Next Level University

How To Make Receiving Truth Suck Less (1966)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In this episode of Next Level University, Kevin and Alan explain why some people resist feedback while others use it to fuel their success. They explore the difference between dreams, goals, and fantasies, why many unknowingly sabotage themselves, and how to tell if you’re genuinely committed or just hoping for an easy way out.

Learn more about:
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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:22) Why receiving hard truths is difficult but necessary
(4:01) Alan’s challenges in giving honest feedback
(9:01) Why Kevin never "shoots the messenger."
(14:23) Do you really want success or just to feel right?
(24:52) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(26:55) The myth of manifestation without action
(32:35) The difference between doing something to win Vs. Doing it for a "flex."
(39:08) Commitment levels: Dream, goal, or fantasy?
(45:36) Why the truth always reveals itself over time
(48:50) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Kevin Palmieri

I want you to believe in whatever it is you believe in, as long as it's helping you and as long as it's constructive and as long as it's good for people. But when you put the responsibility in the hands of something beyond yourself, you also can put the excuses in the hands of something beyond yourself, and that's why, for me, if I don't accomplish my dreams, it's my fault. It's not the universe's fault. It's my fault. It's Kevin's fault, because Kevin didn't do what it took.

Alan Lazaros

You kind of realize that everyone wants a mansion on the beach. Almost no one gets one, unless there's a lot of generational wealth or you're as committed as what Kevin's talking about. If you want to win at level 10, you're going to need level 10 commitment. If you want to win at level 8, you only need level 8 commitment. You and I are not nearly in as good a shape as we were back in the fitness competitive days. You want to know why we're more committed to growing the business than we are to our physique.

Kevin Palmieri

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. Welcome to Next Level.

Kevin Palmieri

University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. I still have a long-sleeve shirt on because we are recording episodes back-to-back Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. I still have a long-sleeve shirt on because we are recording episodes back-to-back. I know you probably don't care, but if there's one of you that's invested in my journey, I appreciate it. Today, for episode number 1,966, how to make receiving truth suck less. So I interviewed Alan and asked all about productivity and he said dude, you basically have no skills. And I was like yeah, I know, I know it sucks. What could I talk to you about? And I was like well, the ultimate cat, dad, that would be one. Choking you unconscious with my legs would be.

Why receiving hard truths is difficult but necessary

Alan Lazaros

We could do another episode maybe an episode on that, and then we landed on. I did not say that, no, no, none of that happened.

Kevin Palmieri

But we landed on this Because evidently I'm pretty okay at receiving difficult truth, as I have done that for many years at this point working with Alan, and yeah, I think that's something that all of us could, including myself. I will continue to find benefit in and continue to get better at that. But we thought it would make for a good episode because, honestly, receiving difficult truth kind of sucks and it makes you question a lot of shit about yourself and is this other person terrible, and all that stuff. So we'll get into it. The floor is yours, sir.

Alan Lazaros

Thank you, brother, you're very welcome.

Alan Lazaros

To set the stage for this episode, as if Kevin didn't just do that he did, but recently that he did. But recently I came across a very vulnerable, a little bit heartbreaking understanding about why I've had so many challenges in relationships in my life, not just intimate relationships, but just relationships in general and the pattern goes a little something like this high level Someone comes into my life and I'm very obsessed with goals and dreams, big fan. My whole world revolves around goals and dreams and helping people achieve their goals and dreams and reach their potential. That's I'm very proud of that. But this has come with a very challenge, challenging thing with it. So here's the challenging thing. So someone comes into my world, talks about goals and dreams, and I want to help them reach their potential. That's my calling, that's my purpose. So they tell me hey, this is my goal, this is my dream. And I tell them the hard truths that I believe are necessary for them to actually achieve those things.

Alan Lazaros

And sometimes, if you've ever heard of don't shoot the messenger, sometimes people shoot the messenger and I realize in hindsight that there were a lot of times in my life where I tried to help someone by sharing a uncomfortable truth that ended up very upset with me when, in reality, I was actually really just trying to help them achieve what they've told me they want to achieve.

Alan Lazaros

And that's why I love coaching, because when you pay me as your coach, I open the coaching session the very first one with my job is to help you reach your external success, your goals and dreams, and internal fulfillment and your feelings are third on that list.

Alan Lazaros

So please do not coach with me unless you are allowing me in advance to share things with you that will be uncomfortable, unless you are allowing me in advance to share things with you that will be uncomfortable. And please do not attack me. And if you are triggered, that's okay, let's sit in it and talk about it and just know that I'm trying to help, okay, so I've had to give Kev a lot of challenging truths, because Kev has told me from eight years ago, when we first started working together and he was on my podcast, my YouTube channel, youtube channel he, I was on his podcast and we podcast. We teamed up and he has been telling me his goals and dreams for eight years and they've evolved as he's evolved. Okay, what I want to interview kev about is how is it that in the past people have shot the messenger, thrown stingers my way or villainized me or poisoned people against me or whatever it is, and how is it that you have accepted said truths without villainizing me?

