Next Level University

#1783 - Don’t Get Stuck In The Doom Loop…

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Are you stuck in a cycle of doubt and inaction? In this episode, Alan and Kevin dive into the “doom loop” and share transformative strategies to break free and build a life of confidence and continuous growth. From personal stories to professional coaching insights, this episode offers valuable advice on staying motivated and achieving your goals. Join us as we explore how to turn your struggles into strengths and keep progressing on your journey to success!

Links mentioned:
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Alan’s Coaching: Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:26) Success loop concept
(4:09) Doom loop in relationships
(7:19) Clarity, certainty, and confidence
(10:06) Overcoming doom loop, growth opportunities, and therapy
(14:27) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
(17:40) Feel stuck in the doom loop?
(20:11

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1783, don't get stuck in the doom loop. You're probably thinking to yourself what is the doom loop? And it is a dumb version of the confidence conundrum that Alan created. I mostly created, I think, the confidence conundrum. Again, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1

Confidence is one of those weird things where it kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where, if you don't have it, you don't do the things required to build it, and then you get stuck in the doom loop. I'm going to let Alan explain it, because it's his creation, even though it was pirated from me, even though I most likely learned most of what I put into the confidence conundrum from Alan. So technically I stole it from him. So who even knows what's what anymore? Excellent opening. Thank you so much, strong work.

Speaker 2

Thank you so much. I was on with a client earlier and I said, give me an example of something you were awesome at, and he said street hockey. I was like, oh cool, street hockey. Yeah, he said street hockey. Nice, I know it's been a long time since I've played some good street hockey. I've never played street hockey. Seriously. The Mighty Ducks, son. Remember the Mighty Ducks were on ice, weren't they? No, but they played street hockey. Never seen it.

Speaker 1

Seriously, yeah, and I've heard of it. I don't think I've ever seen it or I've seen every. There's a chance that I've seen every movie you've ever said. I just have completely forgotten about it.

Speaker 2

I'm surprised on the Mighty Ducks.

Speaker 1

That's a 90s kids. I went, I am telling you right now, I was watching child's play. I was watching chucky the chucky doll when I was a child. No, I remember having dreams of him chasing me down my hallway when I was like six years old.

Success loop concept

Speaker 2

I am not kidding I just stopped moving this mic, moved it like eight times. Now it's okay. Nah, man, I gotta get over that habit. Okay, so I'm talking to a client and he said street hockey. I was like awesome, okay, cool, zero to 10, how confident are you in street hockey? He's like dude, probably nine or 10. Awesome, I said, okay, more confidence leads to more action. More action leads to more results, and then more results bring more confidence. That is the confidence loop, that is the success loop.

Speaker 2

My job is to keep people in the success loop. The doom loop is the opposite. I was just on with a couple earlier today. Emilia and I do relationship talks coaching. We've been coaching couples for three and a half years now. It's wild, and what I'm looking for is to make sure they're not in the doom loop. And the doom loop is this and we've all been here I've been here in the past not with Emilia, fortunately, but I've been here in the past you have less, a little less confidence in the relationship.

Speaker 2

Something shakes you. Maybe there's an emotional cheating, or maybe there's something going on, or maybe you get caught in a lie or someone else. You know your partner lies to you about something. Okay, you get a little less confidence in that person or in the relationship, then you get a little less investment, a little less effort, a little less action, which then brings a little less results. It starts working just a little less effort, little less action, which then brings a little less results. It starts working just a little less, which then makes what? Even less confidence, which a little. Even less investment. Even less action, even even less working on the relationship, which makes what? Less results.

Doom loop in relationships

Speaker 2

Doom loop. Got to get out of the doom loop. If you want a relationship to succeed, you've got to stay in the success loop and that's why vulnerability, humility, courage is so important. Because the moment that you lose confidence in yourself or in the relationship, you're going to start down the wrong path. You're going to stop investing. Half the reason why self-improvement and these books and these podcasts and relationship talks, coaching or therapy, half the reason why people go to these resources, is because they want to get out of the doom loop. They need someone else to come in and help them. It's like. It's like every single person out there listening or watching. Think about a time watching, wow. Think about a time it's late. Think about a time time.

