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Internal Dialogue Controls EVERYTHING (1937)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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What story are you telling yourself? In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazarus unpack how our internal dialogue shapes how we view ourselves and others. Learn about the three common thought patterns that influence everything from relationships to career success and discover practical tips for changing the “record” in your mind. Whether you feel stuck or want to reach your next level, this conversation offers actionable insights for growth.

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Show notes:
(2:01) Internal dialogue and self-belief
(3:22) Misinterpretation and negativity bias
(7:03) The three mental records
(15:51) Taking responsibility for growth
(21:03) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching. https://bit.ly/49SyVHz
(25:37) Over-responsibility Vs. Under-responsibility
(30:42) Balancing relationships and self-improvement
(37:18) Extending the leash
(40:09) Outro

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🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

people who are ego-driven are going to villainize you for that. So yeah, you do suck a little bit, don't you? But they're not going to leave you, they're going to stick around. I mean, that's an easy win for them. So I think the same thing for you. I wonder if one of the reasons and you have massive self-belief, so it's like the opposite of I'm afraid to be left behind.

Alan Lazaros

So if somebody's pointing out my mistakes, I got going to make an excuse fast of why this has happened. The amount of responsibility that you take is predicated on self-efficacy. It's predicated on what you believe you're in control of. So for you, you take a lot of responsibility in fitness because you feel in control in fitness. But it's a self-fulfilling prophecy where if you think, oh, I suck, and that's your thought record you're not going to take more responsibility. You're already crumbling under the responsibility you have.

Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today for episode number 1,937, internal dialogue controls everything. If you're an overthinker, you are a chronic overthinker. You ruminate on things. This episode will probably resonate with you.

Internal dialogue and self-belief

Kevin Palmieri

So I was having a conversation with somebody on Instagram through the old DMs and we were talking about I just I'm always talking to people, I check in with people how you doing, what's new, how's business, all that and I was talking to this person about how, at the time, I was really focused on writing my book, my podcast book, and they said wishing you bestseller vibes. By the way, I love helping people find Top Knot Salute it bestseller vibes. By the way, I love helping people find top knot salute it was they were kind of selling me on something. And then the message after that was and also, I totally get that's making a slew of assumptions, so please just ignore me if that was out in left field and then I didn't respond, not because I didn't want to respond, I just didn't see the message. I got busy, I got overwhelmed and the message got pushed down and they literally sent it. Is it called a gif, jif, gif? I don't know which one they sent me

Misinterpretation and negativity bias

Kevin Palmieri

a one second video whatever it's called, gif or jif of somebody putting their foot in their mouth and they said, by the way, this is so me, just like I said, with a sad face. And then I saw the message, however, long later, and I sent them an audio back and said hey, I'm so sorry that it took me like two months to get back to you. My sincere apologies. I promise you didn't offend me. I didn't even see the message. I appreciate you were trying to add value. You and I have a relationship. It's not like you were just selling me on something that's my bad, Full ownership. And they sent a message back which meant a lot back and it did.

Kevin Palmieri

They sent me an audio saying thank you so much for that. I appreciate it. And then they sent a written message after, which is the reason I wanted to do this episode. I said also I appreciate you naming the negativity bias that so many have.

Kevin Palmieri

I'm sure that played a part in there somewhere for me, and it's one of those things where I don't know if any of us are really good at predicting what other people are thinking. I, I think usually it's quite the opposite. We think it's either going to go better than it's going to go or it's going to go worse than it's going to go, depending on what your internal dialogue is, depending on what the record is that has been playing in your life for most of your life. So I thought it would be an interesting thing to dive into, because we all have an internal dialogue.

Kevin Palmieri

This is one of the reasons self-awareness is so important, and until you become aware and start to try the shift of changing it, it's not going to happen. You're just always going to have the same overthought and the same rumination on things. So I thought it'd be a cool episode to do. I also deal deal with this too. It's don't send serious messages through text messages because it's very easy to Like Alan sent okay period. Is he like, does he hate me? Is he mad at me? Did I do something wrong?

Alan Lazaros

I don't get that with you anymore. Did I used to no?

