Next Level University

#1793 - A Simple 3 Step System To Build Confidence

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Do you struggle with self-doubt or feel you’re not reaching your full potential? In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros share a simple, three-step system to help you build absolute, lasting confidence. Tune in to discover how to prove your abilities to yourself, embrace humility, and turn small wins into significant gains in your personal and professional life.

Links mentioned:
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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
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Show notes:
(2:52) Sabotage self-belief and self-worth
(4:43) The concept of “Sneaky Self-Belief”
(6:01) The power of safe space
(9:38) 3-Step confidence-building system
(12:37) The Process Vs. The Goal
(18:25) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching.

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today for episode number 1,793, a simple three-step system to build confidence. Alan's cracking a cold one, monday 153. Cracking a. Zoa.

Speaker 2

This episode, brought to you by Alan and Kev, I know you.

Speaker 1

I know you. One thing you and I have realized is that one of the best ways to sabotage yourself and your self-belief and your self-worth is to go out and try something, get a result and then just beat yourself up for the result. What are you looking at?

Speaker 2

I was looking at the wrong screen. I have you up on the big screen over here, don't do that. Yeah, I know you want to move it. I'm getting back into it. This is the first one of the week.

Speaker 1

Yeah. I need to get back in the groove, my friend. You'd act like we didn't do seven last week. You know what I mean. It's not like we've been taking a month off, it's been a few days. I know I need to get back in the swing of things would you concur with the statement that I just made, or did you just not hear it at all because you weren't listening to me?

Speaker 2

I apologize, I do. I'm gonna get back in the swing of things.

Speaker 1

I didn't okay, okay would you agree this is lawyer talk. This is what they do. Would you agree with the statement that one of the best ways to sabotage your self-belief and your self-worth is to go try something, maybe get a less than favorable result and then just beat yourself up and take ownership for all the negative things that you did in order to get there? Would you agree with that statement? Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2

I believe that the most important thing for anyone, if they want to achieve success and fulfillment, is self-belief. I do believe that's the most important.

Speaker 1

It took many years to get Alan to believe that I've been saying that since 2017. And again. It's not just that you can have all the self-belief in the world and you might do stuff that other people might not. But it's not the whole equation, right it's.

Sabotage self-belief and self-worth

Speaker 2

It's a big piece of it, but it's it's the biggest start, and here's the problem you won't start unless you have it, and it needs to be real self-belief. It can't be. I've come to realize and I know this is a little bit of a side tangent, but it's totally relevant to this episode a lot of us think we believe in ourselves more than we do, and here's why there's the prefrontal cortex, there's the subconscious brain and the unconscious brain. What I've come to understand is that I know a lot of people who think they don't believe in themselves, like you, who actually have what I refer to as sneaky self-belief. Unconsciously, you believe in yourself more than you think you do. So your, your prefrontal cortex, your identity is I don't believe in myself, but your subconscious and unconscious obviously believes in himself, at least a little bit, because you do so much stuff I don't think you can.

Speaker 1

I do. I think you're wrong. I think you overestimate the struggle that this is. I do I really underestimate, underestimate. You overestimate how much belief I have. You underestimate how much of a struggle this is yeah, okay, fair.

Speaker 2

Do you think that it's true that you had more belief in hindsight than you thought you did? No, because you said you know. Because you said you had zero. If you had zero, you wouldn't have done half the things you do.

Speaker 1

I felt like Superman in the gym and I felt like Clark Kent in real life. I'm not kidding. I was confident in the gym. But I had a decade in the gym. I had results in the gym. I started that when I was 16. The ego wasn't fully developed when I started fitness.

Speaker 2

And by ego you mean what you think about yourself your identity.

Speaker 1

Identity and the protectors that I I don't want to say adopted, developed over the years, at 16,. It's different. It wasn't the same. I knew I was a little kid, I knew I was a what's going on?

Speaker 2

I had a very powerful call on Saturday with a client.

Speaker 1

Helen keeps smiling at me weirdly, so I don't know exactly what's happening.

Speaker 2

I'm grateful we're talking about the fundamentals. We're back to self-belief.

Speaker 1

Yeah, we made a list of the fundamentals Because, again, it's not hard to come up with content. It's hard to come up with different content. It's not hard to come up with content, it's hard to come up with different content that's going to actually not only be fun to talk about but be valuable. It's a fine line.

