Next Level University

What’s The Difference Between A Crutch And A Trampoline? (1993)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

In today’s episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore the fine line between using technology as a tool for growth versus a crutch for avoidance, the impact of social media on self-worth, and why true confidence starts from the inside out. If you’ve ever wondered whether your online presence aligns with who you are, this conversation will challenge you to look deeper.

Learn more about:
Monthly Meet-up #39: “How to More Effectively Manage Your Time” - https://bit.ly/3Dg0rmy
Next Level Dreamliner: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt

_____________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://bit.ly/3BQBYDr
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:01) Kevin’s experience speaking in the Metaverse
(4:11) How VR can help overcome public speaking fears
(5:16) Trampoline Vs. Crutch: Using tech to grow
(07:41) Steps to becoming a better speaker
(14:16) The danger of relying on AI-generated images
(21:16) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 5 PM. https://bit.ly/4dPeTiD
(22:57) Alan’s wake-up call from competitive gaming
(25:12) The impact of social media on self-worth
(32:12) The real world Vs. The online world
(36:09) Challenge: Post an unfiltered, real-life picture
(39:37) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

There is a level of certainty that behind the scenes, if you have it, it almost makes everything else. It's like the opposite If, behind the scenes, you're super certain and you have a lot of confidence and you feel confident in who you are and you have certainty in who you are, you don't really care that much about the external stuff.

Alan Lazaros:

This dude's a multi-millionaire, he's sponsored, he's signing autographs and I'm over here just feeling like a loser and I started playing the long game after that and now it's a really cool life that I live, and if you're really successful in a virtual world or maybe on social media, but yet in your real life you don't feel good about yourself, that is something to check in on.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros:

And I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus, at.

Kevin Palmieri:

NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. Welcome to.

Kevin Palmieri:

Next Level University. Welcome to Next Level University. The difference between a crutch and a trampoline? No, you showed that in the last episode. You don't get to show it two episodes in a row, son. So I was on a really, really, really cool podcast in the metaverse. I don't know how to explain it, but I was sent this headset. I'm going to show it on YouTube real quick. He's going to show it on YouTube.

Kevin Palmieri:

I was sent this headset and I put it on my face and then I turned some power buttons. On YouTube, I was sent this headset and I put it on my face and then I turned some power buttons on and then I was in the metaverse and then I got invited to this podcast room in the metaverse and it was this super, super, super cool thing. So essentially it was virtual reality and I was on a virtual reality podcast in a studio with live people there that were also in virtual reality as their avatar selves. I was my avatar self Super, super cool, but I had a moment?

Alan Lazaros:

Did you get to pick what you wore and all that?

Kevin Palmieri:

Of course I did no tattoos, which was a real made me really sad I couldn't tattoo myself up, but it was pretty close, it was pretty close, it was pretty close, I'll say Do you have a hat on?

Alan Lazaros:

No, suit it up.

Kevin Palmieri:

Do you suit it up? No, nice T, nice fitting T. Show off the guns, show off the metaverse virtual guns. I turned the muscle up a little bit on him Above average muscle. I had to go kind of above average muscle.

Kevin Palmieri:

Couldn't control the height so I was probably about six feet tall in the metaverse, which you know. I'm not complaining about that. It wasn't my doing. I'm not complaining about that. What was that like? It was no different because it was a cartoon. I could have been 12 feet tall. I wouldn't have even known. I didn't know what the fuck was happening.

Kevin Palmieri:

I was losing my mind for a short time. This is the thing that I took away. I took away many things and shout out to anybody from there listening you guys are awesome. I was backstage and when you're backstage you can see what's happening in the front of the stage, and they were introducing me and telling me about my story a little bit and all that, and I said this would be such a good practice for somebody who wants to be a speaker but is afraid of speaking in public, because you get the feeling of speaking in public, because you're on stage and you can see people raising their hands and you're literally at a desk like it's a morning show, but nobody knows what you look like.

Alan Lazaros:

You could literally be sweating through your clothes and it wouldn't matter was it a speech where you were speaking to the audience, or was it a?

Kevin Palmieri:

it was an interview where I was also trying to do a really good job of getting the audience involved, including the audience.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, nice.

Kevin Palmieri:

So I would turn when I was answering because there was no mic. The headset has the mic, so you can just kind of do whatever you want. Super weird.

