Next Level University

Leaving People Behind VS Hanging On Too Long (1956)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Are you holding on to relationships that no longer serve your goals? Or do you struggle to build connections that genuinely support your growth? In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros unpack the struggles of leaving people behind or staying too long in misaligned relationships. They share personal stories, reveal the five relationship buckets, and offer practical tips to align your network with your dreams. Learn to set boundaries, build supportive connections, and confidently embrace growth challenges.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700 Free 30-minute Coaching Call with Alan - https://bit.ly/4f3MSUz
Next Level Dreamliner: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://bit.ly/3BQBYDr
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:13) The five relationship buckets explained
(3:52) Supportive Vs. Misaligned relationships
(11:40) Leaving people behind
(16:36) The value of setting boundaries
(21:32) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching.
(25:12) Loneliness at the top Vs. Bottom
(38:07) Finding alignment
(41:06) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

I went from having a lot of nostalgia and a lot of maintenance to getting rid of almost all the nostalgia and getting rid of like pretty much all the maintenance and then just diving headfirst into growth wisdom and then eventually I was able to actually teach people stuff. In the beginning it obviously doesn't work that way because I didn't really have any value to bring. Then eventually now there's a lot of people in my mentee bucket.

Alan Lazaros

I'm spending a lot of time here and I'm not getting a lot out of this anymore. When it comes to growth and goals and this is one of the things is in every relationship, you're getting something. Are you getting what you value most and are you getting what you need to achieve your goals? And I think that they're reached a point where I can't stay in the growth bucket with these people. We're not peers anymore.

Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and.

Alan Lazaros

I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus, at.

Kevin Palmieri

NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

We bring you a new episode every single day, on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,956, we promised we would do this episode based on our previous episode, leaving people behind versus hanging on too long which one of those is hardest for you? And I think this is a really good episode from a place of self-awareness, because there is most likely a reason the one that is harder for you is harder for you.

The five relationship buckets explained

Kevin Palmieri

So I was somebody who never thought I was going to be successful and I realized pretty early on that if I didn't have people around me that really, really, really rooted for me and really, really, really believed in what I was doing and really understood why I was doing it and gave me the space to do it and gave me the grace to do it and all of that, there was no way I was going to make it. So I was very quick to move on from people and I know again, here's the thing If you resonate with that, I feel you. If you don't resonate with that, it might sound cold, it might sound calculated, it might sound selfish. I all the all the permission to feel those feelings, but we all have our own flow when it comes to this. So there were times where I remember I was dating someone one time and she just didn't get it. She's like it was kind of like this podcast thing you're doing is cute. It was like no, no, no, I'm going to dedicate my life to this.

Alan Lazaros

You don't get it. You don't get it. I can just picture you trying to explain no, no, no, no. This is like, this is like a thing, my calling this is my life's work.

Kevin Palmieri

This is what I'm meant to do in the world. Oh, that's cute oh man, that's kind of what it felt like. So I knew, I knew pretty quickly on that that wasn't gonna succeed. And again, this life isn't for everyone, so I don't I don't necessarily blame that person. It's like, yeah, yeah, honestly, it's gonna be a wild ride. So it's not for everybody. I completely understand, but if you look at the people Go ahead.

Alan Lazaros

Can we share the contrast how Taryn treated it versus that person?

Kevin Palmieri

I remember when Taryn and I reconnected reconnected she had. She hadn't been consistently listening to the podcast, but she checked in on it to see what we were up to and how we'd been doing. And yeah, we she's been the most supportive. The conversation we had in the very beginning was she said you have to make me a promise You'll never force me to be an entrepreneur. And I said I would never put you through that hell.

Alan Lazaros

Ellen wait. Yeah, ellen will try.

Kevin Palmieri

But I'll promise I'll make sure it doesn't happen and I wonder why, when I try to get her to write a book, you were like dude stop that ain't it, and I said you have to promise me you'll never try to take the podcast away, because if you do I'll have to leave, like this is my thing, this is my. But that level of honesty from the beginning is what was super important, and the the support has been amazing. I mean I couldn't do this without a very, very, very supportive partner.

Alan Lazaros

There's no way for sure, and he thought about it last night, we were recording till 8 30. I almost said thank taryn for me I.

Kevin Palmieri

Last night we finished up.

Alan Lazaros

I spent more time with him than his wife, we finished.

