Next Level University

Some Things SOUND Better Than They Actually Are (1922)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Ever feel like the idea of something is better than the reality? Whether it’s a career, a relationship, or even owning a pool, we often get caught up in the dream without thinking about the work it requires. In this Freestyle Friday episode, Kevin and Alan explore how aligning with your true self—and understanding the “hidden iceberg” beneath any goal—can lead to real success and fulfillment.

If you’ve ever felt out of place or questioned whether you’re on the right path, this episode is for you.

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://bit.ly/3BQBYDr
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(1:13) Intro: What Freestyle Friday is all about.
(3:20) Relationships: Loving the idea of someone vs. the reality.
(4:12) Misaligned life decisions and how they can backfire.
(5:32) The two types of growth: self-improvement vs. self-awareness.
(11:16) Relationships and alignment with goals.
(15:47) The “hidden costs” of achieving dreams.
(30:40) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(37:48) Understanding what you’re truly willing to work for.
(55:16) Closing thoughts and gratitude for the NLU family.

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Alan:

if everyone had a mentor who cared enough to actually get them to understand what they're capable of. If you had a mentor who could get through to you, dude, you would have been a rapper. You would have been. I'm convinced of that.

Kevin:

Even training is way more than most people ever do when it comes to that, so I get a lot of significance from training. People are like, oh wow, you could kick my ass. It's like, honestly, probably not. Well, it depends on who. You are right, but I'm not as good as you think. I am Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin:

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1922, it's Freestyle Friday. Freestyle Friday means that we don't title the episode before we don't really know what we're going to talk about. But it's going to be something within the self-improvement realm because that's essentially all we talk about.

Kevin:

I was talking to a client the other day and again, podcast coach doesn't always talk about podcasting because also self-improvement, self-improvement company and this person said hey, can I, can I vent to you for a second? I said, of course you can. I'm good, I'm good at listening. Let me just sit here and listen. And this person is struggling in a newer relationship and when this person started this new relationship, her deepest fear was that her partner was going to try to be that be a person that he was not naturally. And she was just venting and explaining and she was, she was tearing up and she's very sad and she said do you have any? You have anything to offer on that? Because she doesn't assume I have answers. She just says, like, let me pass the ball to you, do you have anything to say and I said, yeah, I think you're spot on.

Kevin:

I think I think your partner probably has a similar mindset to what I had in my mid-20s where one of my relationships I literally got into it because I thought it was gonna I thought that was the type of person that was gonna fix me. I thought that was the type of person that would be outside of my comfort zone and would force me to grow. And I thought that was the type of person that would be outside of my comfort zone and would force me to grow. And I thought that was the type of person that, although I didn't really feel like we were compatible at all, I would figure it out. And I said, from the outside perspective, how obvious is that in hindsight?

Alan:

super, but that's, that's what I said that's what I said to her.

Kevin:

I said from the out again it's easy for me to say this because I'm not in it right now but it looks to me like he realized that you were a catch. You have a very strong, powerful energy, you're beautiful, you're very intelligent. You know exactly what you want. I'm willing to bet he probably said, yeah, I can fit the mold. And now and at least he has the courage to admit it he's just outright admitting like I don't know if I am the person that I thought I was at the beginning of this relationship. Good for that person for for admitting it. But I thought that might make for an interesting episode because I think, yeah, relationships are about growth a hundred percent. But I do think oftentimes we delude ourselves into thinking that certain things in life are going to fix things that aren't connected to them. How many people get married because they think that's going to fix the relationship?

Kevin:

That ain't it how many people have children because that's going to bring us closer together. That ain't it. So I think oftentimes we fall victim to our own delusion of this is what I need. Maybe it's a job. You get offered a job that you know is not good for you. You just know it isn't and you say, yeah, this will be a good challenge. This will make me grow, I'll get way more organized. Maybe some of those are true. So maybe that's the conversation. Maybe the conversation is. Well, how do you know whether it's constructive or destructive? Cause it can be. When I was in that relationship, I get outside of my comfort zone more. I went out more and did things that I never would have done. That was the first time I ever did a photo shoot. When I was in that relationship, I probably wouldn't have done a photo shoot. That was way outside of my comfort zone. So there were some benefits to it, but I just I assumed the relationship was going to change me, not I was going to change me through necessity or whatever it was.

Alan:

so maybe that's the maybe that's the conversation well, I think it comes down to the two types of growth.

Alan:

One of them is I want to change who I am, so I'm going to improve these things, and the other one is the self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-improvement we've been talking about a lot on the show which is so much more long-term, sustainable.

Alan:

I remember I had a mentor and he had been divorced and he was a very, very, very successful CEO in the tech space robotics and I used to mentor him in fitness and he would mentor me in business and entrepreneurship and he said, if I had any piece of advice in this category because I was in a relationship at the time that very clearly in hindsight was there's just no way.

Alan:

And the best way I can describe this and I have shared this with clients behind the scenes many times it's almost like and if you're on YouTube you can see me do this with my hands here's me being in alignment with my goals and dreams. I would have to come over here and make it work and then get back in alignment with my goals and dreams and then come back over here and make it work and then go back in alignment. The best way I can describe it with Emilia is the only time it doesn't work is when I'm not in alignment with my goals and dreams, and I never had that before and I think in some ways I was the. I was your client in this circumstance where I was with someone who I said this to my ex. I said you love the idea of me more than you actually love me you love the same thing.

Kevin:

She said the same thing. She did. Yeah, she literally said the same thing. It's like you like the idea of who I am and the idea of me more than you actually like being with me okay.

