Next Level University

A Powerful Question To Ask The People You Love The Most (1875)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros tackle a powerful question that can strengthen connections. Through honest insights and practical tips, they explore how intentional check-ins can keep loved ones connected even during busy times. Tune in for a refreshing perspective on merging ambition with meaningful relationships.

Link mentioned:
Next Level Nation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700

______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://bit.ly/3BQBYDr
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(1:47) The value of transparency in relationships
(2:34) Key question to ask loved ones
(5:02) Juggling goals with relationship quality time
(8:32) Tea walks
(10:43) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching. https://bit.ly/3Up1FkG
(17:12) Recognizing individual challenges within shared relationships
(18:02) An essential question for connection
(19:18) Achieving goals while being present with loved ones
(20:28) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin:

I'm convinced this is going to be a bold statement, but I'm convinced that there are probably very few brands or podcasts or whatever it is YouTube channels that are doing the amount of episodes that we are in the way we are, where it's just like. This is what we're going through. There is no. Not everything is going to be the five-step way to achieve success.

Alan:

But, ultimately, these walks, if we weren't taking these walks and connecting and me, ultimately, these walks, if we weren't taking these walks and connecting and me expressing her expressing me expressing her expressing, asking each other questions, I actually wonder if we would even know what was going on in each other's lives.

Kevin:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan:

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin:

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness. Topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin:

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,875, happy Sunday. A powerful question to ask the people you love the most. So this is going to be a a quick episode, because this is based on a quick question that I thought of the other day.

Kevin:

I was in the office working. I was doing some back office work, taryn was out, she was doing her work and I was thinking to myself in an ideal world, a relationship is transparent, where you know everything that's going on in the other person's life and they know everything that's going on in the other person's life and they know everything that's going on in your life, and then together you know what's going on in your collective life. But life gets really busy and it's hard to every day talk about all the new stuff you learned or all the stuff you're struggling with or all the stuff that you might be struggling with. So I said to Taryn when she got home that night. I said I feel like I have a really good question that we could ask each other. That would help our relationship and I think you can do this in any relationship. It doesn't have to be an intimate relationship. It can be with friends.

Kevin:

That's why it's a powerful question to ask the people that you love the most. That question is what is going on in your personal life that maybe you have siloed away from me that might affect our relationship? I think that's a really good prompt, because even if I use Alan and I as an example, if I'm going through something in my relationship and I show up differently because of it, alan might think it's because of him, and that might not be the case. So Taryn asked me that. She said what would stand up for you if I asked you that question? I might say no instead of yes more often and faster. Yeah.

Kevin:

Because right now where there's 60,. What is it? 60 days in the year, 61 days left in the year, and I said Alan and I are on a mad dash to finish out this year strong and it feels hyper constricting. It's just when you're counting the days down every day to the end of the year and putting it on your whiteboard, putting in the Dreamliner. It feels very constricting. So I said my goal and my desire is to remain very flexible with you when you ask me for something or ask me to do something.

Kevin:

I don't want to just say no and then have to step back and figure it out. I want to say yes and then I'll figure it out and then, if I can't do it, I'll say no. But you might get more no's than normal based on what I'm going through in the business. Not that I'm hiding anything, it's not that I don't want to talk about the business, it's just some days it just doesn't happen. If I'm working till 7 or 8, tara doesn't get home some nights until 9, we're going to bed at 10, sometimes we just want to turn the brains off. So it's not. I'm not saying that maybe in an ideal world you wouldn't have to ask this question, but I don't think there's any such thing as an ideal world. I think there's ideal moments and ideal seasons, maybe, but I think that if you're coming to the relationship with any of your own baggage for lack of better phrasing or reactions from other stuff, I think it's a positive question to ask.

Alan:

Well, I think one of the things that is really concerning with relationships. I think goals and relationships are actually a lot of times in conflict. If you are very, very, very focused on a goal, you have to do certain things and then, when you do those certain things, you get lessons and you learn and you're burning down and you're struggling and you're developing skills and you're. There's a lot going on there, and I think that what it takes to build a great relationship is quality time, and what it takes to achieve goals is Quality time.

Alan:

Yeah, drive and focus and flow right. So the metaphor here is I have this focus cap that I wear around the house sometimes when I'm really trying to focus. I'm a very much a weird. I'm an engineer, I'm just going to keep saying that, but this focus cap basically keeps it, so that you don't see anything outside of your main focus, and the reason why is I get into flow really well with it.