The concept of "Sneaky Self-Belief"

Speaker 2

Well, kevin and I have realized over the years that there are certain things that made a big difference and certain things that we were naive about, and we said this earlier. We do not want to increase the naivete, and so it's very difficult to find the intersection between what we're passionate about and we really feel like talking about in the moment, what is super valuable and accurate and what people need to hear, and so I believe we're doing that right now, though genuinely, although not so much right this moment, all right. So I was on a call and I've been coaching this person for a long time, anonymous, and I said the only way that I can coach you effectively is if you are your full, humble, courageous, vulnerable, authentic self with me. And she said I'm more my authentic self with you than anyone else, and I do get that actually fairly often, which I'm grateful for Safe space, not always, but often. This person I knew that was true. I have a really good relationship with this person. I said okay, what's the delta? Though You're here with me right now. What's the difference between you? Because everyone out there watching or listening, you are your authentic self, your full self when you are by yourself. That's who you really are. Good, bad ugly, that's who you really are.

The power of safe space

Speaker 2

I said when you're alone, what's the difference between when you're alone and when you're on these sessions with me? And I appreciate that the delta between when you're alone and when you're with me is smaller than with everyone else. So she said I'm the most authentic with you, more than anyone else. Okay, but there's still a delta, there's still a contrast. How big is that? She said this. She said the only difference, honestly, alan, is that I believe in myself more when I'm with you. And I said okay, that means we have to work on building self-belief without me. And I've been coaching this person for years and I've helped her achieve many of her goals. But she needs to build self-belief without me so that it's not because of me and that doesn't mean I can't help.

Speaker 2

And you, I asked you prior to this episode. I said, kev, what do people really want from my coaching from your perspective? And you said strategy, accountability, reliability and consistency. How do I teach her how to make sure she can be believe in herself as much without me? Maybe not as much, but let's make the contrast smaller. And so you and me, as business partners, you believe in us more than you believe in you. Is that fair, okay? How would you build your own self-belief hypothetically so that that wasn't the case, although I do think the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts? So obviously, I believe in me and Emilia much more than I believe in just me. I believe in you and I much more than I believe in just me, genuinely Okay. How would you build your belief to the point where the delta is?

Speaker 1

as small as possible. I'd say alcohol or hallucinogenics probably. How long were you I, I almost couldn't even get it out.

Speaker 2

I couldn't even wait.

Speaker 1

Um, definitely, at least alcohol, though maybe not the hallucinogenics, but the alcohol. No, I'm kidding what I? Why does alcohol increase self-belief? I don't get it, because it gets rid of I don't. I mean, I'm sure there's a scientific thing, but it gets rid of, it's rid of fear, inhibition. You know, the last thing you're worried about when you're drunk is people judging you. That's like everything. All of your behaviors are creating judgment in some way, shape or form. You know it gets rid of inhibition. Know, gets rid of inhibition, whatever that means, I don't know the exact definition. I told you that when I started, when I started going and doing speeches, when I started doing podcasts and when I started podcast growth, you without you I started to become more confident because I was on my own and I was doing what we're talking about today the three steps, three simple steps, and this was Alan's, doing more than mine.

Speaker 2

State no, no, no, because without you, I would never have created this.

Speaker 1

Well, I have one. This is mine actually. Never mind, screw Alan completely, this is my framework.

Speaker 2

I just knew that you and I conversed over the years and I figured out that you weren't building belief when you were a kid as much as I was, and that's so. It's definitely co-created. We've conversed a lot An unhealthy amount, Many, many, many times An unhealthy amount.

3-Step confidence-building system

Speaker 1

All right, state prove self-assign Today. So this is me stating I look at my calendar, I have five other podcasts. I'm going to go on. All right, cool, I'm going to go on all these podcasts today and I'm going to do my absolute best and I'm going to add some value. Is it going to be the best I've ever done, don't know, but I'm going to go on and I'm going to give it the best. I got Cool State All right had. I go on all these five podcasts and I do a really good job, and some of them actually say Kev, you're really good at this, you're world-class at this. Wow, how long have you been doing this? Awesome, cool.

Speaker 1

So I proved to myself more than anybody else that's the importance of it. I proved to myself that I could do it Self-assigned. This is what we're really good at doing in the negative, but we're not always really good at doing this in the positive. Then I say I did that. Now, I didn't book the shows Laura shout out to Laura who booked the shows. I didn't make this microphone. I didn't make this camera. I didn't make the platform we're doing the recording on.

