Next Level University

It’s Usually Not What You Think It Is (1919)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan dive into the deeper reasons behind our biggest fears—like the fear of being judged or feeling like an imposter. They’ll share how asking better questions can help you uncover the root of your struggles and tap into your unique strengths. If you’ve ever felt stuck or insecure about showing up as your true self, this conversation will inspire you to embrace your individuality and take confident action.

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Show notes:
(1:52) What “surface-level” problems often hide
(4:03) The gold is buried where you least want to dig
(7:11) What stops us from taking action
(12:56) Owning who you truly are
(19:40) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(27:20) What’s the one thing you’re afraid is true?
(29:02) How to have deep, honest conversations about yourself
(35:32) How small daily improvements change your life
(36:37) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

if you don't start now, it's going to get drastically harder Because you're getting better and you're becoming more confident and you're less relatable than you used to be. You're afraid of people calling you out or you're afraid of people being negative. It's going to happen more if you don't start now and your skin's not going to be very thick. I said you have to trust that you have enough proof that, even if somebody does reach out, you can handle it.

Alan Lazaros

Now you can improve from that place and get smarter. Versus I'm going to pretend I'm smart and then every time I'm in a room with smart people, be insecure that I'm not as smart, and then not raise my hand and not. You know, it's almost like we're all trying to be different than our nature. Our essence and your essence is great. It's just different than maybe what you originally thought you wanted.

Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

We bring you a new episode every single day, on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

What “surface-level” problems often hide

Alan Lazaros

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,919. It's usually not what you think it is. Somebody booked a call with me because they wanted to go over sales. Alan Never thought I'd be saying that in two trillion years Anybody would want to talk to me about sales, considering at one point in my life I paid $1 thousand dollars to get out of my job. That was because I hated sales and was also terrible at it.

Kevin Palmieri

But somebody wanted to talk about sales and I said, all right, what are your thoughts? And they said, well, I have this thing that I want to. I want to get people to get into. It's something that's really good for them, it's free, it's something that's valuable. And I said, all right, cool.

Kevin Palmieri

I said I think the biggest issue you're having right now is you're not posting on social media. And I said so, let's talk about that a little bit, because I know who you are and I know you're this person and I know you value this and I know you have skills in this and I know all of that, but nobody else does. And, honestly, that's the problem. The problem is nobody knows you to the depth that you want them to know you at, and they don't know you value the same things that they do. So this isn't a conversation about sales. This is a conversation about you posting on social media to start.

Kevin Palmieri

And we had a really good talk and we dug and we dug and we dug and eventually we got to the place where he realized that he has a very deep fear of imposter syndrome, or he has a very. I guess he's dealing with imposter syndrome and he has a very deep fear that somebody is going to call him out. Very similar to what happened to me when somebody called me out and said, hey, why do you have the credentials to coach other people Even though that ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me because it wasn't in a negative way and we got to the end of the call and he said, yeah, I didn't expect it to go this way, I thought it was going to go in a different way and I said, well, you, you're into self-improvement, you know this. At the end of the day, it's always something deeper underneath. If, if it's a conversation about consistency, it's usually something deeper. If it's a conversation about relationships, it's usually something I mean there's just very rarely is it the surface level thing that needs to be shifted. Very rarely is it the surface level thing that needs to be shifted. The surface level thing is something that, you see, Maybe that's the symptom, but the cause of it is usually much deeper. So, essentially, that's the podcast in a nutshell. That's why we talk about the things we do, because I don't know.

Kevin Palmieri

It's easy to say, well, I'm afraid of sales, or I don't like sales, or I don't like posting on social media. Right, this, this, this. And then there's okay, why, why? Why? Well, my family. I don't want my family to see my social media posts. Okay, why? Because my family's the type of family that would make fun of me. Okay's where all the gold is buried, as they say.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, the gold is buried where you least want to dig as the quote goes.

Kevin Palmieri

I've heard it, I've heard of it. Who was it that said it?

Alan Lazaros

I actually think that might be mine, jeff Lazarus, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

Wise guy. It's actually Jeffrey to you, jeffrey. Yes, my apologies, I came up with a name. I think I should be able to call you the shortened name Sure.

Alan Lazaros

Thank you. We haven't shared that story in a long time. We should.

