#1778 - Sometimes Triggers Are A Reminder Of Progress

Have you ever felt insecure discussing a topic you’re not an expert in? In this episode, Kevin and Alan discuss a personal experience highlighting the importance of recognizing triggers as signs of progress. They recount a recent podcast appearance together, which brought up old insecurities and challenges from their early days. This candid discussion provides valuable insights into handling insecurities, ego, and energy dynamics in professional and personal relationships.

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Show notes:
(2:21) Reflections on a recent podcast appearance together
(4:56) Ego reaction and authenticity
(8:32) Perspective on energy and intensity
(10:36) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://bit.ly/4bKaSdl
(11:48) Team dynamics and responsibilities
(14:32) Preparation, performance, and partnership
(16:42) The importance of syncing energies
(18:35) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,778, sometimes triggers are a reminder of progress. So Alan and I had an interesting experience last week. I think it was on Wednesday or Thursday on Wednesday or Thursday. So at this point, together, alan and I have probably done I don't know well over 2,000 podcast episodes, speeches, trainings, team trainings, group coaching sessions, coaching calls together. Right, we're over 2,000 for sure. Yeah, definitely 15 groups of group coaching. Well, 14 groups times six, that's what 84. So we're definitely over.

Speaker 1 0:49

And we haven't gone on a podcast together other than this one NLU in years, probably at least two years, if not three. Yeah, so we went on a podcast together and there was two co-hosts and there was there was alan myself and I texted alan after and I said strange life, huh, and I think he just gave me like a haha or something. But we both knew that we were going to end up talking about how weird it was for us to do this together and my takeaway and my thesis was dude, I don't, it's really hard for us to do this together. And my takeaway and my thesis was dude. I don't. It's really hard for me to do podcasts with other people with you because I always know you're kind of judging my answers Not in a bad way. But this podcast is about branding. Like I'm not the branding guy. If this podcast was purely about podcasts I feel like I would have felt really comfortable. But it was about branding and that's just not my jam. I'm not a branding. You know I don't consider myself a branding expert and I know you don't really either, but you know a lot about it.

Reflections on a recent podcast appearance together

Speaker 1 1:56

So we had a little debrief later in the week and we were talking about how I was triggered. For sure, it brought me back to the old not good enough, not smart enough, overlooked underdog. And again, I don't have to be the center of attention. I don't have to be the guy on the interview. I don't care about that. A lot of the times on the team calls I am not the guy. Alan is the guy, alan is the leader, alan is the one who is facilitating the conversation. On group coaching, I'm co-coach, alan's head coach, amy's assistant coach. So I don't have to be the guy. But it was just a weird, weird, weird reflection of oh, my goodness, it's way harder to do podcast episodes with you than it is on my own, because it triggers little Kev.

Speaker 2 2:43

Do you think that because you are the podcast guy and it was a podcast?

Speaker 1 2:49

that was part of it. I think that's probably probably a piece of it. What I told alan is on our platform and it's it's even hard to explain. My assumption is, you know, that alan is the smart one and Kevin is the funny, philosophical one. But like funnily philosophical. If I was going to make my own podcast right now based on what I know, that's what it would be called Funny philosophy. That's what I would name it, because that's kind of who I am. But on other platforms people don't necessarily know the dynamic. You know what I mean? They don't really know it. You know what I mean? They don't really know. It's like the genius and the funny guy. That's kind of that's kind of our, that's kind of our thing. So yeah, I think that's a piece of it for me the.

Speaker 2 3:37

The other thing that I think you you tell a story about how me and Eddie were talking business and you got insecure. Is that the same feeling?

Speaker 1 3:50

I think there's pieces of it.

Speaker 2 3:52

Yeah, I think there's pieces of it, because you told me I wanted to perform, but I didn't want to not be me. I didn't want to ego up, yeah. I think that when we're backed up against a corner and we're in over our head in anything and it's not even like you're in over your head, but maybe a little with branding. Honestly, in hindsight, I don't know. I was insecure.

