Next Level University

#1744 - Would You Rather Be In The Woods With A Bear Or A Man?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Imagine you’re in the woods, confronted with a choice: face a bear or a man you’ve never met. This seemingly bizarre question has sparked a discussion on social media, particularly among women. In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore this preference and what it says about societal trust and safety around strangers.

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Show notes:
(4:46) A bear or a man?
(7:20) Safety concerns
(12:06) Gender differences in safety perception
(17:39) Perspectives on creating certainty and growth
(22:25) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
(23:26) Importance of accurate understanding and taking a stance
(29:29) Based on experiences
(33:30) Emotional maturity and empathy
(37:45

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🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,744, we are going to ask a question that is kind of popping around on social media, a question that can be scary to talk about, scary to answer and the conversation around this might be a little bit uncomfortable. I told Alan I was a little bit nervous about doing this episode. Nerves, would you rather excuse me, nerves, nerves, would you rather be in the woods with a bear or a man? Now, firstly, I want to. Well, we'll get into that.

Speaker 2

Wait a minute. It's a man that you don't know.

Speaker 1

Yeah, it's kind of like would you rather be in the woods with a strange man or a bear is how this was posed. So all this started and my wife brought this up for me when we were doing our check-in yesterday. I think it started on tiktok and it was a trend where somebody started by asking this question would you rather be in the woods with a bear or a man you don't know? And a lot of people I think the majority of people said the bear. They said I would rather be in the woods with a bear or a man you don't know, and a lot of people I think the majority of people said the bear. They said I would rather be in the woods with a bear. Was this asked?

Speaker 2

I don't know Was this question directed at women or all people?

Speaker 1

This question was directed at women, I believe it was. It was questioned by a woman and then I think the majority of people answering in the beginning were women Got it. So that is kind of where this came from. So Taryn and I did a check-in yesterday and one of the prompts for the check-in was share something with your partner that you're learning a lot about, that's uncovering other stuff or you're really interested in, or something along those lines, and this is what she shared with me. She said I came across this thingiktok. That's been really helping me, think I've been thinking about all sorts of different stuff based on this and I'd like to share it with you. And I said, sure, what do you got? And she said have you heard of this bear man woods thing? And I said I a little bit. But if you said, explain, I know what you're thinking, uh, I don't know bear man pig, man bear pig, man bear pig From South Park, so ridiculous.

Speaker 1

I don't know if I could eloquently explain Real quick. This is what I said to Taryn.

Speaker 2

I'm sorry, real quick I wrote a little love note on the whiteboard this morning for Emilia yeah, and it was very cute, it was nice and I signed it. I always do. I say love always and I don't always sign it like this, but I love always.

Speaker 1

Comma alan slash man, bear pig I have never heard of that other than for you.

Speaker 2

If you, I have never heard of that back in college south park, had a episode that was just ridiculous half man, half bear, half pig, which mathematically makes the math doesn't add up.

Speaker 1

It's ridiculous and I want to make it very clear I'm not a South Park fan.

Speaker 2

I just thought that was really funny for some reason Fall down seven times, get a bait. Yeah, exactly, the math doesn't quite check out there either.

Speaker 1

So so Taryn said to me do you know what this is about? Like, have you, have you heard of this? And I said, very much on the outskirts. I was in Toronto all last week, so I wasn't really on social media consuming, I was definitely creating more content. And I said but please tell me, I want to, I want to know. And she explained it to me and we had a nice little conversation about it and I said it's, it's very interesting.

Speaker 1

I could definitely see that, like, I can imagine that people, especially women, would feel that way. And I said it's interesting, I would probably rather be in the woods with a, a woman, than a man. And she said do you think that's because you think you would have power over them? And I said no, I think I'm just more comfortable. I said for the majority of this podcast, our audience has been women. Out of the many, many people I've coached, the majority have been women. Me going on other podcasts, at least 60% have been women. So I just feel comfortable that way.

Speaker 1

But it's a really interesting place to go, because my initial reaction was I, it's not all men. That was like. My initial reaction is well, it's not all men. Not all men would necessarily be untrustworthy in a situation like that. And that's really, I guess, my ultimate goal with this episode.

