Next Level University

Why New Year’s Resolutions Almost NEVER Work (1935)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Why do 91% of New Year’s resolutions fail? In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan break down the secrets to lasting success, revealing how small, consistent habits can transform your life. Discover how iconic figures turned failures into resilience, and uncover practical strategies for using discipline, motivation, and habit-tracking to achieve your goals. Whether striving for personal growth, financial freedom, or deeper relationships, this episode offers actionable tools to help you redefine success on your terms. Don’t wait—start building habits that genuinely matter today!

Links mentioned:
Subscribe & follow -  https://www.buzzsprout.com/742955/share
Monthly Meet-up #37: “Setting Clear, Compelling, and Achievable Goals for 2025” - https://bit.ly/49SyVHz

______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://bit.ly/3BQBYDr
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:10) Setting realistic goals for success
(8:05) Motivated by failure
(17:26) Custom goal-setting and self-discipline
(22:52) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching. https://bit.ly/49SyVHz
(23:40) The power of self-discipline and consistency
(28:43) Challenges of discipline and goal-setting
(35:35) Building habits for long-term success
(42:11) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

the reason you want it now is the reason you haven't gotten it yet. You just continue down the same cycle of well, this year it'll be different. The year is not going to be any different unless we approach it differently. If you're out of the race after the first lap, it doesn't matter how many laps the race is, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You have to make sure you're there after the first lap and the second lap.

Alan Lazaros:

And that's what I think of the months as Just understand that there's an upside to that, and the upside to that is that you're not always up against it. You actually probably have a decent relationship with yourself. However, it doesn't mean you can't improve over time. And for the people out there that are really really, really, really, really consistent, and you're sitting there going, how in the hell do they do that? Trust me, it's darker than you think.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros:

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri:

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal, with every episode is to help you level up your life, love health. With every episode is to help you level up your life, love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. Welcome to Next Level University, Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today for episode number 1,935. Why New Year resolutions almost never work Real quick.

Alan Lazaros:

What do you need? Is it New Year's resolutions or New?

Kevin Palmieri:

Year. Yeah, I think it's New Year's, but remember how we had the talk yesterday about New Year. I'm going to add an apostrophe S to the title, so now it'll be New Years. You're right on that one. You're right on that one. I did a little research before because I want to have some numbers that go with what we're talking about.

Kevin Palmieri:

This is according to Forbes. I don't really believe almost anything in any magazines anymore because if you can pay to be in the magazine, it's like how true is it? I don't know, but a staggering 91% of people fail to keep their New Year's resolutions, with only 9% feeling successful in maintaining them by year's end. I don't know what that means. I don't know what feeling successful means as opposed to like actually hitting it. I don't know. And genuinely I'm not sure. Even more alarming 23% quit their resolutions by the end of the first week and 43% of them abandoned by the end of January. So Alan said Kev, what do you think of New Year's resolutions? Let's do an episode on that, and I think Alan knows my take on it, and I think most people probably do too. I think it's yeah. It sets you up for failure. Most people probably do too. I think it's. Yeah, it sets you up for failure.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think, more than more than anything, you're trying to condense a year of results in one goal, and I think it's really so. We're resetting our goals for 2025. Will I have a yearly goal? Yes, but that yearly goal gets broken down into quarterly goals, which then get broken down into daily habits. So I'm focused on the daily habit as much, if not more, than the yearly goal, because the only way to accomplish the yearly goal is to do the stuff day in and day out, and I just think that it's very easy to say you know what? I am going to turn my life around this year. I'm not saying you can't do it, I'm not saying you can't turn your life around, but if that's where you start, you might be setting yourself up for failure.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think, no matter what, you might face embarrassment when it comes to your goals. I would rather you set an embarrassingly small goal, accomplish it and then reset, than set a stretch goal that just isn't realistic and then you get embarrassed when you can't keep up with it three weeks into the year. That's how I feel about that. I saw something today and now a lot of it's making sense to me now more than ever.

Kevin Palmieri:

But Tim Grover, who was Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant's coach sorry, personal trainer, correct he did a post and it said something along the lines of it's like set unreasonable goals and find a way to accomplish them, essentially. But the people that resonate most with Tim Grover are people who are super high achievers, who have very, very high self-belief, or very delusional people or very delusional people. But if he's putting that out there, he knows that's what his audience wants to see. So again, I'm not making that wrong. I just don't think that for most people he coached two, of the most, he was the personal trainer for two of the most successful basketball players ever of all time yeah, michael jordan for 15 years, that's that's a.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's a very specific type of human it's a very specific.