Speaker 1 4:13

I was in. I think it's just when you're insecure, your ego tries to protect you. And there's two things you either shell up and say nothing, or you take, you try to take the conversation and show like I, I have value too, you know. And then you might ego up. I was trying to live somewhere in the middle and I told Alan. I said I think I had more ego than I wanted. I don't know if anybody, any other human on the planet, would recognize it, I don't know. But I had a moment where I was like, ah, this isn't, I'm not being the normal, I'm not 100% authentic. I'm being the normal. I'm not a hundred percent authentic, I'm not a hundred percent kev right now, what were you?

Speaker 1 4:49

what?

Speaker 2 4:49

percentage. I was yeah, I was gonna say it wasn't huge no, no, I think as we've matured.

Ego reaction and authenticity

Speaker 2 4:53

We talked about this on yesterday's episode. You still ego up, you just don't. It's a smaller percent error. So we were talking about how, when we listen to old episodes, when we go back to the hundreds, it's brutal for us because we sense a lot of ego and inauthenticity, which I think is an overcompensation for some sort of insecurity. My insecurity, I think, is being afraid of showing too much, maybe too much unrelatable, not going to be liked. I think. Your insecurity is am I going to be smart enough or good enough or whatever? And either way we both feel insecure and either way we both have an ego reaction to that.

Speaker 1 5:33

I think the percent of ego has gotten way smaller, though and I would say this good, I was gonna say what is your ego reaction to being too much? Was gonna say what is your ego reaction to being too much?

Speaker 2 5:48

because I feel like it's not be less. I think it's like be more. Yeah, it's. Sometimes it's be less. A lot of times is it less. You just might not even notice it, but then if I have to perform. So this is why it was hard for me to watch the next level live speech. I did a good job, but there's a lot of people in the room that I can sense their discomfort, and when other people are uncomfortable and insecure, I get insecure about not being liked. And then I either go docile and dim or I what I call achilles up, I I ego up and I egoed up, because when you're performing you can't just go docile. Remember that high school speech where I went up and you went down and you just kind of sat up against the whiteboard and just because you were triggered and that's the other piece of this too when it's both of us if I'm egoing up, you almost have to settle in down in order to. We can't both be at that intensity.

Speaker 2 6:45

But here's the thing that I think I've found really challenging is my intensity actually is is at that level. So I'm always dialing my intensity down, but no one knows it. So I'm trying to figure out how to do this, but I would say 90% of the time I'm actually dialing down my intensity, not dialing it up. It's just less than it used to be, and so to you it'll feel like so. For example, let's use that four-person interview, and this is the first time we ever did a four-person interview since of all ventures back in.

Speaker 2 7:20

Yeah, three years ago, four years ago and so, and back then it was called the why Power podcast, but I knew it would be interesting. It seemed like I was probably over. I would say less than most people would think. I feel like that's actually more of the real me, with a little more funnies. I was playful, I was actually laughing authentically because I actually thought a lot of the stuff that you and him said were really funny. But I would say that's my normal, my actual intensity and energy, and this goes back to what you and I used to talk about or have talked about, the set point.

Perspective on energy and intensity

Speaker 2 8:01

Dude, emilia and I, when we woke up this morning I mean right now I'm settled in, I'm kind of tired, I've got a whole day ahead of me, so I'm conserving my energy, but we were singing and dancing this morning, like I'm always on, almost always, and so I'm usually dialing it down for other people because they have an energetic set point that's much lower. Yeah, and that's one of the reasons why I think a lot of people I have one client in particular, his name's Cole, and he said I don't understand how you operate the way that you do, and I've tried to explain that. I don't know. It's almost like everybody has their own energetic set point. So yours is lower than mine.

