#1757 - Do You Hate Discipline?

Ever wonder if discipline is a friend or a foe? In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros dive into a fresh perspective on discipline and why it shouldn’t be seen as a punishment but rather an opportunity for growth. Learn also about the importance of small wins, embracing failure as a learning tool, and the role of dopamine in motivation. Whether you’re more logical or emotional, this episode has insights to help you stay motivated and disciplined on your journey to success.

Link mentioned:
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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:03) Discipline perception shift
(3:04) Work-life choices
(5:35) Logic and emotion
(8:17) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your will. Today, for episode number 1,757, I hate to sound negative. Do you hate discipline? The reason I wanted to do this episode, alan, was we have a new department within NLU and we very rarely talk about I mean, we have it in a minute but we have a department called Next Level Video Production and I interview people that don't have podcasts, that are looking to get some high-quality video content, and usually when we're running a new department, we are willing to work with someone to work out the kinks. Beta testing is what they call it in the biz. I guess I don't know, but I've heard those words put together and I think that's what they're talking about.

Speaker 1 0:55

So I was on with the amazing Amy from the team today, and all this process really is, is, I say all right, what kind of content are you looking to put out into the world? And the person gives me their brand, they give me their expertise, strong points, weak points. Who's their ideal listener? All that stuff, and one of the questions I asked Amy today was how has your relationship and has it changed when it comes to discipline over the last few years? When it comes to discipline over the last few years, I believe that discipline is one of those things that gets a really bad rap, just like consistency might get a bad rap, just like doing hard stuff, working often, working long hours. I think a lot of that gets a bad rap. Now, can you work too much? Yes, depending on your own unique thing. Can you be too disciplined to the point where you're not fulfilled and aligned? Sure, I believe all of that. But the reason I wanted to ask her that is because I know her understanding of discipline. Her relationship with discipline and the way she looks at it has changed dramatically, and I think mine probably has too. I don't think discipline is a punishment. I think discipline is an opportunity.

Speaker 1 2:16

I worked all day on the 4th of July and, again, that's my choice. I'm blessed to be able to do that. And Taryn went away this weekend. She's in Vermont. I'm blessed to be able to do that and Taryn went away this week. She's in this weekend. She's in Vermont. I'm staying home because I have a lot of opportunity right now that I don't want to miss out on, because I firmly believe I'd regret it.

Speaker 1 2:37

And I said this last night on our monthly meetup where we are recording this. On Friday, I said it's the 4th of July. I had someone invite me to a cookout. There's a pool, I'm sure there's going to be cold beer. And I said I'm working all day on the 4th. And it wasn't from a place of sadness, it wasn't from a place of regret. I got to the end of the day and I was super, super grateful for the day that I had because it was a very, very, very wonderful day. But it took a lot of discipline to say no to all the other opportunities. It took a lot of discipline to be one of the three cars that was in the parking lot at 6 am. I actually got up earlier because I needed to do my presentation for Evan.

Work-life choices

Speaker 1 3:18

I used to think discipline was punishment. I used to think discipline came from a place of lack. I now think discipline is it's an opportunity to gather abundance that you do not have yet but you desire. And it doesn't have to be a bad thing, it doesn't have to be restricting. I think it can be constructive, I think it could be constructive, I think it can be opportunity. I think it can be abundant.

Speaker 2 3:46

I'm reading a book right now called Principles by Ray Dalio Super boring book.

Speaker 1 3:52

Definitely Super boring. One of the most Very.

Speaker 2 3:55

I know. Yeah, ray, sorry you're very boring, but it's extremely valuable. Big fan, big fan. Ray is very bright, very bright. In the book he talks about how he talked about the circumstance where his company had 45 people in the mid to late 90s and the team members of the company were complaining that he was being a little bit of a dick and that's not the way they phrased it. They phrased it as a 360 degree assessment. He cares deeply, he's passionate, he's very intelligent. But the negative feedback was sometimes he demotivates the team by being too direct and being unkind what seems like unkind right, particularly with the team members who don't know him as well. And I resonated deeply with that and he said I figured out through a neuroscientist that I talked about that all of us have these two parts of our brain and this is an oversimplification. By the way, for any neuroscientist out there, this is like a massive oversimplification, but I'm just going to do it for the purposes of this episode.

