#1837 - One Way Your Emotions Sabotage You

Do you ever feel like your emotions are holding you back from reaching your goals? In this episode, Kevin and Alan discuss how emotions can sabotage your progress and offer simple tips to break free from those negative cycles. They share personal stories and explain the difference between the “doom loop” and the “success loop.” You’ll also learn why small actions can lead to significant changes over time and how having support can keep you on track even on your most challenging days.

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Show notes:
(02:35) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Triangle
(05:13) How emotions sabotage progress
(06:26) Doom Loop Vs. Success Loop
(09:32) Recogn

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

worst case, okay, cool. Instead of doing 20 minutes of your morning routine, you do 10 minutes. Awesome. That is still 100% more than you would do if you didn't do any of it, and I think that's why it's maybe it's procrastination and doom loop are very similar, at least from my perspective.

Speaker 2 0:20

And that's all true, and that's a true version of us. So I don't make that wrong. But what you're not seeing is waking up five minutes before a meeting going. How in the f*** am I supposed to? How did I sleep till 10? I was in bed at 11. Who sleeps 11 hours?

Speaker 1 0:38

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and.

Speaker 2 0:42

I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus, at.

Speaker 1 0:46

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Speaker 2 0:52

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Speaker 1 0:58

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Speaker 2 1:21

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Speaker 1 1:22

Welcome to Next Level University, completely free. Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,837, one Way your Emotions Sabotage you. So I identify as an emotionally driven human. I don't really know. I guess maybe there's emotionally driven and logically driven. Emotionally driven humans feel their way into action. Logically thinking humans act their way into feelings. Blanket statement. Think their way into action. Think their way into feelings. Blanket statement. Think their way into action. Think their way into action. Think yeah, yeah, it makes sense. Think, feel feelings strong work real quick.

Speaker 2 2:14

Yeah, cognitive behavioral therapy. There's a triangle, not mine, this is the cbt triangle. Sure, you have behavior, thoughts, thoughts and feelings, and they all feed each other. So which one do you weigh heavier, whether you're emotionally driven, quote unquote, or rational or logical.

Speaker 1 2:35

Okay, I appreciate that. I appreciate that very much. The reason I wanted to do this episode is because one of the patterns that I have recognized in myself is when I feel bad, I don't naturally want to do good. When I feel stuck, when I feel scarce, when I feel overwhelmed, when I feel like I'm failing, when I feel like I'm failing, my natural reaction is not to say, okay, cool, let's do something about it. That's not the way I'm naturally wired Emotionally. I want to shut down because I'm already so uncomfortable. I don't want to make myself more uncomfortable. I've noticed that recently and over the course of this.

Speaker 1 3:33

But I think that's one of the reasons the journey has been challenging and that's why, going back to yesterday's episode, I said you're such a big part of the level of success that I've been able to have because I have to keep up with you. So it doesn't matter Whatever you're having a bad day, it doesn't really matter. If I'm having a bad day, I can take my moment and I can do my thing and I'll take care of me, but I I have to keep up with the pace. But I understand one of the reasons it's so hard for someone who's trying to achieve success If you don't have an accountability accountability partner, if you don't have a peak performance partner, if you don't have a coach, if you're not in a community. When you feel bad, it's really easy to just keep riding that.

Speaker 1 4:14

I think the quote misery loves company is very appropriate for this. When I feel like I don't want to go to the gym, I don't care, that it's going to make me feel better. I know it. Logically, I know it's going to make me feel better, I don't care. I don't care. When money is tight, I know I shouldn't spend money, but that makes me feel even worse, not spending money To get some level of comfort, to feel some level of normalcy, and I think it becomes this, this perpetual cycle. So I thought it would be a valuable episode to do, not necessarily because alan and I both experienced this, because I think this is an experience that alan has drastically different experience with, but this is definitely something I work through where I consciously have to tell myself I have something on my board. It says stay the f***ing course.

Speaker 1 5:13

That's what it says on my board in big, bold letters, with exclamation point at the end when you feel this is me, this is not, I'm not, this isn't gonna be a clip of me telling you what to do.

