#1828 - How To Get Over The Guilt Of What You Value?

Unlock your true potential in this powerful episode of Next Level University. Kevin and Alan dive deep into the challenge of owning your core values—especially when they clash with societal norms or the expectations of those around you. They break down the “The 5 M’s of Next Level Motivation” and show how aligning with what drives you can fuel your success. If you’re looking for a way to embrace your motivations without guilt or fear of judgment, this conversation will guide you toward a path of authenticity and self-worth.

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Show notes:
(3:00) Discussion on core values and career choices
(4:40) The five M’s of motivation: mastery, movement, mating, money, mission
(6:00) Guilt overvaluing money for security Vs. Materialism
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🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

yeah, money and possessions, but it's mostly about certainty. I don't care, it's not, you know. It's not that I want the money to spend the money, I want the money, so I know everything's going to be okay. It's not necessarily about go buy this thing or whatever. It's not all about that.

Speaker 2 0:18

You're never going to amplify the pros of something if you're afraid of the cons. That's why we self-sabotage, because when you amplify the obsessiveness, Welcome to Next Level University.

Speaker 1 0:32

I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Speaker 2 0:34

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Speaker 1 0:37

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Speaker 2 0:43

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Speaker 1 0:50

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Speaker 2 1:06

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Speaker 1 1:12

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today for episode number 1,828, how to get over the guilt of what you value. I was on a podcast right before this, alan, with a wonderful individual and it was all about switching careers and career choices and I was like I don't know how the heck I'm going to do this. Hopefully I'll be able to add know how the heck I'm going to do this. Hopefully I'll be able to add some value, because I'm terrible when it comes to switching careers. I just quit and then be broke for a while. The sometimes quits kid. The sometimes quits misaligned things kid.

Speaker 2 1:57

That would be a long handle.

Speaker 1 1:59

Very long handle. It would stick out, though. Maybe that would be the recognition that I need. Don't know. Never quit kid was a great handle. I what's good. I'm a 30, I'm 35, though at what point does it become man? Never quit man doesn't sound, it doesn't flow. I'm gonna be the never quit kid forever yeah 40 year old kid.

Speaker 1 2:20

Okay, well, we'll see how that goes. We somehow, in the conversation we were talking about, we were talking about core values, core beliefs and core aspirations and I said I think one of the hard things about core values is it takes a lot of courage to admit what your core values are when they go against what everybody around you believes or what the people closest to you think your core value should be. Oh, you're a mother and you don't value family at 10 out of 10. How dare you, when that you don't? Who said you're supposed to? You don't have to?

Discussion on core values and career choices

Speaker 1 2:56

I don't think you have to value something at 12 out of 10 to be good at it or to be positive at it, or to be a good mom or a good dad, or whatever to be positive at it, or to be a good mom or a good dad, or whatever. So yeah, we wanted to do an episode on that because I think over the last year specifically, alan has done a really good job. I don't know how it feels behind the scenes. I'm sure it probably feels terrible at overcoming, admitting what you value as a human being when it's kind of the opposite of what a lot of people would suggest slash, maybe, want for you.

Speaker 2 3:31

Well, one of the things that I hope will resonate with people is I was on with a client right before this. I actually had to go over a little bit. That's actually why this episode has to be short. So it's not on Kevin, it's on me.

Speaker 1 3:44

Blame me, I take responsibility, responsibility we're growing a business over here, you know we are.

The five M’s of motivation: mastery, movement, mating, money, mission

Speaker 2 3:49

We are, we're helping people, we're doing the stuff okay. So we were on a session and we were going through motivation. We were going through the five m's of next level motivation mastery, status. I got this mastery status movement, freedom, mating, romance, money, materials, mission, purpose. And this person shout out to you if you are listening, by the way, you know who you are said I want my number one to be the same as yours, which is mission slash purpose, and I often talk about how I feel the pull and I have to push myself to stay in the pull. We did a whole episode on it. I don't know what episode it was. By the way, the five M's of motivation next level motivation will be in the show notes. I will send that to the production team and it'll be in the show notes, free downloadable resource.

