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How I Finally (ACTUALLY) Became Self Confident (1930)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Building confidence isn’t a mystical pursuit reserved for a select few. It’s a skill anyone can develop with the right mindset. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros share personal stories and practical lessons on building confidence—not through perfection but by embracing discomfort and learning from setbacks. Learn how starting small and setting achievable goals can spark significant growth. Explore how fear limits potential and why facing it opens new doors. Ready to step beyond fear and build lasting self-belief? Tune in now for actionable insights to reshape your mindset.

Links mentioned:
Monthly Meet-up #37: “Setting Clear, Compelling, and Achievable Goals for 2025” - https://bit.ly/49SyVHz
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://bit.ly/3BQBYDr
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:49) Fear is a fence to overcome
(4:45) Gaining confidence through loss
(7:08) The reality of growth and success
(10:46) Experience as the key to growth
(15:01) Manifesting self-fulfilling prophecies
(17:50) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

there's something about absorption over time. When you do something for long enough, you absorb the lessons. There's a difference between getting a lesson and absorbing a lesson. Those are two very, very different things, and I think I've just been able to absorb more lessons at this point just because I've had more lessons and then I've reflected, but I think most of it's time we want your goals and your.

Alan Lazaros

New Year's resolutions for 2025 to be so achievable that maybe you'd be embarrassed to share them with your social circles because it doesn't sound cool. Hey, I want to get three clients in the first quarter of 2025. It doesn't sound cool. I don't care if it sounds cool. If you keep playing for what sounds cool, you're in so much trouble.

Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and.

Alan Lazaros

I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus, at.

Kevin Palmieri

NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

We bring you a new episode every single day, on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University, completely free. Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1930, how I finally actually became self-confident. What are those Adverbs? Finally? Actually I don't know what those are, but I put both of those back to back. I don't know if you're allowed to do that.

Kevin Palmieri

Alan and I were talking and while we were on, we got an email of something good and Alan said strong work, man. I said hey, man, thanks. And he said are you actually confident? And I said yeah, yeah, I'm actually confident. Why, he said I was just wondering how did you actually get confident? We should do an episode on that. And I said, yeah, I mean we can.

Fear is a fence to overcome

Kevin Palmieri

I don't know if I have a good answer, other than I mean it's been a long time of trying. That's one thing. But as I was thinking, I was like all right, let me think Alan had to run to the bathroom before we recorded. And I was thinking, and I think the best answer I can give is state-proof, self-assigned. We've talked about that, but we'll go into that a little bit. That would be one state-proof, self-assigned. We've talked about that, but we'll go into that a little bit. That would be one.

Kevin Palmieri

And then you've heard me say this before and I say this in speeches all the time fear is a fence. And you walk up to the fence and you decide well, life would be really cool on the other side of the fence, but I can't do it because I'm afraid of what's on the other side of the fence. I've had the opportunity to jump on the other side of that fence and then come to the next fence and have the same thing. If I don't really want to go. I mean, life seems like it would be really good on the other side of that fence.

Kevin Palmieri

I don't know if I really want to do it and then I jump on the other side of that fence. And I've just done that long enough over the last eight years where I've had a lot of times where I've jumped on the other side of the fence and then things have gone wrong. But I had already locked in what I'd rather be on this side of the fence, going through some discomfort, than on the other side of the fence and really comfortable. I'd rather be on the constructive, productive side of the fence. I'd rather be expanding the fence rather than and going through whatever that whatever's associated with that, than being where I used to be and getting nothing. And I think that's probably the best answer I can give, because I know it's really easy to jump from. Okay, I am where I am right now and there's no way I can get to the next level. Because even if I did get to the next level, if something went wrong at the next level, it would break me. So you just kind of stop reaching.

Kevin Palmieri

Last night we had our team call, so, as of recording this, it was last night, every other Wednesday and we went through and we said what was the biggest win of the year, what was the most important improvement, what was the lesson, and I said the lesson for me, and the thing that I'm most proud of this year is I lost more clients this year than I have lost in the previous four years, because I also got more clients over the last couple of years than I had gotten in the first four years, or however many it's been.

Kevin Palmieri

And I said that there's something to that when you go through something that you can't ever imagine going through and then you get through it on the other side and you have all the lessons and the pain has kind of worn off, I think you become more confident of well, next time something like that happens again, I'll be more prepared for it. I don't know what it's going to be, I'm not 100% prepared for it, but I just feel like I'm more prepared for it. So I think that would be probably the best example I could give if I was forced to give a singular example.