Kevin Palmieri:

How was the audio quality Decent Not this, not this quality, but decent, better than I expected. Honestly, yeah, it was better than I expected. So that I expected honestly, yeah, it was better than I expected. That's my so that was my thought that I brought to Alan today. I said it was.

Kevin Palmieri:

It was a really interesting in between between a podcast episode and a speech. I was way more nervous than I ever would be for a podcast episode, but I was way less nervous than I ever have been for a live speaking event. I said there's something to that. And then Alan said, well, what's the difference between? Or? He said it would be really easy to use that as a crutch and I said, yeah, that's fair, but in my mind that could be a potential trampoline for somebody who is nervous about it.

Kevin Palmieri:

You get your feet wet, you jump, you realize, oh wow, that went really good, or it went way better than I thought. Then maybe you do more of those in front of a bigger audience good, or it went way better than I thought. Then maybe you do more of those in front of a bigger audience and then eventually you take the headset off and you go do it in real life. That could be the trampoline that gives you the jump that you need. But yeah, it was just a very interesting experience, for sure, and a lot of lessons from it as well my curiosity is driving right now.

Alan Lazaros:

How did you walk? You were sitting when you did this hold on.

Kevin Palmieri:

I have my pajamas on, so don't look at my arse. Hold on, hold on. I'm sorry for anybody listening, which is the vast majority of our audience. My apologies. You have these little joysticks, oh nice and uh, yeah, let's like just so.

Alan Lazaros:

You were seated the whole time, but you can walk around with the joysticks. Yep, yep Very cool.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, I could have just told you that instead of getting them out of the box, but I you know. I got showing a little show and tell, yeah, I'm going to have my, my father's going to come in next.

Alan Lazaros:

Uh, we'll talk we'll talk about what he does for a living. I'm going to find out at as the audience does. That's a yeah, dark joke. So dark jokes from kevin today. Okay, whenever there's a new technology introduced to the market, there is implications of said technology. If anyone has ever seen the movie wally, it is very concerning where humanity could be heading and, essentially, what are the implications of this new tech? You can sit in the comfort of your home and join a metaverse with 8 billion potential other people, in this case, 6 billion, because 2 billion don't have internet yet, although I do think that's changing rapidly with satellite wi-fi. Okay, tool versus crutch, or, in your case, trampoline versus crutch. Trampoline is hey, I'm going to use this to get better at speaking and I'm going to practice in front of a fake audience, similar to a video game.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm going to practice against the computer or the cpu no, it's a real audience no, I know that, I know, I know it was a real audience with what you did. I'm saying if I got you Okay, I had someone come to me years ago. She said I suck at speaking, I'm the fucking worst at speaking Very positive self-talk.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, no, not great, but I agree with her. She was bad. And she said help me, can you please help me? I need, I want to be a better speaker. I said, of course, let's rock and roll. I told her what you tell your clients speak in front of your story, but first you got to speak in front of your phone without posting it.

Alan Lazaros:

So the staircase that you have to create is okay, I'm going to take a video of myself and I'm not going to post it, but I'm going to pretend that I'm going to post it. Boom, then you don't post it. Okay, Awesome, practice that for a couple of weeks. Then you're going to take a one minute video and you're going to post it on just your story, not your feed, just your story. And maybe pick Instagram where you have not friends and family Okay, mostly just friends, not family. Whoever you're most afraid of their judgment, don't post it there.

Alan Lazaros:

Or maybe even a better intermediate step is take a minute and a half long video trying to talk about a lesson in a story and send it to me, and I'll keep it private. Okay, a little more outside your comfort zone, a little more outside your comfort zone, a little more outside your comfort zone and then, okay, do story. Okay, now post it on your feed. Okay, now post it on Instagram, facebook and LinkedIn. Okay, now post it on TikTok too and start a YouTube channel.

Alan Lazaros:

This person now has a YouTube channel and all those years ago, when she came to me saying I suck at speaking, I want to get better at speaking, she's become significantly better. I'm talking, yeah, probably a hundred times better, if not a thousand times better, way more confident, way more articulate, way more powerful pauses, much less filler words, much more able to conceptualize and communicate her thoughts. It's unreal what can happen. So the metaverse thing let's say person a, person b, we'll talk about tool. We'll talk about trampoline versus crutch. One of the scary things about the metaverse is that you might use that as a crutch and and kevin has talked to me a little bit about behind the scenes, how he didn't want to leave- it was awesome.