Speaker 2 8:40

I know that Because when we travel together you're always the one who wants to hang more than me. You're the lower energy human and that's fine. But a lot of times what I've come to understand is that if I'm high energy and it triggers someone else's insecurity and I can feel their insecurity I'll purposely dial down my energy. Or if I have to perform, I'll actually dial it too far up and I'll increase my intensity to keep them at arm's length. And I'm starting to understand that vulnerability for me is actually just sitting in the empowered energy, even if it is too much.

Speaker 1 9:17

In fairness, though, yes, you have higher energy than I do, but, hypothetically, when we travel, you get to nap and I drive. That's fair, that's true. And you usually sleep more than I do, and I usually get up before you. That's true, that's very true. More than I do, and I usually get up before you, that's true, that's very true. Now, again, I think you still are higher energy.

Speaker 2 9:32

Yeah, no, that's a factor, that's a factor, 100% On the trip.

Speaker 1 9:35

I realize that you're higher energy, so I just do things that I don't want you to have to do.

Speaker 2 9:41

I think that's one of the reasons I drive. That's the team mentality. It's mentality. It's almost like you're putting the team on your back and I like driving, but in this instance but that's also a piece of it too is I. I remember you said you haven't, you didn't get sick for nine years, and how weird that is, and I've been wondering a lot as to why that is, and and I want to make this valuable for the listeners, so I don't want it to just be about us, but what if that's because of the compound effect of always making sure I do get enough sleep, always making sure I do hydrate enough and all that kind of stuff?

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Speaker 2 10:14

and yeah, I think it is and then what if that, what if that? Becoming more and taking really good care of yourself, what if that? Actually, I tell this story often about a kid. When I was back in college I went to a party and his name was matt and I was so intimidated but also inspired. He was attractive, he was the life of the party was funny. He seemed like a good dude, he was charismatic, he was well, he had a wealthy family, at least compared to mine and he just had it all. He had a beautiful girlfriend, he had tons of friends he just had. He was just the man and he was jacked out of his mind, at least for back then it was ridiculous and I remember thinking that is an empowered energy and I think a lot of people are insecure around an empowered energy, just in general.

Speaker 1 11:02

That's been Well, because they don't know whether it's empowered or arrogant.

Speaker 2 11:05

I know. Going back to what we talked about yesterday and I think ironically, my fear of it being seen as arrogant actually makes it come off more arrogant. That's been what I've come to at 35. And I'm still trying to figure all this out.

Speaker 1 11:17

but Well, it's like if you what's a good example? Like if you're insecure about something and then you make a joke about it, but it highlights the fact that you're insecure Not you, just anybody Then it's almost like I don't know. I feel like that joke was out of insecurity and not confidence. I don't have a good example. I know you're probably going to ask for a good example. I don't have one necessarily.

Team dynamics and responsibilities

Speaker 1 11:39

The other thing and we've got to go in a couple minutes but the other thing that really and again, alan and I have had these conversations behind the scenes. It's not like I'm calling him out live, I am, but not really. I said it kind of felt like the old days where you and I would have an interview, like a really big interview interview. I would get to the studio like three hours early. I'd make sure the camera was good, the lights were good, our seats were good, everything was ready, the links were sent out, and then you'd roll in one minute before and be like yo, what's good, man? And I would always be so pissed off because I would feel like I was shouldering the cognitive load of making sure that the interview got done. Yeah, I saw that you sent them an email.

Speaker 2 12:19

Before too, I did see that of course, yeah like I had to get the link, so you have to overcome that too just to get I think there's.

Speaker 1 12:27

That's. The thing is like yeah, there's so many things going on. I showed up two minutes early. Alan, I think was six minutes late, yeah, and then just from there, and alan had a important coaching call before it's not like he was twiddling his thumbs. Yeah, thank you, you're very welcome. Like he was twiddling his thumbs? Yeah, thank you, you're very welcome. Or he was twiddling his thumbs.

Speaker 2 12:42

Either one, I don't know by myself just buying my time so that you're in a disempowered energy. I would never do that, dude.

