Next Level University

Will You Ever Get The Results You Want? (1864)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Have you ever achieved a big goal and wondered why it didn’t feel as satisfying as you thought? In this episode, Kevin and Alan discuss why success often feels different than expected. They explore the deeper reasons behind goal setting and how accurate fulfillment comes from growth, not just crossing the finish line. Tune in to discover why the journey matters more than the destination and how to align your goals with what truly matters.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Book Club - https://bit.ly/3BQBYDr

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://bit.ly/3BQBYDr
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Email 💬
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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:22) Will you ever get the results you want?
(3:50) “We don’t want the results, we want what we think the results will feel like.”
(5:15) What changes after achieving major milestones?
(8:54) The concept of playing the "infinite game" in life
(10:58) Setting the right goals for the right reasons
(22:37) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://bit.ly/3BPR2B4
(28:38) The balance between aiming high and avoiding disappointment
(31:49) How ach

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

a lot of the internal problems that you have when you set a goal depending on how long the goal is are different when you accomplish the goal. Maybe I thought that I would be confident when we crossed a million. I was confident long before that. Maybe I thought it was going to be like an internal thing.

Speaker 2

You and I, as young men, we sought after things, but we didn't understand why we were going for them. So, of course, when we get them, they're going to be different than we thought, and I actually think that's part of the growth journey. I think until you make six figures, you assume it's awesome, and it is awesome, but not in the way you think.

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Speaker 2

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Speaker 1

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Speaker 2

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Speaker 1

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Speaker 2

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,864, will Excuse me, will Excuse me. Don't let that bother you.

Speaker 2

Will you ever?

Speaker 1

Will you ever get the results you want. If you try hard and believe in yourself and do 1,870 episodes, you might be able to do an intro without screwing up. You know what that was.

Speaker 2

I was trying to pause and make sure the rest of the funniest things I'm tired man, all right, why are we doing this episode?

Speaker 1

We you and I were talking earlier and we were talking about how it was before we recorded the other episode. We were talking about how, when things get better, they still kind of suck a little bit and even when you're improving, it kind of feels like you're losing. And I asked Alan I said do you think I said the collective you do you think you ever get the results you want? Because when you get the results you want, you usually find out that what you thought you were going to get doesn't necessarily come with that Best example I can give and I say this to podcasters all the time I say I know you think that I'm where you want to be, but I had the moment where we crossed a million listens and a million dollars on the same day where I was like now, what it's different than I expected. I wasn't happy, not that I wasn't happy, it just was different than I expected. I thought it was going to feel different than it did. I'm grateful and all that, but it just was different. I got the results I thought I wanted, but the results I wanted are different than what I expected. And I told Alan this.

“We don’t want the results, we want what we think the results will feel like.”

Speaker 1

I put this little quote below the episode title I can't speak to save my life. Here we go. I'm going to lock it up right now. I'm going to be a professional for the rest of the time. We don't want the results we. Here we go, I'm going to lock it up right now I'm going to be a professional for the rest of the time.

Speaker 1

We don't want the results we want what we think.

Speaker 2

the results will feel like You're half asleep. I don't know why I'm so tired.

Speaker 1

But I'm convinced of that you were in the dark before this, kevin had all his lights off. He was fully. Well, I was waiting, and you're wearing black too, so must be tired. All the time, all the time what do you think of that?

Speaker 2

quote crime all night, flight and climb.

Speaker 1

We don't want the results we want, what we think the results will feel like I don't know, maybe.

Speaker 2

So that is your take it away yeah, that's my thesis. We don't want the results, we want what we think the results will feel like yes, fair, yeah, I okay. So when you get a goal, you achieve a goal, there's a lot of things that change and there's some things that don't change at all. Let's do that, let's unpack that. What changes when you achieve a goal?

Speaker 1

you're asking me yeah you try to make me look bad.

Speaker 2

One million listens, one million dollars. What changed when we achieved that goal? There are some things that changed.

What changes after achieving major milestones?

Speaker 1

I could put it in my bio. That's a big marker for success in the podcast land. It's a big marker in success when it comes to business. It crossed a million dollars in revenue. So both of those I don't know. I think it created a lot of opportunities for me to reflect and look back on this journey and what it's been like. But physically not a lot.