Kevin Palmieri

Oh boy, Okay, Back when we used to record at Alan's mother's house. Alan was usually fashionably late. Sometimes he would be in the shower.

Kevin Palmieri

Who knows, sometimes I'd show up and he'd be doing a workout in the front yard. Who knows, right, it could be anything, but I would always text him I'm here Because he would have to come out and get me. And then eventually after a while I got the key to the studio and I could just go into the studio. But one time I texted him I am Jeff. It auto-corrected from here to Jeff. He said I am also Jeff, and then from there on it was Jeff is our thing. I said that to someone on a call the other day. I said I'm out here Jeffing, and they're not in the NLU community.

Alan Lazaros

I said that means to mess up just so you know, because I'm sure you don't know what that means I always say and for anyone with children in the room, earmuffs I always say, instead of Jeffin, or I'm sorry, instead of saying I'm fucking up, it's, I'm out here, jeffin.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, I didn't want to say that I didn't know this person that well.

Alan Lazaros

Okay, well, because F-in Jeffin, yeah, I understand.

Kevin Palmieri

Definitely this was the first time I ever met this person.

Alan Lazaros

Oh, okay.

Kevin Palmieri

So I wasn't going to say let me tell you a little story. Hey, thank you so much for booking this call. Let me tell you a little story. Let me tell you a little story. It wasn't time. Instead of effing up we're out here jeffing up.

Alan Lazaros

We're out here jeffing up. We're jeffing up this episode always all right.

Alan Lazaros

So goals, metrics, habits you could always tell when I'm stressed out. You can always tell when I'm stressed out, when I go okay. So let's unpack this goals, metrics, habits, skills, identity. Identity is the bottom. Yeah, I go from top down. So you have a goal you want to achieve, you have metrics you track to keep you on track, you have habits you do daily and then you have skills you need to develop Awesome. But when you're not doing those things, once that's all in alignment it always comes down to identity, and identity is always self-concept. Identity is, if you've ever seen Inside Out, the second one, inside Out 2. She has this tree of spoiler alert, this tree of core memories good, bad, ugly that create this sort of identity, this self-concept.

Alan Lazaros

And usually and this is the thing that you mentioned the surface of I'm not posting on social media. That's a symptom of a deeper thing. The reason why you're not posting on social media is not just because you don't like social media. There's a reason you don't like social media. Okay, then you go deeper. What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? I did this with a client earlier. I actually did this with two different clients earlier and we did the? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? And usually, when you get to the root, because we all want to change the fruit we want a better body, better business, financial freedom, success, and we want to be in love, we want to be in shape. But the root cause of why we aren't is usually far deeper, and the question that I'm trying to articulate lately is what's the one thing that you know deep down is true, but you're afraid, is true. That question usually gets you pretty close to the root.

Alan Lazaros

So I have a, a client of mine, who is extreme, has a very, very, very high iq 730 math sat, brilliant math genius in some ways. Brilliant math genius in some ways. And a 730 math sat for those of you who don't know is like it's top one percent, top five percent, if not higher, probably top one percent, honestly. And so he thinks really long term. He thinks very strategically. Him and I get along great. But he is realizing that his relationship with his intelligence is not positive because it disconnects him from other people, and so I can speak on his behalf, which is really freaking cool because I'm doing this anonymously. But essentially what's happening is he's smarter than almost everyone in his life, and the people that he's smarter than don't think rationally.

Alan Lazaros

And we got into the root. We did. What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? And I can actually say some of this stuff. Then I know he wouldn't mind because it's anonymous, but I think this is really powerful and for anyone out there who's saying in their head oh, it must be so hard to be so smart. Really, take a second and realize that every good thing comes with a bad thing and every bad thing comes with a good thing, and that's just the nature of life. So let me pull this up. Okay. So, let me pull this up. Okay, here we go. Okay.

Alan Lazaros

So 2024 lessons about true self. That's where we started. He gave me the top three. I'm trying to think of what I can and can't share here. Okay, one of them is I'm not as good with people as I thought. Another one is I am way more intelligent than I thought. You would think that'd be a good thing. I said okay, what do each of these mean? There's another one that is kind of funny I am lazy and also addicted to productivity simultaneously. That's another one. What do each of these mean? Number one my nature Is lazy, but my conditioning is to achieve, and he used a metaphor of a hobbit. Number two people are less rational than I realized and Rational explanations don't work. Just kev, so You're aware. When I was growing up, I had no idea that rational explanations don't work I had no clue, like what's, what do you?