Alan:

So I have my AirPods and noise canceling, I've got my focus cap and I'm just doing things while they're learning, and that's not exactly a great way to spend quality time around the house with your partner. And so, fortunately, emilia is so goal oriented that she always has something else to be doing. So if I cut work early, a lot of times, she'll still be working, or if she cuts work early, I'll still be working, and so she's very understanding. But very rarely are we both downstairs kind of preparing for the gym by like six o'clock. Yeah, yeah, very rarely are we both catching each other going. Oh, we've got some extra time here today. And again, I also want to make this as clear as possible. I do think that's what 30s are you're building wealth, you're building businesses, you're building brands, you're building families. Your 30s are for building. No one hangs out in their 30s seriously dude like well especially if you're a dream chaser.

Kevin:

Yeah, exactly, if you're a dream chaser and you plan on having a family and if you don't already have a family, you've got to be building now because you might not be able to build. You're not going to be able to build at the same level in your 40s exactly and well.

Alan:

The other piece of this, too, is for anyone out there, whether it's a business or a career, the pinnacle of your early career is your 30s. So you're, you're in it. I mean, millennials are you and I are millennials. Millennials are in the thick of their career right now. So if you're out there and your struggle bus and you're feel like your career is taking the majority of your focus, that makes perfect sense. You know they're. You're not going to be that same way and you're when you're 70. You're not going to be like grinding, not having quality time with your partner, right. So this is definitely a a big, big, big build phase, not only in our mid-30s kev, but just this chapter right now, and I think that's good. I really do. Emilia and I are preparing to have a family, yeah, and you know that's where, within the next five years, we're gonna.

Kevin:

I can't wait so I can like pick up freaking golf or something. Years we're going to start. I can't wait so I can pick up freaking golf or something. We were taking care of little Kev Jr, I'll be out playing quick nine. You're playing a quick nine.

Alan:

I told Emilio that day. I said you think we should sell your golf clubs?

Kevin:

Yeah, sell them to me.

Alan:

Yeah, sell them to Kev, Uncle, kev Golf Clubs. It's funny. But ultimately, going back to your original question, I agree it's very difficult sometimes, when you're constantly building, to spend that quality time. One of the game changers that emil and I call a game changer in relationship talks is tea walks. We both make tea and then we go for a walk and we've been doing 45 minutes lately. It's been under the stars, it's been awesome with like autumn.

Alan:

But on the walks and this is a cheat code you take a walk with your partner, you end up just talking about everything. You talk about good, bad, ugly, logistics this weekend, family, you, you end up just everything gets out. So you always feel like you're on the same page. We're doing a relationship talks event two weeks from now or something like that. I'll actually have them put the link in the show notes, but it's our 41st event and it's about the five relationship game changers that Emilia and I have done. One of them is gratitude game, one of them is T-walks and we're going to go into it and how to do it and all that. But ultimately, these walks, if we weren't taking these walks and connecting and me expressing her, expressing me, expressing her, expressing asking each other questions. I actually wonder if we would even know what was going on in each other's lives.

Kevin:

Understandable she's taking a trauma course fast. Oh, go ahead sorry I was just saying things change so fast, things come up so fast, things evolve so quickly.

Alan:

Especially you and I. Again, I don't want to make this about us, but three weeks, you and I feel like we've learned so much in three weeks. It's very exhausting and yeah, just humbly here, obviously going through it on a Saturday. Right now it's 12 o'clock am. On a Saturday, 12 o'clock am, 12 o'clock pm 12 o'clock pm.

Alan:

It's 11.59 am so I just rounded up. But Emilia and I are both working all day and my last call ends at 7.15, and then her and I are going to connect. I think we're going to the gym together, but we don't talk in the gym. So, yeah, these questions are if you're not checking in, how could you not grow apart? Yeah for sure. Yeah, you've got to check in. There's got to be a proactive there's got to be a pro.

Kevin:

It's like you can put a ship in the water and you can aim that thing at a target, but if you're not checking in daily, you can end up miles and miles and miles. Off course, it just doesn't take that much. Next level nation what is happening? If you've thought to yourself I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes and we would love to see you there.