Kevin Palmieri

but let's say you did. I don't know, oh no, if anything, you're the opposite. You're not short-winded, you send long-ass messages Less than ever, though Less than ever it used to be for some reason Alan would send. There'd be like 20 messages that were all a paragraph long. It's like why couldn't you just send one long ass message?

Alan Lazaros

Because I didn't know it was going to go that far Until I went deeper, deeper, deeper. That's fair, I respect it, and I realize that I've had notifications off for a long time, so I don't have as much empathy Of how many Dings. That would be like no bings or no dings.

Kevin Palmieri

But Tara and I will be spending time together and I'll go check on my phone like Sunday, and I'll be like, ah, 12 new messages from Alan. Okay, perfect, let's take a gander, let's see what we have going on here. And Taryn's like oh Alan, that's our running joke, nice.

Alan Lazaros

And the reason why I think it's less than it used to be and then we'll go to the point of this episode is, I feel like I less, I'm not justifying as much as I used to, and I also think that there was a message I sent to you earlier. It was please send. I think it was send blank, blank, blank. In the past I would have been ah, that sounds a little. I didn't even recognize you didn't even notice.

Alan Lazaros

Right, but I should have asked afterwards. I was like ah, I probably should. Just hey, do you mind sending it would have been a warmer way to do it, but I also. It's like send me the shit, man. You know like what are we doing here? So, but you can't turn off the warmth with everybody. It depends on the level of the relationship, and we've been business partners for a long time. Hey do you mind, maybe, please, if you could maybe you could find the time.

The three mental records

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, find the time to send me the list of the thing that I need, man, but again, that's a different story. So we were in Pittsburgh, you and I, and we were giving a training. This was broken into three separate hours. The first hour was sort of inspirational, motivational, very vulnerable during lunch, mistake, don't vulnerable During lunch. Mistake, don't do it during lunch. And then the second hour was it was broken up into three different parts. One of the parts I said this I said everyone has a different record playing in the back of their head and I'm going to overly simplify it to figure out which category you're in.

Alan Lazaros

Overly simplify it to figure out which category you're in. So for everyone watching or listening right now keep in mind this is an oversimplification I'm going to do three yeah, three records. The first record is the most common statistically and this record is they think it's going to go worse than it is. So this is the record that old Kevin used to have. Probably new Kevin still has, but maybe learned how to overcome. Yeah, and you can do this record. The record is this person hates me. I suck, I can give you one. This wasn't a good message I got you.

Kevin Palmieri

I got you. I got an email from a client last week. I said, hey, I want to. Can you send me your link? I want to hop on a meeting to discuss some stuff. Shit, shit. We're in trouble, something's gone wrong, we messed something up. This person's going to leave. They want to tell me all the things we did wrong on the way out. I got a call with him today and so he put in notes before we met. I'm interested in maybe doing a rebrand, interested in getting some feedback on the audio and the video, and I'm looking for some strategies to maybe go from bi-weekly to weekly and grow the show.

Kevin Palmieri

It's like, oh okay, 20 minute meeting, it's great, awesome, cool, strong work. But in my mind I thought it was going to be something completely different.

Alan Lazaros

So that record is usually things are worse. I think things are going to be worse than they really are. That's the record. Okay, so record one. There's three records. Record one is this is going to go horribly wrong. This is going to go horribly wrong. I suck whatever, it is okay. Negative record. The next record is oh, that person hate, dislikes me. That person hates me, that person doesn't like me. Nobody likes me. Uh, I'm not going to be loved here. I'm not going to belong here. I'm not going to be loved here. I'm not going to belong here. I'm not going to fit in here. I'm not going to. I'm going to come off. Too cold, too direct, I'm going to be too much. That's the next record. The next record is I'm not going to be loved for all of who I am, I don't belong. I don't belong here.

Alan Lazaros

Okay, third record, and this is the one that I really don't fully understand. Yet I'm working on it. I don't feel included. I'm not really. I don't feel included. This is the unwanted. I don't feel wanted. Nobody wants me, nobody wants me, nobody wants me, nobody wants me. So the first one is I'm not good enough. This is going to go horribly wrong. I'm in trouble. The second one is I don't belong, nobody likes me, I'm not going to be loved for all of who I am. The third one is I don't feel included, I'm not going to be wanted, I'm not really wanted here, I'm not really wanted, I'm not included. And again, the third one I don't really fully understand, and I think that's the rarest.

