Next Level University

What You Think You Are Is More Important Than What You REALLY Are (1861)

Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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0:00 | 28:29

Do you sometimes feel like you’re not good enough to achieve your dreams? In this episode, Kevin and Alan discuss the power of self-belief and its impact on personal success. Kevin profoundly reflects on his journey from feeling insignificant to embracing his worth, touching on how low self-esteem held him back. They explore how self-perception, humility, and hard work are crucial in overcoming limiting beliefs and unlocking one’s potential. Listeners will find value in understanding the importance of accurate self-assessment and its effect on achieving success in all areas of life, not just in fitness.

Links mentioned:
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Free 30-Minute Podcast Breakthrough Call with Kevin - https://bit.ly/3E0ieM0
Free-30 Minute Business Breakthrough Call with Alan: https://bit.ly/4f3MSUz

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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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Show notes:
(2:35) Kevin reflects on his past feelings of insignificance
(4:11) The role of self-sabotage in limiting success
(6:05) Humility and its connection to self-belief and growth
(12:33) Kevin’s journey of fitness and how it shape

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🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Like Kevin's more than he thought he was. Does that mean he's going to stop trying to get better than he is? But I'm very that's my honest take. I'm essentially better at everything other than fitness than I thought I'd be Pretty much.

Speaker 2

People with higher self-belief, subconsciously and unconsciously, the real self-belief. They are always benchmarking against a future potential. They're benchmarking against their own potential.

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and.

Speaker 2

I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus, at.

Speaker 1

NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. Our goal with every episode is to help you level relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Speaker 2

Welcome to.

Speaker 1

Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,861, one of my favorite quotes what you think you are is more important than what you really are. I had a night last week or the week before, where I don't know if it was a Friday night, where I don't know if it was a Friday night but Taryn was out. I had myself a little gummy edible and I just went down the rabbit hole of Kevin Palmieri's past.

Speaker 1

I was watching old YouTube videos. I was watching my old boxing videos, where I used to go to the gym and crunch in Worcester and box and record it. I was looking at old songs. I was looking at old Facebook posts. I went down the rabbit hole and I had this very, very humbling, surreal moment where I thought about how much of a loser I felt like for most of my life and how I assumed I was always going to be insignificant. I would never amount to anything, is going to be insignificant, I would never amount to anything, and all of the charity that I got from other people would just continue forever.

Speaker 1

One of the interesting things about growing up in an unnormal family not having a dad, I guess, is the best way to put it for me specifically, obviously is a lot of my family, friends, or a lot of my friends' families, would try to bring me in and we they'd try to take me on vacation. I'd go over there for dinners, I'd sleep over their houses. It was like they. They wanted me to get a sense of normalcy and I'm grateful for that. But I always felt like the F up. I always felt like the kid who was never going to make it. I also felt like everybody else also thought that, and every time I did something relatively positive, it was like a pleasant surprise. I remember having conversations with my two best friends when I was like 15. And we determined if any of us were going to end up in jail, it was going to be me and it. One of them actually did end up in jail, unfortunately, so it wasn't me. Looking back, okay, that makes sense.

Speaker 1

That was my identity for almost my entire life, until I got that job where I started making a lot of money. My identity was I am a loser. My identity was I am a loser, I am incapable of anything good and I am screwed and, unless something majorly lucky happens, I am going to be like this forever. And I believe what I had was I had a self-fulfilling prophecy of low self-belief. I just assumed I was a loser. I'd never get any opportunities Any opportunities I ever got. I self-sabotaged because I didn't think I was deserving of them or capable of cashing in on them.

Speaker 1

But it was just a weird moment, alan, where I was looking at the TV, thinking back and putting myself in that position, and I just used to feel like such a loser. I used to feel like such a loser. I used to feel like such a loser. I used to get drunk at the town park Remember the town park, mm-hmm, 16 years old. 17 years old, yeah, the puddle, and I would run away from my friends because I wanted somebody to chase me. That was it. I just wanted somebody to come after me. It's like, hey, man, don't run away. We love you, we care about you. That's all I wanted. I just wanted somebody to follow me. I wanted somebody to chase me and I just, yeah, I don't know. All the feels came up the other night when I was watching old content Because, again, it's very weird to be here.

