Do You Feel Wanted? (1917)

Uncover the delicate harmony between standing out and fitting in! In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore feeling wanted, valued, and truly belonging. Through heartfelt stories and practical insights, they reveal how these emotions impact relationships and self-worth. Learn how to evaluate your connections and take actionable steps to create deeper, more fulfilling bonds.

Links mentioned:
Subscribe -  https://www.buzzsprout.com/742955/share
Free-30 Minute Coaching Call with Alan - https://bit.ly/4f3MSUz

______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://bit.ly/3BQBYDr
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:09) Exploring the question: Do you feel wanted?
(4:10) The triad of significance, belonging, and feeling wanted
(12:34) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching. https://bit.ly/4eE5RF5
(16:03) Why finding your community is vital for personal growth
(21:16) Reflecting on internal growth versus external achievements
(22:42) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Kevin Palmieri 0:00

This is why it's so important to get out and find your people, because if you go, do you know where you're going to feel wanted? When you go to a place where people want what you want and you're ahead of them, you will feel wanted. You most likely will feel significant. One of the reasons my significance is so high is because I get to talk to podcasters all the time.

Alan Lazaros 0:20

And I think that significance comes from being special or unique or extremely good at something, and I think belonging actually comes from being at the. If you look at a bell curve, the majority of the population is in the center. I think belonging comes from fitting in in the center and being more average. And I think significance usually comes from being way, way, way, way, way above average or way way way below average.

Kevin Palmieri 0:47

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros 0:52

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri 0:55

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros 1:01

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri 1:08

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros 1:24

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri 1:30

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1917, do you feel wanted? So I want to give a shout out to the ladies over at Evolve Ventures. They have a Facebook group as well and in their Facebook group Bianca posted a question that got a lot of really deep answers and the question was do you feel wanted?

Kevin Palmieri 2:09

And I was on a podcast the other day and I was talking to the host about how I I kind of have always had a really small circle and now more than ever, my circle is just very, very small and I'm open to expanding it, but it's not really a circle. And now more than ever, my circle is just very, very small and I'm open to expanding it, but it's not really a requirement, it's not really a necessity and it's not really something I'm focused on. And I think, at the deepest level, it's because I feel like I get so much significance from what I get to do every day. I genuinely do feel wanted, energetically, whatever that means, and we can go into that, and then I feel very expressed and I wonder if the significance wants an expression. There's something within that, because I don't. I mean, I've had opportunities. I was working out one day and I was in the boxing gym and there was this kid in there who likes boxing, is a huge mixed martial arts fan and literally has a tattoo of one of my favorite musical artists and we're buddies and we could definitely hang out. But I left there saying, oh, that kid was really cool, not okay, I could really use another friend and I don't know if that's unique to me. I don't know if that's weird. I don't know. I've always been very weird when it comes to relationships. That's my disclaimer.

Kevin Palmieri 3:39

But I imagine if you're watching or listening and you don't feel wanted, maybe you don't know why you don't feel wanted. Is it that you don't feel valued? Is it that you don't feel significant? Is it that you don't feel like people care what's going on? Is it that you don't feel significant? Is it that you don't feel like people care what's going on? Is it that you don't feel like you fit in? What is underneath feeling wanted? At the end of the day? That is my goal to explore in today's episode.

Alan Lazaros 4:02

This might not have been the direction you want to take it in.

The triad of significance, belonging, and feeling wanted

Kevin Palmieri 4:05

Never is my friend, it never is 12 minutes and 26 seconds.

Alan Lazaros 4:10

Here we go. I was thinking about this earlier. I was thinking about belonging and significance, and let's add, wanted into that. Do you feel I'm going to ask you? But I want all the listeners thinking about them, not you. Do you feel significant? Zero to 10. Zero to 10.

Kevin Palmieri 4:32

Can you explain it? What's the definition?