Speaker 2

Yeah, nothing the day before and the day after are the exact same, except for the opportunities we can now attract. Yeah, the opportunities we can now attract. Yeah, the opportunities we can attract having gotten to that milestone or that marker. It's like when you're in the nfl or or you are now a professional speaker who's spoken on one of the most prestigious stages, or you graduate from college, or you get that degree, or you graduate from harvard or whatever it is stanford. Nothing changed necessarily about you in that achievement. When I got my computer engineering degree one of the hardest things I've ever done genuinely nothing changed the day after graduation, except for the prospects, the opportunities that I now have the opportunity to go achieve. The thing that's interesting is that and this is the next level you pun intended Okay, I get my computer engineering degree and now, all of a sudden, I have an opportunity to work at iRobot, one of the most successful robotics companies in history consumer robotics. And now I have to go learn how to work at iRobot one of the most successful robotics companies in history consumer robotics and now I have to go learn how to work at iRobot.

Speaker 2

I was a product manager. I worked on a marketing team of product managers. That was. I mean, I was in meetings. I said this one time I said I was in a meeting just now that no 22-year-old should be in. One time I said I was in a meeting just now that no 22-year-old should be in, and I think I don't talk about that often, but I was just observing and I remember thinking I don't know if I have anything to add here. This is these people are all in their 40s and 50s and 60s and they're talking about hundreds of millions of dollars, and I'm 22.

Speaker 2

That's wild. So the point? What was that? Kevin and I are squeaking a lot. We're, we're out here doing it. Happy monday everybody, in this case wednesday. So what changes is your perception of self and other people's perception of you, and therefore what changes is what people believe and don't believe about you, and therefore, what changes is the opportunities you get? And so, whenever you achieve a certain goal, that goal can be a let down or it can be a stair step to the next stair step I think you could have used either stair or step either one didn't need both of them.

Speaker 2

You could use choose. You could choose stair.

Speaker 1

Step sounds better I don't think so. But again, I also have said several things wrong in this episode. This is my thesis you'll never actually get the results you want quote, unquote if the reason you want the results is not accurate. If I thought, okay, when we cross a million dollars and a million listens, I'm going to be blank, I'm going to be whatever right, I'll have 500 clients and I'll be financially free and I won't have to do anything ever again. That's not going to happen.

Speaker 2

I didn't think that but Can we talk about that? That's not going to happen. I didn't think that, but can we talk about that? Let's talk about that. Let's talk about it. Game theory talks about infinite games and finite games. I know I'm not going to go down the rabbit hole, I just want to go brief with this. A finite game is this podcast episode. An infinite game is having the most successful podcast possible in terms of positive impact. We are playing an infinite game and this episode, fortunately, is a finite game within that infinite game.

Speaker 2

The point of the podcast isn't to stop podcasting. The point of an infinite game is to keep playing the infinite game, and life is kind of that way when it comes to growth. And so when it comes to goals, goals are not to get the goal, they're to grow to a new level I know, set even larger goals, and I really want to have this dialogue with you where you and I can play uh, we, we joked and playfully behind the scenes, called this podcast the genius and the joker, and be a good name.

Speaker 1

Yeah, uh it would, but I'll let you.

Speaker 2

Whether you're watching or listening, I'll let you guess which one I am the genius, obviously but ultimately, I want to have this dialogue because anyone who is thinking that the goal is actually going to make them feel a certain way, they are setting themselves up for disappointment just by definition, and I've done it too in the past. I just learned very early on okay, well, I achieved that, that, that and that, and that's not it. It's not about that. You want to achieve the goal, yes, because of reasons underneath the goal. So a million listens. What does that mean? That means we impacted a million lives, a million dollars. What does that mean? That means that we've reached a new level in business to where we can continue to impact more and more people, because if we're perceived as more successful now, we have the opportunity to guide more successful people. And so there's reasons underneath goals.

Speaker 2

You don't set the goal. If you set the goal for the right reasons and then you get the goal, then those things actually will fulfill you potentially. But if you set the wrong goal for the wrong reasons, you might get the goal and nothing will change, or maybe you'll be unfulfilled. And so you always said I said I do set the goal to get the goal. You were the one who said that. What do you think now in terms of optimal goal setting, for lack of a better phrase.

Speaker 1

I don't know. I feel like it's really hard to know what to expect. The results of the of accomplishing the goal to be outside of. I accomplished the goal. I 10 pounds in 10 weeks. I'm doing it for the 10 pounds in 10 weeks. I'm not.

