Why So Many People NEVER Face Their Deepest Fears (1939)

Break free from complacency! In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros unpack why many people avoid confronting their insecurities and how setting meaningful goals can transform your life. Learn why awareness is key to building belief, how goals create the necessity for growth, and why personal transformation matters more than the goals themselves. This episode, filled with personal anecdotes and actionable advice, will challenge you to rethink your approach to fear, goals, and fulfillment. Tune in to discover how small actions can lead to extraordinary growth.

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Next Level Dreamliner: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
Free 30-minute Coaching Call with Alan - https://bit.ly/4f3MSUz

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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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Show notes:
(2:38) Kevin’s breakthrough moment
(05:25) Belief and awareness connection
(08:58) Building self-confidence through action
(17:30) Ego, delusion, and ambition
(19:25) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(25:44) Why fulfillment requires goals
(30:36) The mountain of human potential
(35:07) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Facing and Overcoming Deep Fears

Kevin Palmieri 0:00

ego and delusion when it comes to people saying I am fine the way I am, as dangerous as hell. You can be great the way you are and you can move closer to whatever is next, if you are complete and you are fully evolved and you have no more work to do, you're not going to set goals and you're not going to have any necessity to do anything different to me it's a doable, achievable thing.

Alan Lazaros 0:24

I'm not going to do it tomorrow, and Kev shared this with me. He said, alan, when you say you're going to do things in the future, when you talk about things you're going to do, it comes off as arrogant. When you talk about things you've already done, it's not coming off as arrogant. And I was like are you serious?

Kevin Palmieri 0:40

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin.

Alan Lazaros 0:43

Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan.

Kevin Palmieri 0:46

Lazarus At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros 0:54

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri 1:00

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success Self-improvement in your pocket every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri 1:23

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1939, why so many people never face their deepest fears. I was talking to someone today and they said what do you think it's important that people know as we sign off here from today's interview? Always a tough question.

Alan Lazaros 1:57

Yeah, I love that one.

Kevin Palmieri 1:58

It's a great question, it's a good one, and I said, honestly, I would say, the last thing in the world I want anybody who is consuming this content to believe is that I have it all figured out and that everything I've ever dealt with getting to here is now a checkmark in a box of things that I don't deal with anymore. I said I think I've just learned to make better friends with imposter syndrome and fear of not enoughness and all that. I still deal with it. It's just way less than it's ever been. And, to today's episode, the only reason I ever made any progress in that is because my goals forced me to.

Kevin Palmieri 2:38

I didn't wake up one day and decide I wanted to do most of the things I'm doing. The goals were a requirement, or the goals made these things a requirement. There was one time, though, when I so you've heard my story, maybe before I was in my mid-20s I seemed very successful. I was very miserable, my partner left me, and, after I came down from the dip of just feeling like shit about myself for however many weeks, one day I said I'm gonna go to the mall and I'm just gonna go talk to people anybody. I was thinking. I think I was thinking women at the time because I wanted to, like, get my confidence up. But I'm just gonna have conversations with people and the reason I did that is because I was sick of being afraid. That's a goal. My goal was I want to be less of a coward. I'm sick of feeling like I don't want to say, such a victim, I'm sick of feeling like such a victim to my own fears. I feel like I can't do any of the things I want to do and I'm so sick of living as a passenger in my own life. That was a goal. And then I went and did it and again, nothing crazy. It's not like I was pulling numbers, jacques Cousteau here rolling up.

Kevin Palmieri 3:58

Jacques Cousteau was a famous diver, so I'm not sure why I used his name. I can't vouch for the man diver, so I'm not sure why I used his name. I can't vouch for the man. But it expanded what I thought I was capable of and then I could set a different goal and I could set a different goal. So we were. The reason we were talking about this today is because I think so many of the deep, deep, deep fears we have are social and familial potentially, and familial potentially, and familial, I'll say it again for those in the back. And why are you going to work through those if you don't have a bigger reason than I just want to? I'd like my family life to be a little bit better. Well, that's a goal, but it's probably not going to make you face the deepest, deepest, deepest fears and have the hardest, hardest, hardest conversations. So that's kind of where I was thinking for today's episode.

