#1767 - What Are Your Prerequisites Of Worthiness?

Have you ever wondered what you need to feel truly worthy? In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore how setting unrealistic prerequisites for worthiness can lead to feelings of inadequacy and stress. They share insights on the importance of setting achievable goals and the role of personal progress in building self-worth. They also reflect on their experiences and the balance between intrinsic worth and external achievements. Tune in to learn how to redefine your prerequisites of worthiness and cultivate healthier self-esteem.

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Show notes:
(2:13) Prerequisites
(4:40) Knowing worthiness
(8:28) Qualifiers
(14:41) Four buckets of success
(19:49) Framework: Self-belief and self-worth
(27:31) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life.

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,766, what are your prerequisites of worthiness? So Alan has a client who was reading a book by Brene Brown where Brene talked about the prerequisites of worthiness. Alan's going to go into that, but I just wanted to give an example and, very transparently, this is the second time we're recording this, because I butchered the numbers so badly the first time that I told Alan I want to make sure it's valuable. It's not because I'm embarrassed that I don't know the numbers. You know I don't know the numbers. You know I don't know the numbers, but I don't want somebody to have to sit through five minutes of me going through numbers.

Speaker 1 0:45

Okay, so there was a meme on Instagram and I think it ended up becoming a song and it was this kind of viral thing, but it was a young lady talking about how she wanted to date someone who was six foot five and in finance and, I think, made a certain amount of money and all these prerequisites. Speaking to prerequisites, okay, according to Cliff's Notes whatever that is, I guess I googled it AI came up and it said according to Cliff's Notes, .17% of American adult men are taller than 6'5". So for context and Alan told me to say this because I butchered it before if you were at a concert and there was 100,000 men in the audience, 170 of those would be over 6'5". Correct. Now if we were to say, okay, how many of them are also in finance? The number would go down exponentially. Many of them are also in finance. The number would go down

Speaker 1 1:48

exponentially. How many of them are also good looking to the, to your uh specifications? That would also go way down. How many of them make a certain amount of money? That would go way down. How many of them are willing to be with you? How many of them are willing to be with you? That potentially could go way, way, way, way, way way down. If you're you look a certain way, maybe it goes up. And how many of them are willing to be with you? That potentially could go way, way, way, way, way, way down. If you look a certain way, maybe it goes up. And how many of them are actually like good people? That's a whole nother

Speaker 1 2:13

equation. So the reason I wanted to share that is if that is somebody's prerequisites. If the prerequisites are in order to date me, you must look a certain way, you must make a certain amount of money, you must be a certain height, you must have this, this, this, this. Eventually it gets to the stage where we're talking one in a million, and even further beyond that, and that's potentially setting you up for a losing game. Well, imagine if your internal prerequisites for yourself to feel worthiness are similar to that or even longer odds. You're going to be struggling because you're going to be searching for stuff that is just hyper unrealistic for you to ever fulfill. You go, well done, yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2 3:00

Second time's a charm.

Speaker 1 3:02

The first time was a ripe piece of shit, but the second one not terrible, Not terrible.

Speaker 2 3:08

Yeah, well done.

Speaker 2 3:08

Thank you, strong speaker, my friend, the second time. Yeah, the client that I'm referring to is having a wonderful existential crisis, and I mean wonderful because she said our last call after this is verbatim and I'll keep it anonymous and if you're listening which I know you are what's happening, shout out our last call. Shout out to you. Our last call effed me up in the best way, and in the best way was in parentheses. I told this person I and this is one of the biggest challenges that I have with our podcast Kev we preach holistic, holistic self-improvement in your pocket every day, from anywhere on the planet, completely free Always.

Knowing worthiness

Speaker 2 3:54

This is Next Level University or that is, or whatever. Whatever our intro says, welcome, awesome, welcome to. The problem with holistic is it's also wildly unrealistic, and I'll explain statistically why that is. I also think, even though it's unrealistic, it is something we should all shoot for, by the way. So that's a duality If you are one out of a hundred, top one percent in health in health, top 1%, 1 in 100 in wealth and top 1% in love, you are 1 in a million. The mathematics works out to 1 over 100 times 1 over 100 times 1 over 100. And you can look this up, you can research this. I studied probability a lot and statistics. So to be 1 in 100 in your lifetime in health, in health, wealth and love, you are one in a million. Not bumper sticker, fortune cookie, one in a million, I'm talking. You are statistically one in a million and if that's what you're going for, kudos to you. And also very, very hard. Don't expect being one in a million to be easy. Okay, this client you know who you are is reading a book called Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. Highly recommend it. I read it a long time ago, but Brene's work is definitely super important and I respect and admire Brene's work so much.

Speaker 2 5:18

Okay, I pulled up the specific quote that talks about prerequisites from the book online. This is Brene, not me. The important thing to know about worthiness is that it doesn't have to have prerequisites. We are going to talk about that because I actually think. Of course I would think this because I try to earn my worthiness, and so does Kev. So we're going to talk about that. But I do think tying your self-esteem to how well you do at things actually can be productive. But anyways, here we go.

Speaker 2 5:47

Most of us, on the other hand, take this too far what I was saying have a long list of worthiness prerequisites, aka qualifiers that we've inherited, learned and unknowingly picked up along the way. Most of these prerequisites fall in the categories of accomplishments, acquisitions and external acceptance. It's the if slash when problem. I'll be worthy when, or I'll be worthy if, AKA. And I'll give you some examples from this client. She wouldn't mind me reading this. She came up with and this is what she said our calls are effing me up in the best way and causing me to really think about myself and my life. I started listening to Brene and this is what she said Our prerequisites for reading out loud in public and speaking no, our prerequisites for worthiness. So I wrote mine out.