Speaker 1 5:26

This is a clip of me telling me what to do when you feel bad, it's most likely because the last time you felt good, you stopped doing the things that led you to feel good, and now you feel bad. You have to go back to doing the things that will make you feel good in time. I think that's the hard thing is when you're in a hole, you realize that you can start doing the positive things right now and nothing might change for a week. Nothing might change for a month, nothing might change for six months, and that sucks, and I think that's so hard. It's so hard to say, well, yeah, I'll turn it around now and then I'll wait six months to see any results. It's yeah. It's kind of a, it's a paradox, as we would say. So I thought it'd be cool to do an episode on that the I've been talking a lot about this.

Speaker 2 6:16

We did an episode on it the doom loop versus the success loop. And the doom loop is I don't believe in it, so I don't take messy action, so I don't get results, which then makes me believe in it less.

Speaker 2 6:26

The success loop is I believe in something, so I I take massive messy action and I get results. And so what happens is you're in the success loop, you believe in it, you take messy action, you're getting results, you're getting momentum, you're feeling progress, but then you fail, you take L's and then you start to feel like crap about yourself. When you take those L's, do you go over to the doom loop and start believing in it less? That's the base problem that we all face, some of us more than others. When I so, for example, in sales, when you have the ask of hey, are you interested, and someone says no, no, no. Are you interested and someone says no, no, no. Do you believe in the product less? Does that affect your belief? Because if it does, then you're going to sell it less and then you're going to reinforce the belief that it's not a valuable product and maybe it's not right. So you have to draw a line here. You can't get a thousand no's without a single yes, without re-evaluating. Hey, maybe this is the wrong target demographic, maybe our product is dog crap, maybe, maybe, maybe. But if you go into it, knowing the numbers of, okay, 10 people I'm exposed to, three might be interested. One might purchase it and again, that's a metaphor for sales. But anything, 10 workouts that I go to the gym, three I'm going to crush. One of them is going to be really, really, really good and one of them I'm going to look in the mirror and actually love it there.

Speaker 2 8:01

Emilia and I go to the gym. She said this recently. She said something. She said you look amazing today. I, I appreciate it. Thank you, what exactly were you looking at? Because I didn't feel that way at all. You know how, when you feel flat and you just aren't, you know how, sometimes in the freaking gym and you feel like a blow up doll, you have a great pump and you're huge and you feel strong and capable and you're pain free. It's the best. It's the best and you're under the lights going. Oh my God, am I a goddamn superhero? This is the best. I have one, maybe every month Like one workout where I actually feel that way Really, but the majority of my workouts are struggle buses, 100% Interesting. Yeah, I don't get great pumps, man, even when you and I used to be in shape.

Speaker 2 8:51

I used to not be that masculine.

Speaker 1 8:53

I'm the opposite. I had one Reese's Cup before the gym today because I'm not dieting, quote, unquote. And I was like my gosh, I am crushing it.

Speaker 2 9:05

Dude, you are built for bodybuilding 100%. I am convinced.

Speaker 1 9:10

I am convinced. Let me ask you this, because this I I think oh man, how do you even know You're going from the success loop To the doom loop? Because I feel like that is the. It's very hard to know. What are the indicators? What are the indicators Of the success loop? What are the indicators Of the doom loop? And then what is the indication that you're moving between One to the other one?

Speaker 2 9:32

I said this earlier to emilia yesterday, not earlier yesterday. I said I'm excited, I think q4 will be the biggest quarter we've ever had and and you said this to me once you said are you predicting that or are you going to make that happen? And I said it's both. But I said I'm excited to gear up for the biggest q4 we've ever had, and I said not just in terms of results, I'm talking inputs. So to answer your question about the success loop and the doom loop, you know you're in the doom loop when you're taking less action. It's that simple. When you are taking less action, you are in the doom loop.

Speaker 2 10:10

I've been saying this lately and I think it might be triggering for people. But I think it's important because it also might trigger and wake you up. Not wake you up in a negative way, but get you motivated. The people who are in action, in the arena, getting after it, grinding as much as that sucks and it does they are always going to be the envy of the people sitting around feeling sorry for themselves for sure I woke up this morning.