Speaker 1

You and I talked about what's our intention, what do we, what do we want to get across, what do we want to communicate, what do we want to talk about here? And I think it's that your initial reaction is always an opportunity to go a little bit deeper. That's number one. Number two when I said it's not all men, I didn't mean it in a toxic way of like, well, are you talking me? Do you mean that you wouldn't Right?

A bear or a man?

Speaker 1

This is my wife. This is somebody I love deeply. We have nothing but trust for one another, but I can imagine how somebody who I don't know, somebody who might have been negative in the past, might react to that and say, well, it's not all men, maybe that would have been me at one point, but it's not anymore, so I don't know. I just thought it would be a an interesting place to take an episode, because there's a lot of stuff under this. And, yeah, I'm curious. I'm just curious to see where an episode would go, based on the fact that I think there's value in a discussion like this, as much discomfort as there is around it.

Speaker 2

So many things actually came up, which is interesting considering you and I is interesting all the time. I noticed that in one of your audios to me Kev gave me audio updates.

Speaker 1

I love the word. It is a great word. Interesting for me is a word that is almost me saying I'm thinking about what you just said, but I don't know what I think about what you just said yet. That's kind of it.

Speaker 2

it's like to me interesting is loading yeah, it's not one or the other, it's not yeah, yeah, you don't know where it lands yet.

Speaker 2

Yeah, so I didn't know where I was going to go when you brought up this topic and I just trusted that it would come to me. And I had so many things come to me, including man, bear, pig. So two things so far more than that, but two that I think are really important. One is when Emilia and I first met. Our second date was at Purgatory Chasm, which is a I forget which movie it was in. There was a Matthew McConaughey movie where they filmed it at Purgatory Chasm. I don't remember the movie so that's going to be useless information right there. But Purgatory Chasm is this really nice walk hike in the town that Kevin and I grew up in. And our second date, emilia and I, was at Purgatory Chasm and I got us a nice little parking spot and you had to pay for parking. So I did. I sent a little cute photo, showed her where I parked, and this is our second date. So she doesn't know me that well yet, Although our first date was by far the best date either of us have ever had Best first date we've ever had and I remember when I told her that I was so scared she wouldn't agree.

Safety concerns

Speaker 2

We were driving home from our first date, we had sushi, we went axe throwing and we got coffee and I remember I was like, all right, here's the moment, this is the best first date I've ever had. She suggested we listen to our podcast. I was like, really, you want to? She's like, yeah, of course. I was like, oh, my God, this is going to be a lot of good things about that. Kevin kid, yeah, yeah, I've heard. I've heard great things about kev, so let's listen to kev while we have our first date.

Speaker 2

So, best first date we ever had go on the second date and it's at purgatory chasm and we there's a purgatory I'm gonna incriminate myself here uh, purgatory had this sign that said no trespassing past this certain time because potential flooding and or whatever it was. It was a thundery night and it was late. You're not supposed to go there late. Annie, millie and I saw the sign and then just kind of looked at each other and then looked at the sign and we said, yeah, no, we're gonna go. So we're just gonna go and whatever happens happens, and we we are both rebels in that way, so to speak, and so we both looked at each other and we went and we did it. We ended up getting not lost per se, but it was dark and it was started raining and these are sharp rocks. It's a chasm it's dangerous.

Speaker 1

It's dangerous for sure. People have died there.

Speaker 2

Yeah, 100 and we had this wonderful just hike and then the way back was a little. She was a little scared and I was leading the way and making sure she was okay and all that kind of stuff. It was very sweet. It was very sweet. So what's the point of all that? Fast forward, two, three, four dates later I found out that she carried a knife on her because, obviously, being alone in the woods with a man she doesn't know well, she wanted to be prepared for the worst.

Speaker 2

And I had that moment back then and I'm 29, almost 30 at this point and I remember thinking, should I be offended by that? And then I I was a little bit it's like you went on the first date with me I'm very sweet, I'm a wonderful man like why didn't you have enough trust, right? But then I then I took myself out of myself for a second which you need to do with emotional intelligence and I realized, no, that's actually really smart. It's like really smart. And I just I'm saying like so much, that's really smart. And so I got over that real quick. But there was a tiny moment well, I'm a little offended by that. I'm, I'm super trustworthy, I would never hurt you. But she's only known me for a day. You're gonna need to get over it, sir.

