Next Level University

Don’t Fall For Terrible Relationship Advice (1859)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 38:30

Uncover the secrets to sustaining a meaningful relationship beyond the superficial. In this episode, Kevin and Alan share what makes lasting love. It’s not about big moments but how you show up for each other every day, especially when things get complicated. They discuss how humility, courage, and openness with your partner are vital in building a solid bond. With real-life stories from coaching couples, they explain why personal growth is essential for both partners. To strengthen your relationship, tune in for simple, practical tips you can use today!

Ready to level up together? Join our Facebook group:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700

______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:22) Coaching couples: humility, courage, and vulnerability
(3:59) The personal development analogy in relationships
(5:36) The importance of mutual growth in relationships
(8:09) Significance and support in a partnership
(12:29) Misconceptions about sustaining relationships
(18:48) Growth and goals: why they matter in relationships
(20:06) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

It's not about the pictures, it's not about the dress or the tux or whatever, like those are all cool and those are all fun and they're memories and you'll remember them forever, but that doesn't matter. If the rest of the marriage is shit, it just doesn't matter.

Speaker 2

It's how we treat each other during the climb and during the hard times. That's going to matter and I think that that's the sign of a true relationship and, honestly, if you're, I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus.

Speaker 1

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Speaker 2

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Speaker 1

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success Self-improvement in your pocket every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,859, it is Freestyle Friday. We took Freestyle Friday out of the title because the platforms are looking for search engine optimization and Alan made me do it. I didn't want to do it, I was forced to do it, but I do think the new titles look crisp as I said, they do, they look good man, strong work, they look crisp, all right, freestyle Friday.

Speaker 1

I had a thought okay, it might be a little bit of a controversial take. I wanted to ask you a question. You can't use trust communication, that. What do you think makes a relationship work? You can't use those two.

Speaker 2

Okay, let me think. So two answers. The first first one is so I've been coaching intimate relationships for four years. We were just talking about that, which is wild to think about, because a lot of this. I anticipated that I did not.

Speaker 1

It's truly mind-blowing it's. It is to think that you've been doing that for more than half of the time that we've been doing this does not compute. How is that even possible?

Speaker 2

I know it doesn't make any sense we've had.

Speaker 2

I mean, we've coached dozens of couples. At this point it really is it compounds, it compounds. It was kind of running in the background and it's just we've, we've got a successful little business. Yeah, it's really cool. Yeah, it's it all compounds. But to answer your question and I'm saying this because I'm not just saying this, this is after hundreds of sessions with couples so cool that I can say that, uh, the first answer is humility, courage and vulnerability. I should have, I should have checked those right off. It's just that you can't say those either yeah okay, okay.

Speaker 2

so that's what I call the triad of transformation Humility, courage and vulnerability. And that's always my go-to, which is why Kev said don't say that.

Speaker 1

Yeah yeah.

The personal development analogy in relationships

Speaker 2

So that's my go-to, always will be. It's just the truth. Check in with your humility, courage and vulnerability. Check in with your partners humility, courage and vulnerability boom. Okay, that's number one. Uh, the other answer would be a metaphor I'm going to use. So we had anthony trucks come to our book club and we're reading a book called identity shift by anthony trucks. It's how to level up how you operate by leveling up who you are, something like that.

Speaker 2

I don't I think I butchered the tagline, but essentially in the book he talks about this metaphor, about computers, and I've talked about it on the show, but I like the iphone analogy. I've been talking about that a lot. It's like this is the iphone pro, pro 14 max, I think the 15s out or whatever, but this phone is infinitely more capable, exponentially more capable than the first iphone. That came out when you and I were seniors in high school, so when kevin and I were seniors in high school the 2007. The iphone came out when you and I were seniors in high school, so when Kevin and I were seniors in high school the 2007,. The iPhone came out that year and it was a revolutionary breakthrough and now it's hot garbage compared to this, this iPhone. And so the answer to your question is each person in the relationship has to become much more capable, and we've talked about it before the personal development set point. I'm Allen version 3.6 in November and Emilia is Emilia version 3.0. And I always say this, I've said it before, I'll say it again, I need to say it the Allen 3.0 could not have been with the Emilia 3.0, because the Emilia 3.0 was far more upgraded than Allen 3.0.