Speaker 1

But I showed up and I added value, even though I might have been nervous about doing it. So I stated that I was going to do it. I proved to myself that I was capable of doing it, and then I actually took full ownership for it, and then I think it becomes gasoline in the tank. The opposite is also true. You say you're going to do something. You don't. So you prove to yourself and I'm not saying this is true, but this is what you're proving to yourself that you're inconsistent, you're not good enough, you, you'll never be successful. And then you self-assign that as your new truth, and then that becomes your identity. So the simplest answer would be to start doing stuff that they feel 10 out of 10 comfortable with you on their own, because you're gonna get feedback that you never would get, and then you're also gonna get belief most likely that you never would get. And then you're also going to get belief most likely that you never get otherwise.

Speaker 2

And that's how you build momentum. We talked about the doom loop versus the success loop. Wow, we talked about the doom loop versus the success loop. The doom loop is I don't believe in myself, so I don't take action, so I don't get results, which makes't believe in myself so I don't take action, so I don't get results, which makes me believe in myself less. The success loop is I believe in myself, so I take messy action and I get higher results, and then that makes me believe in myself more. The problem is, when you fail quote-unquote, do you go back to the doom loop?

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Or do you say you know what, let's go back to the drawing loop, yeah. Or do you say you know what? Let's go back to the drawing board. Why did I fail? Okay, I got to work on speaking, or if you have delusions, you have delusional expectations. Right.

The Process Vs. The Goal

Speaker 1

That's why it's not state-prove, get the goal self-assigned yeah, Because it's not necessarily about getting the goal. It's about proving to yourself. This is always an analogy I like to use because I think it's a really good visualization. At bodybuilding shows, there is usually a couple people on stage that don't look like the other competitors. They're not in as good of shape, they're not as muscular, they're in a different age range, whatever it is. They are usually people who have gone through a massive transformation to get the confidence to step on stage. We're talking coming back from a massive injury, losing, whatever it is 50, 100, 150 pounds, whatever it is Post-p 150 pounds, whatever it is Post-pregnancy, Post-pregnancy, whatever Just stuff that is.

Speaker 1

Their goal is to make it to the show and prove to themselves that they have the confidence to step on stage. They're not necessarily expecting I would argue that most of them are not expecting to leave with a medal. For them, it's more about them than it is the result. The result for them was the process and then stepping on stage. That's how I like to talk about goal setting.

Speaker 1

In the beginning, it's let's do our best and if we get a really good result, awesome. But we're trying to prove to ourselves that we can do the process, not necessarily get the result. You have to start with doing the process long before you're ever going to get the result anyway. So that's why it's not state-prove, accomplish, self-assign. The prove is you doing the thing that you said you were going to do, even if you didn't necessarily believe in it. Now, if you have level 10 self-belief, then maybe it's different. You going and stepping on stage isn't enough. Maybe you are doing the show to win the show and if you don't win the show you don't self-assign. That's a different story but it depends.

Speaker 2

Well, I like that. The process versus the goal. That's really important, and the process can be a goal. Definitely. I want to do five podcast episodes today. That's a process toward becoming the podcast guy, but it's also a goal in and of itself. The difference is, I think the process is usually an hourly or a daily goal and then when we think of goals, we think of annual goals or quarterly goals or whatever. The one thing that I wanted to share that you mentioned when you said the formula you said I'm going to do five podcasts today.

Speaker 2

State and then prove you go on the podcast and people say you did a good job. What I want people to be careful of is you need to self-assign you showing up, regardless of whether or not they go well. That's the scary part. Now, if you do a terrible job on all five podcasts and then self-assign that you did a great job, that creates delusion, and I've been guilty of that. I've been guilty of being arrogant and or delusional at times, and that's why the next time you're going to eat humble pie, if you up the ante based on delusion, it's a whole thing. So that's a different episode.

Speaker 2

How to eat humble pie. This is how to build self-belief and the more self-belief that you build if it works properly. Let's say Kev believed in himself at level one when we started and let's say he believes in himself at level seven now. If you start to believe in yourself at level eight, you're going to start taking level eight swings and then you're going to humble. You're going to get humble pie very quickly when you start setting level eight goals. So a good analogy, metaphor, example when you started running again, what was your goal for a timed mile?