Kevin Palmieri

So I told Alan. I said you're going to have to push me in this episode because I'll give an answer that I think is an answer, because it's just my truth, and then if we have to dig, we'll dig more One. I actually believe you have a better answer than I do. So I don't believe you're telling me just to hurt me. I feel like you're telling me based on what the goal is, and I think you have a better idea of how to reverse engineer the goal and I do. That's one. How do you know that? I mean, it's just been enough time proof. How did you know in the beginning? I didn't. I knew you knew more than I did. I didn't know anything. So I was like, safe to say, I mean, you had already accomplished more than I had and you had left a job. You kind of had the blueprint for the life that I wanted to live. Did you have the results I wanted? I did. I found out later no, but it it didn't really you weren't balling like I thought you were.

Kevin Palmieri

You were, you had a lot of money in the bank, but then you burned through that shit quickly. I mean Chipotle adds up.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, it wasn't that quick, quick, two-click, 150 grand went in a couple years. Yeah, a couple years.

Kevin Palmieri

I mean.

Alan Lazaros

I bought a lot of courses, a lot of books. That's true. Yeah, a lot of books.

Kevin Palmieri

I genuinely thought like you wanted what was best for me. And how did you know that you were just so excited about growth? It was clear you were just so excited about seeing people grow. It was like I don't mean this in a talking down to you way, but it was like cute, like how much you enjoyed seeing people grow, like how much it ignited you how excited you got makes sense.

Alan Lazaros

I was naive as shit. Well, you were, yeah, you were. So I think it's a.

Kevin Palmieri

It was a mixture of all that and I just I don't. I think at the end of the day, I really want what I say. I want. I'm not just saying it, I'm not just saying it to sound cool. I would say better stuff. If I wanted to sound cool, I would say like, yeah, I want to make a million dollars an hour and do no work. That's what I aspire to. You think that sounds cool? I think it sounds cool as shit, really.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, that sounds dumb as hell $24 million a day doing nothing Sounds awesome. Playing video games.

Alan Lazaros

Sleeping.

Kevin Palmieri

Am I the only one who thinks that sounds really dumb? I think there's a difference between dumb and attractive. It sounds dumb because it just doesn't work that way, but it sounds very attractive, is what I would say.

Alan Lazaros

Okay, so you didn't shoot the messenger you accepted said hard truths, which has repeatedly surprised me. Go ahead, I shoot the messenger. You accepted said hard truths Also, which has repeatedly surprised me, go ahead.

Kevin Palmieri

I called the messenger, so it's not like the messenger just showed up. I asked for the messenger, so why? I don't really feel like I get to. I don't feel like I get to shoot the messenger when I'm the one who asked the messenger to be there in the first place. It's like going to the doctor and saying like, hey, my knee's been bothering me. I really I feel like I need a, I need somebody to look at it. It's like, well, you know, your knee is shot to shit. It's I mean, it is shot to shit and then being like how dare you for my coaching?

Alan Lazaros

how dare?

Kevin Palmieri

you say that. To me it's like well, that's what you came here for, right. You came here for a diagnosis, you came here so we can fix this together.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri

Sometimes fixing it starts by going backwards from a perception that is not real.

Alan Lazaros

Okay, why don't other people realize that as much as you? And I know this is hard because, just to let everyone in listeners, anyone watching Kev doesn't like to build himself up above others and like to build himself up above others, and I appreciate that about you, I do, but the truth is, is this is rare. About you, I mean seriously, trust me. I mean, of all the people that have shot the messenger, you're one of the few who have never done that well, I don't know if I've never done it, I've just never.

Kevin Palmieri

I've had the. I mean I've had the gun pointed, I just never pulled the trigger. I've shot it off into the sky, like behind the scenes, many times today again, it's not. It's not a big deal, but like alan was a little bit late for today's meeting, like there was a piece of me today that was like fuck this guy.

Alan Lazaros

Oh yeah, 100 didn't even text me.

Kevin Palmieri

I thought he got abducted or something should have, should have again, that's not. That's not what we're talking about. Well, I appreciate it.

Alan Lazaros

I was grateful you weren't pissed, honestly, no, no, it's all good I was in it. I've been in it this week. We got stuff going on.

Kevin Palmieri

You and I have worked together long enough. I know you're not just twiddling your thumbs. What was the question again?

Alan Lazaros

Okay, you had said I'm not going to blame the doctor for the diagnosis and I love the word diagnosis, because when you tell me you want to achieve a certain goal let's say someone wants to achieve x, I am. It's my job to identify the y and the z that needs to shift in order to achieve x. That's what a coach does. Okay, I've had a fitness coach who said dude, you're too fat, you're gonna lose, like you need to dial this in. And then he won the show. Great that. That well, isn't that person mean for saying you're not lean enough? No, they're doing their fucking job.

Kevin Palmieri

I would say the opposite yeah, exactly, is that, is that mean? Or is it mean for somebody to take my money and then give me terrible advice so I get stomped on stage? I think, think that's mean Exactly.

Alan Lazaros

Okay. So what makes you different in that? Because a lot of people don't like the diagnosis, because the diagnosis might be really bad. It might be. Oh, you really have to leave that toxic partner.

Alan Lazaros

I had one client once Her partner was the most toxic and this is years ago and I said there's no way you're going to achieve she. Had very large goals. She's still pursuing them. So go this person. But I said there's no way you're going to be able to achieve those dreams and be with this person. This person is fucking treating you terribly Terrible.