Speaker 2

It's the only reason I'm doing it. There's no like losing 10 pounds, that that isn't.

Speaker 1

I mean it's a good number, it's round, it's like it's a good number, it's round, it's a good round number.

Speaker 2

But you're not doing it for the goal. You're doing it to look better and feel better and be better. You know what I mean? I wouldn't say feel. There's things underneath that.

Speaker 1

I wouldn't say feel better, necessarily Feel better about your physique.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you definitely wouldn't feel better physically.

Speaker 1

But but it's the. I'm doing it to accomplish the goal. I want to do the goal. I want to hit the mark. Why?

Speaker 2

So you can have abs. What you want is the byproduct that that goal will give you. One of the problems with goal setting is 10 pounds in 10 weeks is a great goal because there's numbers attached. It's clear and specific, smarter goals, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1

Specific measurable right the smart goals thing I want to prove to myself, I can do it.

Speaker 2

That's another. That's a great reason to set and get goals. That's to build self-belief, but even that's not to get the goal. The version of Kevin sitting in front of me right now has achieved how many goals in your life? Just give me a ballpark.

Speaker 1

I never even know what to say when you say that Thousands, thousands of goals Okay.

Speaker 2

This version of Kevin believes in himself. How much more than Kevin at you know, 10 years ago. 100 times. That's really the point of goals. All we really want in life, underneath all this, is to feel good about ourselves and to believe in ourselves.

Speaker 1

But you gotta. There has to be what if that's not enough. Necessity, though yeah just do this for 10 years and then you'll like, probably feel pretty good.

Speaker 2

No, no, it's it's not well, okay, so podcast growth nation you just started yeah and there's a reason underneath why you started that. You didn't start podcast growth nation because you wanted another facebook group. You started podcast growth nation because you want to connect with podcasters, you want to help podcasters level up. You want a community of people. So there's reasons underneath it that are that are deeper and bigger than the goal itself, but you're not gonna write that when you write down your goals. You're not gonna write down.

Speaker 2

You're gonna write down hey, I want you know 50 podcasters in podcast Growth Nation for this quarter or whatever it is. I think that that's where we get screwed up with goal setting is you need to set a short-term, measurable goal while knowing that that's leading to higher up the mountain. That's going to get higher as you climb it. I really do think that it's very detrimental that we never learned about goal setting and why it matters and how to do it and what it really means and what you're going to feel when you actually get there, type of thing.

Speaker 1

Well, I don't know if I have a good example then, because what you're saying makes a lot of sense and I concur. But I feel like if you knew what you were going to get when you accomplish the goal, you would also know how to accomplish the goal better, the collective view. So it's just like you'd also know the detriments that come. If you know the potential, you know the upsides, what happens when you accomplish it you'd also know the detriments that come. If you know the potential, you know the upsides of what happens when you accomplish it, you'd also know the detriments.

Speaker 2

Remember when you said that the point of getting married isn't to get married, it's you care more about the relationship. Yeah, marriage is like the goal.

Speaker 1

That was never my goal. That was never a goal for me. I don't care, that never happened, I'm just saying in this metaphor yeah, bear with me in this metaphor.

Speaker 2

Oh, okay, I got some people have reached out saying they love that episode, specifically that one, by the way, Shout out to you, kevin said something along the lines of the wedding is great, but the point of the wedding is to have a great relationship. Emilia and I have talked too. We want our wedding to be meaningful. I said, whatever it is, let's just make it meaningful when we do, because what really matters is the relationship Way more than the wedding. It's not even close, okay.

Speaker 1

But, but, but okay. Will you ever get the results you want? That's like saying we got married, Now it's going to work out.

Speaker 2

But that's the same as when you set a goal of 10 pound in 10 weeks. Oh, now I'm. Now, I'm fit. No, you're about to let it ride. Now I'm more fit, you're more fit, but you're about to lose it if you don't set another goal so what do you just like?

Speaker 1

rent the results you have until you yes, return them for a different result all results are a byproduct of something of aiming higher.

Speaker 2

All results are a byproduct of aiming higher. Kev you, the shape you're in right now is a byproduct of you trying to get in better shape.

Speaker 1

So kevin is trying, not in as good a shape as he wants to be. And this result. Here's where things get wonky, though I am not as disappointed in myself as you are in yourself.

