Next Level University

#1795 - Why Bumper Sticker Self-Improvement Doesn’t Work

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Have you ever wondered why those catchy quotes and slogans sometimes leave you feeling more lost than inspired? In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore why bumper sticker advice can be misleading and what truly works when looking to make lasting improvements in your life. Tune in to learn why it’s crucial to go beyond catchy phrases and embrace the hard work needed to achieve your goals.

Links mentioned:
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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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Show notes:
(2:15) Critique of famous motivational quotes
(5:39) Aiming for a constructive middle ground
(7:12) "Love Conquers All"
(9:30) The challenge of personal growth
(14:27) How to make life meaningful
(19:00) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/f1FWAQ
(20:48) Hiding the downsides
(24:22

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,795, why bumper sticker self-improvement doesn't work? You have heard us talk about this often. I would say because there are a lot of quotes out there that sound really good on a social media post, or they sound really good inside a fortune cookie, or they sound they would sound really good on the back of a bumper sticker if you were trying to inspire the people behind you. But they do not necessarily create any meaningful change because they're just inspirational, they're just well written. I assume they're well intended and it's from a place of well intent, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to help you.

Speaker 1

There is a song by one Beanie Siegel. It's called Feel it In the Air. It is a banger Great song and in the song he says Shoot for the moon. And if you miss, you're still amongst the stars. And it's rhymed and wrapped really nicely. But I would consider that a bumper sticker self-improvement statement. It sounds really good, Shoot for the moon. So, yeah, take your wildest shot and even if you miss, you're going to end up somewhere better than you are today. That's not true entirely.

Speaker 2

You're going to end up somewhere better than you are today, that's not true entirely.

Speaker 1

No, there are a lot of people that take a shot and they go out of business and they don't. Then things go badly. I think we're just the majority, actually. Yeah, we're removing all the circumstances that come with the quote-unquote failure. Now again, I'm not telling you not to take a shot. I'm not telling you not to chase your dreams. I'm not telling you not to take a shot. I'm not telling you not to chase your dreams. I'm not telling you not to set massive goals, whatever, whatever feels right, whatever you feel ready to do.

Critique of famous motivational quotes

Speaker 1

But the problem with a lot of the one-liners and stuff like that is it doesn't get to the awareness of what's real. Try hard and believe in yourself. Yeah, those are two very important things, but that's not everything. There is so much that is required under that that actually matters. Love conquers all? No, it doesn't. It definitely doesn't. I can show you a list of relationships where it didn't, and I can show you another list of relationships where they probably hung on too long because they loved each other. Love is not enough. Is it a requirement? What are the stats on what? What is? What is the divorce rate? I believe it's over 50 in the us.

Speaker 2

If I had to venture a guess for those of you who are global, forgive us for being ignorant americans yeah, that I don't know. I don't know what the as of May 2024, the divorce rate in the United States is around 42%. Oh, okay, under 50. So it's gone down, that's good.

Speaker 2

Oh, okay, I would wonder what it would be for people who got married in their 20s, because I know that that's you don't really know who you are fully. And again, if you got married in your 20s, is divorce common after 20 years of marriage? Older couples are now those most likely to divorce. That's interesting. I was on with a podcast, ron and Marty. I was on a podcast last week. They've been together 56 years. I said whoa, welcome to the .001%. That's wild, but anyways, continue.

Speaker 1

I think I was just about.

Speaker 2

I was just about wrapped up. What are some other bumper stickers?

Speaker 1

I told you I was going to be drawing blanks when you put me on the spot.

Speaker 2

You got it. You did Love conquers all Shoot for the moon. You'll land amongst the stars.

Speaker 1

Work hard and believe in yourself.

Speaker 2

What are some of the other ones that you listen to If you love what you do?

Speaker 1

You never work a day in your life. That's not true.

Speaker 2

That is wildly untrue. If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. That isn't even remotely accurate.

Speaker 1

No, because it's going to come with stuff that you don't enjoy. I think everything does. Let's break down each one of those Promotely accurate. No, because it's going to come with stuff that you don't enjoy Always. I think everything does.