Alan Lazaros

And I said there's always green, yellow, red. With every partner of the person I coach, there's green, yellow, red and yours is red. It's that you can't. And trust me, I've been there, I'm not judging. I had to leave my past partner for sure. There's no way I would have achieved my goals and dreams with that person. No chance, not. Three months later, that person blew up, screamed in her daughter's face some of the worst things you can imagine and she ended up leaving him and it was a whole thing. But and that's happened several times I did this with another client and a hammer was thrown at her head not two days later. So these toxic people don't want you to know that they're toxic, toxic, and I am the one diagnosing the toxicity as an objective outsider, and usually the messenger or the doctor. When you say, hey, your knee is, I mean it's, it's not good this, you might not walk again if you don't do this right. You never shot the doctor, so to speak.

Kevin Palmieri

What makes you different in that? I think it's the understanding that you don't want to give me the feedback. It's not like you wake up excited to give hard feedback. I think it's that, I don't know. I think it's hard for me to personalize something that you actually don't want to tell me. It gives you no pleasure.

Alan Lazaros

You don't want to do it. How do you know? I don't want to tell you Because other people I mean, I'm trying to figure out what's different- Because it's not from a place of ego, it's from a place of empathy. Why don't other people know that?

Kevin Palmieri

Because they don't actually want what they say they want. So it seems like it's from a place of ego or they think you're incorrect. They don't think you know the answer to it. And again, understandable, like I can understand that In the beginning of this journey you had very little to show that you knew. I mean, you had a really good degree and you were intelligent. You had accomplished a lot in corporate America, but I hitched my train to this with very little proof of concept. Think about it.

Alan Lazaros

Right, so I understand, I'm not making that wrong for people.

Kevin Palmieri

I think it's probably one of those things where what you're saying to me maybe in somebody's head what you're saying to me directly conflicts with everything that I think You're wrong and fuck you. I'm gonna go find someone who believes the same exact thing I do. That reinforces all my beliefs and honestly, I don't even care if I'm successful, because I'll feel right in the process.

Alan Lazaros

Is that conscious or is that unconscious? Do you think they're consciously choosing not to achieve their goals? Because the unfortunate part? I've said this to clients too. I don't even want to say this, and you just mentioned that. Yeah, I'm saying this because I care, Honestly, out of self-preservation, I don't even. I'd rather just not say this. I'd rather just move on with my life.

Kevin Palmieri

I think people like to be right. I think there's a very large subset of humans who would rather be right than successful, and their definition of success, not mine. I don't want to be right, I don't need to be right.

Alan Lazaros

I don't care when? Does that come from? Is that humility?

Kevin Palmieri

Why don't you care about?

Alan Lazaros

being right, I feel like I only care about. Why don't you care about being right, I, I feel like I only care about? We talked about the truth ball that pops out. Kevin and I, we both throw in our perspective and then we hope the truth ball pops out. We don't hope kevin's ball pops out of the little thing. So let me, let me make this make sense. In the lottery, you put a bunch of balls in a thing and then you shake them up power ball or whatever and then boop, oh, 17. Anyone have 17, or whatever Kevin and I are putting in our perspectives. This is what drive to five is. That's what this podcast is. We put in his perspective and we put in my perspective, and then we shake it up and then we see what little truth ball comes out.

Alan Lazaros

I think a lot of people it's a good metaphor want to sign their ball and they want their ball to pop out. I could give a fuck about that. I care about what's accurate. And the reason why is because if you don't know what's accurate, you're not going to achieve your dreams. You can't get to a destination with inaccurate data. It's like a self-driving car with the wrong address or the wrong terrain or the wrong current location you're. It's just going to crash, and so why do you care about the truth ball more than?

Kevin Palmieri

kevin's, because I was. I was quote unquote right for the first 26 years of my life and that got me fuck all. Really what? What is there? What is the point to being right when you're wrong? There is it. Yeah, it serves your ego, but it doesn't serve anything else. I don't. It's not real, it's not productive. Going back to the previous episode, it doesn't get you anywhere. It makes you feel really good for like a minute and then you regret it and then you feel dirty and you know you jeffed, and then you feel shame and you know you jeffed and then you feel shame. So, yeah, it's that. I don't think in my mind I have connected me being right to the only way to be successful. I think there are some things where I'm statistically more right than you.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, for sure way more than I thought. If anything in the beginning I didn't push on those enough you agreed yeah, I actually came to you and that was part of my feedback for kev. Behind the scenes is brother. I need you to really tell me lean into it when you know you got to because you need you know when you know better than I do. But you don't know that you know now.

Kevin Palmieri

Now I do that, it's like I want proof that I'm actually right. I think my natural thing not always, it depends on a lot of situations but my natural thing is I doubt myself and I just it's like well, I don't know. I feel like I might have an answer. I kind of know, but I don't think I know it any better than this person. Now, over time, it's like no, I definitely know. It's just certain things I feel like I know just based on the fact that I predicted them. They happened and now I can kind of figure out why. But yeah, I don't think. For me it's it's there's not a connection between when I have to be right in order to be successful.

Alan Lazaros

If that's the case, then I think that's a very dangerous place to live if you're clinging on anyone out there watching or listening, if you're clinging on to being right, you're not going to be successful, in my opinion, unless you have no humility you need, well, unless you just have the answers to everything which is possible, yeah, which you don't because if you, if you did, you wouldn't be trying to be right. Someone who's always trying to be right can't have the answers to everything. Right, right.

