Next Level University

#1825 - Your Reaction To Failure Matters More Than Your Reaction To “Success”

Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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0:00 | 27:15

Wonder why some people thrive after setbacks while others falter? In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros unpack how your reaction to failure can shape your future. Together, they share personal stories and offer tips on breaking free from negative cycles and building resilience. Tune in for insights that will help you bounce back stronger!

Link mentioned:
Next Level Group Coaching - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Group 16 - The 1st call is on Tuesday, October 8, 2024, at 5 PM EST, and the group runs for 3 months. Discount Code for N.L. Group Coaching (30% off): NLULISTENER

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:15) The importance of reacting well to failure
(4:17) The “Success Loop” explained
(6:06) The concept of the “Doom Loop” and its impact
(15:27) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.
(15:48) Practical tips to overcome failure and move forward
(25:50) Group coaching opportunities and how to stay consistent
(26:33) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

But there's a reason you send a bunch of applications to a bunch of different schools, because the odds of you getting into the very first one, depending on your grades and all that happy jazz might not be as high as you think. And it's better to shoot a bunch of shots. But the problem is we, we personalize the shots Because they are deeply meaningful and when stuff is deeply meaningful it's hard to get rejected.

Speaker 2

The person who is ignited and in the game will always be the envy of the person who's sitting on the sidelines feeling sorry for themselves. Now, I'm saying that with the empathy of knowing that everyone's been there and that I've been there, but I try the point that I'm making this is. I remind myself of that when I'm in it.

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus. At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Speaker 2

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Speaker 1

We bring you a new episode every single day, on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Speaker 2

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Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,825, your reaction to failure matters more than your reaction to success. I used to say this all the time, alan the team that wins the championship might seem like they are at an advantage because they just won. I believe they are at a disadvantage because it's very easy to win and then rest on how you won, where the team who lost goes back to the drawing board and kind of has the opportunity and necessity to re-evaluate everything.

Speaker 1

That is a piece of why I wanted to do this episode, but I also wanted to do it because we, over the last I don don't know few months, we've been really trying to be as authentic as possible, and at times that can be scary, because I don't want to be villainized, alan doesn't want to be villainized.

Speaker 1

I don't want to trigger anybody, alan doesn't want to trigger anybody, and we want to live in our truth and we want to be who we are and we want to be authentic and as we learn more about ourselves, we want to explore what that means and all that happy jazz. I think that the way I know that, the way I react to failure versus the way that you react to failure or resistance, or overwhelm, whatever it is, is drastically different. And we were talking about the doom loop and I'll let you kind of explain that. But it's very easy to have something go wrong and then you say, oh man, I feel really, really bad about myself and nothing seems to be working. And then you stop Now my Wi-Fi is juffing and then you stop doing the stuff necessary to create more results, and then it just becomes this self-fulfilling sorry, my, your screen froze on my end and you did not look well.

Speaker 1

You looked physically, physically bad it's, it's easy for something bad to happen and then for you to just take your foot off of the gas and some people are reinvigorated by resistance and I think other people are knocked down and it's comfortable to stay there, and I think I'm more the second one than you are for sure. But I thought it would be an interesting conversation, because when you're winning, it's really easy to show up. It's not hard to show up when you're winning, it's easy, you just show up. But when you're losing, if you don't understand how you react to losses and failures and quote-unquote that type of stuff, quote-unquote failures I think it's really hard to succeed. Son.

Speaker 2

Son, the doom loop. The doom loop, my if I could sum my coaching up in the shortest possible fortune cookie statement it is keeping people out of the doom loop and in the success loop. The success loop I'll explain. First. Success loop is five steps believe, you believe in something, then you take some action, then you get some form of a result that you can reflect on. That's step three. Step four is you learn something new that you didn't learn before. And then step five is you improve and then you go back to believe. So we believe in this podcast.

Speaker 2

We implement an episode, we review the episode. I've been doing that lately, which is two days. Congratulations, alan, but seriously, okay. So review the episode, reflect on it. Oh, interesting. So sometimes Kev's trying to make a point and I make a point simultaneously and then he has to get back to the point. All right, maybe I can be a little more present. Learn, learn and then improve. So I learned something about myself. All right, maybe I can be a little more present, learn, learn and then improve. So I learned something about myself, about us, and then I can improve for this episode. That's the success loop. That's the loop that I try really hard to keep all my clients in. That's the loop that you and I just got you back into redesigning your system System of success, peak performance tracking, habit tracker metrics and habits that whole nine. The failure loop, the doom loop, is the one that I'm trying to figure out the differences in people, because if you are ignited by failure, I think you have a different doom loop than someone who shuts down with failure.