Alan Lazaros

I just thought of a fighter who fights for a living, gets punched in the face or kicked in the face all the time and they aren't that taken aback by it. But if someone who's never fought before gets punched in the face, that could certainly ruin your day. It would ruin a lot of things. Yeah, and that's, I think, a good metaphor for self-confidence is. Is not I'm so confident that nothing's gonna go wrong? It's I'm so confident that when things go wrong, I can handle it. Yeah, and I don't think you can build real confidence without going into the arena, and exposure therapy is essentially just keep exposing yourself more, and more and more to the thing, because on the team huddle last night, which normally it's Wednesdays, we did it on Thursdayursday because wednesday was christmas you talked about how many clients we have 54 podcasters plus 11 for group coaching, so 65 podcasters and more clients than we've ever had at next level podcast solutions, which is the part of the business that you champion More clients than we've ever had. But you also lost more clients than you've ever lost, and I think that that's something that I think maybe is under-talked about in success and achievement and life is in order to reach a new level, a next level.

Alan Lazaros

Let's say you currently have 10 clients and you want to get to 20. How many clients do you have to lose to get from 10 to 20? I have 28 clients plus the team. I'm coaching 37 people. I made a thread post about this earlier. That's the most people I've ever coached in my entire life. But how many clients have I lost in order to get to 37? Yeah, because it's not like I've only coached 37 people. It's it was two, then one, then four, then three, then seven, then five, then nine, then seven, then you know, 17 all of a sudden, and then back to 10. That's the Dell, then seven, then 17 all of a sudden and then back to 10, that's the delta.

Alan Lazaros

When the delta goes from seven to 10, that's when it hurts the most, and then from 10 to 12 and 14, and it keeps going up, go ahead.

Kevin Palmieri

I don't know if you can actually be confident unless you lose yeah real confidence is not from winning.

Alan Lazaros

It's from learning how to lose with grace I.

Kevin Palmieri

I say that all the time on other podcasts. Imagine imagine american football, the quarterback. Just every time they throw it it's a perfect throw and they score a touchdown every single time. Of course they're going to seem confident. I want to know what happens when they throw an interception. I want to know what happens. That's true confidence is saying okay, my last throw, my last speech, my last podcast episode, my last relationship, my last marriage, my last connection with my family was hot garbage. How do I make sure the same thing doesn't happen again? And then you go do it and you try.

Kevin Palmieri

That, I think, is confidence. I think confidence is the understanding that, even if it does go wrong, you'll find a way to either figure it out or get through it. You might not come out the other end with all the things that you wanted, but you'll come out the other end with all the things that you wanted, but you'll come out with ingredients that'll make the recipe better next time. And I think it's just for me, it's just been time. I've just done this long enough where I'm the most confident I've ever been, but I still have so many lessons to learn. It just seems like I'm starting to. This is going to sound super weird. It just now seems like I'm starting to figure out some certain things. It's like oh, that's crossed the threshold. I really understand that now, but I thought I already understood it. So how many of those things just haven't happened yet? And then when those happen, I think I'll be more confident. The whole money thing I'm really starting to understand money now.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

But it's taken probably I don't know three years of thinking. I really understood money Like fitness. I'm really dialed in. I mean, I've been exercising for a long time, a long time, but now it's really starting to. Everything's really starting to make sense. But now it's really starting to. Everything is really starting to make sense. But I don't know if you get that if you don't do it for a long enough period of time. There's something about just there's something about absorption over time. When you do something for long enough, you absorb the lessons. There's a difference between getting a lesson and absorbing a lesson. Those are two very, very different things, and I think I've just been able to absorb more lessons at this point just because I've had more lessons and then I've reflected, but I think most of it's time I think that's really I've been really focused on trying to become more confident since we started this journey Really, and that's a big piece of it.

Alan Lazaros

You and I both love the movie Warrior.

Alan Lazaros

Yes great movie, so good, one of the best, if you can get past the. It's about character development. I love it. There's one scene where he's talking to his wife the main character and he says these aren't real fighters, these are guys who have watched too much UFC, and he's referring to when he was a kid. He wrestled and so did his brother. For a decade they wrestled and what he was trying to say is these are people that have watched it. They haven't done it, and I think that's what you're talking about when you say absorption. It's people who I could have read every relationship book out there. But if I mean before Emilia, I was 29, almost 30, when I met Emilia, but I had been dating since I was. My first girlfriend was third grade. How old was I in third grade? I ain't the one to ask I had. This is alarming and actually kind of funny. I had two girlfriends, uh, clarissa and britney, that said they were going to share me I was like the.