Speaker 2

Well, let's break down each one of those. Okay, love conquers all, so let's. And again on this episode, for all the listeners we're not trying to be overly negative, we're trying to be constructive. We're trying to drive to five. On one end is toxic negativity, we've talked about this before, and we're trying to drive to five On one end is toxic negativity.

Speaker 2

We've talked about this before, and it's you can't achieve anything, nothing's going to happen for you, no matter how hard you try, everything's going to suck. You know, work is work and it all always sucks. That's not what we're saying. That's toxic negativity. Toxic positivity is it's all going to work out, regardless of effort, if it's up to you. If it's not, if it's up to you, it'll, it'll. Uh, if it's meant to be, it'll be. It's overly affirming. So, on one end, one extreme, everything's overly affirming and it mitigates responsibility and the truth of how hard things actually are. It's social media bumper sticker over the top affirming social media, highlight real stuff. And then, on the other end, it's basically overly negative. Nothing's possible for you type of thing.

Aiming for a constructive middle ground

Speaker 2

We're trying to find five in this episode. We're trying to get to five. We're trying to get to center. We're trying to get a constructive amount of truth. We're trying to be accurate in our thinking about ourselves, other people in the world, and that's what I've really tried to help people with. Ultimately is, if your GPS is calibrated wrong, you're going to drive into a mountain and then blame yourself when, in reality, the guidance you got was probably wrong. Kevin and I don't want anyone accidentally driving into a lake because the GPS had the wrong data. That's the metaphor, I think Okay. So what are some other ones? That's the metaphor, I think Okay. So what are some other ones?

Speaker 1

You know, the hard part about it is Even something like let's just say Love conquers all. Let's just say that Love conquers all. Let's go with that one. The problem is there are so many truths on both ends of well. Let's say you have children with a partner and you fall out of love, but you stay together for your children. You don't love each other anymore the way you used to. What's conquering all is maybe the love of your children. Yeah, okay, I'm willing to stay in this relationship with this person because I love my children. I want to make sure that they grow up in X environment. Cool, but that's a subset.

"Love Conquers All"

Speaker 1

Then there's another piece of it where just because you love somebody or you love something doesn't mean it's good for you. Yeah, quite the opposite for some things. So love doesn't conquer all. In that scenario, if you're not working on yourself, then it doesn't really matter. Your part can love you over the moon, but if you don't love yourself, that's a whole different thing. So it's just in the moment. It's just top of it's just not deep. The iceberg, yeah, it's just top tip of the iceberg. It probably will make you feel better in a vacuum, but that's not the thing that's going to change.

Speaker 2

When people say in a vacuum, what the hell are they talking about?

Speaker 1

Not sure.

Speaker 2

I don't know if I've ever Not sure, and you're a son of a bitch for calling me out on it. Honestly, I don't even know if I know. I think it. I think it just means in a side in an echo chamber.

Speaker 1

Yeah, in an echo chamber, in a silo, in a that, uh, probably disconnected from all other things, I would say In other words by oneself In one circumstance, toward one goal, in one context, probably.

Speaker 2

Yeah, that kind of thing, yeah, okay, sounds cool, though.

Speaker 1

I say it a lot.

Speaker 2

Nobody's ever questioned it, so I never had to. Maybe I'll say it's good.

Speaker 1

I'll do. That's the thing. You're hearing people say stuff that they might not have actually done research on. That's a really good example of it. I don't know. I've never, really I've never looked up. What does it mean to be in a vacuum? I just assumed it was like in a silo, because I know what that means, and in an echo chamber.

Speaker 2

I know what that means.

Speaker 1

It's the same thing, but that's a really good example. Hold on A lot of Googling on today's episode. Am I completely wrong?

Speaker 2

It's an idiom. Idiom In a vacuum Separated from outside events or influences. That's exactly what I said, the group was operating in a vacuum, cut off from the rest of the world. The city's riots did not happen in a vacuum, okay, so cut off from the rest of circumstances.

