#1754 - The People Who Feel Threatened By Your Growth Threaten Your Growth - Freestyle Friday

When did you last feel those puppet strings tugging at your emotions? Join hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros as they share practical tips to help you confidently handle manipulative behavior. Discover how to spot manipulation and respond in ways that protect your mental health and self-respect. Learn strategies to maintain your integrity, even when facing tough choices, and the importance of authenticity. Don’t let the fear of missing out push you to compromise your values. Embrace new opportunities with confidence and stay true to yourself.

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Show notes:
(2:03) Recognizing threats to personal growth
(5:12) The impact of misaligned relationships
(7:40) Manipulation and self-respect
(12:00) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
(13:03) The significance of integrity and self-respect
(15:50) Doing things within alignment
(17:32) Next level of self-worth
(19:20) How to succeed?
(21:45) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation . Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University , where we help you level up your life , your love , your health and your wealth . Today for episode number 1,754 , it's Freestyle Friday .

Speaker 2 0:16

Can you hear that ? And ?

Speaker 1 0:16

this was my thought . Yeah , it's music of some sort . There's an ice cream truck Ooh right out there . That comes to my neighborhood in the summer .

Speaker 2 0:24

Get a Choco Taco , son have some , some children's in the neighborhood .

Speaker 1 0:29

Yeah , and the ice cream truck knows that I also get a get a get a choco taco .

Speaker 2 0:35

I'm gonna . I'm gonna have to take off , do you ? I'll run this solo I'm kidding , as long as you bring me one bring me one back and send it to me virtually .

Speaker 1 0:43

I was talking to an nlu community member today . As I often do , I check in with people hey , what's going on , how you doing ? I sent them a , I sent them a message I hope all is well . And they said all is well in the professional realm . Job is awesome , all that is awesome , but I had to leave the person that I was dating for the last . I think they said 15 months , which is a long time , yeah , and then they kind of went into the fact that this person was threatened by their growth and I sent them a video back , as I also like to do .

Speaker 1 1:20

And I was just saying I'm super proud of you and that's the fact that you recognize that , had the courage to think about the fact that maybe you shouldn't be with that person and then actually go through the challenging piece of doing it , realizing that you're going to lose the company that came with even the misalignment . There's still company that comes with misalignment . It's just not ideal company . The fact that you went through all of that is super , super powerful . And I said something . I think that's very simple but also encapsulates what we're talking about . The people who feel threatened by your growth are the people who threaten your growth , not even necessarily

Recognizing threats to personal growth

Speaker 1 2:03

intentionally or externally , but if you have this small inkling that if you grow , you're going to get lash back or the person's going to look at you differently . Oh yeah , that ice cream truck is hammering Nice .

Speaker 2 2:18

They are right outside .

Speaker 1 2:20

If you open the window up , Choco Taco , throw it on a couple quarters . I don't know . I'm sure ice cream isn't $1.50 like it used to be . Choco Taco is probably about $3 now .

Speaker 2 2:29

You had an ice cream truck at your wedding .

Speaker 1 2:32

Yes .

Speaker 2 2:34

That was clutch .

Speaker 1 2:35

Yeah , big fan , big fan . I love ice cream . I had a Halo Top last night .

Speaker 2 2:39

Oh yeah , what kind .

Speaker 1 2:41

Peanut butter Nice . And no , we're not sponsored . We don't have any affiliation to Halo Top 320 cals , not terrible , 330 .

Speaker 2 2:49

330 ?

Speaker 1 2:50

330 for that one Mostly protein , that's great For a pint of ice cream . Yeah , man , my goodness . So even if it's not external , alan , your growth threatens me and if you keep growing , it's going to be an issue . I'm not saying it's even like that . It might just be the undertone of . Well , every time I buy a new book , this person questions me . Every time I want to sign up for something in the realm of growth , I sense an energetic shift . It becomes walking on eggshells around someone , and that may be not externally , but that is affecting your growth and it is threatening your growth because if you're the type of person who people pleases , you're going to slow down because you don't want that lash back or whatever it may be . So I thought that would be a cool I don't want to say cool . I thought it would be a timely topic to talk about for Freestyle Friday because I think a lot of us go through that and not everyone has the courage and or circumstances to leave a misaligned relationship , friendship , whatever it is .