Alan Lazaros

I had the bull cut blonde hair going, so backstreet boys were big back then and I was. I was definitely riding that train you were Nick. Carter. I was Nick Carter, yeah, and they said they were gonna share me, so I had Brittany and Clarissa.

Kevin Palmieri

Very thoughtful of them. That's very yeah, yeah, I was game.

Alan Lazaros

Oh yeah, sounds great, perfect. This is. This is interesting. I don't think I even cared, I just want to play sports. We used to have hab dances and I remember they would be crying. It's's oh, Clarissa's crying again. I'm like, ah, you missed the last slow song. It's like I was playing football. I was getting tackled. Tackle a man with the ball dude. I wonder if they still play that. There was grown men tackling kids On AstroTurf, on AstroTurf.

Kevin Palmieri

Not great.

Alan Lazaros

Not, there was less. There's a lot of rambunctious things going on back in the day. Anyways, my point of all that I've been dating since I was in third grade, so I've been interacting and dating and learning and my first kiss was probably third grade. Like all that stuff and you, just you can't. You can't absorb lessons and really learn things at a deep, deep, deep, deep level unless you're in the arena, unless you're in it doing it. That's why experience is so important and everyone comes hot out of the gate.

Alan Lazaros

I remember when I was an engineer and I remember I worked for a company called iRobot and I was in a meeting. No, 21 year old should have been in this meeting. This was a very I mean, they're talking $100 million contract, like that kind of stuff. And I remember I got out of that meeting going I am so fucked Like I can't hang in these rooms, like this is ridiculous and this is just normal for them because they do this all the time.

Alan Lazaros

And I remember these other companies iRob, upset because of xyz I'm not even technically allowed to talk about it, whatever but I remember getting out of that room going I need to figure this the fuck out. Like I need to go learn this stuff, because I'm so dumb compared to these people. And and there's something about being willing to be in over your head it's almost like, yeah, there's a possibility that you drown, but if you don't, and you can learn how to swim, I mean you're going to be flourishing and that's what you've done for like eight years. And in eight more years you're going to be like wow, I didn't know anything back then. It's so hard to explain. Well, what are the odds?

Alan Lazaros

you actually drown, though it's very low, very low, very low.

Manifesting self-fulfilling prophecies

Kevin Palmieri

Even that analogy, it's a really good analogy or a really good example. But you're not really going to drown because you're not actually swimming and you can stop at any time. Yeah, you can just say, like you know, I don't want to do it today, alright, don't do it, you don't have to do it today, but you're not gonna. But, yeah, it's, I'm telling you, it's almost. I was thinking of this the other day I was driving to. It was the day before Christmas Eve and I had to go to Target. Mistake, don't do that but I was.

Kevin Palmieri

I was going to Target and I was literally thinking to myself all manifesting is is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. But most people, when they talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy, they just talk about the negative.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, well said so when you, if you right now, are thinking I am in a relationship that I don't deserve, you're going to find a way to fuck it up. You're going to manifest the outcome that you don't want. Manifesting is the same thing. It's just the opposite. I was thinking of that. I think for most people, we just If you've determined you're afraid of something and you can't do something, now that's off limits and you'll never become more confident than you are in that arena. You can't't. You've literally decided that you can't do it again. I'm as guilty as as humanly possible when it comes to this. I've I've done so much of that in the past. There's uh, so how many details can I get? Flying next year for matt's bachelor party? We're flying somewhere and one of the people who got invited he's like oh, dude, I don't fly.

Kevin Palmieri

Like yeah, no, I understand Same, don't like it, I will always have more opportunity in the grand scheme of the world than he will, because he's never going to fly. He's determined.

Alan Lazaros

It's off limits. Think about how many things are now off limits.

Kevin Palmieri

So many things, yeah, so many things, yeah. But he determined that it was off limits.

Alan Lazaros

From that one decision based on a fear that is irrational. Planes are safe. It is irrational.

Kevin Palmieri

I still hate it, but now.

Kevin Palmieri

That's fine If he did that and proved to himself that, okay, that's something that I determined was completely off limits. I was able to face. It went better than I expected, and look at the amount of things that have opened up. What's the next thing? What's the next thing? I was thinking of this the other day. Going to Scotland changed my life In probably no physical ways that you'll see, but like I have a new perspective and it was some of the most beautiful things I've ever seen and we were driving on the side of mountains with sheep. It was like really cool. It was really cool experience that I'll never forget.