Alan Lazaros 4:53

So let me unpack this for a sec, step by step, step by step. Imagine there's a person we'll call him Kevin, hypothetically of course, hypothetically, of course, hypothetically, of course who doesn't have a lot of self-belief Hypothetically, of course, also hypothetically, okay, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly so. This young adult doesn't have a lot of self-belief. His name's Kevin. How old?

Kevin Palmieri 5:25

How old is how old? How old is he? How old is he?

Alan Lazaros 5:27

it's probably around, I don't know.

Alan Lazaros 5:30

25, no 25 no, no we'll call him 19 years old. 19 years old and he's his name's, kevin, and he doesn't have a lot of self-belief. So kevin, without a lot of self-belief, isn't really going to set a large goal because he doesn't have a lot of self-belief, isn't really going to set a large goal because he doesn't have a lot of self-belief. Why would you set a large goal without belief? You kind of wouldn't. You wouldn't do it. Therefore, kevin doesn't have to strive for anything because he doesn't have anything to strive for, because he doesn't believe in himself for anything, because he doesn't have anything to strive for because he doesn't believe in himself, which then, inherently, now kevin doesn't have to get outside his comfort zone in order to achieve his goal because he doesn't have a goal. Stay the same, which then?

Alan Lazaros 6:15

makes him forever makes his self-belief what bigger or smaller, less, less. And so when kevin's mentioning I eventually got to the point and yeah, obviously I was talking about you, uh, hypothetically, when you're mentioning I got sick and tired of being caged by my own shit. Basically you got to the. We always used to say this way back in the hyperconscious days. We said you'll never get to hell yes, until you get all the way to hell no. We actually used to say f yes and f no.

Kevin Palmieri 6:49

But we're making this show semi-child friendly as he, alan, dropped maybe five f bombs last episode. The last episode, was it five? It was you. You piled something together. I was like, wow, he's really going off tonight, friday night, he's, he's really gotten into it. Fired up sometimes you got to well, you had a chocolate whiskey.

Kevin Palmieri 7:08

Uh, candy first of all yeah, why are you throwing me under the bus? I'm good, I just for context, really quick. Uh, tarant, my mother in law got me these chocolate whiskeys for christmas and I have, oh, I took them out. They were in here. I actually put them away because I was like what, if the cats get into them, they're going to get hammered, yeah, and I think they'd also die because it's chocolate. But I was thinking more of the alcohol, unfortunately, and I had one today and I was like, ooh, that burns going down. Oh, there's real alcohol in this.

Alan Lazaros 7:35

Oh shit, good to know so alan's throwing me under the bus. So young kev yeah sorry, young kev doesn't have self-belief. Therefore he doesn't set a goal. Therefore he doesn't have to face these challenges and grow. Therefore, he doesn't build more self-belief. Therefore, he doesn't set a goal. It's a. It's a stuck. You're just stuck, and your belief gets less and less and less, not more and more and more. And so when you got sick and tired of feeling like a victim you mentioned, or sick and tired of feeling scared, you eventually were like you know what? I'm going to set a fucking goal and I'm going to go talk to people. I got this I'm going to go to the mall and I'm going to go talk to people. I don people. I got this I'm gonna go to the mall, I'm gonna go talk to people. I don't know where you found the time to do this.

Alan Lazaros 8:25

I'm kidding, oh, I had nothing but time at the time nothing but time at the time maybe I had nothing but time alan here's the cool thing you went and did that and you built a little bit of self-confidence through that process. And then you went to the mall and all this different stuff and you talked to people. You faced your fear of rejection, you faced your fear of whatever. Here you are now, the chief sales officer of a multi-six-figure business. How wild is that. Now, there's quite a few years in between that.

Kevin Palmieri 8:58

I failed to mention. Yeah, a lot has happened.

