Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1802 - The Identity Problem…
Have you ever wondered if you need to be something before you can become it? Today, Kevin and Alan talk about the challenges of identity and achievement. They explore the critical differences between identifying as something versus doing the actions required to become that thing. Whether you're someone who needs to achieve before identifying as an achiever or someone who naturally embodies a role before stepping into it, this episode offers valuable insights into how these approaches impact personal growth and public perception.
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Show notes:
(1:58) Believing in yourself and identifying as an achiever
(5:55) Public criticism and the fear of being seen as a failure
(12:02) Contextual identity
(17:20) The balance between public perception and self-identity
(20:31) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://bit.ly/3yL3Jfq
(22:10) Faking it
(28:16) The impact of core wounds
(35:00) Have more certainty
(37:01) Outro
That's why it's so hard, because it's they could be faking it also. That's the thing is. I fake it by saying I'm not it. Other people fake it by saying that they are it.
Speaker 2:I just hope everyone listening figures out which extreme they're on, and the downside of my side is definitely you will be seen as more arrogant and more delusional and you will definitely be criticized more publicly and you'll be seen as a hypocrite if you do change your mind you, next Level Nation.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today for episode number 1802, the identity problem. So Alan and I were talking before this episode and we were thinking what are we going to talk about? What do we want to talk about? What are we going through, what are clients going through? What are the lessons we're learning? Whatever? And then we started talking about identity, and I know we do a lot of episodes about identity, but alan was talking about how it's really hard to achieve something if you do not identify as an achiever. And then the conversation was well for me at least. I think I'm different than alan in the fact that I have to go do something before I identify as it, and alan just identifies as it and then does the behaviors that somebody who identifies as it would do. This goes very hand in hand.
Speaker 2:Sorry, no, you're good. This goes very hand in hand with what we talked about yesterday regarding perception versus behavior. This is very similar. So I was on with a potential client yesterday shout out to this person, if you're listening and she was talking about how she's been struggling and how she's. She was very vulnerable. I really appreciated this. She's struggling to believe in herself.
Speaker 2:She also said something that I thought was very powerful. I'll keep it anonymous. She said I don't understand how people put themselves out there and get villainized and attacked by people and how that doesn't bother them. It would. It would crush me and I really did appreciate her sharing that and I said it comes down to the core wound and I think in some cases it probably does crush them. Maybe they just, maybe it's their ego protecting them. I don't know.
Speaker 2:But ultimately she said I want to achieve this, I want to achieve this, I want to achieve this. I just don't. I'm not dreaming anymore. She said the last time I dreamed was a long time ago. I feel like I don't set goals. I'm so scared to set goals, particularly publicly, because I don't want to be a hypocrite.
Speaker 2:All this stuff, we were getting to the core. I mean, we were really getting to the core of the of the problems and I was thinking to myself you need to just start really, really, really small and start building belief. Because I said to her I said it's going to be really hard. You have these things you want to achieve in life and I said do you do identify as an achiever? She said no. I said it's. It's going to be really hard for you, I think, to achieve a lot in life without identifying as an achiever. And for anyone out there listening or watching this, do you identify as an achiever? I have my achievements on my wall behind me. I identify as an achiever. That's not necessarily Kevin's forte. Kevin wouldn't have his awards on the wall behind me. I identify as an achiever. That's not necessarily Kevin's forte. Kevin wouldn't have his awards on the wall, partially because most people think you're a ding-dong. The other piece of it is you're not identifying as an achiever and maybe all the awards that you've gotten are hidden somewhere. I'm kidding.
Speaker 1:Throw most of them away.
Speaker 2:Throw most of them away. You did throw your bodybuilding trophies away. Yeah, no, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, no, that means something. It means something. It doesn't matter. I know I won, that doesn't matter, doesn't?
Speaker 2:matter. It means something, it's not. I mean, it's really just a hunk of metal.
