Next Level University

How Many Of Your Barriers Are Self-Created (2030)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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What if the biggest thing holding you back is actually you? In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan talk about the invisible barriers we often build around ourselves—especially those made from fear, doubt, and what we think others expect. They share personal stories, why therapy matters (especially for men), and how true change starts with taking responsibility. If you're feeling stuck, discouraged, or just need a reminder that you're not alone, this one's for you.

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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(4:50) Emotional maturity and relationship growth
(6:08) Toxic views on men and feelings
(9:01) Permission to struggle and grow
(10:12) Struggle and success go together
(11:43) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(13:14) Who really believed in you first?
(20:02) Responsibility and the power of ownership
(21:59) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

One of the hardest things for me to admit, especially in the past, was so many of the boundaries that I had in my life were the boundaries that I had created. Now, yes, there are some circumstantial boundaries, for sure, but most of mine were based on the fact that I didn't believe in myself, I didn't take chances and I assumed I would never be successful, and, putting those boundaries up, quite literally determined that all of those things would come true.

Alan Lazaros:

I think you either have too few boundaries or too many. Kev had a slide at a live event years ago where it's a person in the center, him and a fence around it, and on the outside of the fence was just fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. That's why I think courage is so important, because outside of that fence is opportunity, but if you're too scared to go for it, it's going to be a real problem.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros:

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri:

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation today for episode number 2030, 2030. And I still am all. If you listened to yesterday's episode, you know I didn't know what episode it was. I'm all over the place. So I think this is right. Today, how many of your boundaries are self-created?

Kevin Palmieri:

So we did something very unique. Right before this, we had our monthly meetup. I believe it was month number 40. I think it was number 40. Is that correct? 40. Believe it was month number 40. I think it was number 40. Is that correct? 40. And this month, since the meetup is falling two days before Next Level Live, we did kind of like a Next Level Live warmup. So we didn't really talk about the meetup a ton on here. We didn't really send emails or anything. It was more anybody who is coming to Next Level Live 2025 who wants to have a little warmup. That's what we're going to do for the meetup and shout out to Mike.

Kevin Palmieri:

Somebody in the group named Mike said something very powerful and he was talking about how, particularly for men, therapy seems like something that is very boundaried. It's a high boundary, there's a high barrier to getting into it. As somebody who has gone to therapy myself, you continue to go to therapy today. I think so many of the boundaries and I don't want to say stigma, because the stigma is definitely there, I'll leave it at that so many of the boundaries that I had for therapy were my own boundary, they were my own creation.

Alan Lazaros:

Are we using?

Kevin Palmieri:

boundary instead of barrier Barrier boundary.

Alan Lazaros:

They were my own creation. Are we using boundary instead of barrier, barrier, boundary? Because boundaries are a good thing.

Kevin Palmieri:

I can fuck up two episodes in a row. It's not the end of the world.

Alan Lazaros:

Kev Barrier, limitations and barriers, boundaries. This whole time I'm sitting there going. Wait a minute. Boundaries are a good thing. Not having boundaries means, you let people walk all over you.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, I was thinking how many boundaries keep people out, but they also keep you from expanding.

Alan Lazaros:

Do you think barrier to entry would be better? Oh yeah, 100%. Yeah, of course 100%.

Kevin Palmieri:

but I had to fight for my right to party. Of course, obviously so. Today's episode is actually going to be called how Many of your Barriers Are Self-Created? My right to party, of course, obviously so. Today's episode is actually going to be called how many of your barriers are self-greed? But we're going to keep running it because, again, how many credits can I take in one week?

Alan Lazaros:

well, there you go, there you go right. Messy, massive action. Okay. So the barrier to entry for men for getting a therapist is very high. I did relationship talks, coaching, with a couple four years ago yeah, four years ago and the man in the relationship definitely I don't want to say needed therapy would benefit from would benefit from therapy, everyone would benefit from therapy. The question is, to what extent and how much do you have the right therapist? Is it the right modality IFS, cbt, all this different stuff. So when Emilia suggested therapy to me, she suggested a modality called internal family systems and my therapist named Carol. It's been tremendous. Highly recommend internal family systems and or CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. Again, kevin and I are coaches, not therapists, but it's powerful. Both are powerful.

