Next Level University

#1847 - Aligning The 3 People You Are…

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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0:00 | 23:11

Ever feel pulled in too many directions, trying to be someone you’re not? In this episode, Kevin and Alan discuss connecting who you need to be, who you want to be, and who you are. Sharing personal stories, they discuss the challenges of balancing work, family, and personal growth. Kevin opens up about how feeling off-track can lead to burnout, while Alan emphasizes the need to reset priorities regularly. They offer practical advice on maintaining a healthy work-life balance and taking small breaks to stay grounded. It’s a relatable, insightful conversation for anyone on a path to self-discovery.

Link mentioned:
Next Level Dreamliner: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:27) Alan’s mini identity crisis and reflections on growth
(4:17) Balancing work and personal life
(5:33) Exploring the three circles: need to be, aspire to be, and who you indeed are
(8:01) How burnout and lack of self-care can throw you off balance
(11:24) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching.
(14:10) Practical advice on meeting your needs sustainably
(19:38) The importance of c

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

when you withhold for a long period of time, you eventually find a way to get your needs met. And when your needs aren't met for a very, very long period of time, I think you assume it takes more to actually meet the need than it does just because you've been without for so long.

Speaker 2

I think the center point between those three circles is when we feel the most fulfilled is when we're in the center and I feel off-center because I'm too far towards who I need to be and I think I'm missing a lot of who I want to be and who I actually am in terms of quality time with my family and that kind of thing.

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Speaker 2

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Speaker 1

At.

Speaker 2

NLU. We believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love health and wealth.

Speaker 1

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness. Topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Speaker 1

Self-improvement in your pocket every day, from anywhere, completely free. Welcome to Next Level University University, Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,847, aligning the Three People you Are. I know it doesn't make any sense to me either and it's a very, very weird title, but Alan and I had a very deep conversation yesterday. We were supposed to record three episodes. I'll let you guess how many. We recorded More than zero, less than two.

Speaker 2

Yes 33%.

Speaker 1

We got done. But we were having a really deep conversation and at one point Alan said something along the lines of I don't know if I'm the right person. I need to be right now Like dude, are you having some sort of out-of-body experience? Tell him what's going on. And then he proceeded to explain what we're going to talk about today alignment with the three people you are. So I'm just going to kick it to you because I don't really know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2

The first thing I want to say is this is Saturday for us recording, Sunday for you listening. True, that will be a true yes, Happy Sunday everybody. What's happening? I'm excited to have Kevin and I here helping you reach your full potential. I just wanted to start with that I respect it. So yesterday I had a little mini identity crisis.

Speaker 1

Yeah, quick time out. Now we're going to leave this in. This is live. Is your mic on a different setting? Today, alan's trying a new laptop. Is your mic on a different setting somewhere? Not to my awareness, it was a little. It sounded like there might be a little peaking when you, when you, talked loud it's on 75.

Speaker 2

Okay, can you take a quick look?

Speaker 1

at audacity for me.

Speaker 2

Yes, just see if we're behind the scenes for everybody. Just see if we're redlining when you're talking into the mic, hello hello, hello, hello, hello, hello oh we're normal, okay, normal, the waves look good, the only thing is it's in stereo, not mono, but we can have the team it's gonna be fine. Yeah, let's just be fine all right, let's leave all that in team yeah, behind the scenes yeah, we want to be.

Speaker 2

You're on the journey with us, everyone's on the journey with us. Okay, where was I? Yeah, so, mini identity crisis we are all growing, evolving. I've been talking a lot about this lately. I'm going to be 36 in november. I'm trying to figure out who alan 3.6 is. I'm doing it in advance, a couple months in advance and lately I feel very off center and I know why. I am definitely putting more on the court than I've ever put on. So we all have expansion contraction, expansion contraction. So everyone picture a time in your life when you were putting it more on the court than I've ever put on. So we all have expansion contraction, expansion contraction. So everyone picture a time in your life when you were putting it all on the court. You were grinding, you were growing, you were just out there doing it, taking courageous, messy, massive action.

Speaker 2

That's been me over the last couple of weeks and I told Kev this yesterday. I said I feel like I'm off center. I'm podcast this, our show, conscious Couples, I'm going on other shows. I'm very grateful for all this, by the way. So I'm saying this with gratitude. And then I'm coaching more people than I've ever coached. I've got two clients that just jumped to twice a week. I've got two clients that just went from monthly to biweekly. So my frequency, intensity, density, duration of podcasting, training, coaching has just ramped way up and I don't feel like I have a lot of silence between the notes, for lack of better phrasing, to to redesign the music.

Speaker 2

And yesterday I we were supposed to record three episodes and I didn't have it, and normally that that's very rare and I got rocked by a couple different things that happened that I'm not going to get into. But what I do know is I said I don't feel like my best self and what I meant by that I told kev. I said picture of n diagram, three circles upper left circle is who I need to be to achieve not only my goals but NLU's goals CEO, podcaster, trainer, speaker, coach, etc. Etc. Etc.