Alan Lazaros 4:34

Yeah, significant means unique, special, like you matter. Yeah, like you really matter. Ten.

Kevin Palmieri 4:46

Nice.

Alan Lazaros 4:47

Okay, okay, do you feel like you belong?

Kevin Palmieri 4:53

Yes, and.

Alan Lazaros 4:55

Oh, that one. He didn't ask me to define that one, that one, that means you know that one.

Kevin Palmieri 4:59

Well, no, I know what significant means too, but what Can you?

Alan Lazaros 5:01

define it.

Kevin Palmieri 5:02

Yeah Well, can you define belong? I don't know if I can To fit in. You feel like you fit in, yeah.

Alan Lazaros 5:08

I feel like you fit in. You feel like you fit in. Yeah, I feel like you fit in. You feel like you're one row, row, all right.

Kevin Palmieri 5:13

Yeah, you, you if I didn't have nlu and we didn't have the team and we didn't have the community, it wouldn't be nearly as high.

Alan Lazaros 5:23

But I would say 10 day to day 10 nice, and then do you feel wanted, which I think is sought after. That's my unique definition.

Alan Lazaros 5:34

It's sought after meaning you are, you are wanted weird metaphor but that's probably not the best freaking example. When nfts were big, there were certain nfts that were very uh, coveted is a is a word. Coveted means everyone wants that car. So your car, the bmw there was only one left and it was very coveted. Needed, yeah, okay, yeah, wanted you really. How bad did you want that car? Okay, do you feel like people really want you? And that can be intimate, that can be beyond that. That sought after.

Kevin Palmieri 6:08

I think sought after is a good frame I feel like that one's probably the lowest, the lowest, and I also don't expect it to be any higher. That's weird, is it? Is that strange?

Alan Lazaros 6:27

it's. I think weird is the wrong word. I I should have used interesting. I think it's interesting because there's something to that that means.

Kevin Palmieri 6:35

I'm not going to turn this into a coaching session but I think that means something.

Kevin Palmieri 6:38

If you do, you do. I feel very centered. I feel very centered in the I don't. I said this on a podcast the other day. You've heard me say this Next Elevation. You've heard me say this many times on a podcast the other day, and you've heard me say this Next Level Nation. You've heard me say this many times.

Kevin Palmieri 6:53

I don't think I should be more successful than I am. I think I'm exactly as successful as I should be, based on the amount of effort that I've put in and the things that I knew and the things that I didn't, and whatever. I feel the same. I feel exactly as wanted as I probably should, based on all the things that I've done, all the things that I've done. I think that's how I try to, because, if it's, if I'm being very honest and vulnerable, I do think that we are Able to add more value than most people realize. That is my truth.

Kevin Palmieri 7:23

I know a lot about speaking. I know a lot about coaching. I know a lot about podcasting. I know a lot about fitness. I know a lot about relationships. There's a lot of stuff that I know a lot about fitness. I know a lot about relationships, like, there's a lot of stuff that I know a lot of stuff about. Do I know everything? No, I don't know everything about anything, but I know a lot about a lot of stuff. So I think Maybe your Ability to feel wanted Is directly connected to how much you know and how much you want people to know that you know About something, At least in this specific example.

Alan Lazaros 7:51

Well, if you connected to how much you know and how much you want people to know that you know about something, at least in this specific example well, if you, if you know a lot more, so, for example in podcasting, I would say that you can probably help people with their podcast more than they think you can. Yeah, I would say so, and in business I feel that way, but also in life, I. But that. That's the coaching piece. So I feel like I can help people achieve their goals and dreams at a much higher degree Than they could ever think that I could. And again, as arrogant as that might come off. So let's go back to the three. So you've got zero to ten. How significant do you feel? You said ten. Zero to ten. Belonging you said 10. Yeah, 0 to 10. Belonging, 10. You said 10. Can you give me not the same numbers? So is it 9.9? Which one's the 9.9?

