#1738 - The 4 Types Of Care

Have you ever noticed how people show they care in different ways? In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss how actions like blaming, not caring, getting inspired, or pulling away, these reactions are all rooted in care. This revelation will change how you perceive the actions of others, providing a new lens through which to understand human interactions. By reflecting on this experience, this topic aims to raise awareness about how people show they care and how it impacts our perceptions and interactions.

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Show notes:
(1:50) Variety in caring
(5:01) Personal growth
(10:17) Pain to positive change
(13:58) Villainizing others and admiration
(20:25) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your succ

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode. Episode number 1,737, low Self-Belief Creates Less Self-Belief. Fishing and Fitness. Today for episode number 1,738, the Four Types of Care. Number 1738, the four types of care.

Speaker 1 0:31

I would say this is one of those episodes that the ultimate goal is to leave with more awareness than you came with, and I think every episode is that. But I don't know how tactical this episode will be, so I just want to preface with that. You and I were having a conversation and we were talking about being villainized and people not understanding certain parts of us, and I said well, isn't it interesting how people just care differently? Some people, when they care about the difference in your belief and theirs, they villainize you. Some people don't care at all if you're successful or you're not successful or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 1:07

Other people care a ton when you're doing something noteworthy. They feel inspired by what you're doing. And then some people, when they care, they actually just run away. And I didn't say all those things. We came up with those together. I'm responsible for every piece of value in this episode, but we were saying how interesting it is how people react differently and they might not want you to think they care about something, but the energy they give you actually kind of reveals the flavor of their caring and we thought it would be a cool episode to talk about. Again, do I know what we'll leave with? Not necessarily, but I think it's a good awareness episode.

Variety in caring

Speaker 2 1:47

I want to share the origin story of where this came from for me. That, I think, would provide awesome context. When I was a sophomore nope, freshman in college I was not a fulfilled human being. It was an unhappy time for me. I had this really long sort of emo hair going. I wasn't in shape. I was definitely drinking and partying a lot. I went from super quote-unquote smart everything comes easy to me to like one of the top technical colleges in the world with engineering, where it was very eye-opening how much my not having to study much to get straight a's was gonna be a huge issue. I remember taking electromagnetism physics and being like I am in trouble. This I was the physics award in high school. I'm not getting any awards on this one and granted, now I understand that a lot of those kids not only came from really really, really much better schools than I did, but also they are kind of the stay inside, don't party to study all night before the exam and, honestly, weeks in advance. I just didn't have good habits back then honestly.

Speaker 2 3:10

I got by on natural talent up to that stage of my life and that wasn't going to fly anymore. So I found the smartest people I could find and I befriended them and we had a blasty blast and I taught them how to party and they taught me how to not fail out of college. Had a blasty blast and I taught them how to party and they taught me how to not fail out of college. I'm obviously being playful, but uh, truth be told, they were. They were the a lot of the reason we we crewed up and we did a really good job together, did all our projects together, all that kind of stuff. Okay, so very dark time in my life, but also partying a ton. So, so tons of fun, but not a lot of fulfillment.

Personal growth

Speaker 2 3:45

I go home to a party and this is a young man that I grew up with and he has a huge house and he threw a rager and it was awesome and everybody was invited Sorry, kev Almost everybody was invited All my hometown friends, all that stuff. And there was a young man named Matt not the Matt that the listeners might know, which is Kevin and I's friend Matt, kevin's best friend, matt and this is a different Matt I'll just use first names, but this Matt is from Mendon, which is a town very north of where we grew up, kevin and I, and Matt was the man I mean, he was tall, he was good looking, he was jacked, he was charismatic, he was fun, he was just awesome. And I was not super awesome and I was skinny and insignificant and I was great at video games and I was really smart, to quote unquote. But I didn't feel valued at all in comparison to this man and I just he, he, uh, I felt very small in comparison. So I paled in comparison or he paled in comparison. I don't know what that saying is, but the point is is that I'll never forget it. I was feeling insignificant and insecure and it was not a. That's not normal for me. So this is one of the times in my life where I was doubting my worth and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 5:15