Speaker 1

I don't know if I really mine was like if I can do, let me aim for 10. Because I know 10 is like a, I think. In order to like I don't know, I saw this on Parks and Rec and Parks and Recreation is fact, but I don't know if this is you think you have to run a 10 minute mile for the police academy or something. So it's like, all right, that's. That's a measure of some athleticism okay, that would be a level.

Speaker 2

What goal for a runner? I mean, that's a very low goal for a runner. Okay for an athlete for an athlete for me I think it was accurate.

Speaker 1

I would say it was a very accurate goal based on the fact that so what'd you get?

Speaker 2

less than that, and this comes back to benchmarking your, your belief, up against reality it was like 9 20, which is going to give you either 9, 20, or 9, 20 okay so you did better than you thought you'd do um, yeah, but not by much okay. So you stated you're going to do it in under 10 minutes, and then you proved to yourself with a 920, and then did you self-assign it and say, oh, okay.

Speaker 1

Yeah, but I still felt kind of shitty because it wasn't great, just because you're aware. The reason you felt shitty of it doesn't mean it makes it better, you know. Just because you're aware you're going to suck at it doesn't necessarily make it feel better.

Speaker 2

That's interesting. That's another layer. Your identity of an athlete is built on beliefs. So because you identify as an athlete, I think the 920 actually didn't build self-belief. That much. Yeah, I would say that's fair, because it's a little bit worse than what you think you should do. Quote, unquote right, so you ate humble pie instead of building 100% yeah 100%.

Speaker 2

Every time you take action this is my theory. I don't know if it's. I think it is Every time someone takes action toward a goal or a process, you're either going to build self-belief or get humble pie. The problem is, what if the humble pie is so big that it crushes your self-belief completely and you have to start all the way back from zero. And that's what an ego death is. An ego death is your identity burns down.

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Speaker 2

So if you had, for example, said I want to do a five-minute mile and then you've got a 920, you might have what's called an ego death, which means you basically are devastated that evening and the next day you wake up you don't think you're capable of much of anything, and that can be. And then you have to start with hey, can I even run 300 feet? And and honestly, that's not the worst thing I mean you last part of this episode, because I know we're gonna jump. You I'll never forget when you went all the way back to benching the bar. Yeah, can you tell that story, because I know we get a jump. You I'll never forget when you went all the way back to benching the bar. Yeah, can you tell that story, because I think you rebuilt all of your belief based on, and then you ended up bench pressing more than you ever had well I was going through.

Speaker 1

I was having a lot of shoulder issues. I've had a lot of shoulder issues. I've had surgery on one shoulder, the other shoulder was mangled for a while and as a bodybuilder, one of my weaker muscles is my chest. I have really strong shoulders and my shoulders are very developed. But do you think that's still true? Yes, definitely. Yeah, my chest is definitely the I've done. I've done. I started doing shoulders again and, like my shoulder, I can see my shoulders growing. My chest is just. It just isn't the same. Legs come pretty easy to me. Short stocky arms come pretty easy, but chest has always been a challenge. So I got to the point where I realized I don't know if these chest what are you smiling at? I miss talking about fitness yeah man Same.

Building self-belief: Humility, ego-death, and revisiting the basics

Speaker 1

I was telling myself that, yeah, I can lift a good amount of weight when I'm doing bench press or when I'm doing inclined dumbbell press or whatever, but I never feel like I'm actually working out the muscle that I intend to work on and my shoulder is constantly bothering me. So I need to go back to the basics. And I was doing flat bench press with just the bar, which is 45 pounds, and that is not a challenge at all for me. But it was one of those things where I wanted to get back to the basics and I wanted to. The weird thing is you only learn something for the first time once and then you tend to just do that behavior forever and you don't really think about it. And then eventually, hopefully, if you're not getting the results that you desire, you go back to the drawing board. You don't assume there's something wrong with you necessarily. Maybe you assume there's something wrong with the way you're practicing the thing. So, yeah, for a while I started just benching the bar that's the key.

Speaker 2

Sorry to interrupt you, but you were willing to be seen as a beginner, which ended up making you an eventual expert. I think that's the problem I wouldn't myself included.

Speaker 1

I'm an expert.

Speaker 2

I think I'm well advanced the amount that you eventually, what was the max that you ended up getting to 295. Okay, 295 is very statistically top one percent probably. I mean how many people bench 295?