Alan:

I feel that person so freaking deeply and I did not understand this at the time. I wish that I did. You love what we're trying to say. What she's trying to say. What I was trying to say is you love the idea of being with a dream chaser. You love the idea of being with a dream chaser. You love the idea of being with someone who has big goals and who believes in themselves and who works hard and who doesn't take a day off. And you know, dream chaser and all. You love the idea of that. What you don't love is what's beneath that iceberg, which is insane obsessive work ethic. It is relentless, unrelenting, all day, every day, forever. And and the the best metaphor I had was you love dating a fitness model, but you don't love the 5am workouts every day. You want me to stay in bed and snuggle, but I have to get after it. I to travel. I'm a podcast.

Alan:

This is pre-covid and so the idea, and this is a very unlovable thing. This is for anyone out there who feels very like people love the idea of them more than actually them, and it's such a weird thing too, because you feel super sought after. Everyone wants to be you, but yet they don't like you when they are around you. They like, don't like being around you, but yet they keep asking you to be around. It's something I've been contemplating a lot lately because it's a weird thing, but anyways. So to bring it back to the original point, I had to.

Alan:

My mentor said don't do anything in relationships. That feels too unnatural, and at the time I was doing so many things that felt out of alignment for me. It felt like this isn't. Yeah, I can watch the Bachelorette with you, but I don't actually want to ever. I'm never going to want to do this. I'm never going to want to go clubbing. I'm never going to want to do this. I'm never going to want to go clubbing. I'm never going to want to. And she would go to the bar after the gym with her friends and they'd drink wine, and after a workout. I'm not going to go drink wine like that. To me that's out of alignment.

Alan:

But what I realize now in hindsight, this is very clear that person doesn't actually have big goals that they're aligned with. And your ex that you're referring to did and, and basically, when you have these big future-oriented goals, you, you have no choice but to stay in alignment with them and so you can't just hang out just to hang out and unfortunately, if you are in a relationship with someone who is like that, and that's okay, it's just not going to work as well. And I coach couples and we just got off Relationship Talks virtual event and there are certain relationships where one partner has these really big goals and dreams that they're connected to that they have no choice but to work toward. And they're with partners who they're kind of a pain in the ass to because their partners just want to chill. And for the partner that wants to chill, they're not up against these massive goals and there's nothing to lose. And it's called opportunity costs. Like if Kevin and I take next week off, there's opportunity cost for NLU for that and there's less impact, less profitability, less for the team, less for our future, like we're taking out of our future pocket and for people who don't have that massive future orientation.

Alan:

If you're with a partner who seems like a catch, you got to understand what comes with that catch. And when I first met Emilia, very last piece, I walked into her. Her family is very successful entrepreneurs and I walked into her family's home and I said this is a beautiful home. And she said, yeah, my parents worked their ass off. And I remember thinking, oh, thank goodness, thank goodness, someone who values the work more than the shiny shit. And the reason why is because I was coming from the polar opposite of someone who had a lot of shiny stuff but didn't have to work for it. And for me I told kevin this behind the scenes if you came from any privilege whatsoever, uh, you and I would never work.

Alan:

it's quite privileged, thank you very much yeah, yeah, you came from many leather bound books, many many, many, many.

Kevin:

I think a lot of it's energetic too, though it's not even well it. I think it's oftentimes big goals, big dreams, that. But I think it's a lot of it's like the energy of, I don't know, maybe it's the energy of somebody who's done the work. I mean this this client is a just done years the deepest amount of self-development you can do. Very certain, knows what she wants, very direct, but not in a bad way.

Alan:

Willing to have the most.

Kevin:

Intense. But yeah, I would say intense, intense and just willing to have very deep, emotionally intelligent conversations that just are uncomfortable. I'm comfortable in them because I've practiced this long enough, so it's not uncomfortable for me, but I can imagine, isn't it weird?

Alan:

to coach someone like that when you, younger Kev, would never have been able to so strange. What's that like?

Kevin:

for you. It's a privilege. I genuinely feel it's a privilege and it's a responsibility. I am always excited before our calls Because in a way, they're the easiest calls I do. I don't prep for them, I don't do anything. I show up and I say catch me up, what's going on?

Alan:

All she needs is someone to hold space and bounce ideas off of. You've been doing that for me for years.

Kevin:

Yeah, just a sounding board. And then she'll say sometimes she'll literally say, now that I say it out loud, it makes sense, awesome, cool, great. Thank you for the breakthrough, kat, great, great.

Alan:

I've heard many breakthroughs with you from that Just you sit holding space.

Kevin:

Yeah, I don't know what are you going to just talk to the wall. I've tried. It's not as fun.

Alan:

It's not as fun. Yeah, no, I'm kidding, I've never tried. But. I'm sure I know Deep conversations are where you learn the most. I think I agree. Yeah, when you say things out loud and you communicate them to someone, they become more tangible.

Kevin:

It's like oh.

Alan:

I've never said that out loud before. 100% Okay, is that true? Is that what I really think? But it has to be a safe person who you know isn't going to latch on to one thing you say and judge you for it and define you by it.

Alan:

Latch on to one thing you say and judge you for it and define you by it, and I think that that's one of the reasons why we coach is it gives people that safe space to word vomit a little bit and figure out what's going on in here. It also makes you feel really good.

Kevin:

When somebody opens up, I must be doing something right. If this person there's a significance that comes with it Like you feel safe around me, you feel safe enough to tell me this stuff, I love that. I really appreciate that. I hold that very close again. That's a responsibility. I feel a privilege and I feel responsibility. I always. I have this thing that that tara and I joke about. Every once in a while we'll go do something. So what's an example? I know one time, I think we we went to see a show at like eight o'clock at night on a friday and it was fun, we had a good time. But when we got home I said that was one of those classic things that sounds way better than it actually is at the time it was like friday at the end of a week.