Alan Lazaros

By definition because you're not asking, you're not learning. That's like it really bothers Kev when he sees an interview of someone who's the most successful in their space and the other person can't even let them talk. It's like, wait a minute. This person is so far ahead of you, why aren't you giving them a minute? Right If we were to take all of my knowledge and all of Kevin's knowledge? Mine is more, but that doesn't mean that I can't learn from Kev. I think a lot of people have that too. It's almost like if I ask Kev questions, I somehow am seen as less than him or something Like that still breaks my brain. It's the only reason why I know so much quote unquote is because I ask everybody questions all the time.

Kevin Palmieri

To my own fucking detriment apparently.

Alan Lazaros

Sometimes you shouldn't, but yeah, I definitely need to stop doing that with certain people. But that's how I learn. I love learning from people. I mean, there's, there's. Every human I ever meet knows something I don't, and I'm trying to find what that is. That's why I know as much as I do know and I think that long term, that is a win. Short term term, it's a terrible idea. Be careful. Okay, back to interviewing you. All right, let's say you got a, hypothetically, you got a really challenging truth and if you want to find one that you'd be willing to share on a public medium, maybe it's from me, maybe it's from Taryn, maybe it's from whoever and you realize I am fucked. If I don't face this hard reality, I'll never achieve my goals. If I don't face this hard reality, how did you? Maybe you wanted to ego up, how did you not do?

Kevin Palmieri

that Best example is. I mean you and I having a conversation about how you were afraid you were going to outgrow me in the studio Fucking brutal, oh God brutal. That one was rough, so that it was that Like, hey, kev, I'm afraid I'm going to outgrow you if you continue being Call of Duty Kev, trying to be a professional fucking gamer. I guess I could take a little bit of time off. So that was the feedback.

Alan Lazaros

What did you? Okay? Okay. What did your ego want to do versus what your highest self wanted to do?

Kevin Palmieri

my ego wanted to say why? Why do you get to tell me how to live my life? And then highest self was because that's what you signed up for. Because this is what you signed up for, kev. You signed up to have a business partner who you believe. I can't just take all of the advantages and then pretend that anytime there's a disadvantage it's the end of the world, like I don't think that's real, it's not a real way to live life. Oh, so I can't play as much Call of Duty as I want. Like whatever, kev, you suck anyway, you're just not good at it and it's not relaxing, it's anxiety-provoking. There's layers under that. You'll find a better, more aligned R&R. But yeah, it's that I wanted to ego up and I wanted to say I don't know if I want to be. I think the hard truth is I don't know if I'm capable of being that type of person. I don't know if I'm capable of being a person that just doesn't play video games. I like video games.

Alan Lazaros

Well, it's not just capable, but games, and then it's not just capable, but it's also. You don't know if you even want to, I don't.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, that's right.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, yeah but would you quit video games? And this is a tough thing. I I do get it more than I ever have. I always joked with kev like I don't say I'm gonna achieve a goal and then, like, go to the beach and and I. I know that sounds probably bad, but you can't want to lose 12 pounds in 12 weeks and then eat pizza over in a surplus and not exercise, if you really want it.

Kevin Palmieri

You can't.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, if you really want it, you can't. And is there like a misunderstanding about that? Like you, I, I want to snowboard and I want to play basketball and I want to have friends and I want to do all these things. My computer is apparently going to die and I want to do all these things. What do we? Got for battery?

Kevin Palmieri

uh let me check this is we're riding the lightning, yeah five percent remaining.

Alan Lazaros

I'm gonna have to switch over real quick wait, can you?

Kevin Palmieri

yeah, yeah I'm gonna try what'll happen. Do we think?

Alan Lazaros

I'm gonna put on the wi-fi first. Let me put on the wi-fi first, okay, and then I'm gonna unplug it we're testing it.

Kevin Palmieri

You're seeing this live. You're going to see a glimpse of Alan's rear end here in a second. Alan's wearing jeans today, which is good. I have on sweatpants, because you know, I just don't. To me, it doesn't make sense to wear jeans in the office. You know what I mean. Alan always says we're the ultimate tryhards. He's the ultimate tryhard. Oh hello, did it work? Yeah, you like glitched across the screen there in a weird way, but you're you're here.

Alan Lazaros

Hey, as you can tell, the internet's not as good. No, I can't tell. It's already a little glitch, okay. Well, if it glitches now we know why, but at least we have power so a little, little tiny behind the scenes, my zen book.

Kevin Palmieri

I'm hardwired now because my, nobody knows what you're. Nobody knows, jeff, nobody knows what you're talking about the computer that I'm on.

Alan Lazaros

I was hardwired ethernet, now it's wi-fi and the wi-fi might suck, so my bad, okay, what was I saying I was talking about? Oh, okay, what is this idea? Yes, yes, yes. Is there a fundamental misunderstanding that you can't achieve a goal unless you align with it? Like, is there a?

Kevin Palmieri

belief that I think there's a fundamental misunderstanding that your desire for the goal must be met by your commitment to the process. Right now, the fact that I don't have more necessity for my weight loss thing makes it way harder, because it's almost like if I want pizza tonight, I'll get pizza. It's not the end of the world if I don't hit the goal. For me, it's not a 10 out of 10. When we do the 10-pound and 10-week challenge on the podcast, it will be a 10 out of 10. It's not yet so that. It's exactly that. I'm not 10 out of 10. Committed to losing 12 pounds in 12 weeks. Okay, I'm like 8 out of 10.