Kevin Palmieri

I finished up in the office at nine. I was in bed at 902. I like nodded off. Let me ask you a question sell me on why I shouldn't take nyquil every single night for the rest of my life before I go to sleep. I got back-to-back 91 sleep scores. I've been sleeping like a baby. Sell me on why I shouldn't. I love it.

Alan Lazaros

I love it this is one of kevin's best techniques he sells himself on the when he knows he's doing something wildly irrational.

Kevin Palmieri

I know it's bad.

Alan Lazaros

Do you know how many times he's come to me? He's like dude. This is either the smartest thing I've ever come up with or the dumbest shit ever.

Kevin Palmieri

It's usually the second one, usually, unfortunately. What if we just run that? You know, yeah over, and I just have to adjust?

Alan Lazaros

what I'm talking about anonymously, yes, yes, what if we just ran the credit card? I have to? I have?

Kevin Palmieri

to adjust my shades here because the camera I get a little ghost to my camera right now, but I'm listening.

Alan Lazaros

It's brutal, it's brutal okay, so let me sell you on the opposite, which is good for staying at five, and rational, sell me. I am with you on the NyQuil thing. I think anytime you're struggle bus, we have an emergency care package. Anytime you feel like you're on your way to getting sick, we do all the stuff. Some of it is placebo. I get it. Whatever, it works like a charm. Electric blanket heat boom awesome. It works like a charm. Electric blanket heat boom awesome. So NyQuil has been unbelievable at getting high sleep scores.

Kevin Palmieri

Fair. Yes, yeah, very good. Cheat code cheat code.

Alan Lazaros

Now it has alcohol in it. First of all, it doesn't bother me an ounce.

Kevin Palmieri

Don't worry about that. Okay, well, it bothers me a little bit.

Alan Lazaros

Okay next, so you're going to drink alcohol every night, then, with nyquil, no different than any other night next.

Kevin Palmieri

I'm just kidding. I don't drink every night, I know, but I know it's like a very small amount is tolerance.

Alan Lazaros

It's what we talked about recently I don't know if it was this episode of the episode before I was reviewing the show. The tiktok thing, dopamine yeah it's. You get a tolerance. So it's just like why I shouldn't drink caffeine all day. Every day. You just gain too much of a tolerance and then it just gets really bad for you.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, you haven't sold me, so I will test my own limits. Thank you, no, I'm kidding. I was talking to Taryn about that. I was like what are your thoughts on me just drinking NyQuil every night before bed? She's like I think that is wildly terrible.

Alan Lazaros

It's known on the streets as robo-tripping.

Kevin Palmieri

It's bad for you. Robo-tripping Is that what happens when you just take it and stay awake?

Alan Lazaros

Yes, it makes you dumber. It lowers your IQ. One of the reasons I think I used to drink alcohol is I think it made me dumber. It shut down my brain. It shuts down the prefrontal cortex.

Kevin Palmieri

Real quick. I was reading a book.

Alan Lazaros

I know I know I'm reading a lot because I can't sleep.

Kevin Palmieri

59 sleep score what is the deal, nyquil?

Alan Lazaros

nyquil, this episode brought to you by knock off nyquil, next level. Nyquil, we're kidding. There's a book called brainwash and it's not what you think. It's brainwash, as in clean your brain like it's. It's not being brainwashed, it's a neuroscience book and it's emilia's and I jacked it last night to try to read, try to fall asleep, trying to find the most boring book I could to fall asleep, nodding off.

Alan Lazaros

But it was talking about sleep and the prefrontal cortex and how, when you get poor sleep, the prefrontal everyone think of it this way the less resourceful your state is physical, mental, emotional, spiritual state. So let's say you get bad sleep, you didn't eat well, you ate pizza the night before you drank. I mean, imagine the worst state you can picture. Basically, the prefrontal cortex is the first thing to shut off. So I've often found it fascinating that you can be blackout, drunk and still function. You're not functioning well, but you can still move around, talk to people. It's like wait, we had a conversation, what are we talking about? And what happens is when the body has a ton of alcohol, it's trying to flush the system. It doesn't download short-term memory into long-term memory, which normally happens when we sleep. That's why we dream, one of the reasons we dream Again neuroscience stuff.