Speaker 1

How so, and did you ever and real quick, huge missed opportunity you ever think of calling it the poop loop? You know what I mean.

Speaker 2

I mean I feel like that's low.

Speaker 1

That's low hanging fruit.

Speaker 2

The poop loop perfect so you don't have to, but I would would think about it. The poop loop. We got home from the gym last night and walked in our house and it was. Oh, no, yeah, tucker Right there on the carpet.

Speaker 1

Where Right when you walk in.

Speaker 2

Not right.

Speaker 1

when you walk in it's a little bit towards the kitchen but I could tell that was thoughtful of Tucky walking in, very thoughtful of him, poor Tucker.

Speaker 2

Everyone thinks he poops all over. That was all the time. It's really not that often. There's probably one every two weeks. You just always hear about it because it's funny, okay, and because you brought up the poop loop for some reason, of course. So the doom loop, I think for people who are not ignited by failure, I think it's tied to selfesteem when you say it's easy to show up when you're winning. That doesn't land that much for me.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

For me, when I'm winning, it's easy to relax Now, but I think that goes back to the belief humility thing. For me, when I'm winning, it's hard to stay humble. Humility is my issue For you. When you're losing, it's hard to stay humble. Humility is my issue For you. When you're losing, it's hard to believe. So that's the conundrum, I think, and I think it's different. I don't. When we're losing, I don't doubt our abilities, I just push harder. And so let's talk about your side, though. So the doom loop for you, I think. Correct me if I'm wrong, and we'll contemplate it. I take a loss that hurts my self-esteem Now I believe a little less and don't feel as good about myself and that makes it harder to do the next courageous move. It harder to do the next courageous move. So then I take less action, which then gets me less results, which then makes me feel even worse. Is that fair?

Speaker 1

Yeah, I think it's. There's a piece of feeling bad for yourself makes you want to do less and almost run in the opposite direction. There's something to that. I think dieting is a really good example of that, where there's always not always it's very easy to say well, I already went over my calories, I'm just going to go all in. I already had a cookie when I wasn't supposed to. I'm just going to have an ice cream sundae now. It's very easy to say, well, I already went over my calories, I'm just going to go all in. I already had a cookie when I wasn't supposed to. I'm just going to have an ice cream sundae now. It's very easy to do that, and I think it's the same when it comes to quote-unquote failure. I already feel bad about myself. I'm going to order Taco Bell, even though it goes against what I want calorie wise, and it's more money that I want to spend. I don't, I'm already down. I think it's like a frequency.

Speaker 2

It's going to make you feel even worse, though. Yeah, it's a frequency, yeah.

Speaker 1

It's almost like it's a behavior of the energy that I'm currently feeling and experiencing, not the energy that I desire to experience. Yep, it's. I think it's the misery loves company thing.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

When you're miserable? I don't do. Could I watch something uplifting? That's going to bring me back, probably, but I don't think that's my natural. When I am struggling, I listen to the song Rooster by Alice in Chains and it literally is they haven't found a way to kill me. Yet that is like one of the openings of the song. It is sad as hell. It's a sad song. That's what I listen to Because I don't.

Speaker 2

I want to feel that you know how are ways you get out of the doom loop, Because that doesn't sound one of the ways. I just playfully thought of this, but also true. I use caffeine to get out of the doom loop Sometimes. Sometimes I need a little pick me-up. I need to get back into a positive energy I need to get back in momentum.

Speaker 2

I need to get back after it I think there's a lot of this has to do with your your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual state if you have a low state, I talk to you.