Speaker 2:Obviously it doesn't mean anything. Cool, you won a Grammy in 1978. But here's the thing right, certifications and degrees, I mean how do you know when someone's credible? This is an interesting philosophical discussion. I mean, if I was certified in IFS, would you look at me differently? The answer is yes, and you should. Does that mean everything? No, but it does mean something. I just was on with another client earlier not a client, a potential client and they, they talked about how they were disc certified, the disc assessment, many people, personality tests, their leadership, they and he said I have 300 missions flown, he was in the military leadership. I said because, listen, you want to do workshops on leadership. You have to identify people, have to identify you as a leader. So what does a leader mean? What does a leader do? How do you do that? So so this achiever. Back to that. I said it's going to be very hard for you to act like an achiever when you don't identify as an achiever see, I don't agree how do you act like something without identifying with it?
Speaker 1:You do the behavior that's uncomfortable but you know is necessary. So you've been running. Are you a runner? No, I'm not running. I don't run anymore. My legs are Jeffed. No, were you a runner when?
Speaker 2:you were running no, so it's almost like you have to do something long enough. When did you become a podcaster?
Speaker 1:episodes in, it took you 150 episodes I was a podcaster even when I had a youtube channel well, I know, but that's why, again, you're delusional in one direction, I'm delusional in the other, that's all it is well which one is detrimental?
Speaker 2:right they both are. We've talked about it, right one?
Speaker 1:yours is more publicly detrimental. Mine is more privately detrimental because you were not a podcaster. You didn't have a podcast and I. The reason I call that out is because it didn't, it just didn't exist. It wasn't a podcast, it was a youtube channel, but it was gonna be a podcast but it wasn't. I was gonna be, but it became a podcast.
Speaker 2:Uh, technically yes, that's, but that's exactly it you and I podcasted together and we created a podcast and we yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm.
Speaker 1:All I'm saying is, I think your, yours is. You're gonna face more public criticism right and I will face more behind the scenes personal criticism from myself that is is very, very powerful. That's the only reason I say the RSS feed. You know what I don't want to shit on you. It's not that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, but it's just.
Speaker 1:That is your end of delusion. That's all it's just. And mine. I would never tell somebody I had a podcast, until it was somewhat successful probably.
Speaker 2:Like, yeah, no, we have one. It's got 150 episodes. I remember one time I was talking to you, kev, and I was talking about the marathon that I did, and you said something along the lines of when you say things that you've already done, it doesn't sound arrogant when you talk about things you're going to do it sounds arrogant it can.
Speaker 2:I think yeah, to me those are almost identical and I know this sounds really weird and there'll be a lesson. Before I did the marathon, I already knew I was going to eventually do one, so it's the exact same thing for me. After I did the marathon, the only difference is how hard it was, but there was no difference in whether or not I intended on doing it. Like, when I talked about doing a marathon, I used to say I think I could run 25 miles without stopping and I remember I had a friend who said you're out of your mind. I said I think I could. I'm talking slow, really slow, right, right, right. And eventually it was a walk, so I couldn't do it.
Speaker 2:The half marathon was easy. The full marathon was actually ridiculously difficult, doesn't matter. The point is is that I always knew I was gonna do it eventually. So it it felt the same to me. So before I did the triathlon, I didn't identify as a triathlete because I only did one triathlon. But I I don't consider it bragging to say, hey, I'm going to do a triathlon. I don't think that's arrogant at all, I'm just going to do it. I'm not saying it is. Do you think it comes off that way?
Speaker 1:If you never do it, yeah, what's the distance between when you say you're going to do it and when you do it?
Speaker 2:That's how arrogant that is.
Speaker 1:So time perspective yeah yeah, I think that's how arrogant people will think you are. Whoa, I think. Again, I don't know. This is coming from emotionally driven Kev. I don't. I don't. You know how many people I've heard tell me they're going to be something and just didn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess I never really thought about that Most people.
Speaker 1:I watched a little bit of it because I'm I'm again. I've fallen out of love with joe rogan, but he had adam sandler on and I was like oh, I gotta check this out, that's it. I mean that you want to talk about a guest, I gotta check this out.
