Next Level University

How To Build Will Power (1982)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Ever wonder why success feels so elusive? In this episode, Kevin and Alan uncover the science behind willpower, why it fades throughout the day, and how you can strengthen it like a muscle. From late-night bad decisions to long-term success, they explore how self-control shapes your health, relationships, and career.

Learn more about:
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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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Show notes:
(3:44) Pushing through resistance to get things done
(4:20) The power of accountability in productivity
(8:23) Summary of Willpower by Roy Baumeister
(10:05) How daily willpower depletion affects relationships
(11:59) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(15:35) Avoiding short-term struggles creates bigger problems
(17:25) Why developing willpower starts with a strong goal
(21:23) Two biggest predictors of success: intelligence & willpower
(24:02) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

We have clients, they have a YouTube channel all about retirement. And Mark is 67. Goes to the gym five days a week, super active. His goal is to be fully independent going into his 90s. That's his goal. But he knows that if he doesn't, things aren't going to be good necessarily.

Alan Lazaros:

This is why our worst habits happen at night. We eat what we don't want to eat. We do what we don't want to do. We say things we shouldn't have said. We do things we shouldn't have done. Half of willpower is what you keep yourself from doing. The other half is getting yourself to do the things that you know are necessary.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros:

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri:

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University completely free. Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to a lot of growth within some of the departments that I lead. Quote unquote for lack of a better phrasing. And this is what I've been doing lately I just say yes, and then I figure it out later, and I think that's a really good thing to do sometimes not all the time especially if you get overwhelmed.

Alan Lazaros:

It's a whole thing, but I told Taryn it's the benefit of self-confidence right there and or.

Kevin Palmieri:

Arrogance I mean deprecation, self-deprecation, just beating yourself up. We'll talk a little bit about that today, but it was towards the end of the week. So Friday Tara and I did the escape room. Saturday we went out to dinner and I told her Saturday, I said I'm going to have to work tomorrow, and I worked essentially all day. Saturday too, I said I'm going to have to do some work tomorrow. And I woke up and in New Hampshire we got like eight inches of snow and, dude, I love driving in the snow. So I was like I got to go to the gym.

Kevin Palmieri:

I got to go to the gym.

Alan Lazaros:

Got to, especially in the snowstorm, because there's less people.

Kevin Palmieri:

Less people and I like to drive. I can slide my car around safely and responsibly. There's nobody else on the road. It was so much fun.

Alan Lazaros:

So I get home.

Kevin Palmieri:

Drifting in the Beamer. Yeah, I got to, and it's so good in the snow. It's all-wheel drive, it's so good in the snow. So I got home and I got home at like 8. Came in the office.

Alan Lazaros:

Fuck this. I don't want to. I got to edit videos.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't want to. I got to edit videos. I don't want to do that, snowing out, I'm going to have my morning coffee. There was UFC on last night. I got to catch up on my fights and I was like I mean, you have to, there is no choice, there is no option. This video that you're editing is going out Monday. You have to do it. It's not an option, unfortunately, and I had this moment where I was like, nah, this kind of sucks.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't really want to do this, and I had that Saturday too. I didn't. It was getting towards the end of the day and I was like I don't really want to start something else but one. So two things One, super grateful I did because it made Monday a lot easier, Much, much, much easier. And two, I think it's way easier to push through that voice than it used to be. I think that voice used to win a lot more. I was like, ah, don't worry about it, We'll just do it, We'll just do it tomorrow. There was something else. I was sending over a proposal to someone and I literally sent them an audio and said I'll get it to you by tonight.

Kevin Palmieri:

I know you don't need it by tonight, but I know if I don't say it.

Alan Lazaros:

I will you ever say that shit at like 9 am and then it's 8 o'clock and you're like, yeah, that was it, I haven't even started it.