Speaker 2

That's because I'm aiming higher, unconsciously or consciously, yeah, probably consciously. So there's a bigger gap between it's called the gap and the gain.

Speaker 1

So I'm I feel terrible for everybody that listens, who doesn't get to see your facial expressions when you say certain things I.

Speaker 2

It's a horizon you never get closer so so my gap between where I want to be and where I am is higher than yours. It's larger than yours, so my disappointment is larger. Frustration your. The size of your frustration will be the distance between what is and your standard. So emilia has higher standards than I do for the home, so she's more frustrated than I am about most stuff and I'm assuming Taryn's the same way. You don't really care about much I've traveled with you.

Speaker 1

You don't?

Speaker 2

yeah, I don't care you know, but frustration is a byproduct. So you care more about being on time, so you're frustrated with me. Sometimes you have a higher standard than I do. Now here's where it gets wonky, formulaic thinking the higher your belief, the higher your goals. The higher your goals, the higher your standards have to be. So whoever has the highest goals has the highest standards. Or it has to have the highest standards or you'll be disappointed more. So I have to choose. I either live with more disappointment or I up my standards. So I've chosen disappointment. No, in this case I have, but that's one of the really negative things about self-belief the more you believe in yourself, the higher your goals will be, and the more disappointed you'll be, and there's no real way around that. In a way, like you can be grateful I'm grateful for my physique and wildly disappointed.

Speaker 1

Let me ask you a question what is your relationship with the results? How does your relationship with the results affect your perspective of it? Because I was never the tall, lanky kid so I've always kind of been in shape. So what if my standards are different because of my experience? Is that a thing?

Speaker 2

Yeah, definitely so. Kev likes being leaner because you're shorter. Yes, I don't like to be leaner because I feel lanky, and so your experiences do greatly affect and impact what you shoot for. Most of our goals in early life is the opposite of pain. So my stepdad left, took 90% of the income with him, worked for a hospital computers company called Agfa, and I went from boats and ski trips to very low income. I went from boats and ski trips to very low income. So my decision was going to be lawyer, politician, president, or it was going to be computer engineer or engineer, mba, ceo. Both of those make a lot of money. I wanted to make more money because I saw lack of money create pain, create pain, and so most of our goals are just a directional opposite direction of our pain.

Speaker 2

So if not having money growing up caused you pain, you probably have had goals. To be wealthy Definitely caused pain. And when you become hyperconscious, shout out to Hyperconscious Podcast change the way you act, change the way you think, change the way you act, change the way you live. My bad, but seriously, most of you and I, as young men, we sought after things, but we didn't understand why we were going for them. So, of course, when we get them, they're going to be different than we thought, and I actually think that's part of the growth journey. I think until you make six figures, you assume it's awesome. And it is awesome, but not in the way you think.

Speaker 1

Well, it's not going to fix. What it will do is it will help you with all the problems that are monetary. If you have monetary problems, six-figure income will help more than $80,000.

Speaker 1

As long as you do the right thing with it. If you have an insecurity about being short, here's $100,000. Let me know how that works for you. It ain't gonna do it. It ain't gonna do it. You're just gonna be negative and toxic, probably Because you're gonna think that that makes you. It's almost like we're a lot of us and again I'm extremely guilty of this. In the past. You're looking for the thing that is, the supplement that closes the gap on what you don't like about yourself, and then, when you get it, you almost go way too far and you become the opposite. You go over and then you don't like yourself because of how far you become the opposite. You go over and then you don't like yourself because of how far you've gone over.

Speaker 2

What's the tangible example?

Speaker 1

I think somebody who, somebody who was undervalued and nobody gave them respect in school and they were always looked down on, they eventually crush it and they get really successful and they have a lot of money and then they just become arrogant and they go way over. It's almost like they think they should because they've achieved success. They can go over and everybody should accept that. I think it's that. But that only works in the department and money's like the weird thing where it really only works in the money department. Because I was going to say well, if you're somebody who is out of shape right now, you're not in the shape that you desire to be, getting in shape will help, but like that might not be why you don't love yourself. It might not be because you're not in shape. That might not be it. It might be deeper. It's probably deeper than that. How many bodybuilders have I known that have body dysmorphia and they're in better shape than anybody you would ever see and they don't like themselves at all.

Speaker 2

Yeah, so even that? Or pretend to love themselves a lot when they don't deep down.

Speaker 1

Or pretend to love.