Speaker 1

That's what I do, that's what we did today. My my genuine apologies to anybody if I've been negative over the last few episodes. I've just been been going through it and I don't think I knew to the same, I don't think I was aware of how much I was going through it. When Alan and I logged on today I said hey man, I'm sorry I've been negative lately. I know I've been more so behind the scenes than in front of the scenes, but I've just been struggling. I've been under it. I've been more unfulfilled than I thought I was. I haven't been focusing on me, I haven't been focusing on self-improvement. And I said we had a very vulnerable conversation and then you went to work and redesigned my system so that I think that's why, having a coach, I still have a coach. I have you. I've had you for seven years. You've definitely helped me stay out of the doom loop.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I didn't realize how much that's what I do.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I have a client who just moved from weekly to. She changed jobs or had a situation with her work it's actually a business owner, but she switched to monthly, just temporary. And I said, okay, I understand, I think I mean that sucks, but we can do that. And it feels like I haven't talked to her in three months. And I messaged her yesterday. I said, okay, I understand, I think I mean that sucks, but we can do that. And it feels like I haven't talked to her in three months. And I messaged her yesterday. I said something about hey, just checking in, how are you? We have a call next week, isn't this so weird? And she said, yeah, this is the worst, which is good. It's good that she feels that way, because I think it sucks too. It's, it's, we were on it.

Speaker 2

I have one client I'm thinking of right now Shout out to you, david, he's so on it. We haven't missed a call. We do weekly and we haven't missed a call in. I don't know. It's been at least two quarters, so half a year, where we have not missed.

Speaker 2

He's just on and he's so ignited and he's winning and everything, but also failing a ton too, and I think, ultimately, that's all it really is. Underneath everything, it gives you certainty for metrics and habits. It's and it's keeping people motivated, keeping them out of the doom loop. And the other piece of this too, and another way to stay out of the doom loop is when you start winning, I will come preemptively and say hey, yeah I just want you to know.

Speaker 2

You know you made 10 grand last month and I'm proud of you, but do not step off the fucking gas, because that goes fast. And so I'm. I'm really, I think, trying to keep myself and everyone else at center, their own center. So for you, I just think you haven't been feeling very good about Kevin lately and then the behaviors that make Kevin feel good about Kevin aren't happening, and so you're yeah, you're just stuck. I think a lot of people feel stuck a lot of the time and, to be completely transparent here, being ignited and motivated and driven and on and back to back 11 back to back. I couldn't even go to the bathroom one of those days. It sounds terrible but, truth be told, I actually tell myself this this is better than sitting there feeling sorry for myself. This is better. There is no Try to make this land in a way it never has.

Speaker 2

Everyone has had those times where they're down and out Maybe they got sick, maybe loss of a loved one, maybe a bad breakup where they're down and out and they're moping around feeling bad and I've been there and you're napping a lot, you're exhausted, you're lethargic, you're not exercising and you're watching other people live their lives On social media or movies or TV. You're watching people that are out there on their journey doing their thing. Artists, music, whatever. The person who is ignited and in the game will always be the envy of the person who's sitting on the sidelines feeling sorry for themselves. Now, I'm saying that with the empathy of knowing that everyone's been there and that I've been there, but I try the point that I'm saying that with the empathy of knowing that everyone's been there and that I've been there, but I try the point that I'm making. This is a point that I don't know if I've ever gotten to land before. I remind myself of that when I'm in it.

At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.

Speaker 2

So when I have 11 back-to-backs and my life sucks and I'm not kidding, sometimes I feel like my life really sucks I have to remind myself Alan, this is much better than when you're down and out watching someone like you live and do and serve and contribute, and you almost have to choose one because it's easier to be unmotivated, undisciplined, inconsistent. But here's the here's the truth. It's really really, really hard in terms of pain and emotional pain. You don't feel good about yourself, you're stuck, you feel like crap, you know you're not growing and contributing, and the truth is the hard truth is that the people climbing, while their day-to-day life is much harder, they are more fulfilled, always, they're more fulfilled, yeah, yeah, and to me that's what I'm optimizing for.

Speaker 2

Is fulfillment not easy? Nlu listener, what is happening? I just wanted to jump in here and let you know if you want to get to the next level faster. We have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month. You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. The link to register will be in the show notes.

Speaker 1

I think this is a really good test for how you respond to quote-unquote failure. You and I are very, very different in this one regard. One if you were looking for a new job, you would just send 100 applications a day. Until you heard back from the job that you wanted, I would send three applications, not hear back, and then it would really, really hurt me and then I probably would stop sending applications. That is, I think, a really good test, because, if we think about it, the person who sends maybe it's not 100, but it's ultimately it would not be 100.

Speaker 1

So let's say it's 25 a day.

Speaker 2

Yeah there was a time when I was living in LA that I was with. As a matter of fact, I was with someone who was looking for work as well, simultaneously, and he was on your end, it's very hard to win, and I remember thinking simultaneously and he was on your end.