Alan Lazaros:

Michael j Jordan is specifically different.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, I would say so.

Alan Lazaros:

I would say so, yeah, probably right.

Kevin Palmieri:

So that set of goals, that frame for setting goals, I think is probably dangerous for the vast majority of the population.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm willing to bet if you took a group of 100 people and you put them in a room and you and I sat down with them and said, all right, cool, what's your New Year's resolution? And let's say somebody said I'm going to lose 50 pounds this year. And we said, all right, what if we said you're going to go to the gym three times a week, let's say two times a week for the first month, and then you'll go three times a week for the second month, and then we meet in the third month and then, now that you're running that as a habit, we talk about nutrition. What do you think about that? I'm willing to bet that person would be way more successful. Not because Alan or I, it's not because I'm going to tell them anything necessarily that they don't know. It's because by the third month they'll still actually be exercising. And if you're not exercising by the end of the third month, you're most likely not going to accomplish your goal anyway.

Alan Lazaros:

So yeah, that's where I stand. If you're not exercising by the end of the third month and you're trying to lose 50 pounds in a single year.

Alan Lazaros:

You're in trouble. You're in trouble. Yeah, Start small and build. I think you get the pain on the front end or the back end. So I think the pain on the front end is I'm going to set a goal that is embarrassingly small and I'm going to say it to my friends and I'm going to take the social pain of really. I'm going to say it to my friends and I'm going to take the social pain of really, Okay, good for you. But then you actually get the pleasure or the benefit of actually achieving it. You get to go, okay, nice, I did it, but what else can I do? What else can I do?

Alan Lazaros:

Or you set the really high goal that sounds super cool at the New Year's Eve party and you get the pleasure up front, but then you get the pain of there's no effing way I can actually do this. And if you are out there and you're honest with yourself about this and pain drives you and you are driven by pain, I am for sure then do the delusional one. You'll get all the pain and all the motivation. If pain shuts you down and it doesn't drive you, you definitely don't want to set the high one, because you're basically just setting yourself up for failure and for being demotivated Does pain so. Pain ignites me. Failure ignites me. It doesn't shut me down, and that's, I think, probably rare. But I want to ask you so what percentage of the population do you think are ignited by failure?

Kevin Palmieri:

Oh man, I would say I think it's probably people that have like level eight self-belief and above, let's say level seven and a half self-belief and above. So not me so you're shut down by failure less than ever. But still, yeah, I don't wake up saying like I really hope I take a lot of l's today because that'll really get me going no, I don't know.

Alan Lazaros:

Like really dumb, doesn't it? It does it sounds like the dumbest thing ever of all time but.

Kevin Palmieri:

But it makes sense.

Alan Lazaros:

You, you have to be in, you have to be in the right zone, I would say michael jordan is motivated by failure. To go back to the example that used at the beginning there's no question that when he loses he gets more motivated. There's no question that's. And if you read the book relentless, which was by tim grover, which is michael jordan's trainer, that kevin mentioned for 15 years, it's very clear that every time michael jordan lost a game he came back more motivated, and I do. I resonate with that.

Alan Lazaros:

One thing that I will make very clear here is I think people that are motivated by failure. There's something that does shut them down, and I want to make this clear for anyone out there who does resonate with that. I get shut down by social failures. I don't get.

Alan Lazaros:

I think I get motivated by getting hate and like getting lashed out at, but it really messes with me a lot and I think that letting people I love down shuts me down. I don't think it motivates me. Maybe it does motivate me to be better, but it messes with me a lot. So, for example, if I was late for a meeting because I was on with a client and I was pouring into her in a very good way, so I'm proud of that, but, kevin, you know I was late for Kevin, so my guilt with Kev, that doesn't ignite me.

Alan Lazaros:

That makes me feel terrible, whereas what's an example of a failure that ignites me? I don't know? Setting a goal for I don't know making $10,000 this week or whatever it is and then only hitting seven like that doesn't shut me down at all. It's like okay, we'll make it happen, yeah. Whereas with people that I care about it, I get stuck in shame and I think all of this is shame based and I don't want to go down that rabbit hole because this is new year's resolution stuff. So back 2024 January, we did a meetup. We do this every year. We have one coming up Thursday, thursday setting clear, compelling and achievable tonight.