Speaker 2 4:42

But ultimately, his number one, what he valued most on that list, was money slash materials, which he felt a little bit of guilt for Same. And in the description it literally says these people have a dream car, specific dream car, specific dream home. They like nice things and they often get upset or offended when you call them materialistic. And he said oh, I don't know if I'm materialistic. And he said, oh, I don't. I don't know if I'm materialistic, but and he was a little insecure I, you're good man, I don't, here's. Here's the thing. Imagine a car with five cylinders. I know that's not normal Kev, I'm not a car guy, I don't care. Imagine a car with five cylinders and the engine is only running on two of them. The car is not going to be fully ignited.

Speaker 2 5:24

I said, you and me together, we had opposite motivations. So mastery slash status, admission slash purpose are my two big ones. His are mating slash romance and his number one is money slash materials and mating slash romance number two. So my bottom two are his top two, and with email it's a little exception, but overall. So I said, together we're going to be more motivated, we're going to be more ignited. That's my job, to keep you as motivated as possible. And so. But here's the thing I know you struggled with this. Owning the fact that you value money at such a high level was hard for you in the beginning for sure it still is.

Speaker 1 6:01

It still is, I'm. My fear is somebody will hear this and think, oh, kevin only wants to help people so he can make a lot of money. No, if I wanted to make a lot of money, I probably would have gone into a different thing. If that was number one, right, if that was number one, I would have done something else, because this isn't the best way to make a lot of money. This is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very challenging yeah, for sure and I don't know, I don't know, is it still number one?

Speaker 1 6:30

I don't know. I was talking to somebody earlier when I was on that podcast and she was very complimentative of my podcasting skills and I said you, she's like you just start a sentence and then you just figure it out as you go. And I said that, but that'll be you. When you've done as many episodes as I have, I think I'm more. I like mastery, more than I ever have. I like mastery. I like getting good at stuff. Now. I like being a competent speaker. I like that. I like that more than ever. What changed? I had to focus on something instead of money for the first five years. Probably One of the I don't know. I think that's the thing for me is I'm starting to think if we're missing one or if we're missing a couple. Yeah, money and possessions, but it's mostly about certainty.

Speaker 2 7:20

I don't care, oh yeah.

Speaker 1 7:22

You know, it's not that I want the money to spend the money. I want the money. So I know everything's going to be okay. It's not necessarily about go buy this thing or whatever. It's not all about that.

Speaker 2 7:34

You know, I think that when number one, each of these M's have layers to them and we're not going to go too deep into it, but money equals certainty. But then when you have excess money, you do love to spend money, you love it.

Speaker 1 7:49

When there's a, there has to be a. Yeah, but I don't like spending money when I don't have certainty. Yeah, of course, Right certainty, and then, and then money yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 7:58

And there's the six basic human needs certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth and contribution that Tony Robbins sort of gave to the world through a TED Talk, to the world through a Ted talk these five M's of next level motivation are the more surface level, uh, tangible pursuits that are external, that are those other needs are kind of underneath.

Speaker 2 8:20

But ultimately, I wanted to say this earlier when you were talking, you said something along the lines of this is not the best way to make money, and I I had this joke that came into my head that was selling personal growth is like selling kale on the same street as a candy store oh, yeah, yeah, no, nobody.

Speaker 2 8:39

I don't know anybody going either way to buy kale at a at a drive-thru you know it's not only do you, not only do most people statistically scientific truth here, avoid challenging uncomfortable truths and feedback about themselves. One of the reasons Netflix is so successful is there's no feedback on you when you're watching Netflix. You get to enjoy all the experiences, but you don't have to actually put yourself in danger. You don't have to look in the mirror. There's no self-reflection, and I avoided self-reflection in my past too, so I'm not judging.

Speaker 1 9:14

Next level nation. What is happening? If you've thought to yourself, I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes and we would love to see you there.

Speaker 2 9:58

Not only do you have to get people to look in the mirror and acknowledge challenging truths about themselves, but then it's coaching is like getting someone to pay you to do that and so, anyways, uh, for anyone out there right now, of those those five M's of motivation, we all have all five cylinders. The question is, which one do you value the most? And then the other piece of this I know we got to jump soon is I'm concerned to share that I care more about achievement and goals and purpose and mission and calling and mastery than I do about relationships. Yeah, that's not really accepted by most people, because I have a lot of people in my life who were in the past very upset that I didn't value being at the barbecue or being at the birthday party or being at the wedding, when in reality I do value those things, but not to the same extent as I value growing NLU and this mission.

Speaker 1 11:15

How did you? I know we don't have a ton of time, but quick answer. How did you work through that?