Speaker 2

Women tend to mature faster than men. They reflect more, they're more humble, I think statistically, and so she matured faster than I did, and so the 3.6, 36-year-old version of Alan fits perfectly with her as a peer. But if she was 36 and I was 30, she'd be my freaking mentor. She would not be a partner, she would not be a peer and Uh. So yeah, I would say that is, how capable are you Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and how capable is your partner physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually?

Speaker 2

And the more you each become in the me Is, the stronger that we will become, and that's the metaphor we use in our business. The business is called the we will become, and that's the metaphor we use in our business. The business is called the we and it's a pyramid where you have the two me's that make up the we and the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The whole should be greater than the sum of its parts. Math you and i's relationship. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. That's a great relationship, right? And I guess something right. Filler words bother me if it's not the whole. Everyone right now watching or listening to this think of a relationship that the whole was not greater than the sum of its parts. I've got several coming up same. Yeah, that was not a mutually beneficial win-win scenario, it was a win-lose and a win-l scenario. It was a win-lose and a win-lose eventually always becomes a lose-lose Strong work.

Significance and support in a partnership

Speaker 1

Okay, I, there was a podcast that I had gone on. I was getting ready to go on and I'm doing research trying to figure out what the show's about and all that happy jazz and my levels are jeffing. So I gotta hold down my mic to do the thing like I do. Hold down my mouse here, don't let that bother you. And I came across one of the guests and then I was watching their content and they are the relationship expert alpha male stereotype. And that's why I wanted to do an episode on relationships, because I think I don't know. It's really easy for somebody to say that they know how to operate in a relationship when you never get to hear from their partner. And again, I guess I could be lumped into that because Taryn's not jumping on the mics with me anytime soon. But how do I know that you really know what you're talking about? Based on the fact that most of what you say is very clickbaity and meant to be controversial, I was thinking if I could just say one word that makes relationships work, it would be significance. You do so. You, as a partner, are focused on making sure that your partner feels significant in the ways that make them feel significant, and vice versa, as long as it's healthy and as long as it's constructive and as long as it's sustainable. And vice versa, as long as it's healthy and as long as it's constructive and as long as it's sustainable.

Speaker 1

Because what a lot of people say is it's not. There are some people out there that would say me going out of my way to make Taryn feel good when she's not feeling good is not a good thing. In what world is that not a good thing? Now, is there too much alleviation of pressure? Sure? Does that mean I should do everything for my partner and they should never experience life? No, I'm not. I'm not saying that. But in what world is it not commendable, even if we were using our business relationship for me to say, alan's having a really bad day, I'm gonna go above and beyond to make sure alan his day gets a little bit easier.

Speaker 1

And I just think there's stuff out there that says that's bad, and there's stuff out there that says that makes you weak as a partner. And I just think there's so much garbage in content out there right now, and I think the reason is a lot of people are trying to be different than everybody else. So if I say I said something the other day on a podcast, I said I know this isn't sexy and I know this isn't going to make us go viral when I give this advice, but it's do the smallest thing humanly possible. That's the advice I'd give anybody. Do the next smallest thing humanly possible to build belief. It's really hard to build a brand on that, that message. But yeah, I've just been thinking a lot about relationships and how much terrible advice there is out there.

Speaker 2

Get me fired up one of the things that came up, and definitely your audio is doing something, but I also know my internet isn't great. We're out here doing it, uh, and I think the, the production team is so good. They they're going to make it awesome, so I feel good about that. That said, one thing that came up for me was Next Level University. I was talking to one of the team members earlier Amy shout out to Amy.

Speaker 2

And we have so many frameworks and we've built so many different, even the humility, courage, vulnerability, triad of transformation. We have so much. We understand human beings, we understand ourselves. We've got so many cool self-belief, self-worth, so many cool frameworks to understand people, different types of people, and I was thinking about this earlier today or yesterday the hundred dollar habit thing.

Speaker 2

The hundred dollar habit is a sexy, cool thing that we should be saying more. Because the short origin story of the $100 habit is Kev wasn't going to the gym. He gave Taryn, his wife, a $100 bill and said rip this up in front of me if I don't go to the gym this week and it worked so well. He went to the gym seven days in a row and then decided to can that commitment device that's called a commitment device and the hundred dollar habit, I think, is a sexy thing that could go viral. Habit tracking isn't sexy. The hundred dollar habit idea is sexy and so how can you and I start coupling something sexy that's really been something we've done and actually used that does work with the fact that we have habit track. The hundred dollar habit kind of reminds me of the five second rule kind of thing.