Kevin Palmieri

Seven years ago that wasn't possible because I decided it wasn't possible. And there's something. There's something to that and I think that's a. That's a huge piece of confidence. A huge piece of confidence is understanding that the reason you're not more confident is because you're not willing to be. Yet You've determined that where you are is where you're going to stay. And again, this is coming from somebody who I was the poster child of that, so I'm not making you wrong for that. I'm just saying that's been a big shift for me.

Alan Lazaros

NLU listener what is happening? I just wanted to jump in here and let you know if you want to get to the next level faster. We have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month. You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. The link to register will be in the show notes. For someone who Kevin a few, probably three weeks ago, he showed a video of him nine years ago acting very confident, and in his voice you can hear that he's not actually very confident, at least not compared to now, and in his voice you can hear that he's not actually very confident, at least not compared to now. I wanted to ask you what you think now has made the difference, now that you actually feel like you're self-confident and again there's levels. Obviously you're never going to stop, but you're more confident than you've ever been, probably 100 times more confident than that person 10 years ago. Is that fair?

Kevin Palmieri

How many times more confident? Oh boy, I don't know, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know 10 times.

Alan Lazaros

Is that fair? I think 10. Yeah, 10's good, we'll say 10. So Kevin's 10 times more confident than he was 10 years ago. Numbers work out nice.

Kevin Palmieri

What are? What are the top three things that made a difference? One admitting when you're not. I think the measure of true confidence is somebody has the ability to admit when they're actually not feeling confident. That, because now I will almost never do something and pretend I'm confident when I'm not. So it's like admitting that you're not as confident as you wish you were was one of the most important things I ever did. For sure, that was like. My identity for a while was I'm the person who lacks confidence. That was my identity, and you're the person who had extreme confidence.

Alan Lazaros

A lot of people would consider that a limiting identity. I don't think it was. I think it was empowering.

Kevin Palmieri

I think it was accurate. That was based on where I was. I'm the guy who's currently struggling. Now it's not that I didn't want to stay there. That wasn't the identity that I wanted forever, but that was the identity that I felt like I had, and I want to work past that. For me, that was one for sure Two. I mean, you've got to have a reason. You've got to have a reason bigger than just. I want to be more confident.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, that bachelor party isn't a big enough reason maybe to fly for that person If it was a funeral or something that was 10 out of 10 important. If you have a level 8 fear and you know that it's holding you back from a level 10 value, you'll probably do it. But yeah, he's like, oh, I don't fly, it's not a big enough reason yeah, it's got to be bigger than just facing the fear.

Kevin Palmieri

It's got to be, bigger, at least in the beginning. I think eventually you can get to a place where you just want to face your fears. I do.

Alan Lazaros

I think you can have enough momentum yeah, I posted something earlier that I only posted because I was afraid to post it yeah, I think you can get enough momentum, but that's only because I'm aware of the downside of not.

Alan Lazaros

Whenever I have a moment, my word is courage for 2025, and whenever I have a moment where I'm, I literally was about to. That's actually why I was late to this meeting by six minutes, as I was focused on doing that. There was something that I wanted to post and then I was like, ah no, and I made, I started rationalizing, not doing it. And then I was like, wait a minute, my word courage. Am I not posting this because I don't have time, or am I not posting this because I'm a little bit of scared?

Alan Lazaros

a little bit of scared a little bit scared to post it and I said ah, a little bit scared? Not a lot, probably a one one out of 10. You got to do it If for no other reason than to stay true to you, to the word of courage. You got to do it. I don't know if anything will come of it. I think something will, but I have to do it, Because inside you, now you move to the fence.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, something. Will anything else come of it, who knows?

Kevin Palmieri

but something already did, Because you did something that you were a little bit afraid of. So internally internally for sure, I would say. The last thing is something we started with at the top. It was state prove and self-assign. I told you I've been very excited about this. I set a financial goal for the quarter that I was going to earn x amount of dollars, and I am very close. It's probably going to happen, Probably going to happen. It's not just about the goal, though. I told Alan. I said when we were talking. What is it? 20 bucks, $20, yeah.

Alan Lazaros

I'm at 18 out of 20.

Kevin Palmieri

If anybody wants to send me, the two so I can get there. I would appreciate it very much.

Alan Lazaros

I told.

Kevin Palmieri

Alan, I said when we were setting that goal it felt attainable and it felt exciting. There's no possible way. Yeah, you want to journal and you want to say I'm going to be a millionaire by the end of the year, go for it. If that makes you feel good, go for it. If right now you're making $12 an hour, it's going to be really hard for you to be a millionaire. I'm not saying you can't do it, just a lot of stuff is drastically going to have to change.