Speaker 2 11:21

I was on book club this Saturday and I had a powerful realization because we're reading Identity Shift by Anthony Trucks, which apparently got taken off Audible I have no idea why. Yeah, so it's not an easy book to get a hold of. A lot of people didn't have their books in time but it's an awesome book, particularly the identity shift idea, the identity we talk about it all the time. It's such a powerful concept of what you say, think, do, feel and believe is based on who you believe you are. But ultimately, I had a big breakthrough on book club where I said this.

Speaker 2 11:50

I said does anyone else here identify as an achiever? And there was a couple of people. And does anyone else here identify as an obsessive? And the whole concept of the book club was what do you identify as and what are the implications of that? So go into your future, look at your vision for the future and then what identity are you going to need to embody in advance to actually achieve that? And so obsessive was one of them, and I consider myself an obsessive. I'm pretty sure everyone probably does and I said that the pros of that are I'm dialed in, I'm on point, I'm organized, I'm disciplined, I'm consistent. There's all these pros and, to answer your original question, kev, there's cons too. The cons are people you're not relatable you're not as relatable you're usually seen as someone who's cold and calculated.

Speaker 2 12:40

You're usually not seen as very funny. You're usually not seen as very well-rounded. You're usually seen as. So there's all these cons, and I had this moment and this is answering your original question You're never going to amplify the pros of something if you're afraid of the cons. That's why we self-sabotage, because when you amplify the obsessiveness I asked Kev for permission before this I said I'm going to be dialing up my achiever and I need permission from you in our relationship to be that, because that's what NLU needs and that's what my clients need and that's what the team needs.

Speaker 2 13:19

That's the version of me that I adore most. That's not the version of me the world adores most. It's also the version of me Amelia adores most, thank goodness. But I'm going to dial that up and there's going to be a lot of benefits. Nlu will be more successful, the team will be more successful, the community will be more successful, everyone will be more motivated. It'll be wonderful. We'll be more dialed in, we'll improve more. But what are the downsides? I'm going to be a pain in the ass. I'm going to be bugging people and putting pressure on things and that kind of thing. So everyone out there watching or listening to this what?

Speaker 1 14:00

is the thing that you're scared to own about yourself, that you're scared to value because maybe you're afraid of one of the cons that come with the benefits. So just get familiar with the pros and cons and understand that the pros, especially for self-worth, are going to far outweigh all of the cons. Even and again. I don't have a ton of experience with this because I think a lot of people are motivated by money, so it's not as polarizing. But I'm willing to bet the hit that you get from self-worth and just being authentic is way more of an ignition source than the pain that comes with people judging it. Again. We can't go super deep into it because we're running out of time well said I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 14:37

Well, maybe we'll do a part two. We got somebody in the community said they really enjoyed uh, somebody on the, somebody on the team I think it was steph right shout out to steph. Yeah, steph enjoyed the episode and said maybe we can do a part two or something in the future. So maybe we'll do that for this one, maybe we can do a part two or something in the future.

Owning your identity as an achiever

Speaker 2 14:51

So maybe we'll do that for this one. If you had 30 seconds to answer, can I ask you one quick question? Yeah, all right. What's one thing about you that you want to value even more, or own that you value it even more? And then what's the con that you're afraid of that comes with it? Hmm.

Speaker 1 15:14

Probably Achiever comes with it. Hmm, probably achiever. Achievers are not necessarily relatable and that's like one of I think one of my purposes is to be relatable, because I would not have resonated with you in the beginning. I want to make sure I would have resonated with me. That's like alignment, you know.

Speaker 2 15:32

Yeah, I have to explore that more At your darkest moments.

Speaker 1 15:35

I wouldn't have listened to you. I didn't resonate with you. I could tell you weren't like me or I wasn't like you.

Speaker 2 15:42

Do you think you would resonate with you now, In this moment being?

Speaker 1 15:45

vulnerable.

Speaker 2 15:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's awesome, but I'm afraid to lose that. I don't think you will. We'll see, but of course I would think that, all right, we get a pop.

Outro

Speaker 1 15:56

Group coaching starts October 8th at 5 pm Eastern Standard Time. We'll have the link in the show notes information. All that happy jazz as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans. You all tomorrow. Please reach out. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Speaker 2 16:18

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Speaker 1 16:26

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.