Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
Normalize Putting Yourself First If It Isn't Natural (1853)
Are you constantly worried about not responding to texts right away? Does it feel like you always put others' needs before yours? In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan dive into normalizing self-care and setting healthy relationship boundaries. They challenge the idea that you must always respond immediately and address how our expectations of others can lead to unnecessary stress. Life is busy, and sometimes people just can’t get back to you instantly—and that’s okay. They also discuss the balance between caring for your goals and maintaining relationships. You’ll hear personal stories about how prioritizing yourself can lead to healthier connections and better mental well-being. Tune in to discover why focusing on your happiness and growth isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
Link mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Free 30-Minute Business Coaching Call with Alan: https://bit.ly/3ASu9wu
______________________
NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.
For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇
Website 💻 http://www.nextleveluniverse.com
_______________________
Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meet-up: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
_______________________
We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.
Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/
Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/
Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com
LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/
_______________________
Show notes:
(3:00) The unrealistic expectation of immediate responses
(5:23) Personal story: Feeling guilty for late responses
(9:56) Setting relationship boundaries and expectations
(13:20) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(16:23) Understanding self-soothing and avoiding resentment
(19:17) Positive assumptions and sustaining relationships
And he'll message me and be like dude, I don't know how I missed this. I do. You're fucking busy and you're trying to pay the bills and you're getting married and you have a business. Of course you didn't text me back. You're good man, because you've been dealing with this for years from me.
Speaker 2:I think all of this comes down to this one principle of learning how to self-soothe, learning how to understand that disappointments are constant and the world, just quite frankly, does not revolve around you. However, if you take that too far, you might end up a doormat, so you got to be careful. You.
Speaker 1:Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,853, I'm fired up about this topic Normalize, putting yourself first. Okay, what do I mean by that? We've done episodes before on memes that are just overblown, and I think people take them way too seriously and they treat them like they're facts, and I think that's one of the reasons memes are such a big part of the world and of culture culture because they are common experiences that I think we've all experienced.
Speaker 1:It's like oh yeah, I felt that I'm not the only person who's ever felt that Interesting. One that has always bugged me is usually from a female to a male perspective and it's if he cared enough, he would text you back. The problem is there should be an and and then you could add on something. Alan knows I'm fired up about this. I love it. The only really what I mean about that is what if the person he or she, whatever is out dream chasing? What if that person is struggling with life right now and the last thing they want to do is message you back pretending that they're super happy? What if they're not ready to be vulnerable with you about the fact that work has been terrible and they're dealing with depression or whatever it is. What if we could normalize messaging somebody back when we felt like we were?
Speaker 1:ready to message them back now. I'm not saying if you're dating someone they should just not respond to you for weeks at a time. I'm not saying that's healthy, but they're the weird thing of if the person cared enough, they would get back to you. We didn't have access to people like we have access to people 15 years ago. 20 years years ago I remember I had a buddy and I used to have to call his home landline. I had to remember his number or write it down.
Speaker 2:Do you remember anyone's number from way back?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I'm not going to say them, and you shouldn't either.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's okay. I don't think they're real numbers anymore.
Speaker 1:Why not?
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe no one has landlines anymore, yeah, of course they do. A lot of old folks do, okay all right, yeah man, a lot of older folks do well, they shouldn't.
Speaker 1:No, it costs the same amount, so I think it's cheaper to have a phone line. It's like oh, you don't. You want wi-fi, no cable and no phone okay, that'll be 400 a month. Oh, you want a phone, that'll be $400 a month. Oh, you want a phone, we'll give you $15 a month.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, we'll take that Give me a $17.95 box Give me a cordless as well.