Speaker 1

It makes sense to shoot for the right moon and land amongst, except circumstances are life, and you'll never be without circumstances, because a life without circumstances does not exist without context.

The challenge of personal growth

Speaker 2

This is the hardest part about this space. You and I have worked diligently and I think we've done a really good job at this. Although I think we've done a terrible job at many things, I do think we've done a really good job at helping people improve their lives. To the extent. In what area? Perfectly definitely not, but we've. I'm very proud of what we've built in the sense of everything we've done basically for the last seven years was at least in an effort to help others improve their life I would agree with that I got a message, two messages yesterday that I put in my deepest wife holder that were thanking us for the amazing work we do and I need it.

Speaker 2

I need that sometimes because sometimes I wonder and I just need to re-tether to, why we do this. Because most other things would be easier. Most other things would be easier than selling self-improvement, because self-improvement is hard. This is a harder road. It's easier to pretend you're going to be successful than to actually look at the truth of why you won't. It's almost to pretend you're going to be successful than to actually look at the truth of why you won't.

Speaker 1

It's almost like instead of a pizza shop. So there's right next door to NLU, there's a pizza shop. You go in. They got pepperoni, whatever you want, made for you. Come over to NLU you got to go out and you got to find the dough, and you got to go find the pepperoni and you got to build the oven, and then you got to bake it, and then you got to cut it, and then you have to run the pizza shop for the rest of the day and then, eventually, you get to eat your pizza.

Speaker 2

Maybe, but the pizza sucks no, no, it doesn't taste good, but you learn how to build your own pizza shop and you learn how to in this analogy yes in this metaphor yeah, it's, it's hard self-improvement is very, very, very hard.

Speaker 1

That's the thing. Even I'm every I think everybody is is guilty of this because you, how much time are you given? We get to the end of a podcast episode as a guest and they say what are your final remarks, what is your closing?

Speaker 2

statement. I actually enjoy that a lot, but every time I'm wondering what I'm supposed to say, because I can't. I say the same thing every time. No, not necessarily. What are you talking?

Speaker 1

about. I say your reality becomes the parts of your imagination that you hold on to and pour into the longest. And then I tell the story about how, seven episodes in, I said I want to wake up when I want. And I told that story and I said here we are, 1800 episodes later and that's what I get to do.

Speaker 1

But the truth of the matter is, over the last 7 years, the thing that I hung on to the tightest was this podcast dream and the thing that I poured into the most was this podcast dream and I have let go of a lot of things I wish I didn't have to and I've stopped pouring of a lot of things I wish I didn't have to and I've stopped pouring into things that I wish I could continue to pour into Same. That's the best I can do in terms of giving you a bumper sticker statement and then explaining why to me it's important, but the rest of that shit ain't going to fit on the bumper sticker. Even the quote isn't. That's too long for a bumper sticker, but that's why it's so hard.

Speaker 2

I knew this is gonna be a great episode. I want to share what I normally go to, so that's your go-to at the end.

Speaker 1

It depends on the show almost every podcaster no I know.

Speaker 2

So not every podcaster does this, but usually there's some form of do you have any final? There's some form of this question. If you could put a quote up on a billboard for the whole world to see it, if you could do a ted talk on one topic, what would it be and why? If you could give the world one last piece of advice, if you could tell my listeners one thing you wish you knew when you were younger. Like those types of questions and every single time it's it's the same flavor, but I always try to make it a little better. That's my rule is I have to make it a little better guessing in my brain what it is.

Speaker 1

Do you want to?

Speaker 2

share first no because then if it's not, it just in case you're oh no, because then it just takes it off the rails.

Speaker 1

I have it's, I have it in my mind it's ask my business partner, kevin palmer he knows better than I. That's, that's exactly what I was thinking. That's. It's very humble of you, very humble of you to admit the truth. Finally, after all these years, I'm gonna get the shine I deserve.