Alan Lazaros 8:59

Yeah, there's probably a thousand rejections in between that you had to deal with, if not more, but it is pretty cool to between that you had to deal with, if not more, but it is pretty cool to realize that you can go from so low to where you are afraid to talk to people at a mall. To now you just got off with one of the Olympians or the wrestler who was in the Olympics, or whatever.

Kevin Palmieri 9:19

I don't know.

Alan Lazaros 9:20

The point is yeah it's tough for me, but that is really cool because it is. What was that seven, eight years ago? And now you're literally the chief sales officer and you do sales all the time and now we have almost a hundred clients that are it's just wild. It's wild. What's possible long-term, short-term? Yes, None of that really probably clicked.

Kevin Palmieri 9:40

But well, it's all based on. There's again, there's a lot of bumper sticker sayings out there that are really good on bumper stickers, and one of them, I think, is don't set the goal in order to get the goal. Set the goal in order. I set the goal. Hold on, let me do it. I got it. I got it. I got it. You don't set the goal.

Alan Lazaros 9:57

The whiskey, chocolate's hitting them right now.

Kevin Palmieri 9:59

You set the goal to become the type of person capable of accomplishing the goal, something like that. It's not about accomplishing the goal, it's about who you become in the process. There's many, many, many, many, I think I always, when I heard that I was like that's dumb as shit you did, I used to say this is shit there's a jim rohan quote.

Alan Lazaros 10:19

I used to say to kev and I want you to tell me what you used to think and now what you think now I used to say you don't set the goal to get the goal. Once you get the goal, you can give the money away. You set the goal for the person it will make of you to achieve it I always was like dude, you, you're dumb as shit, man.

Kevin Palmieri 10:38

That's what I thought.

Alan Lazaros 10:42

A lot of going deeper, no deeper.

Kevin Palmieri 10:44

No, that was it. At the time. I was just like that's dumb, okay, cool. On to the next thing donuts. At the time, I didn't understand that goals changed you as a person. Remember, I was always the person who said it must be nice, it must be nice, it must be nice that person's different than I am. I'm not the type of person that could ever accomplish that. It was always that not well, if I set a goal that forces me to become more than I am, then my life will look completely different. I never understood that. I never, ever, ever, ever. That never clicked for me because I didn't. I don't think I had. I borrowed your belief for a long time. I don't think I had enough belief to imagine myself there. Do you think that awareness?

Alan Lazaros 11:30

comes before belief, because if you had the awareness of how to do it, you'd have the belief. Maybe awareness comes before belief. That's kind of a breakthrough, because why did I believe? Yeah, it's like maybe I had more awareness on how to. Kevin and I were driving down the pacific coast highway to an interview once we got tacos out of a truck. It's great it was?

Kevin Palmieri 11:53

it was out of a truck. It was great and we were preparing for the interview in the car. I was like alan, do you know what would be super cool man Tonight? Dude, we should go to a nice restaurant and celebrate. He's like Kev. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my entire life.

Alan Lazaros 12:10

That's not exactly what I said. Is that what I said? I didn't even mean that Pretty Playfully.

Kevin Palmieri 12:14

I know, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, you weren't negative or toxic. But I was like, yeah, no, I'm just joke, totally kidding, I don't even eat food, I don't even like food.

Alan Lazaros 12:21

Don't even worry about it.

Kevin Palmieri 12:22

All right, let's see what this sketchy taco shop on the side of the road here.

Alan Lazaros 12:26

Sounds great. There's a movie that came out in 2009. As if no one.

Kevin Palmieri 12:32

Iron man 2009 never heard of it. What's?

Alan Lazaros 12:37

it about any characters, any actors in it I might have heard of, yeah, probably so in that film, his house on the side of the cliffs, and anyone who's seen it, it's, it's awesome. And the iron man house was always a dream. Now it's not going to be that exact house, but it could be a, a home on the ocean. At some point in my life that was a dream, okay, and I do eventually want a boat, a butt, a boat, and I would like it's going to be a sailboat now, but it's also going to have some sort of motor. I'm also hoping it's electric, honestly, because I think that'll be tackled, uh, within the next decade for sure. But anyways, self-driving, that'd be even cooler. But anyways, I, but anyways, self-driving, that'd be even cooler.

