Next Level University

#1814 - One Reason Most People LOSE Their Results…

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Are you tired of reaching your goals only to lose your progress soon? In this episode, Kevin and Alan discuss why this happens and how to avoid it. They share their experiences and give practical tips on making your habits and identity match your goals so you can keep growing even after you’ve hit that milestone. If you’ve ever felt frustrated by losing the success you’ve worked so hard for, this episode is a must-listen.

Link mentioned:
Next Level Group Coaching - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Group 16 - The 1st call is on Tuesday, October 8, 2024, at 5 PM EST, and the group runs for 3 months. Discount Code for N.L. Group Coaching (30% off): NLULISTENER

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:50) Kevin’s relationship story
(6:01) Alan’s career challenges
(11:41) Fitness as a metaphor for sustaining success
(12:14) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
(16:21) The goal achievement system explained
(17:09) The three key components: Metrics, Habits, and Identity
(21:33) Final tho

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

If I believe it's worth it, I will practice the thing long enough to adopt the identity. If I don't, I won't. Simple I'm a bodybuilder because I'm bodybuilding again, but I didn't identify as a bodybuilder until I started doing bodybuilding workouts and tracking my it's. I just I do the behaviors and then eventually it crosses a chasm. I'm like I feel comfortable saying this again.

Speaker 2

Because that's the conundrum people are in. I don't do actions aligned with that identity, so therefore I never get the identity. Therefore, I never do the actions that are aligned with the identity. It's almost like and this is the reason you get to the goal and now what? You don't have the identity. You were just doing it for the goal and now the goal is gone. The reason why you started is gone, so now you're going to lose the goal.

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Speaker 2

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Speaker 1

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Speaker 2

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Speaker 1

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Speaker 2

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today for episode number 1,814, one reason most people lose their results Most people, many people. I don't know how to avoid losing your results. Maybe that would be a more positive title. I know Alan and I were joking and it's been negative town a little bit here over at NLU. We don't mean it that way, as we're going through evolution and we're learning new things and seeing what's working and seeing what's's not and seeing what issues our clients are having and the team is struggling with. That's kind of where we get our content from. That's where we get our inspiration from.

Speaker 1

But Alan and I were talking in the preamble today and we were talking about how one of the most dangerous things for anybody who's trying to accomplish a goal is setting the goal with the understanding that one of the benefits of getting the goal is you'll have to, you'll get to stop doing all the habits that got you there. So one of the best examples I mean there's a lot of really good examples Fitness is a good one. I'm going to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks, so I don't have to track my calories or exercise anymore. Not going to work, not going to work? Yeah, you'll get the goal. Awesome, you'll achieve the goal, and then you'll stop doing everything that you did in order to achieve the goal, and then you might actually end up worse off than you were in the first place, Because now you know way more and your awareness is much higher, and you know what you're capable of, but you're not doing the behaviors necessary to get there.

Speaker 2

Now you feel even worse about it.

Speaker 1

Yeah, now you feel really bad about it. This is one that you'll see oftentimes in relationships. One of the things I say on podcasts all the time is one of the reasons that self-improvement, personal development, ego work all of that stuff is so important, especially for intimate relationships, is because you become capable of attracting and sustaining your dream relationship. That second part is really important, and sustaining. It's very easy to find yourself in a relationship that you never thought you'd be in and then find a way to sabotage it. I've done it. Can we talk about it? I've done it, Sure.

Speaker 2

You got a relationship, your dream, what you thought was your dream relationship at the time.

Speaker 1

Yes.

Speaker 2

By being jacked. Yeah, I was jacked, and that was not enough. I was a good man. Can you tell that story?

Speaker 1

I was a very supportive, good man and this person had not been with great partners in the past. I man this is how little I knew about relationships at the time I had broken up with my partner of oh man Three and a half years Three years, three and a half years Earlier that week, I think. Then I met this person online and I remember seeing this person's profile picture and saying, my goodness, if that was to happen, this would be the best. And then we matched on whatever dating site we were using and then we started talking to each other and we ended up hanging out a week later or two weeks later and that was it. I was like I'm in, we are in a relationship now, and self-improvement wasn't even a thing at that time.