Kevin Palmieri:

First thing I thought was porn would be incredible. I mean, I can only imagine how awesome that would be. No, I'm not going to do it and I didn't do it, but there's, yeah, I mean there's. So Brian, the gentleman who had me on, was like hey, let me take you to the ESPN world. And I was like I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but let's go, I love sports. And there was like a home run derby you could play. That was kind of like. It was like Wii a little bit. It was like Wii home run derby a little bit. But then we went to this stadium. He's like yeah, they have live events in here. I like live events in here. I was like I don't how.

Alan Lazaros:

What do you mean? What do you mean? They yeah?

Kevin Palmieri:

like who does and how? How could it possibly be here?

Alan Lazaros:

And he's like well, you just go, it all exists on a server.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, you go find a seat and then it broadcasts whatever the live game is through your headset and it's essentially like you're there on the sidelines and I was like what he's like? Yeah, they have ufc. I was like what? And I? I literally messaged brian today and said, hey, do you want me to send this to alan? You're gonna have alan on right. I'm waiting for his response. There's ufc on tomorrow night. I might ask him how to do that to see what it's like. But but to alan's point, yeah, there's. I mean, there's a lot of implications. It was a really cool experience. And here's the thing you can kind of be whoever you want in the virtual world.

Alan Lazaros:

You can be six feet tall, you can be thinner or more muscular, you can be with or without tattoos. It's just a little bit. Kevin and I have talked in the past how Kev doesn't edit any of his photos and the reason why is he doesn't want to use that as a crutch. He wants to make sure that and he's told stories in the past. I'll let you share if you want. But how? With dating apps, you would always say hey, by the way, I'm short.

Kevin Palmieri:

That was one of the first things I would say.

Alan Lazaros:

Because you don't want to be a disappointment when you show up. I would say, because you don't want to be a disappointment when you show up.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think that's also why you're always on time more for me. I think that was. It's not that I didn't want to be a disappointment, I didn't want to get embarrassed if somebody was disappointed and then they like made up an excuse and left. I don't think it would have hurt me, but it was more if somebody was just gonna outright be like oh yeah, okay. So I figured you never have to say sorry you never have to say I literally can't even help it.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's. I was trying to prevent myself from just getting hey, has that ever happened?

Alan Lazaros:

the one time that you imagine you get to a blind date, that's.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's never happened but it happened when I was at. I was at a party with alan and there was there was a young lady that I was courting and again, I probably wasn't doing it in the best, most respectful way. I was under the influence and it was something along the lines of that, like you're way too short for us.

Alan Lazaros:

I was like okay, I mean, you probably could have said it.

Kevin Palmieri:

And then I egoed up and I was like do you have any fucking clue how much money I make? Do you even know who you're talking to? Now again, in retrospect, would I have done it that way? No, but that's the response of a secure man. Well, the truth of the matter is I'd rather that, for me, was digging back, instead of saying something rude about them.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

Because I could have pulled something from my butt and said okay, yeah, well, I don't date ugly girls. Yeah, I could easily say that or something like that. Well, that wasn't your tune. I'm too short for you, you're too busted for me.

Alan Lazaros:

That's two wrongs. Do make a right in Kevin's world. But I didn't want to do that.

Kevin Palmieri:

But yeah, that is a case of that actually happened in real life. It was devastating. And then I woke up the next day. I slept in a tent. I slept in a tent. There was a thunderstorm. Just imagine me Woke up at like Five in the morning Because I had to Go to work somewhere.

Alan Lazaros:

I was at this party. You were at this party. Yeah, I was at this party. We were Swimming at three am. Having been drunk, yes, I think you were Definitely more drunk Than I was.

Kevin Palmieri:

Of course I was, and I was Packing up my tent In a thunderstorm in the morning just hung over his shit, just by myself. No, I was the only person awake. It was terrible.

Alan Lazaros:

It was a terrible night, absolutely terrible, and by morning you mean three hours after we were swimming. Yeah, pretty much, pretty much, yeah, all right. So to bring this back, there's someone from Kevin and I's high school who posted today a new profile picture that was AI created. She looks nothing like that. I don't know who this is, so I will have to look at it. Kevin, this person has done this before.

