Sometimes Your Worst Fear Coming True Is Actually Good… (1888)

Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore the surprising benefits of confronting fears and pushing past your comfort zone. They share personal stories about imposter syndrome, handling criticism, and finding confidence through repeated exposure. Learn to reframe fear as an opportunity, take risks, and set meaningful goals. Join this inspiring journey of personal evolution and empowerment and discover how facing concerns can lead to triumph and transformation.

Links mentioned:
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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:32) First encounter with imposter syndrome
(7:10) The role of self-awareness in responding to criticism
(10:40) Fear as a fence
(13:38) Exposure therapy
(21:59) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://bit.ly/40IJYAu
(22:54) Facing fears and learning through experience
(32:11) The role of fear in everyone’s life
(38:40) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri 0:00

I'm not saying that as like a flex. I'm saying that as I probably am forgetting valuable things I could say because I don't think about them anymore. Just like, same for you out there. If you're a parent, you're probably not that worried about being a parent anymore If you've been a parent for long enough. Right, I'd be losing my mind if I just had a little one.

Alan Lazaros 0:17

You do have to consistently expose your. We used to call it fear chasing Fear is not the red light. We used to call it fear chasing Fear is not the red light. Sometimes it's the green light. A lot of people are playing not to lose instead of playing to win.

Kevin Palmieri 0:30

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus.

Alan Lazaros 0:45

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri 0:51

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits in defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros 1:06

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri 1:13

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,888, alan's Lights Go Bunkers. We are talking about the fact that sometimes, your worst fear coming true is actually good. I will never forget this, alan. Good, I will never forget this, alan.

Kevin Palmieri 1:47

And one of the reasons this is extra, extra appropriate is I just got tagged in a Instagram story by one of the amazing NLU family members and past team members and current clients of Alan and past clients of mine. Shout out to you, jenna. Jenna tagged me and said six years ago today, jenna did a post on Facebook and said two things have happened, two amazing things have happened today and I want to share them with you all. One, the host of my favorite podcast, reached out to me and asked me if he could be my mindset coach, and that favorite podcast was this podcast and it seems like she might have forgot off favorite host. I think she forgot favorite before host. That was also me and I think we're both hosts or both co-hosts. I don't know how you want to look at it, but that was my first ever client. That was the first ever person that I coached from the lens of.

Kevin Palmieri 2:47

I have a podcast called the Hyperconscious Podcast and I'm going to do hyperconscious coaching, and I remember I had so much imposter syndrome back then and I still have days where, as a podcast coach, I still have imposter syndrome. I'll be very honest about that. And my fear, my deep, deep, deep fear, was running into someone and them saying wait, you coach people. Why the hell do you get the right to coach people? That was my fear, because when I think one of the things about imposter syndrome is you have this deep fear that everybody else knows your deep fear, like everybody knows that I am afraid that I'm not a good coach. What if they call me out on it? One day my deepest fear came true.

Kevin Palmieri 3:32

Somebody DM'd me on Instagram and said, hey, I'm not trying to be mean. Okay, anytime somebody starts a message like that, you kind of Hold on what, why are we starting that way? I'm not trying to be mean, hold on what. Why are we starting that way? I'm not trying to be mean, but what gives you the right slash, credibility, slash, ability in general to coach other people? And I said, oh, my goodness, I'm gonna have to throw hands with this gentleman. I'm gonna have to better get my, better, put my dukes up. I'm gonna have to throw hands with this gentleman. And then I sat back and I thought about it because I was just triggered. It was like oh my God, they know.

Alan Lazaros 4:13

they know I suck at coaching. They know I don't know what I'm doing Damn.

Kevin Palmieri 4:16

I've been found out finally. But I wrote a message back and it wasn't from a place of ego, it was just let me see. Let me see what I can put out on paper, for lack of a better phrasing, and I said at this point I have done I think it was at least 200 podcast episodes. At that point, I have interviewed some of the most successful people on the planet. Yes, I've been practicing self-improvement every day for the last few years. I've taken myself from on the brink of suicide to literally living my dreams Again, struggling with money at the time because we were just growing this business. I have a podcast that's all about self-improvement. I've been studying self-improvement. I've been studying self-improvement. I'm in shape. I'm in shape, wildly single. I don't know anything about love, really, but we're not talking about love, so don't even worry about it. And I feel like I did know a lot about relationships even before I had one.