Alan Lazaros

But ultimately, let's condense this into the two records. One of them is I got this, I can do it, absolutely great, but I'm not going to belong or I'm not going to be liked. The other one is I'm super likable, I'm super relatable, but I kind of suck at stuff and this is going to go bad whenever it's. So one of them professionally feels very confident, but personally doesn't. The other one personally feels very confident, but professionally doesn't. And which record are you? Which of those three records are you? And if you're the first one, we can come up with a. There's a doom loop and a success loop for each, but either way, the point of this episode is what record is the one that's running for you, because you're basically filtering all of your information through that lens. So this person you're referring to the opening story, who reached out to you they have the first record, I'm assuming, seems that way yeah, and so what was the thought record that was playing?

Alan Lazaros

is I bothered this person? This person? Yeah, I.

Kevin Palmieri

I I'm coming off looking arrogant and Kevin thinks I'm trying to sell him something and he probably thinks I'm a shady person. I've offended him. I've offended him. That's what they were thinking.

Alan Lazaros

Okay From my perspective, and the reality is you were just busy.

Kevin Palmieri

Out here jeffing Kid's just jeffing. It's got nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with you, in fact. You in fact. If I saw the message, I would have responded faster, knowing that you were feeling some type of way. I would have been inspired to message you soon if I saw that yeah because I don't want you to think that. So what's?

Kevin Palmieri

the empowered alternative I I don't know how empowering it is the thought I have. Okay, I am somebody who has learned a lot about sales over the last seven or eight years and, just for context, I was a personal trainer for a time and I literally paid $1,000 to get out of my contract because I was so bad at sales and I felt so dirty and I wasn't going to do it the way that they wanted to do it, so I had a very bad relationship with sales. If I've learned anything, it's people are inherently busy. They have 500,000 other things to think about before they're thinking about you. Just as an example, I get a message today from a client who has a pretty large following. It's going to be interesting working with this person, and their assistant messaged me and said so sorry for the delay. This person has been out of office since December 23rd and I was like I wasn't even thinking about it. It's on my whiteboard. I was going to reach out to you in a couple of weeks, all good. I literally wasn't even thinking about it five years ago. I would have been messaging alan, I think.

Kevin Palmieri

Dude, I think I said something wrong. Should I met? Should I follow up? I think I offended them. Is the price too high? Is the price too low? Did I misspell something? Do you think the email actually went through? You know like that, it went like somewhere else. But you, you can see how that. What do they say? You work yourself into a lather. I'm not sure what that means. Is it dirty? I don't think so. They probably could be misconstrued as dirty. But you work yourself into a lather and nobody wants to be working themselves into a lather.

Alan Lazaros

What's the quote? It's something and again, I don't necessarily agree with this quote, but I'll follow up. Oh, I've had a thousand things. It's like an older person, older man or woman, and the quote is I've I've had thousands of things go wrong in my life, Most of which never happened, and it's it's the. We're ruminating and worrying about things that aren't even real. A and worrying about things that aren't even real a lot of the time.

Alan Lazaros

Now here's the deal and I need to be clear about this. Some things you should worry about. Every conversation where Kev came to me and said do you think the price? What? Do you think we had improvements. You can't just like, ah, don't worry about it. There's a spectrum with everything. Some people are like, ah, don't worry about it, Just assume that they're just busy. Well, you might have offended them, that's fair and you might be sending terrible messages that are overly cold.

Alan Lazaros

So there's, you got to be careful. So if you're on kev's end, you probably overly worry, old kev, about every little detail of the message, when in reality they're just busy. They'll get back to you when they can I. I always tell the story about a client of mine, ex-client uh, rebecca, we're still close and I sent a message to her about something and she didn't get back to me for weeks, probably a month and a half or something. I was like, ah, rebecca hates me, damn, rebecca hates me. And I was that.