Speaker 2

I essentially say this Some form of this Life is unbelievably challenging Some of us. It's challenging for more than others, but it's challenging for all of us. And despite the fact that it's unbelievably challenging and it always will be and it always has been Although it varies in frequency, intensity, density and duration for all of us and despite the fact that it's unbelievably challenging and it always will be and it always has been although it varies in frequency, intensity, density and duration for all of us, you can make it meaningful by taking personal responsibility and making better choices. You do not have control over what happens to you I certainly didn't in my childhood but you do have control over what you say, think, do, feel and believe. You do have a choice, but ironically, paradoxically, you don't, unless you know that. So you have to take personal responsibility for how your life turns out, despite how devastatingly challenging it is. And if you do that, I can't promise you success and fulfillment, but I can promise you it will end up better than it would have otherwise, and that's the best I've got.

Speaker 1

Okay, so I had choices in mind. I thought it was going to be the farmer or the CEO was my expectation for the story, but choices.

Speaker 2

Aim high and you'll have choices.

Speaker 1

Aim high and you'll have choices.

Speaker 2

I do think choices, dude, I think choices is the root.

How to make life meaningful

Speaker 1

But even that quote aim high and you'll have choices, not true? That's not true. Yeah, aim high and you'll have debt. Aim high and you might have heartbreak.

Speaker 2

And again, I'm not saying not to do it, I'm just saying be aware aim high and commit to it, because it's kind of the same as the imagination. If you aim high and hold it in your imagination and pour into it, the longest you will have choices.

Speaker 1

Yes, but only if you have self-belief, if you have humility, if you have resilience, if you have grit if you have resources, if, if, if if, if, if I wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for alan so even that quote isn't I mean would I have made it further than the average podcaster? I don't know, I like to think so. Would I have made it?

Speaker 2

here. Yeah, you would have, I think you would have, but again I couldn't. I don't know.

Speaker 1

But I appreciate it, but even that, it's like there are so many things that I feel like there are way more things that have to go right for you to be successful than there are things that have to go wrong for you to be unsuccessful.

Speaker 2

Yeah, okay, wait, wait, wait. You know what I mean. Go ahead. Yeah, I think that was one of the good things. That was one of the good things. Sorry, kevin, let me clarify. I have certain quotes that I've stolen from kevin, borrowed, that I do give you credit for borrowed, and that might be one of them.

Speaker 1

go ahead I believe more things have to line up for you to be successful than things have to line up for you to be unsuccessful.

Speaker 2

It doesn't you said it better the first I know, but I say it's almost like you need more things to go right to be successful than things to go wrong, not to be something like that but I don't know how to say.

Speaker 1

You know, how you know, sometimes you use, speaking of bumper stickers, self-improvement we obviously this couldn't be one, because it's way. It's way too freaking long. I don't know when to use van. Doesn't it sound weird when you use than without? Rather, am I the only person who deals with that? It is like a conundrum that keeps me up at night.

Speaker 2

I know the difference between than and than.

Speaker 1

Same. I'm 35 years old. Of course I know the difference between the two. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2

Dude, I didn't for a long time, honestly, if then I'm a computer programmer, I was a computer programmer. So if then we don't use dan. Well, van is a compare, yeah, it's a comparison in comparison. Encoding, you compare all the time and it's I'm just saying it's fair.

Speaker 1

I, if again I did not do well in that class, I, the teacher, and I did not get along it was awesome.

Speaker 2

I hated it, no, hated it.

Speaker 1

Let me build this website. One of my effing parentheses is off, so the whole thing doesn't work and I have to go through and find what parentheses is off.

Speaker 2

No, that's what life is man. That's what we do on this podcast Figure out where the parentheses are.

Speaker 1

Yeah, but the parentheses aren't on the keyboard. Type to learn shit.

Speaker 2

They're in your life. I like my life. I'm just saying we're reprogramming each other and ourselves and the listeners every time people 100%.

Speaker 1

I don't want this to be a negative episode. That's all I don't want anybody imagine if this is the first time somebody tuned in to NLU. They're going to be like what I thought you guys were about positive self improvement. No, no, I swear we are. I'm not saying not to do any of this, but it's almost we were talking about this. I don't know if we were. I'm not saying not to do any of this, but it's almost we were talking about this. I don't know if we were saying this off the scenes or behind the scenes or on the show, but imagine if everything had to have the same disclaimers that pharmaceutical companies have. Yeah, did we say that on the air?