Speaker 2 6:45

My prerequisites for worthiness are, and she came up with 25. And these are unattainable. A lot of these are unwinnable games. Some of them are doable, right Be strong, fit and healthy, lean and muscular, minimal, minimal fat, et cetera, et cetera. Okay, but they're very specific. Now, kudos to, to this person, this client, who's having the humility to look in the mirror of what would need to be the conditions for her to feel good enough. That is humble pie. So I'll just read you one anonymously super fit, lean, lean, muscular body, minimal fat, perfectly round glutes, flat stomach with abs and no more rib flare, lean, fit arms, feminine demeanor. That's just one of the 25.

Speaker 1 7:34

I was going to say that doesn't take into effect any body dysmorphia. You might be dealing with any past conditioning.

Speaker 2 7:41

You might be dealing with any of that that doesn't even take into effect that yep, that's just one of 25, and so at the end of these 25, she said verbatim, anonymously this list is absolutely jeffed. She said effed, but I'm trying to keep it reasonable. A lot of our listeners have kids listening to and it's not fully completed yet. I guarantee you there's so much more like no crap. She said s the s word no crap. I don't feel good enough. Look at everything I have to be in order to feel good enough. This is effing, ruining me. Now I'm so proud of her because the truth is, she is playing an unwinnable game.

Qualifiers

Speaker 2 8:22

I try to tell this person all the time like, listen, a lot of people out there I'm going to be very honest think they're better than they are. That's detrimental. Thinking you're better than you are is called arrogance. I struggle with it too. It's detrimental. Go do a 5K, realize you're not okay. That's what I did.

Speaker 2 8:41

The point is is this person is the opposite you. That's what I did. The point is is this person is the opposite. You are beautiful and fit and you still think you look like crap. That is, that is such a negative, inaccurate way. But all of it is past conditioning and this person came from a family that's very, I would say they find all the things they don't like and highlight those more than the things they do like.

Speaker 2 9:02

Okay, and all of us have conditioning either overly inflated good or like. Okay, and all of us have conditioning either overly inflated good or negative. Okay, if you're completely out of shape and you still think you're in great shape I've been there too you think you're better than you are and you need to be level set, like the time Kevin said hey man, you're delusional. If you're like her and you're super fit and look like a supermodel and you still feel like crap about yourself, you seriously need to work on self-love and affirmation. Kevin and I've been talking about this a lot. So for everyone, including kevin and myself, we need to understand what are the prerequisites for worthiness, because I think that's a game changer. I can tell you, one of mine for sure is take care of Emilia and our family. Another prerequisite would be take the high road, like we talked about on the last episode or two episodes ago. Two episodes.

Speaker 1 9:55

No, no, last episode, my goodness.

Speaker 2 9:59

So the existential question that we all need to ask ourselves is what are the prerequisites for worthiness? That would actually help me create a life that, yes, the game is winnable along the way, but also it keeps me striving toward better, better, better, better, because if you need a Lamborghini in order to feel worthy, you basically will feel unworthy until you get the Lamborghini. But if you need a Lamborghini and and, and, and, and, and and, you'll pretty much never feel worthy, and then, by the time you get all those things that are external, you will realize that that didn't solve the worthiness issue fully. Issue fully because the worthiness issue does stem from something deeper, which is, I think, fulfillment and self-esteem and self-trust and who you are as a person and being proud of the person you've become well, and the other thing that makes it super hard is I think oftentimes we probably oh my shoulder, my shoulder just got locked.

Speaker 1 11:02

I think that we often take other people's prerequisites and then adopt them as our own. 100 that's been a thing. One of the hardest things about my journey my relationship with height is, I know most women like taller men. So it's almost like in my mind of course I'm going to adopt the prerequisite that most of the women I've spoken to want and that becomes this, this weird thing, and again there's nothing I can do to change that. So it's not necessarily a prerequisite, but but then there's the female equivalent.

Speaker 2 11:34

Most guys do want, you know voluptuous, attractive women too, right so yeah it it's. I remember there was someone in my past who said alan, you don't understand. Overweight women get overlooked. It's almost like you're not even there, and I would say the same to a prepubescent looks like he's 11. When there's grown ass men in high school who can dunk basketballs like I felt the most overlooked beards, and I'm sure you feel the same way.

Speaker 1 12:05

You're very overlooked, as literally and metaphorically, as someone who's a short man, If I wasn't in good shape and I didn't have tattoos, I think I would be way, way, way, way way more overlooked.

Speaker 2 12:18

I think that's one of the reasons I focus on fitness. What if that's one of the reasons you did them?

Speaker 1 12:21

because that's one of the reasons you did them. Well, I think it is. I was talking to somebody about that recently. We were talking about fitness and how it can be like a crutch, and I think it's a positive crutch. But the thought was well, what are you when you lean into fitness? What are you running from? That's probably insignificance. I knew I couldn't grow this way, but I knew I could grow the other way. Way, and I think people value that. It's like well, okay, maybe you don't, maybe you value somebody who's tall, but they were born with that. I didn't do anything to achieve that. Let watch me go to the gym and get in really good shape. At least I achieved that and I'm in control of that, and I think that's something to be I don't know, drawn towards, but that's a whole. Yeah, that makes it super hard.

Speaker 2 13:06

And then there's the whole. I think a lot of achievements start, and I told you this, kev, before we started recording, but I have a digital asset that I use, called the four buckets of success. It's essentially and I talked about this on a podcast recently because they asked me to tell my story I really appreciate it, but I basically said at the end I went through all four buckets and I can simply explain it, but I I want all the listeners Watching or listening to this think about your own life, kevin, and I went through all four of these buckets. I actually wrote a blog about it and You're in it, by the way.