Speaker 2

It's it's a similar sort of, and that's okay. I don't think that's a bad thing. I think it's a good bridge between sexy and unsexy.

Speaker 1

Yeah yeah, I don't think it's. I don't think it's a bad thing. I just I don't know. There's just so many.

Misconceptions about sustaining relationships

Speaker 1

I wish I had a really good example of something that was said, because this freaking audio just for the, for the audience, this is what I'm doing. I'm I have to. On my slider where it says recording level, I have to hold it at the same level the whole time. I can't move my hand. Ertl, jeff, I wish I had a good example of what the person said, but it was just. There was just red flags. And again, am I a relationship expert? I don't know. No, I don't think so. I have a really good relationship and my partner and I both take a lot of ownership for our stuff and we're always working on getting better and we have really vulnerable conversations and all of that stuff. We try to make sure we're meeting each other's needs. We do our best to never, ever, ever, blame the other person for stuff that's going on in our own lives. I think all of those things are high percentage attributes of a successful relationship?

Speaker 1

definitely, but I would never consider myself a relationship expert, but I just think there's a lot of garbage stuff out there. What do you, what did you used to think about relationships that you now know was completely false, based on your experience like 18 year old?

Speaker 2

alan, 18 year old.

Speaker 1

Alan didn't know anything well, think about it with with all the love in the world to anybody out there. If you haven't done work on yourself and if you haven't learned more about relationships, you might not be matured from the 18 year old version of yourself in terms of relationships yeah maybe 25 is more realistic if you're later in life.

Speaker 2

18s we're pretty ignorant 18, but well okay, let's give the 18 thing that I believed Mindset, whatever, awareness and then I'll give 25 and then I'll give 35. Let's do it, alright, so 18. 18, I think I thought. I don't know if I thought a ton about it. It wasn't a huge focus. I remember. I don't know if I thought a ton about it, it wasn't a huge focus.

Speaker 2

I remember even just the prospect of being in a relationship with an attractive woman was a big deal for me. I was not sought after Emilia and I joke she was hot in high school. I was not, and so I would say I didn't have any freaking clue, other than I think. And then the other thing too. I want to share this and again, this isn't about me, this is about the listener but I didn't have any any good modeling. My mom and stepdad didn't get along at freaking all, and I mean that's a freaking hilarity to even say that it's the most polite way I could possibly put it and they didn't surround themselves with anyone who had a great relationship. Marriage skill scared the hell out of me, because I saw most of the people I saw you don't even like each other, never mind love each other. Yeah, holy crap. So I told myself I don't know if I even want to get married. That kind of thing, same same but.

Speaker 2

I always wanted to be a father. So that was hard for me because it's well, if I want to be a father, then I'm going to need to figure this relationship thing out, and I always did want that. I really did, yeah, deep down, even if I didn't admit it when I was playing the I'm too cool for school. And then 25, it was was beginning to be about growth. It was we are a partner and we're on a team to achieve our dreams together. And then in my 30, like 35, it's, it's full, it's entirely about the.

Speaker 2

An intimate relationship is about growth and if it's not, you're kind of in trouble. In a way it's. And I'm not even I'm not trying to be unkind, I'm not trying to be a self-righteous you are in trouble If you're not improving. You just, you just are, because the relationship can improve unless the people in the relationship can't improve. Unless the people in the relationship improve, that's like an iPhone that doesn't get better. It's like a house that doesn't get renovated.

Speaker 2

I mean, if you, emilia's dad bought a car that was from way back and I don't think you'd mind me sharing this he had, his grandparents had a specific car that he he always loved when he was a kid and he bought it and it's. It's an antique, it's in from the 80s I think it's like 1986 and you get in this freaking thing and it's pretty cool in in a way. And again, I'm not a big car guy, but I get it. And it was the same as my grandparents car too. I they had one similar so it took me—I was like, oh my goodness, last time I was in a car like this, I was a freaking child headed to Foxwoods with my grandparents. This is wild, but the car is a real piece of shit, to be completely honest, compared to the cars now, because technology has gotten so much better. Everything has improved. You know those—back in the 80s everybody smoked Not everybody, but a large percentage of population. You remember those things that you push and they get all red and hot.