Speaker 2

You did. Yeah. Imagine if Someone reached out and said they loved that episode. Awesome. Someone reached out to me and said I loved that.

Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:

Speaker 1

Shout out to whoever that was. Imagine at the end of this episode. Imagine this if we got to the end of this episode and we said Next Level University is super grateful that you listened. Blah, blah, blah. Just a reminder Alan and Kevin have results that are not typical for most podcasters. If you do sign up to work, if you do sign up to chase your dreams, you most likely will work more than anybody you've ever met in your life. If you want to be successful, you most likely will be wildly misinterpreted by most of the people around you. You will learn things about yourself that change your life in the best, most magnificent ways, but also you'll learn stuff about yourself that you wish you didn't have to. And we just went on about all the potential negatives that come with the positives. That would be so awesome. We should do a whole episode on that, but nobody would listen. Why? Because the only reason that drug companies have to do that is because there's so many potential negative downsides, and it's like that with everything. That's why reviews are so important. When you buy something on Amazon, because they are never going to tell you the downsides. When you go sign up to the gym membership, they don't tell you you have to jump through hoops to cancel.

Speaker 1

Oh, mr Palmieri, hello, long time no speak. How are you? Oh, brittany Palmieri, hello, long time no speak. How are you? Oh, brittany, I just wanted to cancel my membership. Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem at all. Are you still located in the area? No, I live several states away. That is unfortunate. We're actually going to need you to shoot out here in person and you're going to have to sign the contract saying you don't want to be here anymore. I never read that in the contract. Oh, we don't put it in there, because if we put it in there, you'd never sign the contract in the first place?

Speaker 1

When can we expect you? You know what I mean. Everybody does their best to not show the negatives, because if you know the negatives, you won't sign up for the positives.

Speaker 2

Potentially that doesn't land at all You're weird.

Speaker 1

For me it's your weird person, your weird thing.

Speaker 2

I think it's. I don't have anything to say to that. Do you think that? Do you think that life is supposed to suck Like? Am I the only one in that?

Speaker 1

camp. No, I don't think it's supposed to suck. I don't think it's supposed to suck.

Speaker 2

I don't expect it to be easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a difference, dude. There's a difference to me, relatively speaking. I watched a movie yesterday. It was garbage in my opinion. It wasn't good. Pride and Prejudice Again. Some people like it. It is what it is, but I thought it was a really good perspective for me because it was a period piece from early 1800s, late 1700s.

Speaker 1

I watch movies to escape you. Watch movies to get lessons and perspective and contrast.

Hiding the downsides

Speaker 2

I think it's the best study of the human condition. I think film is. The reason we resonate so deeply with these shows and these characters is because it's parts of us. Yeah, so I know I'm weird. I'm weird, we all know that. That's awesome. I guess I mean in a good way, not a bad way. I appreciate it. I really do, because, honestly, I've always felt very weird.

Speaker 2

Well, anytime I say that, just know it's in positive, not negative. I do, I do know that. I really. I think that the there's pros and cons to me too, though. Same right the me being weird. Yeah, and that's when when we say, okay, the reason why that movie was good perspective for me is because of how crappy life was back then, relatively speaking. I mean, when you watch the film, they did a great job at making it authentic. I mean it was very clear to the point where I think the actors and the actresses purposely had worse teeth because of the time, because they were in England, and I don't know if you know this, but the English are notorious for bad teeth.

Speaker 1

The only reason I knew is because of Austin Powers. Okay, fair. And again, if you live there, I'm not making fun, I just in Austin Powers that was like a point where they just kept saying it. I was like is that a thing? I never knew that was. Is that a thing?

Speaker 2

Apparently it is, I don't know. But real quick, speaking of a lesson from a movie, that's not lessons. I'm unhappy because I eat and I eat because I'm unhappy. It's a vicious cycle. I think all of us are in vicious cycles. Another time for another episode. But the point is of pride and prejudice.