Humility and its connection to self-belief and growth

Speaker 1

It's very strange for me to be here. I don't really understand what it all means. In the grand scheme of things, I'm in the groomsmen chat Matt's getting married next year and I'm so intrigued when we go to the bachelor party, what people are going to think when I say like, oh yeah, no, I'm a podcaster, what's going to happen? I'm going to say, like, what do you mean? I'm just. How did that happen? Some of these people I knew from the past. I don't know, I'm in a weird space, but that's kind of the tone of today's episode is, if you're somebody who thinks you're not going to make it, you're probably not going to make it, and that where this trap of low self-belief and low self-worth gets people. If you don't believe you're capable of it, you're almost not. Unfortunately, even if you are, even if you're hyper-capable, there are people who have accomplished far more with far less than I have, and I think one of the reasons is they ultimately believe that they could. So that's today's episode in a nutshell. Reasons is they ultimately believe that they could.

Speaker 2

So that's today's episode in a nutshell. Earlier I was on an episode with, actually, one of Kevin's clients Podcaster, and she was interviewing me and she said how do you climb out of painful holes, dark holes? And I said it comes down to. I would bet on this person, someone who has high self-belief, high humility and high work ethic. If you have those three things and I said and the problem is those first two are rare coming together it's rare to have high self-belief and high humility. I think I struggle with humility for sure, and now that I have it much more than I used to, I actually feel so much more capable. So it's actually building my self-belief in a weird way.

Speaker 1

What would you define humility for you as? Because I think you're, I don't know. Yeah, what would you define humility as now and then? How do you view it for you? Weird question.

Speaker 2

An accurate understanding of one's own current and future capabilities. It's accurate thinking. I think about self. So humility is I know that I can do it and I know that I can't do it alone. It's I know it's possible and I know that I need a team. That's awesome and it's I know that I am capable of it and I know I can't miss a freaking trick. It's that, it's I, I.

Speaker 2

Earlier today I was downstairs and I was sitting there thinking to myself get your ass upstairs. You, you need to get upstairs and get get focused. What are we doing? It's nice out, I don't care you. It's not humble to own a business and to be lackadaisical. That's how you go out of business. And I'm not saying this to beat myself up. I'm telling you this is how people go out of business. They're very lackadaisical. And now you don't have to be like me and say get your ass upstairs. But you can't just hang out on a Friday and not work and then still grow and scale a global business. Humility is that. That took humility. I had to humble myself and go Alan, you can't hang out. What are we doing here? Get back to your glass balls, like we talked about on the. And if anyone didn't hear that episode, it's probably glass balls. What are we doing here?

Speaker 1

Don't worry about it. Yeah, don't worry about it. Yeah, don't worry about it.

Speaker 2

So that's humility. But for you, self-belief, humility and work ethic you were missing the self-belief. Those three, those three are critical to success, Critical. I don't even know if you can be successful without those three, honestly, yeah it's so hard to get proof without self-belief.

Speaker 1

You know why I had this moment too. Do you know why I put so much emphasis on my body for most of my life? Okay, let's see the alignment of this. Let's see the alignment of this. Okay. First ever girlfriend I had. First ever serious girlfriend I had. We were really good friends for a long time and then we ended up dating. One of the reasons was I was jacked, 100% Guaranteed.

Speaker 2

Didn't she say it? She literally said it. No, that was a different one.