Kevin Palmieri 8:42

Probably belonging to 9.9.

Alan Lazaros 8:43

Okay, so 10 is significant 9.9 for belonging. And then wanted would be the lesser of the three, probably like an eight okay, so for every listener out there, answer those same questions, and then let's go into what that might mean. So for me, significance of 10 for sure belonging is not high at all, and the reason why I bring this up is earlier I was thinking to myself you almost have to optimize for one, not the other, because significant comes from being unique, fitting in, comes from being a part of the crowd.

Kevin Palmieri 9:23

Well, significance can also come from having something that people long for.

Alan Lazaros 9:29

Yeah, these are all connected.

Kevin Palmieri 9:31

There's a. Again, this is just a character study. I'm not saying this to judge, but this is just a character study. There's somebody that I used to follow that you and I knew. You and I knew this person personally and they're into fitness and they do a lot of fitness content and every single one of their thumbnails on Instagram is them bending over with their cleavage out Every single one of them Every time. Now that probably works really well. So I'm not saying this is the only reason they're doing it, but I'm willing to bet that that person gets significance from their body. I'm not making that wrong. I was the guy who, again, if there was a spill of any kind at a party, my shirt was off before the cup even got all the way over. So I am somebody who but you craved significance.

Kevin Palmieri 10:21

Yeah, yeah, but that's how I know, that's how I guess that when I see somebody doing a similar behavior, they're probably doing the same thing. So again, I'm not making that wrong. It's just, it's just an explanation of to me that person is getting significance from that. It doesn't necessarily mean uniqueness. It means something that's valuable and desired.

Alan Lazaros 10:45

And then the there's a rabbit hole of how are you meeting each of these? So where are they at, where are they headed, at what rate? But I think belonging and significance are the tough ones to have both. And for that example of that person that you're thinking of, if I'm thinking of that person, they're not going to feel a large sense of belonging when they're around a group of other women, because this person is extremely fit and not doesn't fit in at all in that she's way on the high end of the statistical bell curve of fitness. But not only that, but cleavage for lack of a better phrasing, the and I've I've talked to a lot of women that are that are extremely, extremely, extremely Gorgeous and, and a lot of times they don't feel a lot of belonging around other women because there's the, you know, jealousy or whatever, I don't know.

Alan Lazaros 11:39

But I'm fascinated by this triad of Significance belonging and feeling wanted, because I feel a low amount of belonging but yet a lot of being wanted. It's almost like I don't feel like I fit in and I don't feel like a lot of people like me. I don't feel likable but yet I feel super sought after, even by people who I don't even think like me, which is a whole nother thing. But I feel tons of significance and I think that significance comes from being like special or unique or extremely good at something, and I think belonging actually comes from being at the. If you look at a bell curve, the majority of the population is in the center. I think belonging comes from fitting in in the center and being more average, and I think significance usually comes from being way, way, way, way, way above average or way, way, way below average.

Kevin Palmieri 12:34

Next level nation. What is happening? If you've thought to yourself, I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes and we would love to see you there so if you have 500 tattoos, you're way, way above the average tattoos.

Alan Lazaros 13:23

So you probably feel significant, but you might not feel a lot of belonging and, again, this is all I mean. That's probably a bad example, but for everyone out there watching or listening, I don't think that's a bad example.

Kevin Palmieri 13:33

You, if you go to a tattoo convention, you're going to feel the most belonging probably ever because it's valued there.

Kevin Palmieri 13:40

That's why remember real quick. I'm sorry to interrupt. We went to Brendan Burchard's event one time and when we came back I did a video in my bed. I think it was like that night and I said one of the most interesting things about going to an event is when you go to an event you get a lanyard that has your name on it and that lanyard essentially gives you the excuse to talk to every other person in that room, in the bathroom, at the coffee stand, but the second you take the lanyards off, you don't have that permission anymore, because it's almost like it's not. You don't have the permission and you don't belong anymore. It's this really weird. It's this really weird thing. So I just wanted to add that, because that's kind of the the frame you were going.