At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM

Speaker 2

Yeah, nlu, listener, what is happening? I just wanted to jump in here and let you know If you want to get to the next level faster. We have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first thursday of every month. You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. The link to register will be in the show notes. You said something that brings us back to the title of the episode and I love this conversation. This is hyper conscious.

Speaker 1

I adore this my apologies to the audience for I'm I'm cognitively, I don't know. I'm off tonight, I don't know why, not sure I think it's different.

Speaker 2

I'm foggy, foggier than usual yeah, well, I appreciate you calling it out, but I I feel like it's been pretty, pretty awesome, minus the the beginning. So you said something in there that said, for anyone who's not in the shape they want to be in, that's everyone I don't agree with that I don't know.

Speaker 2

There's no one who wouldn't be in better shape if they could. No one, yeah. But find me a human being, but who doesn't want to be in better shape than they currently are. That's the point of the infinite game. But find me another human being who doesn't want to be in better shape than they currently are. That's the point of the infinite game. Find me another human being who doesn't want to be wealthier than they currently are.

Speaker 1

You don't think that exists.

Speaker 2

I don't. That's got to exist. Human beings are meant to expand. We're meant to grow. We want. Find me a human being who doesn't want to be more in love more wealthy, more healthy, but at what point is that toxic? It's toxic if it's your shame based it's toxic if it's shame based.

Speaker 2

There's a big difference between wanting to be in better shape and I need to be to feel okay Good, okay fair. There's a constructive and a destructive version of everything. What about? I playfully joked with emilia. I said we don't do shame based anything in this house. But I will guilt you. I'm joking, I I genuinely I'm joking. But guilt, the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is come on, man, you're better than that. You know you're better than that you can do better. That's guilt. Shame is you know you're better than that you can do better. That's guilt. Shame is, honestly, you're kind of a fucking terrible business partner.

Speaker 1

I don't like that one.

Speaker 2

I'm being mindful. No one clip that out. That's not true. Shame is, kevin, you are bad. Guilt is come on man, let's rock Now. I'm not saying to go around guilting people. There's a place, I'm your coach, so sometimes I might come on.

Speaker 1

you got this, you can do it and it's guilting you against what you have asked me to. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Speaker 2

That's the cool thing about coaching is you're asking for someone to hold you accountable. So it's, it's not. But I never shame base, ever. There's never shame based. And I'm working on that with myself, because sometimes I shame myself. Emilia will catch me talking negatively to myself and, uh, she'll say I don't know how is that?

Speaker 1

how has that changed? I'm intrigued by that?

Speaker 2

what do you mean? The shame based versus the?

Speaker 1

for you? How has that changed for you?

Speaker 2

it's an energy. So I'll still say things like so you'll hear me, alan, get your fucking. So you'll hear me say, alan, get your fucking ass in the office, but see the energy, it's playful versus an actual shaming. Okay, yeah, and I think that that's. Don't quote me on this at all because seriously, I genuinely have never researched this myself. Emilia has, apparently, because seriously I genuinely have never researched this myself. Emilia has, apparently, if you were to shame attack, no, no, bs cab, this is gonna get a little woo for a second ready?

Speaker 2

okay, you're ready if you were to shame, attack with hateful energy, negative energy toward water and then put it in the freezer, the crystalline structure would be different, interesting. And if you were to speak loving to water and then put it in the freezer, the crystalline structure would be different, interesting. And if you were to speak loving to water and then put it in the freezer, the crystalline structure would be much more structurally sound, and they've proven this with plants. If you talk, I've heard that there's positive energy is a thing. I'm not going to go too far. I'm an engineer okay, listen, academic engineer, intellectual. I can't with some of this stuff. However, I know quantum physics is energy, metaphysics is mental and emotional and then Newtonian physics is physical, and I believe in all three I do. What that means is a whole nother rabbit hole, but I do believe shame-based, hateful energy is not good and I do believe it has an impact beyond what we can physically see.

Speaker 1

I wish you kind of clued me into your learnings of that and you shifting that for yourself, because who knows what I've been doing to myself behind the scenes? You know what I mean. It'd be good to know that when you get onto this new age shit you know, just tag the kid in, let him know. Hey, kev, you know the way we've been talking to yourself. What's that? Do you think you do shame-based stuff with yourself? Um, no, probably not. I don't know if I've ever really resonated with that. Anyway I think it. You. You have to have hyper high belief for that to even, for it to even cross your mind To do it on purpose, as a mechanism for going and doing it. It wouldn't work for me because it would just make me feel bad about myself With you.