Speaker 2

It's not that late, son, it's think about a time when you had a health issue and you had no idea what was going on right now.

Speaker 1

You didn't understand what do you mean? Back of my legs, man? I don't know what's going on my the back of my knees. I can't like squat down. It's weird. Okay, let's use.

Speaker 2

Kev as an example. Your back of your knees. What's going on?

Speaker 1

I think it's my pop, popliteus, popliteus. There's muscles in the back of your knees. Yeah, it's weird. There's muscles in the back of your knees that are responsible for like there's people out there that are listening right now that obviously know I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about. They're responsible, I think, for external rotation of your knees or something, and you can get like sprains, I guess I don't know. Both of the back of my knees are jeffed. It can be overuse, it can be tight calves. It can be a lot of different things. Weak muscles, any of that.

Speaker 2

What did you do? Okay, so you have less confidence in your ability to do leg day now right, 100% yeah, okay. And less confidence. To do leg day means less likelihood you actually take action and go to the gym for leg day.

Speaker 1

It's definitely down.

Speaker 2

Yeah, okay, it's down All right, which brings what Less results, which gives you even less confidence. So how do we get you out of the doom loop and put you back into the success loop? How have you gained certainty or clarity or confidence about your knees?

Speaker 1

Well, we talked about this a little bit in an episode. I got to the point where I said, honestly, I'm just going to go to the gym and see what happens. Let me just go to the gym and see what happens. That was my first, that was my initial thing. I'm just going to go to the gym. Didn't you watch research? Well yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but we're well past that. I've exhausted AthleanX and Squat University.

Speaker 2

I need to go see somebody is probably what I need.

Speaker 1

I probably need to go to a physical therapist slash massage therapist.

Speaker 2

Agreed, so you tried YouTube, yeah, and you didn't get the certainty you needed.

Speaker 1

I got some certainty, tried the stuff and it was like eh, I don't think I think I'm past this point.

Speaker 2

Excuse me, that's what business I know.

Clarity, certainty, and confidence

Speaker 2

I don't know, I had to burp Our podcast, our business, our career. It's built around how do we help other people on the other end of this microphone gain the clarity and certainty and confidence that they need to stay in the success loop? If you're struggling with consistency, okay, let's do an episode on why and how to get back into consistency. Okay, if you're struggling with self-awareness, okay, how do you get more self-aware? So for you, you went to YouTube. You've tried all these different things, you've done your research. Now it's time to go to the next level, which is a physical therapist, and a physical therapist it costs more money. So the more that someone helps you regain the ability to get back in the success loop, the more it costs.

Speaker 2

Usually, I had someone reach out to me today. I'm very, very grateful. They said hey, alan, can I get a coaching call? And even this couple that we just worked with super awesome loved that. They are trying to get back in the success loop. We are the fourth counselor, we're coaches, but they had three other couples therapists that they really didn't resonate with and they were super pumped to be on with us and they really vibed with us, and so I'm really excited about this. But really, what we're trying to do is help them identify the root cause of their challenges so that they can get back into momentum, so they can get back into the success loop.

Speaker 2

You go to a physical therapist. You get clarity, certainty and confidence on what to do, what exercises to do, what exercises not to do, what's the root cause of the issue. And then you get back into momentum and get back into the success loop and out of the doom loop. Right now you're in the doom loop with your legs and if you let that ride for the next 5, 10, 15 years, you're going to lose. I might have bigger legs than you. That's never going to happen. Come on, as long as I have legs.

Speaker 1

They're going to be bigger than yours. That I am certain of. Again, I think it's one of those things, though, where it's not going to happen overnight. Whatever it is, you know how it is when you strain a muscle or there's something. You've got some sort of tweak. It's not like the first exercise. Oh my goodness, it's back to normal. I'm good, it's all gravy, we're fine. It's back to normal, I'm good, it's all gravy, we're fine. We're totally fine. I went to physical therapy for my right shoulder for like eight weeks, I think.