Kevin Palmieri:

I sent Alan a text I think it's 7.05. Where it was like hey man, what do you think about this? Like I'm almost done, I'm just finishing up and I think I finished at like 7.30 or 7.45. But I also knew, if I didn't put that out there, if I didn't put that accountability out there, I wouldn't have done it. I would have pushed it to the next day Because, honestly, it doesn't matter that much, but I do have a list a to kick it to you, but I wanted to start off with the story.

Alan Lazaros:

Emilia and I we've been together for five years and she and I, whenever she has something academic like she's completing her portfolio for her trauma certification and then she's about to do an IFS training she's significantly more fulfilled when she has academic endeavors. I, she noticed, am significantly more fulfilled when I have a book that I love, and it's gotten harder over the years to find books that I really think are valid. And I don't know if it's because there seems to be a movement in the self-improvement space where we're getting away from fundamentals like the subtle art of not giving an F and I get it like you have to allocate your fucks, so to speak, to the things that matter. But there's there's not a lot of books that I think are extremely sound when it comes to goal achievement, a lot of books that I think are extremely sound when it comes to goal achievement. Goal achievement is a process that is ridiculously difficult and that's why most people do not ever achieve their goals and dreams. Statistically, there's only one gold medal. There's only one NFL or NHL or Olympics or CEO or whatever it is and all of us want this beautiful mansion. We all want to buy a home, we all want to start a family. We all want a magnificent relationship, we all want a six-pack, we all want to be in great shape, we all want to live long. We all want to be happy, healthy and productive. There's no one out there who wouldn't say, yeah, give little more of that. But kev, you mentioning like I have to do this. You sit there and you're like I have to do this, I don't want to do this, I have to do this, you don't have to do anything. However, I understand the mentality. So kev could just slough that off. However, there's consequences. So if you slough that off, however, there's consequences. So if you sloughed that off, you're going to lose clients. If you lose clients, you're going to be less successful in business. If you're less successful in business, you're less likely to achieve your goals and dreams. Your future suffers, your wife suffers, your team suffers, the business suffers, team suffers, the business suffers. And then later on in life, you have to sit there and say you know, fuck, I really fucked this up, didn't I all those times when I could have put in the extra hour or gone to the gym or not, had that drink or kept my mouth shut when I was in a bad mood? And I just think no one wants to get divorced, no one wants to get overweight, no one wants to get blackout, drunk and ruin a relationship. No one wants these terrible things. No one wants to go bankrupt, no one wants to mortgage their home, no one wants to go into massive debt. Some people go into debt strategically from leveraging capital, ourself included but ultimately, no one wants a shitty future, and the reason why I love this book I this is the overview Willpower explores the science behind self-control, arguing that willpower is a finite but trainable resource and it influences success in nearly every aspect of life.

Alan Lazaros:

Roy Baumeister, a psychologist, and John Tierney, a journalist, examine how willpower functions, why it depletes and how individuals can strengthen it. That's the point of the episode we can strengthen it. You can build it like a muscle. We can strengthen it. You can build it like a muscle. They draw on decades of research, including baumeister studies on ego depletion, to show how self-control can be harnessed for greater achievement, better decision making and overall well-being. It takes willpower to eat a salad instead of a cheeseburger. It takes willpower to stay in the fucking office when you work from home and could easily watch a movie yeah it takes willpower not to watch pornography and to hold out to the next time you make love to your partner.

Alan Lazaros:

It takes willpower to get off social fucking media and to block people that are constantly showing half naked bodies. It takes willpower, and we all have a certain amount of it, and this book is breaking down how hard it is if you are not happy, healthy and productive. How hard it is if you don't get good sleep. I have this acronym that I've used for years. It's called HALT, H-H-A-L-L-T. Hungry, horny, angry, lonely, late and tired. If you're any three of those, you need to go take a nap or something you need to. I don't hear a jeffin. Stop, drop and roll. Stop everything you're doing. Take a moment. Go take care of yourself. Go resource yourself is what Emilie and I say, Because in the book they talk about how couples that come home.