Speaker 2 3:52

I always feel vulnerable in conversations like this Understandable , because the things I want to say are things that I think are really hard to hear , particularly if you're in the situation and I've been there . I've been there where my growth threatens a person close to me . I've been there so many times . I was on Zoom once with a client way back , not way a couple years ago , and she was in the back of her car 's like a motor home type of thing , and I could tell that she was hiding because her husband didn't want her to work with a coach . And the reason why I think this is just and this is why it's so vulnerable I believe the husband didn't want her to realize how mistreated she's being , and I think that when a human being starts to recognize their value , they stop tolerating being mistreated or treated unjustly , and so I think a lot of people , out of scarcity , unconsciously try to siphon . We've all had that friend who got

The impact of misaligned relationships

Speaker 2 5:12

kind of siphoned away from their friend group after they met some person , and the reason why is because they kind of slowly but surely , want you to become less and less and less and they want you to be more and more . They want to be more and more in control . Human beings need certainty , and so if someone doesn't have a lot of skills , capabilities , personal development , physical , mental , emotional , spiritual growth , then how else are they going to get certainty without controlling other people ? A lot of people get certainty by controlling others . A lot of people do . It's actually very , very alarming . I have something I'm calling the manipulation equation and I have it written on the whiteboard downstairs . It's a simple equation with someone who believes they're not good enough at their core and who has super low self-belief and super low humility , and someone who is deeply insecure pretending that they're not . That's a recipe for manipulation , and I've I've been trying to figure out the human condition my entire adult life , and I've realized that one of my biggest challenges has been just identifying when I was being manipulated . I was on a podcast recently it was a pre-call , it wasn't a podcast with this man who I could feel there's nothing I could point to . There was nothing on the surface that I could point . He was a good looking guy , he had a great backdrop , he seemed fine , he seemed well-intentioned on the surface , but something underneath all of the stuff the things that he was saying and the things he was willing to say . It was very clear that he was manipulating me , and by manipulating I mean he was lying . He's well , I'm a lot like you . And the fact that , xyz , it's like , dude , you don't even know me . You did five minutes of research before this thing and now you think we're buddies . I need you to chill out with that . And I know what happened . I know what happened . A lot of people get triggered by my background . My background has a lot of awards on it and this . This man didn't go to college and he is . He had a very abusive childhood and I he told me about it for whatever reason , even though I don't even know him , which , again , I think in and of itself is some manipulation , to be honest . But I just felt a pit in my stomach . I had this intuitive knowing of I'm being messed with . Right now , this is him trying to get me to do what he wants me to do

Manipulation and self-respect

Speaker 2 7:40

by being deceitful and using status and perception . He's like oh well , I , you know , I don't you , I'm like you , I don't talk to anyone for any less than 20k a month . It's like dude , you don't even know me . What are you talking about ? Like , stop acting . Like . You're my buddy brother and I just sat there and I was completely disassociating for a second , because I usually do that when I'm being manipulated . And I just sat there and I was like you know what ? I think I have to tell this guy to fuck off . And I didn't actually say fuck off , because that's how you overswing . What I said instead is okay , yeah , fair , and I got to jump to my next meeting . So just email me . He said , put your email in the chat . I did , and then I emailed him right after the call . I wish I had had the courage to do it on the session , but I emailed him right after the call . I said listen , hey , I don't think that , upon further research and reflection of our conversation earlier , I don't think I'm the right fit for your show . And all the best , alan . And he said okay , all the best . Exclamation point CSJ . Cool , all good . Now I don't know this man's past . He probably had it sounds to me like he had an alcoholic father who was a workaholic , who I do believe he was pretty , pretty traumatized and abused , quite frankly , and hurt people , do hurt people , and I think that he's just one of those guys who has to manipulate his way to get certainty , and I think that he got really triggered by all my awards and I think he tried to like sell me because I think , deep down , he really wanted me to come on the show . I do believe that to be true and I had to sit with him myself and go okay , alan , you're fearful that if you don't go on this show , you're going to get less clients , and if you get less clients , the nlu team will be less taken care of and the world will be worse for it . So , alan , you have to overcome your martyrdom and your save everybody and you have to have self-respect and say you know what , you're not going on this because you don't want to , because the old me would have gone on , would have tolerated his manipulation in an effort to try to help someone on the other side of those earbuds . And now I lean into self-respect and courage and just say you know what , I'm going to send him an email . I'm good because I'm I'm more fearful to lose the opportunity . I would rather . I would rather get the opportunity to go help someone in the past than than hold onto my self-worth and self-respect , and you and I have worked really hard nowadays to break that pattern . I think that's a pattern from the past of I would rather go save someone else because they really need me , even if it's at the detriment of my own self-worth . And I realize now and this is a very sophisticated , mature , never used to think this way thing I actually realized that that's what's detrimental , like . If I want to do what's best for the NLU team and for the world and for our community , I have to be at my best . And I don't think I can be at my best anymore unless I have self-worth and self-respect , and I a hundred percent . You have to do what's best for you , I know .