And he came in with his buddies and they were I'll never forget it. He's like are you guys ready to shmingle? And I was like what man? And he's like shmingle, like sexy, sexy mingling. Are you guys ready to sexy mingle with, with the ladies? You know? And he was being playful, he wasn't being toxic, genuinely it was. It was really good and I just remember being like, oh my God, no, I'm not ready to shmingle. You have to be sexy to shmingle. I'm not sexy at all, man. So I remember I walked away and I went into a corner in the basement by myself where we used to play video games in this like corner of this basement.

Speaker 2 6:00

And I was just sitting there just re-evaluating my existence like, oh my god, you have let it go. Alan, you need to change your life. You need to. You need to fix yourself, you need to work on yourself, you need to change. And one of my buddies that I grew up with came and found me. He said are you okay? And I don't know what I told him. I probably said no, I'm struggling, and I don't think we got into it because back then vulnerability wasn't exactly my go-to. No, I just feel insignificant and vulnerable. I don't even know if I knew what all that meant. All I knew is I need to work on myself. I need to go on a self-improvement spree. And this is before I knew what self-improvement kind of was. I think before, before 26, I I was into improvement, not as much self-improvement, but I did know that I needed to go on an improvement spree. But I didn't really. I label it as self-improvement like, oh, I'm gonna go on a holistic self-improvement spree, like back then. That wasn't my verbiage, right? But I need to quit drinking, I need to start lifting weights, I need to start getting my health in order. I need to start studying and I need to relax with this partying all the freaking time thing. I need to stop taking so many shots, all this stuff. And so I remember.

Speaker 2 7:16

After that, I started lifting weights, I started getting in the gym and I remember my sophomore year of college. I was really starting to get in shape. I played basketball all the time. All the time. I loved it, and basketball is just a lot of running around. Basketball players are just in great cardiovascular shape. They always are, because it's so much running and you're handling the ball, so you're using your legs to run and jump and your hands are constantly moving. So it's just you want to burn a lot of calories, go play basketball all day, but anyways. So I played basketball almost every day. I lifted weights almost every day and I was just. My whole friend group used to play poke fun at me, actually, and they used to say, whenever we'd get a free t-shirt in college or whatever, I'd always cut the sleeves off it. And in an engineering school that's not normal, you don't do that right. So I was the bro quote unquote. But anyways, 10 years later I run into Matt again, and at this point, not only have I graduated college and my master's and went into corporate and success, success, success, car accident flipped my life around all in fitness fitness model, fitness competitor, fitness coach my whole world is fitness.

Speaker 2 8:26

At this point I'm in my late 20s and I run into matt and I'm at a wedding and he's's smoking a cigar out front with all the boys sort of wedding party type of thing and he's like dude, how you been, what's happening? And I was like Matt, what's up? And now I'm looking like he did. Right, I'm much bigger now, bigger than I am now for sure, and I'm just in shape. I'm healthy, I have high energy. I'm not drinking anymore.

Speaker 2 8:55

At this point I think I went three or two or three years not drinking and he's like dude, those shows you're doing, holy shit, man, like that's awesome. He's like I could never do that and I was like what the hell is happening here? You're the guy. And, by the way, he was still in great shape. So it was like, yeah, you could. I mean you could probably right now. Honestly, now again, are you going to, you know, win without training? No, but it's not like you. Let yourself go, sir, you're still the man.

Speaker 2 9:30

And so that was an interesting moment where the hero became the guide. And I had that moment of you don't believe in yourself as much as I do, which is wild, because you're the. You're the guy I remember. He had the most beautiful girlfriend, he had a cape house down the cape, he threw the best parties, he was the charismatic, he was the most good looking. All my friends that were girls were talking about how they could be with him and all that. He doesn't know that, of course, right, but I do, and he's just the man and still is.