Alan Lazaros

Hello, hello, hello, nlu listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to Next Level University. Real quick, I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes. You have a fundamental understanding that in order to achieve a goal, you have to do certain things in order to achieve it yes, of course. And you have to not do other things to achieve it. Of course, okay, I know you say, of course, other things to achieve it, of course, okay, I know you say, of course. You've met some people that seem to want to manifest things without changing their behavior. Can you tell me what you believe? Why are you different in that?

Alan Lazaros

because quite frankly real quick. I'll preface this kev is going to achieve his goals and dreams. If I had to bet on someone achieving their goals and dreams, I would bet on you. But the reason why is because because of this. It's not because you're so special, like I'm not trying to be unkind, but it's it's because you actually take in hard truths and go yeah, I'm, I'm not going to achieve my goal unless x, y and z and I just don't know why that's not more common I don't think I'm under think.

Kevin Palmieri

I'm under the disillusion that the strategy for me is directly aligned with the strategy that I want. What are the odds that it's going to line up in a way where everything I want to do is exactly what I need to do to get to where I want to get? That's the dumbest From my goals. That's the dumbest from this from my goals. That's the dumbest shit ever. There's no way. I'm most like like. The odds of me even accomplishing my goals are wildly low, nevermind just doing what I want.

Alan Lazaros

There's no, okay. Why do you believe that? What about someone who says well, I'm going to achieve all my goals and dreams with with you know, I'm going to manifest all my goals and dreams, I'm going to manifest it? What would you say to them?

Kevin Palmieri

I think you're probably stuck in a loop of wanting things that reinforce your existing beliefs. Because here's the thing and this is a potential problem, and please do not villainize me for this If you believe that your goals, if they're meant to be, they'll be, you will find a reason. They didn't happen. When they don't, so you're not even. It's not, it's not real. You're you'll. If it's meant to be, it'll be. Well. If it's not, then you'll say well, it wasn't meant to be.

Kevin Palmieri

That's not, no, that's not true. That doesn't mean you couldn't have accomplished them. It means your strategy was off Anytime. That's why I'm always, again, I want you to believe in whatever it is you believe in as long as it's helping you and as long as it's constructive and as long as it's good for people. But when you put the responsibility in the hands of something beyond yourself, you also can put the excuses in the hands of something beyond yourself, and that's why, for me, it's like I don't. If I don't accomplish my dreams, it's my fault. It's not the universe's fault. It's my fault, it's Kevin's fault, because Kevin didn't do what it took.

Alan Lazaros

You have a fitness coach in the past who almost canned you because you ate some M&Ms.

Kevin Palmieri

Yes, On 4th of July. Okay, and a s'mores.

Alan Lazaros

I had a couple s'mores as well, a couple s'mores. So you cheated on the diet. And this is the person I reached out to At the leanest I've ever been, best shape I've ever been in. And I reached out and said I'm struggling, I'm fearful, I'm scarce, I need a refeed. What do I do? And he said I can't tell you anything other than you're going to lose if you you. The only way you win is suffering the most. And I did. I won. I won the overall as well. I won the whole thing. And the other times, when I wasn't suffering, I uh, got, got beaten, I did place, but there was only five people in one of them, so you can't not place well, bodybuilding is like that.

Alan Lazaros

I think one of them was six, six but I think it's a good metaphor for life. It's. It's a bad metaphor for life if you include steroids and all kinds of stuff and lying and cheating and, you know, pretending to do a P test and doing it wrong, like all this stuff. It's a great metaphor for life when it comes to what it actually takes to achieve goals in the real world, not the social world, the real world. And my question for you is there are certain people you would not recommend that coach to right, most people, okay, okay, all right, why? But? But yet you hired him and you're grateful that you hired him and you thought he was a great coach I have nothing but kind things.

Kevin Palmieri

I recommended him to somebody two weeks ago, okay I recommended him to.

Alan Lazaros

I recommended him to you. Why wouldn't you?

Kevin Palmieri

I recommended him to Matt. When Matt's coach was garbage, I said dude, this is the dude you talked to and you'll win. Matt won, you won, I won. Is that a coincidence?

Alan Lazaros

No, he's a good coach. Yeah, he is Okay. Why don't you recommend him to most people? But you do recommend him to me, Matt, and you, and I know you don't like to pump our tires. But I want to get to the root of what's going on here Well.

Kevin Palmieri

I think the simplest answer is he's not for most people. He's for somebody who, somebody who really wants to accomplish whatever the mission is and they're willing to suffer as much as it takes to accomplish that, like that, like that. He's just. A lot of people say I want to, I'm, I'm. You know, this is the year I'll look the best I've ever looked this summer on the beach Awesome, I hope you do, I do.

Kevin Palmieri

There's a smaller subset of people that say, like I'm going to do a photo shoot this year, cool, awesome. And then there's an even smaller subset of people that say I'm going to do a fitness competition this year. And then there's an even smaller subset of people that say I'm going to get on stage in my underwear and flex for a group of strangers to try to win a trophy. Those are the people I think it's because you already have an understanding of what it's going to take. It's like somebody who's been in business for a year knows drastically less in terms of what it's going to be like than somebody who's been in business for eight years. Hypothetically, so, if I connect with somebody who's already been in business for eight years, you have so much experiential knowledge just because you've existed this long. So it's just a smaller subset of a smaller subset of a smaller subset.