Kevin Palmieri 13:18

But anyways, neither here nor there Self-driving boat. Why don't you just stay home? Then you know what I mean. You're just going to get on the boat, let anything drive you or just stay home.

Alan Lazaros 13:26

No, no, I want the scenery.

Kevin Palmieri 13:29

Son self-driving is so offended.

Alan Lazaros 13:33

Internet Starlink on a boat. I'm telling you, you get internet on boats, I know, I know. I'm just saying how cool is that I'll be able to work I've had that we'll be able to work from the boat.

Navigating Arrogance and Achievable Goals

Alan Lazaros 13:46

You, you have a blast, I'm gonna all right. So anyways, rather than crapping on my dreams, kevin and I are driving down the pacific coast and there's the Iron man house off the cliffs of the Pacific Coast Highway and I say, dude, that's the one, and I was, obviously when I used to say things like that. I now realize how that comes off. I didn't. Back then I just thought, like I'm going to do that, awesome. So now I realize what that does. My brain calculated everything that I'm gonna have to do in order to achieve that. And this is before I knew that my brain was calculating everything.

Alan Lazaros 14:28

Emilia told me this recently. She said you don't have to put numbers in everything externally. Like no one knows what you're talking about half the time. So I'm trying my best to, but that's my modality of thinking is numbers, yeah. So I need to know how old you were. I need to know, like even when I tell my story. Okay, my father passed away when I was two years old. He was 28, my mom was 31, it was 1991. My sister was six. My stepdad was in my life from 3 to 14. Like I can't understand what my childhood was unless I have the numbers, I need to know the numbers, and I guess that's not true for a lot of people not for me.

Kevin Palmieri 15:15

Someone came to me one time they're like I want this house.

Alan Lazaros 15:17

It's like, okay, well, you know how much is it? Like I don't know like how much square feet, I don't know how many bedrooms, how many bath, like I don't know. It's like why do you want that one? It's just everything's numbers for me and again, please, yeah, just, it's so insecure of me. This part of me is so insecure of me. This part of me is so insecure because everything's a number for me. But anyways, so the Iron man house.

Alan Lazaros 15:42

I said that to Kev and at the time and I'll bring this around to goals and facing our fears and insecurities and all that stuff At the time Kev thought that was a really arrogant thing to say, okay, I do, okay Now. And I said to him at the time like someone has to buy it, to me it's a doable, achievable thing. I'm not going to do it tomorrow. And Kev shared this with me. He said, alan, when you say you're going to do things in the future, when you talk about things you're going to do, it comes off as arrogant. When you talk about things you've already done, it's not coming off as arrogant and I was like are you serious?

Kevin Palmieri 16:23

not as it depends, not as arrogant, but it still can depends, depends on the energy, it depends on a lot, yeah so can you?

Alan Lazaros 16:31

I'm going to give the obviously floor to you here. What did you think back then? What do you you think now? And what was I missing? And what were you missing?

Kevin Palmieri 16:42

The thing I said was I know somebody's going to buy the house, but 99.9999999% of people don't know anybody that has a house like that. There's a very small, so how could I assume it's you? That's all it was. It's like dude. How the hell could I assume it's you? That's all. It was like dude. How the hell can I assume it's you? When you say it's going to be you, I've never met anybody like that before, so that's why that's why I went there. I think first um, what didn't we? I think awareness does have to come before belief, because I think belief without awareness is ego or delusion or delusion.

Kevin Palmieri 17:20

Same. Thing right.

Alan Lazaros 17:20

This is one thing that I want to share real quick is I had the awareness of how to do it. I wasn't just saying it Like I know how to buy that house.

Kevin Palmieri 17:30

Not right now.

Alan Lazaros 17:30

I know that now, yeah, I know, I know, but within 25 years I can do that, and I know that to be mathematically true. I have a client who could probably buy it tomorrow.