Kevin Palmieri:

Okay.

Alan Lazaros:

I'll give another example. So there's someone on Facebook that I am friends with and you know how everyone for a while there they did the. This is how I would have looked if I went back to high school AI thingy or whatever that is. And the. This is how I would have looked if if I went back to high school ai thingy or whatever that is. And then I there's a person who literally uses that as their profile picture and it's an ai generated photo. She looks like a supermodel. Her, her boobs in the photo are bigger, her nose is everything. Everything's done up and the.

Alan Lazaros:

The scary part about that is that when your virtual world and your social world become more important than your real world, that's an outside-in approach to success and fulfillment rather than an inside-out approach, and I think all of us, myself included, are guilty of this. There was a time in my life where I was portraying happiness like I was confident and happy and fulfilled, when in reality I was hammering nips in the parking lot, wildly unfulfilled and didn't want to go in and celebrate. But I just said screw it, I'm going to drink these down, I'm going to get blasted and I'm going to go be the life of this fucking party and then I'm going to go home and hate my fucking life again. Obviously, that last part was playfully joking, but also true. And that was a very short time. I was very nihilistic and hopeless and helpless and I hated my fucking life. I did. It was bad. Luckily, I climbed out of that and I'm now much less nihilistic and much more hopeful and much more internally fulfilled. But Kevin and I quarter-life crises in our mid-20s. We realized that outside-in is the fucking worst idea ever and we're going to start building ourselves from the inside out.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, what do I tie my self-esteem to?

Alan Lazaros:

What do I tie my self-worth to?

Alan Lazaros:

And the reason why the metaverse is scary is because I think some people will use it as a social, a way to make their virtual life better than their real life.

Alan Lazaros:

And the last piece before I let Kev talk again promise is the best metaphor I've ever come up with for this is, I would say, 99% of weddings the actual wedding. The photographs of the wedding look gorgeous, but not 99% of marriages are wonderful. When you focus more on the marriage and the intimate relationship than you do on the instagram photos, you're most likely going to be much more successful and fulfilled long term than if you're constantly looking at who has a better profile picture and creating ai images of yourself rather than your true self-worth and self-belief. So, kevin and I are not trying to be negative or unkind, but you can use the metaverse or these techniques of the staircase like the person who struggled with effective communication and speaking and have it build yourself up, or you can use it as a way to cope with not liking your real life and I think that long term, that's potentially very detrimental well it's.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's kind of like for the first time you're able to choose what world you want to live in I mean outside of video game and the internet did this for a while and it still does, but it's kind of a different way now because everybody's kind of caught up to it. So every time you get the opportunity to live in a new world, you choose a new version of yourself for that world. And I can imagine because, again, I've played a lot of sports video games in my life. I don't play anymore, but I used to play football games and the fighting games and boxing games and baseball games I always would make my dude short and jacked, always. I never made him tall, ever. It just didn't. It seemed dumb as hell, like what do we do? That's not even what I look like, so I would make him 5'5", 5'6".

Alan Lazaros:

Why.

Kevin Palmieri:

Because that's who I am.

Alan Lazaros:

You don't want to create delusion. Yeah, would you say that's a through line in your life is you just don't want to get delusional? I yeah, Would you say that's a?

Kevin Palmieri:

through line in your life is you just don't want to get delusional.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't think it's always been, but now I think so. When, in hindsight, were you the most delusional, the least tethered to reality, when you first started working with me?

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, today, right, this second I don't know. It's a good question.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't know that's a good question. I don't know what is the reason. When I was younger, I was a really really I've talked about this before really unpopular in the beginning of high school, I think. At the tail end things turned around. I was friends with some of the the football players and stuff like that, uh but in the beginning I was absolute, fucking loser I don't know why I'm swearing so much but he's back in high school.

Alan Lazaros:

That's why yeah, you know a little reversion today and but I was really, really, really good at a video game at the time called halo 2, and when I say really good, I'm I'm talking. Bungienet was the ranking. I was 20th on planet earth and this was the most popular video game at the time for any xbox game the most popular xbox game on planet earth. I was 20th in the in the world at.