Alan Lazaros

How do you know that those people really wanted to win? How did you know you really want to win, matt really wants to win and I really want to win. How did you know? What did you observe? Because everyone thinks they want to win, but you always say I actually wanted to win. And it never makes any sense because you don't go deeper.

Kevin Palmieri

So what do you mean by that? I didn't do the fitness show. I did the fitness show to win the fitness show. That was the only reason I did it. I didn't do it for the fucking experience. I didn't want the experience. I wanted to win the show. And when I signed up I said I'm going to do what he tells me. I'm going to eat what he tells me to eat. I'm gonna exercise as much as he tells me to exercise. I'm gonna do as much cardio as he tells me to do. That that's what I'm gonna. And then that's what I'm signing up for. I'm literally going to someone and I'm asking them the answers to the test.

The difference between doing something to win Vs. Doing it for a "flex"

Alan Lazaros

Okay, I'm gonna skip out on the test. Can you anonymously talk about someone who isn't like that and what? What's the difference? And again, the reason I'm doing this is because anyone out there watching or listening if you really do want to achieve your goals and dreams there's stuff in between the notes here, like what is Matt you knew would win right and you knew I wouldn't, because that was the show that I got stomped and he won right? Yes, okay. And the show that I won you knew I'd win? Yes, how did you know? How did you know Matt was going to?

Kevin Palmieri

win Because Matt was just unbelievably committed. He was walking the talk. Matt didn't even want people to know that he was doing a bodybuilding show. It wasn't about that. He put some pictures on social media, but not like most people do. I had way more pictures on social media of not like most people do. I had way more pictures on social media of the bodybuilding prep than he did. He was doing it for the right reasons. He wasn't doing it to be cool.

Alan Lazaros

He wasn't how could you tell? How did you know he was doing it for the right reasons?

Kevin Palmieri

because it was almost like he didn't want it. He didn't want anybody to know it wasn't a flex, he wasn't doing it for a flex, it was like the opposite, and so you.

Alan Lazaros

So there's a correlation between people doing things for a flex versus doing it because they actually want to achieve it.

Kevin Palmieri

I think that when, when something becomes cool, a lot of people start doing it. Like there are some podcasters I know that won't win. They started because it was sexy, not because they intended on winning. They started because it was the sexy thing, Okay, how do you know what are?

Alan Lazaros

you picking up on, Like what's the difference?

Kevin Palmieri

Well, you know, we tried all the other stuff in business and nothing really seemed to work. So we thought we'd give the podcast a try. You're done. No, you're done. That's like saying, yeah, you know, I met Emilia and I was just like, yeah, yeah, I'll give it a shot, see if we can work it out.

Alan Lazaros

Oh, okay, how's that going? Okay, what would that tell you If I was like that? What would that tell you?

Kevin Palmieri

You'd be single for a while. Maybe, I was gonna.

Alan Lazaros

It was eventually gonna fail Because I wasn't willing To do whatever it took.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, it's not, you're going into it it's like kicking the tires. It's like, yeah, let me see. Like, if it's convenient and it works the way I want it to, I'll stick around, but if not, I'll probably just jump to the next thing.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, so you're gauging commitment levels through this. You're just gauging commitment levels through this.

Kevin Palmieri

You're just gauging commitment levels. Yeah, I would say so.

Alan Lazaros

For anyone out there watching or listening. How can they tell how committed they are?

Kevin Palmieri

What are you willing? What's the order? Again, I'm not saying it has to be this serious, but what's the order of, what's the order of the operations when it comes to your life and when it comes to your goals? I told Alan this today there's some stuff going on behind the scenes with the team and a couple members of the team are going through some emergency stuff. And I woke up today. I got up at 6, as I do, and I literally was. From the moment I woke up, my phone was glued to my face.

Kevin Palmieri

I told this to somebody the other day. I said you have to understand if where you want to go, the goals that you have determined I have not determined them for you. You told me you want them. You asked me what it would take to get there. This is my understanding. I could be off. I don't think I am. You're not going to be able to wake up and have breakfast with your partner just because you want to. I said I can count on two hands, probably one hand. How many times I have woken up and had breakfast with Taryn during the week? For the five coming up on six years we've been together, don't you? Of course I want to. Of course I want to. I can't.

Alan Lazaros

I can't. Okay, why can't you?

Kevin Palmieri

And I agree, I agree that you can't, because I have to prioritize growing the business. Just like I had to prioritize growing the business over going to the gym for a while, just like I. Literally, my hair is a disaster right now. I have to prioritize getting stuff done for clients over going and getting my hair cut. It's because it is. Taryn is the most important person to me, hands down, bar none, not close. The business and the mission is the most important person to me. Hands down, bar none, not close the business and the mission is the most important thing to me Over everything else. So it has to be number one. So almost everything else is secondary.

Kevin Palmieri

I'm not saying it has to be that way, but when I was doing bodybuilding I don't, does it offend you that I'm not eating your food at your wedding? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I cannot come then, but I'm going to eat my meal because that's what I signed up to do. My bodybuilding coach was pissed at me because I didn't even tell him it was my birthday. He was like, dude, I would have given you a cheat meal. I don't care, I don't care. I signed up to win the show. I didn't sign up to get special treatment. I don't want special treatment, I want to win the show. That's what I want. That's what I want Because that's. But this is the downside. Those are the people that get shit on. You get shit on when you are more committed than anybody else around you.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, it's the fucking worst.

Kevin Palmieri

You get shit on when you. Why isn't that more?