Speaker 1:So I'm not saying I'm not saying that it should be to the toxic degree, but if you're listening to this, you're a dream chaser. Maybe on the weekend you get busy taking pictures and then you get super passionate about editing the pictures and you don't look at your freaking cell phone. Maybe your cell phone's on silent and you don't get bings and dings and rings, as Alan says when he's talking about this. I just I think it sets a potentially negative precedent. I'm not saying that somebody shouldn't text you back for days and weeks, that's not what I'm saying. But sometimes you're out here doing it and the last thing on your mind is going to your cell phone and making sure everything is taken care of. So I thought it would be an interesting episode and this is the ultimate thing Putting yourself first. I know people are waiting for responses. That doesn't matter if I'm not good. It doesn't matter if I have five emails that need to be responded to, if I'm burning down, and I just don't care.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's brutal. You don't want me to respond. Anyway, I'm probably not going to respond in the best way I would. So that's my thought for today's episode.
Speaker 2:Well, our minds make up a bunch of stuff. I have a tangible story for this one. This is something that I'm also very passionate about, so not too, probably two or three weeks ago. Every now and then I touch base with past clients, shout out to Rebecca Rebecca what's happening. She was in group coaching, she was one-on-one coach uh, one coaching client for a long time and then we also did some relationship talks, coaching. It's been awesome. Known Rebecca for years. Okay, I messaged her a couple of weeks ago touching base hey, how's everything going? And she immediately responded that same day and said this, this update, update, this, this is what's going on. Awesome, awesome, cool, cool. And then I felt bad because I didn't get back to her for a couple days. Then I got back to her and she hasn't gotten back to me since.
Speaker 2:This is what happens in my head. Is rebecca mad at me? Yeah, what did I say? Did I offend her? These, these thoughts come up of catastrophizing. Is she did? Was it something I said on the podcast? Is she okay? Is everything good? She? She probably is just living her life because she doesn't not care about alan. That's not true. Most likely 99.9. She doesn't not care about alan. What it most likely is. She has children, she has three jobs, she she's out here doing it, and I think that there is a beautiful maturity here, as you get older and older and older and older, where you realize the world doesn't revolve around you. And it's this weird duality, because the more you realize that, the more free you feel to actually focus on your important work.
Speaker 2:One time Kev called me out one time. He said well, you don't value friendships as much as other people. And I said, no, that isn't true. I just value my goals and dreams more. And I think that that's really important to understand is the reason why Kevin and I bawled our eyes out on episode 1000 is because I tried to explain this. I don't know if I did a good job, but I said, underneath all the intensity and all the drive and all the consistency and all of the work, ethic is caring. That's how much I care, and while one of my friends might be upset that I don't go out of my way to call them on their birthday, it doesn't mean I don't care. It means that I am. You can only have so much care in the world. I really want this to land.
Speaker 2:Imagine you have a certain amount of caring. It's called your lotus of control, but you have a certain amount of caring. You can't put everyone in it. You can't care about everyone and everything. You can't put the weight of every world problem on your shoulders. But what you can do is what you can do, and what you can do is do all you can with all you have.
Speaker 2:And so, no, as you get older, when you're younger, you wish everyone a happy birthday. And then you're in your 20s and you're like, okay, well, now I'll wish 50 people a happy birthday, 50 people happy birthday. And then you get into your 30s and you're like, I don't know, maybe 10 people. And then in your 40s it's five people. Your circle gets smaller and smaller and smaller, but your impact gets bigger and bigger and bigger your priorities.
Speaker 2:You and I have pets. We have households. We have. You have a wife, I have Emilia. You have a wife, I have Emilia. I care more about Emilia's well-being today than I do about someone who texted me two weeks ago that I haven't gotten back to yet, and it's not text. I would say Facebook DM, for example. Texts I actually get back to pretty quickly. That's kind of my point is you're going to drive yourself crazy trying to appease everyone. And I've done it, I've done it before and it really doesn't work well. And you end up resentful and you just end up burning down repeatedly and you keep losing focus and then you wonder why you're not where you want to be.