Speaker 2

So what's my point of all? That I have come to understand through emilia's eyes, through emilia's experience, through emilia's vulnerability, how different the experience of a man and a woman is. For I've been learning a ton, and then also kevin and I, to his point, a large percentage of our listeners, large percentage of our team. Amy Lennius is sort of a our Kevin myself and her do these experience reviews after every group coaching and after monthly meetups and stuff where we talk about things that landed, things that didn't land, references that work and don't work, and she's been giving us a feminine perspective, a lot in terms of things that. That's why I talk about Tom Brady less than I I used to and things like that. So, although I still do every now and then with a michael jordan or nothing like a good michael jordan reference, right, michael phelps michael phelps, michael jordan, tom brady.

Speaker 2

The point is is those are the best in the game at what they do, so I think it's a good metaphor, but no one cares. So I've been learning so much about the female perspective, and one of the things that I've found very clear through Emilia's experience is how much safer she feels with me. So in the gym by herself where she parks, I always like to park away from people, so I'll go in the back, or there's just. It's been very clear to me how unafraid I've been, and I've actually been jumped too. I got jumped in my mid twenties, late late twenties, by a schizophrenic.

Speaker 2

That was a terrible experience, and after that I started lifting weights a lot more. So there's always a sort of a trauma response, and I do think too and Emilia wouldn't mind me sharing this so she's dealt with negative altercations with toxic men in the past, and that's one of the reasons why she trained muay thai, and she could definitely, uh, kick my ass if she wanted to, and I don't know if I can authentically say that, because I am significant I'm twice her size 100 she could 100.

Speaker 2

Okay, fair, all right, she's gonna train me muay thai with love.

Speaker 1

Yeah, of course, of course, you know, yeah, yes, but I'm not a fighter, so I don't know.

Gender differences in safety perception

Speaker 2

All I know is strength wise, it's. It's definitely a delta, yeah, so for the women out there listening, for the men out there listening, for anyone has who has ever contemplated this, would say, and this is where I went with the conversation with Kevin. This is the second thing, because I said two things Certainty. I think that women handle a larger sense of uncertainty about a lot of things that we don't really concern ourselves with Statistically speaking. Statistically speaking, I don't want to do the whole man versus woman thing. I don't want to. I'm not going to do the whole man versus woman thing. I don't want to. I'm not going to do that. Neither is Kev. There's certain things on this podcast that we just don't want to be a part of Politics, religion, there's a lot of things we just don't want to be a part of, and please don't villainize us for that, but we're just not going to go there Now. This is our show, that's our choice. That said, it's become very evident to me that there are certain things that Emilia concerns herself with that I've never been concerned with, and it's been a luxury to not really have to concern myself with as much. Now, some of that is just pure ignorance, because some of it I probably should have been concerned about the other piece of this.

Speaker 2

Statistically too and I don't know the stats, but I know that there's a much larger percentage of men that are guilty, convicted of violent crimes globally than women, and I I think there's a lot of different reasons for that. I think one of them is being significance driven. I think one of them is culture, and men being quote unquote strong is seen as a good thing, and aggressive men tend to I don't know get more girls in high school weird stuff like that again. But I think there's also a correlation of testosterone. Last piece of this, kevin, I want you to go.

Speaker 2

There's this funny scientific joke that I heard once that I think is indicative in some ways of how ridiculous men can be, and this is not again an anti-man podcast or an anti-man sentiment. Right now I'm not going to go down that rabbit hole. I think men and women have statistical differences and statistical similarities, and I think that it's important to be aware of both. And statistical similarities, and I think that it's important to be aware of both. That's the end of that. I I don't know if I read or where I heard this from, but they, there's these lizards. This is not where you expected me to go.

Speaker 2

there's these lizards that, in order to attract a female, the male lizards do push-ups oh yeah, I've heard and apparently there was a researcher who was curious and injected the lizards with testosterone and the lizards the male lizards who were injected with testosterone, did push-ups till they died.