Pain to positive change

Speaker 2 10:06

He's a big fan, always have been, but to the point of this episode, that was a moment where I avoided the feedback. It was a big mirror for me and I went in the corner and I thought about it and I turned that pain into positive change and I think that now I sort of understand that that's what being a role model is. Being a role model is being someone who makes other people uncomfortable, not because of them being unkind or toxic, but because of being so great. And so Matt was so great that I was uncomfortable around him and I hope he didn't internalize me, you know, not wanting to be around him, which I'm sure on some level, maybe he did Right, but I think that I now realize cause a lot of my clients are winning now and a lot of them are gorgeous and wonderful people and they're just.

Speaker 2 11:09

They're just getting socially ostracized in many circles. And I said honestly, can you inspire someone without envy? I was envious of Matt. I used to look at his Facebook and be like, oh my God, what would that be like? And so, can you inspire someone without any envy? No, no. And so you have to make that. Okay. Now to the point of this episode. We're going to break it down into a framework now, but I think that that's a good. A good. And he changed my life through his own example. I, I got in shape after that. I remember being like dude, you got to get it together. I had that conversation myself. He because none of my other friends were in great shape. You know, he was like a big fish from a different pond who came in and was like oh, my God.

Speaker 2 11:59

Like, none of us are like that, and so he inspired the hell out of me. And so you either take the mirror and the envy and you work on yourself to improve yourself, or you villainize, or and we're going to get into the different types. So my reaction, I guess, is less common than I thought. Um, that's what I've always tried to do and, uh, I was always, I always believed in myself, in success, but when it came to fitness and girls and and that kind of stuff, I mean, that was always much harder for me well it's.

Speaker 1 12:27

It's easy for people to say I don't care, I just don't care, I don't care about that, I don't care about this, I don't care, I don't care about that, I don't care about this, I don't care about that. It doesn't mean that it's not important to you, and I think that's ultimately. Somebody could say well, oh good for him, he's got this and he's got the beautiful girlfriend, he's got the cape house, he's in really good shape. I don't care, I don't care about any of that. All that is is ego protecting you potentially from admitting that I value all the things that this person has, and I'm not sure, not you, but the collective you. I'm not sure if I'm capable of getting those things. I think the belief.

Speaker 1 13:02

Going back to the previous episode, I feel like that's a huge piece of it, because if I ever villainized anybody in the past I don't. I don't think I ever really did it to them, it was more behind the scenes. I I don't think I've ever consciously tried to tear someone down, but it was usually in things I didn't believe I could accomplish. It was never fitness, ever. I got a very interesting perspective recently because I shared something. We were talking about someone, we were talking about an actor. We're talking about a movie. It's a movie called Anyone but you, I think, and it has two unbelievably good-looking people as the main characters Sidney Sweeney, who is a beautiful blonde young woman, and Glenn Powell, who is all over the place and everything now and just is a stud and is jacked in that movie like he's very, uh, hyper conscious.

Villainizing others and admiration

Speaker 2 13:57

I've seen an interview with him talking about self-worth he seems it, and he he's single and he people are like why are you single, why wouldn't you? And he said I don't know if I can handle this and I don't know if I want to bring anyone else into this right now, because it was very, it's very, I was like good for you. He seemed extremely safe, aware, safe, aware, wow, he seemed extremely self-aware, genuinely, yeah, which was cool to see. Honestly, I've met a lot of actors and I've met a lot of actors. I lived in la for a time and I've met many actors, whatever, and I used to study some acting too. But at the end of the day, he's very clearly pretty self-aware, uh, in comparison to some of the other actors that I've met and or studied, and he's a stud.

