Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1819 - The Reason Vulnerability Hurts Us So Much…
In this episode, Kevin and Alan discuss the power and risks of vulnerability. They share personal stories, highlighting the importance of being cautious about whom you open up to. With the right people, vulnerability can lead to deeper connections and personal freedom. However, sharing with the wrong people can result in misunderstandings. They also emphasize that vulnerability is like a muscle that strengthens over time, fostering authenticity.
Links mentioned:
Digital Asset: The Consistency Star: https://bit.ly/47kD45V
Next Level Group Coaching - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Group 16 - The 1st call is on Tuesday, October 8, 2024, at 5 PM EST, and the group runs for 3 months. Discount Code for N.L. Group Coaching (30% off): NLULISTENER
Free 30-Minute Podcast Breakthrough Session with Kevin: https://bit.ly/3MAuczF
Free 30-Minute Coaching Call with Alan: https://bit.ly/3ASu9wu
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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.
For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇
Website 💻 http://www.nextleveluniverse.com
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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meet-up: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.
Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/
Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/
Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com
LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/
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Show notes:
(02:04) Sharing insecurities helps growth.
(05:26) Vulnerability isn’t always a cry for help.
(07:10) Self-awareness and authenticity.
(10:17) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://bit.ly/3yL3Jfq
(13:12) Trusting o
If there's only one thing to get taken away very much, what we're talking about being vulnerable around the wrong people is a terrible idea. Being vulnerable around the right people is very, very, very constructive. Test the ice before you step on it.
Speaker 2:Kevin's quote you're afraid that all of you is not enough, or that all of you is too much, and whatever that insecurity is being vulnerable is being willing to own that and, ironically, when you own it, you are free. Now that's the point I wanted to make on this episode. Vulnerability frees you. It frees you from it, allows you to be authentic. You.
Speaker 1:Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,812, sorry, it's actually 1,819, I did not adjust my paperwork. The reason vulnerability hurts us so much. We have a weird thing going on with NLU where every other week, every other Wednesday, we have an hour and a half meeting with the team and there are usually tears. That is like a common occurrence when new team members come on.
Speaker 1:I tell them, just so you know, if this is your first team call coming up, you're going to see some vulnerability that maybe you haven't experienced, or you're going to see a different side of Alan and myself that maybe you haven't experienced, or the team in general. A really good, open, honest conversation. And at one point Brandon said something about I have to give a shout out to Alan and Emilia for all the amazing work they've done helping me work through a lot of the stuff that I've worked through. And later in the call we were all talking kind of about our insecurities and vulnerability and courage and I said you know what's so interesting? My fear of being left behind always comes up less than ever, but it's still there. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. Anytime somebody compliments Alan but doesn't compliment me as the founder quote-unquote of this thing and the mastermind behind everything that we've done.
Speaker 2:I want some credit, no no, I'm just kidding, as I I had a moment. It was probably too playful. I don't want to take away from the vulnerability. I appreciate you sharing it, but in my head I went. I don't think you have to worry much about that. I don't think people are going to be complimenting me more than you for very much in this. Well, I don't journey I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't necessarily agree that that's the way it should be, I think what I told. So what Brandon said is and Brandon wouldn't mind me sharing this and I'll keep anything that I think he would mind me sharing anonymous, obviously, and I'll leave it out but he said at the beginning I resonated more with you, I wanted to be more like you, but I know Alan can help me more. And I said well, that makes total sense, because if anybody resonates with me, Alan has helped me. Alan is what I needed, just like I in some ways, is what Alan needed in terms of a business partner. But I didn't want to share that.
Speaker 1:I shared something very what I think would be vulnerable earlier in the call For me. It wasn't super vulnerable Sharing that was way more vulnerable because I was afraid. Right after I said it I said, please, nobody message me privately and say anything Like Kev, you've helped someone. I'm not. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm just trying to. I'm trying to go first here in terms of being vulnerable, because my deepest fear, one of my deepest fears, is being left behind, and any time somebody compliments Alan's coaching, I get that little fear of, oh, my goodness, I might get left behind here, Even though I don't coach the team and I don't do the kind of coaching that Alan does, and we're in different lanes and we do different stuff. But none of it really is logical. It's all emotional. This is the point that I wanted to make in today's episode. I feel 10 out of 10 comfortable sharing that stuff with the team. There is zero part of me.
Speaker 2:There's one percent of me that's afraid, and the reason why is because in the past I do think, there were times where we got mommed.
Speaker 1:We call it mom, like no one on the team, please no one mom us Like.
Speaker 2:We're good, we're being vulnerable, but I don't know how to explain that. Maybe that's for another time, but it's an energy. Well, it's oh no, don't worry, You're. Yeah, I'm just venting, I'm just venting.
Speaker 1:I'm not looking for a shoulder. I'm not looking for strategy. I might not even be looking for a shoulder. I'm just looking for expression.
Speaker 2:I just want to be honest. Yeah, I want to be honest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm just trying to express, I'm not trying to fix it, I'm on it.