Kevin:

88, we'll get dressed up, we'll go out to the show. It's gonna be amazing. It's like six o'clock. We're like, hey, how much were the tickets? If we missed it, would it be that big? You guys are really gonna stop wasting money.

Alan:

No, no, this was this was a long time.

Kevin:

You know, I'm kidding dude, this is a long time but yeah, I mean, we've definitely done stuff like that for sure yeah but that's the thing.

Alan:

This is a classic, I feel like I've heard like 15 stories of you and darren Like hey, how much was this?

Kevin:

Are we really going to do this?

Alan:

I know I'm kidding the hot air balloon, the movies, but you're looking up at the.

Kevin:

No, get our money back for the hot air balloon. I know I'm being playful, Well, no, but that we actually did Other stuff we didn't.

Alan:

That one we did.

Kevin:

for sure, ian, I don't think budget I think taryn faded for the, for the hot air balloon, but it's, I think there's. There's a lot of things like that. There's a lot of things that you said, the idea of it versus it, yeah how many people? How many people have bought a pool? I never had a pool. I always wanted a pool. Growing up like this would be awesome, and all the people I've met that have pools, they fucking hate them like dude, don't get one, it sucks, it's the worst the other one.

Alan:

This is like a pool, but I I used to. Sorry to interrupt you. Of course, dude, the maintenance for a pool is nuts I.

Kevin:

I can only imagine, I've never, I've never done it. The other one is there's a saying your two favorite days of boating are the day you buy the boat and the day you sell the boat. Again, I've never had a boat, I don't know, but I think most of the things, most thing this will be my thing Most things that require maintenance sound far better than they actually are.

Alan:

Dude everything requires maintenance.

Kevin:

No, no, no, no, kev's like no, no, no no kev's like no, no, I've been waiting for this. I've been waiting tvs. When's the last time you had a maintenance tv? Never throw that shit up on the wall. You throw that shit up on the wall and one day it stops working and then you figure out a way to get a new one. That's it.

Alan:

You don't have to maintain a lot of stuff kev's like I've designed my whole life around what you don't have to you're uh hold on your internet is jeffing hard right now, just fyi yeah, it's not great. It's not great. Yeah, I'm actually gonna shut down my other computer. Oh no, yeah, it's, it's all lost hello team.

Kevin:

I leave it to you whether or not this is funny enough to keep it in.

Alan:

If it's funny enough to keep it in, do it I will.

Kevin:

Okay, we're back. I couldn't hear you. I couldn't hear you for most of that time. No, it's good, we're good, we're gonna rock it. We're gonna rock right through it, because that's what we do, yeah there's certain things that don't. There's certain things that don't require maintenance. That's all I'm saying.

Alan:

I think that there's a quote the things you own end up owning you. I have a client who has a MacBook that he leases Smartest thing ever.

Kevin:

Let me explain why this is so smart.

Alan:

Oh, it's the smartest thing ever. Everyone understands doggy years. It's multiplied by seven. Totally depends on the breed, by the way, but whatever, let's just call it. Okay, a dog is five, they're actually what? Five times seven, okay, they're actually 35, which is basically just saying in human years, what would this be in terms of the life expectancy of humans? And that changes too. But whatever, the math bothers me. There's technology years. We're watching the born identity series, the movies born identity, born supremacy, born ultimatum and dude 2002, 2004, 2008. The tech in these movies and this was considered high tech back then zoom and enhance zoom.

Alan:

Yeah, not real, can't do that not real great films, but, dude, I mean, come on, how long ago was this? And you? I'm like, wait, I was a freshman in college in 2008 when this came out. The tech in this. So there's tech years. What's my point of this whole thing? Maintenance what were we talking about before this? Leasing the mac yeah, leasing the macbook. Best idea ever for leasing a macbook, because you get a new one every two years. Same with leasing these phones. That's becoming the new medium. Eventually I'm convinced of this and again, this is a weird sort of techie thing the future is going to be all leasing because tech moves too quick, so you need a new tech. There's a life expectancy and a product life cycle and all this stuff, but ultimately the product life cycle of everything is getting smaller and smaller and smaller, particularly tech, because five years in tech might as well be 50 years in technological innovation. I mean, if you can look at 10 years ago, I was.

Alan:

I'm watching a interview with the one of the co-founders of netflix and it's fascinating to talk about the story about mailing dvds. You remember netflix used to be mailing dvds, I do, way back back then000,. No, only 125 million households had VHS players, and a very small percentage of that market had DVD players. I remember I had one of the first DVD players. I was like you don't have to rewind it. I remember my mom saying this is the stupidest thing ever. I'm like no, this is the future. I've always been that way and it was, of course, but anyways. So I digress Back to the original point of this episode. Why was I talking about?

Kevin:

tech that I don't know. Oh, because we were talking about maintenance.

Alan:

Oh, I'm guessing there's no maintenance.

Kevin:

Why were we talking about maintenance?

Alan:

Yeah, there's no maintenance when you lease things.

Kevin:

Because he says what was the point of the episode? Okay, what were we talking about? Okay, why are we talking?

Alan:

about that. Okay, in my defense. It's been a long night, completely went out oh, yeah, yeah, the internet got.

Kevin:

Jeff and it's depending on what it looks like. You will or will not know, because, well, the team will clean it up if it needs to be clean. But I don't know, because you were lagging and then you were robot Alan for a little while and it was kind of wonky. I was talking to myself. It's a whole thing.

Alan:

What were you talking about originally? You talked about pools and I was talking about maintenance yeah, I was talking about.

Kevin:

Anything that requires maintenance usually sounds better than it actually is.