Speaker 1 14:40

I will say that one more time For sure. So we were talking about that movie and Taryn said I watched that movie without you. We didn't watch that together. And I said I assure you we watched the movie together, I'm certain of it. And she said why would you want to watch that movie? And I, you, we watched the movie together, I'm certain of it. And she said why would you want to watch that movie? And I said I can give you. I can give you two reasons. Uh, one sydney sweeney is beautiful and I am okay with watching a movie with her in it. And I said I have a man crush on the other guy. And when I said I had a man crush on the other guy, we were around some people and I could tell they didn't really understand what that meant. I, I could tell.

Speaker 1 15:13

And I've always been. Taryn told me. She said this to me this morning. She's like I had a dream I was dating the main character from Outlander, which is one of her favorite movies. Anybody listening might have seen it. I've never seen it. I haven't either it takes place in Scotland. We visited several places where they actually filmed that and the main character is jacked.

Speaker 2 15:38

He's a stud and I was like how?

Speaker 1 15:39

was that? How was that for you? And she's like we only ended up going on two dates. And then ace woke me up by accident and I said oh, thank you, ace.

Speaker 2 15:46

I appreciate you, buddy thanks for looking out for your dad, but I've always been very I don't know.

Speaker 1 15:52

I admire that. I admire a good looking human that very clearly works on themselves. I think good for you good for you for being the dude that they chose to play a warrior like. Good for you for looking that way. But I know not everybody would react that way. Some people would say, oh, that person's on steroids, whatever. They're probably an ass because they're in such good shape.

Speaker 2 16:23

Are they? I don't know. I don't think the Powell guy is.

Speaker 1 16:26

I don't know.

Speaker 2 16:28

I mean, I've watched some of his training videos. I don't think he is. He's also small dude. He's lean, but he's also small dude, he's.

Speaker 1 16:32

I don't know he's not jacked, yeah, yeah, but I mean like when you see him in board shorts on the beach, it's like good for.

Speaker 2 16:36

Oh yeah, you're in the top percentile. Yeah, he's got it going on of humans. I don't know, I assume he's also in the new top gun.

Speaker 1 16:43

Yes, the he's on the run that they're the twisters, the remember twist, killing it that's coming out this yep, he's the main character, to be honest yeah, taron wants to see it. I don't. I don't know if I ever saw the first one, the first one's awesome Dude it's awesome man it's about a tornado.

Speaker 2 16:59

You know what I mean. It's really well done.

Speaker 1 17:01

I know the cow flew around and stuff, but it's like this is about a tornado, quick side tangent.

Speaker 2 17:05

I gotta give you this.

Speaker 1 17:06

Yeah, real quick.

Speaker 2 17:06

Yeah, please, alright to la, from boston to la. I say boston to la, it's oxbridge to la, but no one knows about oxbridge. So boston to la, and I think we're in kansas or something. I don't know what state we're in, I really don't. I mean, let's be honest, I just followed the gps but I said, dude, you ever seen? So we're hearing on the radio. Uh, immediately find shelter. And we, we're seeing. You can tell this is something's going on here and this is not good. It got dark really quick. This is not good.

Speaker 2 17:44

Right here, and I turn to Ryan and I don't know if he was driving or I was, to be honest with you, I don't remember. But I turn to him and I say you ever see that movie, twister? And he's like man, what was good? I said, uh, we're in it, this is the movie, right, and he and I, we, we ended up parking under a bridge and we saw cars parking under bridges. I mean we're, we were out of sorts. I mean we're in our early 20s and we're traveling west, you know, with nothing but what's in our car? So, with big dreams, right, and I'm like dude, I don't know. Man, I'm not gonna lie, it looks a lot like a tornado is about to happen, like it looks a lot like the movie, like in real life. So I think we should. Seriously I know and they said something about anyone on Route 70 who's going west, you know you need to immediately seek, like we're not ahead of this thing, basically.

Speaker 1 18:40

So, anyways, side tangent, but Twister's a great movie and I'm excited to see the second one well, I'll see it if Taryn wants to, but I don't, I've never, I have no, no connection, no nostalgic connection did she see the first? One, I'm guessing.