Speaker 2

yeah, yeah, and you, you can light one up kev, light up a clove, like back in our day well, those are still in it and on every there's ashtrays on every part of the car and I just remember thinking this this car at it was one of the best cars at the time. This is a luxury freaking vehicle at the time. This car is hot garbage. Compared to my car, it's not even close, but that's my point is is that's a metaphor for relationships, where, if you don't have a relationship that's about growth, you're, no matter what, going to have a really hard time having a great life, unless you're both stagnant. Go ahead.

Speaker 1

I was going to say, especially if one of you is into growth and the other one isn't, because you're going to be dragging the other person all the time.

Speaker 2

Yeah, and I've been there Same. I've been on both sides.

Speaker 1

I've been on both sides. I've been on both sides, so I understand.

Growth and goals: why they matter in relationships

Speaker 2

Well, I think maybe you should talk about that, because when you have goals and dreams, you have to grow. You don't really have a choice. You can't just achieve stuff without growing. Yeah, even back when I was more goal-oriented than character-driven, you don't really have a choice. You can't just achieve stuff without growing. Even back when I was more goal-oriented than character-driven, I still had to grow and get smarter to achieve those things. When I rose in corporate and engineer and product manager also, I mean, I still needed to rise to the occasion. It's not like I could just hang out, but I didn't grow myself as well as I would have liked. It was more improvement, external rather than internal improvement but even then it was still about growth. And so I've always been so goal and dream oriented that I think in hindsight it's very clear that the people who don't have goals and dreams that are very clear that we're going to talk about in the next episode, they don't really have the necessity to grow and and improve and change and innovate and and so of course you're going to kind of grow apart.

Speaker 2

In that case, goals and dreams are usually the catalyst for growth. No one just grows just to grow, usually yeah. So, for example, taryn. When I first met her, I could tell her dream was to have the best relationship possible. That dream is what catalyzes most of her growth, from my current understanding. And if that dream goes, there goes the growth. Everything else goes too. Yeah, so I don't think people understand the downside of aiming low.

Speaker 2

But there's three types of relationships. I'll go really quick with it. The first one is two people that are neither one of them is growing. The second one is both partners are growing, and it's a challenge, but they're flourishing and fulfilled. And the third one is one partner is growing and the other isn't, and those are the ones that we coach typically. Those are the people where the the more-oriented partner usually brings the other person in because they feel like they need help. They need help and sometimes they're humble and they take it in. And sometimes they say F this dude, I'm out. Who is this guy? Right?

Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:

Speaker 2

So yeah, but I would ask you, because you've been on both ends of it. I've never been on the less growth oriented end and I know that sounds freaking arrogant, but it is the truth. I have definitely been there. Hello, hello, hello. Nlu listener, thank you, as always, for listening to next level university real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the next level dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes.

Speaker 1

The thing that I used to think was once you acquired a relationship, that was it. You just have to get into a relationship. It's like a portal.

Speaker 2

You just the way you think about finance is the same as the way you think about relationships. Oh, I figured we would just arrive.

Speaker 1

I think it was like that for everything, maybe except for fitness, because I had a lot of experience fitness, I don't know. You watch a movie and they jump in a portal and then they go from one place to another. Nobody knows what happens in the portal.

Speaker 1

That's kind of how relationships are, it's like you just get in and then you're successful at a relationship. No, no, no. I told Taryn this the other day. We were having a deep talk about something and we were thinking about another couple that we know, I think, and I said they're in trouble. They're in trouble, I can feel it in trouble. They're in trouble, I can love it. Talk to me. Well, let me, let me break down, we'll go back. We'll go back. And I said, babe, I didn't care about getting married. And she, like, gave me the eyes. She's like what do you mean? I said, well, no, no, I don't mean it like that.

Speaker 1

To me, the day after getting married was more important than the day of getting married, exactly because it's it's forever. It's not about the day. For me it nothing really is. It's not about yeah. When I said I was going to treat you better than anybody else, I didn't mean on that day, I meant every day, every day, forever. That's my job, that's my goal, that's what I aspire to. I don't. It's not because we got married, it has nothing to do with it. It's because you're my person. I'm going to treat you as well as I possibly can. But I think other people it's some other people, not other people, I don't mean everybody. You put a ring on it and then you're done. Just goal accomplished and then you're done. That's not how it works. That's not how anything works. I'm convinced one of the this is one of those misconceptions, and this is something I'll be saying a lot more. I am convinced one of the most common misconceptions is achieving the goal is harder than sustaining the goal. I don't believe that.