Speaker 1 13:43

Oh, I finally made it.

Four buckets of success

Speaker 2 13:44

Yeah, nice all 74 readers all right so so bucket one is being and I think this is where we all start you're unsuccessful and unfulfilled and so I use when I was a bus boy and a cart kid at a golf course that I really didn't feel valued. I remember one of the waiters who was training me ended up throwing biscuits that were burnt at me. Oh, it was brutal and he made me feel so terrible. He was jacked and he was an asshole and there's nothing I can do about it because he's three times my size. So I just have to sit there and take it Right. I wish I had me now to like be there. Oh, I get so emotional. Um, I just really hate bullies. So I was unsuccessful and unfulfilled and then I went to the next bucket, which was super successful and deeply unfulfilled. So I, you know, went off and made a thousand times more money than that guy Maybe not a thousand, but definitely a hundred times right and I thought that would fill the void and I was super successful. I was a top 1% global earner, corporate blah, blah, blah, blah, tech companies, and. But I was unfulfilled deep down. Then car accident happens at 26. For the new listeners I'll give reference, probably another episode.

Speaker 2 15:15

But after that I got the second chance my dad never had and I decided to go all in on personal growth, self-improvement, character over everything, redesign my life from fulfillment as the focal point, and that's what I did. So I spent all my money and I liquidated all my stocks and I went past, broke and built my own businesses. The first one was a failure, so second business with Kev and they kind of merged together. But essentially I became fulfilled as hell as who. I am super fit. I became my own hero, but I was unsuccessful.

Speaker 2 15:57

And then eventually and this is the place I think all of us want to get to and this is the mountain that gets higher as you climb it, by the way but I eventually got to the fourth bucket, which is where I think we all want to get, which is I'm successful and I'm fulfilled and I want my future to be an amplified version of what my present is. And I think that that's a place we all can get to. And that goes back to yesterday's episode where kevin and I were talking about how we are fulfilled where we are. So we kind of don't regret our past, but we still kind of do, because we obviously made many mistakes and that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 16:32

So where are you in those four buckets? Because ultimately, that's what my coaching is is I find people or people find me, I should say that are in one, two or three, that have the humility to come get help. To get to bucket four, I mean, some people are already super successful and they're deeply unfulfilled in business and they need to redesign their business because it's no longer aligned with who they are, or they're super fulfilled but they don't know how to turn their passion into profit. And so, ultimately, those are the four buckets of the human condition, and I think every movie that's magnificent goes through those, uh, to some extent with the characters, and not just movies, but also also literature in general.

Speaker 1 17:05

I was thinking of Titanic when you were talking about movies. Nice Need to watch it.

Speaker 2 17:11

It's been a minute. It's a great one. Man. You want a good cry, that's the one.

Speaker 1 17:18

Nah, I don't cry at that. First movie I ever saw in theaters was that I thought Leonardo sacrificed his life for the movie. It's like that was noble of him. He's really gone now, which tells you a lot, because I think that was like 1999. That came in 1999.

Speaker 1 17:32

So I was 10 years old, I think it was 98. Well, I was nine years old. I had no idea what was going on. Very clearly, I have a. I had a point to make because I can tell. So sometimes alan will see me and he's like this, gets flound, like this kid's floundering. I think he's floundering right now. I have to find a way to save him and then he'll start a different conversation. I think that's probably what you're trying to do. I'm fine, we're good, I got it. It's here. I was just talking about Titanic.

Speaker 1 17:56

We were talking about this a little bit in the beginning. You shouldn't attach your worthiness to anything. You shouldn't attach it to results. It should just be this thing that stands alone by itself. I think we should talk about that a little bit.

Speaker 1 18:21

This is my new belief and I don't know, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what my ultimate belief is, but I think true worthiness comes from making personal progress, whatever personal means If you're, I would venture to guess that if you're struggling to get out of bed and then you get out of bed one day, you're probably going to feel more worthy. Does that mean you accomplish all of your goals? No, is that considered progress to somebody? No, no, but that's personal progress to you, and I think that's a really good start point for measurement, because if you're making progress, you are achieving more and you are learning more and you're pouring more into yourself, thus becoming more worthy Extrinsically, not necessarily intrinsically. I think that's where it gets mixed up. So that's just my current thought. Obviously, we'll have a chat about it, but what is your perspective on that current thought?

Speaker 2 19:31

obviously, we'll have a chat about it, but what is your perspective on that? The first thing I wanted to say was I don't think I'm this may not land now, but I thought it was funny in my head. I'm not trying to save you, I'm trying to save the listeners from no, that's good I like that I respect that.

Framework: Self-belief and self-worth

Speaker 1 19:46

Okay, I'm good. I didn't think you were floundering. I'm kidding after the joke. It negates the joke completely.

Speaker 2 19:52

No, I'm telling you it does, but a lot of people don't know when I'm being sarcastic Because I'm so serious.

Speaker 1 19:58

Well, I laugh. When I laugh, people can know that You're kidding, I think. But when people don't laugh, well that, but you know I'm gonna laugh.

Speaker 2 20:10

Sometimes you don't.

Speaker 1 20:11

Are we in a stalemate right now?

Speaker 2 20:15

So you don't want me to go down this road, but I need to. I think it's important. Oh boy, the worthiness piece.

Speaker 1 20:21

Yes.