Alan Lazaros

I'm the second record of like, I don't belong, people don't like me, I'm not lovable, that kind of thing. And I had this moment with myself, this conversation of Rebecca doesn't hate you, there's no way. She's just busy, she's got kids, she's got stuff going on, she's busy. She got back to me. She said, hey, you know, thank you, blah, blah, blah. It was all fine, totally fine.

Alan Lazaros

So I would say, 80% of the time at least, it's not as bad as you think. Sometimes you do actually offend people and sometimes they are avoiding you and sometimes they are actually. They do dislike you and sometimes they are mad at you and I don't know if I know how to tell the difference. Here's what I would say when you do get confirmation from the other person, if it is actually as negative as you originally thought, figure out what you can improve. And the real lesson underneath all these lessons is you got to shoot the shot, because most of the time it's gonna go fine and sometimes it won't, and that's the truth, and I think a lot of us are really.

Alan Lazaros

I always used to say I'm more afraid of success than failure, but I think when it comes to relationships that I care about, I'm more afraid of failure, and so I've had to be really aware of when I send this message. I'm afraid to fail because I don't want to ruin this relationship. Yeah, because I never felt confident in my ability not to do that because of what I did earlier with Kev, like, hey, man, send me this. That's how I naturally am. That's how I am with myself. You think I talk to myself. Hey, alan, could you please get out of bed today?

Kevin Palmieri

That's the hard thing is the way you communicate with yourself. Can't be the way you. I won't say can't. It creates potential issues if that's the way you communicate with other people, especially if they have a different thought record, especially if they have a different record playing, because if you have a record, playing of.

Alan Lazaros

I need, I want to be treated with warmth and compassion and kindness and love, and I'm coming at you with all these demands like I am with myself. Yeah, people always say treat others how you want to be treated. That isn't true. No, no that's not true dude, I want to be true.

Kevin Palmieri

Don't wish me a happy birthday like don't bother me, unless it's of something you know, but again I think you're in the. Yeah, you're the exception more than the rule agreed, but if you treat others, how you.

Alan Lazaros

Here's the here's the platinum rule or whatever golden rule is treat others how you want to be treated. No, the platinum rule or the better rule I don't even like the platinum thing. The better rule is treat others how they want to be treated. Yeah, learn about them, learn how they want to be treated. Emilia wants to be treated differently than I do. I have to learn her and learn how she wants to be treated. So we were on a walk last night Just a tiny example of this and she wanted me to hold space Rather than problem solve, and that is not my go to.

Alan Lazaros

If you come to me with a problem, usually I'm going to identify the root cause, come up with potential solutions and brainstorm them and then we're going to implement, and that's what I do for a living. I've become very coachy in my coaching days and that might be how I want to be treated not always, but a lot of the time and I just think that's got to be one of the silliest quotes ever is like treat others how you want to be treated. I think you need to treat others the way they want to be treated by actually learning who they really are.

Kevin Palmieri

It's a good bumper sticker.

Alan Lazaros

There's a lot of good bumper stickers.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, there's a level above that it's treat other people so well that it creates a new standard for the way they understand they could be treated.

Alan Lazaros

Imagine if you did that, but then you can't unless you know what they value I could send.

Kevin Palmieri

Imagine if I sent Alan like a 16 piece orchestra and like flowers and chocolate and pizza to his house for his birthday. Be like I'm really gonna Alan's gonna love this. That would be his literal fucking nightmare and I would get a message being like Kev, what are you? What is wrong with you? Why did you do?

Alan Lazaros

that, and why did you spend all that money? It was awesome, right?

Kevin Palmieri

so two thoughts, two thoughts. One thought Imagine I usually say the relationship thing because I think the relationship thing is one of the better examples. But imagine two people that look the same exact way, same exact. They're twins. Good, imagine twins Twin A, twin B. Twin A has the internal dialogue of I'm not good enough, I'm not good looking enough, I'm not smart enough, nobody wants me. Twin B has the opposite. I'm handsome, I'm beautiful, whatever People would be lucky to be around me, all of that stuff. Who do you think is going to have more success in relationships and dating? At least? Who do you think is gonna have more success in relationships and dating? At least who do you think is going to attract more people? Second one for sure, because they're going to take more opportunities that second one's going to need some serious humility.