Speaker 1

But, yeah, my focus was how do I get this relationship? Yeah, I mean, I don't know, I don't want to say that that was my only focus, because it wasn't my. It wasn't my only focus, just to get the relationship. And then whatever, don't really think too much about it. After I was trying to be better and I was trying to, yeah, be sweeter and I was trying. I was trying to the the extent that I was capable of. But as the relationship grew and grew and grew, my mental health went down the toilet and that was a big reason why it didn't work.

Alan's career challenges

Speaker 2

But I don't think that relationship is that the being over your head thing. Like I, I remember I had one job what, what career? Because I grew I jumped the, climbed the corporate ladder very, very, very quickly once I did get out of college and I remember each of those jumps up the rung and I don't talk about this enough. But there were moments of I am jeffed, this is too much, this is, I'm not ready for this, and then I figured it out. You know, throw, throw in the deep end, and then you always find a way to swim you don't luckily you don't always yeah

Speaker 2

I. I did, fortunately, but it was brutal. Some of that was wait a minute, I have. My territory is like all of Western New England, now Me Personally, like I don't know what the revenue was. Probably I remember I'll share this one. I was working for a company called Sensata Technologies. I was a global product manager and I was the youngest'll share this one I was working for a company called Sensata Technologies. I was a global product manager and I was the youngest ever in the company. This used to be Texas Instruments. Remember the TI-83 calculator.

Speaker 1

Of course I remember the calculators, baby. Of course.

Speaker 2

Because Kev was playing games on them.

Speaker 1

I was, I don't remember what it was but you could download games on those you could snake. And then there was the one where you had to not hit the sides.

Speaker 2

No, there was like a legitimate. It was like mario. I don't know if I ever went that far with it I went I actually used my calculator for mathematics, not me, really no no cosine tangent, I wasn't really.

Speaker 2

You know, I don't know what we're doing here so, anyways, uh, I worked for te Instruments, became Sensata Technologies. I was a global product manager Youngest, I think, youngest, and all my colleagues who manage their own. So a product manager, for those of you who don't know you're essentially you have all the responsibility, with none of the authority, and you have to work with manufacturing, you have to work with the engineers, you're in charge of the portfolio. And I remember my boss technically my boss's, boss's boss at this big company meeting, said ah, we got Alan in there, it's 80 million right now, but he'll, he'll, he'll grow that to 120. I was like, listen, man, yup, that's me. What's happening to everybody? I'm going gonna grow it to 120 million.

Speaker 2

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I figured it out and I had a mentor and I just went and figured it out. But all the other product managers were in their 40s and 50s, some of them in their 60s, right. So I remember thinking I'm in some trouble here, and I did. I figured it out, it's all good. But an 80 million dollar portfolio when I was, what 22? I mean? What 22? I mean, what are we doing? A lot of responsibility, there's a lot of responsibility. So I found a way to allow that pressure to help me grow.

Speaker 1

Yeah, but your goal wasn't just to your goal, wasn't? I'm going to grow it from 80 to 120, and then I'm going to take my foot off the gas. No, no, of course not. I think that's the big difference, because even in that relationship I don't know if that relationship is a really good example, because I was trying, I really was, I was trying, but I was battling my own shit, so it was really hard for me.

Speaker 2

You ran over your head, though. Is that fair?

Speaker 1

Yeah, think so. Yeah, talk to us. We were very different people. I thought I wanted a certain type of partner, because I had had different types of partners in the past and it was like, well, this person's super confident and they have a lot of self-worth and I didn't understand what that meant at the time. And they had a really uh, I won't say healthy A more healthy family than anybody I had dated at the time. So that was different and they were really ambitious and I thought I was really ambitious. I was, but I wasn't as ambitious as this person. So I think I deluded myself into thinking that being in over my head was good, because I think it is sometimes. I think being in over your head is good in some occasions. I don't know if it's good in a relationship, because then you can't really be your authentic self if you're afraid your authentic self isn't enough.