Speaker 1

I think I went for eight weeks Still bothering you. Nope, that's all Stronger than ever. It's great.

Speaker 2

It's great. I figured out the root cause of my shoulder and this goes back to getting out of the doom loop. I was sleeping on it wrong. Emily and I switched sides of the bed, dude, and obviously I've been doing mobility as well. So that's helping. It's the mobility plus sleeping on it better. We just switched sides of the bed I I haven't had an issue since my right shoulder was garbage four months ago. Garbage and now and now I don't feel it at all. It's awesome.

Speaker 1

Interesting. Well, I think that sometimes it's not. That's the hard thing with certain things, is it's not the research you do that gives you the answer? Maybe sometimes it highlights it. I'm starting to think that my calves are really tight.

Overcoming doom loop, growth opportunities, and therapy

Speaker 1

My calves Do you foam roll those bad boys. I foam roll, slash lacrosse ball. Them lacrosse ball is brutal but honestly, my I haven't been doing as much mobility straight up. That's probably what it is. The problem now is I can't do it because it hurts tremendously. I can't. There's certain things I can't do because it like dude, I don't know how to explain it it hurts so bad.

Speaker 2

You can start small. You used to be the mobility guy, I know.

Speaker 1

Well.

Speaker 2

You fell off.

Speaker 1

I fell off. Yeah, doom loop, you're in the doom loop, I'm in it. I've become the doom loop. This is the other thing thing and I'm gonna have. I'm gonna have you put this somewhere in the doom loop. Okay, the worthiness of the thing we talked recently about? No, that was completely different. This, that wasn't the worthiness I'm talking about. When you stop doing something, it no longer becomes worth it for you to start it again. That's some shit, right there.

Speaker 2

Can you share with our listeners why you and I are cooked?

Speaker 1

I went on a podcast today. I went on. I don't know, I think I had three. I think I did three podcasts or something, I don't know four. I did a good amount of podcasts.

Speaker 2

Shout out to Laura.

Speaker 1

Shout out to Laura for crushing it. It's super aligned podcasts and the one I did before this was an hour and a half and it was like the deepest. One of the questions I got asked was what percentage of people do you think are net positive for the world, net neutral for the world and net negative for the world? And I was like I've never consciously thought about that ever, and this is all happening in real time. I've never consciously thought about that ever, and this is all happening in real time. I've never, ever, thought of this in my entire life. Let me create, hopefully, what will be a valuable answer that will add value to this audience in real time, and I feel like the answers were all really good. It was just a super deep, super deep conversation. One of the other things he asked me we were talking about therapy and he's like do you find yourself more drawn to female therapists or male therapists?

Speaker 1

and I said female therapists for sure and kind of explained the whole, the whole thing, I said, yeah, my, I have a deep fear of disappointing men, so like I don't think I'm ready for that in therapy yet, and he said don't you think that'd be a really good growth opportunity for you to do it? And I was like you, son of a bitch, you, son of a bitch in a really, really good way.

Speaker 2

She booked uh and again, this is probably tmi, but uh, she booked us on massages and she asked you do you mind? Do you need like, do you prefer a male or a female? Because it's on the questionnaire and I said female and she said why. I was like, well, I mean, I'd prefer that, but what's underneath that? What's underneath that? What's underneath that? Right, we don't got to go down that rabbit hole. But at the end of the day, I also. So carol's a female, my therapist and I. I enjoy her energy a lot I think it's.

Speaker 1

It's more like a vulnerability thing, but even that question, so the answer that I gave him, he dug deeper yeah and don't you? Do you think it's time for? Do you think it'd be good for, like having a male therapist? And I said, well, I'm just getting back into therapy, the thing about my bank account about therapy for me, yeah. And then he said well, is it? Do you think that there? I mean, is there ever really the right time? And it just kept getting deeper and deeper and deeper so it was really it was really good.