Alan Lazaros:

If you're listening to this tonight tonight, the registration link will be in the show notes setting clear, compelling and achievable goals for 2025 and back in January of 2024, a year ago, I did research very simple, quick research, like kev just did and it said that Only four percent of people have written goals and only eight percent of them ever end up achieving them. And I wish that I knew what website that was or what research study. I don't, it was a google, simple research. So again, don't quote it. But even if it's anywhere close to that, that means most people don't have written goals and the large majority of those people don't even achieve them, even though they do write them down. So setting yourself up for failure is just statistically a terrible idea.

Kevin Palmieri:

I would say so, yeah, for the vast majority of humans. I think for you it works really well. I think it works really well with you. The other weird thing is and again I was much more ignorant when I used to say this but if somebody really wants to make a change, if somebody really wants to make a change and they wait for a New Year's resolution, they don't really want to make the change. If we're being very honest. If we're being very honest Because if it mattered that much, you'd want to get a head start. So yesterday was, as of recording this, yesterday was New Year's Eve and I woke up and I said I got on the scale and I was 190, I was 189 pounds.

Alan Lazaros:

And I was like boy.

Kevin Palmieri:

We've gotten thick, Five foot five, 189 pounds. You know what I mean. You weigh three pounds less than me. That's a bowling ball of a human.

Alan Lazaros:

And I have. Seven or eight inches on you.

Kevin Palmieri:

So not great, Not ideal. I'm definitely in. If you were to look at my body mass index, I'm unhealthy. It doesn't account for muscle and, honestly, I don't think your heart really knows the difference between muscle. I mean, it's weight. So it's probably not great to be as heavy as I am right now and I said, all right, cool, I'm going to start dieting today. And then I had this moment where I was like, well, I'll just wait till tomorrow. I mean tomorrow's New Year's Day. I might as well just wait. I was.

Alan Lazaros:

Let me just start today.

Kevin Palmieri:

I want to start today. I'm going to start today, so I think that's even the thought process. Imagine okay, I'll give you two really good examples. Imagine a relationship where the only time you celebrate anything is Valentine's Day. You think that relationship is going to be successful? Absolutely not Valentine's Day. You think that relationship's going to be successful? Absolutely not, absolutely not. No, no. Imagine somebody who's trying to do better financially. The only time they track their finances is around tax time.

Alan Lazaros:

No, no, it's not enough. It's not enough. Terrible idea we're going to be in a lot of trouble.

Kevin Palmieri:

We're going to gonna be a lot of trouble. We're gonna be a lot of trouble. So I think again, it's one of those things where it's just, it's just the principle of it we're on the meetup.

Alan Lazaros:

I I prepped for it last night. I couldn't sleep, so I just in my dreamland, I just started writing ideas. One of the ideas was identity, process and results. So a results goal would be 10 pounds in 10 weeks. A process would be five times weight training per week, and then the identity is I'm a bodybuilder. That's a good example. What was my point of this? You have to sign up for the process as well as the goal.

Alan Lazaros:

So I always say everyone wants to be more healthy, wealthy and more in love. Everyone I coach they want to be healthier, wealthier and more in love. For sure, of course, even if it's self-love, of course. Who? Everyone listening and or watching this. Hey, if you could wave a magic wand and be healthier, wealthier or more in love, would you do it? Of course, absolutely. What's the catch? Right? The catch is you have to do a process. And what is that process? It's dieting, exercise, whatever, and I think that there's a lot of maturity in the want, love, hate framework we've talked about a lot in the past, but I'll give it here simply so I want to be in great shape. I do love weight training, I hate dieting, so I know I won't be in that great of shape. I'm gonna get takeout tonight I don't know what. Yet I sent emilia. I'm seeing what she wants what are the options?

Kevin Palmieri:

let's talk about it.

Alan Lazaros:

I think they're not great options. This is where we take cred hits. I don't eat like this all the time. Domino's, burger King, nikko's what was the other one? There was one more.

Kevin Palmieri:

I've got to guess sushi right, Sushi's got to be on there.

Alan Lazaros:

No, I don't do sushi anymore.

Kevin Palmieri:

Which has been good for the bank account. Yeah, I was gonna say it's expensive.

Alan Lazaros:

No, it's not just that. I got sick one time, oh yeah, and I can't stomach it anymore I don't know what happened.