Alan Lazaros

For the sake of this conversation, because I think it'll be more powerful for the listeners and viewers, the goal that you have for this quarter with just Kev. This doesn't include me, anyone else. This is just an LPS. This is just, and keep in mind, this is business revenue. This is not into the bank account revenue. We need to make that as clear as possible. This is gross revenue, before taxes, before expenses, before before, before payroll, before before. Needs to be clear. Uh, yes, this is the amount that will be in Kevin's bank account. No, Okay, At the beginning of this journey, that wouldn't even have been fathomable to you. No, the number is 42,000, right, 45,000 is the goal. Okay, the goal is 45,000. You're at 42 for the quarter.

Kevin Palmieri

I'm at 42,706.

Alan Lazaros

See, now that's. There's something to that everyone Like think about. He has the exact number, that's something. So 42,706 on his way to 45. And the difference between this and the past Kev was this Kev actually believes that's achievable. It's a stretch, but it's achievable, so it excited you.

Kevin Palmieri

That, and I actually feel like I'm in more control than I have in the past.

Alan Lazaros

There's something, there's something to, there's something to feeling like you're in control of it, so let's go back to the beginning Eight years ago, hyper-conscious podcast before me, and I come to you and I'm your coach and I say hey, man, we're going to gross $42,000. Just you, $42,000 this quarter. What are your thoughts? How would that make? Like what would that even be like? I would say, what's a quarter? What do you mean? 42, 42,000, what 45,000 divided by quarters? That multiplied by four.

Kevin Palmieri

It's funny. What's a?

Alan Lazaros

quarter? I wouldn't even know. I'd say what do you mean? October, November, December, so in three months.

Kevin Palmieri

Oh yeah, that's cool. Yeah, I don't no no. Oh, dude, I don't know. Probably it depends on who it was with. If it was with you, I probably would have.

Alan Lazaros

I might become and again, real quick, I might become the most. I believe in practicality, so much more than I ever did in the past. There are so many people that are out to lunch with their goals and dreams and it's never going to work. There's something about practicality that is so powerful I would. I have one client who makes $10,000. That's an achievable goal for him, but that that's because he's been doing what he's been doing for 12 years or something. 10,000 per month, it's, that's 120 a year. That's. That's a doable thing for him. That's not doable in certain countries. That's not doable for for him. That's not doable in certain countries. That's not doable for everybody. That wouldn't be doable for him at 22. I believe in practicality so deeply, more than ever, because that's a practical goal for you right now. Nine years ago that wasn't practical. That's impossible.

Alan Lazaros

And I wonder if people well impossible, that's a limiting belief? No, no, it's impossible. And I wonder if people well impossible, that's a limiting belief? No, no, it's not. It's empowering to face the. That's like saying, kev, I want you to do 50 jumping jacks in five seconds. It's impossible, no dice. But you can do six in five seconds, right.

Kevin Palmieri

Oh, I don't know, probably five.

Setting practical and achievable goals

Alan Lazaros

You do three, I can do three. See what we just did there. That's good coaching is get you to the sweet spot of you believe you can do it, but it's a little bit of a stretch A little side tangent.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, no, I think it's great because I think that's the way to You're not. I never would have built confidence if I kept setting goals and never accomplished them, even though it sounds sexy to say. Yeah, I mean how it took us seven years to get a million listens. Imagine if I tried to do that in the first year and I didn't get it. I got a thousand. I'd be crushed. I'd be crushed. Well, this isn't for me. I'm not smart, Excuse me, sir A thousand fifty six, what is it?

Alan Lazaros

Don't get it twisted. A don't get it twisted.

Kevin Palmieri

1056, 1056 something like that 1054, 1056, whatever it was. But I think setting accurate goals is one of the most important things ever of all time, and I do think so much of the advice out there comes from people who have so much self belief that they don't understand what it's like not to and I know it sounds dumb set a goal. Set a goal that's almost embarrassingly small. I know it sounds dumb, I know, I know it does, but I'd rather you prove to yourself that you can do it than you can set a bigger one and then set a bigger one and then set a bigger one. That that's how I kick the field goal.

Kevin Palmieri

I put the ball on the field where I think I can actually kick the field goal. It's going to be a stretch, it's going to take a lot, but I think I can do it. I feel like I can do it. I kick the field goal, then I move the ball back five yards and I try it again that. But if I'm kicking long field goals now a lot of football analogies the only reason is because in the beginning I was terrible at kicking field goals and I just practiced and then I tried to move it back a little bit and move it back, and then sometimes I moved it back too far and then I couldn't do it, so I moved it forward again, and it's just that it's the sweet spot.