Alan Lazaros

They're going to be in trouble. They're going to be in trouble.

Kevin Palmieri

Same example yeah, twin a, twin b, same education, same resume, same everything sending job applications. One is going to send one, like me is going to send one job application, not hear back and say shit they hate me they might not have even seen my resume.

Alan Lazaros

They probably got a bunch. They definitely didn't the twin.

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Kevin Palmieri

B sends a hundred resumes and they get 20 calls and it just reinforces awesome, I'm valuable, I'm sought after. People actually want to have me around that. So that's one thought. And the second thought is and this is this is. This is a difficult one. I think it's always the person who is feeling the feelings responsibility to figure out why they're feeling that. But I do think if you know alan's not gonna like this, if you know your communication style clashes with other people's communication style and the way they receive stuff, whose responsibility is it to ease the friction? That's my question for you.

Kevin Palmieri

Next level nation. What is happening? If you've thought to yourself I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date unfortunately some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes, and we would love to see you there.

Alan Lazaros

I think it's the it depends is the answer. It's a tough one. Does the person aspire to be a positive leader and, and here's the deal so, in a way, each individual, I think, is responsible, because this is the whole philosophical thing of like what's is is it the government's fault or is it your fault? Okay, let me give you an example. I have a client who has a credit card with 30 interest rate that is downright criminal.

Kevin Palmieri

It's like 33 or something.

Alan Lazaros

It's criminal now I said but you did use the card, you know. So it's like, yeah, honestly, let me be real, the credit card company. That's criminal, it is. That's just bad, it's. It's criminal. However, she used the card. So I'll never forget this.

Alan Lazaros

I was working for a company called Sensata Technologies and we would go to lunch and I had a mentor at the time and we would go to lunch and I said, doesn't it piss you off? Because I was in global product management and I set the price of my product line and I was learning all this stuff. This was in my early 20s. I was just learning, learning how I was learning about how the world actually works, and it was very alarming. A lot of the stuff was really alarming. It's like, wait, so you can just raise the price and not no one can do anything about it, like stuff like that. It's really. It's really quite tragic, seriously. Um, but once you learn it, you can do something about it. So I bought this Gatorade $2.41. And I was like, doesn't it piss you off that I pay $2.41 for sugar water? He said, alan, you're the idiot who bought it. They're not going to lower the price if you keep buying it. Oh my God, I'm the problem.

Alan Lazaros

And again, at the end of the day, here's my point. Back to your question this client of mine who has the 33% interest rate credit card. Yes, that's criminal, but it's happening and there's nothing you can do about it. So here's my truth the credit card company is responsible and that's unethical in my opinion. However, good luck lobbying for that. There's nothing you can do about it. So what you can do about it is pay that thing off asap, rocky, and never use a credit card again and cut up your fucking credit cards.

Alan Lazaros

Dude, you want to know why I'm so about responsibility for the individual. It's because that's all we can do anything about. It's not my fault. My childhood was what it was. It's not your fault, like, but at the end of the day, there's nothing we can do about. You're not going to shut down mcdonald's, but you can stop eating it and. And so I think every time you point externally, you're basically disempowering what you could do about it. And so, to answer your original thought there, it is my responsibility to communicate effectively to the other person in the communication style that actually works, unless I want to basically suck at sales for the rest of my life and not actually help anybody.

Kevin Palmieri

You think you take over responsibility.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, but it's better than under. Yeah, I do For sure. I'm working on that. I think there's a drive to five. Some people take under. They point outward. Always I had an ex-girlfriend.

Kevin Palmieri

I'd rather be over, for sure. Yeah, I'd rather be over.

Over-responsibility Vs. Under-responsibility

Alan Lazaros

She'd be pointing at me and I'd be pointing at me. So I kept changing and growing and evolving and eventually things didn't work, and I think a lot of people are under, though I do, because the amount of responsibility that you take is predicated on self-efficacy. It's predicated on what you believe you're in control of. So for you, you take a lot of responsibility in fitness because you feel in control in fitness. But it's a self-fulfilling prophecy where, if you have that thought record back to the original part of this episode, if you think, oh, I suck, and that's your thought record, you're not going to take more responsibility. You're already crumbling under the responsibility you have.