Alan Lazaros 5:18

And before that you also had a successful career and you were a foreman.

Kevin Palmieri 5:23

Yeah, I didn't really look too much at that. I sucked at my job, but I also hated it, so those weren't necessarily things that was you actually think you sucked at your job?

Kevin Palmieri 5:30

certain things I sucked at, yeah for sure. Okay, remember I blew like three thousand dollars worth of insulation into the wrong attic. It happens, it does happen, easy mistake to make, and my project manager was very supportive of that, so I appreciate that. But I wrote out all these things and when I sent it, they're like all right, okay, cool, that's it. You don't want to argue about it or anything. You don't want to fight about it or you don't want to tell me I'm wrong or I'm an idiot or whatever.

Kevin Palmieri 5:57

And what I realized that day was I needed to put all of that on paper more than anybody else did. I needed to look at the things. We had somebody that we worked with in the past and this person just they were really struggling with self-belief and their family had convinced them that they weren't smart enough to go back to college. And I said have you ever? And I said this is going to sound just so dumb, but have you ever sat down and wrote out 10 reasons why you think you're smart, why you think you're actually smart enough to go back? And she said no, I've never done that. I said I guarantee you could put 10 reasons you can't. Why don't we sit down and write out 10 reasons you can? Because you probably have never done that before. And it was just this, this wild breakthrough for me at the time. I know it probably sounds super simple. Well, fast forward six years. I did an Instagram thread about podcast coaching and I got some hate from people.

The role of self-awareness in responding to criticism

Alan Lazaros 6:58

Kevin's getting haters. This is great. It sucks. I know it's not good, but it is good, because you're putting yourself out there, and when you put yourself out there, some people are not going to like it.

Kevin Palmieri 7:10

That's all that is an unfortunate fact. And day one of the hate was really hard, and again, this is very much a privilege problem, like, oh, somebody said something somewhat mean on social media, right, like I understand things could be drastically worse than that, and I'm even trying to realize that, kev, you're going to be fine. You have heat in your home, you have a warm bed. You're going to be fine. Amazing wife, great business, you're going to be fine, everything's going to be fine. But day one really sucked and when I get a comment I get triggered. It's like I need to say something back. I need to say something, not because I need to be right, because I think I just want this person to be closer to the truth than they actually are. I just think you're, I think you're incorrect.

Alan Lazaros 7:56

I think you're missing pieces. I think underneath it is.

Kevin Palmieri 7:57

You need to stand up for yourself.

Alan Lazaros 8:05

That is what. I think it really is. Yeah, because if you don't, you'll feel like a coward, you'll tuck your tail and you'll lose self-worth and you'll lose self-belief.

Kevin Palmieri 8:09

100%. You'll feel even more like an imposter. 100%, 100%, yeah, because it's almost like, yeah, you know what, you're right, you're right, I'm wrong, you're right, and you myself a little bit. It felt worse. Yeah, felt worse.

Kevin Palmieri 8:27

The next day I woke up. It was like just emotionally tired from ruminating, got some other comments and I had a friendly dialogue with someone, right, someone. One of the one of the things somebody said was they said I put, I put on threads. If you could get this, this, this, this, this done for your podcast for this price, would you do it? Starting at this price? Starting at this price, would you do it? Yeah, would you do it. And somebody messaged they, they commented on it and said if you were an industry expert, as a podcaster, the price that people would be paying for the entire package, that's how much you would be charging for an hour of your time.

Kevin Palmieri 9:08

And I wrote back. I said I. I said many different things, many different things. I said one I have worked with dozens of podcasters at this point who are paying an outrageous amount of money for very little value To other companies, to other companies, to other companies. Yeah, not to us, not to us. I appreciate that, thank you, and you know how many I've talked to that said they were about to quit because they couldn't afford what they were paying for this other company. I said in the comment I said would you rather these people just quit podcasting forever or would you rather them find an affordable service where they can actually win? Because for me it's the second one. And why can't I be an industry expert who knows his value, who knows that he could charge way more but chooses not to because he wants to help people?