Speaker 2

And wow, that's a really actually quite funny, because I think there we can all think of the guy in high school who's the male equivalent, the, the human equivalent of this, this lizard who did push-ups till he died, you know loud car, whatever again you name it, I do think there's a correlation between high testosterone levels and aggressive nature and I don't think that men and I'll speak for myself on this as I've become more athletic and more masculine, although I do think overall, physically I've been more of a feminine man. I don't have, I didn't hit puberty early, I am not naturally muscle bound, I have this blonde, goldilocks hair and blue eyes. I'm not a big, huge, hairy, masculine man type of thing. So as someone who's only come up in that in their later years, it's very clear to me that you have to really be very emotionally intelligent to to direct that aggression in a positive, constructive direction.

Speaker 1

It's a very challenging thing to talk about because, like you said, the last thing I want to do I don't want it to be man versus woman. I don't want it to be I'm taking any sides. I don't want it to be that. I think it's more like it's really hard to understand why somebody feels the way they feel if you don't understand the experiences that they've had in the past and I've never been, I've never been taken advantage of by a man.

Speaker 1

If you put me in the woods with a man, I I told alan so when I said that to taryn, when I said I would rather be in the woods with a woman, I don't know, than a man, she said, well, do you think that's because you have more power, potentially, over a woman? And I said I don't think so. I mean we could dig and, dig and dig and maybe we get to a place where that where I say, yeah, maybe that's what it is. But I said I feel like if you put me in the woods with a man, I would no matter what, I would try to find my way out, like if you locked me in a room with someone and it was a man. I don't think that would be my initial thought. It's like this person's really going to hurt me.

Speaker 2

AKA. Even in the woods with a man, you still feel in control, essentially, yeah. Yeah, now again that could be, maybe not, as in control right.

Speaker 1

I would say, not as in control, for sure, but I've also trained martial arts for a lot longer than anybody I know. I mean, that's obviously you know, get into a dark conversation that way.

Speaker 2

One of the benefits of martial arts I've talked about this in the past is that you can create certainty.

Speaker 1

You don't have to worry as much. You create more certainty.

Speaker 2

Yeah, you don't have to worry as much. Obviously, you're never fully certain because there's weapons and all kinds of stuff.

Perspectives on creating certainty and growth

Speaker 1

Yeah, it levels the playing field. It can potentially level the playing field Exactly, and so, again, that's another reason, ultimately, why I want to do Muay Thai 100%. This is one of the thoughts I had. So this was my fear. I'll be very honest and vulnerable. My fear was a man would listen to this episode and then be like, wow, you guys are taking a side, which I'm not trying to do. I'm literally trying. This podcast is about learning and growing and evolving, and when Taryn asked me these questions, it facilitated growth in me, and I want to share that growth.

Speaker 1

If I was the type of man who thought to myself well, that's stupid. Like, why would you ever be afraid to be in the woods with a man that you don't know? Hypothetically, let's just say, you're on that side, I'm not making that wrong, I'm not shaming you for that. I on that side, I'm not making that wrong, I'm not shaming you for that. I would ask you this question If you had a daughter who was 18 years old, would you be comfortable with her being in the woods with someone, a man, that she didn't know? The only reason I bring that up is just a little bit of devil's advocate for it's very easy to jump to a thought and say, well, no, I mean, if it was a man like alan, that person would be fine. Well, if it was some other men I know that person would not be fine, potentially. So I just I want to create a discussion of depth, not necessarily specifics or opinions, and that's immediately where my mind goes. Well, how can we, how can we create perspective around something that I think one of the reasons, alan, something like this goes viral is because it's polarizing, because you have many people saying I 100 would be more comfortable in situation a, and I think you also have many people saying I don't have any understanding how you could possibly think that You'd rather be in the woods with a wild animal than a human being, and I think those are very polarizing. So my question for anybody listening is when you hear that question, what is your initial thought? Why is your initial thought, your initial thought thought, and is there anything that could be done to form a new thought on that? I? I ask that question very gently because obviously, if you've experienced domestic violence or something in the past, you have a a logical reason for thinking the way you think. So I'm not asking anybody to change their opinion on it, but just that's kind of where I want to go with this is what is your initial thought? Why do you think that? What is that based on?