Speaker 2:I'm on it Between you and I and obviously the listeners are listening now too and or watching. Yes, in hindsight, you and I, being vulnerable as men, did open up some of the momming. Yeah, I didn't understand that. Now I realize the downside of being vulnerable, because people some people, not all people, but some people take that as you need their support or you need their, and I don't know it's an energy thing. But whenever I've ever been vulnerable, you need their support or you need their, and I don't know it's an energy thing. But whenever I've ever been vulnerable, a lot of times there has been the momming, and I now know that that's never what I was looking for.
Speaker 2:I was just trying to be honest. I don't want to lie. I don't want to be dishonest to anyone. I want to be authentic. I want to be authentic to I don't want to put on a show If I'm having a hard time. I want to be truthful about it and I think that in hindsight, that's very clear. So maybe that's a breakthrough for some people out there. Maybe one of the reasons why a lot of people don't want to be vulnerable is because then they that is sometimes used against them in some regard.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that's why, with the right people, vulnerability is actually quite easy. With the wrong people, it's very, very hard, because you have a lot of negative bids towards it. You have a lot of negative feedback.
Speaker 2:How? Why have I never mommed you or dadded you? Because you've been really vulnerable with me for the last seven years, like, why don't we do that to each other Because you don't do that to me? If you did, man, it would be like what?
Speaker 1:Well, I'm sure we've One, because I value I'm not saying that I didn't value other people's opinions, but I value your opinion and you know me. I think when I'm being vulnerable, you know why I'm being vulnerable, just like when you're being vulnerable, because even yesterday or the day before, I was telling you about something and you were like did you think of this? Did you think of this? And then you're like I'll just shut up, I think you're just expressing. And I was like, yeah, I'm expressing, I'm not looking for answers, and we were very jokey.
Speaker 2:It wasn't serious.
Speaker 1:But that's. I think we know what the other person is looking for, so I'm not. If I think you're looking for answers, I'll try to give you answers. If I don't think you're looking for answers, I'll just let you bounce ideas off of me yeah, there there's.
Speaker 2:There's a self-awareness there. Just because I'm struggling to be on time Doesn't mean I want you to help me with my schedule. You know what I mean. Like I'm more dialed in than you. That's what it is it's. And again, this is a breakthrough that hopefully will land for some of the listeners out there. And again, this is a breakthrough that hopefully will land for some of the listeners out there. I'm struggling to be on time and I share that and that's vulnerable. But I don't want anyone to come and say, well, I can be on time every time With my schedule? You definitely wouldn't, but no one can know. This is a breakthrough. No one can know the level you play at. I'm struggling at level nine, I'm not. Level two would be a cakewalk for me. Just because I'm struggling doesn't mean I'm not ahead of you in that thing.
Speaker 2:That's a big breakthrough for me. Again, I don't want to be selfish on this episode, but that's a big breakthrough for me. Of no wonder why I struggle to be vulnerable, because if I, if I share that I'm struggling in something I'm struggling at, at what I'm trying to achieve, and this is very vulnerable to share. But there have been people in the past that came and tried to help me when it's like Whoa, wait a minute, I would never struggle with what you, the level you're playing at this is Next Level University. The level I'm playing at. You could never even imagine, like you could never play at the level I'm playing at. And just because I'm struggling and sharing, that doesn't mean I want you to try to help me at my level, because if I was playing at your level, that would be very, very easy for me and if I was playing at your level I wouldn't be struggling and that's very vulnerable for me to share, by the way well, it's hard because it I've had people say similar stuff like well, maybe you need to slow down.
Speaker 1:It's like you don't understand, like that's not the point. I do 15 episodes a week. There's only so much slowing down I can do. It's not. It's not. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm just venting, that's it. I'm just. I'm just vent venting Because I know it's very easy for someone to say, well, this is what you signed up for. So that's where it gets a little weird, because if you're using that against someone, then that's detrimental.
Speaker 2:It's almost like you don't have permission to be vulnerable unless I've gotten that a lot too.
Speaker 2:I had someone tell me behind the scenes who's a really achiever amazing. And she said someone was kind of momming her a little bit and saying, hey, you know there's more to life than work. And she's said that's, I know that I love my work. That's not what I'm looking for, please. That's why vulnerability is so hard, because it lets people in that are trying to support you, probably out of some genuine desire to help, but it it's not the help you actually need a lot of the times yeah, I think it creates the illusion that you're looking for somebody else's perspective, when maybe you're not yeah and maybe there's different layers of vulnerability.
Speaker 1:Maybe for someone out there that this is why it's so hard for someone out there them being vulnerable enough to express is maybe with the hopes that somebody will give them a strategy, because it might be super vulnerable to actually ask for help other people it's it might be the opposite, where they're just venting and it would be vulnerable for them to say, alan, I'm not looking for, I appreciate it, I genuinely appreciate it, but I'm not looking for help in this moment. I'm just expressing, I just need to get it out and verbalize it. But the main point for me, if there's only one thing to get taken away very much, what we're talking about being vulnerable around the wrong people is a terrible idea.
Speaker 1:What we're talking about being vulnerable around the wrong people is a terrible idea. Yeah, being vulnerable around the right people is very, very, very constructive. Test the ice before you step on it.
Speaker 2:Test the ice before you.