Speaker 2

I don't know if it ever consciously, but if you were over and someone was delusionally over and they thought the world of themselves. Maybe that would bring them closer to five and maybe that's why it's a thing.

Speaker 1

And.

Speaker 2

I'm not saying they should do it, because I think what they really should do is sit with whatever's accurate.

Speaker 1

I thought I had it. I thought for sure I was going to be the one in this episode. I was like I got this, this is going to be good, I'll have the through line, it's gonna be fine. And you poke some holes in my thesis and now I have to contemplate. I appreciate it. It seems hopeless, is it hopeless?

Speaker 2

what the goal setting thing? Just all of it what are we? Doing. Let's make it empowering what I think it's empowering to realize well, think about the alternative. I really appreciate this conversation. I do. What's the alternative? Set no goals and feel terrible about yourself Is there a way?

Speaker 1

is there an in-between?

Speaker 2

Yes, what is it? The right size goals in the right direction for the right person. But it's all an optimal stopping problem. I feel really good fitness-wise. That means you're fulfilled in fitness. That means that you are in alignment in fitness with your potential. That's what that ultimately means. If I was your coach, that's what I would tell you and I'd say, okay, where are you unfulfilled?

Speaker 1

And you'd say, money, the rest of the life, and I'd say, okay, let's, I'm kidding about that, by the way.

Speaker 2

And I'd say, okay, let's, I'm kidding about that by the way, if anybody hears that, but the truth is, you're more fulfilled in fitness than you are in finance. Definitely True. Okay, that means we need to get you in line with your potential in finance. I've been playing the lottery every night.

Speaker 1

Nothing's happened yet. I'm waiting. You got lucky numbers. You know stuff. What are my lucky numbers? Throw them my way, I'll go scratch them off.

Speaker 2

There are no lucky numbers, sir.

Speaker 1

They're hyper-rational, very hyper-rational.

Speaker 2

Can you wrap this in a bow? Because I think it's empowering to realize you're achieving the unachievable we all are. However, it's the journey and the growth and the impact that we have along the way that's meaningful, and so having goals create a direction, but the goal setting a goal, the point of the goal, is not to get the goal. The point of the goal is to grow in the direction of who you aspire to be. I got you.

Speaker 1

I got you Wrap this whole thing in a bow for us. And this is why it's positive, because if you're just starting something, so let's just use the million listen thing. Okay. If you're just starting something and you're at zero and you think when you get to a million of whatever, you're going to feel a certain way, you're imagining honestly. No, you're not imagining all the things that have to happen in order for you to go from zero to a million. All of those tiny things add up, and by the time you're at 999,000, you're the same level of consciousness that you're going to be when you get to a million. So it's not, it doesn't matter, it's not the number, but so much has happened in between the zero.

How achieving a goal doesn't solve internal issues

Speaker 1

It's kind of like a maybe like a race. At the beginning of the race 're thinking okay, I gotta do 300 laps, but so many things happen. It's not about the 300 laps, but all the things that happen along the way. And then it's an accumulation of things, and then that's why it's not necessarily super exciting when you achieve the thing. That's part one, and I think part two is, in a way, a lot of the internal problems that you have when you set a goal, depending on how long the goal is, are different. When you accomplish the goal. Maybe I thought that I would be confident when we crossed a million. I was confident long before that Cool. Maybe I thought it was going to be like an internal thing.

Speaker 2

That's a super relatable thing right there.

Speaker 1

I think that's a piece of it, just like the 10 pounds in 10 weeks.

Speaker 2

you think you're going to be more confident and you probably will be, because of the discipline it takes, because of keeping the promises you make to yourself, because eating better and having better energy levels and sleeping better and hydrating more See how the goal creates the necessity to do the things that actually will make you feel more confident well, and then you'll also get a six pack, which is also awesome.

Speaker 1

Well, that's definitely awesome I was gonna say you think getting to a million listens will make imposter syndrome go away. I bet you it makes it worse because if you know, because I don't really have imposter syndrome for that specific thing. But if I did, yes, it would make it worse. 100%, because if you think it's going to make it go away, it's not because it's not imposter. Syndrome is not external, it's internal. External doesn't make internal go away. It doesn't work that way it might make it worse.