Speaker 2 18:54

Yeah, if she loves it, dude, watch it with her.

Speaker 1 18:55

I'll watch it.

Speaker 2 18:56

Promise yeah, I'll watch it. I'm all in. Big fan Bill Paxton.

Speaker 1 18:59

RIP Bill Paxton. He was in. What else was he in? He was in a lot of stuff. Titanic, he was in Titanic. That was him. What were we saying before all that? We were talking about my man crushes and how. I think for me, yeah, I admire that. I admire someone who works really, really hard on themselves. But I've always my heroes growing up were the wrestlers who were jacked or the actors who were jacked. That's always been the thing for me. But I know other people they might villainize, they just don't care. There are some people that see someone that's in really good shape and it just they just don't care, it just doesn't I know, right, that's weird for me, but it makes sense.

Speaker 2 19:47

They just don't value that. Yeah, I think that would be the ultimate value, that same same.

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Speaker 1 19:52

I think that would be the ultimate takeaway, for this is the way maybe the ways that you positively care about things are usually connected to the things that you value, or the way you negatively care about things are also connected to the things that you value, that you don't know how to get yet or feel stuck in. Potentially, that would be my kind of takeaway, because you ran away from something that you admired but you didn't know how to get yet, and that inspired you, and then you made that change. What were the four? So? One of them is you admire it, admire, villainize, don't care, which I think we said was what? Apathetic.

Speaker 2 20:37

And then avoid and avoid. So ask yourself and identify this in yourself. Kev, early on, when we, several years ago I don't know if it's two years ago or three years ago now, but we started the Conscious Couples podcast, we're at 105, so whatever that is divided by 52, two years, which is interesting because we started doing events three years ago, so I think we did events before we had a podcast, which is not normal for us, but anyways. So when we first started the podcast, kevin said you two are gonna get bad reviews, so you're in trouble. You're in trouble, right, and I had. I didn't understand what you were saying or why, because in my head, it was Kevin said you two are gonna get bad reviews.

Speaker 2 21:15

So you're in trouble. You're in trouble, right, and I didn't understand what you were saying or why, because in my head it was at the time it was very well, we're gonna help people and it's gonna be a very positive thing, and we you were right. I mean, a lot of people were very negative in their feedback and a lot of people were very positive too, so appreciate it. But it was definitely more negative than we expected, for sure, because I think we were naive to this stuff. Why do you think? Why did you know that? Because we didn't think that at all.

We all have 4

Speaker 1 21:52

I think stuff that is polarizing is also offensive to certain people. Anybody who is struggling in their relationship is going to see you guys and say, oh, they think they have it all figured out, or you guys aren't even married, or you've only been dating for X amount of time. Why do you get to know it all? There's no possibility. A relationship is as good as you guys say it is. It's almost, it's almost. It seems inconceivable to a degree. I saw a video today of the Rock Kind of good connecting.

Speaker 1 22:33

The Rock did a really cute. It was a really cute post for Father's Day about how his little girls wanted to cook him Father's Day breakfast. So he made and by him I think it was his chefs, because he gave them a shout-out in the verbiage like thanks to my I don't remember what it was like amazing chefs for the help or something. But he kind of like pre-portioned out the ingredients and made it so they could make him breakfast. Super, super cute. And one of the comments was rock, you're so wealthy and you have so much plastic in your fridge. Like you could do a better job of not having so much plastic. Sure, that's probably true. That wasn't the point of the post. This was a super cute, supposed to be inspirational post, but this person was villainizing him. Yeah, because maybe he didn't care about the father or this person I don't know who it was. They didn't care about it.

Speaker 2 23:25

The environment they care about the environment. That's this person. I don't know who it was. Yeah, they care about the environment. They care about the environment. That's fair, and they think the Rock doesn't as much as they do.