Alan Lazaros 14:24

Let's do this. So we did a event at a place called margaritaville on the ocean in hollywood beach, florida. It was on the 11th floor. The speakers feel significant, the people with the lanyards feel belonging and I don't know, maybe the person selling something feels wanted or whatever. But I remember Margaritaville. That was really cool study for me because everyone who's at Margaritaville is on vacation and they were there to party and or enjoy themselves and relax.

Alan Lazaros 14:58

We did a self-improvement event at that hotel. So anyone with the lanyard came in for a very different purpose. And I remember thinking to myself these purposes are very much in conflict. When I talk to anyone at the hotel, they don't want to talk about self-improvement whatsoever. Yet everyone at that event was all about, and passionate about, purpose and self-improvement and self-awareness and all that stuff. So the contrast between the people at that event versus the people there, the the context of the room, was so drastically different.

Why finding your community is vital for personal growth

Alan Lazaros 15:28

You go to margaritaville this is the way I said it back then you go to margaritaville to escape your life. We created an event on how to redesign a life you love and it was just wild how much those two coexisted in that hotel at that day and that's a really powerful, I think frame to look from when it comes to significance, belonging and being wanted. But if nothing else, for everyone listening, leave I hope you leave this episode rating yourself on those three, because for me significance is a 10, belonging is very low. With emilia I feel at 10 out of 10, but belonging is typically fairly low and then wanted is 10 as well, very high this.

Kevin Palmieri 16:03

I think this is a good lesson and this is a through line of everything we've ever talked about. Essentially, this is why it's so important to get out and find your people, because if you go, do you know where you're going to feel wanted? When you go to a place where people want, do you know where you're going to feel wanted? When you go to a place where people want what you want and you're ahead of them, you will feel wanted. You most likely will feel significant. One of the reasons my significance is so high is because I get to talk to podcasters all the time and 99, 100 times out of 100, we're ahead in some way, shape or form. We have more episodes. I've done, as of today, I've done 3,002 episodes. I crossed the 3,000 episode mark.

Alan Lazaros 16:43

Today I showed one of my new clients showed it to Tiff. I showed her your tracker and the reason I did this is I said I know we've got to jump. I said now keep in mind before I show you this, he started with five habits and even then he was like screw this.

Kevin Palmieri 16:59

Yeah, it was terrible.

Alan Lazaros 17:00

And now it's what? Nine metrics and 19 habits or something. Your tracker's awesome. I appreciate it. I called you a machine. He's an effing machine. 3,000 episodes we crossed.

Kevin Palmieri 17:10

Yeah, it's wild. It's wild, but when I'm talking to podcasters, I feel wanted and I feel significant and I feel like I belong because those are my people. Yeah, when, when I was doing bodybuilding, I felt wanted because I was in really good shape, I felt significant because I had what people valued and I felt like I belonged because that was. Those are my people.

Alan Lazaros 17:36

I hope our community creates this 100% Feeling significant, wanted and belonging around self-improvement. Or whatever Holistic self-improvement, whatever, dream chasing, yeah, I don't care if it's about self-improvement, because maybe for you it's gardening and that's your jam.

Kevin Palmieri 17:59

I don't expect you to do it the same way. We've done it right, but I think there's something to that. That's why the community that you have around you is either feeding you or bleeding you, because they're either trying to take you away from those things, not even intentionally, or being around them helps you lean into those things more and more. Last thing, and then we'll get out of here On. I always say this on the team when people, when new people, come on the team and Alan does a call, I do a call and Christina does a call with them, I always say just be very, very careful, because on this team we are going to lift you so high and so fast and you're never, nobody is ever, going to look down on you for talking positively about about yourself.