Speaker 1

I think I tried to delude myself into thinking I'm the guy who likes going out all the time and I'm the guy who doesn't. Really, I'm not a homebody and I'm super outgoing and I'm an extrovert. I'm not. I don't like those things. Taryn and I yesterday were supposed to go. Yesterday was Sunday. We were supposed to go drive two hours and do a hike and do these waterfalls and all this stuff, and I get up at six.

Speaker 1

I went to the gym. I came home and she was like hey, I don't know, man, I don't really feel like driving a bunch today, cause we we drove. I had some some family stuff going on this weekend. So we drove an hour and a half, probably like four hours on Saturday. That was the majority of our day was driving. And I was like babe, you're good, I don't care, I don't care. My favorite Sundays are us laying on the couch drinking coffee and watching something. That's my favorite. After I got home from the gym and did what I have to do. That's the best, that's my favorite thing in the world. But I used to delude myself into thinking I am the type of person that likes to go out and blah, blah, blah. And you can imagine that when you court a relationship and you get the person and then you stop doing that, you can imagine that the relationship does not succeed because you're no longer the person that the other person thought you were in the beginning.

Speaker 2

I think it's very similar with goals and dreams, because Kevin and I were talking about how success we have these five S's of success. They used to be the four and then we adapted it. But the first one is sacrifice. Second one is struggle, third is suffer, and then the fourth is success. And I ask my clients all the time, which phase are you in? And usually I ask this when they're in the suffer phase, because it's like if you can stick with it, I'm telling you success is coming. But the fifth one is sustained. And so success? You can never own it. The rent is due. Every day is a motivational quote, but it's true. It's true you're not going to get in shape. And then you're good. You have to to stay in shape now, which can be. It can get really exhausting.

Speaker 1

I think it's just as hard.

Speaker 2

Think about how good of shape picture, the best in shape we've ever been. How hard, how much effort did it take to sustain that, that level, that level of lean.

Speaker 1

I see I don't, it doesn't. I don't remember it being that hard at the time.

Speaker 2

But you said that it nearly killed you.

Speaker 1

Well, that I'm not talking about bodybuilding. Bodybuilding doesn't count. Oh, I'm talking about that yeah that was the worst ever, but it's not sustainable. That's why I don't like lumping it in, because it's not sustainable to stay that lean. You couldn't do it, naturally.

Speaker 2

Hello, hello, hello. Nlu listener. Thank you, as as always, for listening to Next Level University. Real quick, I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes.

Speaker 2

The peak of the fitness show that I won. I would love to be that way, of course, forever, and I know that that's not the only reason why I got that is because of the bulks and the cuts and all that. I get it. But you can get to a place where you're. When I was doing fitness modeling I I had one photo. That was my dream photos. I remember thinking like that's, that was my dream and I could sustain that. It was hard. You can't miss hydration, you can't drink regularly, you can't like alcohol, you can't skip workouts. It was hard to sustain that level of athleticism. It's not like you. You are a triathlete and you do triathlons and then you just stop running stop swimming.

Speaker 1

Stop like it's harder now.

Speaker 2

I think it's harder now than it was back then yeah, well, that's why fitness is a weird analogy, because of when you get older, it gets harder well, yeah, life's harder now.

Speaker 1

I mean, dude, you and I had a lot more time. I remember when I went to do my bodybuilding show I already had a six-pack. I was already in really good shape when I started my bodybuilding prep. I looked back and I was like I was in better shape when I started my bodybuilding prep than I am right now. And then I went on to lose like 15 pounds. Of course I was riding the straw. I weighed like 150 pounds. It was brutal. It was brutal, but when I lived with Matt that I could do that, for sure I could do that again. It wasn't. It wasn't easy. It's not like I just went through life not worrying about everything. I tracked my calories and but I wasn't getting enough sleep. I definitely wasn't easy. It's not like I just went through life not worrying about everything. I tracked my calories and but I wasn't getting enough sleep. I definitely wasn't drinking enough water.