Speaker 2

But those are very cognitively what was your answer to the right time thing?

Speaker 1

I said honestly yeah, I think at this point I have a really good understanding of the right time because I have done things way faster than I should have and I've taken away too much time to make decisions. I said I think I'm very accurate on that currently.

Speaker 2

People always say that, especially with kids, cause Emilia and I are going to have children in the future and they always say, well, there's never a right time, and I'm like it was definitely wrong. Yeah, I mean I. I do think that there's a more optimal time and we're working toward that. We've planned for it right and again, anything can happen, but at the end of the day, what was the point of the deep?

Speaker 1

conversation thing. You asked me a question. You said hey, man, tell people why you're fried.

At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.

Speaker 2

And not earning any value and embarrassing us as a business and a brand and a podcast. I got asked earlier today. One of my clients is excuse me.

Speaker 1

You need to pull up the F together. I know I know Might as well. Put that whole microphone in your mouth and just start making noises.

Speaker 2

I just want to apologize to all of our listeners this week. This week's been a week and I feel like we're out here doing it. I'm proud of us for showing up. Anything beyond that, I'm not so sure we're having fun.

Speaker 1

I think we're having fun and again, this is the. This is the stuff, this is. I have this moment today. I'll let you speak in a second. My apologies for interrupting you real quick. I want to do an episode on how you're never done growing, because that see, for a long time I would be afraid to do episodes like this where it's very clear that I'm cognitively taxed, I'm my, I'm struggling, my brain is just on overload and I used to think that can't ever happen. Gotta be crisp, gotta be precise, gotta be close to perfect. Every time, for a long time that ran me. And now like, look, I'm gonna give you everything I got. Just what I have today is gonna be less than what I'm able to give you tomorrow and probably less than what I had yesterday.

Speaker 2

But more than I used to give at 100%.

Speaker 1

Yeah, but it's all you're never done growing. I'm still growing through having a really deep podcast episode and then getting giggly with Alan because I'm in a really good mood based on it.

Speaker 2

I have so many different side tangents, I don't want to go down. I do want to go down, but I shouldn't.

Speaker 2

You're going to try Back to the doom loop. Yes, so for our listeners, what is one area where you feel like you're stuck in the doom loop? You feel like you don't have the confidence or the clarity or the certainty to take action and feel like you don't have the confidence or the clarity or the certainty to take action, and then that action, that lack of action, is actually creating more uncertainty. So where are you in the doom loop? And then the other side of that coin is where are you in momentum?

Speaker 2

I was on with a client earlier I was talking about we added a habit. I always say if you had to improve this system by one percent, what would you change? You can add something, subtract something or shift something he's like. Well, we already shifted this. I said no, I know, but same question. And so he added nlu. I said, listen, I used to not say this, but I've seen it help so many clients I can't authentically not say this. I was afraid to push my content nlu once a day, first thing in the morning. Imagine having your coach in your ear every morning. It would be very beneficial and I've seen a huge uptick.

Speaker 2

The clients that do track NLU as one of their habits, I've noticed they tend to be in momentum more and they tend to get out of the doom loop quicker. And he said well, what's the average episode length? Because if I'm going to do it daily, I need it to be, I need to see what I'm getting myself into. I was like great question and I looked at the last. Probably five or so I think it was 45 was one of them yeah, you'll get what you get 30.

Speaker 2

It was 15. I said anywhere. I said the. The shortest we ever do is 15. Pretty much, I think the shortest was like 12 and the longest we ever do is like 45 at this point, so you're looking at an average of probably 30. Would you say that's fair?

Speaker 1

Yeah, I would say that's fair. I would say you get what you get, because it kind of depends.

Speaker 2

What do you think the average is though?

Speaker 1

I would say the average is probably 30.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Feel stuck in the doom loop?

Speaker 1

But no, no, the average is probably like 38 minutes, because we very rarely do 15s. We're 25 to 45. That's where we're living. I would say 34 minutes is the average, that's your guess. Yeah.