Kevin Palmieri 17:41

You know, it's like I just couldn't understand why you I don't know the I don't get the numbers just like I can go in the gym and grab a random weight and lift it x amount of times and you might say, like how the hell did you know you could do that? Like I just know. Yeah, I remember I said that one time. When you Kevin squats and he stops at the bottom and lift it X amount of times and you might say, like how the hell did you know you could do that Like I just know.

Alan Lazaros 17:58

Yeah, I remember I said that one time when you Kevin squats and he stops at the bottom With three points on, yeah, but how'd you know you could get it up.

Kevin Palmieri 18:06

Yeah, I was like I've never not. I know I can, I've never not.

Alan Lazaros 18:18

Not one time have I ever gotten stuck like what are the odds?

Kevin Palmieri 18:20

pretty high, well, probably higher than some might call that arrogant. So it's interesting, yeah, well, I mean, I guess in my mind and I want to re-rebut my statement belief without awareness, I think, is either ego, delusion or naivete and again, I don't know which one naivete falls under. I don't know. I'm not saying it's necessarily like oh yeah, you, you're a real ass if you think you can do something you don't know how to do.

Alan Lazaros 18:41

I don't mean it like that? Does it come off as arrogant to say that I know how to buy a home like that?

Kevin Palmieri 18:46

To some people, yeah.

Alan Lazaros 18:47

Okay so again same question what did you think back then? What do you think now? What was I missing? What I missing? What were you?

Kevin Palmieri 18:55

missing I was missing time and the fact that, like I don't know, $20 million house.

Alan Lazaros 19:02

Yeah, probably. Maybe you don't have to have $20 million, it depends you don't have to have the $20 million in your bank account.

Kevin Palmieri 19:11

It's not like you have to have the $20 million. I'd like to give you this $20 million for that house, as long as you have enough cash flow coming from a business. Potentially it's not. It's doable. So I understand that at a deeper level.

Alan Lazaros 19:22

Now, Mm-hmm, hello, hello, hello nlu listener, thank you as always for listening to next level university real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the next level dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri 19:50

I assume that everybody had, like you hear celebrities that buy like $100 million mansions. It's like, oh, they must have like a billion dollars in the bank. It's like no money runs to it. It's kind of a cash flow thing, so that it's more doable. Just like here's a really good example Just like, if somebody buys a $50,000 car and their car payment is $700 a month, they don't have to have that $50,000. Yeah, it's the same exact concept they don't have to have that $50,000.

Alan Lazaros 20:16

Yeah, it's the same exact concept.

Kevin Palmieri 20:17

Right Almost nobody does, nobody has. I mean, if they had the $50,000, they'd probably just buy the car and they wouldn't do payments on it, hypothetically depending. But when I bought the, when I leased the BMW, I didn't have the $50,000 to buy it. Yeah exactly. But I said like I can afford this payment. Okay, uh, I can semi afford this payment, I'll figure it out okay cool.

Alan Lazaros 20:43

So that's something I didn't understand. The whole banking industry is built on that yeah right, that's a, that's an episode.

Kevin Palmieri 20:48

That's the point of banks yeah, I need to study up before we do an episode like that. We'll be out here talking like a fool. I don't think you understood that. When you come out and declare something so big with so much certainty, I think people have to assume it's arrogance, just because again what are the odds?

Alan Lazaros 21:10

it's this is landing this time this is landing all of this is landing. That was the first time you ever we've had this conversation in the past, not only on the show but off the show, because I think it's a good story that helps increase understanding. This is landing, different for me, interesting. I can see now. I can see clearly now that I was arrogant.

Kevin Palmieri 21:36

You know what it. You know what it is. I think this is what it is. It negates the challenges that most people face. You're literally saying like I'm going to do something that a lot of people just struggle with on a day-to-day basis, but I'm going to like way do it. There's a lot of people struggling with money. It's like I'm going to get to the place where I'm not. I mean I'll, I'm gonna buy that house one day. That I think the same thing could be said. I said this in next level nation today. The post was what's one big goal this year that you'd be really proud if you accomplished, even if it's like either a stretch goal or if it's just kind of like out of left field? And I said to do a fitness photo shoot.