Alan:

There we go awesome okay, we were just on a relationship talks event and we were shouting out our clients, brandon and hannah, because they are just crushing. I mean they. They got engaged, they got a new home, hannah has a new career, she's the gm of her own pet store, they are planning a wedding, all this stuff unbelievable. We just they were the warriors at the event, which is basically someone who leads by example, and we just celebrated the hell out of them. But we had an iceberg on one of the slides and it said there was a big arrow with an A and a big arrow to the bottom of the iceberg B and A is all the things people think they want, b is all the shit that comes with the things you think you want, and so everyone wants all those things, and they achieved more in two and a half years than most people do in 10. Genuinely, they crushed it. I'm so proud of them. Most statistically, however, that's two years, 26 weeks per year, 52 saturdays in a row where they're on zoom, with emilia and I breaking down their goals and dreams, making sure they're on track, calculating the mortgage and the amount and the down payment and the percentage. We reverse engineered every one of those things, and so the underbelly of every I don't know why I keep saying underbelly, the underbelly that no one wants, dude, seriously, the underbelly that no one wants of. It's great to have a pool, but it's terrible to make sure the chlorine is right every single time and to clean it and to do the little skimmer thing off the top. Yeah, yeah, everything comes with something and, to the point of this episode, you mentioned your client. You love the idea of me more than you love actually being with me.

Alan:

When it comes to intimate relationships, they your partner better love the actual you because, yeah, you know you can agree to disagree and your acquaintance might not like that.

Alan:

You work every day and that's fine, but if they live with you and that's how you're wired, and because if you can't be yourself in your intimate relationship, you're in so much trouble and I remember that life and it was so much worse. It was so much worse. It's not even close, and so be with someone who, yes, is a yin to your yang. You don't want to be exactly the same. However, there's got to be some common core values and there's got to be a similar energetic set point and there's got to be some similar goals and size of goals that complement one another, and I think that that's a lot of people are kidding themselves when it comes to their intimate relationship, and I spent many years trying to make something work that, in hindsight, there's no chance that ever could have worked. I would have had to be so much different than who I really am well, I think we, I think we assume we'll figure it out.

Kevin:

Yeah, we'll figure it out, we'll see what happens. Figure it out, it'll get figured out. I remember.

Alan:

Oh, go ahead. Do you think that's one of the reasons you were unhappy in that relationship?

Kevin:

I think I was unhappy because I knew it wasn't going to last. I've said this before. I think I've said it here when my ex left, there was a part of me that was relieved because I knew it was going to happen. I just didn't know when. There was a genuine little piece of me.

Alan:

How did you know it was?

Kevin:

going to happen. I just knew it wasn't. I think that's probably I didn't understand alignment. I didn't know what alignment meant. I don't think I knew what alignment felt like. But like I'm never going to be the guy who wants to go to the go hang out with a bunch of friends Friday night in Boston, like that ain't me, that ain't me, that ain't me, and it's never going to be.

Alan:

But I also. There's a part of me that's like. I'm grateful.

Kevin:

I had the opportunity to test that, To know, To reconfirm that that's not To reconfirm, because nobody can say, well, kev, you've never done that. It's like, yeah, I've done that, I've done it enough. And I realize that's not who I am or what I want. So that was a piece of it. And then I remember this is the other thing too, god this is.

Alan:

I was terrible at relationships.

Kevin:

You're gonna stop. You're gonna stop saying I was good at relationships.

Alan:

I don't think I was. I remember, jesus, it's embarrassing. You were good at predicting other people's relationships. Yeah, except my fail, except my own, except for my, I think I'd be able to figure that out when.

Kevin:

So we live together in b and we actually broke up Because she wanted to move to California and I didn't. I had my quote unquote dream job at the time. I'm not making six figures in California. Yeah, there's no way, there's no way. So we essentially said, all right, well, this isn't going to work, let's go our separate ways. I remember I went and looked at places. I forgot about that until recently. I went and looked at places. I was going to get my own place and then somehow I don't know what the hell happened we ended up getting a place together in New Hampshire. It's just like we're like yeah, we'll figure it out, no worries, we'll figure it out. I don't know. I think there was a piece of me that thought like yeah, you say you want to go to california, but are you actually going to go to california?

Alan:

Do you think the reason you thought that is because in hindsight A lot of people say things but don't mean it, and she happened to be one of the ones that really did mean it.

Kevin:

Yeah, 100.

Alan:

Yeah, and she probably felt misunderstood in that too, cause it's like I'm not kidding, I'm sure.

Kevin:

Well, doesn't everybody want to go to? Isn't that what people say?

Alan:

Yeah, I want to go to.

Kevin:

California. It's like, yeah, no, cool, I think I mean I did.

Alan:

I know, I know Right, so, but I didn't understand. I remember I would never just talk about something and then not actually do it.

Kevin:

Most people do, I never.

Alan:

We should unpack that at some point. Why? And again, I know how pretentious that comes off, because I think I can speak for myself Again.

Kevin:

I literally thought I was going to play in the major leagues. You didn't actually think you were going to, though. No, no, I did Hold on. I'm not kidding. I thought I was going to play in the major leagues. My buddies and I were all going to have Winnebago's and Supermodel Wives and we were just going to drive around. Well, you could see all the flaws. You're going to play major league baseball. You don't get time off ever. You work all the time forever. So what are you what? You're gonna drive around the country. That's not gonna happen. Like I never had a strategy. I think there's a big difference between a shot and a strategy. A shot is yeah, I'm gonna, I'm going to do that one day. I'm going to do that one day.

Alan:

Are you afraid to say that and then be seen as?

Kevin:

completely full of shit. No, I mean I don't. No, I don't think. So I don't think that's what it was.

Alan:

I just didn't. How come? This is all pure curiosity. I would feel like a hypocrite saying one thing and then doing another, like I said, and again, oh god, I said I'd get straight a's in high school and then I went and did that like I would feel like a hypocrite. There have been times where I've changed my mind, of course, right. I, you know, said I wanted to be a fitness model, but then I did. I did do that.