Speaker 2

My guess is 30. Well, now we got to pull up a spreadsheet. I'll lead you to that.

Speaker 1

I know it's late in the evening, at 5 o'clock in the afternoon. I know it's late, but I know it's late in the evening, at 5 o'clock in the afternoon.

Speaker 2

I know it's late, but but my point of that was this podcast is designed to help you stay in the success loop. It's designed to help you stay in momentum.

Speaker 1

Speaking to the episode we did yesterday, keep the Streak Freestyle Friday. Keep the Streak is what we named it. Keep the Streak. It's almost the opposite with this when you the further into the doom loop you get, I think the harder it is to get out, because it's although you're really not digging a deeper hole, because really you're not, it's not like you're going backwards necessarily, you're just not going forward.

Speaker 2

No, that means you are going backwards. You not doing mobility means you're going backwards because you're just not going forward. No, that means you are going backwards. You're not doing mobility means you're going backwards because you're aging. That's fair. That's fair okay, you're not. If you're not in the success loop, you're basically neglecting an area of your life, and everyone is neglecting something well, I was trying to just make sure you don't neglect things that you care deeply about, like I'm trying to make it inspirational.

Speaker 1

I was trying to make it inspirational, oh. Just make sure you don't neglect things that you care deeply about, Like I neglected your car, for sure. I was trying to make it inspirational, oh, Because it's like I don't want it to seem insurmountable. I think that's the ultimate thing is, I don't want it to get to the point where you've been in the doom loop for a year and now it's not even worth trying because you're so quote-unquote this is in quotes so far behind.

Speaker 2

Well, the client that I'm referring to, I'll keep it anonymous, but he has social anxiety, struggles to talk to girls, and he wants to overcome that. I said well, the best way to start is exposure therapy. We looked it up, but don't start with a girl you have a big crush on Right. Start with a. I said what's an example of a girl you have a big crush on, right start, start with a. I said what's an example of a girl that you could talk to and you wouldn't really care about the outcome? And he said oh, there's one at work. I said okay, there, start there. You don't want to start with the super bowl, right, right, you don't. You don't start with someone who's someone you've had a crush on for however long, because maybe you're not going to be able to handle the yeah, feedback yeah, the feedback so start with the mall

Everyone is neglecting something

Speaker 1

I know malls are are less than they used, but that was part of my story when I was trying to build confidence with talking to people. I went to the mall and I would go into stores that had beautiful women and I would start conversations with them.

Speaker 2

Yep, because I didn't said. I'll just ask for directions 100%. There you go 100%.

Speaker 1

Go to a restaurant and ask them what their favorite food is. What would you get? Boom Off to the races. You're going to be fine.

Speaker 2

Nice, you're going to be fine, out of the doom loop.

Speaker 1

That 100%. I'm sorry. I've been talking over you in most of today's episode. It's very unlike me for the most part. Do you accept my apology? Yeah, okay, thank you.

Speaker 2

Brother, I've been doing that to you for 1793 episodes.

Speaker 1

I think we're good. Just because it happens to me every day doesn't mean I want to perpetuate that.

Speaker 2

Well, I have no problem with it whatsoever.

Speaker 1

I know, I know.

Speaker 2

I appreciate a good. One of my things that I rate is conversational agility.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

And my ability to you and I. We pitch and catch. It's good. I like it. I think it creates a more dynamic conversation.

Speaker 1

I agree. Yeah, we went off the rails for a while where it was just like epic monologues. I would tell a story and then it would be like here's everything that I think about this. Tell me a story, alan, and then tell me everything you think about this and what I said, and then I'll respond based on what I think about what you said, about what I said. Let's do that. Okay, we're out. I like the conversation flow better. Same, but we're always figuring it out. It does. Sometimes I feel like I know less now at 1783 episodes than I did at the beginning. That's because you've eaten so much humble pie that and I you just what's the? Oh, my goodness, what is the? It's not like a law. Dunning-kruger effect, the dunning-kruger effect. You know that. You don't know. You know what the dunning-kruger effect is. I would like you to elaborate, enlighten me the dunning-kruger effect and I'm gonna butcher this. So it's a good thing you don't know what it is, because what?