Alan Lazaros 22:17

So I have a client who wants to achieve a $75 million net worth. Does that come off as arrogant?

Kevin Palmieri 22:26

What's this person's current net worth?

Alan Lazaros 22:32

Anywhere between 5 and 10.

Kevin Palmieri 22:36

No, it doesn't come off as arrogant to me, because they're already on their way. You and I were broke as shit.

Alan Lazaros 22:41

Brother, you know what I mean. Brother, brother, brother. I had already proven that I could become a global 1% earner.

Kevin Palmieri 22:48

Yeah, but it's a big difference, you and I were literally offered a million dollars, not two weeks from that I remember that.

Alan Lazaros 22:59

The old me would never have even been able to have this conversation on air I had hoped that you would have taken the money, but you didn't.

Kevin Palmieri 23:05

Good, it's a good thing you didn't. We were broke as shit. No, I understand Living on credit cards and it's so hard to equate for time. I feel like I was a little boy At that point Because I kind of was compared to who I am today. But in five years I'm going to feel like I was a little boy again.

Alan Lazaros 23:27

That.

Kevin Palmieri 23:29

You know what it is too. It's the exponential.

Alan Lazaros 23:31

You didn't understand exponentials.

Kevin Palmieri 23:33

No.

Alan Lazaros 23:34

Exponentials are a game changer man. Everything is exponential, that doesn't Exponentials. No, exponentials are a game changer man. Everything is exponential, that doesn't. You are exponentially more aware than you were back then. That's why you get what if I back then was aware of all this and now you are too?

Kevin Palmieri 23:49

Well, I think you were. Yeah, I think you were, and I couldn't. If I'm not aware enough to know how aware you are, you're going to sound like a dong. Sorry about that. You know what I mean? Yeah, so whose fault is that? Is that my fault? No, it's For understanding that you're a math genius. For not understanding, it's like oh yeah, you're cool, You're like super, super smart and you know math and stuff like yeah, interesting, you're gifted. Or is it your fault for not being able to explain it properly? Ah?

Kevin Palmieri 24:23

now don't over don't over ownership, because we were doing this in a previous episode. I would say it's both, but the one that I have control over is my effective communication I could have asked and said like well, how, how, what, how, how could you ever do that?

Alan Lazaros 24:40

I'm sure I would have felt not attacked at all, right well, I would have said it nicer.

Kevin Palmieri 24:46

I would. I would have tried to say it nicer. Yeah, here's the other thing too. You mentioned taking a risk, I think somewhere in there oh, you want to talk about taking a risk? You stop at a burrito taco cart on the side of the highway on the way to an interview. 1795 boss, it was great, some of the best. I was sweating profusely. It was so hot.

Alan Lazaros 25:05

We have a nice picture of that. I took a picture it was.

Kevin Palmieri 25:07

It was pacific coast.

Alan Lazaros 25:08

We saw dolphins.

Kevin Palmieri 25:09

We see dolphins no, you lied to everybody. No, no, I wanted to see dolphins. Okay, well, I wanted, I wanted to a lot of things that didn't happen. I did see dolphins in South.

Alan Lazaros 25:19

Carolina. It was awesome. We went swimming Porpoises. Apparently, there's a difference, I don't know.

Kevin Palmieri 25:27

Porpoises versus dolphins Interesting. We went swimming in the Pacific Ocean.

Alan Lazaros 25:31

Yeah, that did happen. I was looking for dolphins.

Kevin Palmieri 25:34

Didn't see any. I don't know about this. There are a lot of sharks here. For sure I'm not going in too deep.

Alan Lazaros 25:44

So the point of this episode was when you set goals, it forces you to grow in order to achieve them. The problem is, if you don't believe in yourself, you might feel stuck. Because you don't believe in yourself, you might feel stuck because you don't believe in yourself enough to set goals. And if you don't set goals, you won't have the necessity to face the challenges that actually will get you to face your insecurities. And I use the example I know we've got to jump here in a sec, but I use the example of Emilia came to me and said I've been doing therapy since I was 12. And I feel like what's going to unlock and help you tremendously? We promised each other we're going to help each other grow. Therapy would be super valuable and I'm certain of that. You're leaving a lot on the table by not doing therapy.