Alan Lazaros:

They both are very career-driven. If they come home late, both at like 7 pm, after really long days where they're depleting their willpower, you have to say this to your boss and not this you have to do this thing you don't want to do. You have to pretend to like this person that you don't. You have to blah, blah, blah, and that's why corporate can be so damn challenging Because you don't get to choose your colleagues. You don't get to choose who you spend time with. I mean, we all have to deal with a bunch of bullshit all the time. Let's be being a fucking adult, Not trying to be toxic, I'm just saying Now. It takes willpower to deal with all that stuff that we don't want to deal with. Anyone can wake up on a Sunday and hang out all day. Anyone can do that.

Kevin Palmieri:

I did after, after I did my work, I did.

Alan Lazaros:

Not anyone can be an Olympic gold medalist, not anyone can run up and succeed in business. Not anyone can X, y, z. And so they talked about how these couples that come home late, they end up getting in fights. And there was a psychologist that they cited in the book. I thought was really powerful because we coach couples and they said that all the psychologists, the couples counselor, ended up saying is just come home one hour earlier when you have a little bit of willpower left, because they were fighting, because they were both so drained.

Alan Lazaros:

This is why our worst habits happen at night. We eat what we don't want to eat. We do what we don't want to do. We say things we shouldn't have said. We do things we shouldn't have done. Half of willpower is what you keep yourself from doing. The other half is getting yourself to do the things that you know are necessary. And I was talking recently about how I did 51 coaching sessions, podcasts and trainings last week and that was my new PR, and the only reason why I was able to do that is because I've designed my environment and I've designed my life and I've developed my willpower over a really long period of time.

Alan Lazaros:

Hello, hello, hello, nlu listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to Next Level University. Real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes, very last piece.

Alan Lazaros:

Here I was talking to Kev before we recorded this episode and we went to the same middle school and I'll never forget when these firefighters came in and they were trying to talk about how dangerous it is in the winter on the ice, ice fishing, snowmobiling on the ice, these kinds of things how dangerous it is, cause if you fall through the ice your body shuts down very, very quickly. And in this exercise they had two volunteers come up. In hindsight Now I realize, of course, I raised my hand. Uh, that's obvious to me now that that was what I did every single time and everything basically. And me and someone named andrew went up on stage and they had us. They had a bucket or a fish tank of ice water on stage and they, they had us hold our arm, our whole arm in, and who could last longer, and I remember thinking to myself I'm to die before I take my arm out. There's no chance Andrew beats me, it's not possible. And I now realize as an adult that the science shows that people who have more willpower they have better outcomes in life. Because I started from a beginning in life that was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very challenging and, statistically speaking, the large majority of people wouldn't have been able to build a magnificent life out of that, and I'm very grateful for being able to do that. But one of the things that I don't get to talk about, because it sounds like I'm talking about me and it's like, damn, it's all about Alan. No, it's not. I just want to talk about this principle, the principle I remember I was at Point Sebago and me and my sister were competing.

Alan Lazaros:

Who could, you know, win more ribbons? And she was better than me at everything kind of back then, because I was three years younger and she was pretty good at stuff actually, and we both brought home, I think, like seven or eight ribbons and it was all kinds of stuff basketball, running, volleyball, you name it and one of them was running a mile around a beach and it was all kinds of stuff basketball, running, volleyball, you name it and one of them was running a mile around a beach and it was in the sand. Running on the sand is terrible and it was in the middle of the hot sun, probably 90 degree weather. And my mom said I don't understand. Like how did you just beat all those other kids? I don't get it. Like you don't even run.

Alan Lazaros:

First of all, I'm a kid, so you run everywhere. But I said I can. I can suffer more than those kids. I that was my genuine, that wasn't an ego answer, that was like a little kid oh, I'll just suffer more than these kids. And whether it's straight A's in high school or getting into my dream college or succeeding at NLU or doing the 51, whatever it is, I just I do think there's a component of who can suffer the most. And here's what I want to say. I don't want this to be toxic or masochistic If you aren't able to suffer, you can't achieve really, really, really, really, really, really high goals.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, you're going to suffer forever, no matter what. Really, it's just a matter of is it in the direction you want? I think that's the downside. That's the thing is you assume, well, I'm not the type of person, I don't want to be uncomfortable, I don't want to suffer. Then you might end up 20 years from today, but not by choice. It won't be privilege, pressure. It'll be what life has in store for you.