Speaker 2

It was good for me to see how much life used to be harder back then, because starting this business, growing this brand, helping people, serving impact, leading a team, running a household, being cat and dog dads, being in relationships, being holistic health, wealth, life and love has been unbelievably difficult. But the truth of the matter is how could it not be okay? I was on the treadmill yesterday. We went for a workout and I could not finish this freaking workout. So I was like gassed and I was struggle busting and the first 35 minutes were just cranking and I was like you know what? I'm going to go walk. I'm going to go walk on the treadmill and finish the 40 minutes Because I was approaching burnout and I get on the treadmill and I'm just watching. I'm just people watching, watching because it's it's in front of the wind window, so and it's a. It's a middle of a Sunday. I mean we went at 11 AM or something, 12, 12 PM, and so it's the middle of a Sunday. Everyone's at the grocery store. My gym's right next to the grocery store. I know you know that you used to work out there and I was watching.

Speaker 2

I was people watching and I had a moment where I thought to myself a lot of people are in a lot of pain and this is not me trying to be negative or judgmental. I felt bad. There was a lot of people that are in a lot of pain, particularly physically, and maybe this is mostly in America. I've a lot of my clients from all over the world have said like Americans are seriously overweight. I mean, you went to Scotland. I don't know if there was a difference or not, but in the US we have the biggest obesity problem in the world.

Speaker 2

Essentially, from my understanding, I could Google it, but I do believe that's true. But I looked around and I just had this moment of sadness for people and I thought to myself wow, life really is hard. Life is really hard. I mean, it's hard to work out every day. That's why almost no one does it.

Life's challenges and empowering beliefs

Speaker 2

Emilie and I have worked out every day for almost two and a half years and I'm not trying to brag, I'm trying to. You know that has been alarmingly difficult to sustain. I'm talking alarmingly hard and it's not like I mean we both work from home, our gym is two minutes away, we have a nice little community that's safe, that we can walk our dog in. I mean we have advantages, real advantages, and it's still unreasonably difficult. So for me, my baseline is life is kind of terrible and that's okay. Despite that, we can make it meaningful. And I just feel like that's such an empowering belief. Why? Because it's accurate. I think, if anyone has any naivete that life is easy or good or gonna be great or it's all gonna work, out I feel like life is, of course, gonna just humble the hell out of them and I just I hope.

Speaker 2

I hope that we can share the truth with people, which is life is better now in the 21st century, statistically speaking, than it's ever been. But if you want to achieve your goals, it's going to be unbelievably difficult and it's going to be full of sadness and rejection and vulnerability and courage and hardship and health challenges and family challenges and deaths and all kinds of stuff. I mean it's just statistically speaking. It's significantly better. Everyone's quality of life, statistically, globally, has increased drastically. You can research this. But the human condition by definition is just really, really, really challenging and I do feel like that's super empowering.

Speaker 1

I think life is hard? I don't think it. I think the sucks part is where I get off. It's like, eh, I mean sometimes it does, yeah, but I don't is where I get off.

Speaker 2

It's like, yeah, I mean sometimes it does yeah but I don't think would you say it's hard more than it's easy yeah, I would say they go hand in hand.

Speaker 1

That's probably a better way to say it. I think they go hand in hand. If you're trying to, if you're trying to make your life easy, you might be making it very, very hard later. And if your life is very, very, very, very hard right now and but again, even this that's a freaking blanket statement if your life is really challenging right now, in the future it won't be.

Speaker 1

That's not true necessarily yeah, maybe maybe you didn't choose the hard that you have right now and you know, maybe you're living on the street you didn't choose. That doesn't mean eventually you're going to be living in a mansion, unfortunately, right, we say. One of the questions I get asked often is what is your number one lesson from the podcast, ben? And I'll usually say I remember when we first started interviewing people I would hear this unbelievably tragic, traumatic, inhumane story that somebody has gone through and I would think to myself I'll never hear anything like that again. And then the next week I heard the same thing, just in a different way, and then it just became a pattern of oh, does everybody have one of these intense, life-changing stories? And oftentimes I'll say your adversity can be your advantage. I'm not saying it will be.