Alan Lazaros:

It's a shame. Yeah, she's very upset about it because our first date was sushi and she loves it and she it's it sucks, it does it sucks. We tried a couple, can't do it, but it's good for the bank account because that was a very expensive habit for sure, but anyway. So why was I saying all that? Oh, want, love, hate. Want to be in great shape, love weight training. I don't like dieting and it took a long time for me to realize how much I don't, and I was talking earlier to Laura, shout out to my executive admin and I was playful with it because she's done two, so I'll celebrate her for a second. She's done 204 days in a row of 100 on her peak performance tracker. So she has I don't know 14 habits or something like that, and she's gotten 100 on every habit for 204 days straight, which is wild that is why I don't.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't do that seriously wild with a capital w insane, insane. And I said something along the lines of if you were to be asked like how do you do that? The real truth underneath it is and I was playful with this, but I said yeah, if I'm not downstairs by 730, cutting off work in 2025, because I've been so overwhelmed in 2024, I'm 12 lashings. I playfully said 12 lashings. She said no, no, no, no dinner, no dinner for you. And we were joking. Obviously no, absolutely not. Can you imagine if someone came and took away my dinner?

Alan Lazaros:

If I wasn't downstairs on time. I would never not be downstairs on time, because dinner is my favorite thing in the world. I love dinner. You're not taking away my dinner. Food is my. I love it. It's the best. It's half the reason I love weight training.

Alan Lazaros:

Food is good now, but if we took away something that we love, we'd be so disciplined human beings are so disciplined when they're afraid to lose something they love. What would you do if you I don't know if somehow, okay, if you don't wait train kev for the next 52 weeks, 2025, and you don't wait train at least five times a week, uh, taryn's gonna leave you. You would do it every time, no matter what, because we're we as human beings we're so afraid to lose things we love. And the truth is is I don't think self-discipline works If you're not up against losing something you love, even though the truth is we're all losing something in the future. You're losing your future bank account. You're losing your.

Alan Lazaros:

One of my clients is saving for a home and every time he doesn't deposit money into his home account, he's losing a potential better home. So we are losing all the time. So we have to put ourself up against that sort of metaphorical wall if we want to stay consistent. And if you do it in a way where you set this crazy goal, that's completely not doable and it's in conflict with everything you value You're never going to actually follow through.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, it's so hard because I think most people beat themselves up so much already, so it's hard to put more necessity. I have a lot of empathy for that, because I know a lot of people are. They just they're constantly beating themselves up internally and the last thing they want to do is create another opportunity for're constantly beating themselves up internally and the last thing they want to do is create another opportunity for them to beat themselves up what does that look like?

Alan Lazaros:

what is the internal dialogue like? Give me an example, and I'm not saying you have to use you, but what do you think the internal dialogue actually?

Kevin Palmieri:

well, I always try to use me, because I don't want to assume what somebody else is thinking or feeling. I just think it's like, yeah, I'm gonna get to the, I'm gonna get to the gym this week, like this will be the week I do it, and then it doesn't happen. And then you beat yourself up, you're like I can never fucking do it. Like something always seems to come up and I'm am I ever gonna actually be able to do this? So never mind, so it creates self-doubt. Then I think it creates self-doubt and I think it creates self-doubt and I think it hurts self-worth.

Kevin Palmieri:

And now, now, on top of that, we're going to compound and you also don't get to go whatever. You don't get to go. Let's not make it about food, because I know that's a dangerous game. And you don't get to go to the movies with your friends on friday, or you don't get to go to girls night on friday, like, or guys night on friday. You don't get to do that because that was the commitment you made with yourself. Now you're taking two L's. Now you're going to tell your friends I can't come because I didn't hit my goal, and they're going to say that's dumb as shit. Just come anyway.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, no, I can't and then that becomes a whole so I understand, why I understand.

Kevin Palmieri:

So what's the?

Alan Lazaros:

alternative to that, Because obviously I always go that way. But I'm also motivated by pain.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think you set a goal that you almost are guaranteed that you can do and then that motivates you when you hit it, yeah, or you give yourself a reward. So if you're, I think, to your point, I do think humans are more motivated by pain than pleasure, right?

Alan Lazaros:

I do.

Kevin Palmieri:

I imagine you're probably going to run faster from a bear than you're going to run to a pot that has $100,000 in it. For sure You're going to run faster than what if you're running?

Alan Lazaros:

from a bear toward a pot with $100,000 in it.

Kevin Palmieri:

The ground is going to catch on fire beneath you because your feet are going to be moving so fast. The ground is going to catch on fire beneath you because your feet are going to be moving so fast. I think it's probably. Everybody probably has their own sweet spot where the necessity has to be constructive and the celebration has to be constructive, but it can't be too much on either end.