Speaker 2 20:24

We had this framework that we've used. That has to do with self-belief and self-worth the victim, the villain, the hero and the guide. The Titanic is a great reference and I'll be as brief as I can about this, oh boy, but I do think this is unbelievably important for everyone to understand in your own life. The reason why movies move us huge film buff, but also literature in general moves us is because it's just describing the human condition and those four buckets, in a way, are very congruent with victim, villain, hero and God.

Speaker 2 21:00

I mean, the victim is someone who's unfulfilled and unsuccessful. The villain is someone who's successful and deeply unfulfilled and ends up hurting other people. The hero is someone who is successful and deeply unfulfilled and ends up hurting other people. The hero is someone who is fulfilled but maybe not successful yet. And then the guide is someone who's both fulfilled and successful and they just want the greater good. And in titanic, I think it's a good movie to use because most people have seen it. Statistically speaking, it's, it's a very one of the most successful movies in history uh, it was on the top blockbuster chart for well deserved, basically until avatar came out.

Speaker 2 21:38

So for 20 years and I'm 15 years I'm crazy.

Speaker 1 21:40

Uh, yeah, avengers endgame is also up there now which?

Speaker 2 21:44

really pisses me off honestly, I don't like it endgame as much we can't get into it.

Speaker 1 21:51

I've never seen a single one. But I'll be damned if some marvel thing's gonna take titanic down. Pun intended, no, no, no, no pun intended at all. It's just what a, what a masterpiece we're gonna yeah the time the the cgi the story. It's the greatest film ever made it's just yeah end game.

Speaker 2 22:12

So the victim, yeah, in titanic is actually rose. She is suppressed by her terrible partner, cal, who's an arrogant a-hole, and society, who believes women are not worthy of success opportunity. Right, this is the early 1900s. I don't even think that women could vote until 1920 in us, or something like that. I don't even know, it's wild. It's wild, it's un, it's ridiculous, it's completely ridiculous. So, anyways, she's suppressed by society and she's suppressed by cal and she's suppressed by her mom, who is basically broke, pretending to be wealthy in order to not end up a seamstress. And if you've seen the movie, you'll relate, but you also probably haven't studied it to the extent that I have. Okay.

Speaker 2 23:05

Then there's the villain, which is cal, and cal is so. So the victim has low self-belief and low self-worth and the victim feels trapped and suppressed, and the villain is suppressing the victim and has low self-belief and fake self-worth. They have high self-worth and fake self-belief. It's all ego. It's all. I'm the man, even though my dad is the one who. He's a trust fund baby, for lack of a better phrasing, okay. And so he basically uses his money to control Rose and everyone who. You can sense it. You can sense that he's someone who doesn't believe he can build his own wealth. He is basically entitled as hell and thinks he can use his money to control other people. Right, and he thinks he's better than other people because of his money, even though he didn't earn it. And that's why it's such a powerful story. And then jack dawson comes in leonardo dicaprio's character, who is the guide. Most people think he's the hero. He's not, he's the guide. And the guide shows rose that she's trapped and that if she believes in herself, she could get untrapped. They've got you trapped, rose, and you're going to die if you don't get out. Maybe not at first, because you're strong, but that fire I love about you is eventually going to go out.

Speaker 2 24:23

I love the movie. Okay, all right, so fast forward. The victim decides to become the hero and say you know what F y'all? I don't care if women are, you know, less worthy in the eyes of society. I don't care if Cal, you know, I don't care if I lose his money. And then I don't care if my mom hates me for this, I'm out. And the scene where she says I changed my mind, jack, and then they kiss the beautiful scene that was awesome In front of the ship, that's basically the hero's call to action, where the victim became the hero and said it's game time, I'm out. Then the whole rest of the film is basically an adventure where she's trying to climb out of the clutches and Cal's trying to pretend that so-and-so stole the diamond and all kinds of stuff, right, right. So at the end of the day, rose becomes the guide at the end when she throws the diamond. That's when she became good enough, as she is now do. I think she should have thrown the diamond yeah, devastated, devastating news.

Speaker 2 25:22

But the truth is she threw it and that is proving to herself that she does it. She is worthy without the money. She's fully worthy. She's she's fully. She completed her life's mission, so to speak. And again, it's a metaphor, but it's really cool and it's really powerful, and I think that that's where we all want to get. We all want to get to the place where no amount of money would ever convince us to go against who we are inside. And and I think that that's why film is so powerful Because it shows us a hero who is a victim first and being suppressed by villains, and then becomes the hero and finally has the courage to believe in themselves and then goes on a journey with a guide, a mentor, and eventually becomes the guide themselves. I think that's what every movie is in a nutshell, and I've been studying this since I was a little kid, because I, I think that's what every movie is in a nutshell, and I've been studying this since I was a little kid because I always felt suppressed.

Speaker 1 26:19

So you started that out, that epic monologue out. With that, you were going to talk about the worthy piece Mm-hmm, you want to go there? Would you like to go there now?

Speaker 2 26:26

I think that worthiness comes through earning it, like you mentioned.

Speaker 1 26:30

Oh.

Speaker 2 26:31

Because you can't just jump to worthy.

Speaker 1 26:37

I just think it's a. I think it's important to state that it's personal. I think that's an important piece that a lot of people miss out. We talked about this recently. You can either change your perception or you can change your behavior.

Speaker 2 26:50

Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 1 26:51

Okay, so miss out. We talked about this recently. You can either change your perception or you can change your behavior, okay, so I don't really have a good example, because I don't want to. I don't want to say anything too hardcore and I don't want to offend anyone, and I want it to be constructive. I'm I am very real with myself when it comes to my fitness and my physique. Now, I'm allowed to do that because it's my body and I am the one who works on it, and I also know what I'm capable of, and that's an important piece too. Very rarely do I adjust my perception and say oh, kev, you know, it's fine that you're not in the shape that you once were. Or yeah, you're, kev, you know it's fine that you're not in the shape that you once were.