Speaker 1

We're going to get there though. So that was that, okay, cool. After that I had a spell of being single. For a while I was. I used to run the town loop in uxbridge and somehow, through the grapevine, I found out that some girl saw me run by and was interested in me. But I ran by shirtless. She didn't talk to me. She wasn't interested in my personality, so reached out to her. We hung out a couple times. Nothing serious ever happened. It was always that there was another girl, when I was younger, in between those two. No, no, this was earlier. Yeah, yeah, this was earlier, sorry, where she was choosing between me and one of my friends, and I was in better shape, so she chose me Did you talk about, and then said that, and then said that, and then said that, actually said that.

Speaker 1

yeah, she said that to me and in my mind I was like cool and what that was? One of the most beautiful girls in the entire town. It worked. That was my, that was my thing. It worked cool. Yeah, this under armor worked. This under armor tank top worked.

Speaker 2

Because I was in, really I was in really good shape, that very strong depth of thinking right and again I'm this.

Speaker 1

I'm not saying again, all things considered, I'd rather be in good shape than not good shape. I'm not saying that. I'm not trying to make this. Woe is me.

Speaker 1

Yeah, you know there was a lot of benefits that came with that, but of course I thought I didn't have anything else to bring to the table. Of course, look at all the proof you've got to follow. I'm not saying you should follow the proof, but when you follow the proof it makes really good sense as to why we end up in the places that we end up. That is the way that I got significance. That is the way that I got attention. That is the one thing that I had that nobody around me had, not to the degree I did. It makes sense to me why somebody who has a lot of money flaunts their money and they always flaunt their money and they always flaunt their money and then their personality becomes their money Makes sense. It makes sense Because you go where the proof is and when you don't have self-belief, you have to go where the proof is.

Speaker 1

For me, most of my life, the to go where the proof is. For me, most of my life, the proof was luck. I got lucky. I'm in really good shape and I got lucky. Those were the two, those were the two things, and you know how many times I used to get I used to get commented on my body all the time and just an incredible amount of compliments and or direction of conversation, delivering stuff to a construction site. People will be like Jesus man, you're jacked. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. That's what I think is my value. That's all I have to offer. I'm just in good shape, cool that, and I think that's one of the reasons I felt like I felt like I was the guy in the sitcom who was jacked and dumb. That's who I felt like. I was the guy in the sitcom who was jacked and dumb. That's who I felt like I was for most of my life.

Speaker 2

And you continued to watch sitcoms, you continued to watch comedy movies all the time.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

And you were really funny and you stayed jacked. We do we try to stay in alignment with our identity. Here's the truth. We do we try to stay in alignment with our identity.

Speaker 1

Here's the truth. I do care what I look like to a drastic extent. I have standards and when I get outside of standards I fix it and I course correct. But I don't know if I aspire. I don't aspire, I don't. I don't aspire ever to get to the place where I just say I don't care what I look like, I love myself no matter what I do, love myself and I would love myself, but I wouldn't love the amount of attention and effort I was putting on my physical body. If I love it, let me prove it by testing it daily and let me prove it by upkeeping it, and let me prove it by maintaining it, and let me prove it by living longer. Let me prove it. Let me prove it. But that's because that's always been my ticket.

Speaker 1

There was two kids in high school that I was terrified of and we were having a conversation. I was friends with them. I was buddies with them, but I was like you guys are badasses, you are the two baddest dudes in the school. And they were like dude, we would never fight you Like you guys would kick my ass, both of you. I wouldn't even it wouldn't. I'm afraid of you. I am genuinely afraid of you, but I was in really good shape and I trained martial arts.

Speaker 2

So everybody thought I was a badass. So that that's. It is weird to me because I actually used to think you were a badass too, and I still do, just not in the same way. Well, because I'm not.

Speaker 1

Really how interesting is that, or maybe I'm more of a badass? You definitely are, I don't know. Try me and find out, son, you know what I mean. Try me and find out In the real world you really are.

Speaker 2

Yeah, way more.

Speaker 1

I think I'm more well-rounded.

Speaker 2

You now would versus the other Kevin. It wouldn't even be close, brother.