Speaker 1 23:30

Yeah, and that's just a really good example of the message doesn't always matter. Sometimes people don't even see the message. They see the messenger and then they try to pick apart. The messenger of you couldn't possibly be this. I got negative reviews on Podcast Growth U. I was so surprised. I was so surprised. I don't know why. I was like do you not like me? Do you think I'm BSing? I have no idea why, but it's probably because somebody listened to it and said like oh, you're lying about this. You're lying about that. I don't know. Or they just didn't like me, and that's possible, so you're lying about that.

Speaker 2 24:07

I don't know, or they just didn't like me and that's possible, yeah, but I think that's too bad. It's too bad, but it is inevitable. 100, 100 percent.

Speaker 1 24:12

Taylor swift might be the most popular artist on the planet, but she also probably has the most haters. I bet a large amount of money there's a lot of people that hate taylor swift.

Speaker 2 24:22

There's a lot of people that love quarterback in the nfl is tom brady and he's also the most successful quarterback in the NFL, right? So, yeah, I do believe, and it makes sense, right, just from a numbers perspective, if you, if you reach a thousand people and 20% of them find something to villainize, yeah, I mean, let's just do this. Let's say we, kevin and I, reach a hundred thousand people, okay, let's, what percentages are going to be admiring of us? What percentage are going to be villainizing? What percentage are going to be? What are the?

Speaker 1 24:54

other ones? Uh, don't apathetic or avoid yeah or avoid.

Speaker 2 24:57

Okay, apathetic is probably a big percentage. I mean who cares about self-improvement, that's a large number a large percentage just don't care about anything. We have to say which is fair, okay, and then a percentage admire. And if you listen to the show, you're in the percentage that admires. We appreciate that, Thank you. And then what percentage villainize? I mean you've got to figure at least 10%, right.

Speaker 1 25:18

It's probably a relatively small percent, but it's a relatively loud percent.

Speaker 2 25:23

Yeah, that's fair. And then what was the fourth one? I'm so sorry, avoid, avoid, okay and then avoid. I mean that's a large percentage for sure. Yeah, I mean we've hosted live events and stuff and I do get it intellectually like, why would I, if I'm insecure around matt the matt from the story of the beginning why would I go out of my way to be around him if it makes me feel bad about myself? 100? Matt didn't make me feel bad about myself. He was very kind and I need to make that as clear as possible. He didn't do anything wrong. He just had the restaurant that his parents run. He had the cape house. He had the gorgeous blonde girlfriend. He was jacked and in shape and tall and good looking and charismatic and funny and he was also in school and doing well in school. He was just a well put together, holistically successful man and he was popular and all that right. So he didn't do anything wrong.

Speaker 2 26:22

But if I feel insecure around him and I don't believe in myself, you better believe I might avoid yeah whereas in the past that never made sense because, truth be told, I always went into the admire and aspire almost too much. It makes sense, kev, have you ever met anyone who has lost more heroes than me? No, I have had. My whole life I've had so many heroes. I look up to so many. I looked up to so many people, and I still do, but not nearly to the extent that I used to. When I was a kid, I looked up to so many people. I needed inspiration, I needed, I needed motivation, I needed.

Impact of personal heroes on self-improvement

Speaker 2 27:01

The rock was one of my heroes. I remember one of my first girlfriends we watched walking tall together and she's like, oh, he's so hot. And I remember being like, oh god, because back then I wasn't in shape, right, I was this ectomorphic skinny dude and I remember thinking like, of course, of course you think he's hot, of course this dude is bigger than a horse, right, and that's all it ever is. And what did I do? I bet you I reacted in a way that made me better in some capacity. I probably aimed higher, and this is what I say. My trauma response is is this is my trauma response anytime I've had pain in my life or failure. It's aim higher work harder, get smarter. Aim higher work harder, get smarter. Kevin and I have taken some massive l's together for sure and what do we do?