Starting small and building big

Alan Lazaros

To bring everyone back to the beginning of this, when Kevin and I first started coaching, it was free and he had a client who he eventually said I can't do this for free anymore. I got to pay my bills, we got to make this thing work. We got to build a business and he charged $50 an hour. Was it 50 or 75? 50. 50? $50 an hour for coaching, 50 per call? Yeah, there are coaches and mentors that have laughed at us for that. We had one mentor who said Alan, you might as well just do it for free. It's like, dude, I built a real business. I can't. I remember I never, I never forgot him saying that. I know you didn't either. It's like what do you mean, man? I make a. It pisses me off. I'm not going to go off the rails here, but like, what do you mean? I just started coaching not that long ago. What are you talking about? And, by the way, you went out of business and his son just saying his business was bankrupt in less than a year from that conversation. So bad advice sucks and I really hope I'm grateful all the listeners are here and starting small and building. You can't start small and stay small. Right, you gotta start small and build and then build and then build. We started coaching for free baby. Now we have six figure coaching practices. That's awesome, but it took a long freaking time and a lot of effort and a lot of work and I think that that's just really important to understand. So big things start small. They just don't stay small.

Alan Lazaros

If you're doing it right and new year's is coming up and we're going to talk about goal setting on the meetup, it's it's how to set clear, compelling and achievable goals for 2025 clear, compelling and achievable goals for 2025. If you set a goal that is completely impossible to hit for your current self, based on maybe a delusional version of yourself, or maybe you're embarrassed to set your goal, why wouldn't I be embarrassed if I have a mentor saying that, of course, but that's, that mentor went out of business within the year. Just don't listen to the impractical advice out there. I think the practical advice is what do you feel? What's a goal that you feel like you can hit? It's going to be, it's going to can hit. It's going to require work, it's going to require you to grow, it's going to require courage, but you can hit it. It's doable? Because if I go back to the $50 an hour Kev and I say hey, man, I need you to gross $42,000 this quarter, what are your thoughts?

Kevin Palmieri

That means, you need 8,000 clients.

Alan Lazaros

It's like, well, I don't know sales, yet I. It's like, well, I don't know sales, yet I don't care, man, you got this.

Kevin Palmieri

And I don't know if I'm a good coach. Yeah, that's why I started for free. I've never done this. I don't know if I'm good at it, I don't even know what I'm doing. I think it's wildly irresponsible to tell someone they should charge money for that. Agreed, I do. I think it's wildly irresponsible Because it just sets people up for failure. It does. It just sets people up for failure, and that's the opposite of building confidence. Then you assume I did something wrong, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough. No, somebody gave you shitty advice and you took the advice, and now you've taken that as your identity. And now you're so afraid to try something new because you think you're broken, when in reality the strategy was just jeffed. Unfortunately. Unfortunately, all right, we'll have the link in the show notes for the meetup. It is the first thursday of january, which is what the third? It is january 2nd, at 5 pm eastern standard time. What is it? How it? How to set? Oh, I got it. How to set. I've lost it.

Alan Lazaros

Please hold Setting clear, compelling and achievable goals for 2025. The key word there is achievable.

Kevin Palmieri

Do it different.

Alan Lazaros

We want you to be. We want your goals and your new year's resolutions for 2025 to be so achievable that maybe you'd be embarrassed to share them with your social circles because it doesn't sound cool. Hey, I want to get three clients in the first quarter of 2025. It doesn't sound cool. It's like oh, whoop-dee-doo, basil it. I don don't care if it sounds cool. If you keep playing for what sounds cool, you're in so much trouble, I think that's a very good point.

Outro

Kevin Palmieri

And so you set a small goal for the year and you accomplish it in the first quarter. Cool, you can reset the goal, awesome, nice. Now you're playing a really winning game. You might actually exceed your expectations. Great, great, especially if you're somebody who's working on building confidence. I think that's the way to do it. If you are somebody who is looking to get to the next level which you obviously are because you're listening to this podcast make sure you join our private Facebook group called Next Level Nation and tell a friend, tell a friend, and tell a friend and tell a friend who told a friend, because we're all leveling up together. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at nlu we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow keep after it next level nation thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university.

Kevin Palmieri

We love connecting with the next level family.

Alan Lazaros

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host