Alan Lazaros:

I've made thousands of dollars at tournaments playing this game with decent numbers with decent yeah um, but my point is is that in uxbridge there was a clan called UXK Uxbridge Knockouts in this virtual world of Halo 2. And some of the more popular kids from the grade above us were really pumped to have me on their team because I got us a really high ranking it was 3v3 back then and they weren't very good, but I'm good enough to carry the whole team. Honestly. That point, um. So you'd level up next level, you, you'd level up and I felt so popular and sought after in the virtual game and anyone who knew halo. I was like the man amongst the nerdy halo crew. I was like so popular, the most popular ever. But then in real life I'd be in the cafeteria and if you don't play halo 2, I'm, I'm a nobody and that used to fuck with me.

Alan Lazaros:

I've never told this story, kev, but I went to major league gaming event, uh, in in providence when I was in college because I played with a man named strong side and for anyone who knows halo 2, they they would know this, but no one does so. Okay, his name was Strongside. He was on the best team in the world Final Boss, the Ogres, ogre 1 and Ogre 2. So anyone who knows, halo would know this, but anyone who doesn't won't. All right.

Kevin Palmieri:

I just like how you keep saying that I have to.

Alan Lazaros:

All right, so this worlds.

Kevin Palmieri:

Alan gets a little. I think Alan gets a little insecure in times like this because you're talking about how good you were at something. So if there's any weird energy, that's why. But Alan's world class at video games. I played with him one time and I was like oh shit, yeah, you weren't kidding, you're really good at this. You're way better than I am. And then I was like all right, dude, real talk, I gotta stop, because I'm gonna get addicted like, okay, cool, it's been fun.

Alan Lazaros:

I said that yes yeah, yeah, I would have gotten addicted for sure. Yeah, nlu, listener, what is happening? I just wanted to jump in here and let you know if you want to get to the next level faster. We have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first thursday of every month. You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. The link to register will be in the show notes.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay so I dial everything up to 11. Okay so Halo 2 Major League Gaming is the company and StrongSide was on my team. I kicked him off. He kept taking the sniper rifle. He wasn't nearly as good as me, whatever Doesn't matter. I had one of the top team deathmatches teams in the world. He did too. He went on the best team.

Alan Lazaros:

I got a girlfriend and went to college. Huge mistake, apparently I'm joking, but seriously, I stopped playing and I went to school. I went to WPI school. I went to WPI. He, I kid you not, sophomore year of college. I am struggle bussing dude. I'm not happy. This is a tough time in my life. And we go to Major League Gaming Providence. And I kid you not, kev, put yourself into young Allen's shoes.

Alan Lazaros:

This dude is sitting at a table signing autographs. The line is out the effing door dude, I'm not kidding. And there's these dr pepper girls that are in these skimpy bikinis and they're the hottest thing ever and this dude is signing autographs out the door and I'm drunk at this event. Okay, I took six shots before I walked in there and I'm unhappy and unfulfilled. I'm'm doing well in college, but I'm definitely not reaching my potential and I wasn't. I could have. I was better than this guy at this game, right?

Alan Lazaros:

So, anyways, that was a really, really humble moment for me. That was a hard night for me and I decided after that night that I was going to make something of myself. I actually started lifting weights after that. My junior year was way better Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. So those humble pie moments are like this dude's a multimillionaire, he's sponsored, he's got, he's cited autographs, he's got the hottest girls around him and I'm over here just feeling like a loser and I started playing the long game after that and and now it's a really cool life that I live and all this stuff. But for anyone out there, if you're really successful in a virtual world or maybe on social media, but yet in your real life you don't feel good about yourself. That is something to check in on.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, even this right, imagine if the second, this podcast episode, ends. You and I are just miserable. That's not sustainable. It's just not sustainable. No, it's not. So be very careful where you're building the most. And again, it was a super cool experience. I enjoyed it. I told Alan I was like I need one of these things. I would love to watch UFC on this. I'm so curious to what that's like. And I also said I didn't want to leave. It was a really cool experience.

Kevin Palmieri:

I mean, I was somebody different in there than I am in real life Not really because I was there to speak and be a podcaster, which is great, but I can imagine what that could do to you. I can imagine what that could do to you. I can imagine what that could do to your head. I imagine what that could do to everything. If you feel more comfortable and you feel more confident in a virtual world I mean, just imagine how that's going to play you're not going to want to be in the regular world. You're going to get more insecure because you're always going to be thinking about well, I don't have it. I don't have it here like I do there, and I think that is a recipe for a long-term disaster. And I'm willing to bet that mental health will continue to. Mental health struggling will continue to increase as virtual reality gets more popular, because social media is already messing with our heads. This is different.

