Next Level University

A Simple Human Understanding (1946)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Are your needs shaping your life in ways you don’t realize? In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros unpack six human needs and reveal how your unique order could hold you back or propel you forward. Learn how to align your actions with what truly matters and identify constructive versus destructive ways of meeting your needs. Whether building stronger relationships, growing your self-worth, or enhancing your contribution to the world, this episode is your guide to personal growth.

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Show notes:
(3:06) Productive Vs. Destructive ways to meet needs
(5:54) Certainty and variety defined
(9:41) Significance and emotional triggers
(13:43) Growth and contribution: True fulfillment
(14:07) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.
(17:02) Balancing personal needs in relationships
(22:26) Real-life applications of the needs framework
(25:58) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

I think as you grow, they change. When you grow, your internal self becomes strong and the external world affects you less. All that is is you're able to handle more uncertainty. Again, I'm still certainty-focused, but it's different. It's not the same as it used to be. I had to know everything.

Alan Lazaros

Apparently, the first four are the needs of the human, survival needs, and then the last two are the ones that provide fulfillment that most people don't really tap into until after basic needs are met. So food, water, shelter, love, connection, some sort of significance, and then boom. Okay, now, all of a sudden. Now what?

Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up yourief self-worth self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success. Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University. To Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today for episode number 1,946, a Simple Human Understanding. That'd be a pretty cool band name, hey man, did you hear that?

Kevin Palmieri

new single from A Simple Human Understanding. That'd be a pretty cool band name. Yeah, hey, man, did you hear that new single from a simple human understanding and the the shortened would be ashu ashu interesting. That is actually my band. A band name cool, a simple human give us a hit.

Alan Lazaros

What would one of the hits give?

Kevin Palmieri

us, oh man I mean it would be just, oh wait, like the actual chorus. Yeah, and that's like a, that's a riff, I don't know. You can't put me on the spot like that, because I would need like a song. We don't have time for that right now. I did do a. Remember I did a rap back in the day on one of the episodes. It was one of the most nerve-wracking.

Kevin Palmieri

This was like oh yeah, in the maybe 100, 200s. This was like way back in the day Throwback. So you and I were having a conversation last week Last week, two weeks ago, most likely Typical and we were very deep and you were talking about something that you had gone through and I was talking about something that I had gone through and I said, now more than ever, I agree with what Tony Robbins said in his TED talk about how everybody is just trying to get their needs met. Some people are doing it in productive ways, other people are doing it destructive ways. Some people are doing it consciously, some people are doing it in destructive ways, some people are doing it consciously, some people are doing it unconsciously.

Kevin Palmieri

But now more than ever, I really see, I really try to see I don't want to say it that way I really try to see the need that is being met more than almost anything else, because it gives us a really good understanding. It's an explanation, not an excuse. And again, that's not my quote. I saw that somewhere. Can you go through the six basic human needs that tony talked about in his ted talk and then we can kind of dive into?

Alan Lazaros

yeah, we'll see what happens after that before I do the six oh for human needs, fletcher's sake. I should have just said him I should have just said him Trying to keep me on the rails.

Kevin Palmieri

I should have just said him Either way we're going to get to, the same thing's going to happen, no matter what. So you know it, go on.

Alan Lazaros

Coach Michael Burt says he wrote a book. Oh damn, what's the name of his new book?

Kevin Palmieri

damn, I'm not, it's not prey, drive there's.

Alan Lazaros

He wrote a book and he deconstructed the top 20 motivational theories. We met michael bark, michael brook, michael burke. I lost it, I did, I just lost it. I just lost everything. I lost it, dude. I just lost it. I just lost everything.

Kevin Palmieri

Michael Burt, michael Burt, my brain broke, Just for behind the scenes some days when Alan and I are working together. It happens to both of us, but it's very noticeable what happens to him. He'll literally be like in the middle of a thought and then you can see his brain has just turned off. It's like, okay, we're done, that just happened.

Alan Lazaros

It's called hold on. I just turned on audible. I apologize, it's called flip the switch. I couldn't move on. I couldn't, I couldn't move on. Okay, flip the switch and I promise I'll bring this back to the needs. He says that he deconstructed the top 20 motivational theories from research and he said that unsatisfied needs motivate. Satisfied needs never motivate. So unsatisfied needs are not a bad thing. They're not. However, the way you meet those needs can be a very bad thing Drugs, alcohol, pornography, blah, blah, blah. There's constructive and destructive ways to meet your needs, and I just wanted to open with that. Okay and whoa, here we are. Saturday morning, let's rock and roll. Who was that again?