Speaker 2 5:04

Kev, one of the reasons I've been getting a lot of feedback lately about our podcast and why one person on the team, nicole she. I asked her perspective on next level audio blog, her perspective on podcast growth university, her perspective on nlu and her perspective on the conscious couples podcast. I want to understand the difference between each. Which one's the best? From her perspective, she thinks nlu is by far the best, which thank you. That's great, and I think that it makes sense, since we've put way more effort into this podcast than anything else we've pretty much ever done in our entire life, which is interesting to say out loud.

Logic and emotion

Speaker 2 5:34

There's two parts of our brain. One is the logical, rational, structured, disciplined. We'll just call it logic, logic, logic and rationality. Okay, so that's bucket one. Bucket two is emotional. One of the reasons why I think NLU is really valuable is because we talk about important topics, and Kev and I are both both. So we're logical and emotional, but I'm probably 80% logical, 20% emotional. Kevin is probably 80% emotional, 20% logical, and so we have these really cool discussions where you get to kind of resonate with these topics from your emotional part and from your logical part, and so if you're out there and you resonate with me more, you're more logical. If you are more emotional, you resonate with Kev more. That's okay, even though he's a worse communicator.

Speaker 1 6:29

Uh, I'm joking so the reason I didn't say anything is because I wanted you. I wanted you to say I'm joking, because you can't mean it. If you say you're joking, which means I'm a better communicator than you no no, no, you just admitted it. I have it in tape, in recording, in tape. I don't think you're a better communicator than you.

Speaker 2 6:47

No, no, no, no. You just admitted it. I have it in tape, in recording, in tape. I don't think you're a stronger communicator than me.

Speaker 1 6:51

I think you're a different communicator than me, that's one way of saying stronger, but it's okay, I think, an audience of logically driven people.

Speaker 2 6:58

I'm a stronger communicator. I think an audience of emotionally driven people. You are a stronger communicator.

Speaker 1 7:04

When I give my next speech at MIT, we'll find out I'm giving a speech next year on quantitative decision analysis. I'm offended, they overlooked me for that one. I don't know when they were looking at everything they landed on you.

Speaker 2 7:19

for that, I would pay money to see that.

Speaker 1 7:22

That would be fun for me genuinely. You would be the only one, hence why I will never give that speech. Yeah, fair.

Speaker 2 7:27

So for everyone out there listening to bring this back to discipline, I'm going to speak very logically and then emotionally about this. Okay, when he says your relationship with discipline, that's emotional. Do you have a positive association with discipline or do you have a negative association with discipline? Mine is have a negative association with discipline? Mine is very positive. Emily and I were talking about this recently because we just surpassed two and a quarter years recently of exercise every day. Now it's only 30 minutes a day. Eventually it became 35 and we've been able to hold that line. But I would argue that a lot of people would love to be able to be more consistent at exercise and we've been able to pull that off and I think one of the reasons is we have each other. But I was talking to her a little bit about this and why we were able to do that. Why is that? Because I think a lot of people, if they were honest with themselves, want to exercise more consistently. So how are we doing this? Our relationship with discipline is very, very, very positive. So how do I frame this? I know we've got to go quick with this, so I'm having trouble containing it in a very small short episode. All right.

At NLU, we want you to win! So we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meetup every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.

Speaker 2 8:39

Apparently, the neuroscience shows and I've researched this quite a bit that dopamine is the reward chemical that comes after accomplishing something meaningful. Okay, so I get a dopamine hit after I go to the gym because I said I wanted to go to the gym, I accomplished that, and then I get a dopamine hit. What the neuroscience shows is that if you aren't careful and you fail too much at achieving your small promises to yourself, you actually lose dopamine receptors. So dopaminergic people are people that have high levels of dopamine, high sex drive. They're very motivated, they're very driven. I would argue that I there's a book called the molecule of more and I knew when I read that book I was like definitely, I'm very intensely motivated human. In general, I don't struggle much to do things.