Alan Lazaros:

It is messing with our heads. That is happening whether we like it or not. This person that I'm referring to from high school was popular in high school and she did look really good in high school. She doesn't look. She just posted a profile photo that looks like she is a supermodel and it's not real and I I I say this with empathy because I would be willing to bet, having coached so many people behind the scenes, including an actual supermodel most likely that is out of insecurity, because if she loved how she looks now, she'd probably post a photo of her now and again, I'm not making it wrong because I think we've all been there.

Alan Lazaros:

I obviously told you some stories about my own insecurities in the past, but at the end of the day, me posting a photograph I actually just went back and I put on my Instagram story a bunch of modeling photos from back when I was a model and back when I was doing fitness competitions and I I don't look like that now and I posted that and it was kind of throwback to the modeling days and that kind of thing and it it definitely motivates the hell out of me because it's I don't like not getting better, but I'm not putting that as my profile picture.

Alan Lazaros:

I put that saying hey, throwback, as I just need to be clear in my own consciousness that that was the past, that is not the now, and I think a lot of people would be tempted to put a profile photo like of that, because that was me looking physically, my best from the outside in. So be your best from the inside out and then from the outside in you'll also look good. Versus trying to look good from the outside in can be very dangerous and that's again we talk about that a lot. Next level you from the inside out.

Alan Lazaros:

I think that's really, uh, core principle that we have I agree, and you try really hard not to be delusional and I I respect that a lot about you and I think that you you are really good at making sure that you don't fall for what you've done in the past, which is trying to look like a badass on the outside but not feeling like a badass on the inside.

Kevin Palmieri:

I appreciate that. I appreciate that very much. I posted a story photo today of me flexing. I posted two fitness pics One I look really good, Good lighting, no filters, good lighting and the other one I think I look okay, but I'm not in nearly as good a shape as I used to be and I know that when I put that picture up Like I could have done a lot of stuff, I could have changed the color, I could have done a lot of stuff it was like, ah, this is the way I look, it is what it is. And then the thing is like who's going to say something? I would expect the only person that would really reach out to me and say something is somebody who's in better shape than I am.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, back in the day you used to sort of portray yourself as a badass.

Kevin Palmieri:

I was a badass. How dare you?

Alan Lazaros:

Fair? No, badass, how dare you fair? No, I wasn't okay, but internally you didn't have confidence. Yeah, right, so you were portraying confidence when you weren't confident. Real quick, before we transition to the next episode. What do you understand? What's your perspective on that now? I guess because if I could go back, I would say alan, it's awesome that you're good at halo, and that's great, and competitive gaming. Keep that's great, but that's not going to fulfill you in the real world, because when, when that console goes off, you're going to need to still have a life in the real world too. And, and if you work on your life in the real world, you'll also be good at halo. But it can't be the other way around.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, I, I now think of it kind of like a sitcom. When you're watching a sitcom, they always show the person walking in the door. They're leaving the outside world and coming into their home, and I think of it that way. When this camera shuts off, when the mic shut off, when Taryn gets home, when I'm by myself, that's the real. I mean, that's when I have to be really comfortable with myself. That's the vast majority of the time. Also, it just it just doesn't seem like it. If you listen to this podcast cause it's the only time you see us that, yeah, it, there is a level of certainty that behind the scenes, if you have it, it almost makes everything else. It's like the opposite. If, behind the scenes, you're super certain and you have a lot of confidence and you feel confident in who you are and you have certainty in who you are, you don't really care that much about the external stuff. Yeah, like I can put that picture up because I'm not really worried about it. I'm good with who I am. I feel like I'm a good man, I'm heart driven, I'm character driven, morals, ethics, awesome. If somebody wants to say, kev, you got a little back fat, it's like yeah, I know I'm not there yet, I'm not there yet, but if I felt, okay, it's this. It's almost like you control the place that you have the least certainty in. I don't have to control what I post on social media because I don't really care that much.

Kevin Palmieri:

I've had this fucking rash on my face. I don't know. You can't really see it right now. It's been like two months. I thought that shit would go away by now. I put Selsun Blue on it. I try to burn it off. I don't know what the hell's going on. So I gotta go to the dermatologist, dermatologist.