Speaker 1:And they were talking about how, in high school, adam sandler said he was going to be a comedian yeah and then he went and did all the other stuff that he said he had, you know, he needed to do in order to become a comedian. But how many of the people that told him they were going to be something ended up being what they said they were going to be? I don't know. The number's probably not big, though I think there's always someone who does it, but it's not. It's a very small percentage of people that actually say they're going to do it and then do it.
Speaker 2:Are you afraid to be this person again, again, anonymously? They're so afraid to put themselves out there because if they don't do it, they're afraid to be seen as a failure.
Speaker 2:or a hypocrite and one of the core fears of emotionally driven people is being seen as a failure. But in a way, it almost guarantees you're not going to shoot shots. You're not going to shoot as many shots. I mean, you look at people. They, I mean people who say I'm going to shoot as many shots. I mean you look at people. I mean people who say I'm going to be in the NFL one day. Well, the chances of you getting in the NFL are very low, but they're much higher if you say you're going to do it and actually be intentional about it.
Speaker 1:No one's going to stumble upon the NFL. I mean, some people actually do. As long as you're intentional, though, there's a big difference between saying something and intending on it those two very different things extremely. It's very easy to say something in a moment why do I want to be a student here?
Speaker 2:why? Why do people say things they don't intend on? I've changed my mind. There have been many times where I've like said I'm going to do something. I'm like, ah, you know what? No, I'm gonna, can that? But I've never said something without the intention of doing it.
Speaker 1:It's easy to say you're going to do something until you find out what is required of you to do it. Maybe it's just a lack of awareness. I said I was going to do a bodybuilding show, intending on doing it, but it was way worse than I thought and I didn't want to do it. The only reason I did it is because I said I would Really it. I didn't want to do it. The only reason I did it is because I said I would.
Speaker 1:Really I didn't. It was way worse than I thought, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Again, that's a piece of me I will never get back.
Speaker 2:That's a good lesson, because you put yourself out there by saying you're going to do it, so you kind of put yourself in that public scrutiny which forced you to actually do it.
Speaker 1:But that was detrimental, I know but and completely, completely understandable that this person doesn't want to put themselves out there and look like a failure publicly, because it might also make you do things that aren't good for you. That bodybuilding show was not good for me Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, anything and it was bad for me.
Speaker 2:It was detrimental to my health.
Speaker 1:So when you were running, how long would it take for you to be running in order to identify as a runner? Probably man, I think there's always just there's justifications and there's levels, Because if I was hanging out with somebody who also identified as a runner, I would probably there'd be levels. So it might be. I mean, I run, but I'm not like you. I'm not waking up at 5, am going for 15 mile runs. I do a couple miles here and there. I think there would be justification.
Speaker 2:Everything's contextual. In that sense I would say so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's very interesting and maybe this is why I have a different perspective than you. When I talk to so I do a lot of podcast breakthrough sessions with podcasters, one of the things they say is well, you're the expert, you're the professional, you have years and years and years of experience. Boom, boom, boom. It's almost like they won't even say they're a podcaster Because in their mind it's way less than I am, but it's not. I have a lot of episodes, but you're still a podcast. You have a podcast, but you do the same thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Remember when we interviewed.
Speaker 1:Julian. Remember when we interviewed Julian Wynn? Yeah, yeah yeah, I'm sure I said something along the lines of, yeah, I'm into martial arts, but not like you. Or yeah, I'm a martial artist but not like you, julian, because the truth of the matter is I'm not. There are levels, there are contextual levels to everything.
Speaker 2:Right, it doesn't mean you're not a fighter. It just means you aren't an Olympic fighter or whatever. Whatever level he's at, it just depends in the room Just because? You're not a black belt doesn't mean you don't do jujitsu right it depends on who you're talking to. If that's the case, then then you're not an achiever compared to Elon Musk, or whatever.
Speaker 1:And again, please don't associate me with anyone. Yeah right, Please don't associate any human being other than the two on this podcast right now Associate me with Emilia and. Kevin. I don't know if it's that easy though, because I don't know. I just think it's like an energetic emotional understanding that there are levels to everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course Well when are you a pilot? When you're in pilot school? Are you a pilot? Is it 100 miles or 100 trips? I mean, you always are and you never are Exactly, yeah, philosophically, but when do you identify as it? Okay, and again, this is the sort of meta thinking when you're the leader.