Alan Lazaros

My point of this whole thing is prefrontal cortex is your long-term decision making. It's your rational brain. It's the part of you that loves your partner and wants to be monogamous and wants to be wonderful and wants to take out the trash and wants to basically be a fucking boy scout, I'm kidding. It's the part of you that wants to be wonderful and virtuous when that is shut down, when that's shut off. It's basic primal instincts. It's it's eat, sleep, sex, it's it's just survival. And so for everyone out there watching or listening little side tangent here- this is a large ass.

Kevin Palmieri

I'm going to need you to dial it in here quickly I'm going to.

Alan Lazaros

One thing that this show will help you do is create habits, and this is my focus for 2025. I want to create habits that allow me to stay in my prefrontal cortex, because it is essentially the body's last resource. It doesn't want to use it. It's like a computer it takes up the most electricity, so it doesn't want to use it. You won't use your prefrontal cortex unless you absolutely have to, because calorically, it is the most calorically dense per body mass.

Alan Lazaros

I will never get whatever amount of time we just spent going through that back if you nyquil too much, your prefrontal cortex will be worse and therefore your life will be worse.

Kevin Palmieri

But my sleep will be better. I'm I remain unswayed. No, I'm very much. I'm very much kidding. I'm the type I don't like taking advil. I don't like taking aspirin. I very, very, very rarely ever take medication just because I don't. I think the headache will go away if I drink enough water and I roll out my neck. If it's not the root cause, I want to figure out what the root cause is, but I have been a little under the weather for the last two days and I've been trying to be proactive with that.

Alan Lazaros

So what's the root cause of this episode?

Leaving people behind

Kevin Palmieri

The root cause of this episode is you and I did another episode where we said something and we're like whoa, that would make for a really good episode. And then the team heard that and they said they would. Members of the team heard that and they said we're super excited for that episode. So Alan and I are very much the opposite If you have not learned that from listening to us and we are the opposite in this. We have had relationships with people in the past where very early on, I would say, alan, I, I don't, I don't really want to see this person anymore. I think I've learned all there is to learn and I didn't say it that way, but it was like I don't really. Yeah, I don't think it's for us, oh, yeah, yeah and alan would say well, kev, there's so much.

Kevin Palmieri

I mean, there's so many more lessons. This person has a lot of wisdom. We should hang out here for longer. And it always became a question after when that relationship maybe did end or we went in different directions. Did we leave too quick or did we stay too long? And I'll let you speak to that, because I think we stayed too long every time.

Alan Lazaros

I think I was usually more accurate, but how would you?

Kevin Palmieri

know, you don't really know long. Every time I think I was, I was, yeah, I was usually more accurate. But how would you know? We don't really know at the time.

Alan Lazaros

I think if it was entirely up to you, you would have left too quick. If it was entirely up to me, we would have never left, potentially and this all comes down to court wounds and are you more afraid of being alone or are you more afraid of not being successful? And again, those are two fears that are driving most of us, and some of us are afraid of failure. Some of us are afraid of success. The people who are afraid of success are afraid that if they grow, they're going to outgrow people. So the question here and, by the way, I need to take a second to do this I was wrong and I need to own that, because accurate thinking is really important to me the Lamborghini thing, the thing that I looked up on ChatGPT on the last episode and for those of you who didn't listen, it's a really strong episode. Minus the fact that I was wrong about something, the bet Kevin and I made live for 10 bucks, which we didn't make a bet, but it is what it is.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, it's convenient. You say that now, after you were false.

Alan Lazaros

I wasn't going to, even when I thought I was right, I wasn't going to go into the business bank account and take 10 bucks out. Okay, so it was apparently Bentley. And the average age for Lamborghini is 47.9 years, which means it's more like 60-40 if you do the math. So it's 60-40 instead of 80-20. Kevin was right and I was wrong.

Kevin Palmieri

Bentley is an older person's car, so it makes sense.

Alan Lazaros

I didn't know cars man.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, I mean, I got you on that one. I did drag us into that.

Alan Lazaros

Now real quick one last caveat on that, for those of you interested. And I said this to Kev yesterday Because he texted me, which I think is really funny. He said what did you say? And I said this to kev yesterday because he texted me, which I think is really funny. He said what did you say?

Kevin Palmieri

this was two minutes after we got off like literally two minutes after, because alan sent me it in whatsapp that's bentley, you dingo.

Alan Lazaros

And I said, and I quote, for any kids watching earmuffs, oh fuck, dot dot dot. He said, haha, bentley is an old man's car. I said, oh no, I jeffed us, this is my lack of car knowledge, lol. So, anyways, the amount of people for lamborghini 60, 40 over the age of 45, but but how many of the people under 45 are using their own money and not generational wealth?