Alan Lazaros 10:05

Why can't I be?

Kevin Palmieri 10:06

that.

Alan Lazaros 10:10

And because he wants to build a sustainable business that has a community of podcasters that all are heart-driven toward their goals and dreams.

Kevin Palmieri 10:16

Yeah, but that's not what everybody's thinking about Now. Again, that's not the point. That's not the point. That's a part of it, but it's not the point. I woke up today and I feel amazing. Today, yeah, nice, and I think one of the reasons why is I had two days of the thing that I hate the most happen, and I realize it's not the end of the world.

Kevin Palmieri 10:40

It's this thing we've said so many times Fear is offense, maybe the best analogy I could ever use for fear. So imagine yourself in the middle of a fence that's around you, right? You've got four sides of the fence and you walk up to the fence and you look on the other side and you say, ah, life would be really good over there, but you've convinced yourself that you can't step over the fence because you're afraid of the fence. Then, when you get on the other side, it's uncomfortable for a little bit, but then you realize it's uncomfortable because you haven't experienced it yet. And then, when you do experience it a little bit, you realize, oh, this isn't. This most likely isn't what I made it out to be in my mind. This isn't as bad as I thought.

Kevin Palmieri 11:21

Some people disagreed with me on social media. One of the people actually reposted the thing. They weren't very nice, but again, whatever man, I stood up for myself, I said my piece. I believe I'm a good person, I believe I'm doing good in the world and the thing that I was most afraid of, the worst fear for lack of better phrasing happened and, if anything, now I'm more aware of how to handle it. So if you're out there and you're a dream chaser, you being a dream chaser, might force you, for lack of better phrasing, to do something that scares you. It's going to, let's say, you're afraid of social media, understandable. I'm not going to be the guy who says, ah, don't worry about it, nobody will ever comment anything negative, never going to say that I think it's very real possibility. It's a very real possibility.

Alan Lazaros 12:14

Very real probability.

Kevin Palmieri 12:15

It's a very real probability. The sooner it happens the first time and then maybe it happens the second time. At least you're exposed to how you react when it does happen. There's something about that. I think one of people's deepest fears is getting into a fist fight with someone. When you train to fight, you don't think about it. It's not that big of a deal. You do that for fun. When you're flying, you're super scared, but eventually people go on to become pilots and they're not afraid at all. If anything, they're super comfortable. You just got to get through that initial fear. So, yeah, that was my inspiration for today's episode. That's why I went on an epically long monologue, just because a couple stories close to home.

Alan Lazaros 13:01

Those are fundamentals we haven't talked about in a long time, I'd say so. And that person that Kevin was referring to, who was afraid she wouldn't be smart enough to go back to school, and her family said that ended up on the Dean's list.

Kevin Palmieri 13:17

Yeah, I'd say she did just fine. She did just fine, graduated with the Dean's list's list.

Exposure therapy

Alan Lazaros 13:22

She did very well. My voice is a little hoarse. I've been going a lot this week so I apologize for that. Exposure therapy is something you can research, and I remember after my car accident I struggled with double yellow lines.

Alan Lazaros 13:38

It was really hard to get back in a car. I kept getting pulled over because I was too far on the right side of the road. I I had claustrophobia. I remember being in crowds bothered me for a while and so I used to have to puff my chest up and walk in and out of tight doorways and the more I did that, the more I got over it. And now I don't have claustrophobia at all. I don't have. I'm not afraid of crowds at all. It's all good.

Alan Lazaros 14:00

But when we experience pain or trauma little or big obviously the car accident was big we create these fears that sort of have our central nervous system freak out. And there's the metaphor that I think is really powerful, where when a cat steps on a hot stove, yeah, it'll never step on a hot stove again, but it'll never step on a cold one either. And the metaphor there is these things that we go through that are super painful, that we remember being super painful, For example, being made fun of in high school. So Kev was probably made fun of in high school and called out in front of others and embarrassed and his central nervous system now associates if I post this on social media and someone makes fun of me, my lighting is going wild oh, it's absolutely.