Speaker 2 10:36

I playfully joke with kev I I went nine years without getting sick and then I got not super sick, I had a pretty, pretty hard cold, not a big deal, but I had a little care package and all that. And I just I know I've been playing on all cylinders lately and I've been flirting with burnout. And I woke up this morning it was 3 am or something. I got some work done and I was ooh my throat. I said okay, interesting, this is ridiculous.

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Speaker 1 11:04

I can't believe that this is happening again. Next level nation. What is happening? If you've thought to yourself, I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes and we would love to see you there.

Speaker 2 11:53

And so I woke up this morning and I have my care package. I do all my stuff and I'm not functioning on all cylinders today by any means, but I can either go nap and take, take the day, or I can do the thing that I know is best. Now am I going to go above and beyond and schedule things all the way into the evening, like I normally would? Am I going to work late? Probably not, because that's not optimal. I'm going to try to get better.

Acting your way into feeling

Speaker 2 12:14

However, there's to your point, originally in the start of this episode, the doom loop. Another doom loop is I feel bad about myself or about my circumstances. I think about how bad it is, which makes me feel worse, and then the last thing I want to do is go have courage and take massive action and go take another rejection. And so it's the person who can train themselves for lack of better phrasing to consistently get back up, get back up, get back up, get back up. And to me, I try really hard to tie my self-esteem to the inputs and the progress and the action rather than the results, because if you can do that, you can get way. You will end up getting way more results. You just will, because I know that I'll feel terrible if I'm not doing all I can. So I try to tie my self-esteem to doing all I can with all I have. And if I can't authentically say I'm doing all I can with all I have, then I that. That's what makes me feel really bad about myself.

Speaker 2 13:17

And and so you mentioned earlier you said, people who act their way into feeling. If I could give this is going to sound like a fortune cookie quote and we try not to do those at NLU, but it really is. If you can become the type of person who acts their way into feeling instead of feels their way into action, you're going to be 10 times better off. I don't feel like going to the gym. I didn't feel like going for a walk last night. I don't feel like doing a lot of the stuff I do I today. I did not feel like doing this podcast, but I do know intellectually, if I do this podcast, it will give me momentum. I do know it's what's best. I will feel better after. And if I take the action and actually do it, then the feeling, the positive feeling, will come as a byproduct, versus if I go and cancel this, say, hey, kev, I can't do it today and I'm napping. I know I'm going to wake up feeling terrible about myself and that's just going to make it worse.

Speaker 1 14:13

Yeah, that's a big piece of it. That is a big piece of it. I've done my morning routine however many days in a row I don't know, I genuinely don't know, but every morning it's kind of like I don't really want to. But once I put my AirPods in and I listen to whatever I'm listening to, then it's good, I'm good. The hardest part is to do the thing that starts it. Sometimes I think the hardest part is to put the key in the ignition and start the vehicle. For lack of better phrasing, because we work that up into something Worst case, okay, cool. Instead of doing 20 minutes of your morning routine, you do 10 minutes. Awesome, that is still 100% more than you would.

Speaker 1 14:57

Maybe it's procrastination and doom loop are very similar, at least from my perspective. I have a hair I think I have my wife's hair hanging from my hat where you just try to do anything to be able to check the box and you might actually get a more. That's probably not going to be a good one. Yeah, do anything to check the box and you might actually get more done than you would if you said well, it has to be all or nothing. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It can be something or nothing, and I think that is a drastic difference, and I think progress is something that is so personal to us. Where would you rather do it for five minutes or zero? Five minutes is drastically better than zero, even though it doesn't feel like you're making any progress. Maybe you're not, but what if the progress you're making is you're building momentum, so you actually want to do it more tomorrow? That's exactly it.

Speaker 2 15:57

That five minutes will turn into momentum.