Kevin Palmieri

What was the author's name? Charles Brooks.

Certainty and variety defined

Alan Lazaros

What was his name? Coach Michael Brooks? That's my bad, sorry, mr Burt. Okay, the six human needs. The first one is Certainty. Second one is Variety. Third one is Significance. Fourth one is Love. Third one is significance. Fourth one is love slash connection. Fifth one is growth. Sixth is contribution okay the.

Alan Lazaros

We all have all six, but the order affects everything, the direction of our life. So kevin's very certainty driven and used to be very significance driven, now he's, I would say certainty first, growth, second, contribution third, most likely. But when you're certain, it's growth and contribution, and certainty to you is money, yes. So see how much we know you. We didn't know you back in the day, man, I didn't know me either.

Kevin Palmieri

That's what I'm saying now nobody else can really know me it's very predictable.

Alan Lazaros

Okay, there's a certain amount that kevin needs in his bank account in order to be certain. Okay, after that, he can focus on growth and contribution and the future. So we know a lot about kev based on these needs. So let's define each one. Certainty is we all tire, so for me, certainty is my love with emilia. Like if our relationship is 10 out of 10, I feel like I can change the world. When her and I aren't 10 out of 10, it's very hard for me to like show up to a podcast and then add value. Like if her and I weren't good Dude, I would have a really hard time being here. I'd still be here, but I wouldn't care as much about the craft and the listener when I'm uncertain about the love of my life. If she was hurt, all my certainty gone, like whatever.

Kevin Palmieri

Now question Does it help you have empathy, knowing it might be the same for me, when we don't have money? Yeah, 100%, okay, 100%.

Alan Lazaros

I just didn't know, ian. There's thresholds to this too, right? Like Emilia and I don't need to be 10 out of 10, but if we're 2 out of 10, I'm not even going to be here and I would text you and say, man, I'm.

Kevin Palmieri

I mean, we've been 2 out of 10 financially for sure. Yeah, I'm sorry, We've been negative out of 10. I'm so sorry.

Alan Lazaros

Well, I've been negative out of 10 with relationships. Amelia, fortunately, Fortunately, the lowest we've ever dipped is probably like a seven. So I have a lot of certainty, so I feel very good, okay. So certainty, number one, boom, okay. Number two is variety. You and I eat the same shit, do the same stuff. We are consistent because we don't need variety. Amelia needs more variety than I do, taryn needs more variety than you do. We have a hundred different. I just found this out and you can tell who doesn't take care of the plants, which is me. I'm in charge of the fake ones. We have a hundred different species of plants in our home. It's a big variety.

Kevin Palmieri

Whoa, if it was up to you, how many would you have?

Alan Lazaros

And I don't mean up to you as in like you're actively letting them die.

Kevin Palmieri

I just mean, if you were in charge of Probably none yeah, probably none, I've never been a big plant guy.

Significance and emotional triggers

Alan Lazaros

I don't. It's not something that I've. I like them and I think that they're probably really good for us. Honestly Like, having a good amount of plants in your home is apparently extremely good for your health, which makes perfect sense. Nature, carbon dioxide, oxygen yeah, really good symbiotic relationship. Anyways, variety she gets her variety in certain ways, I get my variety in other ways. I can watch the same movie over and over. She can't that kind of thing. Okay, boom, significance. Significance is usually statistically, significance and certainty are the two big ones. So I would say probably 80-20 rule. We'll just use Pareto principle on this. I'd say 80% of the population has one of their first two as certainty or significance. And the truth of the matter is is that, how do I say this properly? As I've matured as a man, I crave significance less and less. But when I was younger and I was like in high school, I mean, high schoolers are a perfect example of just significance. See me, see me, am I the cool kid? Am I with the popular? I mean, it's just brutal, right and insecurity.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, insecure. You probably like a lot of significance, understandably, because that gives you certainty it gives you significance?

Alan Lazaros

well, yeah, but mentioned.

Kevin Palmieri

But getting getting significance gives you certainty too, because it's like oh, I'm now, I'm certain in myself, or I'm certain that person?