Speaker 1 27:33

Or yeah, you're so much busier now and you have a household and a business and all these clients. That's me changing my perception, saying it's okay because of these things. Changing my behavior is saying, kev, you are living below your standards and you're more fulfilled when you're in shape and you feel more worthy when you're in shape. And you feel more worthy when you're in shape, right, wrong or indifferent. That's just my truth. I feel like I'm investing more in myself. I feel better when I'm in shape. I just do. That's me changing my behavior, saying, yeah, you've kind of let it go. These are the things we need to do to get it back.

Speaker 1 28:09

I think worthiness is very similar. Where am I intrinsically worthy on both ends? Yes, absolutely I. I think 100. Am I more worthy me physically, personally, when I'm doing the work? Yes, I. I think I'm more worthy because I'm more worthy to me. It's not about other people telling me I'm worthy because it doesn't matter. If anything, people want me to go to the gym less. I know that doesn't matter, I don't care, it's for me, this is for me. Nobody's going to see me. I don't go to the beach. Nobody's going to see me with my shirt off. It's not about that. It's about me. It it's not about that. It's about me. It's about my journey. It's about the way I feel. That's why I think it has to be personal meaningful progress.

Changing perception or behavior

Speaker 1 28:57

It's different to everybody, yeah, but that's really my. Again, I don't want to offend anybody, that's why I'm talking about me, but my truth is I don't think I deserve to feel as worthy if I'm not putting in the work. That's my belief for me. I'm not saying you have to adopt my belief, but I'll tell you what. When I was sitting and blaming other people for why I wasn't quote unquote successful and making excuses and letting myself down and leaning more into vice than virtue, I definitely wasn't. I didn't feel as worthy and I don't think I should have. But that's me. So I'm just I'm. I'm not going to put my standards on you. I'm not gonna put my standards on Alan, but that is my perspective on it and I think maybe it's a unique perspective.

Speaker 2 29:41

I don't know, but that's my perspective At least the best, most practical way I can help people feel worthy, and this is the only way that's ever worked for me, and I do think this is universal. I really do. I believe this is a principle that applies to all of us. The way in which it applies is different, okay, so the way in which it applies is different, but I think that doing all you can with all you have is the way human beings feel fulfilled and worthy, and I think fulfillment is a combination of self-belief and self-worth. How you feel about yourself when you're by yourself is a quote that I think is really powerful, and I don't think anyone else can give that to you.

Speaker 2 30:24

I know some people who act like they love themselves when they're in public, but behind the scenes, I know they're not happy, I know they're unfulfilled, and I know and I know that they're not proud of themselves. I know that they're letting themselves off the hook. I know they don't like their physique. I know that they feel trapped and unhappy, and I have compassion for that. But I also know that those very same people didn't have the humility to go get a coach or to go get a therapist or to listen to this podcast, and so, at the end of the day, it's an inner game and, yes, it's also an outer game, because you have to serve something greater than yourself, because I think that's also a part of our calling. Because you have to serve something greater than yourself, because I think that's also a part of our calling.

Speaker 2 31:12

I really do believe it comes to growth, impact and quality of life. I think it comes down to a tree grows as tall as it can. I feel like human beings are usually only feel worthy when they are in alignment with their own unique potential and their own unique contribution. I do believe that to be true. That's what's been true for me, that is what's been true in my clients, and I always ask this question to all my clients clients out there listening. You know this when were you the most fulfilledA? We need to look into your past and figure out what was different back when you were fulfilled. And I'll tell you what I never hear. Well, I was just hanging out enjoying myself.

Speaker 1 31:59

Yeah Well is fulfillment connected to worthiness for you in your perspective.

Feeling momentum towards meaning

Speaker 2 32:03

Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah, I mean, I think fulfillment is really just a feeling of worthiness. You know, in a way it's when you're fulfilled. I always say it's the soul's recognition of alignment with your highest calling. But that sounds fortune cookie. When you're fulfilled, you feel worth it, you feel valuable. Yeah, you feel of value to others and to yourself and to the world and to this, I think it's momentum.

Speaker 1 32:34

Yeah, I think that's like. I think a huge piece of worthiness is feeling momentum towards something. Yeah, it's something meaningful. Something meaningful, it's something like you know, you know whether or not you did it today. You know, I know I don't feel super worthy on Sundays when I'm hanging out doing nothing. I feel pleasure, I feel R&R, for sure, but I feel more worthiness on days. I don't want to be here right now doing this podcast. I love life. I'm not saying that.

Speaker 2 33:09

I don't want.

Speaker 1 33:09

I'm I am so tired and I am so hungry. And when Alan and I started, it was like I don't want to. I really don't want to do this today. I really don't, I just don't. I just got to get in the flow. I don't feel it's just feels like it's so hard to get going. And then once we started, it was like all right, cool. But I'm going to be very, very proud of myself and I feel very, very worthy because I'm doing the thing that I don't really want to do Again. I love podcasting and I'm grateful I get to do this, but some days you just don't want to do it. Some days I just I didn't want to go to the gym. Today I dragged my ass to the gym. I was like, oh man.

Speaker 2 33:44

But you're glad you went.

Speaker 1 33:46

I'm glad I went and, again, I love Monday. I'm not saying I don't love it. It has nothing to do with the fact that it's a Monday when we're recording this episode, but there's something to that. I'm okay. I guess this is kind of my perspective.