Speaker 1:I think you know you. You know, by the way, that people react to other stuff. Judgmental people are probably not super good to be vulnerable around, because if they're judging you, they're going to say it. I would say, look at the way that they respond to other people being vulnerable to them or other people being vulnerable in general Maybe not directly to them, but the way they respond to movies, the way they respond to their friends, if they gossip behind the scenes, that's probably not a super good person to be vulnerable with, because that might get used against you. That that type of Be vulnerable with the type of person that you would trust your deepest secrets with, because that's kind of what you're doing when you're being vulnerable. That's what I would say, but I I can't give you a five-step system to figure out who those people are.
Speaker 2:I don't know time time it's so hard when it's you aspire to be authentic. And here's the question that I'm contemplating. I know we get a jump soon. Can you be? Can you be authentic without being vulnerable?
Speaker 2:not fully probably there's always this moment when you're a podcaster, coach, trainer, speaker, but in life in general, even if you're not any of those things, there's a moment where you have the thing that's safe to say and then you have the thing you actually think and that you actually believe to be true. And how many times can you take the one that's scary to share? Because Kevin and I yesterday in the huddle, he shared that he is concerned or he has an insecurity not concerned, that's the wrong word he has an insecurity that I'll always be respected more than him. And I had this moment of.
Speaker 2:I think there's probably a part of me that is insecure, that you'll always be liked more and not, I guess probably, hated less. I don't think I care about at this point, I don't even know if I care about being liked. I think I just don't want to be hated. You know, I think like for me there, what is it? Those levels there's? Hate me vehemently, hate me and attack me vehemently. There's there's eh, tolerate me. Then there's like me, then there's love me. I don't think I'm ever going to get to that top one, but I would prefer not to have that bottom one so much.
Speaker 2:And again, you know what I've come to realize and this is what vulnerability is for me is, when you are statistically abnormal, I think it comes it. It's inherent that that you're going to be misunderstood and potentially disliked, and I don't think being likable is really in the cards for me. I think there's some people that say you're super likable, I I'm a big fan, and those are very rare people, though it's not so. For example, when you and I first got together try to go brief with this and we started working together, I told you this. I said I think you underestimate how hard it is for me not to be avoided or disliked, and I think what it comes down to is maybe I trigger the insecurities of other people, or maybe it's more than that. Maybe I come off as arrogant, maybe maybe I look like I have it all handed to me.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's just I checked too many boxes, I don't know. But the point is is Kevin's quote, you're afraid that all of you is not enough, or that all of you is too much, and whatever that insecurity is. Being vulnerable is being willing to own that and, ironically, when you own it, you are free. Now that's the point I wanted to make on this episode. Vulnerability frees you. It frees you from it, allows you to be authentic, because if I'm not willing to be vulnerable and say something that I know is true, when I walk into a room, it's it's very hard for me not to make people who are insecure about their intelligence secure. I have to dial a lot of me down in order to not trigger people.
Speaker 2:That's what I believe to be true. It's vulnerable to share that and say, oh, it must be so hard to be so smart, like it. You don't know, you don't understand, and that's okay. Maybe you never will, but and trust me, there needs to be a downside. I get it Like there's a downside to everything. It's. I'd rather be smart and trigger people than not intelligent. But there's definitely a lot of sharing who you really are and what you really think, and what you really believe and what you really feel is the scariest thing in the entire world. Yeah, I don't think there's. I mean, obviously there's sharks and ledges and heights and stuff, but ultimately I think that's got to be the hardest part of this journey, for sure. For me that's the hardest part of this journey 100 I mean I'm happy to grind happy to grind.
Speaker 2:I'm not happy to dealing with the that this piece is the the hardest part for me.
Speaker 1:I think, yeah, I think it's just one of those things, too, where you're not vulnerable because you don't know how somebody is going to react, and then you just are less vulnerable and less vulnerable and less vulnerable when, if you just were vulnerable, you might see their true colors, positive or negative, and then you could either start filtering that person out or spending less time or understanding you can't be vulnerable with them, or, the opposite, realize, wow, this person makes me feel super safe. I feel incredibly safe around this person. Now I know this is kind of a pillar of my testing, when I'm testing my vulnerability this person is safe and I think those are two very different lives. But it starts with you trying at one time and getting. You kind of got to run the recipe and see what happens Undercooked, overcooked, well done, whatever it is, unfortunately, All right, we got to pop.
Speaker 1:No, no, we gotta pop.
Speaker 2:we have very last sentence, two minutes son, okay not even quick, quick, not even so we have to be off in two minutes, is what I'm saying. Okay, courage yes and vulnerability. It's a muscle. You have to build it yes if you can build it consistently over time and you can endure it. Now you get to really be yourself, because it proves to you that, even if you do get attacked or disliked or villainized or misunderstood or whatever insert fear here it proves that you're okay, you do, you get through it, it's powerful and now you're free, energetically free. Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 1:All right. Group coaching starts October 8th. We'll have the link in the show notes. Alan has spots available for one-on-one coaching. I have spots available for one-on-one podcast coaching. We'll have the link in the show notes. The yeah, the links in the show notes for that. As well. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don.