Speaker 1:Well, that's the interesting thing is okay, what does it say about somebody else? Because this is our thought. I think we're thinking okay, what does it say about somebody else? Because this is our thought. I think we're thinking well, what does it say about me if I don't get back to this text message today? Sure, I love the ownership. I don't want the over-ownership, but I love the ownership. What does it say about the other person if they get genuinely pissed at you because you don't respond to their text message for another day? There's something to that. Because you don't respond to their text message for another day. There's something to that, I'm sure.
Speaker 1:When Taryn and I started dating, I am certain that there were times where I didn't respond for hours a day, probably no more than a day. If that wasn't okay, then we wouldn't be together now, because I would be setting a precedent that I can't guarantee. When I travel, I have to make such a conscious effort to make sure that I FaceTime her before bed because I get so caught up in this thing. Wake up at five, go to the gym, go to the event, go to the event after thing, go back, do my habits Go cry on a park bench, go to the event.
Speaker 2:Go to the event after thing, go back, go cry on a park bench. Go cry on a park bench. Can't miss that again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, go buy chocolate and eat it outside of the store. Leave the venue early and go get.
Speaker 2:Indian food twice.
Speaker 1:But she's called me out before and said hey, you didn't text me last night before bed and it was like I forgot. I was so in it that I was genuinely. It's an L man, it's an L yeah. Yeah, it's your wife, I know, I know, I know, but I think, but again, if that was a friend, it wouldn't be appropriate.
Speaker 2:It wouldn't be appropriate to expect that as a friend. The feedback yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:And even her bringing me that it's never been like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sure she was kind of like that.
Speaker 1:She was completely understanding, Because sometimes when I travel, she falls asleep at 7.30 and she doesn't text me.
Speaker 2:So it's like I understand, baby, two-way street over here, you're good.
Speaker 1:But I, I don't know. I just think there's something to that. If you're Okay, this is the ultimate thought. If you're always doing something for somebody else, that's the only reason you're doing that, is that relationship going to be sustainable anyway? If the only reason I jump on here to podcast is because I know Alan wants me to, what are the odds?
Speaker 1:that I succeed at this Pretty low Zero. And what are the odds that I succeed at this Pretty low Zero? And what are the odds that I don't hate you Zero or you don't hate me eventually? What are the odds?
Speaker 2:Zero. Yeah, they're low, very, very low.
Speaker 1:They're very, very low. That's my early takeaway in this episode. I'm not saying to not care about other people's feelings. I'm not saying to not care about other people's feelings. I'm not saying that. But if you overly care and you're the one who's doing all the work to make sure that the person is not upset with you and they don't do any work on their end, that's not sustainable. Anyway, one of I had a really cool moment recently and this will not be probably relatable, but hopefully there'll be a lesson in it. I and just in general, not a specific moment, matt will not text me back.
Speaker 1:Matt will not text me back for weeks. I love it. I love it Like dude. I know you're out there and I know you're getting after it and he'll message me and be like Dude. I don't know how I missed this. I do. You're fucking busy and you're trying to pay the bills and you're getting married and you have a business. Of course, you didn't text me back. You're good man Because you've been dealing with this for years from me, so wait, do you think he has priorities other than kevin?
Speaker 2:I'm glad he does, I'm glad he does as much as I let's have.
Speaker 1:I love him and yeah, I'm glad he does.
Speaker 2:We're playful with that, but ultimately, I want to say this because I need to not be a coward. I do think it's immature to not take that stance. I do. We do have these expectations. We have expectations of people, we do. We have you go see a movie, you're expecting it to be good and then you're let down. I've been there, it sucks. You're expecting to be texted back the same day and you don't get texts back. It hurts, it sucks. You have to learn how to self-soothe your emotions and One thing that I think you and I have had to learn the hard way through just being in this industry and being rejected countless times. I mean, we had guests that were famous and they wouldn't get back to us. They would no show. It does, it hurts, it sucks. However, they're probably pretty busy. Them coming on our podcast is not their number one priority and there's no world where it should be.