Kevin Palmieri 14:57

It's not good smash mouth song. You might as well be walking on the sun nice, I had that album.

Alan Lazaros 15:06

I think that was my only c only CD I ever bought.

Kevin Palmieri 15:09

What the only album?

Alan Lazaros 15:10

Yeah, the only. I never bought CDs, man. That was my only album.

Kevin Palmieri 15:15

Did you download them illegally?

Alan Lazaros 15:17

Yes, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.

Kevin Palmieri 15:21

Of course I did. Come on, man. I saw a meme the other day. It was like a screenshot of a virus and it said all this just because I tried to download, like a Nelly song in 2004. Like yeah, no, I was there.

Alan Lazaros 15:38

I was there, Total side tangent. I was talking to Emilio about this yesterday. When I was really young I think I was 13, I had my own online marketplace where I sold items in a video game.

Kevin Palmieri 15:49

You and I had very different lives. Yeah, it's very weird.

Alan Lazaros 15:53

Anyways, diablo 2 for anyone out there who enjoys that the, the one percent of one percent of you that played that game, even though it was my whole world for a time were you making real money or was it fake money? In game money, real money you also could sell your account. So if you had characters that were really good and you worked on them, you could sell an account. So if you had characters that were really good and you worked on them, you could sell an account to somebody.

Kevin Palmieri 16:13

I used to be a little entrepreneurial back in the day I was going to say I always say that when I'm on podcasts People say like, oh yeah, you're an entrepreneur and business owner. I say, look, I didn't do the lemonade stand, I didn't do the paper route. This is an accident this way. It's a series of it's a very serious series of misfortunate events that have led me to this I have several tiny entrepreneurial endeavors from way back, so I do think I was a I do, I do think I was a natural born entrepreneur.

Alan Lazaros 16:40

yeah, in hindsight, hindsight's 2020, but anyways, what was I talking about? Exposure therapy. Yes, this person went back to school. Oh, kev, embarrassed high school. Now you post on social media. Someone calls you out. That same trigger happens, and if you don't stand up for yourself, just like you didn't in middle school or high school, you're going to stay stuck in that version of you, and that's a very real thing. You can research it, and so exposure therapy is really important. Kevin and I have exposed ourselves over and over and over again. That sounds bad on this podcast.

Kevin Palmieri 17:18

Clip that, Clip that right.

Alan Lazaros 17:21

But you know this from doing fitness shows Going to the beach is nothing after being in a panel of judges, in front of an audience. And then I did 42 photo shoots when I was a fitness model, some better than others, but you're not as concerned, it's not. I mean, I can't remember a photo shoot where there were not some photos that were just awful, where it's just brutal. So much feedback, oh my goodness, but you get over it, you do get over it.

Kevin Palmieri 17:51

You do get over it. Do you remember the time you and I dieted for a photo shoot? Kid show, all right, alan and I, alan and I diet probably a couple months, yeah, for a photo shoot. And we, alan, lived on a pond, a very beautiful home in a pond hey, we dieted we died.

Alan Lazaros 18:10

I was taking it very seriously. Yeah, I meet. Hey, me too, me too. He said a little winky face.

Kevin Palmieri 18:16

This kid comes to the house, takes a bunch of great pictures oh yeah, that was a great shoot, the great shoot.

Alan Lazaros 18:22

Kid ghosts us never heard from again to this day. Never heard from him again, never, hey man.

Kevin Palmieri 18:28

Can we get the picture? We'll pay. We're happy to pay for the pictures. Give us the raw nothing. So I was upset by that fast forward.

Alan Lazaros 18:37

Kevin, I, we diet for another photo shoot and we come in and it was. It was the worst man. Do you remember in florida when we started? And we're like, oh, we cannot do this, you gotta cancel the photo shoot. So in the modeling days and again, it's just fascinating you have to be super lean to not look terrible on camera. Basically, uh, because the camera does add, it does, it adds, and if you're not shredded you're gonna just look not great. And kevin and I were like, yeah, no, we gotta can the photo shoot, we gotta, we gotta cancel this. Uh, because we we're not, we're not in shape right now and we're gonna need to do better.