Speaker 1:When you're the leader when you're in the cockpit and the person the co-pilot has less miles or less hours or less missions than you do, that's when you identify as it.
Speaker 2:For me, but this is the conundrum, because you're never going to be the pilot unless you first identify in advance. I'm eventually going to be a pilot I.
Speaker 1:I wonder if wanting to be it is enough. I don't know when you.
Speaker 2:Well, so here's the. There's a book called atomic habits by james clear. I recommend it to all my clients. I just recommended it, actually yesterday. Uh, shout out to you, andrew, what's up man? Uh, he's like what, what book should I do next? He did the compound effect. He said atomic habits or high performance habits. I was like atomic habits. Both of them are good, though both of them are good, okay. In that book he talks about the three circles the. The center is identity, then after that it's the process and and then after that it's results. If you want a certain result, you first have to embody a new identity.
Speaker 2:Or you have to start doing a behavior that's going to give you that identity, and he says this in the book. This is my favorite quote. One of my favorite quotes in the book Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you want to become AKA. Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you want to become AKA. Every action you take is a vote for the type of identity you want to hold. We're going to read a book. I'm really hoping that this book wins the next vote for book club and, seriously, anyone listening, please vote for this book.
Speaker 2:It's Identity Shift by our friend, anthony Trucks. Even that, right there I said my friend and I know he would say the same same honestly. But see how he shifts his identity really quickly. It's almost like if you wanted to be my business partner, you would have to decide that in your imagination in advance and then go make that happen. There's something here. I don't know what that means, but if you don't I said this to kev earlier and I meant it. Brother the amount we're going to achieve together is going to be harder if you don't identify as an achiever.
Speaker 2:It already is harder what already is what's the downside of you not identifying as an achiever? Why don't we just have you identify as an?
Speaker 1:achiever, and then it doesn't work that way, because then I feel like I'm faking it till I make it. It's not not how it works Even if you align with it. I've been aligned with it for the last seven years and you still don't identify as an achiever. I feel like I don't go through life thinking. I'm in my fucking chair. I don't go through life thinking I'm an achiever. It's not a conscious thought.
Speaker 2:But you're a bodybuilder. Because I've been body thought, but you're a bodybuilder, because I've been bodybuilding but you've been achieving too. I mean, you've achieved more than most.
Speaker 1:I think it's different, I don't know. It probably just takes longer, like I need X amount of results before I identify as something.
Speaker 2:What would happen for you to achieve, to identify as an achiever. The irony is you might not achieve it until after you identify as it. Maybe I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't. I don't think that's the way it works for me. I just started telling people I was the the chief sales officer of the business just now. How long have you been doing sales of the business Just?
Speaker 2:now, how long have you been doing sales? Seven years.
Speaker 1:Not really, probably five.
Speaker 2:That's a hell of a turnover rate.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying. It takes Kevin, seven years to identify Either. Maybe you're on one extreme and I'm on the other extreme, and maybe I'm further on the extreme than I realized. I don't know. I'm really good at just doing the behavior until I believe in it. I'm really good at just doing the behavior until I believe in it. I'm not. 150 podcast episodes. It took me a long time before I ever felt comfortable as a podcaster.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about the pros and cons of each. The con of mine is you might be you're definitely going to be seen as delusional. Yeah, you're going to be seen as arrogant and to be seen as delusional. Yeah, you're going to be seen as arrogant and you might end up delusional and arrogant if you don't make sure you align with the identity, like you have to align with the identity. You can't just say I'm a business owner and not have a business. Yeah, you have to actually align with it. You have to make sure your behavior is tethered to your perception of self, the story you tell yourself about yourself, which is identity. So I think humility and honesty with self is critical self-awareness, because otherwise you can just.