Alan Lazaros

valued, I thought that's cool I respect it.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, same. I think it's super cool. Shout out to you If you're more committed than those people around you, you're getting negativity. I'm sorry.

Alan Lazaros

Because Yulia has a test on Saturday for a trauma certification. She's doing Dude. She's studying morning, evening, night, all Dude, so do I.

Kevin Palmieri

I respect it.

Alan Lazaros

So, do I but it, it's the same thing she gets shit on more than anyone, though. That's the truth.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, you and I spoke to a group of students one time and I said I really wish I had the balls to say I know you probably don't think any of what we're talking about is cool, but trust me, trust me, there are a lot of people my age that are coming around to self-improvement now. A lot of people Shout out to you if you are. Unfortunately, I think the reason they're coming around is because they've been through the the ringer yeah and their life didn't end up where they wanted, and now they're they're, they're searching for stuff.

Alan Lazaros

Do you think humility and commitment are tied together? Because if you don't have humility. It's almost like you don't think you have to be committed. Well, I think accuracy.

Kevin Palmieri

Accuracy is a big piece. I you. If you have to kind of, you either have to kind of be, you have to kind of be accurate with what it's going to take. You have to accidentally fall in line with what it's going to take or you have to find someone who tells you what it's going to take.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, but you won't find someone who's going to tell you what it's going to take unless you have humility.

Kevin Palmieri

I don't think you'll take the advice without humility.

Alan Lazaros

That's why I said what I said in the last episode because I got to jump. I also really, really, really need to pee Smallest bladder in the game. I'm going to get you a t-shirt.

Kevin Palmieri

That's going to be the first merch that we sell, so from.

Alan Lazaros

He's got to pee so bad Not the first merch he's got to pee so bad that he won't let me finish it's going to say smallest bladder in the game.

Kevin Palmieri

You know it.

Alan Lazaros

Smallest bladder in the game. Okay, so from age 20 to 40. In the last episode, if you heard it, I talked about how, the bludgeoning of humble pie, what I think that what I meant by that is that from age 20 to 40, everyone out there in that age range and if you're not in that age range yet, you know, because if you're past it you definitely know, and if you're younger it's coming you kind of realize that everyone wants a mansion on the beach. Almost no one gets one, Unless there's a lot of generational wealth or you're as committed as what Kevin's talking about. So what we talk about in group coaching is if you want to win at level 10, you're going to need level 10 commitment. If you want to win at level 8, you only need level 8 commitment. You and I are not nearly in as good a shape as we were back in the fitness competitive days. You want to know why we're more committed to growing the business than we are to our physique.

Kevin Palmieri

Let me throw something out there real quick. Tyron and I were watching a show On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad do you have to be 10? Watching a show on a scale of one to ten? How bad do you have to be ten? Uh, eight, eight. We were watching. Okay, we were watching a show the other day and do whatever we gotta do. Okay, he's gonna pee on the floor there was not that committed there there was a uh in this show there was a you know I am, I know I know you are, I know you are.

Alan Lazaros

No, no, I'm certain you are. There was a white president, so there's. There's a show tyron and I are watching president is white and there is two.

Kevin Palmieri

I know you are, I know you are no, no, I'm certain you are. There was a white president. So there's a show Taryn and I are watching. The president is white and there's two. There's a black grandfather and a black grandson and the president says well, just believe. You gotta believe in yourself, and one day you might be sitting in this seat and the grandfather and the grandson are walking out and he said don't believe that shit. Now again, there's a point to this, I promise. He said there's a big difference between dreams, goals and fantasies. He said that's a fantasy for people like us. He said there's some people that are born seven feet tall. It might be the goal to play in the NBA, but for somebody else it might be a fantasy to play in the NBA.

Alan Lazaros

But for somebody else it might be a fantasy.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, yeah yeah, that's fire.

Alan Lazaros

Goals, wait, wait. Dreams, goals and fantasies.

Kevin Palmieri

It was yes, yes, but it was really powerful the way they said it. Now, again, I don't do. I agree with that.

Kevin Palmieri

Necessarily no, because a whole different thing. But for my thought, this was it. The dream. Okay, what's the difference between me saying I want to be a successful podcaster? Why is that a dream and not a fantasy? Because I don't expect to get it with no work. I think that's a fantasy. I think if you think you're going to have the most successful anything with no work, that is a fantasy. You're living in a dream that that's not going to happen. But I do think the difference between a fantasy and a goal is a fantasy is up to something else. A goal is up to you, it's up to you. And just to clarify, I don't agree with what the grandfather said to the grandson.

Kevin Palmieri

That's very clear, but I'm grateful that you're reiterating I'm trying to take a parallel from a tv show and I'm like, well, that's not. I mean, it wasn't super positive the way he said it.

Alan Lazaros

You know, like I want that, I want the kid to to dream and I don't think it is a fantasy in this case, but I understand what the context, so we're good, the and I appreciate you clarify, to wrap up here for anyone watching or listening, what's your commitment level. Is it a dream, which it's very probable it happens if you put in the work? Is it a goal where you're guaranteed to do it and you're really committed to it? Short-term goal, or is it a fantasy and it's like you know what? I'm not that committed. Own it, it's okay. Do you know how many people I have a client? I always tell the story because I love it.