Alan Lazaros 26:27

And my goodness, was she right? But I didn't make any sense. It was like what do you mean? It's like I know a lot of stuff. And she explained it in a way where I kind of understood it enough to at least do it. And I said it has to be Carol. So my therapist, carol has to be, carol has to be, has to be, and she had a wait list at the time, so I had to kind of we had interviewed Carol way back. She's awesome, but anyways, anyways. So my point of this is my, my goal to be with and be the best partner I can be for emilia, to build my life with her, to get engaged, married, family, kids and I'm now realizing how arrogant all that might be sounding, considering all of that hasn't happened yet, but we've already talked about all of it, we've already vision boarded all of this. How many? What color?

Kevin Palmieri 27:17

I'm kidding uh well, hey I. I vision boarded a net worth of two million dollars and I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

Alan Lazaros 27:24

So vision boards are great, I'm all for them.

The Necessity of Setting Goals

Alan Lazaros 27:27

You're on your way, but it means, but it essentially means nothing if you don't if you don't know how to do it, I do feel like emily and I know how to do, yeah, what we're vision boarding. I'm always playful with, you know, the kids. It's uh, we're gonna have two or three. We're gonna have one red one, one. I'm joking, obviously, I'm being playful, uh, but a lot of times, let me I digress my goal to be the best partner I could be for emilia. I made em Amelia two promises when I asked her to be with me. I wrote her a letter, I got her a necklace and a teddy bear Named Bing Bong. Excuse me, yeah, yeah, bing Bong. Yeah, from the first Inside Out movie, bing Bong, bing Bong.

Kevin Palmieri 28:12

I don't remember. Your memory is so much better than mine. Glaze right over that.

Alan Lazaros 28:15

Alan looks down uncomfortably, I don't remember. Your memory is so much better than mine.

Kevin Palmieri 28:18

Glaze right over that. Alan looks down uncomfortably.

Alan Lazaros 28:21

I would say that's probably true. I have a very strong memory.

Alan Lazaros 28:24

I would say it's 100% true, very grateful, very grateful, for my memory, but anyways. So I got her a necklace and I wrote her a note and I got her a teddy bear named Bing Bong, which also was donated to a charity for for children. So and we still have bing bong on the on the couch downstairs. But when I asked her to be with me, I promised her two things. I promised her number one I would always protect her heart. And number two, I would always help her shine as bright as possible. And in my desire to continue doing that, I needed to go to therapy so that I could continue growing as a man. And it's been tremendous, it's been unbelievable.

Alan Lazaros 29:02

But my point is is that if I didn't have a goal to be with emilia smith- yeah and if she didn't have the self-worth to actually honor that, her value, I wouldn't have gone to therapy and we wouldn't be where we are today. And so goals are the necessity necessary to grow. And so set goals, make sure they're realistic, make sure they're in alignment with your core values, because I've also set goals that were not in alignment with my core values and I ended up wildly unfulfilled. But goals are, I might, I love goals, man. I'm a huge fan. I can't imagine life without them. I love them.

Kevin Palmieri 29:41

Same. Love them Same Controversial take. Ego and delusion when it comes to people saying I am fine the way I am is dangerous as hell. You can be great the way you are and you can move closer to whatever is next. Because if you don't, if you are complete and you are fully evolved and you have no more work to do, you're not going to set goals and you're not going to have any necessity to do anything different. If you were, complete.

Alan Lazaros 30:16

You would be fulfilled totally, 100, 100 fulfilled because you'd be full and then you'd explode because you'd win the game there's no such thing as 100 fulfilled, which means there's always room to reach your potential.