Alan:

So I just, I guess, are people concerned about being seen as a hypocrite, like because when I was in middle school, in high school, I had a lot of friends who had a lot of big goals and dreams and in hindsight it's as much as I'm scared to share this. It's very clear that they didn't really mean it, at least not in the sense of planning it out and intending on it and doing whatever it took, and I realize that's because of low self-belief and I I have nothing but empathy for that at this point, to the to the extent that I can. However, I am curious as to why you're concerned to be seen as a failure but yet you're not concerned to say something like that. I'm going to be in the MLB.

Alan:

Well it was with my friends, it was with my friends. Oh, okay, so you didn't say that to anyone else.

Kevin:

No, no, this was like our thing. It was like, dude, our future's awesome, our future's bright. It's like, eh, eh, maybe Did you share that with your family? No, hell, no, oh, because no, this was like a pipe dream, but I really thought it was gonna happen. I'm telling you, I think I think many people fall victim to saying like that's my dream, but then never doing anything about it. Even the, the mixed martial arts thing. I, I, I wanted to be a professional mixed martial arts fighter.

Alan:

The truth of the matter is you back then, if I coached you at that age, how old were you?

Alan:

16, 15 um senior senior year high school I started so that would be 16 for you, 17 for me, yeah, ah, 17, 18, yeah, so 17. If I could somehow coach you and you wouldn't hate me, uh, I could. I think you could be a professional fighter. Seriously, the way you track metrics and habits now, yeah, that's fair with. If you give me 15 years and really dial in and take it seriously with your work ethic and your grit and your physical capabilities, you could. You definitely could. It's just a matter of dialing it in hello, hello, hello. Nlu listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to next level university. Real quick, I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner.

Alan:

This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes. There's an equation I did with the old me never would have shared any of this because I would have been too afraid to sound so cocky but I believe you.

Kevin:

The point I was making with that whole thing is I didn't have the dedication, I didn't train enough. I wanted it. I wanted it more than anybody I knew, but I didn't want it nearly as bad as the people who actually wanted it.

Alan:

It's almost like you didn't have a reference point. It's almost like you didn't. I knew, though, if you grew up. There's something called the Talent Code. It's a book. It talks about talent hotbeds and it talks about how, during the Renaissance, all the best writers were all in Paris and bodybuilders in the california. During the arnold era, all of the talent hotbeds is it's very silicon valley all the tech companies. I mean, they're all. They all knew each other. It's it's. It's what's your reference point, yeah, and a lot of the podcasters that are big. They all know each other and they all exchange, and we have our own little sort of thing going to with me. You evolve the podcasters, all this stuff, but ultimately, it's almost like you didn't have a reference point to what it would actually take I.

Kevin:

That's not fully true, because I there was people in my gym who were professionals or amateurs trying to be professional. I saw, I knew what it took, I just didn't. I wasn't dedicated enough so that's the truth of it.

Alan:

I was on with my client recently and we did this simple little formula and I said zero to 10, how certain are you that you can achieve XYZ in 2025? We were doing goals and he said 10. I said, okay, how certain are you you can achieve that in one month? He said zero. I said that's it's just time perspective. And we created this little formula Certainty leads to strategy, strategy leads to action, action leads to results, and then that either increases or decreases certainty.

Alan:

So the strategy piece I had no idea was so important, because I would say that that's the piece that always I felt good at. And once people have the right strategy, I mean there's no. I mean imagine what people could do if they had the right formula. Everything's a formula. Brandon said that on the RT event earlier. He said I just. He said I don't know how to explain it everybody. I'm not that concerned anymore because if I have a problem, I just call Alan and Emilia and then we just solve it. And I said well, that's the strategy, that's the power of intelligence. People are so blown away by chat, gpt and AI and all this. It's what. You have your own AI, I can solve problems. I was on a call earlier and she was like we should pull up chat gpt. I was like we're better than chappy gpt. We can, we got, we can come up with a better idea. Can you imagine someone coming to you and say I want to title my podcast. They ask chat gpt. You can do better than chat gpt so many people.

Kevin:

I tell people all the time, but so many people do it.

Alan:

Unfortunately, I'm not saying it's not a good tool. It's a good start to bring.

Kevin:

I did a whole episode on it for for podcast growth you about, yeah about it's. It's good, it's, it's a good supplement. But you got to be very careful, because you're not you know if it's, you're using it for that and using it for if. If you're letting it do all of the thinking for you, you're not building those skills exactly and that's that's a creative, that's a creative endeavor and skill set that you can develop.

Alan:

Strategizing is a meta skill. You I was on with a guy earlier podcaster. He oh uh, it was a coaching session, business breakthrough session and he said I knew kev and when I first met you and Kevin I know you wouldn't mind me sharing this he said you two are night and day.

Kevin:

I know it is too. I actually asked him.

Alan:

Yeah, I said what do you mean? Like what, I'm with you and I appreciate it. What do you mean? He said it's very clear that you guys think very differently and think very differently. And he said he said this. He said Kevin is more emotionally intelligent than you. He can tell when someone's resonating better than you can.

Alan:

And I'm like are you kidding me? Okay, and that is very clear, by the by the way, I do know that that's true. I'm trying to work on this. However, he said yeah, but if I were to ask him you know, what do you think I should do to build my infrastructure for my business? I think he'd probably defer to you. I said yeah, that's fair. The strategy piece.

Alan:

If people knew that that was the secret, then they wouldn't just say they want a Winnebago one day. Then they wouldn't just say they want a Winnebago one day. They would accomplish so much. Like isn't that? The reason I believe in people so much is because, mathematically, they are capable of so much, Whether or not they actually do it. Like you could have been a professional MMA fighter, there's no question that that was a possibility, a potentiality. Whether or not you're actually going to do it or not is the question, and there are formulas out there that I mean. No one questions whether or not they can cook eggs. It's the same exact concept, yeah, but just shorter time span, Right, much shorter.