Small wins and motivation

Speaker 2 9:28

Now, that said, if Kev loses, loses, loses, loses, loses, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail and he doesn't get any rewards from that, you will get less dopamine receptors and therefore you'll be less motivated. So for you, you actually do have to stack small wins. So for the emotionally driven people out there that are less rational, that's okay, I'm not making that wrong. You do need to stack small wins. You have to. You're my people, yeah, and you resonate more with Kev most likely, and that's okay. If you're like me, you actually need to fail more and eat more humble pie, and Emilia and I have realized that we basically reframed somehow whether I think we were kids when we did this. We now associate failure with a good thing, so we still get dopamine. Have you ever noticed that when I fail, I actually get excited?

Speaker 1 10:17

Yeah, it's been quite annoying at times.

Speaker 2 10:19

Yeah, fair, I, it's been quite annoying at times. Yeah, fair that. I think what's happening is I'm so excited to learn from the failure that I get dopamine from the learning. So now failure actually motivates me more, and so I think my brain is just wired differently than yours and that's okay. But when we work together, you get devastated when we fail. Devastated is the wrong word, but you know what I'm saying. You get less dopamine when we're failing and tons of dopamine when we're winning. I am the opposite. When we're winning, you notice I don't even almost notice. So luckily we have each other.

Speaker 2 11:02

But at the end of the day, if you're out there watching or listening to this, if you struggle with self-discipline, it's most likely because your relationship with self-discipline is not providing the dopamine necessary to continue.

Speaker 2 11:07

So here's my point what are you disciplining yourself to do? It needs to be something that is actually meaningful and rewarding, otherwise you won't get more dopamine, and then you won't increase dopamine receptors and then you won't be as motivated in general. So think of those people out there that are constantly motivated as hell. They're super motivated. They've basically trained their mind to increase the dopamine, and that's why a lot of people who are saying that they're depressed and struggling with depression. Again, I'm not by any means the person to talk about this, because I don't think I've experienced much depression in my life, but what I will say is that there are a lot of drugs for mental health people that are struggling with depression that help increase oxytocin and dopamine, and so there's a way to actually build that through your own neurochemistry, and I think it comes from knowing yourself. Back to the self awareness piece self-awareness is everything some would.

Learning from failure

Speaker 1 11:59

Now you went on an epic monologue there and now we have to go. It's devastating, it is.

Speaker 2 12:08

You still have a couple minutes.

Speaker 1 12:09

No, I have to get us off here. It's my job, I'm the conductor.

Speaker 2 12:12

What are your thoughts on all?

Speaker 1 12:13

that I think it's great, powerful, very, very powerful, very powerful. One thing you'll never probably hear me talk about is dopamine. I don't know if I've ever have I ever used the word dopamine? Probably not. How come I stay in my lane? I haven't done the research like you have, I know. You know you know way more about mammalian brain and prefrontal cortex and post modern cortex and all that.

Speaker 2 12:41

That's not a real thing.

Speaker 1 12:43

The old mitochondria. You know the power, the powerhouse of the cell. I'm just, I'm just cooked at this point. No, I agree, I think that I don't know I would. I would love to do a further episode because I would love to ask you if do you think I can rewire to the point where I'm motivated by losing. But hang on to that, because we'll do a deeper dive, because I'm trying to get there, but I don't know. Sometimes it feels impossible. We don't have time. We got to go, we got to go. I can't be late for this next podcast. You have a call as well. All right, group coaching starts literally tomorrow with a discount code. It ends up being $96.60 per month. We would love to have you in there. Keep momentum throughout the summer. Hang out with Alan, myself and Amy and nine other amazing people. It is well worth your money.

Speaker 1 13:28

We've had a lot of amazing words and a lot of amazing testimonials. Thank you to everybody who left those. You could be that next testimonial. I guess, as always, we love you, we appreciate you. Testimonial, I guess, as always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. And at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We'll talk to you all tomorrow. Stay disciplined.

Speaker 2 13:45

Next explanation.