Alan:

I'm not a natural expresser. Yeah, I don't, is taryn, because I emilia is not a natural expresser either. I usually have to kind of ask questions.

Kevin:

Yeah, no same, no, taryn's not really.

Alan:

No, no I remember very much. In case anyone was wondering, I think it were the- natural.

Kevin:

The natural cadence of a relationship that works really well is when somebody's an expresser and somebody's not. I'm not saying it's the best way to have a relationship that works really well is when somebody's an expresser and somebody's not. I'm not saying it's the best way to have a relationship. But I remember when I lived with Matt. Matt would come home and he would just vent for like an hour and a half.

Alan:

Yeah.

Kevin:

And then he'd be like dude, what about your day? And I was like, yeah, a couple podcasts, Good.

Alan:

And he's like anything else Strong, Just say he's strong.

Kevin:

Strong to semi-strong. Yeah, it was a strong day. How are you doing? I'm overwhelmed, but I'm good. It's all good. All right man, Anything else? No, I'm good man. I'm going to head to bed, you good?

Alan:

Are you good? Yeah, I'm with you on this one, matt, for sure. One of the reasons these episodes are so short is because I needed to talk.

Kevin:

Yeah, yeah, and I said we're going to be fine, we're going to get it done. We're going to do 16 minutes for this episode. We're going to do 16 minutes for the next episode. We're going to make it work.

Alan:

I got to get it out, man.

Kevin:

But that's the important thing too is so much of what we talk about behind the scenes is is what we're going through in life just at a deeper level, and then a lot of that gets carried over to what we talk about here. I'm convinced this is going to be a bold statement, but I'm convinced that there are probably very few brands or podcasts or whatever it is YouTube channels that are doing the amount of episodes that we are in the way we are, where it's just like this is what we're going through. There is no, not everything is going to be the five step way to achieve success. Like this is a question that I asked Taryn two days ago and I was like I feel like that would make a really good episode because it I never thought of that before. Like what an idiot. I should have thought of that a lot sooner.

Alan:

Dude, that's been happening a lot lately.

Kevin:

And I don't want to go down this route.

Alan:

No, that's been happening a lot lately, you calling me an idiot.

Kevin:

No, no, no More than normal. No, definitely not.

Alan:

Things that are obvious are breakthroughs. I've had so many breakthroughs lately. Where? Why did I never think?

Kevin:

of that before, yeah.

Alan:

There's been so many of those Earlier. I learned something about Kev. I'll keep it anonymous because I think that's a private thing, Please.

Kevin:

But I learned something. It's been so many of those earlier I learned something about kev.

Alan:

I'll keep it anonymous because I think that's a private thing. I will, but I learned something. It's been almost eight years seven, eight, whatever. It's been a long freaking time and I just learned something about him. He's like I just figured you knew yeah, I thought it was obvious you've never once said that out loud.

Kevin:

No, it's not obvious yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Though what's obvious to you, the collective you, is very rarely obvious to everybody else, because we're kind of all in our own silos.

Alan:

That's why communication man, vulnerable, courageous communications Dude, you and I. I get asked all the time on podcasts how do you guys work together? How does that work? And the truth is.

Kevin:

I don't even know if I'm just mooching off the I'm just mooching. That's how.

Alan:

That's how it works for me dude, I don't even know what to say sometimes. I think create, uh, humility, courage and vulnerability. That's what I always go to, because every time we butt heads, we, we butt heads a little bit. On the last team huddle I I was joking, I said we're gonna throw hands and I think that was the first time nicole ever saw us. You know, get after it and brandon's like. I've been through this a dozen times, this is gonna be fine, so he made a joke about it.

Alan:

but we, when we disagree, usually it's like you feel unheard or unseen in something I'm expressing and feel expressed, but you feel like I don't understand what you're going through or growing through, and then you'll try to kind of lead. It's basically when I'm leading, when you think I shouldn't be leading is what I think I have it down to.

Kevin:

I would say it's. I think you think my awareness is lower than it is and you think your awareness is higher than it is until I understand what you actually know because, sometimes you're like kevin, I'm not done yet, like there's actually layers to this. It's like oh, okay, I have layers too, though, but you do your layers, so we can figure out effort but it's, it's always. I always say core values, core beliefs and aspirations that's we would never work.

Kevin:

Well, yeah, yeah, everything right. It's like how many do you want? How much time do we have?