Kevin:

And I think you're probably going to be better at communicating that than me, because well, I think now are kind of like that to a degree yeah, to a degree, but I think it's I'm still not convinced. I'm still not convinced that if you gave someone the strategy, that they would do it.

Alan:

Even if they had certainty it would work eventually.

Kevin:

Tell me how long? How long is it going to take? Yeah, yeah, no, because that's the thing. It has to be within alignment. It has to be within alignment. I was, I was. I didn't like going and I didn't like rolling with people that I didn't know and I just I didn't like having to meet someone new and ask questions and I just wasn't hungry enough for it. But I could have. I knew the strategy. It's not that I didn't know the strategy, I just wasn't willing to do what it took. That I wasn't. I was really good Like I was. I'm not re, I wasn't like world-class, but when I started grappling, right off the bat, I was beating people who had been doing it for years and I was like talented in that. I was strong, I was quick, I was flexible.

Alan:

And so what you just? You did believe it was possible, but you just didn't want to put in the work.

Kevin:

I believed it was possible, but I also kind of knew that I was living. The idea of being a professional mixed martial artist was more sexy to me than actually doing it and, very humbly admitting this very humbly even training is way more than most people ever do when it comes to that. So I get a lot of significance from training. People are like, oh wow, you could kick my ass. It's like, honestly, probably not. Well, it depends on who. You are right, but I'm not as good as you think I am. If you think I'm like the guys you see on TV, that ain't me. I'm not doing what they're doing. I could take you down and choke you out probably most likely the average person, but I'm those people on TV. So there was significance that came with that.

Kevin:

I've always liked to do stuff differently than other people. I've always liked to go in a different direction, but this is the first time I've ever really committed myself to it. I just didn't really commit myself. The rapping thing like there's a piece of me. I'm so frustrated that I didn't rap more when I was younger. I'm so frustrated. That was never a conscious thought, though. Really I never thought that until I started podcasting and then I had the equipment. I was like, oh, this rap thing's pretty cool. I'd really like to why?

Alan:

didn't, what would have? What would have helped you? Because this is the point of mentors.

Kevin:

Not having this, not having this, I can't, I'm not going to be able to do both. Maybe later.

Alan:

No, no, no, no, no. What I mean is young Kevin.

Kevin:

Oh, oh, oh.

Alan:

I'm speaking at a college next month on entrepreneurship. It's an entrepreneurship club and when I go there, my intention whether or not this will work or not is another story, but my intention is to get these kids to understand what is possible. And then what is the actual formula to make that happen. Passion, purpose and profit is the short version of it. But here's how we did it, here's where we started, here's where we are now. It's doable and if you have the right mentors, you're gonna win.

Alan:

There are people out there that actually do know how to do it, but if you're not asking them and humble enough to actually go get that feedback. I had someone, a client of, tell me earlier today that you are terrible at communicating and she thinks she's way better than me at communicating. She said I am way better than you and one of the reasons why I am is because I'm around kids all the time. I have to transcode to kids all the time. It's it's, and I actually realized recently I do not know how to talk to kids I'm like bad, yeah, no, I don't know where they're at.

Alan:

It's this whole thing, and I'll do better, but my voice gets all high pitch. Oh, what's your favorite subject? It's like my go-to, but it's true I'm not nearly. And she said you're better than most, you're on the high end, you're just not nearly as good as you need to be to achieve your goals. And I do agree with this person, and she is an unbelievably good communicator. She teaches dancing to kids all the time and she's basically always communicating effectively to people that are at the beginning of their journey. I'm getting worse at that. If anything, I'm trying to get better. But if everyone had a mentor who cared enough to actually get them to understand what they're capable of, if you had a mentor who could get through to you, dude, you would have been a rapper you would have been.

Kevin:

Only if I wanted it. Only if I wanted it, you would have wanted it if someone could have explained maybe maybe, dude, I I was. I was in the gym recently and how the? Hell were we talking about? I think I was working out with Bruce the old guy. Old guy, sorry, Bruce. Bruce doesn't know how to listen to podcasts, Bruce isn't listening, but Bruce is an older gentleman.

Alan:

I'm sure he's not offended.

Kevin:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, him and I are buddies. So, yeah, we were working out and one of the personal trainers somehow it got brought up that I used to train martial arts and he's like, oh, who'd you train under? And I said a guy named Dan Simler in Worcester. He's like, oh, dan Simler Like yeah yeah.

Kevin:

Dan, dan Simler. He was one of the best grapplers in the country. He was like world class. The school I went to was phenomenal. The teachings were phenomenal.

Kevin:

Then what was the problem? I wasn't dedicated enough. That why? Because I didn't want it like somebody who I was more dedicated to other stuff than I was to dedicated to that. This is the first time I've ever really been dedicated to something Like really, really Bodybuilding. Yeah, Bodybuilding and podcasting those are the two things that I've been the most dedicated to, and everything else was just kind of like. I was above average To Taryn too, for sure. Yeah, yeah, I was above average and I got significance doing it and it was in alignment and I enjoyed it, but it was never.

Kevin:

I think the idea of it to this, to this episode's point, the idea of it, was much better than it actually was. Even rapping I rapped a little this weekend and again, I'm out of practice last weekend. I'm out of practice, so I haven't been doing it. And talk about writer's block and you know how it is. You take a couple days off from podcasting. It's like do I even have words? I even know words. I've taken months off of rapping, so, but that's something alan and I talked about it's like, dude, I'd love to. I don't know, man, I just would like a little more time to rap and do stuff like that. But that that was never something I ever thought about doing consciously, it was just I had. I, when I was in high school, somehow I figured out how to rap on my shitty laptop that I had. I had no idea, I just figured it out. I don't even know if, like Google, probably wasn't great. I don't know how I figured out how to do it. And then I just that was it.