Kevin Palmieri 19:21

So anyways, I don't know though right, well, we had.

Alan Lazaros 19:24

We had a photo shoot with that photographer at the beach.

Kevin Palmieri 19:27

We ended up canceling that I really wish I could tell the story. I don't. I don't want to tell the story because it's it's kind of out there, but we we worked with a photographer who is very sketchy you remember that, yeah.

Alan Lazaros 19:41

Yeah, this is a different one. I'm talking about a different situation, yeah, that's the only one I can think of your eyes right now kevin what I can think of yeah, no, so we had. When we were in florida, we were in jacksonville, florida. Shout out to some of our listeners that are in jacksonville, alicia, what's? Happening. Don't worry, I won't give out your address. I know where you the town, I know the town. Anyways, we had. You know what I'm talking about. Now I do now.

Kevin Palmieri 20:04

Yeah, also, your wi-fi is offensively bad. So if it seems like alan's talking over me or I'm talking over him, it's because, number one, his camera is absolutely just freaking out and his wi-fi is a little bit off, so his audio and his video is kind of weird, so I can't tell when he's going to stop talking. So are we?

Alan Lazaros 20:28

good there, it is perfect I don't understand the lighting thing between you and me. Why is this happening?

Kevin Palmieri 20:36

I don't either can I tell the story real quick?

Kevin Palmieri 20:40

yeah, for sure I'll make it appropriate. I'll make it appropriate. I'll make it appropriate. This, this photographer now I really believe he had ulterior motives, naive at the time. He takes our measurements. He's like yeah, flex your right bicep, let me measure it. It's like all right, cool, yeah, whatever, man, that's fair. I'm a bodybuilder, this is nothing. I'm in my underwear all the time, it doesn't matter. And he gives me these white I don't know white compression shorts for lack of better phrasing and he says, yeah, go try these on and then kind of come out and we'll take a look. And I tried them on and you could just see right through them, just right through. And I came out and gave them to him. I said, dude, not a freaking chance. No, and also shame on you.

Alan Lazaros 21:36

Shame on you, sir.

Kevin Palmieri 21:37

So just a little, when I tell people Alan and I go way back, I mean we've been through some weird stuff together. Yeah, for sure, and that was one of them.

Alan Lazaros 21:48

That was one of them. That was one of them. The fitness modeling days were a trip.

Kevin Palmieri 21:51

42 simpler shoots simpler times it was.

At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.

Alan Lazaros 21:57

It was good nlu listener. What is happening? I just wanted to jump in here and let you know if you want to get to the next level faster. We have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month. You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. The link to register will be in the show notes. A lot of exposure therapy. Back to the point of the episode. Great job.

Alan Lazaros 22:24

Like Kev, a lot of your deepest fears have all been realized and you realize that you're okay, and so my point of that is that you do have to consistently expose it. We used to call it fear chasing. Fear is not the red light, sometimes it's the green light. A lot of people are playing not to lose instead of playing to win, and if you do want to succeed, you have to. I can't even tell you how many times before a coaching session or a meeting, or I just was on with some students.

Alan Lazaros 22:54

I'm going to go give a speech in January where I'm like I have no idea how this is going to go. I have no idea how this is going to go. I have, I'm not prepared. I don't get what this is going to be is are they? Am I supposed to know what? And I have this moment before every single thing, that I have that and I go it's going to be fine, everything's going to be fine. You can't not show up. I actually have that dialogue in my head. You can't not show up, you have to show up. So just show up, it's going to be fine. And it almost always is. I say almost, because we told a story recently where it was the worst and ultimately I think it's freeing. And again, I know that Kevin thinks I'm weird in this and I understand. So be careful.

Alan Lazaros 23:47

You, you said this before. You said if you have level two self-belief, you, you can take a level one L. So here's the, here's the formula I'm going to give it. Let's say you have level one self-belief, I want you to set a level two goal and risk a level one L. If you have level 4 self-belief, I want you to set a level 5 goal and risk a level 4 L. If you have level 10 self-belief, just go, take as many L's as you have to to stay humble and just keep going, because eventually it will work.