Kevin Palmieri

Ah, see, that's a yeah. It's also really hard to get those numbers. Yeah, you can. You know it's like how would you really ever get the numbers? You wouldn't. Chatgpt does a good job of trying. Okay, what is your perspective on what we're talking about today?

Alan Lazaros

So I think all of us struggle more with either leaving people behind, setting and honoring clear boundaries, blocking people who maybe are not serving you, saying goodbye, whatever it is, and other people struggle to get around people that are really good for them. I had one client who I was late to a few meetings. He was coaching me Best coach I've ever had and I was late by two or three minutes. I was in the gym and fitness was my top priority at that time. He said, dude, I need you to be on time. And then I wasn't the next time. And he said, dude, I can't, I'm out, I can't do this. And we had a good run too.

Alan Lazaros

He, everything that he taught me ended up being more right than I thought, and everything everyone else taught me ended up being a little more, not everything I'm being I'm exaggerating but ended up being more wrong than I thought, and that's the sign of a great mentor, in my opinion. This is my opinion. As you get older and learn more and more and more and you get more understanding of self, others in the world, you realize, okay, so, emilia, she's more accurate every, almost every time. She's always right. I always say that she's always right. She's not actually literally always right, but she's always eventually right in, in other words, the advice that she gives as I get older and older and older and wiser and wiser and wiser it's oh so that person had no idea what they were talking about and Amelia actually knew, interesting, and eventually there's this cycle. So there are certain people out there that are not serving you. That's a fact.

Alan Lazaros

I did this earlier on our Next Level Certified Coaching Program. I said every one of us needs to identify a person in our life that is just not serving your true potential, it's not serving your mission, it's not serving your goals. It's not serving your mission. It's not serving your goals, it's not serving your dreams. It's just a drain on your time, your effort, your money, whatever. Maybe it's someone who's toxic, maybe it's someone who's not even toxic. They're just not really adding any value.

Alan Lazaros

And I said, okay, by the next session we need to set some sort of a boundary. It can be blocking them, it can be sending them an audio, it can be whatever sort of a boundary. It can be blocking them, it can be sending them an audio, it can be whatever. So that for me is much harder Getting around an Alex, my coach that I was referring to really incredible mentors that are very successful and know what they're doing in certain regards and are ahead of us Getting around people that are peak performers. I always felt like it was pretty easy for me. It was the outgrowing and or leaving people or setting boundaries that was hard for me.

Kevin Palmieri

Do you, would you surmise I think that's a word, the word that I want to use that people on my end that deal with maybe similar things to me are really good at recognizing I don't want to say recognizing the truth of people, because obviously people can evolve and change and people on your end struggle to see the truth of people. Yes, absolutely. I think that's one of the reasons it's so easy for me to move on.

Alan Lazaros

You've always been more accurate. No, you've been more accurate with people than I ever could have imagined, especially people with your core wound, which makes perfect sense. Yeah, and I've been more accurate with with the mentors pretty much yeah, not all of them, but most of them. So you on your end, what's it like trying to get mentors and coaches? You on your end, what's it like trying to get mentors and?

Kevin Palmieri

coaches. It's now. It's different, obviously right, but it definitely in the beginning it seemed impossible Because I don't feel valuable. So if I don't feel valuable, how am I ever going to connect myself to somebody who wants to help that it's hard to imagine that somebody would just go out of their way to help me win. And the difference between a coach and a mentor in this conversation is coaches you pay, at least. I mean, that's probably the best way to explain it for us and mentors just believe in you and they believe in the mission and they want to just add value and help you. And or maybe they see where you're going and they want to attach themselves in some way, shape or form. I don't think that's a bad thing, necessarily, but most of our mentors we had we never paid a dollar for.

Alan Lazaros

I don't think any of them.

Kevin Palmieri

I don't think we ever paid anything for any of the people that mentored us, which I don't. Here's the truth of the matter. I wasn't capable of making that happen in the beginning.

Alan Lazaros

There's no way.

Kevin Palmieri

I didn't have what I didn't have what they were looking for.

Alan Lazaros

What were they looking for? The last episode was the three things. It was self-belief, it was your circle and it was resources slash resourcefulness, and that's how this whole thing came up. This is your circle. So, in my opinion, remember, we taught the five buckets. The first bucket is people from this. Do you want to go through?