Kevin Palmieri

can you give me one? Yeah?

Alan Lazaros

um, remember how you kind of make fun of oh well, I don't believe in myself and and people would say, well, just believe in yourself more. You would make fun of that. I think I might have been Saying things like that oh, you just gotta believe in yourself more. It's like oh, thank you so much. It's almost like Let me give you a rational explanation. Okay, you should go to the gym Consistently, because if you exercise consistently, you're gonna have better brain health. And if you have better brain health, you'll live a higher quality of life. And if you live a higher quality of life, you'll be more fulfilled. That's a very rational, logical. Therefore, ergo, you should go exercise every day.

Owning who you truly are

Alan Lazaros

But how many people actually exercise every day, even though that is optimal and that is rational, it doesn't matter, because the reason they aren't exercising daily is a deep core to the point of this episode, which isn't rational. It's emotional, is a deep core to the point of this episode, which isn't rational, it's emotional. Okay, so he said, what does this mean? Uh, my nature is more like a Hobbit and my conditioning is to achieve. People are less rational than I realized and rational explanations don't work, and then I am way more alone than I realized that's the big one Whoa. And I feel that way too. You're just so alone, because if you think hyper-rational and no one else does, you feel very alone. So what does that mean? That means people won't love the real me. What does that mean? I can never be my true self. What does that mean? That I'm living a lie and I didn't even know it. What does that mean I'm not living true to myself. What does that mean I'm not living up to my true potential. What does that mean I'm not grateful for my gifts? So every single one of the people watching or listening as scary as all of this is, every rationalization that you have for why you're not consistent or you're not achieving, or you're not in love or you're not, all of it comes down to a core self-concept identity that hasn't unlocked yet. So what's the one thing about you that you wish wasn't true that you haven't accepted yet?

Alan Lazaros

His is that he's basically smarter than 99 of all human beings and he hasn't fully accepted and owned that. And until he does, he won't actually overcome it, because he hasn't admitted how alone he feels until recently, and that's why this is so heavy. But once he admits that, now he can actually be his true self and actually create authentic relationships and actually fall in love and and and I think in many ways he is in love. So I don't want to say that he's not, but that, for me, was one of my cores too is basically, if I don't own the fact that I actually am smarter than most people and more rational than most people, I basically won't lean into it, basically won't lean into it and therefore I won't ever reach my true potential. And the truth is, is this person I'm referring to? He does have higher potential than most people. That's just the truth.

Kevin Palmieri

But he doesn't want to admit that because that disconnects him from others I was on a call with somebody the other day and it was it's a great call. This is one of the clients that I'm again a podcast coach. But we don't ever talk about podcasting, almost ever just talk about life and deep stuff. And they said you know, I think it's time for me to to fire my assistant. And I said, all right, what's what's stopping us? And she kind of went through the list and I said, cool, so let's play, sell me on why you should keep them. Like, let's do that, sell me on why you should keep them. And she's like I got nothing yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

So we know, we know it's it's, we know it's time. Now I think that's a for sure, that's a really good yeah for sure, and just an amazing, just an amazing human. But that it none of it was logic. Logically, she knew well, this isn't getting done. This isn't getting done. It's only gonna take. It's not to take me that much longer, but deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper. I literally said to her at the beginning of the call. I said what I said my goal with you is to be the best at holding space. And she started laughing and I said I'm serious, that's really what I do. I hold space and then I'd redirect. I hold space, redirect. Yeah, the reason you're good at that is because you've been doing that for me. Well, I know, and it's, and it's the same thing where I said I it's not. I'm not giving you answers that you don't know, I'm just letting you say them out loud yeah, which, by the way?

Alan Lazaros

how many people can she be her full self with? It's? It's probably not that. Yeah, I think she.

Kevin Palmieri

She thinks it's higher than it is, but you don't. That's the interesting thing. Not only is this person that you were talking about again I don't know, because I don't coach them but not only are they more logical anytime somebody says people are less blank, and you are more blank than the average person, which makes the difference even more. And I was talking to this person today on the sales call, quote, unquote. I said I mean this with love. I said do you mind if I fuck you up with the truth real quick?