Alan Lazaros 24:19

I have taken a lot of losses those 42 photo shoots. I can think of maybe 15 that were world class, that I am still so. I mean, some of the photos are like I wish I still looked like that. That is unbelievable, that I remember one photo and this will probably be weird and I want to make this about me but there are moments in life where you realize you've achieved your dreams. I was with emilia the other night this is the last week and she fell asleep on my shoulder. We have the fire going and the pets are just snugging two cats and a dog and we live in the most beautiful freaking condo. I'm so grateful and it's just the best moment ever and I just thought to myself like this is unbelievable. I remember growing up in a home that was not peaceful.

Alan Lazaros 25:12

It was an absolute drama, lots of drama, and this did not exist. This is the most peaceful, wonderful thing ever and my relationship is beyond what I ever thought it could possibly be. My life is so peaceful and I have three pets. Five years ago I didn't have any pets, you know, and it's unbelievable and it's all worth it. And one more tiny story here the photo shoots 42 photo shoots. I have one photo in particular and Kevin knows what photo I'm talking about, because it's my favorite, because I remember going to the movies in 2014, seeing the Superman with Henry Cavill and he got out of the lake jacked.

Kevin Palmieri 26:00

Oh yeah, Jacked.

Alan Lazaros 26:02

And I went. I was drinking at the time, I was working in corporate, I was 160 pounds, skinny, skinny, fat, not doing fitness, letting myself go, not reaching my potential, and I had a mountain dew with captain morgan in it and I was buzzed and I was wildly unhappy, very externally successful and internally unfulfilled. And I went into the bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, dude, you have got to get it together, you can't live like this anymore. And deep down there's a part of me that knew I could be like that. Maybe not like that, but you know what I'm saying. I could be on that level.

Alan Lazaros 26:40

And years later I had one photo that I still have saved, where I was on that level and it was un-freaking-believable. And I achieved my dream and I remember visualizing I'm going to look like that and if I put up this photo that I'm talking about right next to that, a picture of him cutting out of that lake, it wouldn't be that far off and I think that's that's amazing. So, whatever it is that you want in life whether it's the emilia thing with the house and the pets, or or it's a physique or whatever like you have a dream and you're gonna have to face your fears to get to it, and when you do, you might realize that you're more capable than you thought you probably will.

Kevin Palmieri 27:27

It's almost the opposite of the law of familiarity when you are so familiar with something, you take it for granted. I think our fears are the opposite. You're so unfamiliar that you think it's way worse than it is. It's this thing where, when you don't experience it, you only have your imagination and there's one of two ways you assume it's better or worse than it actually is brother I brother I coach a pilot who is a chief pilot of 32 other pilots.

Alan Lazaros 27:55

I believe relationship docs, coaching. Shout out to you heather, she flies all day. Not all day every day, but four, five, three, however many times a week, right?

Kevin Palmieri 28:09

Way more than anyone else. Four, five, three I honestly don't know her schedule. What an interesting way to go.

Alan Lazaros 28:14

Well, I don't think they work five hour, I don't think they work five day weeks. They probably go like hard for three days and then.

Kevin Palmieri 28:21

The point is this will be not surprising to you. I have watched vlogs of pilots just to figure out, like, how do they do it?

Alan Lazaros 28:29

And I don't know, it's like nothing for them. Yeah, it's wild.

Kevin Palmieri 28:34

Just, you fly for seven hours, you go, stay in a hotel, you sleep for nine hours. You wake up, you fly back.

Alan Lazaros 28:39

It's like shout out to you. Shout out to you. That's exactly my point. They did exposure therapy so many times, for thousands of hours, that they're just not scared anymore. And if you look at the statistics, they are safe, statistically speaking, safer than cars by a significant margin. So to your point.

Alan Lazaros 28:59

You said this. You said that the law of familiarity is taking things for granted that come easy to you or that are you're around constantly. Fear is the opposite. You just are so unfamiliar with something that it's really, really scary. I mean, I saw an image of one of my clients shout out to luam she's swimming with sea turtles right now. I can't say I'd be thrilled about it in the ocean, but yet she might be afraid of some of the things that I do, right. So you got to get on the other side of that fence If it's necessary for your goals. I'm not saying to go. You know, don't go jump in a snake pit just for funsies. You don't need to chase every fear. However, if you want to be a speaker, you got to get on stage at least a little one, and then next, and then next, and then next, and ultimately you'll be blown away that your new normal is way beyond what you were once scared, petrified of.