Alan Lazaros

yeah, I'm important. I was thinking about this recently. Do you think that one of the reasons why people get upset if I'm late is because it makes them feel less important? Yeah, for sure and that's one thing I've had to let go of.

Alan Lazaros

It's like it's not personal, it's not, so it makes sense, though, for me now, finally, which is like, if someone has the core wound that we talked about remember it's an episode, two episodes ago, I think what's the core wound? What triggers it and what is your response to that? Someone else being late for you triggers you're not good enough, Like if you were valuable enough, they would be on time.

Kevin Palmieri

And again, I know this isn't conscious it's more like not appreciated, not appreciated. So it's more again, but that's something that I'm super focused on. Like, for me, being on time is a principle, not a preference. For me going back to last episode. It is a principle. I don't like being late for anything ever. I hate it. I can't stand it Again, I think that's a good thing.

Alan Lazaros

I'm not knocking that. I think that's really important. I think it's something that I could work on, I need to work on Okay, so that's significance. So significance is how important do you feel to the people around you, to the world? I think career is where a lot of people get a lot of importance.

Alan Lazaros

I remember I had a boss's boss at iRobot and I remember thinking I wonder if at home because he was very capable and competent, he ran the whole global product management team. And I remember thinking wow, you really you're kind of hot shit here, like this is that's. That must be cool. I wonder how it is at home for you. And I think one of my friends said this. He said I bet you cause I was talking to him about it I bet you, at home he's not the boss and that must be hard for him because at home his wife's probably the boss and like he must feel insignificant. And then he comes into work feeling like empowered again. And so I've noticed this Most people are either they feel significant in their career or significant at home.

Alan Lazaros

Very rarely do you have both. I finally have both, but it used to be career for sure, because in my relationships. I would feel so insignificant. It's like I don't feel that important here, because, of course, you're not going to feel important when you're trying to help someone achieve goals and dreams and they unconsciously don't want to or don't believe in themselves. So anyways, little side tangent. So where do you get your significance and where is the order there? Then there's love and connection. A lot of people, like myself, I thought love was not as important. That's definitely one of the most important for me. I didn't realize Underneath. That's really what I wanted was unconditional love, okay.

Growth and contribution: True fulfillment

Alan Lazaros

And then fifth is growth and then sixth is contribution. Apparently, the first four are the needs of the human, survival needs, and then the last two are the ones that provide fulfillment that most people don't really tap into until after basic needs are met. So food, water, shelter, love, connection, some sort of significance. And then boom, Okay, now all of a sudden, now what? You and I both hit six figures in our early mid-20s and after that it was now what? Okay, basic needs are met. And then some Now needs are met, and then some now what growth and contribution. I think growth and contribution are just not. I mean, when you don't know if you're gonna have food. There's no way you can care about growth, of course not right oh, I think I'm gonna work on my personal development today.

At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM.

Alan Lazaros

No way you're gonna go find a way to get food right. So, and that's totally understandable. What's the order? Growth is learning, expansion, getting outside your comfort zone, emotional intelligence, IQ. Contribution is Whatever you contribute to the world your body of work, your career, your service, your volunteer work, your generosity, your charities that you donate to NLU. Listener, what is happening? I just wanted to jump in here and let you know if you want to get to the next level faster. We have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month. You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. The link to register will be in the show notes. Okay, so what's your order, Kev.

Kevin Palmieri

Oh no.

Alan Lazaros

And what is the way you meet each need? One way you meet each need and then we'll unpack it for the listener.

Kevin Palmieri

Certainty is number one, for sure, then probably contribution Might have chose the wrong business partner Definitely. At times. For sure, Certainty is number one. Contribution, growth, love, significance, significance, variety, variety Nice, I would say and that's changed, that's changed a lot over time.

Alan Lazaros

Yes, it has. That's what evolution is, I think. So what was it before Old Kev? And by the way, I was answering because I love the dialogue between Kevin and I, but I also we've been studying. I mean, we did an episode on this back in the hundreds. Oh, we've done several episodes on this. Yeah, this has got to be at least part six or something.

Kevin Palmieri

For sure. Back in the day it was probably Certainty, still Certainty, significance, love, growth and contribution were absolutely last. I would say growth was last Contribution. I always wanted to contribute, I just wasn't super capable of it.