Speaker 2:I mean, I remember I transformed the label of alcoholic for bodybuilder. I stopped drinking alcohol almost fully and I started doing all the bodybuilding. I tracked my macros and I went to the gym. I mean, when do you cross the chasm of bodybuilder? Do you have to have done a bodybuilding show to be a bodybuilder? No, you just. It's this weird, arbitrary thing that we all do for ourselves and I just hope everyone listening figures out which extreme they're on. And the downside of my side is definitely you will be seen as more arrogant and more delusional and you will definitely be criticized more publicly and you'll be seen as a hypocrite if you do change your mind. The downside of Kev's side is whoa, it's going to take longer for you to actually be intentional with the things. Like, you identified as a baseball player and you identified as an all-star baseball player, but you didn't decide in advance to be an all-star baseball player and I would love.
Speaker 2:I wish I could put you in a time machine and coach you and be like kev. Instead, this time, I want you to decide in advance to be an all-star baseball player. Can you imagine how much better you would have been?
Speaker 1:if you actually tried to do that, I didn't want to play baseball Then why In the? Beginning, my mom made me. Fair, I just I didn't want to be a speaker either. I don't want to be a speaker. Do you now? Do you start just to be a speaker? Yeah, I love speaking. Now I don't want to be a speaker.
Speaker 2:Do you now? Yeah, I love speaking now, I don't get it.
Speaker 1:I think I'm world class. I had a podcast breakthrough session today where we were talking about speaking and I was like whoa, I know way more about speaking than I thought this is awesome.
Speaker 2:And you identify as a speaker now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Nice yeah.
Speaker 1:But it's not 0 or 10. There's a bunch of slots in between.
Speaker 2:Yeah you remember when I forget where we were, but someone, one of the things that was said, maybe it was an event. I think this event was hot garbage, to be completely honest, but there was one thing that was said yeah, that was really powerful.
Speaker 2:Which was the people I don't know which event this was, I don't think it was florida the people that are. They need to self-identify. The people you want to help need to self-identify. So, for example, if I said I'm looking to help achievers start, grow and scale their business online, if you don't identify as an achiever, you're not going to think I'm talking to you 100%. How detrimental is that? Because how many people want to start, grow and monetize a business eventually that don't identify as achievers? A lot, a lot, that's really no wonder why I suffer.
Speaker 1:Okay, what's the difference between helping achievers and helping someone else?
Speaker 2:The people who identify as achievers typically are willing to grind more Typically.
Speaker 1:Not always. Wouldn't you also argue that some of the again?
Speaker 2:not villainizing anybody.
Speaker 1:Some of the people are also over and arrogant.
Speaker 2:I would say they lack. I would say their biggest weakness is almost always humility that's why it's so hard, because it's they could be faking it also. Yeah, more of them are than I thought, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:That's the that's the thing is, I fake it by saying I'm not it. Other people fake it by saying I'm not it. Other people fake it by saying that they are it.
Speaker 2:But it's such an arbitrary line in the sand.
Speaker 1:I know we're podcasters. It's an internal thing.
Speaker 2:Because, think about it, if I identify as an achiever, that basically becomes more and more true the more I achieve, right? Yeah, I was identifying as an achiever when I was 14, deciding to get straight A's in high school. It just became more and more true over time. I think where it becomes maybe arrogant is when you don't, when you continue identifying as it even though you're not. It like when you went to the carnival and thought you were still awesome at baseball. It's like an old identity that needed to be shed because you're obviously not what you once were Definitely not. This is what are the implications to your side of it and how do we? Just checking the time? How do we help people? Oh, we are.
Speaker 1:Jeffed. We're out here Jeffing today. Ah man.
Speaker 2:Is this a big one for you? Is this like a trigger thing for you?
Speaker 1:No, no, we're not going to be able to get two episodes done, we're only going to get one done, and we're doing 14 episodes this week. So I'm freaking out because I'm supposed to be traveling and all this heavy jazz. No, no, for me it's. I don't know. I feel like more people are, probably more people have probably lived my experience than yours, and I don't know if I have a good, I don't know if I have a good answer. I just do the uncomfortable thing long enough until I eventually get somewhat comfortable, and then then eventually it's like oh yeah, I am good at this or I am this now.
Speaker 2:Based on external validation.