Alan Lazaros

And he said yeah, yeah give it to me.

Kevin Palmieri

And I said you sharing on social media is not going to get easier if you don't start now. It's gonna get drastically harder Because you're getting better and you're becoming more confident and you're being. You're less relatable than you used to be, you're afraid of people calling you out or you're afraid of people being negative. It's going to happen more if you don't start now and your skin's not going to be very thick. I said you have to trust that you are. You have enough proof that even if somebody does reach out, you can handle it. But it was very. That's why I think people remember I was on a podcast one time and they said aren't life coaches just failed psychologists? And I remember I said I I'm not a life coach. I don't know. I don't take any offense to that. I don't know if you're trying to offend me. There's no offense to that to me. I said I'm sure there are some really good life coaches, just like there are some really bad life coaches, and I think that's what makes it get a bad rap. That's the kind of stuff that I think is supposed to be happening on any coaching call, on any coaching call of any kind. It's deeper stuff underneath.

Kevin Palmieri

I was on a call with somebody the other day Again, this is a podcast YouTube client who wants to build their own thing and they're very wealthy, they have lots of money and I said can I ask you a question? And he said yeah. I said do you feel like maybe one of the reasons you haven't created any products or services and you've made almost no money in your business is because you feel guilty of how much money you already have and you feel like you should just give stuff away? And it was just like that's where the stuff is. It's not what the channel. He said yeah, probably, so we gotta work through that. Like let's, let's focus on, yeah, let's focus on that stuff. It's not.

Alan Lazaros

What's your relationship with your own yourself? It's always what it comes down to self-awareness what's your relationship with your own intelligence?

Alan Lazaros

let's say you're on the lowest end of the statistical bell curve and you're not naturally intelligent. You probably are very insecure about that. I'm very insecure about even talking about it. Let's say you are on the like my client. You're on the very high end of intelligence. You're also very insecure about that. Anyone who's on the far end of any bell curve is always insecure because deep down we all want to belong and belonging is in the middle. And if you are in the middle you want to stand out. So you wish you were smarter or stronger or whatever.

Kevin Palmieri

It's such a weird the human condition is yeah, belonging doesn't even exist well, someone who naturally belongs wants to stand out. Someone who naturally stands out usually wants to belong yeah, but I all I mean by that is, you can't feel like you belong or stand out unless you're out, unless you're familiar and comfortable with who you are. Because if, yeah, that's like a paradox you don't want to just say okay, I'm going to fit whatever room I'm in, because then you're not being you, because then, you're not being you and you also don't just want to stand out for the sake of standing out, because maybe there's deep-seated commitment stuff, or there's deep-seated significance stuff.

Kevin Palmieri

I'm convinced self-awareness is the most important thing in the world. I am now more than ever I would say it's top three.

Alan Lazaros

What's number one? I think awareness of self is number one. Two or three, these are all of equal importance, I think self-awareness awareness of the human condition and awareness of the world now those are the three that you need I think could you possibly have awareness of the human world without awareness of self first?

Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:

Kevin Palmieri

yeah, of course hello, hello, hello.

Alan Lazaros

Nlu listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to next level university real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the next level dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you it. The link will be in the show notes. Like I said, I, kevin and I started on two different sides. I was very aware of the world, how it worked and why it worked that way, and I was under. I understood neuroscience and psychology, but I didn't understand myself and what made me different.

Kevin Palmieri

So self-awareness was my issue, which, of course, if what you wanted was my issue, which, of course, if what you wanted was what you needed.

Alan Lazaros

That quote I wanted to learn the world more. I didn't want to learn how different I was. That was where the pain is. So you knew yourself well, but you didn't know how the freaking world worked. Man, I don't think I knew myself that well. You knew it. I would say you knew myself that well, you knew it.

Kevin Palmieri

I would say you knew it better than you knew the world well, I didn't know the world at all, so it didn't take much. Well, can we? I think I knew the human condition.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, yeah, yeah but I don't know how or why there's deep conversations.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, yeah, but before that, I remember I used to coach people. Like before any of the deep conversations, I used to coach people and I people would the deep conversations. I used to coach people and people would say like, how do you know that? I don't know, I don't know. It just seems very obvious to me. I used to coach people on relationships. All the time People would reach out and say, hey, person, I'm trying to date said this, or what do you think of this? Or this is happening. And I was like this, I think this is the answer. And then they would go do it and we'd get more feedback and it was like I don't know if they were usually women dating men. So I think it's easy to say like if I was in that position, if I said that I'm guessing this is what I would.