Kevin Palmieri

them. One is uh, we have nostalgia, which are people from your past that you very rarely see, like we're talking maybe family reunions, birthdays, holidays that's nostalgia. So these are people that you spend time with to get nostalgia, Maintenance. Maintenance are people that you put in enough effort to make sure the relationship stays alive, but you're not overpouring or you shouldn't be. I won't say you're not, but you shouldn't be based on your goals. And then you have mentees. These are people that you are leading right. The life that you've created is the life that they desire to create. Then you have the growth bucket, which is people who are on a similar mission to you. So when we were mastermind with people, they would be in a growth bucket with us, because we all want to grow and contribute and add value together. And then the wisdom bucket. These are the people that are 10, 15, 20 years ahead of you. These are the people that their life, that they are living right now, is like your dream life. And if you can get a lot of people in the wisdom bucket, you can kind of speed up the process, at least from an awareness standpoint. But so okay for me. In the beginning I went from having a lot of nostalgia and a lot of maintenance to getting rid of almost all the nostalgia and getting rid of like pretty much all the maintenance and then just diving headfirst into growth wisdom and then eventually I was able to actually teach people stuff. In the beginning it obviously doesn't work that way because I didn't really have any value to bring Then eventually, now there's a lot of people in my mentee bucket when it comes to podcasting and speaking and that type of stuff, but I don't really have. There are some people in the maintenance bucket, but it's not like it was in the beginning for sure.

Kevin Palmieri

Next Level Nation what is happening? If you've thought to yourself, I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes, and we would love to see you there.

Alan Lazaros

And these buckets evolve as you do. So we had certain people that were in and this was really hard for us. For me, I don't think it was hard, for you Not nearly, as we would have people in our growth bucket that were peers and we would, without a question. This is, we would outgrow them and I don't want to come off negative with that, but it's just very. We raised our awareness, our understanding, our work ethic. I think in hindsight, humility and I never considered myself super humble, but the work ethic piece, the grit piece, the consistency piece, the commitment to constantly, a never-ending improvement, was just higher. So the growth rate was higher.

Alan Lazaros

You and I grew very quickly in hindsight, like we transformed rapidly compared to the statistical norm, and we were in the growth bucket masterminding with a lot of different people and I, I remember slowly feeling like this is not aligned anymore. You felt that way more than I did, but eventually it was I can't be a peer with this person anymore. I remember when I first started coaching and I started getting more clients and you know it was 10 clients, then it was 15. It was 12. And then it was 17. And eventually it's like I'm hanging out with this person and they're so. They don't know that I know more than them, and that's okay. But I'm spending a lot of time here and I'm not getting a lot out of this anymore. When it comes to growth and goals and this is one of the things is, in every relationship you're getting something. Are you getting what you value most and are you getting what you need to achieve your goals? And I think that they're reached a point where I can't stay in the growth bucket with these people. We're not peers anymore. Like, can you think of someone? Just hypothetically, you don't have to give a name, call them John Doe or Jane Doe.

Alan Lazaros

Think of someone from the past that you could never be a peer with again, that you could never be a peer with again, where if you were to hang out, it would just be I can't just hang out because there's no. There's no mutual learning here, there's no mutual growth here. There's no. Of course, it would be detrimental to our business if you were to go, isn't that? It's so hard to explain. I don't know if I'm even doing a good job of it. I think it's arrogant to think that you can do that and still run a successful business. I definitely, in hindsight, if I could go back and talk to my younger self, I'd say, alan, you love these people, but you can't win in business and stay here. That's impossible. That's mathematically impossible. I don't know if people I didn't realize that I believed that I could bring people with me. That was so fucking naive dude.

Kevin Palmieri

But that's directly connected to your core wound and the way you evolved. On my end it was the complete opposite. I didn't think I was going to make it, never mind trying to bring people with me, you know. So I think it. I think my end's probably more common, if I had to guess, than yours, but I think it's just fear of success and fear of failure. Fear of success you hear people say all the time it's lonely at the top. The bottom's just as lonely, though it's just, yeah, there's people there, but it's just as lonely if you really want something great, it's just lonely in a different way.

Alan Lazaros

Go deeper on that, because that doesn't land at all for me.

Kevin Palmieri

People say that it's lonely at the top, and I think what they're trying to say is there's less people there.

Alan Lazaros

It's lonely internally. It's not lonely geographically.