Speaker 2

I don't believe that.

Speaker 1

Because if that was the case when you lost 10 pounds, you'd never gain it back. When you made the money you wanted to make, you'd never lose the money. It just wouldn't happen when you attracted your dream partner.

Speaker 1

You'd never lose the money. It just wouldn't happen when you attracted your dream partner. You'd sustain it. Just I don't think that's, I don't think any of that is real. How do I know you can tell? You can tell when one person's not invested and they're not willing. They're not willing to remove their ego enough to improve the relationship. They don't think they should have to change yeah, that when you don't. How arrogant is that it's? It makes no sense.

Speaker 1

That's like going to your boss being like no well but when you get a job, you know how to keep the job. So, so, even that, I don't think. I just think there's a lot of people out there that think, well, you signed up to be with me and we signed up to be together and I thought that was it. I thought we were done. I thought once we did this together, we were, we were done. But it's not. I think that's a heavy realization. It can be a very, very heavy realization. I don't.

Speaker 1

For me, I don't think marriage changed anything. I don't feel any different being married than I mean. Maybe I feel more on a team, but I knew I was going to marry Taryn. When I reached out to her, I didn't. I wasn't talking to her to talk to her, I was talking to her to marry her. That's what this was. That was the whole goal of this. But it's a heavy realization that you're living life with someone and life inevitably has its ups and downs and challenges and triggers and those moments where you think, how the hell are we going to get through this? And then you sit with your partner and you figure it out, or just external stuff. Work is super hard, this is super hard, but that's what marriage is about.

Speaker 2

Marriage is about how you treat each other during the storm. 100%, it's not about the wedding. How do you treat each other through the hard?

Speaker 1

Yeah, exactly it's not about the pictures, it's not about the dress or the tux or whatever. Those are all cool and those are all fun and they're memories and you'll remember them forever. But that doesn't matter. If the rest of the marriage is shit, it just doesn't, it doesn't matter. So that's my, that's my takeaway. Uh sorry, my apologies if I was off on this episode. My lights freaking out, I can't move my hand, I can't really move my body because the whole there's a lot going on in studio day kev right now. So my apologies if I was off in this episode, but I am honestly quadruple multitasking and I have to look at the camera to make sure the levels are right.

Speaker 2

this whole thing quadra tasking too much. I think you killed it. I appreciate it. You're welcome.

Speaker 2

Yeah, so I I told emilia what matters is how meaningful our day-to-day relationship is. What matters is how well we stay on a team, how well we protect each other's heart and how much we help each other shine. I want to amplify who you are, not suppress it. And I made her two promises when I first asked her to be with me. I said I promise you I will always help you shine as bright as humanly possible, and I've always kept that one. And and I said I'd always protect your heart.

Speaker 2

And there was one freaking time when I didn't and uh, I was. Uh, my mom and my sister were getting into each other and fighting and I was. I was more focused on them than Emilia, which I regret. To be honest, I should have been more focused on Emilia and I'll never make that freaking mistake again. However, the point that I'm making is a lot of the people that I saw getting married. I've said this before and I want to share it here because I want to be courageous.

Speaker 2

I sat Emilia down one time and I said you know what's interesting, the two people who I think are the most ready for marriage are the ones that are rational enough to wait. And Emilia and I, we are intending we're already talking about it, we're already talking about all of it, and I'm a hopeless romantic so I'm going to surprise her. But we're talking about engagement, we're talking about marriage. We're talking about children. We're talking about how we want to parent, we're talking about how many children. We're talking about where we want to live.

Speaker 2

We're talking about homeschool versus public school. We're already preparing, we visioneer we, we engineer our future. We already have, we have it all mapped out. Now it's going to change, it's going to adapt, it's going to evolve as we do. But you're a team, you're on a team, and if it's about growth and maximizing the good in this world and I tell her this all the time, I say I don't want to be at the top of this mountain, not in love it's how we treat each other during the climb and during the hard times that's going to matter, and I think that that's the sign of a true relationship and, honestly, if you're not humble in your relationship, your relationship will burn to the ground.

Speaker 1

That I'm going to say yeah, it's dangerous, it's dangerous game.