Speaker 2

You worked out all the time though.

Speaker 1

Five days, yes, minimum, minimum yeah, and I worked out really hard, yeah, I worked out very, very, very intensely, yeah, but all I'm saying is I know I can get back to a close place to that and it's not. I'm telling you. That's the weird thing about fitness is getting there is really hard. Staying there is harder, I think, because you don't have a specific goal necessarily yeah it's like the necessity is gone. The necessity goes away. It's like, well, I want to stay where I'm at, that's a really hard goal.

Speaker 2

I have a business owner that I'm coaching, on the relationship side actually, which is fascinating, but he said I just want to get to 200K and then I'm good, you can't.

Speaker 1

You can't.

Speaker 2

Because the moment you get there and he just got some big clients and's like he I can see him stepping off the gas. I can see it, it's brother, they're gonna go you, you, you cannot stop doing what got you to where you are, which inevitably you will do when you hit your goal we had another person in the past I've coached that said I want to get to eight grand a.

The goal achievement system explained

Speaker 2

She hit the goal and then she stopped doing all the stuff that got her to the goal and then inevitably that goes you and I, our goal is not. We didn't come into the podcasting game. I didn't. I maybe you did, I don't know. I didn't come into the podcast saying I want to podcast less. We didn't come into it going I want to do less, I want to, I want to stop eventually, and I think that's one of our greatest assets, even though it seems like it's not, it's unsexy, but we're not podcasting right now so that we can get to a certain place, so that we can stop getting better at podcasting. We're not. This is an infinite game. We're never going to stop and and, kev, you helped me create a framework earlier that just kind of I do get credit for it now broke through.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah we co-created this framework. I mean really, your conversation just sparked well, that's.

Speaker 1

I saw 75, me 25. That's fair.

The three key components: Metrics, Habits, and Identity

Speaker 2

I do that as a fair breakdown so if anyone out there wants to achieve a goal, there's three things that need to be in place in order for you to not only achieve it but sustain it. And it's taken me yeah, in some ways I'm about to be 36, almost 36 years to figure this out, which is it's not like I didn't know this, I just didn't know it consciously, and this is what I'm doing in coaching. So, every client this is free coaching for anyone who's out there who's excited to achieve goals Like this is all I'm helping people do. It's really comes down to this If you want to achieve a goal, you have to figure out what metrics you need to track in order to achieve that goal.

Speaker 2

So let's give an example. So, kevin, we did the 10 pound and 10 week challenge, just an example. Okay, so the metrics are weigh yourself, weight, calories and workouts. Number of workouts Okay, cool, all right. The system habits. So number one is metrics. Number two is habits. Okay, what are the habits? You need to exercise daily, you need to sleep at least eight hours, weigh yourself daily and you need to hydrate. So you need to get 0.6 times your body weight. So for me, I don't know, we'll call it 100 ounces a day.

Speaker 1

Okay.

Speaker 2

All right, that's the habits. Then the third piece and this is the hard one that I was talking to Kev about is the identity. We did an episode last week or the week before about hey, kev, you've come to me, you want to achieve all these things, but you don't identify as an achiever. That's the one that's really hard, because our identity dictates what we do and don't do. So you and I are not smokers, we don't smoke. So if someone offers us a cigarette, we're going to say no, why are you even offering? That's not, it's not aligned with my identity. I'm not a smoker. And this is the analogy Someone who is a smoker and knows they're a smoker, if they get offered a cigarette, they are much more likely. They've done research on this. They're so much more likely to the research study shows people who identify as a smoker and people who identify as not a smoker. One of them is saying I'm trying to quit. I'm a smoker, but I'm trying to quit. The other one is I'm not a smoker. The I'm not a smoker group is so much more effective at quitting cigarettes.