Speaker 1 12:49

No, no Trust me, but I think that's a really good example of contrast. If you roll in empowered, just got off an awesome coaching call, I'm living my purpose and I'm literally holding space, having small talk with people. I don't know until you get in the room and then you come in super empowered. It really is. It's really really hard to. I almost feel like I do have to step back a little bit because I don't want to overwhelm the people or the audience, and I'm sure if I show up with a really low energy, you feel like you have to go very, very high to make sure that we don't lose credibility.

Speaker 1 13:23

And I think that's kind of our journey over the last seven years, I know, and we finally get it.

Speaker 2 13:28

I'm starting to actually get this, because when someone's in an empowered energy and you're not, you have to try to match it and you can't match it authentically sometimes. Sometimes I just sometimes. Sometimes I just tell you I can't, I can't play at that right now I I need to just be.

Speaker 1 13:44

It needs to be okay that I'm down. We've had tara and I have had a conversation. When I return home from travel I we don't spend almost any time together immediately, my energy from travel is so much different than hers. From being home, I'll literally go in the living room and watch TV for like half the day.

Speaker 2 14:01

Are you up and she's down, or the?

Speaker 1 14:02

opposite. It's just a energetic like. The energy is very calm when I'm not here, because when I'm here it's just there's mayhem. I'm running to the bathroom in between calls filling up my water, blah, blah, blah, blah blah hey babe, I love you, give me a kiss. When I'm not here, she has full reign to just move about the cabin, for lack of better phrasing. So when I get back I'm always overwhelmed, just like cognitively.

Preparation, performance, and partnership

Speaker 1 14:30

It's like so much happened when I was away and she's very calm, so we've learned because she'll say like your energy is so much for me right now. So now we kind of plan on not having the first half of the day together, when I no matter when I get home seven in the morning, midnight.

Speaker 2 14:45

The energetics of this. I know we got to jump.

Speaker 2 14:47

That is something that has not has alarmingly not been on my radar in my life. I wish that it was more. I think it was unconsciously, but I'm going to be very conscious of the very first session of group coaching. There's six of them. The first session is the hardest for me, and it's not the hardest for me because I'm afraid of speaking or adding value. It's the hardest for me because I'm afraid to be all of me. It's a lot of energies that need to sync and match in order to and we used to just jump right into teaching Worst idea ever. Now we actually lessons were learned.

Speaker 2 15:22

It's it's get get to know your goals, get to know your group, get to know your guides, and it's much better now. But I think this whenever you enter a room, just remember you are mirroring and matching and trying to get in sync with the energies in the room and in the room, and I think just making the awareness on that is already going to be really helpful. For anyone who hasn't considered this yet Cause I didn't start considering this until Emilio a couple of years ago- Well, it does sound wonky.

Speaker 1 15:51

It's one of those things that sounds really. It's like what do you, what do you mean? The energies are different when you get home. It's like they just are. I don't. I don't know how to explain it.

Speaker 2 15:59

You're in different places, you're not on the same wavelength, you're not on the same page. Frequency, yeah, frequency, yeah, exactly. Alright, we're gonna go, you dig it. Yeah, man, I think even right now and today we were working on getting in the same frequency on this podcast and you can tell when we're not on the same frequency too well, it's really hard.

Speaker 1 16:19

So it's saturday, we're recording this. Usually we have time to connect. It's nine, we we started at 9 30 and it's like, okay, we got to do an episode. I can't catch up, we can't talk, I don't care, I can't and I have to make sure this gets produced the way it's supposed to right. But, yeah, you'll, you'll notice that we're not. We're talking over each other, probably more than usual, and yeah, it's a frequency thing.

The importance of syncing energies

Speaker 1 16:39

Okay, speaking of frequency, if you frequently are trying to get to the next level, make sure you subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an opportunity to do so, whether you're watching on YouTube or listening to us on a podcast platform. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we turn to fans. We