Alan Lazaros

I, dude, does it bother you that you're out of shape? And he doesn't mind me being honest with him. This guy is asking for hard fucking truth. This dude. I've told him. I mean, he like, dude, come on, I need you. He's literally come to me and said I need you to be a little fucking harder on me.

Alan Lazaros

I said does it bother you that you're out of shape? He's like nah. I said, dude, this is unacceptable for me. Like, this bothers me every fucking day, like how out of shape I am. I said when you're at a barbecue, does it, does it affect you? Does it bother you that you're not in like really good shape. He's like, no, not really. I said dude, how much does it bother you that you don't have 15 grand in your bank account right now? He's like it bothers me all the time. Now he has tons of investments, he has millions. He's a multimillionaire. The truth is he's not committed in fitness, but he's committed to his financial goals. Guess what? He's achieving his financial goals and he's a. He's achieving the hell out of him. I'm proud of him. I would rather you just own, if it's a fantasy, because with this guy he's like how do I get a six pack, brother? It's not going to happen. You're not getting any younger. You're 38 and you don't work out that much. It's okay, let it go, hey, let it go.

Alan Lazaros

Trust me, I don't have a goddamn six pack and I work out 1, out 1066 days in a row. Okay, and I'm not working out easy, I mean when we're walking and exercising back, yeah but my weight training is hardcore dude hasn't tracked a calorie in months it's been a long time, but I'm not expecting results without that.

Why the truth always reveals itself over time

Alan Lazaros

That's the thing, the think, the thing. Okay for anyone out there. Is it a dream, is it a goal or is it a fantasy? I think that if nothing else comes from this episode, I hope that that does, and if it is a fantasy, let it go. Let it go. If it's something you really want to achieve, maybe it's time to face some hard realities of why you're not achieving it. The reason we're not achieving our goals and dreams is because of the story we've told ourself about ourself, or the story we've told ourself about the strategy or the story we've told ourself about the strategy or the story we've told ourself about. It's because you're not facing something. There's some inadequacy, some weakness, some hard truth that you're not facing. That is what coaching is. It's hey, tell me what I'm doing wrong. You're eating M&Ms and s'mores, brother, you're going to fucking lose. That is actually more helpful in the real world when you want real goals. However, if you don't, and it's a fantasy, do not sign up for that kind of coaching.

Kevin Palmieri

Well, here's a good thought. Last thing, before we go. Imagine that you're in a maze and there's somebody who is in a tower in the middle of the maze. That is a coach. They're literally saying like, take a right turn If they say, hey, if you keep going, you're going to hit a dead end, just so you know. And then you keep, you don't listen, and then you go and you hit the dead end and then you villainize them. That is a you issue. None of them issue. They literally told you not to do it and you did it. Now again, are all coaches that good?

Alan Lazaros

you don't tell the, you don't tell the, you don't get to the dead end until eight years later. Well, that is the problem.

Kevin Palmieri

Because there usually is some lag.

Alan Lazaros

And then you get someone to reach out to you and say, hey, I'm really sorry, you were right and it's like well, six years later, Better late than never.

Kevin Palmieri

I guess it's only been eight years, right? So a lot of people maybe will reach out in a couple decades. We'll see, you know we'll happens, but we're not gonna bank on it. Time always tells the truth. I think sometimes it does.

Alan Lazaros

Yeah, definitely not always, though strong work, man, you think it always tells the truth eventually. Yeah, I do. I think that's why facing mortality is so, so hard, because I think we all have to face the truth one way or another. Yeah, I do, I do believe that's true. That's why my car accident was so transformative. I had to face all of the truth.

Kevin Palmieri

Oh my goodness, Sometimes when I hear the bumper sticker stuff, I got to check it See.

Alan Lazaros

Got to give it a kick see if it's real, I see. That is my current belief. We will see you. Mean time heals all wounds eventually. You say that I've never.

Kevin Palmieri

Yeah, that's. And then like what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. It's like no, no, no, it can, but no, no I don't think it's across the board.

Alan Lazaros

Okay, yeah, if blank, blank, blank.

Kevin Palmieri

All right. If you are looking to be a more consistent journaler and you have bought journals in the past and you're just like look, I don't have 50 minutes to write out an entire novel every single day, we have the next level dreamliner. It will probably take you less than five minutes a day. It takes me less than five minutes a day. I'm a huge fan. It's on Amazon. It'll get shipped right to your house. There's questions in there every day Habit tracker, all that happy jazz, boom. Yeah, you're not probably going to write as much as Alan has, so don't feel like you have to. Mine is more like chicken scratch, so I'll have the link in the show notes for that, and if you're looking to be a more consistent journaler, that's a great place to start. You want to say anything at all to the people, or?

Alan Lazaros

Uh, yes.

Alan Lazaros

If you're looking for someone to be in the tower, not the ivory tower, not the I'm special tower, not the I'm going to look down on you tower, but the tower where I can help you in the maze, because I've helped many people navigate their own mazes. Reach out the link will be in the show notes to book on my calendar 30 minutes free business breakthrough session, career development, business coaching either one of those works. I will help you generate more income. I will help you get more on track. I will definitely help you be more productive and, yes, I will have to tell you some hard truths that you might not love hearing in the moment, but you will always be more likely to succeed.

Outro

Kevin Palmieri

Hard truths are necessary for sure. How we respond to them and take them is personal. I would say All right, as always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NL, always we love you. We appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. And at NLU, we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros

Stay Next Level, next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host