Speaker 2

You said one thing oh yeah, sorry, exactly, it's bigger than you. It has to be bigger than you. And, uh, the one thing I wanted to share I I don't know if I yeah, I know you, kev, you'd be fine with me sharing this. I know why you'll win. When you said this, it really was fascinating and I'm I literally study intimate relationships. I've been coaching people, you can tell, and you. My job is to find the root causes of the bugs in the garden and smash them before they take the garden. That's my freaking job. It's what I do, emilia, better than me. When you said, I wouldn't even blame Taryn if she left me. This is, this entrepreneurial journey is brutal. I said in my head. That's why, that's why he'll win. I said in my head, that's why that's why he'll win.

Speaker 1

That's why, Well, I want what's best for Again. If there's somebody out there that would treat her better than I, then how would I ever get mad about?

Speaker 2

that it's the lack of entitlement. That's what that tells me. The irony, the paradox I know the women listening out there will really resonate with this the fact that you wouldn't blame her if she left you because of how hard this is the entrepreneurial journey, being a business owner, all stuff and the fact that you work six days, a freaking week every week. That shows that you're not entitled to her, you don't have an ownership. A lot of people, men in particular, statistically speaking, they feel like they own their partner. It's well, you're my partner, it's not about you. They're still their own human being and you suppress them and they have to walk on eggshells. And it's, it's an entitlement. It's like a spoiled brat syndrome and it's so obvious that you don't have that. And because you don't have that that's the paradox I doubt taryn would ever want to leave you because she's gonna end up with some entitled dude, I sure hope not, I sure hope not.

Speaker 1

And again it to me it's just a, it's just a fact of I want what's best, I want what's best and I do believe I'm the best for her yeah, and if that ever changed, then that would would be a serious conversation.

Speaker 1

Alan and I were talking about this. Alan said dude, I wouldn't blame you if you left, if you like. Woke up one day and said dude, I don't know if I want to do this business thing anymore. I think that's a mark of a really good relationship, because you're not thinking just about you, I'm not thinking just about me. Now, would I be devastated? Of course, jeez, of course I would. That would be the worst thing ever of all time. I'm not saying it would be like ah, cool, now, um, now I'm the wolf.

Speaker 2

No, I actually think you'd regret it, but I still wouldn't blame you. That's the weird duality of the whole thing, you know, of course.

Speaker 1

Well, I'm saying both. I would regret Both. I think both of those would be devastating. Leaving NLU or my marriage not working out, both of those would be very devastating.

Speaker 2

But that's exactly what maturity is. It's you're not. That's exactly why you'll earn them Instead of it's that paradox of I'm holding on and I'm earning my keep in this business, and in this relationship.

Speaker 1

I don't want to get handed anything. I don't want to ride coattails. I don't want it just because I have it. I don't think any of that is. I don't want that In the real world, having something isn't enough.

Speaker 1

Having it is Having it, or I don't want to say even having it. Being a part of something is wonderful, but you have to earn your keep. You have to, and earning your keep means something different. In everything right In a relationship, it's maybe, it's this, and growing and evolving and working on your weaknesses and this, this, this, this, this and in business, or whatever, whatever, it's something else, but nobody really gets to ride for free. You got to put in something. You got to put in more than you're getting out. If you don't, that's another way a relationship is going to fail 100 business, intimate relationship, friendship, that's the mentality.

Speaker 1

Very last thing please, because my hand is going numb actually I said very last thing six times.

Speaker 2

That's when you know I love the topic, the lack of entitlement, the earning it mentality. People say, well, I'm so grateful for my partner. Show me that. I don't want to hear it, I want to see it the effort, the time, the working on yourself. We say gratitudes three times a night, every freaking night, and if we miss we do them the next day and we haven't missed for freaking years. But I show her how much I am grateful for her, not just write it in my journal. And the moment that she stops feeling appreciated and valued is the moment she should start questioning it.

Speaker 2

That's the truth if I'm taking her for granted and I'm sloughing off and I'm getting wasted at the bar and I'm sloughing off yeah, what does that look like?

Speaker 1

uh?

Speaker 2

being lazy and entitled yeah sloughing off that Emilia could be with any man in the world, and I know that and and I know I'm the best choice, but I'm earning that every day. I'm not just saying it, it's not by default.

Speaker 1

It's not just because you're not?

Speaker 2

yeah, cause I'm the man. I'm Alan Lazarus. Did you know? Yeah, you are did you know that, that I was Alan Lazarus.