Speaker 1 10:37

Yeah , that's the heart . That's the hard thing . I've been , alan and I have been having a healthy conversation about this for however long , where there are certain shows where I'm like , brother , I don't want to do it . And in the past I don't think you understood as much as you do now . Yeah , because what I'm afraid of is , I have a very firm belief If I come on a podcast and I don't want to be there , I'm not going to help anybody . I'm not going to help anybody , I'm not going to be me , I'm going to be faking it and it's not going to be the best that I can do and it's not going to work anyway . And then the second piece is I'm quite literally abandoning myself for that hour or whatever it is . And it's really . I told you , I went on a show . I did a pre-call the other day and said I don't even care about the audience , that for me it's just networking and getting clients I honestly thought this was the same guy .

Speaker 2 11:26

That's another thing that triggered me is I ?

Speaker 1 11:27

thought you're on his . You're on his calendar , I think , or he's on your calendar . I'm looking forward to it . I would , can , I would straight up , can it when ?

Speaker 2 11:34

he honestly should .

Speaker 1 11:36

Yeah I'm not going on , I'm not interested . That's not why I'm here . Yeah , I know that's fine for you . Good Like . If that's what you want to do with your podcast , good . But I'm not going to pretend . That's how I operate .

Speaker 2 11:48

You can feel it in your gut . I can feel it even right now . It's very misaligned . You can feel it .

Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:

Speaker 2 12:02

And then there's fear of . The fear comes in of well , am I missing an opportunity for NLU to grow ? Am I going to help less people ? You have to override that fear , because there's two types of fear . There's the fear of it is actually aligned and I'm scared I'm going to screw it up , versus the fear of I don't think this is aligned , I think there's something wrong here . And you know what's weird ? I couldn't point to anything on the surface . I could just tell in my gut this dude is messing with me I think it's intention .

Speaker 1 12:28

You can , I think you can probably sense intention , because it's never on it . You don't feel that on the surface I could tell . I could kind of tell , by the way , this guy , if he didn't say that to me I would have known at some point . I know , and it was just all intention . It's just because the first thing he said to me was oh yeah , I can have you ever heard of this . I can help you , I know .

Speaker 2 12:50

That's what he said to me too . This other guy , different guy , yeah , he literally is like yeah , man , you should really consider this setup . You , I've been doing this . You started a month and a half ago .

Speaker 2 12:59

He's recommending books to me . It's like dude , who

The significance of integrity and self-respect

Speaker 2 13:04

he literally was like well , this microphone , I mean this whole setup , brother , I mean it was only a couple hundred bucks . It's great I can send it to you . It's like I've been podcasting for seven years , sir . I don't know who you think you are . The dude recommended three books to me in a 20-minute conversation , kev . I read books every single day . This dude . I wanted to punch him . I really did . I wanted to punch him right in his throat .

Speaker 1 13:32

Well , this is why it's so hard to talk about stuff like this , because everybody my Alan , I think , think alan gets mine is fawn more , and then I get really pissed off after and it wrecks it , it jeffs my day yeah , it messes with us when I have one of these , particularly with men . Yes , it's also more common with men , it does affect women , but it's just more common with men , I think I think statistically men are less humble personally I would say , yeah , I would say that's fair .

Speaker 1 14:01

Yeah , I would say that's fair . Um , the ? I think the challenging piece of this is everybody reacts a little bit differently and everybody also reacts differently on the other end . I told you , when I did this pre-call , I was like I'm good man , thank you , I'm not interested , I don't need what you're selling , I'm good .

Speaker 2 14:23

Yeah .

Speaker 1 14:23

I'm very good , awesome . And I literally at one point said if it's not a line for me to come on , it's all good . I'm here to add value . I'm not going to work with you in any way , shape or form , I'm here to add value . And then he went into a 27-minute monologue about his life , I know , and it was supposed to be a podcast pre-call where we figure out if we're even going to do this podcast . This other guy did the same thing , kev . I think that's a . It's just a trauma response , I know .

Speaker 2 14:49

And we got to the end . He's like well , don't worry On the interview I won't talk so much , it's dude .

Speaker 1 14:55

Yeah , we've already missed that .

Speaker 2 14:58

It's almost like they live their life trying to get energetic high ground and then , when they don't , they're working really hard to get it back and none of it's conscious .

Speaker 1 15:07

Well , that's how they succeed . There is a subset of people who succeed by just kind of dominating and manipulating . Yeah , agreed , there is a subset of humans that do that , I know , and one of the reasons I wanted you to go on podcasts is because I wanted you to experience that , because I knew something would shift , because the same thing . I've been dealing with that for , however . I mean , I've been going on a lot of shows , right , you've been on what ?