Kevin Palmieri:

I have a video presentation I have to create as a. I guess it's kind of like an application to get on a podcast. I haven't done that yet because I don't want to have this, but it's not like I'm skipping episodes or wearing a mask. There are certain things that it's like what am I going to skip an episode because I've got something on my face? No, am I going to cover it up? No, are there things that I won't do? Yeah, if Taryn said, hey, we should go do a photo shoot, I'd probably say why don't we wait until I get this thing taken care of? Just because it doesn't make sense, but I'm not. It's not because I'm insecure, it's because it I think some things are just logical.

Kevin Palmieri:

So I think wherever you feel like you have the least control, you're most likely going to feel like you have to control the most, and I think for a lot of us, that's why we put up our wedding pictures as our profile pictures. That's when we had the most control. We had hair done and makeup done or whatever right or AI. You have all the control. You can make it look however you want, and that that is a very, very scary thing. So, again, very similar to Alan, I have empathy for this because it's so easy to do that. And if, if I let's say I didn't know Alan and I hadn't seen you in 10 years and you threw up an AI photo of yourself and I wasn't as in tune with stuff as I am, I might think that's what you actually look like and I might say shit, good for you, man not even an AI photo, but the photos I posted of the modeling shoots.

Alan Lazaros:

Those look good yeah but, you might think that's what I look like now. I would think you look like that now.

Kevin Palmieri:

I messaged somebody the other day. What would be the benefit of that?

Alan Lazaros:

there's no utility in the real world for that the social status thing it would just be a social status thingy.

Kevin Palmieri:

You're never going to see that person in real life, so they'll never really know. They're not. Let's say, you never post videos, so I don't know what you look like. You're in complete control of what photos you post. You may never, ever, post a picture again. That isn't of some kind.

Alan Lazaros:

But now I'm trapped. Now I have to look over. Now I have to try to look good every time I leave the house. Now I have to.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't know, it traps you, I think, emotionally in a way. I a way I had something else I wanted to share about this that I thought was really powerful, but I think I think it'll either come to me or we'll go. Social world and real world I've been talking a lot about that. It is very clear to me at this stage that the social world and the real world are two different things and we have to live in both. We do, yeah, and then you're okay, when kevin and I this is what I found it, and we'll go I posted a photograph of kevin and I at a halloween party. Do you remember what year that was? That was a while ago. This was 2013, I think, because I had a. I had started a company called Campus Libre with three other people at my school my college and I went back to my hometown and Kevin was at a—you were a genie. You were a jacked genie.

Kevin Palmieri:

You had like the— yeah, yeah, yeah so I posted this photograph.

Alan Lazaros:

It's Kevin and I. I was a Backstreet Boy, I was Nick Carter, and Kevin was a genie in a lamp. Well, it didn't require a shirt, so I was like that's the one that's the one, and you and I probably both back then were less secure than we are now for sure for sure, but you, I would never know that you acted so secure.

Kevin Palmieri:

You looked jacked.

Alan Lazaros:

You said I don't know what Campus Libre is, but I like it and that was the first time you had been nice to me in a long time, so I was pumped about it Because Kevin wasn't a fan of me in high school and both of us were wildly more insecure back then than we are now. But you wouldn't know it from the outside in and I think that that's really important. People are not as secure as you think they are. Some of the people that are acting the most confident are actually the least confident, not always, but a lot of the time. Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, and we've. We've known him, we've met him, we've been behind the scenes with him and again, I don't mean it from a place of judging someone else. I just think it's important to have the real truth.

Alan Lazaros:

What did you think about my confidence back then?

Kevin Palmieri:

Oh, I thought you were the most confident.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, I thought you were the most confident.

Kevin Palmieri:

I was drunk. I am confident when I'm drunk. I am super confident when I'm drunk.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, because I'm not thinking about anything, but I wouldn't have known that. That was when you were drunk. You see how the outside looking in is always, so Don't compare your real life to someone else's?

Kevin Palmieri:

You weren't supposed to. That's the thing. You weren't supposed to question it. I didn't want anybody to question it. I wanted you to think I was confident that was my Well it worked. That was my way to belong. The way to. I didn't feel good about myself in real life. The last thing I want to do is feel shitty about myself at a party too. I'm going to the party to have fun. Let me pretend I'm something. I'm not. But yeah, you and I connected. We reconnected that day.