Speaker 1:Probably.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so if other people identify, you.
Speaker 1:It's almost like if I was to be in a room with 100 people. I have to be able to help at least 50 people with the thing. 51 people, well, 50 people. And then it's like I am that now Because, again, I don't know what's worse Identifying as something and getting the opportunity and then failing miserably and then saying, well, maybe I'm not that after all, or just waiting longer, longer, longer, longer, longer.
Speaker 2:I don't know last thing you and I went to an event. We've told the story before. I went in saying I'm a speaker, having given speeches, right, and I compared myself to brennan burchard at the event and I left with all the humble pie, feeling terrible about myself because he was a decade ahead of me, at least thousands and thousands and thousands of speeches ahead of me, and I realized how far behind I was. You went into that event thinking you were going to suck. You weren't even going to belong in the audience and then you ended up helping a ton of people in the audience. Coming back on Cloud9. And that was the one time where we think you got arrogant. What, if that was the one time you actually felt good about Kev?
Speaker 1:I mean I did, but I went over for sure. I definitely went over. I mean I did, but I went over for sure. I definitely went over Fair, fair For sure. But that was, it was proof, that was a line in the sand of oh, maybe this is something, maybe this is something it's, I don't know. For me it just it depends. Compared to you, I am a martial artist. Compared to Julian, I am a hobbyist at best.
Speaker 2:At best. Okay, now do both simultaneously. What are you? It depends on who I'm around. No, no, no, no, like globally. Uh yeah, martial artist Globally, cool, that's that's what, globally? Okay, maybe we found the answer. Maybe that's the answer. You have the floor, you have the ceiling. I'm a podcaster.
Speaker 1:You put me in a room with you give me a hundred people. Odds of there being somebody in the room that has more podcast episodes is so low. What are the chances? Yeah, unless it's you.
Speaker 2:No, no, it's true, but I wonder when? What about when you were at 150? No less, yeah, less. So you just become it more and more and more and more. You align with it, more and more and more and more the only.
Speaker 1:I think that's why it's hardest in the beginning how?
Speaker 2:how do you intentionally pour into something you don't identify as that's interesting? I've never I don't know if I've ever done that you practice the behaviors that you know.
Speaker 1:People say act as if. Act as if you are the type of person whatever, whatever the freaking quote is I don't know what it is- do you identify act in?
Speaker 2:alignment no you are, though no, okay, what's the definition? This is all definition based. What is the definition of a public figure?
Speaker 1:I. I don't know other than the time where I chose public figure on instagram.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I've ever once thought about it, but I don't know if I've ever once thought it's very important for you to again playing devil's advocate here if we don't identify as public figures, we won't behave accordingly like I'm purposely planning in advance, emilia and I's I mean, we purposely don't give out our address, all kinds of stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah, I do that for I don't know safety more than anything. There are implications to being and I'm married. It's different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there are implications to being a public figure that you need to think of in advance. Okay, when will you be a public figure?
Speaker 1:When more of the public figures to care about me.
Speaker 2:I would say probably Some arbitrary line, like someone recognizes you on the street.
Speaker 1:There's a reason. There's A-list, B-list, C-list, D-list. Actors and actresses.
Speaker 2:There's a reason, but there's so many actors that are on the A-list that decided in advance, I know, but there's so many actors that are on the A-list.
Speaker 1:That decided in advance, I know. But all I'm saying is, at a party, the C-list might say, yeah, I'm an actor, but I'm not like Tom Cruise over there, I'm not like Leo. I'm doing it, I'm trying. I think that's out of self-preservation, so it. Because, on your end, if somebody was to say to you like, well, what have you been in? Well, you know, I've been in a couple small things, but I'm working really hard to make my way to the proverbial top, you're losing all credibility right there. Well, that's cool, I'm good for you. I'm going to go hang out with Tom. This goes back to core wounds.
Speaker 2:I don't think I would care.
Speaker 1:That wouldn't bother me at all. That's probably what it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, whereas you would.
Speaker 1:I need to prove to myself that I can actually stay. I don't want to identify something that I can't live as Pass.
