaker 2

Can you tell that story briefly, just for the new listeners?

Speaker 1

off. Alan and I were. This was back in the early entrepreneurship days, the good days. Lack of results, but a lot of time. Lack of results, but a lot of time. We were in the gym and back then we would do hour and a half, two hour workouts on the reg it was, and somehow Alan brought up running in a six minute mile or running I think he just brought up running and we were talking about how, how fast do you think you could could do a mile, and I don't know if you brought up the number six or I did, but it got to the point where I was like, yeah, I could run a six minute mile, for sure it probably wouldn't.

Speaker 1

I can't imagine that would be like that hard. Is that good? It's like six minute mile good. And you're like kev, that's a world class. And I was like I could do that for sure, for sure I didn't say world class because it's not Olympic but it's for a random. Hey, I'm going to run a mile on a whim, a random bodybuilder who doesn't run.

Speaker 2

Yeah, you go up to a random bodybuilder in the gym that looked like Kev at the time. No one's running a six.

Speaker 1

Yeah. So he was like all right, let's do it. There's a track right down the street we can go do it, dude, you were comp back then.

Speaker 2

You had so much muscle mass. Imagine kev with his thick yeah, 40 inch legs. I was just trying to run a six. I don't know if it was 40 inch. What was your quad?

Speaker 1

no, I don't, I don't know, I didn't, I didn't measure it it's probably other than that weird, that weird guy who made forced himself to measure me before we did a photo shoot.

Setting realistic goals and building self-belief step-by-step

Speaker 1

It's like, oh, in retrospect I don't know if that was as kosher as I thought it was at the time, but that's a story for another day. I'm built to sprint, I'm not built for distance. So we went down to the track and I was like, all right, man, let's limber up. And and then we, then we started it's like how many times around? Is this four times around? All right, cool. And then we hit, go and started and I started strong, obviously, because that's how everything tends to start. And then eventually alan started pulling away from me and I tried like I was really I you want to talk about close to death. I was given it 99, I was given everything I had. And then, I think on the last lap, I think I made it like a quarter of the way and then I just laid down.

Speaker 1

I was like I can't, I can't do this and I think alan finished at what 6, 10 or something.

Speaker 2

6, 6 18 6 18. I'll never forget that because, dude, I'm a little upset that I've gotten worse I can, I can tell, yeah, but I also was I mean, that's all we did, right?

Speaker 1

I mean we were working out every day all like a lot of the day, swimming every day, and all that later then I was. I was probably 165. At that point I was probably like 15 pounds, at least 10 pounds later yeah, I think at that time I was probably in the one mid 180s for sure now I'm 190 190, but anyways.

Speaker 2

I know this is a big fitness episode, but remember the metaphor underneath. This is which end of the drive to five are you on and what's the story you're telling yourself about yourself when it comes to this stuff?

Speaker 1

What are you afraid of, if you're?

Speaker 2

going to do a 5K. Imagine everyone's going to come to the 5K with me. Are you afraid that you're going to obsess too much about it and you're going to try to win and you're afraid to get second? Or are you afraid you're not going to be able to finish? Are you afraid of other people's expectations? Are you afraid to let yourself down? Like what is the core fear? Because if you want to build self-belief, it really comes down to state I'm going to do something. Just make sure you're intelligent about it. Don't say I'm going to run a marathon if you don't have high self-belief, because you need to start small and build and are not going to train.

Speaker 2

Yeah and are not going to train Exactly. You got to start small and build State. You're going to do something that you know you're capable of, that's slightly outside your comfort zone, and then prove to yourself you can do it and then self-assign it. Once you do it, you have to self-assign it Like I did that. But if you don't do the state part, you're not going to self-assign.

Speaker 1

Fitness and Fishing. Oh yeah, the new NLU.

Speaker 2

That's what you can name this Rename it.

Speaker 1

Fitness and Fishing Fitness. And.

Speaker 2

Fishing, fishing It'll probably crash Fitness and Fishing.

Speaker 1

It is a tough one. It is a tough one, all right. Shout out to all of you who have left reviews since we started asking. Appreciate that so very much. If you have not yet and it is a line please leave us a review on your platform of choice, whatever you're listening to this on, and or if you're watching this on YouTube, you can. You can't leave reviews on YouTube, but you can subscribe Also. Please subscribe on whatever platform you're listening. Alan is holding up the next level Dreamliner. It is about to be Q3 coming up in a very short amount of time. So if you are needing a Dreamliner for Q3 and Q4, we'll have the link in the show notes. They are available on Amazon Also. You can speak more eloquently on this than I, but we're choosing a new book for Book Club.

Speaker 2

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right now. So there's a poll in Next Level Nation. If you're not in Next Level Nation, we will also provide a link in the show notes. There's a poll. That's at the top so I pinned it to the top, so when you get in the group you should be able to see it. There's five books. Let me see if I got this. Indistractable by Nir Eyal. We've interviewed him. Identity Shift by Anthony Trucks, buddy of ours, wonderful book. All of these are fire, same as Ever. By Morgan Housel, which is one of my top 10 favorite books of all time. I'm actually listening to it because it's winning right now.

Speaker 1

I'm trying to get ahead of schedule. That's the one.

Speaker 2

I voted for baby. Is it Nice? Then there's Peak Performance by Brad Stolberg and Steve Magnus. You and I were going to interview Brad and by Steve Magnus. You and I were going to interview Brad and we wanted to interview him about this book and then he had a new book that we didn't want to interview him about, so we didn't end up doing it, but anyways.

Speaker 1

And then the last one is I know it if you don't Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke True. True.

Speaker 2

She was a very strong poker player, and she talks about how to think to where your outcomes are more probable. So, anyways, those are the five books. Go vote, please. The Dreamliner, by the way, is exactly how you build self-belief, because it breaks down big dreams into tiny inch pebbles, and so it's exactly what we talked about today. So if you want a Dreamliner, buy it now, because the hardcover one takes like two weeks.

Speaker 1

And we'll have the next level fishing guide available in Q4, where we talk all about is it a nibble, is it a bite, is it a fish, is it a log? All of that stuff, q4. Sounds good. You know what I mean, you and I on location. Somebody will be out there with us.

Speaker 2

You and I are.

Speaker 1

Really valuable. Yeah, it's's gonna be super valuable. That's not real, that's not gonna happen. But imagine in a world where it did. Okay, we're not gonna tell you about next episode because we don't know what we're doing and we're trying to figure out our new flow of conversation and how we do things. Such an interesting last thing before we go. One of the things the intentions we had when we first started this podcast, and we've tried to hold throughout, is we want to grow together with our amazing community, and the way we're doing the podcast now is just proof of that growth, because we're doing things a little bit differently than we have in the past.

Speaker 2

Things that we're growing through and learning and experiencing that we are called to and passionate about talking about. I think we'll always land more, I agree, Than hey, let's pick a in four weeks from now. Let's do the top three ways to blah, blah, blah. I just I think that that's what meetups are for right. Meetups are monthly and we do topics that we pick a month in advance, but for the episodes, we want them to be in the moment. Conversations about things we're deeply passionate about, them to be in the moment, conversations about things we're deeply passionate about, and I think that this is the way I concur.

Speaker 1

As always, we love you, we appreciate you, we're grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Drive to five, next explanation.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host