Alan Lazaros

I don't know strange, I would say. You understood the human condition more than you understood the world and how it worked and more than maybe, how you worked a genius, visionary philosopher at the time I would say you are more intelligent than you originally thought, by a significant margin.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah so genius. That's awesome cool. Nobody's ever called me a genius, it's all relative for everyone out there watching or listening.

Alan Lazaros

Which one do you understand best? I was missing self-awareness. I understood humans and I understood the way the world worked Business not fully, no one fully but I was missing how different I was my own unique self-awareness. That's the same truth about this client I referenced in this episode. He just didn't have a self-awareness. He didn't understand how different he was. And now he does and, honestly, that's what my coaching has illuminated.

Kevin Palmieri

What do you like more? Do you like learning about the world now or do you like learning about yourself? The world Still.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, it's, it's, it's. I love science. Science is the way the world works, psychology is the way humans work and the inner work of therapy is how you work, and I don't like the third one nearly as much as I like the other two, although I do understand the value of all three. I think we all have one that we're really good at. I think we have one that we're decent at, and I think we have one that we're not good at.

Alan Lazaros

I was not good at self-awareness At all. Honestly, my self-awareness was very low. I I knew I was smart, but I didn't know how different I was. And and only only in my 30s did I really start to understand that I started going to therapy. It's been tremendous, yeah. And only in my 30s did I really start to understand that I started going to therapy. It's been tremendous, yeah. That's why I always say if you want a coach, you need a therapist. I had mentors. On mentors, on mentors, I had dozens. I had a bunch of mentors. I've always had mentors that I asked questions. I didn't have any therapists. I needed a therapist man Seriously, because therapists help you learn about yourself.

Kevin Palmieri

It's your relationship with yourself and coaches can do that too, and obviously I do that work as well. But there was a I. When, when I first was exposed to alex hermosi, I liked a lot of his content, I was like I can mess with this. He's got a lot of really good business content. He did a post today about the fact that you don't need therapy, you need action or something, and I was like, oh no that's a terrible take, sir.

Alan Lazaros

Everybody's falling man. It's too bad. No one has the whole equation.

Kevin Palmieri

I think he has 10 out of 10 self-belief and he thinks everybody has super high belief. And it's like dude, you're like the guy. You have so much belief so much belief and you don't understand that most people don't it's understandable again. And which one is yours, which one was your good one, which one was your decent? I think the human condition was my strength.

Alan Lazaros

Somehow, don't know how, don't know why, self awareness was decent, and then the world and again kevin doesn't mind me sharing this, so don't villainize me for this.

Kevin Palmieri

I do so. Hey, whatever alan says, I'm this is gonna. This will personally offend me, and we're going to have a conversation about it after.

Alan Lazaros

We playfully joke. You just didn't know how it worked, man. You didn't know how business worked. Like you didn't understand. I still don't.

Kevin Palmieri

I mean more than ever, but I still. I'm excited as hell to learn about what was something. The other day it was, there was a video on YouTube. I was like I can't wait to watch that. One of the things recently I watched was why Applebee's and those kinds of restaurants are making a comeback. That was one. What was the other one? I watched one. I didn't watch it. I was reminding myself to watch it. It was something along those lines, but it was about the world. I want to know why things are happening the way they're happening.

Alan Lazaros

Can I give one tangible example, just because it's really important for everyone, and I'm not villainizing Kev for not knowing this. I I just want to communicate effectively. I, it's all I really. I just want to have you. You know, please don't hate me. Everybody.

What’s the one thing you’re afraid is true?