Speaker 2

The identity level. And here's the thing how do you shift your identity? You shift your identity with your behavior. You're a podcaster. It took you 150 podcast episodes to identify as a podcaster. Here's my question how the hell did you do 150 things that was not aligned with your identity in order to get the identity? Because that's the conundrum people are in. I don't do actions Aligned with that identity, so therefore I never get the identity. Therefore, I never do the actions that are aligned with the identity. It's almost like and this is the reason you get to the goal and now what you don't have? The identity. You were just doing it for the goal and now the goal is gone. The reason why you started is gone, so now you're going to lose the goal.

Speaker 1

Yeah Well, I think what worked really well for me is I didn't outwardly identify myself as the thing that I didn't believe I was. I don't like to draw attention to myself with stuff that I'm not confident in yet. I don't like to, because that's just the imposter thing. When you feel like an imposter, the last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourself, so you're not going to self-identify as it, because if you're in a group of people and they say what do you do, you're not going to say I'm a podcaster. Now, eventually it crosses a chasm and now it's the coolest thing in the world and I love it because it's a really good conversation starter. Why didn't you like it before? Because I I believed that their judgment of what I said I was was more important than my judgment of what I said I was. And now it's like I mean, what are you gonna say? What do you and what are you gonna say? And I have results now, I think at the time.

Speaker 2

But you wouldn't unless you did the things that a podcaster does. That's yeah, but I for me it's different.

Speaker 1

I do the stuff and then eventually I believe I am in. I'm weird with that. If I believe it's worth it, I will practice the thing long enough to adopt the identity. If I don't, I won't. Simple, it's very. I think it's like a very cut and dry. I don't know why I'm weird with stuff like that. I'm weird. I'm a bodybuilder because I'm bodybuilding again, but I didn't identify as a bodybuilder until I started doing bodybuilding workouts and tracking my I just I do the behaviors and then eventually it crosses a chasm and I'm like I feel comfortable saying this again it depends, it's not super helpful, because I know we gotta jump.

Final thoughts and group coaching invitation

Speaker 2

But for anyone out there, ask yourself this you have a goal. Make sure your metrics, your habits and your identity are in alignment with that goal, because if they're not, you're not going to get the goal and even if you do, you won't keep it, you won't sustain it, and if anyone wants help with that, I. That's what I do for a living. Ultimately, that's what my coaching is. Is that I called it the goal achievement system?

Speaker 1

Yeah, we're going to come up with a better name. We'll come up with a better name than that, something a little bit more catchy. I don't know man, I don't know, I don't know what. Again, my thing with identity is weird. I don't know, I'd have to think more. We'd just you and I pitching and catching because I don't know. I want the result. I will do the behaviors long enough to get the result. Usually, eventually, somewhere along the lines, the identity starts to be adopted. But I don't think my way is the right way to do it, because you go through your life thinking you're an imposter, feeling like an imposter often, and eventually you're not, and eventually you get really good at stuff. But eventually is a dangerous word.

Speaker 1

Okay, group coaching starts on October 8th with the discount code NLU listener. It ends up being $96 and 60 cents per month. I genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, do not believe you will find a more affordable, as valuable coaching offer. When we were coaching, when we were pricing this, it wasn't because we wanted to make X amount of dollars. It was how can we create something affordable that also will not crush the business and make us lose the business? So it's not about how do we make as much money as possible? That's not why we did it. I know a lot of people do group coaching so they can charge their price times 10 and they can make 10 times the amount of money in one hour of their time. That is not why we're doing it. We're genuinely doing it because we want to help more people, so the link will be in the show notes.

Outro

Speaker 1

We would love to have you. You will be the most consistent version of yourself. You will be the most fulfilled version of yourself and, most importantly, based on what we. You're not setting goals just to get them and then stop. We are trying to help you stay empowered long after you leave group coaching. The last session is all about keeping momentum, so join if you're interested. As always, we love you, we appreciate you. We're so grateful for each and every one of you and NLU. We don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Please reach out.

Speaker 1

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Speaker 2

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Speaker 1

Thank, you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host