Alan Lazaros 30:36

It's a mountain that gets higher. As you climb it, you never really reach your potential. You just get closer and closer and closer yeah, it's sad and you get more and more and more whole and more and more and more fulfilled, which is good for yourself, your family, the world, the listeners, the yeah, the world needs more fulfilled people, and that goes back to the last episode.

Kevin Palmieri 31:00

It does go back to the last episode. All right, we got to get you out of here. Alan's like dude. You got to get me off by a certain time tonight.

Alan Lazaros 31:05

Last question yeah. Do you believe that you can be fulfilled without goals? Shit, no goals.

Kevin Palmieri 31:19

Shit, I feel like you'd have to be so lucky that you'd fall into Like I imagine, no, no, no, because the goal's the guide, I think the goal's I was going to to say imagine somebody who is just so charitable and they love taking care of people and they just somehow fall into this role where they get to travel around the world and take care of people. The goal is to take care of people. So, no, I think it would be really hard. I think you can delude yourself. I was thinking of this it's super cool to talk about.

Kevin Palmieri 31:55

It can seem super cool from an ego place to talk about how, yeah, we went to this club and we rented a table and we got bottles and we had bottle service and they were bringing over the giant bottles and they had fireworks coming out of them. It was awesome. Like that's not fulfilling. But to a certain crowd, if you say that it's like yo, that's what I want, so it can seem attractive and sought after, even if it's not. There's some of the dumbest things I ever did probably sound the coolest like. How many of my stories where I was a freaking loser are funny? They're funny most because I was a loser. That's why they're funny because, but if, if I said that today, if I was like, yeah, I woke up today and I smoked a little weed, I watched a bunch of porn and then I played playstation for six hours and then I went to the club and bought everyone shots.

Alan Lazaros 32:52

Yeah, you'd be like kev kev what?

Kevin Palmieri 32:57

what are you doing tomorrow? It's like same shit, same shit. Tomorrow, what's tomorrow we're gonna do? The same shit, same shit. Tomorrow, you would be alarmed for, of course, like what are you okay? Are you okay? Like, do you have anybody in your life that you're spending time with? You're just like spending time with yourself all day. So I don't know that got dark there for a minute. My apologies on that.

Alan Lazaros 33:17

No, it's true, man, the people that are doing that stuff, they're probably not as fulfilled as they could be.

Kevin Palmieri 33:24

I can't imagine, and they're probably not as fulfilled as you think. They are, definitely not. I'm willing to. I would bet on that.

Alan Lazaros 33:36

Favorite part about coaching so many people very grateful is learning so much about the human condition. You just learn these patterns. It doesn't matter what culture, doesn't matter what country male, female, you name it.

Kevin Palmieri 33:43

Quick question before we get out of here why is it called the human condition? Oh, geez man, makes it sound like it's a sickness, almost. Yeah, you know, in some ways, the human condition.

Alan Lazaros 34:01

It's called that because, no matter what you do, it's like atrociously difficult. Has anybody ever asked you that before? No, that's a fire question, because the human condition is essentially like what we're all stuck in. So you got to make the most of it and no matter what you do, it's still going to be atrociously hard.

Kevin Palmieri 34:22

It's like the human experience. Yeah, that's another way.

Alan Lazaros 34:25

That's a more positive way to frame it, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri 34:28

The human hamster wheel.

Alan Lazaros 34:30

That's one way to frame it.

United Fans

Kevin Palmieri 34:32

You don't hear that one often. All right, we're gonna get out of here next elimination. We are grateful for each and every one of you. If you want to make sure you never miss an opportunity to get to the next level and, I would say, be a part of deep, hopefully meaningful, awareness raising conversations, that's what we're trying to do here. Make sure you're subscribed so you never miss an opportunity to get to the next level. Alan has free 30 minute business breakthrough sessions. We'll have the link in the show notes, no strings attached. You can jump on. Alan can literally help you come up with habits, maybe get clearer on goals. Whatever, it is Totally free, no strings attached, not going to sell you anything, and we'll have the link in the show notes for that. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and NLU we, the United fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Stay focused. Excellenation, thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next.

Alan Lazaros 35:24

Level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri 35:34

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.