Alan Lazaros

I want to share the implication. I think variety was always maybe last or second to last. It was always last or second to last. Yeah, old Kev, I think growth was last. New Kev variety is definitely last. Yeah, and you and I both have variety last which?

Kevin Palmieri

is good.

Alan Lazaros

I think that's a superpower. Yeah, that's why we can be so consistent.

Kevin Palmieri

It's a superpower for what we want to do, but again it's a superpower.

Alan Lazaros

For what?

Kevin Palmieri

we want to do. But it's again, it's not necessarily if you, if you're somebody who is not at all variety driven and you have a partner who is, that's a thing Like I can do better with planning dates because I don't care as much. So I have to be hyper conscious that my natural is not somebody else's natural.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, this Sunday I was thinking about it. My natural is like we're just gonna stay home. Same, that's my natural.

Balancing personal needs in relationships

Kevin Palmieri

I would have to go very out of my way to like wait I want to go somewhere actively planning a date yeah but it has to be conscious, because if I don't do it consciously, yeah, yeah, it's not natural I'll just float my way over to the couch boom done that's that's the day.

Alan Lazaros

Here we are, so let's unpack some of the implications. So Old Kev had certainty significance as the first two. And contribution, it was certainty, significance, contribution. So here's the problem Growth contribution being higher than growth is dangerous, because if you don't grow your income, you're not going to be able to contribute more.

Kevin Palmieri

Or if I don't grow myself, I'm not going to be able to contribute Grow your income and therefore grow your contribution.

Alan Lazaros

So people say go-getter, I say grow-giver. It was go-getter and go-giver. There's a book I read once called Go-Giver go getter and go giver. There's a book I read once called Go Giver. I don't remember the author.

Kevin Palmieri

Bob, I remember thinking that's not, it's.

Alan Lazaros

Bob Berg, I believe it was half the equation Yin and yang. It was only the yin Grow giver. Let's say I grow my income to. You know, we'll start small, 2,000 a month, and then I grow it to 4,000 a month. Now I can give more. Now I grow it from 4,000 to 8,000. Now I can give more. But you have to grow first. You can't just give, give, give. That's a martyr. If you just go get, get, get, you're a selfish prick, potentially, potentially, seriously, seriously, like if you don't contribute to society, to your family, to your yeah you are.

Alan Lazaros

You're selfish, Like there's overly selfish and overly selfless. Overly selfless is a martyr you burn yourself down to try to save everyone else. And then overly selfish is you don't care about anyone but yourself and we all need to find five. The old me wouldn't have been able to say all that out loud. I actually do think some people are selfish. I really do. That is an absolute fact, yeah 100%. Just like I'm not a fan.

Kevin Palmieri

It doesn't sound, that's. The thing is just like. There are some people out there that are martyrs, but being a martyr sounds respectable. It's like wow, that person they just give and give, like they give way more than they have.

Alan Lazaros

You ever hear the they would give the shirt off their back. Yeah, I see you. That's not smart. No, it's not ideal. You could go buy another shirt, like go to work and then buy someone a shirt instead of taking the one off your back. Right, so yeah. But to go back to this originally Old Kev versus new Kev, how the hell did you change your needs structure? Because that, ultimately, has changed everything. There's no way certainty and significance could be first two and then start a holistic self-improvement company with me.

Kevin Palmieri

I think as you grow, they change. Focused more on, there's the I don't know if it's a saying or if it's a quote or if it's a meme, but you hear people talk about how, when you grow, your internal self becomes strong and the external world affects you less, and I think all that is is you're able to handle more uncertainty. I think when I was super focused on again, I'm still certainty focused, but it's different. It's not the same as it used. I had to know everything, what meets each need like.

Alan Lazaros

Let's go into one thing that meets each need, because it's not only the need structure that's different. It's what it's. How are you meeting your needs? Money is certainty makes sense why it's so confusing. You have to know the order, not just the past, but the present and the future. You have to know how you're meeting each need and whether or not it's constructive or destructive to your future yeah, it's a lot.

Kevin Palmieri

I mean, there's a lot. Certainty for me is financial. That's where my core wounds come from, so that's the thing that I need the most certainty in Love, taryn. As long as I have Taryn, I don't really need much else. I don't need that many friends. That's where I get my love, taryn and connection, significance, probably this, I would say the podcast.