Speaker 1

For me, it's like I know a lot of good men. I feel like, if I was going to go in that direction, I know a lot. I surround myself with really good men, have I always? No, no, in retrospect, I definitely spent time around people that were bad humans. Didn't know it at the time, I had no idea, I was blind to it. And then I learned in time that these people were bad humans. And then I cut ties with these people and never talked to them again. Well, if I spent time around people like that, still I might understand at a deeper level why you wouldn't want to be in the woods with someone like that. And then, is there anything that could be done to create some level of perspective change? That's really where I would go. It's hard to talk about it as a man because it's not really. It's not about us in a way. It's like very about us as men, but it's also not about us at all because we weren't asked the question. So that makes it a really challenging thing. So, yeah, that's.

Speaker 2

Those are my thoughts the couple things came up and I know we we gotta jump. The first one is taryn chose a bear which was fascinating for you, and I'm not making her wrong for that at all at all. I think the lesson in that is it takes courage to take a side on anything for sure, because there's always going to be some people who disagree with you, and that's okay.

Speaker 2

That's okay. I mean, if everyone agreed with everyone, this board would be very boring or very exciting if we're agreeing on partying hard all the time.

Speaker 1

Well, I.

Speaker 2

I told kev this earlier. I told this to em Amelia yesterday. I said I can't talk. I said I care about what's accurate most and what's optimal, but what's accurate and optimal, I would say what's accurate never changes, because that, I think, is factual truth, and I think science is really just the pursuit of accurate understanding. Science is really just the pursuit of accurate understanding.

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Speaker 2

What we thought about the brain 50 years ago was you can't regenerate brain cells, and neuroplasticity has literally proven that functionally, chemically and structurally you can change your brain. And so why is it detrimental to be ignorant? Well, you're not going to try to improve your brain if you don't believe you can, and if that's false, then we're all under a false assumption. That's like trying to drive your gps to a destination that has wrong terrain and you drive into a lake. So we've talked about that before. You're never going to better yourself when you don't believe you can, and if that belief is built on inaccurate data, you're in serious trouble and your future can't be as big and bright as possible, and then that ripples outward, and so the whole world is worse.

Speaker 2

Every time someone's ignorant. Ironically, though, we're all ignorant all the time. Just to what extent? So I'm less ignorant than I used to be, but and I'm going to be less ignorant next year, but I'm always going to be ignorant to some extent. No one can know everything. So I think there's the pursuit of truth and knowledge and understanding and awareness and beliefs and all that stuff. That's what this podcast is built on. But the second thing is I've forgotten it.

Speaker 1

It will come.

Importance of accurate understanding and taking a stance

Speaker 2

It will come. You were talking before. Oh, taking a stance takes courage, because what is a debate? You and I, I think debating. Remember how, in high school, there was a debate team. I don't think our high school had one. If they did, I would have loved it.

Speaker 2

I like debating because it makes us smarter. A debate is built on this understanding that, okay, I believe, I believe what I believe and you believe what you believe. And now, if we do this in a healthy, positive, constructive way, then we're both going to walk away smarter, and when we both walk away smarter, we have a deeper understanding of the truth about ourselves, other people in the world, and then we can make better decisions, and when we make better decisions, the world becomes a better place. I often joke about how the iPhone was was always possible. We just didn't know how to build one yet because we didn't have the internet, we didn't have apps and we didn't have the app store and we didn't have, we didn't know how to do it yet. And so knowledge, the accumulated wisdom over time, is is created through these healthy debates, and so I love it. I love to take a stand. I think it's important, I think it can be scary, though for sure, uh, the.

Speaker 2

The last piece of this is what do you believe, what is your experience? And then can you sit in the discomfort of seeing someone else's experience and hearing their experience and then potentially change your mind in a more optimal direction. So, kevin and I, the benefit we got a review. Thank you whoever wrote this, but it was kind of. We have these similar core values, similar core aspirations, similar desires to be the best men we can be, want to be the male role models we never had. We have all that in common, but we're very different. We have very different strengths and weaknesses, we have very different perspectives, we have very different experiences and we have very different perspectives on the same experience as well. And so half the things we've learned over the last seven years, having started this show, is getting closer and closer and closer to what we call five, which is the truth. This, the truth is this pursuit of something that you continue to pursue but you never actually get there. But you're closer than when you were seven.