Kevin Palmieri 18:43

It won't happen, it's not even allowed. We won't. I don't. I want you to talk positively about yourself Now. I'm not saying from an ego driven, entitled place. I'm saying, if you do something really well, I want you to own that. In our community that's allowed, that is suggested, that is desired, that is the preference. In other communities, you go on Facebook and you talk about how awesome you are because you've exercised every day for over a thousand days. Oh, it doesn't work at all. It doesn't necessarily work.

Kevin Palmieri 19:12

You're not really allowed to talk about it, but if you went into like a, an ultra iron man group and you posted that I'm willing to bet you get a lot of love like everything's contextual, everything is contextual. So that is my. That's the last thing I'll say before we get out here. It was fire. It was a great episode. I am a, g.

Alan Lazaros 19:31

Well, you're not allowed to say that, so I can say it here of course, unless you're listening and you hate me.

Alan Lazaros 19:37

Please don't hate me, please don't hate me and then I won't feel like I belong anymore. You know what? The worst part about all this is the very last thing. We all want to feel significant, wanted and and a sense of belonging, and it's very challenging to have all three of those simultaneously. Very, very difficult.

Alan Lazaros 19:59

A lot of the things that I love most about myself, no one else cares about that. I've not taken a full day off in 10 years. No one cares. If anything. They're like good for you. My work ethic is something I value, but most people don't value work ethic as much as I do, of course, otherwise they also would do that. So the more significant you become in one narrow area, the more unique you are in one narrow area, the less belonging you have, and usually it's it's hard to have all three. That's what I would say is usually. Usually you have two out of three and it's it's like every triad we've ever created. There's one that you're really good at, I would say for me, I've always felt very significant. There's one that you're really good at, I would say for me, I've always felt very significant. There's one that you're decent at which would be wanted.

Kevin Palmieri 20:39

And then the third one is probably the one you're not very good at, which is belonging, I feel like for most of my life I wasn't good at most of them. I guess in an arena fitness I felt good, but outside of fitness I was like, eh, I'm just going to go to the gym.

Alan Lazaros 20:53

You didn't feel wanted belonging or significant.

Kevin Palmieri 20:57

No, yeah, yeah no, it's a dark place. That's why I assumed in my mid-20s, when I made a boatload of money, I was super jacked and I had a hot girlfriend, everything would fix itself. I would have all the things I'd be wanted, I'd be significant, I'd feel significant.

Alan Lazaros 21:16

And I'd feel like I belong Wrong-o, wrong-o, kev, you gotta do some internal work, son Alright, next up on the nation.

Kevin Palmieri 21:23

If you want to make sure you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever to the 10th power, miss an opportunity to get to the next level, make sure you are subscribed on whatever platform you're watching or listening on. We are doing video on Spotify, as well as audio, or video on YouTube. We're on Apple. We're watching or listening on. We are doing video on Spotify, as well as audio. We're video on YouTube. We're on Apple. We're on all the apps. So whatever works best for you and it also helps us find more people like you. That's really the goal. That's why we do this. We want to impact as many people as humanly possible, and if you know someone who wants to get to the next level and they would resonate with Alan and I let them know.

Alan Lazaros 21:56

Many times in my life, people have said, ah, you're a little coachy, maybe not to my face, but behind my back. Well, it turns out I'm a coach and I adore it. So if you want someone to pour into your life, help you achieve your goals, metrics, habits, skills, identity there is a reason. You're not achieving more and you are capable of more than you are achieving right now. That that's mathematically true. You are not hitting your potential yet. If you want help, I've helped a lot of people reach their goals and dreams and it's my favorite thing in the world. And Actually it's the end of the year now and I'm getting a lot of awesome messages from my clients saying like thank you so much and I've achieved this, this, this because they're looking at the beginning of the year versus the end of the year and we've achieved a lot. So it's pretty awesome and if you want in, please just reach out.

Outro

Kevin Palmieri 22:40

The first one is free as always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Talk to you soon. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros 23:01

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri 23:09

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.