Speaker 2:To be completely honest, Now the other end of the spectrum is you let people walk on you forever and you never call them out. That's a big difference. But one of the things that I do want to make very clear here is if someone is one minute late and you rip them a new one, you're, you're obviously a little entitled. Now, if they're always late and you never say anything, you're probably getting walked on. There's there's a five in between. There, that's really I call maturity and I really believe it's important.
Speaker 2:I emilia just turned 30 today. It's her birthday and I made sure the morning was special and I enjoyed that and we had a great night last night. But she also is an adult and she knows that I have to work today and that the life that we've built together requires that I work and and we are business owners together, so our business will not succeed if, if we aren't working, and so she's working on her birthday. I think that shows a lack of entitlement. We aren't working, and so she's working on her birthday. I think that shows a lack of entitlement. She's not expecting amazing trips and a beautiful home and a wonderful car and a big, bright future and to not have to work, and so I think all of this comes down to this one principle of learning how to self-soothe, learning how to understand that disappointments are constant and the world, just quite frankly, does not revolve around you. However, if you take that too far, you might end up a doormat, so you've got to be careful.
Speaker 1:It is about finding five. And I wouldn't say this I wouldn't do this episode if we had a community of people that were super entitled. If you're listening, you're most likely not. That's just not the type of people that were super entitled. If you're listening, you're most likely not. That's just not the type of community that we tend to attract, but it's just I don't know. You see stuff like that and it's. I used to not understand why people didn't get back to me. I think that's why I like doing an episode like this, because I didn't get it. I didn't get why people couldn't message me back. I didn't get why evan carmichael couldn't message me back. Yeah, it makes sense. I understand now when he does.
Speaker 2:You're blown away. I don't know how he does exactly. Yeah now, I don't know how briefly I know I know we got another five minutes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just On the totem pole of importance in Evan Carmichael's life. I am last Because he's got a family and he has a business and he has 50 people on his team and he has this paid speaking engagement and this thing and this thing and this thing. He has so many priorities. He has so many priorities. So I didn't understand in the beginning. It was very easy to take personally. I think that's kind of what we led with.
Speaker 1:Does this person not like me? Did I say something wrong? No, it's just, you're not the main focus right now. It has nothing to do with you. It doesn't have anything to do with you. It has to do with them. They're going through their own stuff, that's. I think that's one of the hardest things to understand and this was always super hard for me. When you, when, when Alan and I leave this recording, alan goes and does something else and I go and do something else, and then we reconnect later and a bunch of stuff has happened but we weren't together for any of it and I have no idea what Alan is doing at 9 o'clock at night, no clue. I don't know that. The dog took a dump under the desk and Alan just found it three days later no clue.
Speaker 2:I had no idea.
Speaker 1:Three days later. Three hours later, because I don't know what's going on. So if Alan doesn't respond to me, there's two things I can do. I can assume he's busy, or I can assume he hates me, or I assume he doesn't want to talk to me, or I assume he's too busy for me, or whatever it is, or both or both it's very possible.
Speaker 2:There was.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I saw this somewhere. I don't remember where it was. It was and I don't know was it a study or not, I don't know, but it was something along the lines of relationships that succeed at the highest level are the relationships where you assume positively. So if I assume Alan's running a couple minutes behind he's doing something for the business, versus Alan's running a couple minutes behind he's probably taking a nap on his yoga mat again in his office or whatever One's really healthy.
Speaker 1:The other one is going to create resentment and it was something like if I forget to take out the trash and my wife thinks, oh, he must have just been lazy and didn't want to do it, versus oh, there was a bunch of other stuff, I'm sure he probably had his hands full and he couldn't take everything out. Which one's going to be a more successful relationship? Kind of the same thing with this oh, alan didn't. Matt didn't get back to me. Of course he didn't. Yeah, no, I'm sure he's probably super busy and it doesn't mean he doesn't care about me. I don't think there's many humans on the planet he cares more about than me. I think there's probably a handful, and vice versa. But it doesn't mean, some days you don't get caught up in it. Life happens, life happens fast, and sometimes you're just putting out fires.