Speaker 2

It's very hard to win and I didn't under right, I didn't understand back then. I have empathy for him more than I did back then, because back then I'm like dude, he was trying to tell me, brother, you don't have to work so hard like don't, you don't have to prove yourself to him. He overheard me on an interview and I had an interview at spacex back then and all this different stuff, and he one of the guys was this he was being a dick to me and it was on speakerphone and it was definitely dance monkey dance, for sure.

Speaker 2

And after the phone call this person my friend at the time he said you don't have to dance for him, like you're better than that. You don't have to. And I'm sitting there going, dude, we're broke. I don't know what world you live in, but I gotta pay our bills. I have to dance and I know it and I am okay with that. Like he's in the power position. Now, there was truth to what he was saying too, which is you have low self-worth and you need to know your value. But there's truth to what I'm saying too, which is listen, you don't have a job, man, and you, man, and you're watching cartoons, smoking weed, and I'm sorry, but I'm not looking. I'm looking at your future and it's not looking too bright. Right, and my family needs me and we were losing our house and all kinds of stuff at home. And to me, the truth is, I think I was a mirror. I got up and got after it every day and applied to yeah, and, and I think it's a mirror.

Speaker 1

I think it's a mirror of what I can imagine how difficult that would be if you're somebody that feels like you're down and. But this is the thing that's helpful If you only send three messages and you get three no's, the last message you got is always going to be a no, because you're never going to send another message and it's. Most things in life are just a numbers game and if I've learned anything over the last seven years and you've taught me a lot of that but most things in life are just a numbers game the first relationship you have probably isn't going to be the one you have forever. The first job you have probably isn't going to be the one you have forever. The first job you have probably isn't going to be the one you have forever. The first job you applied for probably isn't going to be the one you get.

Speaker 1

There's a reason when you're applying to colleges and I know I'm the least certified person to talk about this because I didn't go to college but there's a reason you send a bunch of applications to a bunch of different schools Because the odds of you getting into the very first one, depending on your grades and all that happy jazz, might not be as high as you think and it's better to shoot a bunch of shots, but the problem is we personalize the shots because they are deeply meaningful. And when stuff is deeply meaningful it's hard to get rejected and it's hard to say well, that person doesn't want me, my resume's not strong enough, even though I have an avid fisherman on there. What don't you see? I fish.

Speaker 1

That means I'm committed and I work well on my own and I'm well-directed and I have patience. I have patience. I'm a martial artist. That means if somebody breaks in, I can hadouken them. Don't you value that? No, they don't, but that's kind of the thing is.

Speaker 2

What do you recommend for someone in the doom loop? Because I realize now again, you sit in the pain. This is what I do I sit in the pain and I look for inspiration. I look for a new book or a new course, or I go on. I look for something or someone, a movie, something that inspires me to get back up and get back. I mean, every movie is based on a hero's journey. It's based on someone who was down and out and who found a way out of the dark. To me, that's what I go for. I go for all right. How do we dig deep inside and find that strength amongst the darkness?

Speaker 1

You've got to try to take your emotions back. You have to try to take your emotions back Emotionally. Yes, you do want the fast food. Yes, you do want to spend the money. Yes, you do want to watch the porn. Yes, you do want to have the drink. Yes, you do want to do the thing that feels like it would be really good in the porn. Yes, you do want to have the drink. Yes, you do want to do the thing that feels like it would be really good in the moment.

Speaker 1

But just like we talked about I think it was last week, if you can do something today that makes tomorrow better, you're going to be in a drastically different place in life, even if all that means is, instead of digging a deeper hole, you put the shovel down. That's it. That's the advice I would give is just put the shovel down. Stop digging. It's very easy. I have moments where I'll have a rough day and I'm dieting and trying to save money and I will have to sell myself on the opposite of what I want. Kev, taco Bell's expensive, you're going to drive. I literally just create a list of cons. I already know what the pros are. It tastes really good and I want it. Those are the two big pros. The cons are it's against this goal. It's against this goal I'm going to hear about it from Alan. I say, kev, you spent $27 at Taco Bell. Damn right, I did.

Speaker 2

I was hungry.

Speaker 1

You're not going to hear about it from me.

Speaker 2

I send you a list of the stuff, but I know you're going to see it. Yeah, of course. Well, that's accountability. Accountability is game changer.

Speaker 1

It's put the shovel down. Do your best to put the shovel down. The best way to get out of a hole is to stop digging Again. That's something you taught me. A lot of Alan lessons in this episode. That's what I would say to get going. We're going to pop because we're trying to stay in a 20-minute zone here with NLU.