Speaker 1

That other Kevin would crack like a walnut or a full guy's origami, full to the pressure In terms of well-roundedness. Yeah, but I didn't care about that. No, but in all things.

Speaker 2

Well-rounded, yeah, well-rounded. Yeah, so that Kevin would beat you in the gym and beat you in what?

Speaker 1

a fight. No, I'd beat him in a fight because I know more, but he might beat me in the gym. I was very, very strong back then. I don't know why it just was I was very strong. I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't do a lick of mobility, so it wasn't sustainable, but there was a lot of strength. And when high school, testosterone is something different when you're 17.

Speaker 2

Yeah, you know, I wouldn't know, I didn't have any testosterone.

Speaker 1

I know You're just getting mine now. I'm just getting mine now, which is good.

Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:

Speaker 2

Yeah, it is. Hello, hello, hello, nlu listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to Next Level University. Real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. In and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner.

Speaker 2

This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes.

Speaker 2

There's so many places we can go with this and I hope everyone's thinking about their childhood and their identity. Most importantly, yeah, high school and, let's just say this, teenage years. Kevin and I gave a speech once to middle schoolers, sophomores and freshmen, which is lower high school and then upper high school, juniors and seniors, and the development of the ego was wild to me. It was fascinating. Same speech, same room, same you and me. If anything, we performed better, but it got worse, and the reason why is the self-improvement was less cool as you got older and older. The middle schoolers were very open-minded, the freshman and sophomores were a little less, and then the juniors and seniors might as well have been making fun of us and Kev's like I would have too.

Speaker 2

I can't even imagine that. By the way. I know I don't want to go down that rabbit hole, but you and I are in good shape. We're adult men, grown-ass men. We showed up correct. I would have been inspired by us. I'm serious, I really would have, but I would have been. Maybe that's because I was such a loser. You were a try hard.

Speaker 1

I think you were a try hard, but not really in retrospect. It's likehard. I think you were a try-hard, but not really In retrospect. It's like you did exactly what you were supposed to do.

Speaker 2

You know it's such a weird thing too, because I was talking about the straight A's thing and, yeah, I did what I had to do to get straight A's, but I didn't try that hard. It was I tried harder than the average bear, but easy for me, if that makes sense. I didn't have to try that hard because I was always very intelligent, uh, and still still feel that way about a lot of things. And that's why I need humility, because, dude, just because you're gifted doesn't mean you don't have to try hard like you're. There's other gifted people that are working hard and so, uh, to bring this back to the identity piece, what you think you are, the story you tell yourself about yourself is is what is the new story like? What is kevin 3.6 going to be? What's the? I mean, do you think you're smart?

Speaker 2

I sometimes I wonder if I even know anymore where anyone falls on the on the bell curve, and and I think I have a better pulse on it now than I ever have. But I don't really question, I don't ask myself like, do I think kevin's smart? I would say, yes, definitely. But I don't walk around thinking Kevin's so freaking smart. You know what I mean. I don't even think I'm that smart. In a weird way, it's like statistically, I know that I am, but I don't walk around going. I'm so freaking smart. You know, if anything, I'm looking at where.

Speaker 1

I'm screwing up, I think, when you're aware of potential for it. I think it goes back to the episode we did on clarity. That was yesterday's episode. Yeah, yesterday's episode when you're clear on how much potential you have, you're always chasing it.

Speaker 2

Always.

Speaker 1

I never thought I had any, so for me it was, it wasn't, there was nothing to chase.

Speaker 2

When you hear quotes like it's you versus your potential, I feel that way and this will land. I really feel strongly about this. Everyone listening or watching People who have high self-belief, statistically speaking, and I've coached them. I've coached people with and without self-belief Hundreds at this stage. People with higher self-belief, subconsciously and unconsciously the real self-belief. They are always benchmarking against a future potential. They're benchmarking against their own potential. Amy Linnaeus I'm going to use Amy. What's happening? I'm going to use her as an example. She's benchmarking up against her potential as a mother. She's a way better mother than any of the mothers I saw growing up, but she never thinks I'm a great mother. She never thinks that because in her mind, she's still below her own standard well, there's something there's something to that.