Kevin Palmieri

Is that the right?

Alan Lazaros

termically uh, your proximity. Wise people are around you all the time, like how could someone? Yeah, how could someone like I don't want to use anyone else. Okay, the more successful and aware and mature I become, the the more lonely it is, intellectually and emotionally, but it's not lonely like yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I can be around people. If I want to be around people, let me use one of my clients as an example. Real quick, all right, uh, who's a client that? I'm thinking of that okay yeah okay.

Alan Lazaros

this person's grown a ton, been coaching him for two, three, three plus years now, growing a ton, rapidly, killing it, crushing it. Metrics, habits, goals, boom. He's less lonely when it comes to the people on his core team, but he's way more lonely at barbecues. But he's at a barbecue with a ton of people. He has a family, he's got two kids. He's not lonely in proximity, he's lonely in intellectualness. I don't think he's lonely emotionally either. His wife seems wonderful. But he's lonely intellectually because no one else can talk about. Who else wants a net worth of $75 million and actually means it Like? Who else is he going to strategize about that with right? I mean just even the statistics. What's the 1% of 1% of 1% or whatever? So when someone says it's lonely at the top, they don't mean it's actually lonely. It's not lonely at all geographically. It it's lonely at the top, they don't mean it's actually lonely, it's not lonely at all geographically.

Kevin Palmieri

It's lonely intellectually. Well, I think the bottom is just as lonely, in terms of maybe same thing. If you're somebody who's super ambitious and you hang out with a bunch of people who aren't ambitious, that's lonely as shit. You get time and you get there's bodies around and there's attention around, but it doesn't necessarily mean you don't feel alone. I think that's something that happens all the time. How many people have you talked to where they'll say something like I could be in a room with 50 people and I still feel alone. I think that's so common, because if you don't feel like, you connect with those people. Because if you don't feel like you connect with those people.

Alan Lazaros

But, statistically speaking, when you Again, lonely at the top, lonely at the bottom, at the bottom, there's more individuals, statistically speaking.

Alan Lazaros

Let's just use sports as a metaphor here, because I don't want this to come off bad. Sports would be a metaphor. So there's more people that play football than are in the NFL. So NFL players are statistically more lonely. There's less people that can relate to their challenges. Olympic athlete. I'm watching a book. Watching a book. I'm watching a tv, a movie wow, a movie called race. Have you ever seen that on netflix? It's based in 1936, berlin. I love period pieces, I do, and it's the fastest man in the world at that time. But it was a very hectic time pre-world war ii, where hitler was on the come up and, like berlin, olympics was being banned by the us because of all the atrocities and it, but they still went anyway.

Alan Lazaros

And it's it's based on a true story. It's super fucking inspiring. Uh, just the unbelievable adversity that this person went through and hitler like wouldn't shake his hand because he's black, and all this terrible shit. But uh, the movie's really powerful, it's really good, it's well done. However, uh, the point of this where was I going with that? Oh okay, he's winning olympic gold three, three olympic gold medals based on a true story. This dude won three olympic gold medals in running and in a stadium with 120 000 people and the entire world watching. Like, how many other people can relate to that experience? 50 others, or?

Kevin Palmieri

whatever very few what he, what?

Alan Lazaros

that is lonely at the top, that's what we mean. So at the but at the bottom there's a lot of people who run, so but not like that, that person before they were on the podium.

Kevin Palmieri

They were the same person, just less evolved and less skilled maybe, and they had less, but they were the same person with the same ambitions. I don't think they felt understood from probably most.

Kevin Palmieri

You're saying it's lonely at the bottom I think it's lonely everywhere when you're different. Oh, when you're different, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, if you're listening to, if you're listening to a podcast about philosophy and self-improvement, it's probably hard to find someone at a cookout to have a deep conversation with, potentially, potentially, so I think that's one of those people do you think are into self-improvement and philosophy?

Kevin Palmieri

if If we're talking really into it, because, again, there's some people that are into, there's some people that are into rock, and then there's some people that are like that's all they listen to, and there's some people that that's all they listen to and they have posters on their walls. I mean, there's levels to it right, and then there's people who go to the concerts.

Alan Lazaros

They have posters on their walls. I mean there's levels to it, right. And then there's people who go to the concerts. There's people that go to the concerts. And then there's people that get front row seats, and then there's people that get backstage passes.