Speaker 2

Then the next circle. So the first circle is who you need to be to achieve your goals. The second circle is who you aspire to be, who you want to be, the type of friend you want to be, the type of intimate partner you want to be the type of friend you want to be, the type of intimate partner you want to be, the type of father you want to be or mother. I lately I haven't spent any quality time with my pets Tucker Tauriel and Tilly Tiger Lily Tauriel I always, whenever I spend, I grind and I don't spend enough time with her, she'll go to my side of the bed and she'll knock my stuff.

Speaker 2

We call it knocking daddy's stuff. She never knocks Emilia's stuff, and if we go away for too many days, I'll come home and all my stuff will be knocked over off my bedside table in the bedroom and Emilia's stuff is perfectly fine. She's mad at me and you can see it in her face too. She's just you haven't spent any time with me, so I'm probably a day and a half away from her knocking all my stuff. But luckily Sunday's coming up so I'll give her some love.

Speaker 2

But ultimately I'm not spending a lot of quality time with Emilia or with my little family, and so I'm not in alignment with who I want to be, but I am in alignment with who I need to be. And then the third is who I really am, which I'm refiguring out. What is alan 3.6? What am? What am I going to leave behind in terms of mindset, beliefs, actions, habits, metrics, persons, places, things and ideas? What about me in my 36th year on earth is going to be different.

Speaker 2

One thing I said recently on the podcast and I kind of caught myself whoa did I just say that out loud and I said this. I said I'm never again going to work with someone ever again who does not take personal responsibility, and when I saw myself say that out loud I was whoa, that's new, and we're reading a book called Identity Shift in Book Club and Anthony Trucks, actually today, during the day of this recording, came on to Book Club and we're talking a lot about identity lately, so that's part of this too is who is the 3.6 version of Alan? And for Kev, 3.5 version of Kevin. I'm going to be 36 in November and for you out there listening, whether you're 22 or 47 or our age, what is that?

Speaker 1

If you're two years old? Shout out to you for being two. That's awesome. What's the two-year-old version of you? Make sure you like, subscribe, share with your infant friends.

Speaker 2

We appreciate that very much, Thank you Believe it or not, we might have a two-year-old listener. One of the book club members Shout out to Bonnie she's also a client, she has listens. So I gotta be careful with the f-bombs, but every now and then you gotta throw one in to emphasize a point. Of course. See, yeah, see, kevin agrees. That's good news.

Speaker 2

So again, upper left, who you need to be to achieve your dreams, goals need to be upper right, who you aspire to be, the type of man you want to be, the type of woman you want to be, the type of woman you want to be, whatever you identify as. And then the third is who you really are, because you're constantly uncovering who you really are on this growth journey and I think the center point between those three circles is when we feel the most fulfilled is when we're in the center and I feel off center because I'm too far towards who I need to be and I think I'm missing a lot of who I want to be and who I actually am in terms of quality time with my family and that kind of thing.

Speaker 1

I had. You and I were talking about this before we did this episode. I said I think I need to sleep in tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

I, just I am. So I'm just tired, not just yeah, not oh, I didn't get enough sleep. Tired Just physically. I'm just emotionally, mentally, physically, just drained. And who I've needed to be recently is just get up at the same time every single day go do the thing, go to the gym, do this, do this Today. I love getting up early on the weekends. I do Today. I got up early. I went to the gym. I to the gym, do this, do this Today. I love getting up early on the weekends. I do Today. I got up early. I went to the gym. I did legs. It was wonderful. But I feel like the person I want to be is that the person I need to be right now is I need to just sleep a little bit. Just sleep until 8. Maybe you don't have to get up at 6.

Speaker 2

You. You don't have to get up at 6. You can go to bed at 8.

Speaker 1

I wake up at 8. Once a week.

Speaker 2

I know you love the 6 am thing and I respect it. I do love the 6 am thing. I admire it. I really do. Emilia and I do the 10 pm bedtime and we're 46 days in a row. However, we go off the rails every Saturday.

Speaker 1

And I feel like once a week.

Speaker 2

I need a little zig and zag. I suggest an off-the-rails reasonable off-the-rails.

Speaker 1

I'm not saying to go on a weekend bender. Well, you say three glasses of whiskey.

Speaker 2

How many would you say? How many are we talking? I would just say give yourself the permission slip once a week. And again, this frequency can be catered to everyone. Choose your own life. But ultimately, I actually think it's mathematically sound to give yourself that, because would I actually sustain the 10 pm bedtime for the rest of my life without ever going? No way. I would say screw this, this sounds terrible. Well, is it worth it? Is it worth it Exactly?