Speaker 2

that's hard to say now because yeah, no, no, not not many yeah, well, that's my point is the only reason you were able to bench 295 is because you were willing to look like a failure in the beginning, and that's why it's the whole.

Speaker 2

Every expert at one point was just a beginner, and being willing to go back to the drawing board, back to the beginning, and be embarrassed to bench just the bar is actually the only reason why you were able to reach those heights, and I think that that's a good metaphor for building self-belief.

Speaker 2

Do you have the humility and the ego death necessary to go all the way back to square one so that you can start building one, two, three, four, all the way back up to ten? Because a lot of times what happens is we build these identities, like you in baseball at level 10, when you were an all-star little do you know? You actually at one point were in little league and farm league and you built all the way to level 10, and now you still think you're a baseball player because you still hold that identity when in reality, you should go all the way back to square one in order to actually get really good again. And I think that that's what happens as time passes, but we still hold on to the identity you and I do nlhf, ymca, we rent out a and we play with kids. That's humbling as hell every time, because a lot I haven't thrown a football in how long. And then you and I throw it and it's oh, okay, I can't throw a spiral.

Speaker 1

Okay, here we go. Whip, yeah, you it, and it's oh okay, I can't throw a spiral.

Speaker 2

Okay, here we go. Warm up your whip. Yeah, and it's very humbling, because I still have the identity of when I used to play quarterback recreationally. But I could throw a really good football and now I can't. So we all have to constantly be checking in with our perception of self versus reality.

Speaker 1

This is one of the hardest parts, because I don't know. I don't know if I've ever heard anybody really talk about this. So, alan and I for I don't even know how long we did a live podcast. Every week, we would do a live podcast episode in our Facebook group, and it started out as didn't it start out as something else? Wasn't it a mastermind? Yeah, it was a live mastermind.

Speaker 2

Then it was a meetup.

Speaker 1

And then it was a weekly live podcast episode and we did it for I don't know how many months, how many weeks 190. Yeah, so that's almost three years, it's more than three years.

Speaker 2

It was either 145 or 190.

Speaker 1

So like three years, hypothetically. Yeah, we'll say three years. So in the very beginning, we would have these post-live podcast calls with the team, and oftentimes it was just what was the most important win, what's the most important improvement? What did you think? How did you guys feel about it? And there would be times where people would say, kev, you did a really good job, awesome. I wouldn't change anything, and I always remember thinking I understand what you, what you saw. You don't know what I was thinking, though it's really good that it went really well and I added value or whatever the feedback was, but there's a drastic difference between what you see and what I'm feeling, and that's why it's really. It's hard. This whole thing is is super hard because, yeah, you might look really good in the gym, but if you don't feel really good in the gym, it doesn't really matter what people are saying about you I'm, and isn't the opposite also?

Speaker 2

true, you can look bad in the gym, but also feel really good inside yourself. Yeah, 100 yeah, and that creates delusion, though I think it depends.

Speaker 1

I think it depends on where you're coming from, but I feel like a really good podcaster. So when people say, when I go on their podcast, I feel like a really good speaker. So when I go on their podcast and they compliment me, I own it, I think it would be very detrimental if I didn't think I was good Because I'd be getting all this love that I didn't believe.

Speaker 2

Okay, why would that be detrimental? I'm actually asking because I don't care what.

Speaker 1

It doesn't help me that somebody else thinks I'm good. I had a client once who Unless I think I'm good. Sorry, I just want to finish that.

Speaker 2

No, no. I had a client once who tried to explain this to me. She said I get compliments on my looks all the time Because I said she was a very attractive. She was a model Semi-model for a while and I modeled with her. She was like it doesn't matter that everyone else thinks I'm attractive, I don't think I am, yeah, but don't you realize that you're probably the one who's inaccurate.

Speaker 1

You just have so many more years of that direction. It's really hard to turn it around. Okay, you go do a modeling shoot. Let's use this young lady as an example, and I don't know who you're talking about, so this is completely anonymous for me. Let's say this person's 25 years old and ever since they were 16, they've been very self-conscious about their body. They have nine years of internal dialogue every single day, multiple times a day. A hundred likes on Instagram or a hundred people messaging them is not gonna. That's not even a drop in the bucket compared to that.