Speaker 2

I'm not saying it will be. I'm not saying because how many, how many of those? And we'll use anthony trucks as an example, because his public, his story is public, he shared it publicly. Anthony trucks is. I actually saw him, I I liked one of his posts recently and I'm I'm a big fan but and we met him in person and all that but at the end of the day, anthony's story is devastatingly bad. Yeah, his childhood was one of the worst I've ever heard, and licking boots for food and all kinds of I mean just foster care and all that. And then he was in the NFL and now he's a world-renowned speaker and now he makes a lot of money and he's at the Super Bowl and he's got a family and kids and so he's one of the. But he says this, he said this on our show, he said statistically, this is supposed to be impossible. So I'm just grateful.

Speaker 1

Well, and I love that perspective and I'm grateful for his honesty in that because, statistically speaking, his adversity became his advantage.

Speaker 2

But that's because he had a ton of self-belief and when you're around him, you know he does, you know he does. And so I've been saying that on podcasts too, because people ask me how did you do it? How did you get through all that? How did you lose three families? And how did you?

Speaker 2

I said, listen, I had two really big advantages, really big advantages. And I said I had a really, really, really, really, really powerful mind. My brain is really good. I don't know where I got it. I'm grateful. I've always been really smart and without that, no chance. Hey, no chance. And number two, I was born in a country that that invests in powerful brains and I got scholarships and financial aid that allowed me to go to one of the best tech schools in the world. And if I didn't do that, I'm not convinced I'd be here. But but and I believed in myself a ton, I believed in myself a ton. And if you take away those three things, there's no freaking way that this in its current state would be possible. And I still bank on those three things. I mean, think about it, you and I, when we go through hard times. What are the three that I bank on? At least the first two? Self-belief, and go back to the drawing board.

Speaker 1

Okay, let's whiteboard, let's mastermind, let's my brain can figure out a way to get us out of this, get us through this, to grow through this. It's a challenging episode because, again, I our goal is not to take wind out of the sails. I just think if there's too much wind being put in the sails it's potentially negative. That's all. It's just. I'm just not trying to reaffirm we had. We had someone one time that said they had the opportunity to see a very, very inspirational, motivational speaker speak and they said that was the best. That was the best speech I've ever heard in my entire life. I am so inspired I am going to crush life. And they went for a run like three or four days in a row and then they stopped Because that inspiration and that motivation and that emotion wore off, understandably. So it happens.

Speaker 1

I remember I used to get I had a bad habit of this I would get Chinese food. This was back when I lived in Uxbridge. I lived on Seagrave Street in Uxbridge. I'm not going to say the number, but I lived on Seagrave Street Back in this point and I would get Chinese food from Foodworks, which is a place down not downtown but kind of downtown and I would watch Never Back Down, one of my favorite movies of all time. It's a mixed martial arts movie. It's terrible, it's cheesy, but there's this point where he's training, getting ready for the big fight and I'd be like I got to go to the gym. I got to put this crab rangoon down and I got to go to the gym. And I would often go to the gym because I was so inspired.

Speaker 2

Crab rangoons the worst macros in the game, but so delicious.

Finding meaningful and sustainable motivation

Speaker 1

But I would literally be so motivated and so inspired that I would go to the gym. But that's not going to work every time. It's not sustainable, it's not. Motivation and inspiration to me are a fuel that burns very hot, but very quickly. I think purpose and I think passion and I think reverse engineering, regret, those things are fuels that burn much, much slower, much, much cooler but for a longer period of time, and that's really what this episode, to me, is about.

Speaker 1

If you feel better when you hear stuff like that awesome. If you feel better and then you go like that awesome. If you feel better and then you go do better, that's even better. But if you just feel better, I can't guarantee. I can't guarantee anything, no matter what, but I can't guarantee that your life's going to get better. I want that for you. Yeah, I do want you to feel better, but not at the expense of your future being not as bright, and obviously there's levels to that right. So that would be kind of what I would. What I would wrap up with is just like one of the things I heard a lot as a kid is it wasn't super serious, but I heard it enough to remember it life sucks. Then you die. I thought something I heard often when I was younger. That's not true.