Kevin Palmieri

I don't really being jacked. Being jacked, oh yeah, that's fair being jacked, but like I don't, it doesn't really matter whether or not I post pictures of myself. Do I get significance when people reach out and say you're in really good shape? Yeah, but it's not as much of a requirement as it used to be. If you go my handle's at neverquitkid, if you don't follow me, alan's is at alazaros88. If you go look back in 2015, like 2014 to 2016,. If you go look at my instagram, it's all bodybuilding stuff. All of that was because it made me feel significant. All of that I didn't post every day because I felt like I was adding value. I posted every day because I was jacked and people. I get a lot of love for that. Like that was all significance based for sure so wild so that was that variety.

Real-life applications of the needs framework

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, I don't, I watch a different movie. That's that's like how I get my variety. Yeah, it's just I watch a different show or a different movie. Now I'm married and taryn's is is than mine, so I'm going and doing something. Planning something for her is good variety for me, yeah for sure, Because I just don't value it as much. Growth and contribution.

Alan Lazaros

The podcast Growing Emilia last night sorry to interrupt. She mentioned I was watching a. There's a new film on Netflix about. It's based in 1859, and it was during the Civil War, but it's like the Western front and it's chapter one, so I don't know if it's a show or a movie. I think it's a movie. I think there's going to be three chapters. It's long as hell, like three hours.

Alan Lazaros

So I think it's like a show slash movie Cause there's going to be three chapters. They've been doing that a lot lately, like doing part one. Part two was awesome and the scenery and the nature and it was great. And she's like I'd love to road trip to wyoming and I was like, okay, noted, that's a trick, that a track, a trick, that's a track yeah, supposedly very least a week.

Kevin Palmieri

Very beautiful. Yeah, one of the things to do that.

Alan Lazaros

It's just, you know when, the, how far are we gonna do?

Kevin Palmieri

that I very much feel you on that last thing. I know we maybe we'll have to do part two because we didn't get a ton into them. We'll see. We'll see how it wraps up here. So Taron's brother got married last year. So now my brother-in-law got married last year. In his wife's family is somebody who won the show Alone. So Alone is a show where they stick you on an island and you have to find a way to survive and the person who lasts the longest wins. He won the show. He does these wildlife, wilderness, nature things where he takes people out and teaches them survival. And he invited us to do it because he was at the wedding. Super cool dude, Coolest dude. He's been on a lot of Joe Rogan, he's been on all the big shows. Just a cool, down-to-earth dude. And I told Taryn I was like how awesome would that be? When the hell am I going to do that? It's quite like there are no phones.

Kevin Palmieri

It's like this is a week away from everything. That's the point of it. I'll be right with you. I'll whittle that fire real quick. I've got to batch my WhatsApp real quick.

Alan Lazaros

Give me five. That ain't going to work, at least not yet.

Kevin Palmieri

That is maybe a future thing. I'd love to do that. That would be awesome. I think that's a really cool way to get variety. It's just a matter of.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, there goes your certainty, though there is no certainty there. Well, I started a business, so I'd have more free time, that's.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, I'm 20 years in. I think that'll happen, but we're not there yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Maybe I don't know Whatever.

Alan Lazaros

You know better than I do. All right, your needs, especially the top three, okay, and then how are you meeting them and what is destructive in the way you're meeting them? Because that's what you do if you want to have a constructive life. I think you just eliminate the destructive persons, places, things and ideas. I feel like that's more important at least it has been for me. It's been more important to eliminate the destructive stuff than it has been to try to do the constructive stuff.

Kevin Palmieri

I would agree with that for sure. I think that's very accurate. Do you think we'll have to? I don't want to say we'll have to do. You think we should do a part two? Yeah, for sure I want to make a note of it.

Outro

Kevin Palmieri

Alright, cool Alright. I don't have a three second wrap up because I have a lot of examples I want to go into and we didn't have time to do it today, so I'm going to save it. I'm going to save it. Okay. Next Level Nation. If you haven't got your Dreamliner for Q1, make sure you do. Mine is still not here because, for some reason, I live this is my old one, evidently. I live in the Antarctic and it takes two weeks to get to me. Other people order it and it gets there. Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an opportunity to get to Next Level. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful, grateful, grateful for each and every one of you At NLU. We don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros

Stay Next Level.

Kevin Palmieri

Next Level Nation. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host