Speaker 2

How do you update that identity, though, because this person is very attractive? I try to think very objectively, and I remember when I was very young and I was 6'2 and skinny and I hope everyone's resonating with this, because I feel like we all have an awkward stage. There's always a stage in everyone's life where you just feel like crap about yourself. I had that stage, and now I do realize objectively and maybe this is the whole objective thing I know that I'm not the most attractive male by any means, but I also know that I'm an attractive male. I don't I'm not trying to inflate or deflate, I'm just trying to see the truth. Well, yeah, but that's.

Speaker 1

There's no emotion there. That's not from an emotional that's. How logical is that?

Speaker 2

But hopefully our emotions are constructed based on accurate thinking, right? I mean, isn't that the goal?

Speaker 1

That's the goal, but most of them aren't. If that was the case, nobody would be afraid of planes. Nobody would be afraid of shark tax, shark tax, shark tax, shark tax coming next year Get your shark tax at shark taxcom.

Speaker 2

I mean, that's most fears are emotional, not logical. Yeah, which is exactly the issue. Yeah, a hundred percent, because if you don't swim in the ocean because you're afraid of sharks, when you could enjoy the ocean, your whole life is a little bit off. We watched someone parasurfing. Looks awesome, looks also really difficult, but are you not going to do that because of the irrational fear?

Speaker 1

100% yeah, Absolutely not.

Speaker 2

No. What would cure that though? Would self-belief cure that? A death wish?

Speaker 1

Well then that's another no.

Speaker 2

That's it. There just are certain.

Speaker 1

Okay, yeah, what would cure it? A goal that would require you to overcome the fear.

Speaker 2

Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, but you wouldn't set that goal unless you had self-belief. That's why self-belief is the most important thing. I think, the three most important things. We'll go quick about this, but the three most important thing is self-belief, self-worth and humility. I'm convinced that those are the three. I think I agree. If you have those three, you will be much more successful and fulfilled.

Speaker 1

I would agree, for sure, I would agree.

Speaker 2

And they lead to all the others. I mean you're going to get self-awareness, because if you have high self-belief you're inevitably going to set goals that force you to face reality. And if you have high self-worth, you'll do better in relationships and you won't. You'll actually have clear boundaries, you'll take care of yourself and if you have humility, you'll actually be willing to start at zero and climb.

Speaker 1

Yeah, you asked. You asked how would that, how would that model go about rewiring that? I think you would have to go back to childhood to figure out where it came from in the first place.

Speaker 2

I think that's probably the only.

Speaker 1

I get asked questions like that often and it's like, honestly, there is nothing I'm going to tell you that's going to change that. You most likely have to figure out where it came from in the first place.

Speaker 2

We don't do episodes on this. Enough think. But what are your irrational fears? That could be a good episode at some point, because all of us have irrational fears. I certainly do it's. They're just different than. Yeah, I'm scared of sharks, for sure, but I'm not letting that stop me from going the ocean, from going from going in the ocean. Bring your shark, just bring your.

Speaker 1

SharkTags in with you and you'll be fine, you'll be safe.

Speaker 2

That's what they're. I'm going to SharkTagscom.

Goal-setting to overcome irrational fear

Speaker 1

SharkTagscom. I'm going to Washington DC for a podcast movement next. Well, this Sunday, actually I'm not excited. I actually am a little bit excited to fly now which I don't know.

Speaker 1

It's weird, that's cool, that means you're turning this around. Well. But here's the other thing too. I am very strange in the fact that I I don't like crutches. So there have been many people who say, well, if you're going to get on a long flight, just take a pill. I don't know what a pill is, but it'll put you to sleep. I can't, I can't, that's not for me. If anything that makes it turns one problem and takes it to another level and it makes it two problems, because now we should do an episode on that too what would that be?

Speaker 2

crutches, crutches, crutches versus tools crutches, which is tools, because some people might say well, that might help you start, it might help you start unless, yeah, it creates a codependent relationship with that thing.

Speaker 1

Or actually it would be a dependent relationship because the the medication is not dependent on me at all, because it's just medication. It's not real right. Yeah, so it would be a dependent dependent.

Speaker 2

but so, just like, caffeine helps you get up in the morning, but now you need it Right right.

Speaker 1

Not only do I have to get to the airport four hours before my flight and get everything, make sure I'm good through security, but now I have to make sure I take a pill within a certain amount of time, or I'm going to be even more anxious because I've never flown out the pill before. And again, no judgment if that's you, I'm just stubborn with stuff like that because I know it won't actually help me.