Speaker 2 15:33

900? , something like that . At least 10% of those were challenging right .

Speaker 1 15:39

There was a lot of challenges in that and I knew that was one of the reasons my self-worth was getting better , because I was experiencing it . I think the next level

Doing things within alignment

Speaker 1 15:50

of self-worth is rejecting it outright .

Speaker 2 15:53

Yeah agreed .

Speaker 1 15:58

It's almost like if you order something . So I I think this does come from a little bit of low self-worth , but also I'm very low maintenance . If I order a meal and it's the wrong meal , I'm gonna eat it , I won't complain . I don't care if my food is cooked away .

Speaker 2 16:08

That's self-worth one thousand percent , yeah , maybe not some of that is lack of entitlement , though , because , because , yes , right , I mean , aren't you ? Grateful to have food , I mean .

Speaker 1 16:19

Yes , yes , Some of it is just gratitude . I think it depends . It depends on what the internal dialogue is . If it's , I'd really like to , but I don't .

Speaker 2 16:28

Well , there's a big difference between not asking for your food to be done correctly out of fear , versus it's just not worth it to me and I don't want to be entitled . I'm just grateful for this food . It's not a big deal , that's fair . Right , that's fair . But here's the thing you have to be very careful with that , because it might be out of fear , and then the story you tell yourself is well , it's just not worth it .

Speaker 1 16:49

Well then , the story you tell yourself is well , it's just not worth it . Well then the question becomes do you still eat the food and pretend you enjoy it , because that's what you're doing in these interviews , if you don't want to do it , and then you go do it and pretend it was awesome ?

Speaker 2 16:58

it's the same thing .

Speaker 1 17:00

It's the same . It's the same thing , kev this is awesome .

Speaker 2 17:03

This conversation is so important . In order to succeed in life , you have to do a lot of things you don't want , but this wasn't one of those things . There's a difference , and this is what I think screwed me up and , truth be told , you were ahead of me in this and you just didn't know it , but you did know it , which is why you wanted me to go on shows . There's certain things I can't guide you in because I'm just not ahead . Yes , and I don't know that . I'm not until after . So , but you kind of knew .

Speaker 2 17:30

Now , all

Next level of self-worth

Speaker 2 17:32

right , this , this was a great opportunity . This was a business show , about business for business owners . This is my target demographic . On the one hand , in order to succeed at anything in life and this goes to every single listener or viewer right now you do have to do things that you don't want to do , but you don't have to do things that aren't aligned on the ethical , moral , integrity level . That's a big difference . Right , this was outside of integrity for me , but , dude , do you know how many times a day I do things that I'm scared to do , that are totally within integrity , that I don't actually want to do because , like the Stairmaster is a great analogy the Stairmaster sucks , it always will suck , but I'll always be fulfilled when I went . I think that that's why people get so screwed with this . I had a client reach out to me recently . She said hey , I was on with a and I'm paraphrasing . So for this person listening , just keep in mind that I'm going off , I do have uh , one minute ?

Speaker 2 18:35

oh , holy crap . Okay , so this client reached out . She said listen , I have this icky pit in my stomach . This sales coach is telling me I have to do xyz in order to succeed and that I need to do their program and and . And I said listen , here's what I'll tell you . I think they poked your exile , they poked your deep wound to try to get you to do what they think you should do . And I sent her an audio , six minute audio . And she said oh my God , thank you so much , I'm so great .

Speaker 2 19:00

I said listen , if you want to go coach with them , I get it , but I would rather you start small and cause she wants to be a coach . Start small , do it for free , get the identity , build the , the , the , the castle , one brick at a time , and then actually embody and stay in alignment . They're going to try to get you to to do $10,000 for their program . It's not going to work for you because you're

How to succeed?

Speaker 2 19:20

not someone who has 10 level , 10 self-belief already and who isn't willing to go outside of integrity . So long story long here . For everyone out there watching or listening , are you afraid that , that this that ? Are you afraid you're going to fail at the opportunity ? Or are you afraid that this is just straight up outside of alignment with your actual integrity ?

Speaker 1 19:43

hell of a freestyle friday , I'd say I wish we had more time . It's a great topic yeah , it was well , we'll . Uh , we can do a part two at some point . All right , group coaching is starting on tuesday . If you're interested n NLU Listener is the discount code to get you 30% off . It'll end up being $96.60 per month . As always , we love you , we appreciate you and we are grateful for each and every one of you at NLU . We don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .

Speaker 2 20:08

Lean into courage . Next level nation .