Speaker 2

Sometimes it could make it worse, it could get worse sometimes.

Speaker 1

Do you think internal makes external go away?

Speaker 2

It can.

Speaker 2

I think they're super connected.

Speaker 2

I think, if you do it right external you said a quote, so you posted this recently External result triggers an internal insecurity, which then gets you to set another external goal, which then makes you face another internal insecurity.

Speaker 2

I think that's the growth journey. I think, if the growth journey is working properly and we're staying in true self, which is being humble, staying humble and accurate, I think you set an external goal and then you build toward it and in the building toward it, you're forced to face your insecurities and your fears, which makes you more courageous and more humble and more belief, and then you become the type of person who is capable of achieving it, which then you become more internally sound, and then, when you do, you aim higher, because why wouldn't you? You're more internally sound. Here's where it gets the negative cycle, and I've been guilty of this and you have too. When we were younger, I set an external goal that was for perception and it was for status, and then I got the status, but I but I did it in a way that was more looking good than getting better.

Speaker 2

yeah, and so when I got, the goal it actually a way that was more looking good than getting better, yeah, and so when I got the goal, it actually made everything worse, because now I have to sustain this freaking persona. Yeah, that wasn't real, and so I think that is how you solve that it's like the, the key.

Speaker 1

You think, if you, if it's internal and it's, it's low self-belief, low self-worth, trouble setting standards, trouble being consistent, all of that stuff, you think, okay, the dream body will do it, it's not going to do it. It's not going to do it. The dream relationship will do it, it's not going to do it unless the dream relationship involves so much growth. So that's a piece of it, like there's going to be a lot of, but it won't, unless you're humble enough to face the internal stuff.

Speaker 2

So you had the sports car, the model girlfriend, the beautiful Boston apartment, but it made it worse because you were trying to use being in great shape and all the status to try to attract. What essentially what happened is you attract something you couldn't sustain because you weren't working on yourself internally as much as and so it actually made everything worse. Can you quickly go into?

Speaker 1

that. That was the. So yeah, I was. How old was I here? 24, maybe 24. My partner at the time and I lived in this beautiful apartment in dorchester, upper fall upper falls, dorchester, a nice, a very nice place, I don't know 20 minutes outside of the city. Uh, at that time I was in really good shape. This was pre-bodybuilding show, but oh yeah, I was. I had a six-pack. I could eat whatever I wanted.

Speaker 1

It looked like I could eat whatever I wanted. I was in really good shape. Looking back it's like how did you? I didn't really know, you don't know, you don't know. At the time the job was crushing the job. My girlfriend was a model Like all the stuff, all the external stuff, money in the bank. I was doing great financially.

Speaker 1

I remember we'd go grocery shopping and I'd spend 500 bucks a week Like it was nothing. It was like whatever, get, whatever you want, I don't care. We'd come home with so much food and I wouldn't think twice Like, yeah, throw it on the card, it's all good, reckless. That was. I remember one time I was home from of Duty and our bedroom was on the third floor, in the third floor loft of this beautiful apartment, and I remember that was the first time I ever thought to myself if this is what life is, I don't know if I want to do it. It wasn't. I wasn't suicidal, I wasn't making a plan, but it was. I remember thinking if life is just this gray, bland existence, I don't know if I want to do it anymore, because I thought I should have felt differently about everything that I had and in hindsight, what do you think now?

Speaker 2

in hindsight, that makes sense because you achieved all these external things, but you didn't really grow that much.

Speaker 1

I was living beyond my internal self-improvement means I didn't have enough glue to keep everything together.

Speaker 2

Yeah. So, if anything, you're in over your head now, and now you've got to figure out how to sustain it. Yeah, yeah, and then I lost it, you're becoming the type of person who can easily sustain that and actually enjoy it. And then, yeah, Great episode man.

Speaker 1

I really think, think, now more than ever. I think you, if you, if I had to pick, I wish I went purely internal first, went broke and then went external to. To juggle it out, same, I won't say balance, same, I was purely external, no internal, and then they both have their detriments. A lot of men fall for that.

Speaker 2

I think that's a very common man thing, yeah, and I think it's enculturated because we see so many guys with these popping bottles, with models and Ferraris, right, and I think a lot of men fall for that. Yeah, young men in particular. Well, because you think they're happy and they're acting like they are how could you not be?