Kevin Palmieri 29:58

I had a very similar moment recently where I was laying in bed and Taryn lays on my. She lays on my chest and falls asleep, and the cats were laying on her and I had the sound machine on, because that's the rule If she's going to lay on me, she always falls asleep. And when she falls asleep and the sound machine's not on, then I can't, then I have to wake her up and get up and it's a whole thing. So sound machine's on, I got my earplugs in, I got my mouth tape on, I'm ready to go and I'm just watching boxing on mute, just old boxing. It was amazing. It was like this is awesome, this is so awesome, and tomorrow I get to wake up and do what I love the best.

Kevin Palmieri 30:39

But all of the fears and all of the uncertainties and the things that I didn't want to face, that I've had to face, that's the stuff that gets missed. That's the stuff that gets left out. I have probably forgotten so many of the things that used to scare me just because now I'm so used to them. I'm not saying that as a flex. I'm saying that as I probably am forgetting valuable things, I could say, because I don't think about them anymore. Just like same for you out there. If you're a parent, you're probably not that worried about being a parent anymore. If you've been a parent for long enough, right, I'd be losing my mind if I just had a little one.

Alan Lazaros 31:16

Yeah, this is not talked about enough. The fear thing it. Maybe it's overly simple, maybe it's not sexy, because what holds us back? Fear, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of speaking, fear of podcasting, fear of social media, fear of embarrassment, fear of judgment. There's no one out there who's not afraid. I've. This will be the last thing. I say that, 50 times I've been saying this on other podcasts and I always get a laugh.

Kevin Palmieri 31:45

So hopefully, you just set yourself. Laugh for me. You just set yourself up, I did yeah, now I'm screwed.

Alan Lazaros 31:51

Two types of people in the world people who are afraid and liars. So there you go. He's laughing at me or with me it's either way, I will take it.

Kevin Palmieri 32:02

It's you just abandon it at the end. You're just like I can't. Just going to get it over with. It's just going to be a pity laugh now at this point. Just going to get it over with.

Alan Lazaros 32:11

But I think that's true. We are not afraid of the same things. That needs to be very, very clear, because some people are actually afraid of success. There are people out there that are afraid they're too good of a speaker good of a speaker, or too. There are people I know that feel like they're too attractive and they trigger everybody sexually and or you know, if it's the same sex, envy the envy thing and stuff like that, so they'll purposely not doll up because of. So just understand no one's not afraid. We're just afraid of different things. And if you can figure out what you're afraid of and then do the exposure therapy, you will realize your central nervous system will learn that you're not. You're not going to die, most likely.

Kevin Palmieri 32:49

Yeah.

Alan Lazaros 32:49

So don't be reckless Disclaimer, like some things are actually dangerous. That isn't we, you know. Be safe.

Kevin Palmieri 32:56

If you're afraid of jumping out of a plane without a parachute, it's probably a good fear to have. Yes, that one's good, that one's that one makes sense that one, makes sense that one.

Kevin Palmieri 33:04

That one makes sense for sure. Yeah, same, same. And you know what? And we'll get out of here right after I say this You're not just swimming with turtles, you're swimming with turtles and everything else that inhabit the same water that turtles do. Just because you can only see the turtles doesn't mean that's all, that's there. That's all I'm saying. Super fast story. How fast would you say?

Alan Lazaros 33:28

A minute. You think yeah, okay, I'll go quick. I'll go quick with it. I trust you. I trust you. Emilia was telling me she Went to the Great Barrier Reef. That is what it's called. Yes, yeah, that she was very disappointed, because it is no longer.

Kevin Palmieri 33:46

I tell that story all the time on other podcasts all the time. But core values.

Alan Lazaros 33:51

Core values. Core values, nice, yeah. So her core, yeah, core value of the environment. But on that trip they scuba dived at night. And by they I mean people that were with her and they're going down and she's watching. Because she was like, nope, smart, I'm not kidding, you can see the flashlights right Getting dimmer because they're going down, see something huge, swim right over the light. And she was like I'm so glad I didn't go.