Speaker 2 27:49

aim higher, work harder, get smarter. I just don't know if there's a better trauma response. But if you don't believe in yourself, I do understand. Just know this.

Speaker 2 27:58

I have a client who is statistically one of the most beautiful humans I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 28:04

She feels very lonely because when she walks in a room, either the guys are trying not to check her out and the girls usually avoid her, and some of that is because she's maybe not as warm and loving and welcoming, maybe she's, she's socially awkward, like.

Speaker 2 28:21

I think that's fair, but more of it than anything is the guys don't want to be caught looking and the women don't want to be standing next to her, and that is just true. It's true and that. Just understand that this person and again, this is just one person, but this happens to all the mats and these types of people like this. This happens to anyone who is of significance, and I've been on both ends of that. I've been the most insignificant ever and then I've been the guy and I'm telling you it's not what you think and and it's fascinating, because you feel unlovable, you feel avoided, you feel hated, you feel unlikable, when in reality it has nothing to do with you, I'm the best version of myself that I've ever been in 35 years and I've never felt less likable than I do now.

Speaker 2 29:11

It's like what is that about right? And then my trauma response to that is go get better, go work harder, go get smarter.

Speaker 1 29:17

That's not exactly helping. It's because the people who are judging you the most are the ones who are changing the least. Unfortunately, the least, unfortunately. So there's nothing. There's, quite literally.

Speaker 2 29:27

I won't say there's nothing you can't do, but there's not a lot you can do.

Speaker 1 29:29

Yeah, you have to opt out of that game for sure, and you have to play for the ones that you play for the people that might admire, yep, and then they can help other people, and and that becomes the cycle.

Speaker 2 29:39

But and intellectually we get that, but emotionally it's hard to yeah, understandable, and I think you're gonna have a hell of a time in the next decade. I really do, I. I feel like you're gonna have a seriously hard time. I could be wrong, but you're getting more people expect more of you, yeah, and so, and then you're gonna let more people down, I mean, because you're just human, right, even though you're better than you've ever been. It's gonna be weird, and then I'm just hoping you handle all this better than I did, because I uh, yeah, like I said I'm I'm finding a therapist and I think that'll be very helpful very helpful because I'm realizing how many of my, how many things are coming from that core fear of disappointment very last piece.

The lashouts that feel unwarranted

Speaker 2 30:23

I think that you're gonna everyone's gonna have higher expectations of you. I think people are gonna admire you and therefore have higher expectations of you. You're gonna let way more people down because you're reaching more people and you're gonna be villainized way more. I have a feeling you'll be villainized way more than what you've ever been in the past sounds wonderful. All of that sounds incredible. It honestly is awful. It sounds it, um, it's the worst and it's the hardest part of this journey, in my opinion. That that will always be the hardest part, I think, is just the lash outs that feel so unwarranted when you're literally waking up every day trying to be the very best version of yourself and trying to help as many people as you can. That has been wild, but it's the way it works.

Speaker 1 31:06

You know, the thing that frustrates me the most is I. I won't say anything back when we talk. I was talking to you about that recently. It's like I don't know, I don't, I don't know. There's a piece of me that wants to say something back, but there's a piece of me that also thinks that's like super.

Speaker 2 31:22

I don't know what the word is as long as you hold on to your self-respect and you're not saying something out of a lack of courage. That's what I've found is I used to think I was taking the high road when in reality, some of that was just being a coward.

Speaker 1 31:38

That might be what it is. I don't know, I don't know. I'm working through that, trying to figure that out, because I feel like, if I'm going to be a positive person. I'm working through that, trying to figure that out, because I feel like if I'm going to be a positive person, the last thing I want to do is be negative to somebody else, even if they're negative to me. But you better believe, if I was out and somebody pushed Taryn, I would kick them in their throat.