Speaker 2:Pass. This is similar to the thing we talked about last episode, where the guy comes and says what's your height and what's your weight, and then they get found out and what's your weight?
Speaker 1:and then they get found out.
Speaker 2:Is that what it feels?
Speaker 1:like yeah, I don't want to get found out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't want to get found out. Oh, I don't want to get found out, because what that's going to do to me behind the scenes is way worse than anything somebody's going to say to me. I have to live with whatever that is forever.
Speaker 2:Makes sense. This person I was on the session with, do you wonder that? How people get so villainized and they're still okay.
Speaker 1:I wonder it less. But well now, no, now it's just not their core wound, so it's Makes sense. Now it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 2:I figured.
Speaker 2:I mean again obviously it still sucks but not to the degree that it would for me. I last thing I said that six times, emilia I figured out why conscious couples podcasts is so hard for me. It's unlovable. It's connected to love. I mean this is too, but not nearly to the same extent right. So we did a relationship talks virtual event on yesterday, thursday, and Emilia is coming up and speaking and she does a really good job, but she's got way less reps than you and I.
Speaker 2:So if, if you and I were to give an event and she and I were to give an event, you and I would do a better job in the performance. I think the value of the content would probably be better. On the other one, quite frankly, uh, less pictures of kev bodybuilding kidding. But but ultimately, you're a better speaker, you are. You're more you're. You can have conversational agility. I can interrupt you and you're good, it's not. You're more concise. You're more effective at transcoding. You can get the value delivered better. You're just a better orator. Order order. I was insecure as hell yesterday because I'm so far ahead, not behind. I realize that I'm insecure and she's like Alan, you're good, I want you to be ahead. Normally, that hurts my relationships. Being better than is usually detrimental to my relationships.
Speaker 1:That's really good for mine. I love it. I'm a huge fan Of being yeah, hate it for sure. Absolutely, I'm so used to being behind. It makes sense, it makes sense, it makes total sense. She said I love talking to people who are new behind.
Speaker 2:I like it better. That makes sense. So anyways, it's. It's it's way harder to podcast with her and to do events with her, because it's connected to my heart more. It's the love of my life here. So if I hurt her on accident, it's different. It's so different.
Speaker 1:Well, in fairness, I think she's probably way harder to hurt than I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But you've made it this far with me and you haven't broken me yet. I think you're going to be fine. But again, logically, yes, emotionally, it doesn't matter what you say, kev, it doesn't matter, it's not you don't get it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, understandably, yeah this is it's.
Speaker 1:It's a very interesting thing. It's a very interesting topic because for me, I would never I don't know if I would give that advice to someone. Not that I'm not, I'm not saying it's almost like just believe in yourself more, just identify as the thing before you become it. No, I don't think I will. I don't think that's how it works for me. I think I have to go do it and prove to myself that I could become the person who is capable of becoming that eventually.
Speaker 2:And then you build the belief in the real world so that you don't get crushed when you lose credibility in a public, in a public thing if the core here is being seen as a failure, it would make sense that you would purposely not put yourself on any pedestals yeah, makes sense.
Speaker 1:It's almost like I'll go, let me go bodybuild for 15 years behind the scenes and then eventually I'll come out and then I'll let people see me then when I'm enough. Quote unquote you think james clear, how much self-belief does James Clear have? Do you think? Yeah, very high. Probably got to be pretty high. Yeah, it's very high. So even that, because people ask me on podcasts how did you, why didn't you ever stop? They always ask that.
Speaker 1:And I said, well, the longer we do it, the easier it gets In terms of I'm not just going to wake up one day after 1500 episodes and say I think that was good, that was good, that was a good amount, because it's easier to do more episodes now than it used to be. Other parts of life are more challenging and more pressure and all that. But I said it eventually became this is how I say it, this is literally how I say it. It eventually became part of my identity. I'm a podcaster. I'm a consistent human being who never misses. When I say I'm going to do something, I do it. It is part of our identity as a brand. That seven episodes, an episode every single day, in your pocket, from anywhere on the planet completely free. That's a piece of our identity as a brand, but that's also a piece of Alan and I's identity. But you probably had that long before I did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:A brand is an identity of a company that you just maybe soon died too.