Kevin Palmieri:

Unfortunately, I think sometimes the resistance you avoid becomes the resistance you attract later. Not attract, but the resistance you're avoiding right now is literally creating resistance for you. Eventually, you just don't see it. You just don't see it. Oh, so you don't want to exercise now. Okay, the likelihood of you being able to walk up the stairs when you're 80 is far less. It just is. It just is. We have clients, they have a YouTube channel, all about retirement. And Mark is 67. Goes to the gym five days a week, super active. His goal is to be fully independent going into his 90s. That's his goal. But he knows that if he doesn't, things aren't going to be good if you don't have a goal like that, why would you develop willpower?

Alan Lazaros:

I think that's the yeah I never as a kid, I never knew that that's what I was doing. I wasn't. I didn't read a book called willpower and then say i'm'm so pumped I can out suffer people. I think it was unconsciously. I just knew if I wanted to win, if I wanted to succeed, if I wanted to get into college, if I wanted to build a family, if I wanted to particularly when my stepdad left I knew that we were fucked if I didn't. You know what I mean.

Alan Lazaros:

Like I knew we were fucked if I didn't and I don't mean to be unkind with that, like I don't mean fucked as in, I mean I would have survived. But who wants to just survive? Right, my dreams were impossible without suffering and I knew that, and I think that that's one of the things. That's why I love this book is because it's very honest. I think there's a lot of books that are just not that honest and they're just like oh, the four-hour work week and I just, tim, you worked 80 hours a week every week for like years and years and years before you wrote that book.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, the fundamentals don't sell, though. That's the problem. That's the problem the fundamentals don't sell, just like I'm sure there's probably a ton of really, really, really powerful true stories, but almost no movie is ever exactly the story, because they have to add some liberties to it to make it entertaining. Unfortunately, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

Almost everyone based on a true story. Yes, right, titanic Great movie Not real, unfortunately. Yeah, almost everyone based on a true story. Yes, right, titanic great movie not real. Like one big piece is real, nothing else is some of those people kind of sort of existed, but not necessarily in the way. The fact that it's the most famous, one of the most famous tragedies in american history, in the world's history but, yeah, in the world's history isn't enough for it to be a good movie. Gotta find a way to add some more drama in there. World's history, but yeah, in the world's history isn't enough for it to be a good movie. We've got to find a way to add some more drama in there. Let's make a love triangle. Steals the fucking diamond. There's got to be, yeah, the heart of the ocean. Let's have him steal that. He's going to draw our nude. Throw that in there about halfway through right after you change from the first video to the second one.

Kevin Palmieri:

I speaking of the truth. I saw a video the other day on social. There's just this guy I follow. I do sean. I don't remember how, I don't know his last name, but he said this is a dieting hack that almost nobody is ever going to tell you that might be the most useful. I'm in, I'm dieting. He said you have to understand that, no matter what you do and no matter what intuitive eating coaches are trying to tell you, when you're dieting there is a physiological response.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah you're going to be hungry. You're going to be hungry.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, if you're not, you're not in a deficit, because your body is literally designed to make sure you don't lose too much weight. Because, from an evolutionary standpoint, if you lose too much weight because, from an evolutionary standpoint, if you lose too much weight, you die we have to keep some fat on us in case there's a famine. And I got to the end of the video and I was like I don't think that helped me that much, because I know I've dieted enough times to just know.

Alan Lazaros:

Do you go into dieting knowing it's going to blow?

Kevin Palmieri:

Yes, of course.