Speaker 2

Think about a seven-year-old. They don't really know anything. They don't know how the world works. They don't know how the economy works. They don't know how psychology works. They don't know how their neuroscience works. They don't know how. They don't know how the economy works. They don't know how psychology works. They don't know how neuroscience works. They don't know how. They don't know whether men are bad yet or good, or women good, bad. They don't know anything yet.

Speaker 2

So, and I'm not saying men are bad, not all men are bad the point is, is some some bad? Some men are toxic, some women are toxic, some men are magnificent, some women are magnificent, and all of that is nuanced, based on your own unique experience and your own unique understanding. And I think the world changes when all of us can take a stand while also simultaneously being willing to improve and change and evolve, because you take a stand enough to have the debate, but not enough to where you're the end-all, be-all. I mean who, who's arrogant enough to think that they actually have the only truth there are people out there that do for sure well, they're very ignorant then, because there's very little that you can like.

Speaker 2

9.8 meters per second squared is my favorite example. Gravity is gravity and that you can't really debate. I'm not going to debate with you on gravity. You're wrong, I'm right. 9.8 meters per second squared, and I can test it and show you. And if you jump off a bridge thinking that you can change that, you're going to be the one who's very unhappy with your belief. But at the end of the day, most stuff is more nuanced, particularly when it comes to society and culture and humanity, and that's why we have the humanities in in school, and so I love it. I think it's great.

Speaker 1

I think we should be talking about things like this I agree and I'm grateful that we have the courage to do it I agree, I, if somebody, if I was on a podcast this is the interesting thing, too, about hosting a podcast versus being on a podcast, and you can attest to this to a great degree because you technically host this, we both host it If somebody brought this up and said what's your stance on this? Like, this is the question, this is the hypothetical, this is the situation. Let me lay it out for you. These are the specifics, these are the details. What is your stance?

Speaker 1

My stance would be it's not up to me to judge somebody else's decision without understanding their experience. And even if I do understand their experience, it's still not my job to judge their decision, because I get to make my own decision without anybody judging it. Why shouldn't somebody else? That would ultimately be my, but that's not a stance, because it's like I want somebody to be able to make their own decision without being shamed for it, because the truth is based on the experiences that some people have had. They probably should choose the bear. Based on other experiences that other people have had, they probably would choose the man Because that's their experience. It would make sense logically if you're going in a certain direction and you have X amount of trauma towards something that you choose, the thing that you've never had trauma with before. But I understand that. I don't know, maybe that's a deeper thought process, I wonder. I'm sure I probably would have got offended like 10 years ago.

Speaker 2

Really, I probably would have got offended, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1

Yeah, because I consider myself a good man. So what does that mean? Does that mean I'm bad? No, not necessarily.

Speaker 2

Yeah, and that perpetuates the problem too, because 100%.

Speaker 1

But it also doesn't mean I'm good If men feel like they're being villainized.

Speaker 2

Then there's this whole. Well, if I'm gonna be villainized, I might as well not try to be a better man too.

Based on experiences

Speaker 1

So, and the whole shame thing, and well, I think that's the thing is like. If, if, if it comes up and then it doesn't directly align with my beliefs, I'm gonna and I'm not mature enough to say like I don't get it, but I want you to have your own opinion, then if I try to make your opinion wrong, then this whole thing doesn't work very mature response.

Speaker 2

The only difference between you and I and that if there is one, is I would look at the statistics what? What is the percent probability you get attacked by a man versus a bear?

Speaker 1

And, honestly, the people who chose the bear might actually be on the higher end statistically. I think the I mean there are some stats. It's hard right Because and, by the way, what kind of bear, polar grizzly black bear.

Speaker 2

Again we can go down the rabbit hole because obviously polar bears, apparently you got to steer clear.

Speaker 1

I don't know Again, don't I don't study bears. But polar bears will eat you okay. Grizzly bears will eat you okay. Black bears will also eat you. But if you fight back against the black bear, evidently they're like interesting grizzly bear you play dead because you're not gonna beat a grizzly bear no, no. In a physical altercation.

Speaker 2

Well, obviously you never fought me, son.