Speaker 1

I'm telling you, a lot of them aren't. We've met a lot of them. I've known many of them. I've been not to that. I've never had a Ferrari, but one day, one day, we will. But that's the thing is, I said this and we'll go, because I know we're going long here. When I bought my car, I always wanted a car, a luxury car. It was like something that was never going to happen for me. It was never, ever going to happen and I, literally, when I drove it off the lot, I was crying that day. It didn't change anything internally. Maybe I get boosts of confidence in it, but even that is freaking dangerous Because it's not real.

Speaker 2

But you get boosts of confidence in it because you worked hard to achieve it. No, it's not just that there is something to that.

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, but it's not just that I'd be lying if I said that was what it was. Oh, okay, A big piece of it is. It's a nice car. So I get confidence from that.

Speaker 1

Just like when I take my shirt off and I have abs, I get confidence from yeah, I built this but I also realize it's something that maybe other people don't have and maybe it's something that people aspire to, but I didn't. This is the difference. I didn't expect it to make me love myself anymore. If anything I told Alan this I regretted buying it. When I started to see the $757 a month car payment I was like shit that's every month too.

Speaker 2

huh, that's a lot of money Every month.

Speaker 1

yeah, that's a lot of money and there's again. I understand that's. I'm not saying.

Speaker 2

I know that's a privilege, but that's a good metaphor. That's a good metaphor, well.

Speaker 1

I think it's a good. What else?

Speaker 2

could we do with that money? That's called opportunity cost. Yeah, that's yeah, okay. Is there something else you could have done with that money that would be more meaningful. Of course, and more fulfilling right, of course you know, four months, that's a time, effort, money, meaningful, I think meaningful is what we need to go for.

Speaker 1

There's a downside. My last thing is there's a downside in every upside, just most people don't talk about it. The downside is it's $757 a month and that's a lot of freaking money and the pressure of okay, that means I have to take everything more seriously. I have to go find a way to make $757 more a month, every month. That can never stop and that's for X amount of years. There's the downside of that. I think most people just show the upside and, honestly, when you see my social media, it probably looks like the upside, but the difference is here I can talk in longer form about the realities of such. So all right, anything you want to wrap up with before we get out of here, do we do back-to-back 40 minute episodes this week?

Speaker 1

my good stuff I would say enjoy this one very much same.

Speaker 2

Hopefully, this re reinvented to some extent your relationship with goal setting. Goals are great. It's who you become, it's what you contribute, it's the impact, it's the discipline, the what you learn along the way. That's the meaningful stuff around it. So vanity, goals for vanity's sake is never going to fulfill you. Yeah, I've, I've tried. Uh, meaningful goals for meaning's sake, I mean, that's that's living the dream right there, that's living the dream. Even if you don't get the goal, you'll get a lot of meaning. Yeah, so that's, that's all. What I would say is meaningful goals for a meaningful purpose and meaningful progress toward those. I mean that's, that's a next level life. I think right there.

Outro

Speaker 1

That's it. A piece of a next level life is a next level community and if you are looking for a next level community, we have a private Facebook group appropriately named Next Level Nation. There's posts in there every day, Amy's in there every day, the team's in there every day and it's just a great opportunity to get around other people who are into growth. And it's just a great opportunity to get around other people who are into growth. I know Alan and I. It's easy it would be and is easy for us to lose sight of the fact that not everybody gets to talk about their goals and dreams every day, and I realize we're privileged in that. So if you want to talk more about your goals and dreams, it is a safe place to do it. We'll have the link in the show notes below.

Speaker 2

Yeah, if you're not going to talk about it, you might not be about it, so please come in there. No bullies allowed. Next Level Book Club started on March 2021. Next Level Book Club started on March 2021. I'm on the website right now and these are the books we've read so far. We've read 18 books. It's a lot of books, 18 books and we started what three years and seven months ago Every week, once a week, one chapter a week and we've read 18 books. So join us If you want to start reading more. That's the point Next Level Books with Next Level People. They're all self-improvement books. We set intentions every week. We've got a private WhatsApp group where it's pretty engaged. In there, we're helping each other stay accountable. It's awesome If you want to read more books with more people and not be alone.

Speaker 1

In that, we choose books that are really vetted and they're going to help you level up. Community is everything. Community is everything. Community in a positive direction is even more of everything. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. At NLU, we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Please reach out. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Speaker 2

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Speaker 1

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host