Kevin:

And then when we started podcasting particularly in like 2018, actually, when my girlfriend left me, when my ex-girlfriend left me, I started writing. I remember that. I remember the night she left, I was writing. I started writing Right when she left, I started writing. I was like I'm going to start writing poetry. Then I started recording stuff. And then in 2018, 2019, I was writing all the time because we there wasn't shit going on. You know we were podcasting, but matt was at work. I had the house to myself most of the time. I was just like writing songs and recording them and making like little music videos. It's freaking awesome. And then we got busier and it was like well, that's not, that's not going to be the thing. It can be a thing eventually and I need to do enough to maintain it, but it can't be the thing. I can't be more dedicated to that than I am to this right, that's a dangerous game.

Alan:

I know we gotta jump here. Last comment slash question the idea of someone or something versus it really how many? I do feel like a lot of people and I was on an entrepreneurship show earlier and she asked me a question about early entrepreneurs because that's her listeners and I said anyone who says I want to start a business because I want more free time, it's a bold-faced lie. It's an absolute lie. Now, the people who have more free time in their business, the entrepreneurs, are on the very tail end of that journey and I've got the stats to back this up. So my point is the idea of entrepreneurship is very sexy. The idea of having a pool is very sexy. The idea of dating a fitness model is very sexy. The idea of being a fitness model is very sexy. The idea of doing a fitness show and winning a fitness show is very sexy, of absolutely terrible sometimes, and I feel like if we were more honest with ourselves.

Alan:

So this is the question to bring it home, and then I want to hear your perspective on it. If the beneath the iceberg is something that you actually are drawn to, that might be your thing, or your person, emilia's work ethic and her growth mindset and her relentless, undying self-belief toward her goals and dreams. That is attractive to me like I want that part more than the shiny stuff that comes with it. And achieving goals with her is 10 times easier than it is doing it alone. It's that was I remember thinking to myself. This is way freaking easier. I started a business with her, dude. The thing just runs. No, it's because of all of the stuff she always is doing.

Kevin:

You're looking for a partner to buy in.

Alan:

It's unbelievable. She's just a self-starter. But when you like the beneath the iceberg stuff, I think that might mean you don't need to like every day, but that might mean it's your thing. Whereas if you want the result and you think the idea of the result would be nice, you've got to be real careful.

Kevin:

Well, it's the thing that I've been saying a lot, especially on other podcasts, is I don't care what your goals are. I care the process that you're willing to put up with until you accomplish them. That's it. I don't care about the goal. The goal doesn't matter to me. I don't care Not that I don't care what somebody's goal like. Good for you. I respect that. I appreciate that. I don't care about the goal unless the lifestyle that you're willing to live until you accomplish it is aligned, because if it's not, the goal does not matter.

Alan:

That client that you referred to at the beginning? Is she someone who is drawn to the underneath of the iceberg more than the results?

Alan:

that is a common trait of successful people, for sure yeah, I would say so they, they like the under belly nice, the underbelly of the iceberg, the beneath the iceberg. They're more focused on that than they are the stuff at the top. Those are the people that I, I find, tend to. One of my clients I'm thinking of right now. I mean he's winning at youtube very much right now, but he doesn't care. I mean, we tracked nine metrics. No one even knows half of those things. It's average, whatever avp, ctr. I don't even know them. I don't right, I'm just helping him track them and we designed it.

Alan:

He has nine metrics for each video. Each video has nine metrics Every day. Three videos a day. He's going to win. He's just going to win, but remember he's working on Christmas and so, yeah, I do think that the world would benefit tremendously from knowing the entire iceberg and unfortunately, a lot of people don't talk about the below the iceberg because it's not really fun to talk about. Mlb players don't like to talk about how miserable they are on the road. It's hard to sell that. It's very hard to sell that, yeah exactly.

Kevin:

It's hard to sell that and if you're trying to sell it, you sell the dream. I shared a meme with Alan before we get on here. It's this guy who does these satirical videos. I don't know. I'll actually I should give his name, just because usually when I say stuff like this it's like I have no idea who this person is. Let me actually give you his name because, yeah, that was funny.

Alan:

At first I'm like why the hell are you sending me this? And then I saw so funny.

Kevin:

Yeah, it's hilarious, it's Rap. Name Fogie R-A-P-N-A-M-E-F-O-G-I-E. I don't know if that's how you pronounce it. You know well, if I had ten thousand dollars to my name, I'd go buy. I'd go buy 16 rental properties right off the top and then I'd move into one and I rent out the 15 and then, as I did that, I'd move out and then I buy another. I buy 32 the next time. So then I'd bet at this point I'd have 47 and I'd say the next transaction I probably buy 90 of them. So at this point I have like 135 and then I'm on track to be a billionaire in two years. And he does like cool, just funny videos on that. But this one was somebody was giving a testimonial for a course and he had a gun to his head and then you can't see the gun, you can't see the gun until you like, accidentally show it, but he's very scared.

Kevin:

It's very funny. It is funny, it's very. It's very funny, but it's I don't know. I think the mark, now more than ever, I think the mark of a good mentor, is somebody who stops you from going too far down a path that you don't actually want to go down.

Alan:

Yeah, don't do anything that feels too unnatural was some of the best advice I've ever gotten, because, while I didn't like it at the time, he was trying to save me from future divorce because I was doing too many things that felt unnatural. I remember she actually asked me hey, will you watch Trash TV with me? And I remember thinking it was a finale and right in the middle of it I remember saying I can never do that again.