Alan Lazaros:

This client we coached the couple and the female in the relationship was far more emotionally mature. She understood her emotions, she understood her triggers, she understood her shame, she understood how to handle the storms of her own hormones and her challenges. And the male in the relationship had a really hard time with self-awareness and with emotional regulation and the ability to kind of understand what the hell's going on when he's triggered, and so he would shut down and this whole thing, and so he would shut down and this whole thing. And I think that that's really the problem here. Men get shamed for being emotional. Men get shamed for and I've used this reference many times I think that one of the reasons why women mature faster than men is self-reflection through having a diary. I am convinced of that. I had a client reach out with a journal entry earlier. She's a female and I said it on the last episode that we recorded earlier today. I'm pretty sure I read the journal entry. Was that yesterday or?

Kevin Palmieri:

I on it, dude, I can't even get the fucking names right. I think I remember what episode it was, you know all right, no stress.

Alan Lazaros:

But we journal every day and we haven't been. I've been screwing up on my Dreamliner.

Kevin Palmieri:

I am stressed, I need you to know I am. I am stressed that I can't figure out what episode is what.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, we're powering through. So we have the Next Level Dreamliner and Kevin and I both have one. We haven't been using it lately because we are just being inconsistent and overwhelmed right now, but I intend on, after this live event, getting back to it right there. Next Level Dreamliner. My point of this is that that's a journal. That's like having a diary and the barrier to entry for men with therapy. We talked about the enculturation of men with feelings and you're soft if you have feelings, all this stuff, and one person on the meetup actually ended up having tears fly and I think that's really beautiful thing. So men crying is quote unquote soft. Or men having a therapist people look at you differently and I do remember having a little bit of whatever that is. When I first started saying I have a therapist, I had a little bit of. Is that? Are people going to think I'm soft? And the truth is some people will.

Kevin Palmieri:

What do you think now?

Alan Lazaros:

I think some people. Okay, I'll share this. I think this is very relevant. My favorite movie is the Lion King. I know for a fact that's going to come off soft to people. I have a therapist. Okay, I know in my real life that I'm not soft. I know that in my real life I'm actually stronger than I've ever been. But in the social world, for sure, for sure, that's going to come off as seriously. Your favorite movie is the lion king and you have a therapist.

Alan Lazaros:

That is happening, but with people that obviously are ignorant and that's okay, and I think that I have to. There's a big difference between saying, oh no, having a therapist is is not soft at all, and no one thinks that that's ignorant. People do think that, for sure, and you have to accept that. I think there's strength in accepting what is. I don't like this delusional. No, people don't dislike you. They do, and that's okay and I want to accept it. I think there's strength and power in accepting the truth for what it is and then working with it instead of pretending it doesn't exist I'm super excited to get a therapist and I'm super excited to talk about it.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think I'm just weird when it comes to that, but I don't come at me, bro. What do you mean by definition? It's hard to do If you do it that makes you strong, not weak. I think when you run away from your feelings you're weak, not when you run towards them. But again, I understand. That's not maybe the the common that's not the majority.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't know, no, but I think it could be.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think it could be. I think we can get to a place where, look, if you came to me and you're like, yeah, man, I'm so excited I got a therapist, and I immediately knocked you down like that, that perpetuates the problem. But I love that you have a therapist. I'm super excited to get a therapist.

Alan Lazaros:

You know how. You said to me early on that I give people permission to dream.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yes.

Alan Lazaros:

I feel like you give people permission to struggle.

Kevin Palmieri:

I appreciate that.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, it's an interesting combo you and I have, where I give people permission to dream, because I believe in possibilities and potential and human potential and I believe in people so much, and in order to succeed, you basically have to struggle a lot, and so you need both. We said this at the meetup right before this, 20 minutes minutes ago Well, an hour and 20 minutes ago, because the meetup was an hour. But I opened with there's a new person in our community who's never been to anything NLU before. Shout out to you if you're listening, because that's where she came from the podcast and I said you came at an interesting time. But I want you to know here is not. This is not recorded. This is private. We're going to talk about what's real and it's okay to succeed and celebrate. Here. I post, I pulled up a photo of kev looking jacked. It's, it's awesome. We celebrate success here. We celebrate achievements. Here. I have my bodybuilding trophies behind me. Achievement is a great thing. Success is a great thing here, but so is struggle. Success and struggle.

Kevin Palmieri:

They don't they go hand in hand and I think most communities celebrate one, not the other well, I think, I think, when people get to a certain level of success, they, I think they lose empathy for the struggle at the beginning. I really do, I wholeheartedly believe that yeah or it's just I'm guilty of that for sure. Less now than ever.

Alan Lazaros:

I would agree.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, less now than ever, but that's why this episode, it easily could be named. All of your barriers are self-created. That's not true. I don't believe that.

Alan Lazaros:

Now can we.

Kevin Palmieri:

Are there layers of like well, you're 80 and you didn't take care of yourself, and now you can't walk up the stairs, and now, yeah, I guess you can do that, right, you?