Speaker 1

I say is probably not gonna be accurate, but it's, it's essentially this, this journey of in the beginning you know nothing and you think you know everything oh yeah, we've been there by the time yeah, for sure. And then by the time you, like, actually really know a lot about something, you don't think you know anything at all because of all the stuff you've had to learn in order to get here, you imagine there has to be way more than I don't know.

Speaker 2

That's where I'm at right now the dunning kruger effect is a cognitive bias that occurs when people overestimate their abilities in a particular area due to a lack of knowledge or competence. Yes, the person on the sidelines playing, watching for the football game going. How did you miss that?

Speaker 1

yeah, I would have gone to hail mary. In that play, yeah, I would have gone. That's why in that play yeah, I would have gone with.

Speaker 2

Hail Mary.

Speaker 1

That's why you're sitting at home eating Kraft macaroni and cheese, watching the NFL, yeah exactly, and if you were in the NFL, you'd sing a different tune.

Dunning-Kruger effect

Speaker 2

The term was coined in 1999 by Cornell University psychologist David Dunning and Justin Kruger after observing this behavior. Yeah, so essentially, the more you know, the more you know, the more you know you don't know, yes, and the more humble pie you eat I think it's very humbling the more you dig deep into something.

Speaker 1

Seriously brother, I know you're laughing. It was such an aggressive nose scratch.

Speaker 2

I know I have such a itchy nose. I'm dehydrated man. I'm dehydrated man, honestly, I'm dehydrated straight up. My voice is Jeffed Is it too warm?

Speaker 1

Is it too warm and you need a glass of warm milk? You want me to come down and deliver you a glass of warm milk. I need some Wabuda. We got to go because, I'm on dinner duty tonight and I'm making smash burgers for Pops and Taryn, so I'm on dinner duty. I'm on dinner duty.

Speaker 2

I'm actually excited I'm going to sauté up. I'm on dinner duty as well. My friend, what do you got? Chicken and rice Also burgers, also burgers, chicken patties, burgers, yeah.

Speaker 1

Air fryers.

Speaker 2

Air fryers.

Speaker 1

I'm going to sauté up some diced onions. Nice, now you get to work, baby. Nice, work, all right. If you enjoyed today's hijinks and it brought you any level of value, even if you maybe learned a new word that maybe you've never heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect. And that's what you learned today, make sure you subscribe so you never miss an opportunity to get to the next level of your life, whether it's on the podcast. Take it easy, please. I'm not done yet. Please take it easy. Take it easy, man. You need to temper that breath, son. Whether you're watching on YouTube in glorious 4K, you can subscribe to us there. Or if you're listening to us on a wonderful podcast platform of your choice, you can also choose to subscribe to us there.

Speaker 2

If you find yourself stuck in the doom loop and you want someone to help you gain certainty, clarity and confidence, to get you back into the success loop, my job as a coach is to help you stay in and gain momentum. I have a lot of people right now that are in momentum. I can tell. I actually was just on with a client earlier and I said you're awesome, you're killing it A hundred percent days, every single day. I got to say something. You're looking a little burnt out. I think we need to be humble here. You're heading to burnout, I can feel it.

Speaker 2

He's like oh yeah, we're going to, we're going to lower the system a little bit because he's going. He's going away too. So it's like let's, we got to get rid of some of the stuff. So we got rid of like two or three habits. We kept him in momentum, kept him playing a winnable game. So it's not just upping the ante. Reach out habit tracking metrics. Get on the train tracks, stay on the train tracks. Gain momentum, stay in the success loop and when you do get rocked by life or humbled, we can get you back into the success loop quicker.

Speaker 1

As always, we loop quicker. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at nlu, we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Stay in momentum next.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host