Alan:

well, we can walk you through if we had to pick years, though, for the listeners it would be core beliefs, core aspiration. Uh, core beliefs, core values, core aspirations, and courage, humility, courage, vulnerability. I, if I yeah, I do humility, courage, vulnerability If I yeah, I do believe those six things. Common core wound there's a bunch. There's a bunch Character.

Kevin:

Character.

Alan:

Well, that would be a common core aspiration and core value right.

Kevin:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just think like the just not going outside of alignment. I know that's all of those, but that's like one of the big things. Just not going outside of alignment, I know that's all of those, but that's like one of the big things. I'm just I don't want to, I won't, I'm not interested in doing stuff out of alignment. I came across a podcast last night that they said they're the number one business podcast on the planet and I was like I got to research this. I need to know what's up with this and I I don't know they are. They're number one and number two very frequently, but they never are off the charts. Doesn't make sense. Something's up. I think they're paying for some stuff, just like they're paying for followers and whatever, but it's like I don't understand how you sleep at night.

Alan:

I don't understand how you sleep at night.

Kevin:

It blows my freaking mind. Okay, that's not what this episode is about. We're not going to go down that rabbit hole because we've been going down that rabbit hole.

Alan:

So what was the question? To bring it back?

Kevin:

The question is what is going on in your personal life, in your silo, internally, that you haven't even said to yourself out loud yet. That may affect the relationship, and then there's a bunch of questions you can roll off of that. What can I do to help? What is it that you feel like you need? Is there anything I could do to support you that would make that silo feel less siloed and all I mean by silo is kind of by yourself, because there are problems that I am dealing with that Taryn isn't.

Alan:

I know.

Kevin:

We're dealing with them together because we're married, but they're my problems, they're our problems, but I created them and I'm solving them right, and she has her stuff too, and I think that's just Of course. We want to do it together, but you cannot do it together until you first realize what you're facing alone.

Alan:

The very last thing I'll say on this episode is emily and I are constantly asking her more than me, actually, which I'm very grateful for, especially lately Uh, but how can I support you that question? It's a great question, yeah, but you have to actually answer it. It can't just be oh nothing, we're good. You gotta really think what? I say that a lot.

Kevin:

Yeah, no, I'm good, you're doing great or whatever for me. I need to think, need to vent, you can think of something I need to vent. Just listen. Yeah, that's it. I was under the weather the other day and Taryn said what can I do to take care of you? And I was like I'm going to go back in the office, We'll be alright. We're alright, I'm fine. I just needed to tell you that I feel like crap.

Alan:

So if you notice, you know it's not you. Sometimes I'm proactively doing it without realizing that's what I'm doing. A lot of times I just say I, I need permission to to uh grind, yeah and and to make to be that, that be okay. But if I do that for too long and she doesn't get a chance to like, uh, basically say I feel like I need some, I need my partner, partner back that kind of thing, right, so come back to me. She always says, come back to me, come back to me.

Alan:

When I'm not present, I'm always in my head, I'm in the future, all that stuff. So, anyways, be a business owner, but and and be a great partner too.

Kevin:

It's holistic Got to Holistic. Baby try. It's not gonna be easy though. It's not gonna be easy, definitely not. You live in the gym. You can get some gym results. You just do business all the time. You just spend time with your partner. Those are three different lives. But if you listen to lu, you want all of it and I do believe you can improve. Can you get all of it? Yeah, you can rent all of it.

Alan:

Right, you're kind of renting it, you gotta I feel like you and I have done this with minimal effort. I feel it's been easy it's been pretty simple.

Kevin:

Yeah, it's been easy I get 12 12 to 15 hours of r&r a day minimum all right, we're gonna go because we're gonna do another episode right after this.

Kevin:

I'm excited to do it because alan's excited to do it, and when he gets excited to do stuff it makes me happy because he gets like fired up. You know what I mean. Yes, sir, all right. If you enjoy the content we put out, you want to make sure you never miss an opportunity to get to the next level of your life love, health, wealth. Make sure you are subscribed on whatever podcast platform or youtube, and we will appreciate that. And we have a private facebook group called next level Nation for amazing humans like you. We'll have the link in the show notes. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan:

Keep checking in Next Level Nation.

Kevin:

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next.

Alan:

Level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host