Alan Lazaros

One of the main reasons why I think people don't like me and I do think some of that is not true and in my head, and some of that is very accurate is because I take so much responsibility for not just my life but also my family, the NLU team, the company, the world. I want to improve the world and that's a large that's. I mean, no one wants that. It's really hard to do and not get massive stress lines I've been doing a little nighttime routine with lotion and stuff.

Kevin Palmieri

Taryn's been nice been leading the charge on that. Yeah, and enjoy it.

Alan Lazaros

Enjoy it a little bit a little coconut oil going on. I know I've heard, I've, I've heard, I don't know Taryn's got a whole regimen.

Kevin Palmieri

She knows what's up it's interesting because the last thing. What's?

Kevin Palmieri

your take on the responsibility thing I think If the reason you take responsibility is because you are forced to take so much responsibility in order to survive in life, I think it's dangerous to put that as an expectation on someone else. But I do think if you have the self-belief and you have the self-worth and you don't beat yourself up, I think it's. I would rather be over than under. For sure, that's my thought process. I would rather overshoot than undershoot, because you can dial it back. It's hard to dial it forward, and if you don't, know you're under.

Alan Lazaros

The last episode we talked about old Kev and new Kev and old listener, new listener. I feel like you take more responsibility the more you've become so. As you've grown, I've seen you take more and more and more responsibility. The more you've become so, as you've grown, I've seen you take more and more and more responsibility. I guess what was old Kev's eight years ago? What did he take responsibility?

Kevin Palmieri

for Inside, probably the things that, oh man, probably only the things that affected me, because I think I number one, I appreciate it, and number two, if that's the case, I think it's because I just have more belief. So if you, I don't have a great example, but if alan messages me and says hey man, what happened here, like what happened, something is missing, whatever right, whatever it is In the past, I wouldn't want to admit the truth because my core fear is I'm not good enough. Alan's gonna know I'm not good enough and now I'm in trouble because I made a mistake. Now I'm way better at just saying yeah, dude, that's on me, my bad, I'll do better Because I actually believe I can do better and I don't believe me. Admitting the fact that I messed up is going to ostracize me from the group. I think that's really so.

Kevin Palmieri

I think the more you believe in yourself, the more you're able to own, because it doesn't trigger the piece of you that for you. I think one of the reasons it's so easy and has been easy for you to own your quote-unquote mistakes is because you were afraid of leaving other people behind. So if you own your mistake, I think a couple things are going to happen. Balanced people are going to respect you more. They're going to say, oh, okay, cool, I appreciate that People who are ego-driven are going to villainize you for that and say, yeah, you do suck a little bit, don't you? But they're not going to leave you, they're going to stick around. I mean, that's an easy win for them. So I think the same thing for you. I wonder if one of the reasons and you have massive self-belief, so it's like the opposite of I'm afraid to be left behind. So if somebody's pointing out my mistakes, I got to make an excuse fast of why this has happened.

Alan Lazaros

Let's again the two records. Let's just scratch everything we've said thus far. I know we've got 12 minutes here. I want to talk about this understanding of one of the records. Let's break it all down to two records. The first record is I'm going to outgrow people. The second record is I'm going to be left behind. Let's talk about that. From that frame, which record do you think is more common? I think it's the second one.

Kevin Palmieri

So the more common one I think is I'm going to be left behind Is that true, yeah, but I think that was the first one in the way you said it In the original.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, okay, first record is I'm going to be left behind. That's Kevin old Kevin.

Alan Lazaros

Yes, and one of the values of NLU is we had different records, so we learned each other's the most valuable agreed piece and the biggest bottleneck too, because what are the chances people are going to resonate with both records? So the first record is I'm going to be left behind and I'm not good enough. Let's just say I'm going to be left behind. Let's just leave it there, simplify, okay, I'm going to be left behind. The other record is I'm going to outgrow everybody and be alone. Mine was the second one, for sure. Yeah, yours was the first. Yeah, of course. So in hindsight, you fought to keep up and I fought to.