Speaker 1 33:57

When you are struggling more than you've ever struggled kind of going back to what we talked about with affirmations I think sometimes you do have to adjust your perception of yourself to build momentum. Maybe the first thing you do is not adjust your behavior. I'm okay with if you're the lowest you've ever been. I think you need to inject yourself with worthiness To get to a place where you feel like you deserve to pour into some level of effort, and that reinvigorates it. There's something to that. Again, this is just my perspective from what I've seen, what I've experienced.

Speaker 1 34:32

I'm not saying this is the truth, that's not what I'm saying, but there's something about you can change your perception to a negative place. Well, I don't need to let me. I'm going to use weight loss, but don't, just don't need to. I'm going to use weight loss, but just don't villainize me for it. Yes, you could say, well, yeah, I weigh more than I did a year ago, but these are the circumstances that might be true 100%, and you can have the same conversation with yourself month after month after month after month, but eventually say you get to a dangerous place with weight.

Speaker 1 35:11

Changing your perception is not going to help you anymore. It's going to hurt you, it's going to hurt you, it's going to hurt your family and it's going to hurt the people you love. That's when it's time to change your behavior. But in the very beginning, if you need to change your perception, so you start doing the positive things that you'll eventually be grateful. You did, I'm all for that. Doing the positive things that you'll eventually be grateful. You did, I'm all for that. But it's not sustainable to be that way.

Speaker 2 35:34

Are you changing your perception to get yourself out of it and make excuses, or are you changing your perception to get back into momentum?

Speaker 1 35:40

That's a good way to put it.

Speaker 2 35:42

Yeah, meaningful momentum, meaningful progress toward meaningful goals for a meaningful purpose, in alignment with your core values and your core beliefs, and whatever the high road is for you. That's the game we're all playing and some of us are just learning how to play it better than others, and it's really important to understand that. Are you changing your perception to make an excuse so that you can stay where you are and be comfortable, or are you changing your perception to go and grow and contribute and be proud of who you are? And ultimately, that's what we all want, right? We all want to be proud of who we are. We all want to be proud of what we've done with this gift of life.

Speaker 2 36:25

I'll go briefly with this, but I had a moment that I it's very scary for me to share, but it's very important for me to share. I've's very important for me to share. I've been on two podcasts lately. I've been on a lot of podcasts lately, but one of the podcasts, two of the different podcasts that I've been on, in particular, I did have a moment of Sadness, and I don't know if I've shared this with you or not yet, kev, but I had a moment of sadness and I'll keep this anonymous always, but this is like really close to the heart for me. I had a moment of sadness where I had this moment. Why? Why is this other person who's trying so hard to succeed in podcasting because, deep down, this is really scary to share. Okay, these other podcasters I'm referring to I'll keep it anonymous are not going to succeed, and I do know that. And the reason why, ultimately, is in the economy, value matters and when you and I have a podcast and we're working as hard as we do on our podcast to add as much value as possible, it's going to be very hard for these other people to keep up with us. I think we're naturally inclined communicators and while we kind of suck a lot, we are statistically on the higher end. Okay, we're doing what we're meant to do in the world.

Speaker 2 37:41

I think these people are putting in so much time and so much effort to try to succeed at the level we succeed, and I had this brain moment. My brain calculated that it is impossible for them to succeed at the level we will succeed. That's like me trying to beat LeBron James at basketball it's never going to happen, no matter how hard I try. And my brain said no chance. My heart said that's so sad, that makes me so sad. I was sad. I had to pull myself out of sadness live.

Speaker 2 38:15

Why, alan, do you get these gifts? Why are you so capable? Why do you get to be so smart? Why does communicating come easy to you and so hard to others? Why do you understand business and why do you succeed at most of the things you try? And why do these other people put in just as much effort as you and they don't win? And I got really sad.

Value matters and taking responsibility

Speaker 2 38:40

I figured out the antidote to my sadness, I think, and it's taking responsibility. I had a moment, live on these shows, where it was like I have a responsibility to use my gifts to serve the world at a greater level and that's the way I earn my worthiness, because otherwise it was just given for. For those of you out there who do feel gifted, why do you deserve that? Like, think about it.

Speaker 2 39:13

I've always felt very gifted and I don't now, statistically speaking, like upbringing wise. No, no, I was very blessed to have two main things I was in a country that believed in equal opportunity and I got financial aid to go to college, and that changed my life, and I thank you so much because I didn't. Technically, I mean, I earned it because I got really good grades, but luckily my country believed in me. Okay, and I'm not necessarily pro-US type of thing, I just I'm really grateful that Massachusetts believes in equal opportunity and I had the privilege to go to college when most kids in my circumstances couldn't go. Okay, that's number one. Number two I was gifted with this big brain, big, beautiful brain. Those were my two advantages and through therapy and working on myself and self, that's pretty much it, to be honest. Uh, which is also a whole nother conversation.

Speaker 2 40:09

But the point is is these podcasters that I'm referring to do not have those two things. They are not well-educated and they do not have the brain capabilities that I have. And that made me so sad and I realized that in that sadness I decided I am going to take responsibility to maximize the good I can do in this world, because that's how I earn my worthiness on this earth. And I do believe that all of us, to some extent, can make that decision, and I think it's how you be fulfilled. I think that's how I can be fulfilled Because when I was a kid, I used to wonder why do I get to be good at stuff, like why am I so much better than other people at stuff I don't understand? Almost like I was sad for them more than happy for me. And now I realize that that sadness after 26, when I got the second chance my dad never got.