Speaker 2

Yeah, that's toxic, that's too depressing, that's too far on the other end. So if somebody I remember I heard these are the best years of your life in high school, I heard that over and over.

Speaker 1

Too far on the other end it's not true, but and I said god- but, if somebody, oh if I was talking to somebody and they said, well, kevin, doesn't, it doesn't matter, life sucks, and then you die, my advice to them would be drastically different than what I'm saying on this podcast. It would be that's not, alan, that's not true. I can imagine that maybe some of the people that you grew up around, or maybe you were raised by, probably felt that way, but that's because they don't have purpose like you do. That's because they don't have their thing. They don't have their mission. Your life is going to be very, very bright. It's very possible for you to turn things around.

Speaker 2

That's why I always try to say sorry to interrupt you. That's why I always try to say life sucks, but despite that, you can make it meaningful and fulfilling. One without the other is the bumper sticker. Yeah that's fair.

Speaker 2

Life is really hard but despite that that, you can create a meaningful, fulfilling life out of that hard If xyz. And so I don't like to ever say just the blanket statement of life sucks. That's not true. Life doesn't just suck, life Kind of sucks. But despite that, if you believe in yourself, if you improve yourself, if you take action, if, if, if, then you can make it meaningful and fulfilling and your adversity can become your advantage, especially if you have the humility to get a coach or a mentor. And I've had dozens of coaches and mentors and, truth be told, in hindsight, a lot of them didn't know what the hell they were talking about, but some of them definitely did. We talked about one earlier and it was yeah, he was more right than I thought and I'm very grateful. I've had a lot of coaches and mentors in corporate and all that kind of stuff. So, yeah, the guidance wasn't perfect, but it was certainly better than no guidance and it definitely wasn't as good as what hopefully we're providing on this show.

Speaker 1

So tough one. Tough one. I knew this would be a tough episode. Alan's been wanting to do this for weeks and I kept pushing it off, not because I didn't think it it would be valuable, but just because it's really hard to strike the find the middle in stuff like this. It's hard to find the middle, it's hard to find five, it's hard to drive to five when it comes to stuff like this. But hopefully you enjoyed. If you are looking for a group of like-minded positive humans who are into growth, I know maybe you feel lonely. It's easy to feel lonely now. It's easy to segment yourself off from other people. It's hard to be yourself. It's hard to put yourself out there to talk about what you really care about. If you care deeply about self-improvement and improving your life, join Next Level Nation, our private Facebook group. You'll be safe there to grow, and it is watered daily.

Speaker 2

So this episode was built on bumper sticker self-improvement. The reason I personally like I love podcasting. I do Top three coaching, training, podcasting. Those are my top three, but podcasting is third for a reason, and the reason why is because I adore customizing the strategy, customizing the advice, customizing the guidance, customizing the habits, customizing the metrics to you, specifically Because we have to cast a wider net on this show and we have to talk a little bit more holistically, whereas if you coach with me, you can book a free session.

Speaker 2

My free 30-minute link will be in the show notes and I'll take you through the whole program. I'll take you through what it's like. I offer monthly, bi-weekly and weekly and you can start monthly and build if you want, and it's definitely super, super affordable more than you think. So reach out Book. But ultimately, my favorite thing is the fact that I get to completely customize everything to you, specifically your context, your goals, your core values, your lifestyle, what's meaningful to you, progress, purpose toward goals. And on the podcast, we have to talk very high level and that's why Kevin and I are constantly pitching and catching of well, what about someone over here and what about someone over there? And it's really good. I like that. We do that holistically, but coaching is much more targeted to you specifically as always, we love you.

Speaker 1

As much as it might not seem in this episode, trust me, it's from a place of love, heart driven. But no bs, we appreciate you, we are grateful for each and every one of you and at nlu we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host