Kevin Palmieri

Keep people around Around. Yeah, I think you've said in the past I think you're probably better at setting boundaries than you realize. I couldn't have anybody holding me back because I was already afraid I wasn't going to make it. You weren't very good at setting boundaries because it was like I don't want to be on the ship alone, even if the people on the ship are sinking it. I'll keep the ship afloat. I'll find a way to keep it afloat I don't know how to.

Alan Lazaros

I think this thing's going to sink no matter what, I'm going to be the best captain in much, yeah, pretty much well earlier you came at it, came at me. It's the wrong phrasing, but you said it's a fairly dude, we forgot about freestyle friday man, and I was like this is your responsibility.

Alan Lazaros

The old me would have been you're absolutely right, it's on me, completely on me. And this time I was like, dude, this is your department, which is good, because and I said this to kev too, and I think this requires humility, which I wish I had more of in the past I, dude, I, I gotta focus on my stuff, like my priorities are. They need my attention and I can't run this show and do that at level 10. That's one thing. That's really come up for me lately is like I cannot do level 10 effort on everything.

Kevin Palmieri

And I think and that's not just a you thing, that's an everybody thing.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, putting level 10 effort into everything is a good way to destroy all self-worth. You will build a lot of self-belief, but you're going to destroy all your self-worth.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, and it's also a really good way to actually not put level 10 effort into anything. If you think about it, if you're putting level 10 effort into everything, you're probably putting level 10 effort into nothing.

Alan Lazaros

I think the reason why is I was afraid. If I think deep down, I'm afraid if I go all in on my thing I will leave people behind.

Kevin Palmieri

I think that's the fear the fact of the matter is you might, and that's. I think that's the fear. The fact of the matter is you might. I think that's the truth. You and I have had very vulnerable conversations in the past of like I don't know what if I get too much for you, kev, it's like we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Kevin Palmieri

I don't think it's going to happen, but if we ever wake up one day and you don't think I'm the business partner that you need or whatever, then that's a conversation we'll have. I don't think it's going to happen because I'm terrified of being left behind, so it's like I feel like a lot would have to go wrong. You'd have to not give me feedback for a year and be like Kev you're Jeffing. Why didn't you tell me that a year ago, man? I had a lot of catching up to do what the fuck?

Alan Lazaros

But I don't think that'll, but the truth of the matter is and then I put that on you because I don't take ownership anymore and I wouldn't take ownership either.

Kevin Palmieri

I'd be like no, that's on you. But that is. The unfortunate truth of it is, you are not. Nobody watching this or listening to this is for everybody. You're just not. And if you aspire to be for everybody, you most likely are abandoning one person, and that person is yourself.

Alan Lazaros

That's a fact. That's a great quote right there. That's why it's not sustainable. I did that for a long time man, I think we all have unfortunately.

Kevin Palmieri

All right, what's your takeaway here? Before we skedaddle, do on out of here.

Alan Lazaros

Am I off on how many minutes we have? I feel like we have time.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, that's time until your next call, but I'm looking at the time. We're 32 minutes into this. Bad Larry. Okay, Sometimes I wonder and I mean this with all the respect in the world sometimes I wonder how you get through life. I do, I do. I've said this before. I've never met somebody so intelligent who also is so off on so many things.

Alan Lazaros

He has no idea what time it is off on so many things like has no idea what time it is, or I do know what time it is seven minutes and 11 seconds till. That's not what time. Yeah, yeah, that's, but that's not what time. I mean I should have put a two minute buffer well, I'm giving you a two minute buffer, because that's that's giving me way more than a two minute buffer.

Alan Lazaros

So the first record is I'm gonna be left behind and I'm not going to achieve my goals and dreams if I get left behind because I'm not good enough and that's deep down. None of that is necessarily socially. I don't think a lot of people own that socially. And the other one is if I really lean into who I am, I'm probably going to accelerate in a way that not a lot of people can come with me. And if you want to reach your potential and that's actually what you're optimizing for if that's really the goal, you're going to have to and I'll bring it to fulfillment as well. It to fulfillment as well, instead of reaching your potential.