Speaker 2 41:03

I decided to take that sadness and transform it into helping the world build a bigger, better, brighter future, helping those very podcasters that I'm referring to and many others do the best they can do. I can help you. I have tools you don't have. I was given gifts you weren't given from whatever nature. I can leverage those and I can help people with those, those gifts. And so for me, that's the only way I've ever been able to feel worthy is take responsibility for the greatest possible Good that I can do on this planet and just go go baby. And that's what I do, and that's what we've been doing for seven years, and we've been doing it in a some ways very well, in other ways pretty terribly. But I think that that's where worthiness really is germinated, for lack of a better phrase germinated.

Speaker 1 41:53

Yeah, I've never heard you say that before I do believe that's where worthiness comes yeah, yeah, no, it's fair, I just never doing the greatest good.

Speaker 2 42:02

I've just never heard you say germinated before.

Speaker 1 42:03

I think it was very well said. It just germinated, threw me off. I wasn't ready for that thank you, brother you're welcome.

Speaker 1 42:08

You're welcome. It's uh, yeah, it's a hard thing to talk about. It's a very hard thing to talk about. I know that the more I work on me and the more I ultimately try to be a better me, I feel more worthy. But I also understand that I've always I feel like I've always had a pretty weird relationship with this. I don't the reason I'm not more successful is because I'm not good enough relationship with this. I don't the reason I'm not more successful is because I'm not good enough. That's not intrinsically intrinsic. I'm a wonderful human soul and I love people and I would literally give you the shirt off my back real quick.

Speaker 2 42:39

When you say not good enough, I don't think it translates. I'm not.

Speaker 1 42:43

I'm not valuable enough in the departments that I need the value to be in. I'm not a. I'm not a good enough speaker. I'm not a good enough business owner. I'm not good enough at making money and spending less money. When I say good enough, I'm not competent enough. I do not possess yet the skills necessary to acquire and sustain a level of results that I aspire for.

Speaker 2 43:08

Intrinsically you are good enough, but extrinsically, in the external world, you need to develop.

Speaker 1 43:16

I'm not capable of yeah, of creating those results. Yet, yeah it's, I'm not. If it was, if there, if it was a, a masterpiece that I had to paint, I just don't know how to paint it yet. I'm not saying that if, if it got painted, I wouldn't feel comfortable hanging in my home. I just don't know how to do it. Yet I'm not there. There's a lot of skills that I need to, because if that wasn't the truth, then anybody could do it. That's the end. That's the entrance fee for achievement is knowing how to do the thing and then sticking it out long enough. What does michael burt say? Long?

Speaker 2 43:50

yeah long obedience in one direction, with improvement.

Entrance fee for achievement

Speaker 2 43:54

At the core is how great like great people accomplish great things and some of them, believe it or not, don't feel worthy until way later, and that's a paradox. But how do you get worthiness along the way and fulfillment along the way but still achieve great things? And I think that most achievements are born out of unworthiness that then develops into drive and then that drive eventually creates. If it's in alignment with self-awareness, I think it creates fulfillment and worthiness. So I'm really grateful that you're as honest with this as most, because a lot of people really well, Kev, you're already some people are sitting there like you're good enough, You're a good enough business owner.

Speaker 1 44:41

No you're not for your goals. I'm exactly good enough for the results I have currently. That's all and that's okay. I don't. There's zero piece of me that is offended by that. It just is what it is, just like. This is the truth. Before my relationship with Taryn, I wasn't as good of a partner as I needed to be to sustain and grow an amazing relationship. That's all it is. And now I'm really good, but I'm not as good as I need to be. I'm not as good as I need to be. I'm just. This is where I am in the journey and this is the results I have. It's just again. I don't know. I have a firm belief that you deserve what you work for. I've always believed that I'm a bodybuilder at heart. I don't believe you deserve to be in better shape than I do unless you work harder than I do. I have been ripping on Alan all day in a loving way.

Speaker 1 45:31

I keep telling him brother, you're screwed If we weigh in on the same day. I'm going to look better than you Do. You want to know why? Because I know I'm suffering more than you are.

Speaker 2 45:37

I deserve it more than you do and I didn't argue it.

Speaker 1 45:39

I know.

Speaker 2 45:40

I didn't argue it.

Speaker 1 45:40

But that's just an example of it's perfect. I deserve it more than.

Speaker 2 45:46

Alan does Yep than alan does yep than alan does I. It's an empowering belief. I think so real quick. I'm I'm currently good enough to run an average of 730 average mile time during a 5k in the summer. That is the truth. Yes, that is my current worthiness. I am currently worthy of getting. I am currently worthy of getting 24-minute 5K complete in a summer, humid day. That is my current worthiness. Why? Because I earned. The person who won the 5K is currently worthy of a 15-minute 5K.

Speaker 1 46:24

They're worthy of being a superhuman is what they're worth.

Speaker 2 46:26

Yeah exactly, and who worked harder at running me or that guy?

Speaker 2 46:29

That guy A hundred percent, and if they stepped on the podcast microphone, we would know the difference too. And that's okay and that's okay. So it's a choice. And I I, kevin and I we came from you know some challenging beginnings without dads and we have had to earn our keep from the get. There was no trust fund, there was no safety net, there was no parents going to take care of us, type of thing, so we had to learn how to survive and thrive, and I think that that's why these episodes always feel so hardcore to us.

Speaker 1 47:00

You have a trust fund. I've actually been siphoning money from it slowly. Nobody knows, but me. No, I don't.