Speaker 1

But it doesn't mean you can be a dingo, you've got to be a good heart-driven, morally-driven man, Ethically-driven man. Got to Cool. You never know where Freestyle Friday is going to go. That's the beauty of Freestyle Friday. This would be my question, this would be my wrap-up and again, please do not villainize me for this. Please, please, please.

Speaker 1

If you're going to make sure it's Kevin. Make sure it's Alan, because Alan gave me the idea he didn't, but we'll pretend he did. Would you want somebody that you care about deeply to date someone like you're dating? That's one question I usually say. If you have children, would you want your children to date someone like your partner? Would you be excited for them? Slash? Would you want someone that you care about deeply, taking yourself out of it, to date someone like you? So would I want Matt to date someone like Taryn? Absolutely Zero questions asked. Would I want Matt to date someone like me? Absolutely Zero questions asked. I think that's a really good question. Weird, because you're dating. You might be dating your best friend, or one of your best friends might be dating your partner in this analogy. Strange, but that's not what it's about Alan would. If Alan was with Taryn, I'd be over the moon.

Speaker 2

I'd kill him for sure. I'd track you down and kill you, I guarantee.

Speaker 1

But the team is gonna reach out laughing hysterically about that but, but I, I would be, I would be over the moon. That's like, yeah, you're, you're with a good person and would, would taryn be wonderful to you? Absolutely a thousand percent. Yeah, she, she'd probably think you're crazy because you work as much as you do. You work more than I do, but I think that's a good, a good wrap-up how would you wrap up, sir?

Speaker 2

before we get out of here, uh check in on the growth trajectory of you and your partner and I don't mean growth in career, I mean growth in your own personal development.

he importance of inner work for relationship success

Speaker 2

Personal development is personal and your own inner personal development it's. It's one thing to achieve, but it's another to work on yourself and, honestly, achievement you can do without getting better. I've, I've done it. Yep, you have to get better in certain things. So I don't want to contradict what I said earlier, but you don't have to put it this way. If you work on yourself and your personal development, that's going to make your marriage or your relationship way better than you achieving more goals. So you've got to do the inner work is what I'm saying. Yeah, do the inner work. All right Next, ele. So you've got to do the inner work. Is what I'm saying. Yeah, do the inner work.

Speaker 1

All right. Next 11 Nation. If you are interested in doing more of the inner work, we have a private Facebook group where we have questions. Amy asks questions almost every day. There's a lot of really good questions in there. Some of them are very deep, Other ones are not as deep and they're easier to answer, but I think it's a great place to start. Also, if you are a podcaster, I just started Podcast Growth Nation- Just got my invite.

Speaker 1

Yeah, it's exclusive, exclusive. I'm going to be very, very picky as to who's in this group because I want everybody to feel safe. I don't want people promoting their shit all the time. That's not what this is about. I want a facebook group for podcasters. That I needed when I started and that is my kind of the mission statement for that so I don't even get an invite, so this is pretty.

Speaker 2

I completely forgot about you I invited 50 people and it's weird of the company he doesn't even get an invite the first name on on there alphabetically close to the first name.

Speaker 1

But I know you got enough stuff going on.

Speaker 2

That's the last thing you need is to be in another Facebook group.

Speaker 1

No, I actually do want to be in there. Well, we'll see. I'm grateful. We'll see, if I allow you. I'll be sure to promote book club in there. For that you better not promote book club in there.

Speaker 1

Nothing against book club, but we'll have the link in the show notes. Actually, for now, just reach out to me and then let me get it up and running, and then I'll put the link in the show notes, because I have to make sure that I have the approval. Where I can just reach out to me for now Sounds good. Things are going swimmingly over here, yeah for sure. You see my light flickering here. Yes, I do.

Speaker 2

Yes, now it's not gonna flicker, it's freaking, we're a mess and hey, we're out here leading by example. Take messy action everyone always all right grow yourself, grow your podcast, grow your business. If you want help with metrics, strategy, habits and identity work, reach out free breakthrough session 30 minutes in the show notes. I'm not going to sell you anything, I'm just going to add as much value as humanly possible in those 30 minutes. I promise you we will break something loose and change the trajectory of your life forever strong work as always hyperbole, but it's not sorry, sounds like hyperbole.

Speaker 1

As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. And hell, you is not a fan. We have family. We will talk to you all.

Speaker 2

Hyperbole I wouldn't blame you if you don't reach out.

Speaker 1

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Speaker 2

We mean it when we say family, if you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Speaker 1

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host