Speaker 1

It's not worth it. It's not worth it. This is the hard thing. There are times if we were to imagine what it feels like to be out of alignment with the person that you need to be aspire to be currently are. No, no Need to be aspire to be.

Speaker 2

That was correct. Is that what it was Need to be want to be? And then who you really are which is need to be, want to be and the who you really are, I think, is underneath, because you have to dig for it Kind of in the, in the metaphor.

Speaker 1

Next level nation. What is happening? If you've thought to yourself, I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes and we would love to see you there.

Speaker 1

So need to be. Let's say, hypothetically it's I need to be more productive. I need to be more intentional. Intentional means going to bed and waking up, not just whenever there's got to be some intention behind it. I'm not saying you've got to get up at 5. I'm not saying you've got to go to bed at 10. You do your own thing. We have those times where you're laying in bed and you have the moment where you look at your phone and you say I really should go to bed. All you're saying is the person that I want to be would go to bed right now. That's the person that I want to be, they would go to bed right now.

Speaker 1

But it's also hard on the other end, where the person I want to be would say Kev, you're getting burnt out. Kev, I know you want to get up at 6 because it makes you feel productive. Kev, I know you want to go to the gym before Taryn wakes up and then you're going to have date day. I know you want to do all these things, but is that what you need to be right now? And I think that's why it's so hard, because the ego says no, just go to the gym, man, go lift heavy weight and get up at 6. You're getting 7.5 hours of sleep, you're getting decent sleep scores.

Speaker 1

But there's that knowing piece of me that says Kev, just sleep, man. When's the last time I slept without an alarm clock? I have no clue. I could not tell you. I have no freaking clue, not a clue. Let's give that a shot and see. But there's always that there is always the conflict. I think conflict is a good thing. I think conflict is a good thing because it's a reminder of what you value as a human being. The conflict of I really should go to bed right now, or you know what I really should sleep in right now, or I really should send that message right now, or I really shouldn't send that message right now. Yeah, those, those conflicts are what help us either stay aligned, get realigned, or realize that we're not aligned in the first place. It's really hard to visualize those things.

Speaker 2

Okay, so let's say we go back to the 10-pound-in-10-week challenge. Kevin and I so need to be in a deficit, want to eat a high-calorie meal. Oh yeah, we are the type of person who loves food. We'll say for sure. How do you integrate the three? That's valuable because if you neglect any one for too long, they're gonna take you off the rails. If you neglect you, okay, I want chinese food. Awesome. You can't do it all the time, but if you never do it, you're eventually gonna binge overdo it.

Speaker 1

Yeah, you're gonna eventually overdo it.

Speaker 2

And so I think there's practicality in and, and everyone needs some non-negotiables, because I know this sounds conflicting. Well, you guys never miss an episode. There's a couple things that are non-negotiable that I never miss. Kevin never misses. But the zig and the zag in between these three things, it's very you. If you don't integrate these three parts of your nature, it's not sustainable.

Speaker 1

You. There is a. There is a scientific term for this, and I don't know what it is. We're going to talk about science in the next episode. Nice, what a freaking nightmare for me. We're going to talk about science in the next episode. I think you're more of a scientist than you give credit for.

Speaker 2

Maybe I am.

Speaker 1

I have Bunsen burners and beakers and all sorts of stuff lying around that I play with occasionally. I got my goggles and I have my Now.

Speaker 2

We know Kevin's image in his head when he thinks of a scientist 100%.

Speaker 1

Now we know Bunsen, burners and beakers Hundo P, hundo P and burners and beakers hundo p. There is a scientific thing, I believe, that is essentially going off the rails when you have that rebel inside of you that says I don't really care, I'm gonna stay up until two, I just don't care, yep, or I'm going to. I don't care that I'm not gonna eat 26 tacos, don't care, I'm going to order 26 tacos and see what happens there. There is something to that, because it's called the rebel.

Speaker 1

It is, it is, it's the rebel everyone has a rebel yeah, when you withhold for a long period of time, you eventually find a way to get your needs met. And when your needs aren't met for a very, very long period of time, I think you assume it takes more to actually meet the need than it does just because you've been without for so long definitely so that's, another interesting thing it doesn't take looking at the time oh yeah, so I put 16 hours instead. Of 16 hours. It's gonna be a long ass episode.

Speaker 2

You're a buckle in, so kev had me set a timer and I he said 17 minutes. I put 17 hours, so it's been 15 minutes. Since then I can see because it says 16, 45. Wow, that's, that's the state I'm in. What a huge oversight. Huge, huge oversight. Slight percent error on that one. So I talked about this with a client recently. I said you need to know where your superchargers are. So the metaphor I've said it before, but the Tesla has superchargers and then trickle chargers and the trickle chargers take forever. So picture the iPhone or your Android and the Amazon knockoff chargers that take forever and don't ever charge anything.