Speaker 2 31:57

Well, here's the thing. Right, you value Taryn to a level 12 out of 10. Do you value yourself enough to defend yourself too? Because you would do that for me or for taryn, but would you do that for yourself? I think that's the metaphorical question, because same like, if people were to disrespect emilia, it would be, I'd be there in a heartbeat but when people disrespect me all the time am I just sitting down and taking it and fawning or avoiding out of so?

Speaker 2 32:26

there's a big difference between taking the high road and being a coward. But let's go in the parking lot is not the answer. Right, necessarily right.

Speaker 1 32:35

Because then you have a lot to lose now too. That's the other thing. You've got a lot to lose.

Navigating the internal challenges of external success

Speaker 2 32:39

You've got a reputation, you've got a brand, you've got success. So there's way more to lose. So, so, there's way more to lose. So people have leverage on you. Now, these people that are hating on you, kev, they don't have much to lose.

Speaker 2 32:48

Yeah, that's fair, and so that's been the hardest thing for me. Maybe we do an episode at some point about this. But the people who are lashing out at me, they have much less to lose than I do. Some random guy gets upset with me in the gym and wants to throw hands. I have way more to lose than this person in terms of reputation, brand, uh, self-worth, self-belief. I'm gonna get stuck in shame for beating up some high school kid like I. And on top of that, what if there's a weapon involved? Right, so there's just so much to lose.

Speaker 2 33:23

And so when you have so much, when you, when you're successful holistically, you have so much to lose, the stakes are higher. It's this weird thing. I mean one person. I do have empathy, like for some people that are rich and famous, it's. I know that they make it seem like it's so hard and I'm sure it's not as hard as you know the other end of the things, but but at the end of the day, everything they say needs to needs to be very buttoned up and very polite, like they can't have an imperfect moment without it being plastered all over the internet.

Speaker 2 33:50

So you and I are going to go through that, whether we like it or not, and I'm ready. I think, put it this way, I'm more ready than I've ever been and I do feel like lately it's been fascinating to study you in this new era, this new chapter.

Speaker 1 34:05

Well, that's the internal stuff. Like we did an episode recently, when you get external results, then you have internal stuff that comes up and then rinse and repeat that forever and I think that's the season I'm in. But I am open. I am open to experiencing that season and doing the work necessary to work on through it, as I have tried to do since the very beginning, and we'll see what happens.

Speaker 2 34:28

I wonder if your fear of failure will transform into fear of success.

Speaker 1 34:34

It's very possible.

Speaker 2 34:36

It's very possible.

Speaker 1 34:36

That'll be fascinating. It's very possible. We'll figure it out, just as we have for the last seven years.

Speaker 2 34:45

It'll be different and the same.

Speaker 1 34:47

Yeah, all right, we're going to go because I know we're running long on this episode. What are we saying here? Next of the nation private Facebook group for you to grow with other like-minded humans where nobody's going to make fun of you or crap on your dreams. And if you would leave us a review and or subscribe on whatever platform you are listening or watching on, that would help us help more people. So if you admire, even if you don't care, that would help other people who do care maybe a little bit more. Find a positive podcast called Next Level you.

Speaker 2 35:22

Kev. Yes, real quick. Yeah, I have a brand new blog that I just launched, okay okay, number 18.

Speaker 2 35:34

Okay, how to build a magnificent career you adore. Okay, how to build a magnificent career you adore. It's a a Venn diagram three circles. The first part is what fulfills you, the second part is what you're good at statistically speaking, and the third part is what makes good money. If you can find the epicenter of those three for you personally, you will have a magnificent career that you adore. That's actually profitable, and unfortunately, most of us start with what makes good money and then end up unfulfilled, versus starting with what fulfills you and what you're good at and then finding a way to make money, and so the link will be in the show notes. It's one of the best that I've ever written, and I worked extremely hard on it to make it as valuable as humanly possible, and so far it's got some good love, so I do believe it will help go check it out.

Speaker 1 36:27

Link will be in the show notes. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at nlu we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow keep aspiring and admiring next level nation.