Alan Lazaros:

Yep that If you you can't expect a seven-year-old to do AP Calculus and then shame them when they don't right.

Kevin Palmieri:

It needs to be in your sweet spot and it has to be for you. You can't set your goals based on what somebody else would do. You can't set your goals based on what your friend group would approve of. Yeah, no way, yeah, no way.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, no way. I remember this, back in the day, when I would start trying to quit drinking, and I remember I had this one friend who, in hindsight, just very arrogant, just very arrogant he said why don't you just not, why don't you just stop? It's like dude, you obviously don't deal with what I deal with. Why don't you just stop drinking?

Kevin Palmieri:

oh, I hadn't thought of that. Thank, you so much well, it's like this, people who say why don't you just believe in yourself more?

Alan Lazaros:

same shit yeah, I remember him being like dude, just don't just have one. Oh, oh, my god, thank you so much. I didn't realize I could just have one. Oh my, I didn't fucking get it. Oh no, thank you. Yeah, I hadn't considered that. You know, just have one with dinner. Okay, yeah, I'm excessive, we're different, right, but that's why everything has to be custom.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, and I think this is Having a New Year's resolution just to start is not custom. You're deciding that you're going to jump, you're going to do something on a specific time because the motivation from the time is there, not necessarily the internal motivation to make the change yeah and that right there is, I think, one of the reasons why it's so hard to do next level nation.

Kevin Palmieri:

What is happening? If you've thought to yourself I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom, and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes and we would love to see you there.

Alan Lazaros:

I asked Laura how she did it earlier and I said I don't even need to ask, I already know the answer. You just never let yourself off the hook. You just never let yourself off the hook, never. It's like well, how Well she built up to that. That would be one. Her system is sustainable for her. It's because I remember when we had and I know she wouldn't mind me sharing this when we had no sugar on there, she no. Especially during the holidays she was getting L's on that. Um, so the system is sustainable for her. She ramped up to it. It's not like this is the first time she's habit tracked. She's been habit tracking for probably almost four years now and then and then she never lets herself off the hook. And she got a streak going.

Alan Lazaros:

Streaks are powerful. When you get a streak going, you'll do anything to keep that thing. I remember the big five to thrive, big thrive to die is what we started calling it. I can to that thing, but I had a streak going for a long time. I have a streak going right now 1,037 days of exercise. We're not going to let that fall lightly Like. If that ever falls, it means something really drastic happened. So streaks are really powerful too, so do something small enough where you can get a streak go, and that's a cheat code for sure.

Kevin Palmieri:

And eventually then your identity becomes. I am a consistent person. I am somebody who is consistent. I watched when Tara and I went to Vermont. I think she went to bed early one night and I stayed up and I watched this. There was some psychology channel I found on YouTube and it was talking about the key, to quote unquote discipline. And I was like god, this is gonna be dumb and it was really powerful. It was a really great video.

Kevin Palmieri:

Again, this was a year ago.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't remember who it was and if I wanted to find it, I couldn't, unfortunately.

Kevin Palmieri:

But it said the people who are the most disciplined hold conflict in their consciousness longer, meaning this you I don't want to use the word ruminate, but I don't have a better word you sit on the fence longer between should I do this or should I not do this, because I think what happens for a lot of people is the alarm clock goes off and they just hit snooze and now that decision has been made, there's no conflict. But if you, let's say, you set a timer for 6, 601, 602, 603, 604, and 605, you have five times that you can hold the conflict and say should I actually get up? Am I going to regret it if I don't get up, and that's what the video is about. It was about when you just eliminate conflict in your mind, the internal conflict of should I do this or should I not do this. If you quickly end it and you land on I shouldn't do this, then you're almost never going to be self-disciplined it was really letting yourself off the hook thing that's what that is is how long do?

Alan Lazaros:

you. I want to have a brief conversation about that because I think we have this idea in our heads. We collectively I don't know if this is as authentic as possible here. I don't. I don't have an idea that I'm going to achieve my goals easily. I don't have that. There is no version of me that thinks that anything I'm trying to achieve is going to be easy Certainly not long-term anyways, and maybe easy relative to other people. But like, easy in general is just. I don't think goal achievement is easy. I think that's dumb. Anyone who says, oh yeah, that's easy, no, then you should have aimed higher for sure. Don't believe it. It's supposed to suck, it's supposed to be hard. You're not doing anything wrong. Everyone struggles, Everyone.