Speaker 1

And they make your phone so hot.

Speaker 2

Why is it?

Speaker 1

smoking. Is it supposed to be smoking smoked?

Speaker 2

I don't think so well, you did save three bucks.

Speaker 1

So that's true. Yeah, now my phone's on fire in my pocket so, yeah, go with the main charger.

Speaker 2

But if we all have tesla superchargers or iphone chargers that work in this metaphor, what are they for you? For me? Me watching a good film or watching one I don't know the name of it, I really don't. It's a swimming one, it's a period piece. It's awesome, but it doesn't take that much. I don't need that much. I need 30 minutes will make all the difference.

Speaker 2

But the difference between me having an hour of R&R a night and me having no R&R is the difference between someone who will eventually go off the rails or someone who can sustain this.

Speaker 2

And it does change. Your center point changes because each of these circles change. So only you can know for you what's optimal in terms of and you know, if you have that honest conversation with yourself and you coach yourself and you sit yourself down and you say, okay, I, I know that I've been on point and I know that if I don't go to the movies or or order dominoes or whatever it is, I'm I'm gonna hate this and I'm not gonna be able to sustain it. And if you, if you don't satisfy those needs ever, it will eventually take the driver's seat or the wheel and it will drive you right into a weekend bender in this metaphor, obviously not a bender, but at the end of the day, you've got to find a way to meet your needs. You've got to understand what they are and you've got to do it in a sustainable way that's not destructive.

Speaker 1

That's the if you do it 80% of the time. If If you do it 80% of the time, if you do the positive thing 80% of the time, you're going to make progress, as long as the 20% of the time does not overweigh or overpower the 80%. Yep In this. We'll do a revisit of this episode in the very near future because I think we could do a really deep dive. When you and I have more than a couple brain cells that are operating on a very high frequency, I think we're riding the struggle bus a little bit, but I also know this probably would benefit from having a longer episode.

Speaker 2

Okay, so we'll dive into this one. We'll dive into this one. Find your center in between those three what you need to be in order to achieve your dreams, what you want to be and what you aspire to and who you really are and try to find the center point between those three. And that's a constant thing. You have to consistently calibrate, and it does. It changes year over year. Consistent calibration, yeah.

Speaker 1

Would you say you're?

Speaker 2

centered.

Speaker 1

You're in the center.

Speaker 2

I don't even know who I am right now. Yeah, I think.

Speaker 1

I think I had my identity crisis maybe a month before you. One of us always wins that race. This time it was me. Usually it's closer. I think usually it happens closer.

Speaker 2

You think it was a month ago, dude, that was like last week. Last week yeah it is close, it is close.

Speaker 1

Yeah, I don't know, I'm not really sure I feel like it. I feel the most dialed in I ever have, at a moment where I was getting ready to go to the gym today and I was like at saturday I'm gonna listen to my gym's five minutes away, I'm gonna listen to music on the way and I said, no, you're not. You don't feel as good when you listen to music. You feel as good in the moment, but you don't feel as good as looking down on the character of kev.

Speaker 2

If you play in the Sims.

Speaker 1

I listened to whatever book you recommended and then I recommended it to Taryn. I was like you're going to love this book. The Art of. Thinking Clearly, the Art of Thinking Clearly.

Speaker 2

Yeah, that was recommended by Bianca. Shout out to B.

Speaker 1

Shout out to B. It's a great book. That book is great.

Speaker 2

Yeah, that's probably making it my top 10.

Speaker 1

Speaking of top 10 books, if you have not yet purchased a next level Dreamliner. Again, I will not talk about something I'm not using. I use this Bad Larry every day. I love it. I'm not just saying this because it's our product. I am so excited to use it every day. I feel like I'm crushing life. Nice, is this the reason? No, it's not just this right, but this is a big piece of it. No, no's not just this right, but this is a big piece of it. So we'll have the no, no, no, it's just that, just this. Yeah, never mind, quit the podcast, buy the Dreamliner. We'll talk to you in three months. We'll talk to you soon. Have a good one Also. Group 16 is officially closed. This is the first ever group that we've had. Every single person in the group is a podcaster. Whoa, I might have a mental breakdown out of excitement.

Speaker 2

I just made it sound like I didn't know that I did know that.

Speaker 1

What are we doing? Here I'm pumped it's going to be awesome, thank you.

Speaker 2

Shout out to everyone who did sign up. Group 16 is all podcasters.

Speaker 1

It's going to be very different. Yes, we are literally going to redo the entire program to make it more aligned for podcasters. Just this one.

Speaker 2

Not every one.

Outro

Speaker 1

Next time, if there's no podcasters, it'll be completely different. That's the beauty of it. Okay, we're going to go. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, we are grateful for each and every one of you. We appreciate you, we are grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU, we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Please reach out. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Speaker 2

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Speaker 1

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host