Alan Lazaros:

could.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's both. It's both the reason I wanted to do this episode number one. This is what I wanted to talk about. I named it incorrectly based on just it's been mayhem, but I say this all the time. I had a ton of people that believed in me when I was young. I never had anybody tell me, like, don't do that. My mom was fully supportive that I didn't want to go to college. My mom was fully supportive that I wanted to be a professional fighter. Even though she didn't like it, she was fully supportive of that. Most of the dead ends that I found myself in were my own doing. They were of my own doing. They were of my own doing. They were of my own ignorance. They were the lack of awareness. It was a lack of belief. It was a lack of quality decisions. I'm not saying that's everybody's experience.

Alan Lazaros:

Hello, hello, hello. Nlu listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to Next Level University. Real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think it was very important for me to own that, and I try to say that all the time. I know my story is didn't have a lot of opportunity, somehow became successful and then somehow not somehow then ended up trading all that in to do this. Yes, but the thing that I want to make sure that always gets recorded and understood is I was the barrier to most of my success, and when I started working on that, that's when things started to work better and I just I think that's really, really important for me. If I don't get a therapist, it has nothing to do with the social judgment, it would be a self. This would be my own barrier. If I don't get a therapist, it has nothing to do with that.

Alan Lazaros:

This came up for me and this is a podcast where we really care a lot about self-awareness. So everyone out there watching or listening ask yourself this Kev felt like people believed in himself. No, people believed in him more than he believed in himself.

Alan Lazaros:

for sure is that fair I always felt like people believed in me a lot less than I believed in myself, I think that's. I don't know why that matters yet, but for anyone out there watching or listening, did other people believe in you more than you believe in yourself, or did you believe in yourself way freaking more than other people believed in you? I always felt like everyone sold me short. I always felt like I believed in myself way more than anyone else believed in me. I still feel that way, actually.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well then it's a question of is it because you had super high self-belief and I had super low self-belief? So anybody who had any level of belief in me believes in me more than I believe in myself?

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, I think that's what it is?

Kevin Palmieri:

And who's going to believe in you more than you believe in you, emilia? Well, that's fair. But that's only because she believes in herself more than you believe in yourself.

Alan Lazaros:

I know Well, this is a trip. I'll share this quickly. Whenever I'll have a big W, whatever it is, of course, my sweetheart.

Kevin Palmieri:

I bled for that. I know I do that to you all the time. Yeah, a hundred percent.

Alan Lazaros:

That's my point and I did that to her yesterday. She's got this aerospace company she might be working with and again it's going to be a big deal. It's awesome, and she's doing leadership coaching. It's unbelievable. But she came to me and she shared a win about having you know, this huge success.

Alan Lazaros:

And we were in the car, outside the gym and I was like I made the mistake of not celebrating first because she told me, hey, this is the biggest quarter for company. But also and I was like sweetheart, I, I, my brain, I already knew that like I track your numbers in my head all the time and and she's like, can we celebrate the win? And then we realized in that moment that we do that to each other on accident. Of course it's the biggest quarter. What do you think we've been doing? Because we track everything. And again bringing it back to the point for the listener If you feel like you believe in yourself way more than other people believe in you, you probably do have really high self-belief or you're delusional, and I've been both. And if you feel like other people believe in you more than you believe in yourself, I would love to talk about what that's like. What is that even like?

Kevin Palmieri:

Honestly, I feel like it feels pretty negative, because it's almost like people think they have the answer to your problem and you just got to believe in yourself more. It's like, yeah, I know, I understand, I do, I'm working on it, I'm working on it, but your outside perspective telling me that I need to believe. It's like have you ever just thought of not being anxious? Oh, no, never. I've never contemplated that before. That's a thing. Have you ever thought of like well, maybe if you thought more positively, you wouldn't be depressed?

Kevin Palmieri:

like okay I could tell you don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. I can tell you don't know what you're talking about. So it's almost that it's like I know in this fairy tale land you think that's gonna help, but it's not. It's not. I appreciate it like thank you, you know. Oh, you could accomplish so much more if you just set your mind to. It's like no, no, you don't get it.

Alan Lazaros:

You don't get it so did I do that to you not anymore did I used to yeah, for sure really yeah for sure, oh shit for sure.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's like kevin, you just gotta like believe in yourself more.

Alan Lazaros:

It's like, yeah, no, dude I know this is what people say to me all the time. This is just to be relatable here. Uh, relate to you in this moment, but different. I get this all the time. Oh, no, no, no, no. People like you oh people totally like you.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, no, no, just they. No one dislikes you. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, my god, I I had a student, um reach out to me and he's like uh, I don't know why you think people don't like you. Brother, you don't, okay, it's fine, you know you. You just don't and it's okay, like I, I'm not trying to. It's just like when kev's trying to get coached by somebody and he's like no, no, no, no, I get it.