Speaker 2

Very last thing quickly Start small, go back to the small thing that's going to regain momentum. You just have to get back on the horse. It's not about not falling off the horse, it's about getting back up quicker and better each time and just get back into momentum, starting small with positive micro habits in the direction. If you can't run, walk. If you can't walk, crawl. It's a martin luther king quote that I think about that all the time. And then eventually you're sprinting and the treadmill is too fast and you fall again. That's life.

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah. It's very dangerous to sit there ruminating on how bad you feel about yourself. It's okay to feel it, it's okay to feel it, but you've got to put the shovel down, and I'm telling that to myself as much as I got Burger King last night but it wasn't from that place, it wasn't like I didn't have a bad day and then say I don't really care about, I mean, my goals don't mean that much. That wasn't what it was. Whopper with chi I got a, no, I got two. It was straight up. I'm going to be very honest with you. Okay, there's a two whopper deal, two for five bucks Nice, no, chi, though Like. Nice, no chi, though like cheese is like a dollar extra. So I was like yeah, no cheese.

Speaker 2

So I got yeah, that's the level I'm playing that son. I got two whoppers committed to his financial goals 100 sands cheese.

Speaker 1

And then I also got two single cheeseburgers I believe two dollars and 69 cents a whack. And then I got a fry, an onion ring and a mozzarella stick.

Speaker 2

That's a man committed to his fitness and finance goals. Right there, baby.

Speaker 1

But here's the thing. One of the reasons I got Burger King is because I can track the macros and I know exactly how much I ate. There's reasons to why I did that, and because it's goddamn delicious.

Speaker 2

It's delicious, it's so good, it's delicious, it's so good, it's affordable. I'm not hating on it. I like Burger King. No, no, I know, I know I eat Burger King rarely, but when I do, it's great.

Speaker 1

It was probably the best Burger King I've ever had. It was delicious. I mean, these cheeseburgers are shrinking, though they are getting smaller by.

Speaker 2

I mean this thing was they're cutting costs over there.

Speaker 1

It was absolutely tiny, it was a tiny, the tiniest cheeseburger I've ever had my little tiny hands on.

Speaker 2

So well, they're getting squeezed out by all the other places they are, but there's a brutal establishment it is the one of the worst run establishments I've ever.

Speaker 1

I've ever driven through the food.

Speaker 2

I dig it.

Speaker 1

I don't know how they're still in business, especially the same same. I thought they'd be out of business long ago. There's a difference between ever driven through the food. I dig it.

Speaker 2

I don't know how they're still in business, especially the ones that are close to me, same, I thought they'd be out of business long ago.

Speaker 1

There's a difference between saying I've already broken the glass, I'm going to continue to smash it, that's all. I've already broken the egg, now I'm just going to kick it all over the place. There's a difference between saying that and saying, all right, cool, now I can start the process of cleanup. I think those are two very, very different approaches. So that is the advice I would give, based on the experience I have in it, because I'm definitely somebody who, when things go wrong, it's really. It is hard for me to maintain a positive attitude. I'm way better at it than I've ever been, but I have a lot of room for improvement. For sure I appreciate it, man, I I have a lot of room for improvement.

Speaker 2

for sure, I appreciate it, man. I think it's important to share the struggles.

Speaker 1

I agree, I'm not talking down anybody from my soapbox. This is what I'm thinking of when I'm trying to work through it myself. We always pride ourselves on talking about what we're going through, and I think that's one of the unique benefits of NLU. One. One of the other unique benefits of NLU and as I mentioned in this episode is when you are struggling, when you feel like you are in the doom loop, it helps to have a coach.

Outro

Speaker 1

We have our 16th round of group coaching, starting on October 8th, 5 pm, eastern Standard Time. You will be the most consistent, fulfilled, aligned version of yourself. I would bet money on it, because that is what we're optimizing for. We're optimizing for you building positive habits, having the clarity of what you want to accomplish in the next 90 days and then having the accountability of Alan, myself and the wonderful Amy to keep you accountable. We will have the discount code in the show notes, as well as the link to the landing page, and we would love to have you again. I know the holiday season is going to be coming up on us pretty quickly here and you're going to be seeing family and all that happy jazz, and maybe you want to get a head start on making progress and momentum. So we'd love to have you. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Please reach out.

Speaker 1

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Speaker 2

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Speaker 1

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.