Alan Lazaros

Kev didn't understand the the Delta of cost of living in terms of minimum wage globally. So we have a global company and he saw money as a certain number of money, but it's completely different based on where you live, and I know you knew that somewhat. But there's a minimum wage in India, for example, is exponentially different than minimum wage in the US, and so not only is everyone having a different currency, and so not only is everyone having a different currency. So right now, for example, a lot of our Canadian listeners the Canadian dollar, I think, is 35 cents less than the American dollar. So not only is that fluctuating at all times, but minimum wage is different everywhere you live and therefore cost of living is different everywhere you live. And so that's just one example of Kev just didn't understand how that worked, and so he made poor business choices that he didn't understand, because how you don't know what you don't know, and I made poor choices in relationships because I didn't know what I didn't know about me and about the difference between me and other people, and I didn't know that people don't want to be around someone who's always dialed in all the time. I I didn't understand, like to me it's. Aren't we all trying to get better every day? Why wouldn't we do that? And the truth is that my core values are extraordinarily different, exponentially different, and I just never had a good relationship with that because I really liked to fit in and I felt like I didn't. And so we all kind of want what we don't have in a way, and we have to be aware and accept and own who we are, and I hope that that's what lands.

Alan Lazaros

Here is just the question I started at top with is what's the thing about you? What's the one thing about you that you're afraid is true? Because deep, you know it's true and if you do accept that, you can grow from that place in tremendous ways. It maybe it's I'm not that smart, maybe it's I'm a genius, maybe it's I'm whatever. Whatever it is that you're afraid is true. You're afraid because it probably is true and once you own that you, you unlock so much for your future, and it's a big unlock, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

Outside of therapy. How else do you? I know deep talks right, but you've got to find a partner to do deep talks with. You can't really do deep talks just with yourself. I think reading's external. I mean, yeah, it helps internal, internal, but you want to go learn about business. You read a book on business. A lot of that's external. That's the world, the human condition. What are your thoughts on?

Alan Lazaros

that, yeah, whatever triggers you, there's a reason it triggers you and Everyone's afraid, but not everyone's afraid of the same thing, and so whatever triggers you is connected to some deep insecurity, and everyone I've ever coached has insecurities. They're just different.

Kevin Palmieri

You and I have had deep conversations pretty much every day for the last eight years. How do you replicate that?

Alan Lazaros

What do you do? Find someone where you feel psychologically safe enough to have a conversation about what's true, what's real I? It's very grateful because I said, who do you feel like understands the real you at the deepest level? And he told me and I'm on that list and I knew that I would be, Because the truth is the capacity of people to understand the real him. There's a smaller percentage of those people.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, it makes sense and he knows, I'm not gonna judge him, for I said what's the thing that you think? That you actually think inside that you never say out loud that's the, that's the goal, baby. Like, okay, let me give you one. This is so scary. I honestly think most people are kind of lazy, but of course I think that, and you say, they're not lazy, you're just really hard working.

Kevin Palmieri

Well you think you're lazy for sure. So who's gonna win that game?

Alan Lazaros

but don't you see how all the gold is buried with the? Things we're not allowed to say yeah, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, I'm not, trust me, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not making you wrong, I'm not making you wrong for that.

Alan Lazaros

I just hope that everyone can find someone. You and I, we don't talk about this enough, but you and I have been a mirror for each other in the, in the safest way where we could actually talk like, am I harder working than everybody? Like, what is that about? I never actually thought that until you helped me understand that. Kevin said Alan, they're not lazy, you're ridiculously hard working, and it's like. I don't think that's true. I do now, but I never woke up in the morning like I'm so hard working. Can you imagine what a stupid way to live right?

Kevin Palmieri

No, I don't think so I think if you're somebody that needs that but I want to be harder working, I know, but you don't need that.

Kevin Palmieri

If you identify as something and it's a new thing you identify as I think, you need to pour it into your life. Believe for me. I should wake up and say, wow, I really believe in myself a lot, because I never did. I never did and I need to prove that. I need to prove, and prove, and prove, and prove. I need to prove that to myself. Then what's the equivalent for me? You need to wake up in the morning and say I think it would be good for you to realize how hard you work.

Kevin Palmieri

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's the new thing you're building.

Alan Lazaros

I mean, maybe, if that's what the new thing you're building is, One thing that I had to own to bring this back to the original topic the one thing that I knew was true, that I was afraid to accept, is that I'm not a likable person. I started becoming more likable, I think, once I started owning that I'm not very likable. I'm not an easily likable person. It helped me. It helped me just be okay with okay. So most people are not going to like me and that sucks. That really sucks. But I can't spend the rest of my life trying to trying to be liked when I'm not. That's one example. So for you, what's yours, Yours is. I don't believe in myself.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah. And maybe for you it is Well, yeah, but that's the thing is. Was it hard for you to admit that?