Kevin Palmieri:

I get it. I know what you're saying. Yeah, I know what you're saying, but that's not. Yeah, I'm good.

Alan Lazaros:

That's the reason why I think people don't share vulnerable truths, Because think about how vulnerable that is to say I know I'm not a super likable person. No one says that.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, that's fair.

Alan Lazaros:

But then people come save you from it like no, no, no, like I like you. No, I know you do. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying in general. I'm not an easily likable guy. I'm intimidating. No, you're not intimidating. They try to save you from it. My lights are going nuts, but the truth is I just don't think they're aware enough to know the difference in them and others.

Kevin Palmieri:

My lights are still I don't understand it if there's any lighting specialists that are watching this. Let us know why Alan turns on the sun. Occasionally we don't get it.

Alan Lazaros:

It's the Sony ZV-1,. By the way, if anyone does reach out, I just want you to have the right data Two bulbs, 220 watts. I'm literally joking, but it is a Sony ZV-1.

Alan Lazaros:

The layers of self-awareness when you're out in the world and you share something you're going through or struggling with, it's very hard to do that without everybody else sort of thinking they know what's best for you. And again, I've been guilty of that in the past too. I get it and I'm a coach. So it's hard for me not to put that hat on. Because I actually do feel very confident at this stage 7 000 coaching sessions plus in, where I feel like I can help all the different walks of life and I feel like I understand the differences because of all the different industries and different cultures and different backgrounds of different countries and all the different nuances and the different core wounds and all that stuff. So I actually do feel. Ironically, I'm in a place in my life where I am less likely to jump into coaching someone, but yet I'm actually the most capable I've ever been as a coach. So you know, you get permission, the permission piece is definitely important.

Kevin Palmieri:

Somebody asked me that one time. They said what is something about adding value that people don't understand? I was like I've never been asked that question. I don't know if I have. I don't even know if I have an answer. And I was like let me sit with it for a second and I said it requires permission. You cannot add value into someone's life unless they give you permission. Because they won't let you, you could have the nugget of truth that they've been waiting their whole life for. If they don't accept it, it doesn't matter.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, it's so true. It doesn't. I think that's why the meetup went so well. Too is everyone. When you get a ticket to Next Level Live, that's essentially giving us permission to pour into your life. And I think that's a really really big opportunity for us in the future to remember. I would agree.

Kevin Palmieri:

All right, my next level Me more than you my next level lesson would be one make sure you know the episodes before you record them, because two in a row I don't know if I've ever done that. I probably have back in the day. I would say. I think there's two. There's two ways to look at problems and, I think, one great way to start. And again, simple.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm not saying it's going to change things overnight. Is this of my doing and how much responsibility should I hold for this? I'm not saying look, if the economy sucks, things get harder. I'm not saying that there isn't some external circumstance that affects us. I'm not saying that Things are expensive. I understand completely and I want to make sure that you give credit to that, but not all of the credit, because if you give all of the credit to that, if you give all of the reasoning to that, if you give all of the reasoning to that, then you lose the responsibility to improve the things that you can. Even if you can't improve everything, there are some things that you can improve. So, anytime there's an issue, I think a good place to start is what role or responsibility that I play in creating this issue. And if I created this issue, I'm also most likely capable of finding a way to climb out of this hole.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, for sure. I was on with a client earlier. We did this question Are you more focused on what you can control or what you can't control Right and I would say, try your best to focus the majority of your time and effort on things that are within your control and that will help you tremendously to overcome these barriers.

Kevin Palmieri:

All right, group coaching starts April 15th. We'll have the link in the show notes. Next level podcast accelerator. So if you're a podcaster who is looking to level up your podcast, you want to level up yourself first New skills, new awarenesses, all that happy jazz. Then we'll talk about podcasting behind the scenes stuff, logistics, how to track the data, naming episodes, all that stuff, figuring out who your audience is, all that stuff. And then the final two sessions technically four sessions is level up your business. So if you're somebody who has a podcast you want to turn into a business bada, bing, bada, boom. We'll have the link in the show notes for that starts April 15th. We go ahead.

Alan Lazaros:

No, no, you're good, you're good. 12 weeks it comes to less than $25 per session with the promo code NLULISTENER. Make sure you use the promo code NLULISTENER. The link will be in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. And at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk.

Alan Lazaros:

Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. We love connecting with the next level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow tomorrow.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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