Speaker 1

I wouldn't be. You know what I mean. I'm kidding, no, but this is the stat, real quick. Black bears, which are the most commonly found bear in the US, kill less than one person per year, according to somebody who is the founder of the north american bear center. Meanwhile, men between the ages of 18 and 24 are 167 times more likely to kill someone than a black bear.

Speaker 2

yeah, okay, so that that's the only difference between what you and I did is I would actually look at the statistics and do research and then try to make the most optimal decision. But but I also hold the duality where I actually agree with you a thousand percent on this, and I do this in coaching all the time. If you want this x result, then I'm telling you the highest probability, based on my current awareness, is to do y, z and w. But I honor you and your freedom to choose. So if you you don't like, I can't even tell you my clients that are listening. I said this in my honest opinion if you don't do X, y, z, you'll never achieve your goal. That's my truth. That's what I believe to be accurate. But even if you don't choose to leave that person, I honor you and your freedom to choose. I'm not going to dictate your life.

Speaker 2

All I'm going to tell you is what I believe to be accurate, knowing that I'm never fully accurate. I'm just closer than maybe some of the other advice that you've gotten. So it's a very mature way to be. And I wonder too, because I used to be really immature and sometimes it's hard to remember how immature I was until I look at some of the posts and pictures and stuff. So would I have ever gotten offended by that? I would say, maybe a little little like, similar to the emilia in the woods thing I personalize. It's called personalization in psychology. I personalized it a little of well. You don't need a knife with me, but then it's well, of course you yeah, she doesn't know you're you yeah exactly.

Speaker 2

She doesn't know me yet. I mean she's well, intuitively, you know. So I'm your person, right? So? But that's, emotional maturity needs to be the answer. That's all it comes down to, seriously, because yeah, and empathy. Yeah.

Speaker 1

I think empathy's important because I may never have an experience. I'm not gonna have. My life experience, to your point in the beginning, is gonna be very different than most women.

Speaker 2

You and I went to a what I consider a dive in Pittsburgh once and you, you and I. You're like dude, come on, you've gotten soft and I agree, I understand hey.

Emotional maturity and empathy

Speaker 2

I know. I know because you used to travel. Remember, it's the, the, of course, okay. And I said, well, hey, if you, yeah, we would never. I said, okay, there you go. So it's all dependent on because you and I are full-grown strong men and so we're much less likely to be attacked, statistically speaking. So if we brought emilia and taryn, we would have stayed in a nicer place, and so I think it's just important to understand all this. But here's the thing how do you understand all that? It's just I get it. I get why people are so ignorant nowadays. I, when you're young, you don't really know much, you just don't know much of anything. Like I was on the higher end of understanding when I was younger.

Speaker 1

I was still so ignorant, you know but even when you're older, you don't know if you don't do, if you don't have these types of conversations.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

What is the quote? Wisdom in age. What is it? People think that wisdom comes with age. Sometimes age comes by itself.

Speaker 2

Yeah, john Maxwell. He said people think wisdom comes with age. Sometimes age comes alone.

Speaker 1

And that's so unfortunate and true. Yeah, yeah, that's why I wanted to have this conversation, because I think it's just digging. Why did you feel the way you felt when you heard that? I don't know, I feel like I personalized it.

Speaker 1

I've always worked so hard to be a good man and I feel like it's giving men a bad name. Okay, cool, that's a great start. Then what? Can you see how someone might feel that, though, even though you identify as a really really good man and you've worked really diligently for your entire life well, yeah, no, I know some, some people who have been mistreated.

Speaker 1

Okay, cool, not cool, obviously, but like, can we dig into that? And then, ultimately, you get to a point in the conversation where you're like I don't know, I'm kind of uncomfortable, I don't know if I want to talk about this anymore, and then that's kind of where the growth is. And then you sit in that and you and again, hopefully, you're having a conversation with someone that you can do it with. Alan and I have had many deep conversations and I'm grateful you were willing to go and dive into this one, but I think that's the ultimate goal is not to take anything at face value and just figure out what are the biases that are playing in, what's the ego, what's the hurt, what's the protector, all of that stuff, because I think there's a lot of room for growth in this. Imagine if because we're only hearing about, like whatever the tiktok virality is, I don't know but imagine if everybody became a little bit more self-aware because of that.