Kevin Palmieri:

Everyone but just to push back. Yeah, gently, if you do accomplish it, it doesn't mean it can't be constructive.

Alan Lazaros:

Let's just say you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm not saying not to set easy yeah, I see what you're saying.

Kevin Palmieri:

I just want to make sure, because I don't want to contradict everything we set up to this.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, yeah you're absolutely right. Thank you for that. So there's two sides to every coin. That every coin it's the duality of both of those. Set small, tangible, easy to achieve goals that build momentum and then up the ante. But when it's a struggle, don't think something's wrong with you, because goal achievement is a struggle. That's why we're not all in mansions on the beach, I mean, that's why we don't all have six-packs. It's terrible. That said, I want to have this conversation about the internal conflict because I spend most of my life in that. I playfully was telling Kev recently that I'm not aging well and if you look at US presidents, they age like 10 years and four, sometimes 20 years and four. If you look at the before and after pictures and I've got these sort of stress lines coming in and I don't know why I look like Elvis today, but I know what those are from.

Alan Lazaros:

There's a downside to putting yourself in the pressure cooker so often that video you talked about, about self-discipline and holding not letting yourself off the hook and holding conflict in your consciousness. There was a week a couple weeks ago where Emilia and I led it right. Neither one of us held the line and we still exercise, but we went for a walk and we were supposed to weight train and, dude, it was so painful for me. I felt like we let ourselves down. I was like why didn't one of us hold the fucking line? Like it was so hard for me to let it ride, dude, it was so hard. It was like, honestly, dude, it took like 10 minutes For me to.

Alan Lazaros:

She said, alan, it's okay, it's just one day Of weight training, like it's not a big deal, we'll go tomorrow, we'll double the next two days. And I was like I don't know, I think we should just fucking go. Like, let's just go. It's like 10, 30 at night. It's like, yeah, but that's a dumb idea, no, but I think we should just fucking go. Dude, 10 minutes of me. I couldn't, I couldn't shut it off.

Alan Lazaros:

I think there's that is one of the reasons why I'm able to be disciplined is I just there's certain things that I just don't let myself off the hook with, whereas someone else would. That wouldn't be that hard. They'd just be like, oh okay, we'll just go tomorrow. It's not a big deal, we'll walk tonight, we'll weight train tomorrow, and I just want everyone to understand there is a downside to being super disciplined. I've never met anyone who's super, super, super, super, super disciplined, who didn't have some negatives with that, and I just want to give people both sides of this real quick.

Alan Lazaros:

If you let yourself off the hook easily, trust me, you have a better relationship with yourself than you probably think and you probably have a reasonable self-worth. I don't I don't know if I know how to explain this, cause I've never been that type, but it seems to me like I. I remember when I was a kid I would look around and I'd I'd say like how are you so okay being just what you are Like? How are you so okay being just what you are like? How are you so okay with not achieving much like?

Alan Lazaros:

I remember in high school, people get c's and d's and b's and they didn't even care and I'd be like if I get a, b that was me I'm gonna berate myself because I need to get straight a's right, so I. There is something to be said here for those of you out there who feel like you don't struggle with that inner conflict that much. Just understand that there's an upside to that, and the upside to that is that you're not always up against it. You actually probably have a decent relationship with yourself. However, it doesn't mean you can't improve over time. And for the people out there that are really really, really, really, really consistent and you're sitting there going, how in the hell do they do that? Trust me, it's darker than you think.

Kevin Palmieri:

There's something to be said about the fact that some of the goals that we desire to achieve would require superhuman levels of consistency and discipline and boundaries and self-worth and all that stuff, and I think that's an important thing too. If we're very realistic right now not negative, not talking down, not limiting people but there are some people that if they were trying to exercise every day I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's the odds of that happening If that would be your New Year's resolution, if somebody said you know what? I haven't been consistent at all in the gym, I'm going to exercise every single day in 2025, you're setting yourself up for failure.

Alan Lazaros:

Unless you're doing like five minutes or something really, really slow. If you're doing five minutes cool. Awesome Love that.

Kevin Palmieri:

Start there and then build we started with 30 minutes, but think of how superhuman you would have to get to to get to the place where you go from not exercising consistently to being one of the most consistent people doing that challenging behavior doing that challenging behavior.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's just a very, very challenging goal right off the top that's going to force you to change, maybe beyond what you're currently capable of changing into, not from a limiting thing but just a realistic Like. If I said I'm going to run Like, brandon on the team has run a mile a day, every day, for I don't even know how long, almost 800 days. That is absolutely insane.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, shout out to brandon that dude is gritty as hell that's absolutely insane yeah, that is insane, yeah, so if somebody was gonna set it, it's the best.