Alan:

In my head, I didn't have the courage to say it to her, but if I had known it was a finale, it was like two and a half hours. I was the courage to say it to her, but I, if I had known it was a finale, it was like two and a half hours. I was losing my mind, dude. I was like so upset I was trying to, I was planning my exit and the truth is I never can do that. I can't do that.

Alan:

It's never gonna be who I am, and I think that's one of the reasons why it's so confusing when people say choose easy, because in a relationship my relationship with emilia is easy in comparison to that, it just works. However, however, I have to earn it every day by being a great man and by staying in alignment with who I am, and so I think it all comes down to owning who you are. We've been talking a lot about that lately, like, if you're not naturally an achiever, understand that and be an entrepreneur, right. If you're not a natural born entrepreneur, don't be. Trust me. It's very, very last story. I promise I'm watching this interview about the founders of netflix. There's two, two guys who founded the company, and reed hastings is one of them and the other one I forget his name, mark randolph.

Kevin:

I think that's the one, yep, exactly mark and reed, and reed is the math guy.

Alan:

And Reed Hastings is one of them and the other one, I forget his name Mark Randolph. I think that's the one. Yep, exactly, mark and Reed. And Reed is the math guy and he is the one that is typically villainized and the other one is so he's me and Kevin is Mark.

Alan:

And Mark talked about on the interview how the hardest time he had at Netflix everyone thought it was going to be the dot-com bubble exploding and he said no, it was when Reed came into the office and said hey, we need to talk, and I thought about you and I and this didn't happen not in the same way, but I think it's interesting and he had a whole PowerPoint presentation for how Mark was screwing up as CEO, had a whole powerpoint presentation for how mark was screwing up as ceo. And mark said listen, I'm not going to sit here and watch you give me a powerpoint presentation on how much I suck. And reed said no, no, I'm not trying to be unkind, I I still want you as coo, but I I feel like you're making some serious l's here, like if we're gonna really scale this thing. And they just said no to amazon buying them out, like not a year earlier. You're just too emotional you're. You need to think strategically. And mark went home and this is his words, not mine on the interview. He said, yeah, I really thought about, I had to set my ego aside, and the truth is, is what's best for the company? Is reed running it? And the truth is, is that's if, if they, if mark didn't do that, he said netflix would not be what it is today. And I just got off a coaching session with two individuals. One of them's been at disney for 15 plus maybe 20 years and the other one's been at netflix for almost 20 years. And I'm talking to them about this and it's my favorite. I love business and it's very clear that Reed was the guy that could grow and scale that company and there's no way that it could have worked any other way.

Alan:

And I think that our egos get in the way. And what is your ego? Your ego is who you think you are versus who you really are. So here I am trying to be like Kevin and here'svin trying to be like me A while ago. I think we're really growing out of that, but at the end of the day, you can kid yourself for the rest of your life, and same with me, you know, but it's never gonna. It's. It's not doing you a service, it's not doing your partner a service. It's not doing your company a service. It's not doing your team a service. And I'm an engineer through and through, and unless I own that, it's gonna hurt everyone I love and it's definitely gonna hurt me, and, uh, I think it's the. The paradox of life is figuring out who you really are, rather than this idea of you that you always wish you had and it's one of those things that seems better than it is.

Kevin:

Yeah, you, you're the guy or you're whatever. You're the girl, you're the guy that everybody looks up to, but realistically, you know you shouldn't be doing what you're doing, and then everything goes to shit. Nobody wants that. Yeah, nobody wants that. 50, 50 something minutes for us that's.

Alan:

This is a rarity. I think we're being us.

Kevin:

I love it no, we gotta be us quicker, though. Probably right you think I like it? I do too. I just know that we're definitely gonna have to be quicker.

Alan:

I don't want to.

Kevin:

I wish we could do hour episodes every day.

Alan:

I told her this is a me date, so I think I feel energetically me date tonight.

Kevin:

Tonight's a we date. Oh so you really got to go then? No, no, it's okay.

Kevin:

Taryn's 8 o'clock. Taryn knew I told her. I told her we had to move it. This is a good one, though. I enjoyed this one very much. This is a good freestyle Friday. We went all over the place, but we stayed in the same silo, went deep. It was good an opportunity to whether it's be a part of a deep conversation or have a deep conversation with yourself. While we're having a deep conversation, whatever, whatever it is, whatever it is that you feel when we're chatting, make sure you are subscribed to whatever podcast platform you are listening on and or watching us on. So we are doing video on spotify, video on youtube, so we are there for video as well, shout out to both j Jenna and Cole, two of my clients.

Alan:

They both posted, I guess. Cole, he did a video and he had the Dreamliner in it. I screenshotted it and shared it. But the Dreamliner. So we are what? 13 days out from the new year, the Dreamliner will help you reverse, engineer your goals and get on track and stay on track.

Alan:

Top three most important tasks for the day. It starts out with gratitude most important win, most important improvement next level lesson Did you check off your habits? It's just, it's one journal that is. It's enough to where it's powerful and it's worth it, but it's not going to take you an hour a day, it's 10 minutes a day, every day. Stay on track towards your goals and dreams. Next Level Dreamliner and it's on Amazon. The link will be in the show notes and when you type in, if you do type in on Amazon Next Level Dreamliner, just make sure you pick the one that says Next Level Dreamliner on the cover, because the old version just says Dreamliner and it'll come up after a couple cruises and some airlines. But ultimately it's how to climb towards your goals and dreams and how to stay on track and it'll definitely help you be far more productive and far more focused in 2025, which obviously all of us need in this wildly distracting 21st century.

Kevin:

I use mine every day, huge fan as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. And at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow, talk to you soon. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University.

Alan:

We love connecting with the Next Level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

Host