Alan Lazaros

Let me say this If you're going to be fulfilled with both self-belief and self-worth authentically, I do think you're going to have to lean into the courage it takes to overcome whatever that record is. It's almost like if your record is I'm not good enough and I'm going to be left behind, you have to have the humility to get mentors and coaches. Have the humility to get accountability. Have the humility to try and fail the self-belief fail forward thing. You're going to have to grind, because the truth is, if you don't, you might actually get left behind.

Alan Lazaros

I mean, we all know I have to work 10 times harder than some people in bodybuilding in order to keep up, for sure. I just wasn't afraid of that because I know I'll just do it. I don't mind being behind. It's fine Meaning. You just have to be honest with people about what you really think and what you really feel, because there were times in the past where that was really hard. It's like, kev, I do work harder than you at this and that's okay. But if you want to achieve what you've told me you want to achieve, you're not going to be able to like, just go that other way, and you, it's your choice. I'm not forcing you, but the truth is is yeah, we're not going to, you know, build a globally successful company without a lot of effort.

Kevin Palmieri

It's like uh, we were talking about that meme the other day when the guy was reading the testimonial for the course and there was a dude behind him with a gun. That's what Alan's saying If you don't want a podcast, you don't have to podcast. No, I love podcasts. It's awesome. I love it. I want to podcast with you forever. It's the best, what's your takeaway.

Extending the leash

Kevin Palmieri

My takeaway, my takeaway. I have thought about this very often. Imagine if the way I see green is completely different than the way you see green. The world is completely different to me than it is to you, and I think these records are a great example of that, because almost everything is different for Alan than it is for me, and almost everything is different for me maybe than it is for you, and almost everything is different for me maybe than it is for you, whether you're watching or listening. Is it as drastic as record one and record two? No, but the grooves in the record are different.

Alan Lazaros

Everything is different.

Kevin Palmieri

So I think the ultimate goal is to lean more towards five, and the five is the understanding that if somebody doesn't get right back to you, it doesn't mean they're ignoring you. Maybe they are, but let's not jump immediately to that. Just like you know, just like, if somebody doesn't get back to you, don't jump immediately to well, they're a loss. I sent the perfect email and they didn't get back to me. It's like, well, that might not be true either.

Alan Lazaros

That might not be true either. The email might be garbage.

Kevin Palmieri

It might be hot garbage, yeah, and you might not be as good as you think you are. Well, maybe that's why you didn't get the opportunity, because you for sure, I think we've all been there. So, whatever your natural tendency is, try to extend the leash a little bit on it and let it go towards five, but you are an avid fisherman.

Kevin Palmieri

I was an avid fisherman. Here's the problem. I'm not anymore, and I'm not really an avid martial artist anymore either. I'm a bodybuilder, though. Can you give a little context to that? My resume was bad. I didn't have many shining things on there, but under hobbies maybe it was. I'm an avid fisherman and I'm well-versed in the martial arts and I didn't get any calls back really from almost any job, so but you also only applied to three of them. I didn't apply to many, but my immediate thought is like these people don't like fishermen.

Kevin Palmieri

I remember I applied for a job at Securitas. It was a security job and I was like I am definitely going to get this. I have training in martial arts, Like, isn't that what you need? No, I don't think so. Not really. I mean not if you're walking around a building that has nobody there at night, You're just like doing the rounds, it doesn't really matter. So I didn't get that job.

Outro

Kevin Palmieri

Shout out to Securitas you missed out. Look at me now. Baby Cool, Next Level Nation. Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an opportunity to get to the next level. Make sure you get your Dreamliner for Q1. Mine is on order. I messaged Alan and said hey, brother, order me up a Dreamliner. I am genuinely missing it because I'm at the very ends. I have no pages left. So that will be here shortly. The hardcover, depending on where you live in the world, takes longer to ship than the softcover, so make sure you give yourself enough time. Alan is pointing to the top of the mountain where we all aspire to be. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, Grateful for each and every one of you at NLU. We don't have fans the night of fans. We have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow stay focused next level nation thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university.

Kevin Palmieri

We love connecting with the next level family.

Alan Lazaros

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host