Speaker 2 16:00

It will turn into feeling better about yourself. It always is going to feel better in terms of, yeah, you can only let yourself down so many times before it becomes this dark hole, and all of us have been there and I say I've been there too 100% Many, many, many times. I think that I just I climb out quicker than I used to. I don't want anyone to think that I don't struggle with this. I think that I.

Speaker 2 16:31

I remember I used to have bad months back in high school, and then those turned into bad weeks, and then it was bad weekends, and then it was bad days, and then it was a bad couple hours. The longest I'm down and out now is usually probably a couple hours, and even that is very, very rare. And so today I've had some down moments and I really need to make this clear. I call them elbows on your knees moments. You're sitting in a chair by yourself, your elbows are on your knees. You're looking down at the floor, going how in the fuck am I going to do this? How in the fuck am I going to do this today? I have those. I do. No one sees that shit and that everyone has those. Everyone has those. I just don't stay there. I don't stay there, I don't let myself stay there, and I have a pep talk with myself.

Speaker 2 17:29

I coach myself Alan, what's the alternative? Lose everything you value. What's the alternative? Give up? What's the alternative? Lay people off? No, let's go right. And so I coach myself. I'm a coach and I coach myself all the time and I I think that people see social media and they see me and they see you and they see us ignited and they see us crushing it and motivated, and that's all true and that's a true version of us. So I don't make that wrong. But what you're, what you're not seeing, is waking up five minutes before a meeting going. How in the how did I sleep till 10? I was in bed at 11. Who sleeps 11 hours?

Speaker 1 18:17

right, a little baby cub that needs it yeah, yeah, well, it's, it's, it's.

Speaker 2 18:23

I'm up at 3 am yesterday, so again, the pressure. Too much pressure, you'll crumble. So you need to take care of yourself. Too little pressure and you get complacent fast. And I'm not I mean metaphorical you and this is the I always get made fun of when I talk about the economy, expansions and recessions. Everyone understands what those are. Expansions and recessions happen because when things are good, human beings get lazy. They just do, myself included, and so, naturally, what happens when people get lazy? Things start to crumble and and so we get our humility back every recession and we start buttoning up and dialing it in and getting after it, and so the only way to get to a better place is to take action in a positive, constructive direction.

Speaker 2 19:10

I'll go, I'll go for a walk or I'll listen to a book. The amount of time that I spend trying to find a good, inspirational, motivational, educational video is obnoxious. I'll spend 10, 15 minutes just to get that, that little bit of juice that I need to start my day off right, because I sometimes I do. How am I going to do nine back-to-backs today? I don't even feel well and it's okay, let's get it, let's, let's find something. Okay, coach michael burr, let's listen to one of his speeches that. That fires me up and and you, you get into it, you get a little caffeine in you.

Speaker 1 19:42

Always Drive it in, yeah drive it right into you.

Speaker 2 19:45

You take a shower.

Speaker 1 19:46

You put on some clothing. You've got to put on some clothing. Clothing helps, especially if you're going to be camera ready. Speaking of back-to-back, you and I have Kids are fired up.

Speaker 2 19:59

Sorry about that. No, no, no, no, I'm not making that wrong.

Speaker 1 20:02

I apologize for cursing, we sometimes were fired up. I think I feel like you and I are fired up. We've had some very deep, heartfelt conversations behind the scenes over the last few days and I feel like you and I me more than you are coming out on the other side of that.

Speaker 2 20:16

Yeah, don't. Don't forget why you're doing this. Don't forget the alternative. Don't forget how bad it used to suck when you were a car kid and a bus boy. Don't forget where you came from and to me. I've got to reconnect to that why, in those tough moments, I'll fight for you, amelia. You've got to fight for something bigger than yourself, I think. I think that's what keeps you going during the hard times.

Outro

Speaker 1 20:42

Yeah, Well, we talked about that a lot on yesterday's episode when we told Kevin's story. All right, we got to go. A group coaching starts October 5th. Alan has coaching spots available. I have coaching spots available for podcasters. Please subscribe if you have not, so you never miss an opportunity to get to you. We appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Keep after it. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next.

Speaker 2 21:13

Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Speaker 1 21:22

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.