Speaker 2

That would be incredible last piece for me, yeah, please. I. I thought about this through the whole episode but I didn't know whether or not I wanted to bring it up, not out of fear but out of relevance. Vibe emilia has really helped me understand, vibe. There there's four modalities of thinking. There's numbers and rationality, and and systems and structures, and really just math mathematics modality of thinking. It's numbers and rationality, and and systems and structures, and really just math mathematics modality of thinking. It's the rarest, I think, but I would think that. Then there's energy, which is vibe. Then there's words and concepts, which I think is yours, kev, having conversations in your heads all the head, all the time. Like you rap, you love words and concepts. I do, and emotionally driven people tend you love words and

Speaker 2

concepts I do, and emotionally driven people tend to be words and concepts first, and then next is pictures and images. So those are the four different modalities of thinking. Some people argue with me whatever, that's my truth, that's what I believe to be true, what I believe to be accurate. Now, emilia's is energy first. Mine never was, and so I found myself around a lot of really low vibe people without realizing it. But yet the economy always made sense to me because I saw numbers everywhere, and so vibe is a really good tell. It really is. And so I'll give this to every listener, whether you're a male, female or not.

Speaker 2

What I would give you is look at vibe. When you walk into the gym, you can feel a certain vibe on somebody. You can tell what their vibe is. Low vibe equals more likely to be dangerous, and that is just statistically true. High vibe is virtue. When someone's a virtuous man, you can tell, you can feel it. And women particularly that.

Start seeing vibe everywhere

Speaker 2

I've met team clients, emilia. They've had to create their spidey senses around vibe more than I did. Emilia is like, see, like that's a vibe, oh, got it. So men are much less intuitive about this because we probably haven't had to be as much so I wasn't walking around in a parking lot checking the vibe as much as she was as a young, ridiculously attractive woman in a dark parking lot, right. So that's what I would give everyone as an as a takeaway.

Speaker 2

Start seeing vibe everywhere. You can tell a lot of the A lot of the women that I coach. They're like you're so safe, it's such a safe space. I'm like that's a great compliment. I really appreciate that. Now, does that mean that I'm weak? Does that mean I'm a pushover, or does that mean I'm virtuous, and so that's something a whole other episode most likely, but vibe for me. And so that's something a whole other episode most likely, but vibe for me. Vibration, vibe, energy you can kind of sense dangerous energy, I think, and as I've started to really look through, that lens, I've really started to understand this.

Speaker 1

I would say that you and Emilia are probably on the higher end of that of vibe understanding vibe but I think it's a good place to experiment for sure. But maybe easier said than done for you whether you're watching or listening, if it's something you're not tuned into, I don't know.

Speaker 2

I've been practicing that for a year at least, consciously.

Speaker 1

I feel like I've always been pretty decent with energy, yeah, but I've missed for sure. I have a couple misses for sure when I was much younger. All right, thank you all for providing the space for us to have a deep conversation like this. Again, I think it's important. As much as it's not the funnest episode to do or the funniest or sexiest episode to do, I think it's a necessary episode and when we get the pull to do it, alan and I say, well, does it scare us? Yes, all right. Well, that's probably a sign that we should do it.

Speaker 1

Shout out to anybody who has left a review and all of our new subscribers on whatever platform you are watching this on or listening, please continue to do so so you never miss an episode of NLU. Thank you very much. We appreciate it. Again, it's going to help more amazing people like you find the show. The community will grow and hopefully the community growing will help you grow, it'll help us grow and everybody grows together. That's kind of the jam at NLU. Anything you want to add before we go? Good sir.

Speaker 2

I have a blog that I published recently about how to build a magnificent career. You adore how to build a magnificent career. You adore A lot of people. A lot of people that I've met, are not fulfilled in their careers. So you're either really successful and unfulfilled been there, or you're really fulfilled, but maybe not as successful as you want to be. This blog will break down for you why that might be and really help you create a career that's in your strength zone, and so I'll click, I'll click, I will put, click it. The team will put the link in the show notes.

Speaker 1

Click it or ticket son.

Speaker 2

Yes, sir.

Speaker 1

Yes, sir, as always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. And at NLU, we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Keep reading the vibe, next time on Nation.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host