Kevin Palmieri

There's people that make a tribute band to their favorite rock band. It's like there's levels and levels and levels and levels.

Kevin Palmieri

It's a very small percentage of people that are really, really, really obsessed with it for sure. Yeah, obsessed with it for sure, yeah, for sure. So it's, it's. I think it's this weird thing where maybe we make this agreement in our minds where what I and again I know I sound extremely cold when I'm talking about this I don't mean it that way. I love all the people that I don't spend time with anymore, that I used to. I still have deep love for them. I look them up all the time. I I think about them all the time. It's not that I have to make sure I'm successful. That is my job.

Alan Lazaros

And that is something that Take care of you and your family, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

And I didn't even think I was going to be able to do that. So if I think the ship is sinking, I got to do my best to make sure that there's nothing on that ship that's gonna bring me down too. It's not my responsibility to save other people. I don't believe it is. It's my responsibility to save myself, because if I don't save myself, I can't save shit. It's the oxygen mask thing Again. If I was on a plane and the oxygen masks came down, I would have a fucking anxiety attack. So I wouldn't be saving anybody. But you can't think. The first thing I would want to do is run up and find the kid.

Alan Lazaros

Of course, you'd want to do that, but then you die yes. Now you have much more self-belief than you used to. The more self-belief you have, do you feel more responsibility to take care of more than just yourself.

Kevin Palmieri

Yes and no. The team I feel a very heavy responsibility for the team. Right, there are people on the team relying upon us to to feed their families, like I feel a very, very. But I guess I'm at the point where I understand, are you?

Alan Lazaros

consciously deciding what level of responsibility you take for yes, yes, yes.

Kevin Palmieri

I can't.

Alan Lazaros

I wonder if, unconsciously, I didn't do that well enough.

Kevin Palmieri

I can't take. I need to take responsibility for, if anything, I need to take more responsibility for me. I need to take more responsibility for me. Right like I'm, this is hard as shit.

Alan Lazaros

This is super hard. Well, as you've gained belief, you can spread your responsibility outward.

Kevin Palmieri

I think, but as I've gained belief, I've set bigger goals but those goals are contribution goals a lot of them. Well, yeah, but I think, at the end of the day, the understanding that I need to have is I have to and again this is going to sound selfish I have to be the most, I have to give myself the most attention, because if I don't give myself the most attention, I can't give, if I only give myself 60%, how much am I going to be able to give to Taryn?

Alan Lazaros

So, in hindsight, I think people who are fearful of success on some unconscious level I'm including myself in this you're taking responsibility for more than just yourself.

Kevin Palmieri

Can I add real quick to that I think you're taking responsibility for more than just yourself, because if people come up with you, you're still quote-unquote successful because you have people around you. So it's almost like you think you have to take responsibility in order for people to come with you that wouldn't come with you normally, because they wouldn't come with you normally unless you drag them with you. So in a way it is kind of your responsibility if you want them there in the future yeah, even if they don't belong, sorry.

Alan Lazaros

I remember when my stepdad left, I took responsibility for keeping the house and the family, for example it's just kind of a high level thing and I think I took responsibility for being the man of the house, whatever that meant at the time. And none of this was conscious, I would say. Some of it was conscious, some of it was conscious. I remember thinking we are fucked, we're fucked, absolutely fucked. Like what the what are we gonna do? You know yeah, I don't usually share that, but it was definitely devastating like what the fuck are we gonna do? I can't even go to college. You know how am I gonna go to college? Like, and then you just kind of, okay, I'll just figure it out, and then you just take responsibility and do it, and then you do it. And none of that was like super conscious, I don't think. I think it was just kind of okay, well, no one's coming to save me, so I have to do this. And what does this mean? Okay, straight A's, blah, blah, blah.

Alan Lazaros

I remember when I was young, I wanted to change the world, and I still do and I still intend on it. But I think what that really means is I'm going to take responsibility for the world being better. I personally am responsible for the world getting better. I feel that way very deeply. I'm more responsible for me getting better than I am for making sure the world gets better. But it's almost like you. I always say this build the self, build the family, build the business. I say that all the time.

Alan Lazaros

Now my 30s are about building, but I've wanted to change the world since I was a kid. I say that all the time. Now, in my thirties, are about building, but I've wanted to change the world since I was a kid. I don't know where the hell that comes from and I don't mean it on some like I want to say it because it's cool level, if anything. I'd rather hide it, to be completely honest, because I'm more normal then. But I've always had this knowing that I'm supposed to change the world. That sounds so fucking weird, but I just knew that. So so I'm taking responsibility for the world being a better place. We have it on our fireplace be the change you wish to see in the world.