Kevin Palmieri:

I love it. I love it, but that for mindset.

Alan Lazaros:

It's not a realistic goal. If anyone wants to join him, yes.

Kevin Palmieri:

He's young Forrest Gumpin out here. It's not a realistic goal. For most people that would be a terrible resolution. I'm going to run a mile a day for 365 days.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, let's give the backstory. So this is the point. Brandon was playing football in high school. He was the captain of the football team. He played D2 football in college.

Alan Lazaros:

His physical discipline was not built in the last 800 days, right? Right, it was built in a decade prior to that and I think that when Emilia and I first got a home together, she had all these projects we were going to do every goddamn weekend. Right, and I'm just being real here, not for me, I'm not a fan like I'll hang a shelf, but what are we doing? Right? This is my only day off and I'm not good at projects. We can't, I can't do 10.

Alan Lazaros:

So she came from a family. Her father, nate, is super good at projects like project man. He helped us with plumbing and all kinds of stuff, very grateful. I said, sweetheart, I can't do this, I can't jump up to project man. My stepdad did all this. I didn't even like him, so I ran in the other direction. So I'm not good at I'm good at excel, I'm good at math, I'm not good at this. I need to start small. I need like one, then two, then three. I can't jump to.

Alan Lazaros:

She used to have a huge list on the whiteboard for us every sunday it's like honey, I can't do it. I can't do it. I need to start smaller. And now we have systems that you know, on last sunday, or two sundays ago, I think, I put up a shelf or whatever, but it's not a lot, so it also you have a skill set point. Brandon's physical skill set point is very high. Yeah, it's very, very high statistically speaking. But I guarantee you, if I had him in spreadsheets he couldn't do what I'm doing in spreadsheets. But I've been in spreadsheets since I was a little kid, right. So it's all relative to how long you've been doing it, and we all have to. That's what I would say is play at the level you're currently at and don't delude yourself into thinking you're ahead of where you really are, because a lot of that is just probably shame-based. Start with self-awareness first and then build from there.

Kevin Palmieri:

Last, last, last thing before we get out of here Focusing more on the process than the results, I think is extremely important, because what you're trying to do I won't say it that way One of the reasons I think most many New Year's resolutions don't work is because you're not focused on building a new habit. You're focused on accomplishing a new result. And here's the thing it might take you longer than a year to accomplish the goal, but if you build the habit in the first year, by the second year you already have the habit and then maybe you can say well, you know what? Last year I was able to go to the gym 150 times. I went three times a week. Okay, that's a really good start. I never thought I was going to be able to do that. That's amazing. All right, cool. Maybe this year, since I already kind of have the process, I'll set a goal that is measurable and then I can really focus on accomplishing by the end of the year.

Kevin Palmieri:

I want to lose 25 pounds this week, not 25 pounds this year, not this week. You don't want to lose 25 pounds this week, that ain't it. If I want to lose 25 pounds this year, okay, what's that? That's like a half a pound a week-ish. 52, 26 would be a half a pound a week. Let's do it real quick.

Alan Lazaros:

Let's crunch the numbers on that let's crunch the numbers 25 pounds.

Kevin Palmieri:

You said yeah, let's say 26, because that's a round number for 52 and it would be half a pound a week.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, so 26 pounds times 3,500 calories, divided by 365, you have to burn 250 calories a day.

Kevin Palmieri:

So if you're in a 250 calorie deficit per day and you're going and you're going in mind.

Alan Lazaros:

That's not easy, no, no, that means you can't miss, because the moment you go over now you have to make up. I mean, it is terrible dieting is terrible.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's not. It's not ideal. It's not ideal but you already have the habit of exercising yeah I.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm so curious if we were able to say you know what, instead of a one-year resolution, I'm going to set a five-year resolution. I'm so curious to see what would happen, because then you could just say for the first year I'm going to work on the process, I'm just going to build the habits for the first year, then you get the identity, then you get the identity and then you can actually set like an accurate, based on belief goal, knowing that I already know how to do the thing that's going to lead me to the goal. Yeah, something to that.

Alan Lazaros:

I remember when I did a fitness speech I know we got to jump I did sleep, hydration, nutrition, training and mobility. I think in hindsight that was too much.