Speaker 2

You know what else it is, and I just made this distinction. Now Correct me if I'm wrong. You won't build belief. Yes, because you didn't actually do the thing. You didn't prove to yourself you could do it Instead. You know that you, yeah, I think it probably. Yeah, that's a great point. It might even hurt your beliefs, it's almost like you can't self-assign it because you know it wasn't really you, it might go the other way.

The significance of taking on opportunities that challenge your beliefs

Speaker 1

It might actually go the other way, but I've never really. And even when I went to therapy, I remember saying I don't want any medication. Again, I'm not judging anybody that does that. Again, I'm not judging anybody that does. That's just my choice. I need to prove to myself that I can figure this out, and until I've exhausted that, then I don't want just to do the thing that seems like it's an easy fix now. Again, not judging anybody that does that. For me, that was always that I want to make sure I can prove to myself. And if I can't and I get to the place where it's beyond what I'm capable of, then that's a different conversation.

Speaker 2

Proving to yourself the reason why I ended up finishing that marathon, even though it was one of the most painful things I've ever put myself through. Life throws things at us and they're very painful, but as far as self-pain like by-choice pain that was the most painful thing I've ever done by choice. And the reason why I didn't stop, even though it was the most painful thing I'd ever put myself through by choice, is because I knew I would lose belief If I didn't at least finish. It didn't have to be pretty and it wasn't, but I had to cross that goddamn finish line, even if I looked like an 80 year old man.

Speaker 2

At the end, which I did. There's a video of me doing the last lap?

Speaker 1

Yeah, where is?

Speaker 2

it.

Speaker 1

When is this gonna see the light of day? What are we doing?

Speaker 2

I have it. Yeah, it was. I was like a crotchety 87 year old, is it gonna? See the light of day. I don't know, maybe I'd like for it to.

Speaker 1

It doesn't matter what I like, so you do you, obviously, but I think that would be really cool. Yeah, it would Very vulnerable.

Speaker 2

But yeah, it would. The point is, though, that I did build belief. Even though I ate a lot of humble pie, I was able to prove to myself that I could do it without stopping. Yeah, even though. Yeah, and I think that that built my identity and gave me the humble pie I needed to, which again that's another episode.

Speaker 1

Last, last, last thing I said this on I think I said this here, but I mentioned it somewhere else when Evan Carmichael reached out and asked me to come speak in Toronto, I was pissed that I had to say yes because I knew it would build, I knew it would help me build belief. There was no. I couldn't say no, even if I wanted to, which I did, because I was scared, but it helped me build belief. Sometimes you get an opportunity that you don't feel like you're ready for yet, but that might be the opportunity for you to build belief to the next level and whether you say yes to that or no to that can be a life-changing decision. We just don't know at the moment. Necessarily, you dig Alright, life-changing decision. We just don't know at the moment. Necessarily you dig All right, I do.

Speaker 1

If you want to make sure you're getting to the next level every single day, little by little, by little by little, 1%, half percent, whatever the numbers are Alan's the numbers guy, not me Make sure you are subscribed on whatever podcast platform you are listening on, and YouTube if you are watching us there, and also I know that if you listen to a podcast, there might be a piece of you that wants to start a podcast, or maybe you already have a podcast Podcast. Growth University is my podcast on podcasting Totally free Another free resource for you to learn about podcasting. So it's on all the platforms. It's on YouTube as well. I think we're 110 episodes in or something at this point.

Speaker 2

If you want to build self-belief. As I mentioned earlier, my coaching is really these main four things in terms of what Kev believes people are getting. Number one is strategy. We're going to strategize and reverse engineer your goals. Been doing that my whole life, love it. Number two is we're going to build self-belief by state-proof self-assign, by habit tracking and staying on track through accountability and kev mentioned reliability, which I thought was interesting. And he said, and I was like what do you mean? And he said you'll never miss. And I said that's true, yeah, and he said a lot of coaches are flaky and pricey and you're not.

Speaker 1

So that's the other thing too.

Speaker 2

You're not affordable.

Speaker 1

I'm not gonna super you not going to find a business coach as affordable as Alan.

Speaker 2

That's true. That is definitely true. There's no way. Yeah, there's no, way no.

Speaker 1

As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU, we don't have fans, we have family.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host