Alan Lazaros

So build the self, build the business. Uh, build the self, build the family, build the business. So right now it's build the self, build the family which is emilia, our pets, our future children, her mom and dad, sister and brother, and my mother and that mother, and that's the core fam, and then beyond that, and then the team. So the business build the business. That's the team, that's you, christina, chief officers, directors, team extended team, patriots, freelancers, and then the clients, and then the group coaching and then the community. We are taking responsibility for the well-being of way more than just ourselves, and I think that that's a good thing. I think it's a it comes with a bad thing if you don't know how to set this, these boundaries up well, okay, I think the difference is and I appreciate the, the expansion.

Kevin Palmieri

I think the difference is I stopped trying to bring people on who just didn't want to come.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, that I need to do.

Kevin Palmieri

That.

Alan Lazaros

I've done.

Kevin Palmieri

I've done that pretty well. Yeah, I think that's where it gets, because, again, if you're a podcaster, how do you know they don't want to?

Alan Lazaros

come. That's the thing. Everyone acts like they want to come.

Kevin Palmieri

I compare it to people that have actually Actually want to come?

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, I don't know Is. Is it based on actions? How do you size that up? Everyone acts like they want to change the world. Dude, seriously, they do with you. Well, that makes it very hard to understand.

Alan Lazaros

And I think it's getting more clear. Quite frankly, it's a commitment to I realize that my relationship with someone will be great to the extent they want to reach their own unique potential. That's what I've come to and I think that's who I am and what I am and who I aspire to be and all that stuff. But anyways, go ahead. What were you going to say?

Kevin Palmieri

I think action is a big thing. I think humility is a big thing. It's almost like you give somebody a certain amount of chances. I would much rather pour into a podcaster that has no idea what they're doing, that wants to have a positive impact on the world, than somebody I went to high school with just because we went to high school together. That and I don't value the same stuff necessarily that I used to value. I don't value going out and partying. So if that was the thing that we built our friendship on, that doesn't exist for me anymore. And if that's all we have, I'm going to pour into somebody that values self-improvement, because that's more fulfilling for me anyway and I can actually be myself. I'm a very I've always been a very big proponent of. If it's not sustainable, I think it's worth exploring whether or not it deserves to live at all in terms of a friendship relationship.

Alan Lazaros

So I have a coaching call so we got to jump, but for a practical tip from me and then from Kev's side, two different ends. If you're on my end and you struggle to set boundaries and you struggle to let people go for lack of better phrasing then you need to find someone in your life, in your consciousness, where first names only in your head and you need to let. You need to let go of all responsibility and just good luck, take care, it's been real. Set a boundary, send a message, block them, whatever your prerogative. You don't have to necessarily explain yourself.

Kevin Palmieri

It's up to you and whatever kev's tip is for his side mine would be really sit with the fact that it sit with what matters most to you. Would you rather be lonely and making progress? And I'm not saying it has to be. These are the only two options. But just for this episode, Would you rather be lonely and making progress or surrounded by people and feeling stuck?

Alan Lazaros

If it's the second one, you've got to take a shot.

Kevin Palmieri

Brutal, you've got to take a shot. You've got to take a shot and you've got to start leaning in.

Alan Lazaros

They're both pretty brutal, they are, but one of them is worse, and it's the second one.

Kevin Palmieri

I think one of them has a brighter light at the end of the tunnel. That's what I would say and, again, my tactical thing, my advice would be all of this is easier said than done.

Outro

Kevin Palmieri

Of course, all of this and it's easier now than it was five years ago, and it was easier five years ago than it was 10 years ago. And all that happy jazz, deep one today, all right. Next, elvin Nation, a group of amazing people like you who want to grow and they want to get to the next level. They want to have deep philosophical conversations about life, all that stuff. Alan has coaching spots available. We'll have the link in the show notes for a free 30-minute breakthrough session with Alan. It's for a free 30-minute breakthrough session with Alan. It's not a sales call. He's going to add value, help you with habits, all that stuff. And Dreamliners are on Amazon. Ours are on their way. I'm super excited because I miss them. That's that. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. And at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We'll.

Alan Lazaros

Stay Next Level, next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host