Alan Lazaros

No, you didn't admit that for the first. What? 25 years or something?

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, but all things considered, it's still pretty early if you think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm not making that right. No, no, no, I don't. But what's the thing?

Alan Lazaros

What's the one thing? Let's both do that and then we'll go, because the listeners whatever.

Kevin Palmieri

But for me that's internal, that's regardless of other people, no matter what I have to be me.

Alan Lazaros

No, I think the deeper thing is I want to be, you want to be likable. It changed my life when I realized I was jealous of how likable you are.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, same for intelligence.

Alan Lazaros

Right, I'm never going to be as likable. That was a breakthrough for me. It's like I could try the rest of my life trying to be as likable as Kev. There's no freaking way. Talk about a losing fucking game that's.

Kevin Palmieri

The weird thing is, if I just try, if I tried to be, I know you and you tried to be me, this whole thing and we did, we did, it was we did for a while it didn't work.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, some things worked but is that so?

Kevin Palmieri

is that the goal? The goal is to be the best.

Alan Lazaros

You, I think, self-awareness.

Alan Lazaros

Remember the episode we did about self-acceptance and then self-improvement yeah I think self-awareness is number one, self-acceptance is number two and then self-improvement is number three. After you accept, you know what I don't believe in myself and I'm not actually that smart. Now you can improve from that place and get smarter versus I'm gonna pretend I smart and then every time I'm in a room with smart people, be insecure that I'm not as smart and then not raise my hand and not, you know it's. It's almost like we're all trying to be different than our nature, our essence and your essence is great. It's just different than maybe what you originally thought you wanted.

Kevin Palmieri

One of the shows I like I spit all over the place. I apologize, thought you wanted one of the shows I like I spit all over the place. I apologize for that. One of the shows I like. He hugs a girl that he used to date. He says do you recognize my, my essence? Something like that. It's like I remember your, I remember your scent. Do you recognize my essence? It's just the funniest. Again, it's a very graphic show. It's called eastbound and down. I used to watch it all the time it it. I'm telling you there are. It's just there's so many hilarious things but there's also so many low vibe things. It's hard. All right, next elimination. I would say continue leaning into you. I think that's the only answer, anyway, really.

Alan Lazaros

You can't win at being different than your nature.

Kevin Palmieri

That's a losing game. It's a losing game Even if it makes you fit in.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, but you have to be the best version of you. That's next level. You pun intended, pun intended.

How small daily improvements change your life

Kevin Palmieri

Next level you yeah, next level, you Next level nation. If you are looking to grow every single day even Next level, you, next level nation. If you are looking to grow every single day, even if it's a little bit, you don't have to change your life every day for the rest of your life. You change your life a little bit every day and then you actually change your life. Make sure you are subscribed on whatever platform you are watching or listening to us on. Not only does it help us reach more amazing people like you really, really beneficial for us, so we do appreciate it but it'll also help you and that's the goal, right? That's what we want to do.

Kevin Palmieri

We want to bring self-improvement to everyone. So if you're trying to improve, make sure you're subscribed. And if you know somebody who would find value in the weird shit we talk about, let them know, because I do think we have a very unique dynamic. If you want advice from somebody who just has struggled with self-belief for most of their life, I got you. If you want advice or, we'll say, potential breakthroughs from somebody who has a ton of self-belief, alan's got you there, and we have our own unique problems that come with that. So I think it's a, it's a very unique thing.

Alan Lazaros

That's the goal, for sure yeah, every every strength has a weakness, every weakness has a strength, and the goal is to be the best version of yourself that you can be. If that's your goal, I would love to help you. Favorite work in the world 2025,. I'm focusing as much of my time and effort as possible on coaching. I coach the team. I coach 28 clients now. I'm extremely grateful. It's my favorite work in the world, genuinely. It doesn't mean I always love every second of it, but I'm always super fulfilled by it and I'm learning so freaking much.

Outro

Kevin Palmieri

It's unreal and if you want in, please reach out as always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. I don't know why I couldn't pronounce appreciate and uh, as always, uh, what is it at nlu? United fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros

Talk to you soon.

Kevin Palmieri

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host