Speaker 2:The clinical term is called personalization, personalization, and we all do it, myself included. We all do it. You can catch yourself doing it and go Okay, again, this is a metaphor, but okay, rebecca's probably busy, she'll get back to me when she can or she forgot and I can say hey, just friendly reminder. I love that friendly reminder with a smiley face, with a little up hand emoji favorite thing in the world. I do that all the time. Hey, friendly reminder, just in case you haven't seen it.
Speaker 1:I don't get that. You never send that to me. Say listen here you, son of a bitch. What are we doing Daily? I get it daily. Do you believe that the messages I wake up to you wouldn't believe it?
Speaker 2:Man, you need to be clear. That that's it is no it's not, it's, not, it's false uh I've never given you the friendly reminder with the hand up all the time.
Speaker 1:I hate it because I know you're seething deep within yourself I know that's not what you mean, maybe with me. You have to give me a, you have to give me a lot of friendly reminders though.
Speaker 2:Well, here's the other piece. Last piece, I know, I know we've got to go. We're business partners. Yes, we are. I have higher expectations for Kevin than I do for some random person I walk with on the street.
Speaker 1:Hey, how are?
Speaker 2:you, Joe, my neighbor in my condo complex. Hey Joe, do you mind double checking the number of NLPS clients for me?
Speaker 1:I'm going to need you to update your email signature, Joe. What are we doing here?
Speaker 2:This one's old up. It's wrong branding. What are we doing? I? I think that that's an episode we can do another time. I think that would be powerful is is the? The level of the relationship determines the, the responsibility and the expectations. I think that would be powerful, but I have higher expectations for kevin than I do for joe down the street I don't know a Joe, by the way, I'm making this up, but you're my business partner. We go out of business if you don't do your shit. So we are closer and we hold each other more accountable, and that's the value of having people in your corner that are responsible individuals.
Speaker 1:Doesn't having a business sound fun, sounds wonderful, doesn't it? I can't see why anybody wouldn't want to do this. All right, excuse me yeah, I was fired up about this, so I hope I didn't come off as again for me. I just want you to have cool, awesome, aligned relationships with awesome people that actually value you, and if they're thinking, oh, you know what, you took 12 hours. If I took 12 hours to text you back and that's too long, this ain't going to work. It's not going to work because I would never expect that from you.
Speaker 2:I would never expect that from you and it's an unwinnable game for you at this stage. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying. If I would expect it of you, then that would be me being a hypocrite. I would expect it of you, then that would be me being a hypocrite. I would not expect that of anybody. You got your own life. Get back to me when you can. It's not pressing, and if it is, you can say that yeah, If it's pressing I'll say hey, I know you're super busy. This is a high priority. I message in groups, I just message emergency. This is an emergency. This has to get solved ASAP.
Speaker 2:But that's very rare. I always say time sensitive. Hey, I pinged you, I emailed you, just so you know time sensitive.
Speaker 1:Something that is not at all time sensitive and I won't lie to you and say that it is is Next Level Nation. You can get in whenever. There's no expiration date. It's not going to cost any money ever. Three easy payments of free 99. If you're interested in joining a group of like-minded individuals, the link will be in the show notes. I just did a welcome post for a bunch of people that are new and there's a lot of wonderful conversations going on, so if you want to be a part of that, the link will be in the show notes. As always, we would love to have you.
Speaker 2:I just had a one-on-one free business breakthrough session with a woman who was in group coaching, with a woman who was in group coaching. It was awesome. It's my favorite thing ever. Join me. The link will be in the show notes. If you want to start a business, start, grow, scale, monetize a business. I don't care if you are at the very beginning and you just want to get started or you're already a multimillionaire trying to grow and scale. I do everything in between. I really hope that you reach out and book in the show notes.
Speaker 1:As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you At NLU. We don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Please reach out.