How people with high self-belief benchmark against their future potential

Speaker 1

You can't, you cannot berate yourself beyond your level of self-belief, because then it's detrimental. I think, I think.

Speaker 2

It's like I don't walk around. I remember Kevin saying this to me. He said it's not that they're ignorant, alan, it's that you're really intelligent. And I remember thinking I can't walk around thinking that I'm going to read less books if I do that. I'm not going to walk around thinking I'm so freaking smart. That doesn't make any sense, because I'm that's like being like oh, I'm great at basketball. Okay, well, I'm done. Now I guess I don't have to practice my jump shot.

Speaker 1

I can be strong and aspire to get stronger.

Speaker 2

It's hard to when you're in the gym, you kind of have to say I'm kind of disappointed. There's a constructive line there. You can't. There's a destructive line with feeling good about yourself. There's a. Yeah, I know, you know this you can't walk in the gym thinking you're the man when your gym is people that are not in great shape.

Speaker 1

It depends. It's big fish in small pond syndrome you can't Right.

Speaker 2

It's very. I try really hard to never get big fish in small pond syndrome, because when I was the most unfulfilled in my life it was when I was the biggest fish in the smallest freaking pond. Yeah, and I never want to let that happen again.

Speaker 1

However, if you don't have self-belief, you kind of have to do the, and I would have you speak to that you yeah, I think that's why it's so hard is you have to figure out what level of of psyching yourself up is actually positive, what level? I think I'm the man when I go to the gym and there's some people at the gym that are in really good shape, but I don't care, I'm there to crush it. But it's a duality.

Speaker 2

You don't think you're the man. You do and you don't. You know what.

Speaker 1

I mean there's work to be done. Yeah, there's always work to be done which one's bigger?

Speaker 2

it's syntax. In my gym I feel good as I'm in one of the best shape in my but it's a big fish, small pond for sure, yeah. But there was a dude in there the other day next to me benching and he, I mean, it's not close, it's not even close. This dude's worst day is stronger than my best. It's not even freaking close for me. I love that. He was doing incline bench with 245s and a 25 on each side for reps 275. Good for him. Yeah, and I'm, what was I doing? I think I was doing flat bench for 185 for eight or something like that, and he's just hammering it. I love that. However, it's syntaxual. It's you versus your potential first. I don't compare to others that much. I try really hard not to Well.

Speaker 1

I think you actually know your potential. I compared to him in that moment consciously.

Speaker 1

Say that again, I think you actually know your potential. I think it's really hard to know your potential. I don't know what my potential is. I'm going to be very honest I am a way better speaker than I ever thought I could be. I'm way better at podcasting than I ever thought I could be. A thousand percent, a thousand percent, yes, a thousand percent. I am way more capable as a business owner. I had a moment the other day where I was like, yeah, no, I'm a business owner. It's like just now landing that I'm a business owner so wild I've been a business owner since 2019.

Speaker 1

It's been six years, five years.

Speaker 2

I'm so grateful you share stuff like that, because you never used to share stuff like that.

Speaker 1

Well, I didn't know that I didn't. I didn't know what was what I like that well, I didn't know that I didn't, I didn't know what was what. I had a moment where I was. I I was sitting in my car last night. I went for, I went, I got a burger king where I was thinking it's like I really hope alan understands what when I said that taran gets me better than he does, like he knows what I, oh yeah yeah, 100 because I don't understand completely.

Speaker 2

That's always the fear is it's gonna be like I don't, I don't completely.

Speaker 1

That's always the fear. It's going to be like. I don't want you ever to be like Kevin's more than he thought he was. Does that mean he's going to stop trying to get better than he?

Speaker 2

is no. I think it's awesome because I learned so much from it.