Kevin Palmieri:

I would say so.

Alan Lazaros:

We should have just focused on like a couple of the little ones.

Kevin Palmieri:

All of them are like people's biggest struggles.

Alan Lazaros:

That's like five projects for me. It's like five projects for you Shut down. We're going to do the plumbing. We're going to do the shelf no, we're not. No, we're not. We're going to fix the car. When are we going to watch Star Wars? When are we going to watch Star Wars? Today? We're going to watch X2, X-Men. Okay, monthly meetup Clear, compelling and achievable goals for 2025. It's tonight. I hope you join us. It's workshoppy. I'm taking over monthly meetups as the director. They're going to be a little bit workshoppy. What I mean by that is you're going to leave with tangible, clear, compelling and achievable goals for 2025. You're going to leave with something and it's not going to be overwhelming, it's going to be simple and doable, and that's literally the frame that I went into creating it.

Kevin Palmieri:

And what a perfect time for that, based on this episode, if you feel like you've struggled with New Year's resolutions in the past, we're going to talk about new year's resolutions. Nope, we're going to talk about habits and we're going to talk about how to form like that's. That's what I think a lot of us, unfortunately, are missing. It's the habit. The habit is the foundation under everything. Last question yes eight years ago.

Alan Lazaros:

You realize now you were not the most disciplined human and again you had some self-discipline and physical things, all that. What would you say to you about New Year's resolutions? It's eight years ago You're talking to Kevin eight years ago.

Kevin Palmieri:

A year is not long enough. A year is probably not long enough for most of us to actually complete the cycle of transformation. It might take you a year to build the identity. It might take you a year to build the identity. It might take you a year to build the identity.

Alan Lazaros:

A year is not. What would Kevin have said to that? I want it now.

Kevin Palmieri:

But I want it now?

Kevin Palmieri:

What would you have said to that? The reason you want it now is the reason you haven't gotten it yet, because you just continue down the same cycle of well, this year it'll be different. The year is not going to be any different unless we approach it differently. And I know it sounds like it doesn't make sense, but sometimes you need to set smaller goals. You just Kev. You need to set a smaller goal Because if you're here's the thing. If you're here's the thing.

Kevin Palmieri:

If you're not in the race by the end, if you're out of the race after the first lap, it doesn't matter how many laps the race is, it doesn't matter. It does, it has, it doesn't matter. You have to make sure you're. You're there after the first lap and the second lap. And that's what I think of the months, as if you tap out six months in, it doesn't matter what the goal was. So make sure you can survive each lap. And going back to trying to run a six-minute mile, the laps were too fast for me. You know what a really good thing would be.

Alan Lazaros:

Try to run an eight-minute mile. No, I'm going to run an eight-mile. I'm going to run an eight-mile. I'm not even going to run a mile. No, I'm going to run a mile. I'm going to run a mile. I'm not even going to time it.

Kevin Palmieri:

I haven't run in years. Why am I trying to run a fucking six minute mile? You idiot.

Alan Lazaros:

That's dumb. It's not a good idea, but it sounded cool. That's the problem it sounded cool.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, I wasn't going to be very excited to jump on the podcast and say today I ran a 26 minute mile. I just wouldn't have been. I would have been embarrassed to say that. Yeah, I would have been embarrassed to say that I think you could do better than 26.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't like I can.

Kevin Palmieri:

You could probably do 12 12 I think, when, remember I had a little running spurt there for a little bit, I think I did 10 something, but it was worse than I thought it was going to be yeah, I was embarrassed a little bit when you were like, would you run like nine?

Kevin Palmieri:

I was like no, no, no, I ran 10 something. Yeah, and if I said to myself, yeah, well, that six minute mile almost killed me, but I could probably do like eight, I would not have done it and then I probably would have felt bad about it, yeah. So this, this isn't a you thing, this isn't everybody thing, and I just think some of the least sexy stuff is the stuff that builds the most sexy stuff later. Yep, that's what I would say to Kev. All right, if you want to make sure you never miss an opportunity to get to the next level, make sure you are subscribed on whatever platform you are listening or watching on. We appreciate it because it helps us help more people meet up.

Kevin Palmieri:

Tonight, 5 pm eastern standard time. We'll have the zoom information in the link in the show notes. We would love to see you there. As always, we love you. We appreciate you. Grateful for each and every one of you. And at nlu we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Stay focused. Next level nation. Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. We love connecting with the Next.

Alan Lazaros:

Level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host