Speaker 2:Brand is an identity of a company.
Speaker 1:That's ultimately what that is. Yeah, so this is good.
Speaker 2:So which end are you on for the listeners, which end are you on and what are the implications of that? And that's pretty much it. I don't want to tell anyone to do anything they don't want to do. But if you do have the core wound Kevin has of, like you don't want to put yourself beforehand, because then when you do it it really is going to crush you potentially.
Speaker 1:It's potentially. That's where do you have imposter? Isn't that what imposter syndrome is? Isn't the imposter syndrome the fear of somebody questioning something? You identify as as much as you identify as it as much.
Speaker 2:I think everything is different for you and I and I had this with a client yesterday. I said I think our version and this is someone who identifies on my end our version of imposter syndrome is I know that I don't know Meaning. I know so much. I know there's so much more to learn, like in business. I know that I know more than 99.9% of all humans about business. I'm certain of that. But I know so much that I know how much I don't know. So that to me is imposter syndrome. I don't have any of the someone's going to find me out thing. I mean, there's none of that.
Speaker 1:So interesting.
Speaker 2:What if you did get found out? There's nothing to find out.
Speaker 1:It's got to be something, so maybe that's all it is when I cross a certain chasm in podcasting.
Speaker 2:I don't think there's anything I'm going to find out. Maybe that's what it is.
Speaker 1:I think it's certainty. You just have more certainty in what you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, again, it's not that simple In your skill sets, but I've been rocked before and wrong about that I just happened to. One of my mentors was the CEO of a billion dollar robotics company, so I mean he would have found me out for sure. So, I've been in those rooms, I just know where I stand in this. But there have been times when I didn't just like the Brendan Burchard thing.
Speaker 1:That, in a way, was me being found out right so well. That affected you at the identity? Yeah, it did, and that's for me it did too, but in the other way, like I'm the freaking- man did you know, all the work has been paying off. That's all it was. It was just a representation that all the work had been paying off, and now I could identify as yep whatever that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it almost retethered us both closer to the truth, but then we overswung. I went under, you went over. This is an awesome episode, yeah.
Speaker 1:Very interesting one for sure. If it sounded like Alan and I were arguing at all. We weren't, or we were, I don't know. Alan likes to call it something, I like to call it, I think it's. Usually I'm trying to figure out what my truth is and I don't know it yet. Healthy Discord. Healthy Discord, he says. I don't think so. I think it was a conversation amongst friends.
Speaker 1:But, again, that's all. Just a label with a different definition. That's the other thing too. It is, it's all. How do you label yourself? Because there's some people out there that would say it's dangerous to label yourself. I think in some cases it probably is, and on the other end, sometimes it's dangerous not to label yourself. Maybe Do we know anything, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't freaking know. I think we know a lot, but we also know we know not a lot. Yeah, it's hard, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:If you want to know a lot, or maybe learn that you don't know anything about anything or a lot about something I don't know. Your experience is going to be personal. For sure, make sure you're subscribed so you can hear us blunder through deep conversations seven days a week and you never miss an opportunity to get to the next level. And Alan, talk about your things and stuff and things, stuff and things.
Speaker 2:Yep, things, stuff and things. Yep. I the my favorite work in the entire world. I had someone who I've been coaching now for basically two months. She said I really appreciate this. This has been awesome. I've been getting a lot of love lately for my client, so I really appreciate. I got also got an audio yesterday, so it's my favorite work in the world helping other people be more successful, achieve your goals and dreams. The reason why this whole episode came up is because I've been starting to really ask my clients do you identify as an achiever? Because ultimately, my job is to help you achieve your goals first, be fulfilled second. So if you want help setting up the train tracks, staying on the train tracks and improving the train tracks toward your goals and dreams I adore it Please reach out.
Speaker 1:As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Please reach out.
Speaker 1:Boom, that's a good one. It's episodes like that where I don't think we know anything yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man.
Speaker 1:But,