Speaker 1

That's my honest take. I'm essentially better at everything other than fitness.

Speaker 2

Than you thought you'd be, than I thought I'd be, which makes sense, because fitness was the one thing that you knew you were awesome at. So you really are benchmarking against your environment.

Speaker 1

I am kind of benchmarking against my past, because I don't know what my potential is. I just know I'm awesome. Imagine there's no speedometer. It's just like I'm just going faster Than I was. I don't know how fast this thing can go.

Speaker 2

This is why experience Is so important when you, when you experienced Driving the BMW off the lot, that kind of stuff 100%.

Speaker 1

I never thought that was going to happen. It doesn't.

Speaker 2

I don't understand Then, why have the dream car like? Why would you have a dream car and then not expect to achieve it?

Speaker 1

because I, for me, it was never expecting, it was desiring.

Speaker 2

Expectations and desires are two different things all right, what's something that you are expecting now?

Speaker 1

oh boy boy.

Speaker 2

Expecting of yourself. By the way, I want to make this clear. I don't mean like, oh, someone's going to show up with your drink.

Speaker 1

I would like you to give me a golden toilet, yeah.

Speaker 2

I only ever wipe my butt with 50s. Or as Kevin would say I don't get out of bed for less than a Jibo. Less than a Jibo.

Speaker 1

Which is again, again. That's a joke, one of the funniest quotes I get out of bed for free every day, I promise, yeah. What am I expecting of myself in terms of a, an accomplishment? Yeah, yeah, what's? An accomplishment that you actually anticipate I don't even know two thousand episodes.

Speaker 2

Okay, so when we hit that, that'll be like cool.

Speaker 1

Yeah, it'll be cool.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah, Okay. How is that different than the BMW?

Speaker 1

You could see the lead up to it. It's like, dude, we're already at 1860, whatever 1862. Of course we're going to get 2,000. But I didn't believe that in the beginning. What if?

Speaker 2

I have that same exact thing, but with more stuff.

Speaker 1

I think you do, but I also think that's why at times you don't understand people as well as I do, because I can understand what it's like to not. I think there's I think there's it's delusion. There's some people that start something and think they're gonna be Like when I started I wanted to be Joe Rogan. I didn't think I was gonna be. I thought it would be really cool if I could get to Imagine getting to that level. Holy shit, what a life that would be. There are some people that start and expect the total opposite of I'm probably not. Nothing's really going to happen. And then nothing does happen in the beginning because it's not really supposed to, and then you think you're doing something wrong when in reality you're just. This is just how it goes for most of us in the beginning and accurate thinking is is the solution that's we gotta hop.

Speaker 1

I know, I know, I know you're devastated. If you want, we can do part two. If you want to do part two, we can. I would love.

Speaker 2

I would adore to do an episode on why accurate thinking matters.

Speaker 1

We can do it. We'll do it tomorrow. We'll do it tomorrow, that's exactly.

Speaker 2

I appreciate it. That's exactly what this is of the people who are delusional quit because they're not going to, but there's something about self-awareness and accurate thinking. Yeah, accurate thinking about self, others and the world.

Outro

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, alright, we're going to do an episode on it tomorrow. No more teases. No more teases, alright. Next Level Nation. If you are looking for a private Facebook group, that is all about this. Please join Next Level Nation. If you are a podcaster, who is looking for a private Facebook group, all about podcasting, podcasting. I launched podcast growth nation. First post was today. We've got some engagement already. Shout out to everybody in there. We appreciate you so very much. Alan is doing coaching. We'll have his free 30 minute business breakthrough session. Link in the chat. Book it and you will learn a thing or two, hopefully, and if not, it's free and you only wasted 30 minutes of your time just kidding. It won't happen, I promise. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and NLU. We don't have fans, we have family.

Speaker 2

We'll talk to you all tomorrow Keep after it. Next Level Nation.

Speaker 1

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Speaker 2

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Speaker 1

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.