Alan Lazaros:

That's why I don't want to do it, but you do it anyway because you want to be in shape.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, I think there's. The difference is knowing it's going to suck and then doing it, and then just dealing with it, and knowing it's going to suck and then that being the reason you don't do it. I think that's one of the things that sucks is there's a lot of people out there telling you can get blank result without blank effort, and the reason you're not going to get the result is because you're going to listen to what they say. I'm telling you, I'm convinced, if we spent, if we as humans spent as much time, if we invested the time that we spent looking for shortcuts into the unsexy fundamentals, we would all be more successful.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, 100% of course that, but you're all I just. I think it's just human nature to look for a way around instead of a way through. Understandably, I'm guilty of that Way. Less now than ever.

Alan Lazaros:

But yeah, eventually you just realize it's not For me. I eventually just get frustrated enough I know we're gonna jump. I eventually just get frustrated enough with myself to say alan, just just do what you know you're supposed to do because none of the other stuff is youtube in particular.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't mean to be unkind with these content creators. They're doing a great job. I think they're inspiring, they're motivating. I think some of it's extremely valuable, but a book like this way more valuable, super fucking boring. Well, it's super boring, but it's it's just way more valuable because it talks about the research of the marshmallow test and how the kids who could resist the marshmallow, statistically speaking, were literally more successful in every regard. It's the most correlated yeah, ever. And when I had my arm in that tank, I doubt anyone was like, oh, he's going to be more successful because of that, when in reality it was just it was super painful. By the way, this is what I really need to share with people. I was very scared to take my arm out.

Alan Lazaros:

I it hurt a lot, that was really genuinely, sincerely painful, and I was willing to let my arm frostbite if I had to.

Kevin Palmieri:

Let's say reckless.

Alan Lazaros:

There's something to that, though.

Kevin Palmieri:

There definitely is. There's something, obviously, I wouldn't let my arm fall off Also, you've got to assume the firefighters know Of course. That's what I assumed too. That's the one thing too, they'll pull me out of here.

Alan Lazaros:

That's the one thing they say in the book too. I'll share this very briefly. I know you've got to jump, yeah, I've got to jump. Very last thing In the book they literally said this the most correlated. There's two things that are the most correlated with success Success in, in terms of external achievement. Number one is intelligence Definitely would have guessed that. And number two is willpower. And if you have intelligence is hey, don't let my arm burn off to win this competition. Frostbite off, not burn off, but I was intelligent enough to go. Okay, they calculated. There's no way my arm's actually in danger. This just hurts.

Kevin Palmieri:

All right, we're going to have do a part two, because we did how to build willpower. We didn't even talk about it. So tomorrow we're gonna talk about how to actually build it.

Kevin Palmieri:

This will be a little two-part episode. It's Monday, we're recording this on Monday and Alan and I just met after the weekend and there's always a lot of stuff and talks and then we run or Jeffen, but I'm committed to making these episodes longer. I don't like 20-minute episodes. I'm not a fan, alan knows it, but we're very busy. It's a whole thing. We're going to figure out our shit, though I promise. All right, alan still has coaching slots available if you are looking to level up in your life, love, health and wealth. What Alan says is something along the lines of results first, what do you say? I don't want to say it because it sounds kind of hardcore but feelings second. Results first, feelings second.

Alan Lazaros:

Oh, external success first. Internal fulfillment second, feelings third.

Kevin Palmieri:

Not in a toxic way, though.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, no, of course not.

Kevin Palmieri:

Not in a toxic way, yeah.

Alan Lazaros:

I care deeply about my clients.

Kevin Palmieri:

But results. We want results. That's what NLU is about helping you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. And if this podcast helps, coaching will help at an even deeper level. So we'll have Alan's link in the show notes and then our live event, Next Level, Live 2025. The landing page is not done yet, but it is April 5th 2025. Totally virtual Tickets are only $47. You get access to the replay and Alan and I will be live streaming all over the world. So we'll have the link in the show notes for that. We won't because it's not there yet, but just keep your mind primed because one of these days it is going to be done and the team's working on it and they're crushing it. So boom, as always, we love you, we appreciate you, Grateful for each and every one of you At NLU. We do not have fans. We have family. We will talk.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros:

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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