Speaker 2 47:06

I'm the first Lazarus who's non-Greek ever brother, no trust funds over here. My father passed away, my stepdad left at 14, and I went. I am screwed if I don't figure this thing out.

Speaker 1 47:18

Probably one of the best things ever for us is not having trust funds for sure Agreed.

Speaker 1 47:23

I would say that would have thrown this whole. I'd be partying hard and you'd feel super worthy. The hard part is this is the kind of effed up piece of the whole thing. Unfortunately, people tend to listen to the people who have the most results. So there's people out there right now who have millions of followers and millions of dollars or whatever it is, and they they might tell you that they feel worthy for x reason and that might not be. They might be lying. They might. They might not even know what feel worthy for X reason and that might not be. They might be lying.

Speaker 2 47:52

They might be. They might not even know what it feels like to really feel yeah, Having earned it themselves.

Speaker 1 47:56

This is like a whole nother episode. We've done this a million times. For some reason, I'm holding two pens at the same time. I'm like just grabbing shit off the desk cause I'm fired up. You know how many people on social everything you you don't think they'd lie about being fulfilled. They lie. There are people lying about everything. There's people that vote, there is fitness models that sell programs on how to lose weight, that photoshop their pictures. You don't think they'd lie about being fulfilled. They already are. Because they're not fulfilled? Because if they were fulfilled, they wouldn't be editing, they wouldn't be photoshopping their bodies. They were already lying. So again, this fires me up.

Speaker 2 48:33

I I love it.

Speaker 1 48:34

This this is the thing that bugs me the most, because I love it even. I say this and we gotta go because I this just might be a four hour podcast episode. I even say this when I go on other podcasts. Please filter everything I say through your own filter and your own experiences. I'm not claiming to have the answers. I know my experiences and I know what's worked for me and I know what's worked for people I've worked with. But just don't assume everything I say is a fact Because, honestly, most of it isn't. Most of what I say is an opinion, it's based on data. But just don't assume I have the answers to everything.

Speaker 2 49:08

But don't assume it's all off either. Well, I can't say that your perspective might be more valuable than someone else's. I don't want you to discredit yourself, but I also appreciate the fact that you have the humility to actually say that, because it is a perspective. It's a perspective and it's certainly better than when you were 30, but not as good as when you're 40. And hopefully we're all getting wiser. So, yeah, this is fire man. Appreciate it.

Speaker 1 49:31

Yeah, 50 minute episode. We haven't done one of these in a minute. How are your? Uh, let me do the post-game interview. Uh, ellen, you really left it all out there on the court 37 points. How do you feel, brother, I?

Speaker 2 49:44

would say I think we played pretty good you know, I think this is the mark.

Speaker 1 49:49

This is the mark of a good uh reporter. They're like yeah, I think we played pretty good. You know, I think this is the mark, this is the mark of a good uh reporter.

Speaker 2 49:53

They're like, yeah, I think we played pretty good. You know, gave 110 and uh, you know, I think we played pretty good tonight.

Speaker 1 50:00

So hell yeah, all right back to you, jim. All right, things are getting weird, if you have not yet maybe this will be our new tagline. It'll be like self-improvement. You know what that was from, by the way.

Speaker 2 50:15

Some people listening will. No, it's from.

Speaker 1 50:18

Bedazzled, never seen it. Oh man, huge crush on Elizabeth Hurley. Just never saw it. Elizabeth Hurley was in that right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 50:26

Bedazzled, had some funny moments. Brendan Fraser yeah, yeah, yeah, funny moments.

Speaker 1 50:31

Brendan Fraser had a huge fall Not a fall from grace, for some reason. People hated him and then he came back and he took the world by storm. As long as he's a good person, good for him, so shout out to maybe Brendan Fraser.

Speaker 2 50:43

Bedazzled might be a guilty pleasure for you. It was. I think it's funny Highly unlikely. I think it's funny Highly unlikely. I think it's funny Highly unlikely. And there's some cool moral lessons in it, that's all I'm saying and that's For that reason.

Speaker 1 50:53

I know it's not going to be a guilty pleasure for me.

Speaker 2 50:56

I'm just saying there's some funny parts, my guilty pleasures.

Evolved perspective

Speaker 1 50:58

Usually don't have A silver lining of you know Whatever it is you're trying to get at All good movies have a silver lining of a theme that's uh, some scarface. What is that? What's that about?

Speaker 2 51:13

uh the power.

Speaker 1 51:15

Warning of power and excess yeah, but I mean I like it because of the blood and and guts and cocaine I enjoy.

Speaker 2 51:27

I enjoy that movie because of that, not necessarily because of the you.

Speaker 1 51:29

You watch movies for the takeaway. I watch movies for the movie.

Speaker 2 51:34

For the entertainment.

Speaker 1 51:35

Yeah, I'm there to be entertained For me it's the lesson, it's the life lesson.

Speaker 1 51:38

And when I said cocaine, I'm not saying I do cocaine. I'm not talking about me, I'm talking about the movie Never. You know what I mean. I don't want looking to get a little bit better every single day. I know again, it's easy to wake up and say you know what? I'm just going to take it easy today. I don't need to get better today. What's one day you never know? You might learn one thing, one lesson that changes your life. Hopefully it'll be from us, but it could be from another podcast, but hopefully it'll be from this one. So subscribe, whether you're watching or listening, on whatever platform that is, and you'll never miss an opportunity to get to the next level.

Speaker 2 52:16

If you're out there, you want to start a podcast, reach out to Kev kevin at nextleveluniversecom. Will be in the show notes. If you want to start a business, reach out to my email. Will be in the show notes.

Speaker 1 52:29

As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2 52:38

Talk to you soon.