Alan Lazaros 34:28

Huge, imagine seeing your friends scuba diving down and you see the lights, the flashlights no and then you see a massive shark, whale, slash whatever, swim to where you don't see the lights, and then the lights are back. No hard pass at night.

Kevin Palmieri 34:43

Certain things that just don't need to be done. Yeah, so that was my minute. Don't see the lights, and then the lights are back. Hard pass At night. Certain things that just don't need to be done.

Alan Lazaros 34:48

Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri 34:49

So that was my minute. That was probably a minute too. I actually forgot. Now, see, that was such an engaging story that I literally forgot about the timer. Well, that's because you're scared of the ocean, triggered you. I saw a video of evidently, think, evidently, in the navy you get like one day every so often where you just you get to swim in the middle of the freaking ocean. No, I don't know if you could pay me any. I don't think I could do it. I don't think I could do it Just like. Just like when Taryn and I went and we eloped in Colorado, we were supposed to do a hot air balloon and the night before I was just sweating in bed. I was like, I don't think I can do it.

Kevin Palmieri 35:37

I honestly don't. I don't know if I'm physically capable of going that far outside my comfort zone. Luckily there was a storm and it got canceled. That might have been the end of the marriage.

Alan Lazaros 35:47

You manifested a storm.

Kevin Palmieri 35:48

I swear to you. I was like, please get canceled. I need some storm, I need some wind and some rain to come whipping through here. I'm not going to be able to do this and this is going to become a point of contention in my marriage, because I said I was going to do it. I can't do it. I physically don't think I can do it, and then I was so happy that it happened. Unfortunately, we got our money back too, which was nice, all right. Next Level Nation if you're looking for a group of like-minded humans who are into growth, I know it's weird to talk about getting outside of your comfort zone around certain people and ego and relationships and evolution and limiting beliefs and all that stuff. In Next Level Nation, it's always going to be cool because that's what this entire community is built on. So we'll have the link in the show notes for that.

Alan Lazaros 36:33

I just got another client at twice a week Shout out to you, cole, what's happening. Brother, and I am so, so, so pumped. So goals, metrics, habits, skills, identity making sure all of those are aligned is how you achieve your goals. And a lot of us are setting goals that are not predicated on who we really are, and some of us are going outside of alignment with who we are in order to achieve those goals. So either you're going to hit the goal and be unfulfilled, or you're not going to hit the goal because what is required of you is outside of your comfort zone or maybe on the other side of fear. Let me help you with that. It's my favorite work in the world and I am going to help you strategize either twice a week, weekly, biweekly or monthly, and we'll track metrics and habits. We'll keep you on track. Reach out.

Alan Lazaros 37:24

Tracking keeps you on track Wiser words have never been spoken when other podcasters ask me what's made the biggest difference. I always say habit tracking. Is that you too?

Kevin Palmieri 37:36

I say, I usually say it's mostly my strategic thinking and long-term thinking. I think that has gotten us here. Never, not a minute, goes by where I'm not thinking about the future, so I think that's a real big piece of it. No, I always say I always say habit, habit tracking. Habit tracking and extreme humility I would say those are the really two that have got me here it's mostly kevin's intelligence.

Alan Lazaros 38:01

I always, I always say habit tracking.

Kevin Palmieri 38:03

I say, imagine waking up tomorrow and knowing exactly what you should do in order to get to where you want to go. Yeah, that's, that's the biggest, that's the biggest difference. I don't ever question what I should be doing, and that's a. That level of clarity is a privilege, and it's something Alan can help you get. Good Thank you.

Alan Lazaros 38:17

I yeah, I was with a client today that I've been coaching for years and we we just revamped his whole. He just got clarity about a new potential, future and new brand and we just revamped his entire metrics and habits. So, even two years in, there's still tweaks that can change everything.

Outro

Kevin Palmieri 38:38

There's always tweaks. All right, we're going to get out of here. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU, we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros 38:48

Stay on track. Next level nation.

Kevin Palmieri 38:52

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros 38:59

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri 39:08

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.