Alan Lazaros:

We did the rest is history. That was the first time since middle school, I think.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, we were partying. Yeah, we were, we were partying.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, we were. We were partying hard, little Captain Morgan.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, I don't know, bud Light, I think Maybe Budweiser. I don't know what I was drinking at that point. But yeah, wild times, all right, here's the takeaway. We're going to do a takeaway. We're going to try to do takeaways for every episode. Next time you find yourself really, really, really trying to be in control of some sort of situation that directly affects your perception. Let's say, you take a bunch of pictures and none of them work for social media.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's like ah, that ain't it, that ain't it, that ain't it. I challenge you to fucking post one.

Kevin Palmieri:

Put it on your story. Put it on your story. You don't have to make it your profile picture, but I just I think it'll be beneficial I do. One of the reasons again, I'm not saying this is what anybody wants, but one of the reasons Alan and I I'll speak for myself I'm able to show up here, oftentimes looking not great, like shit, right, it depends on.

Kevin Palmieri:

Sometimes I wear the same shirt for five episodes in a row because we record a bunch. I get a growth on my face. My facial hair is all over the place. I don't even think about it anymore, probably to a detriment. I could look better. I haven't got a haircut in. Oh my God, just so long. I don't even know how long it's been. So long I need a haircut. The problem is I don't care enough to go do it. That's literally my, that's my problem, and I've been on camera 3,000 times. So every time it's been a little bit of exposure therapy, a little bit, a little bit. Oh, I have a big zit. What am I going to? Cancel my day? I can't, I can't do that. I can't just cancel five interviews because I have a zit on my nose. That's helped. It's helped me. That exposure therapy has helped me. I know I I'm not in that much control and I'm okay with it, so I think that's a little 1% improvement for all of us.

Alan Lazaros:

Nice. My takeaway is the social world and the real world matter. Both of them matter, but the real world matters more. Kev, are you playing virtual world stuff? I?

Kevin Palmieri:

was playing virtual world stuff, but I don't want to take away from your seriousness. It's all good.

Alan Lazaros:

He was playing with his metaverse sticks, it's not mine. The real world inside out. Real world first, social world second. If your real world is great, it will ripple out into the social world. Doesn't necessarily work the other way around.

Kevin Palmieri:

Unfortunately not Alright. Next level nation. If you are listening to this, on the day at launch, that is Saturday, this Thursday we have a meetup. So every single month we do a free monthly meetup. What are we doing this month?

Alan Lazaros:

Time management.

Kevin Palmieri:

Time management Very sexy, very sexy topic.

Alan Lazaros:

Let me get you the exact title here.

Kevin Palmieri:

But oftentimes those are the most valuable ones.

Alan Lazaros:

I very sexy. Let me get you the exact title here, but oftentimes those are the most valuable ones. I had a ex, a past client of mine, reach out. It's been a while come party and he said hey, can I come to the meetup? Absolutely, shout out to you, you know who you are.

Kevin Palmieri:

How to more effectively manage your time okay number 39, kevin, and I improve these every month. That is on Thursday. What's the date?

Alan Lazaros:

6th Next to Thursday the 6th.

Kevin Palmieri:

It'll be this Thursday, if you're listening. Yes, this coming Thursday. Yeah, just drop it on Saturday. Yep, okay.

Alan Lazaros:

March 6th, from 5 to 6 pm. How to more effectively manage your time Perfect.

Kevin Palmieri:

Totally free Link will be in. The Link to the website will be in the show notes. You can go, you can register, it'll send you the link. All that happy jazz. And if you have not yet, I use my dreamliner today. If you have not yet gotten your dreamliner, make sure you head on over to Amazon. We'll have the link in the show notes. Because little journals, just a little bit of journaling every day. You don't have to do 45 minutes of journaling. What is the old saying? An apple a day is better than 7 on Sunday. I think journaling is the same thing. A little bit, just a little bit. 15 minutes a day. Not even it probably took me 7 minutes today. Alan likes to write a lot more, so it takes a little bit of time, but 7 minutes a day, you can do that. You've got 7 minutes. Alright, as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros:

Stay Next Level, next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros:

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host