Next Level University

The Only Way To Overcome Your Ego Is To Challenge It (2032)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In today’s episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore how self-belief helps you face uncomfortable truths, grow through challenges, and even laugh at your own awkward moments. They share personal stories about insecurity, ego, vulnerability, and building real confidence over time. You’ll also learn how focusing on what is working—rather than digging through the past—can spark change. Whether you’re stuck, starting over, or aiming higher, this honest and uplifting talk will help you see your own growth path more clearly.

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

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Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:33) The psychological immune system
(5:06) Building a self-belief ladder
(10:18) Bright spots and solution-based growth
(13:30) Facing hard truths builds confidence
(17:16) How ego blocks vulnerability
(20:12) From judgment to empathy
(23:58) The power of self-belief
(25:49) Join 10 podcasters growing together. Level up your mindset, habits, and podcast. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
(29:11) Self-belief unlocks real learning
(34:08) Dream killers Vs. Helpful truth
(39:41) Aligning self-awareness with realistic goals
(43:10) Self-acceptance leads to real growth
(47:06) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

I think the more confident you get, the easier it is for you to make fun of yourself, because your ego is something you can now play with. But it's based on the fact that you have to face your ego enough times to understand it. I feel like I'm the most confident I've ever been, but I also make fun of myself the most I ever have, and it doesn't affect me. It's not like I feel bad after I do it.

Alan Lazaros:

I think it's because I've made friends with my ego that I can actually do it at this point very strange the more insecure you are deep down, the bigger your ego is going to have to be to protect yourself from difficult things. And so, kevin, right there mentioning making fun of oneself, if you can be playful with yourself and make fun of yourself in a playful way, not a a self-deprecating way, I think that's actually an indicator that you are more confident and less insecure.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros:

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri:

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation today for episode number 2032. The only way to overcome your ego is to challenge it. Alan and I were on a podcast episode together and it was wonderful. Shout out to Quentin Great show, great host, great questions. It was great.

Kevin Palmieri:

And there was a point at the end where Alan and Quentin were just geeking out and I don't mean that as a derogatory thing. They were having a really cool conversation about stuff that I just didn't understand. And there was a point I waited a while. I was like if it gets to a certain point, I'm going to say something. And there was a little pause and I said, just so the listeners know, anybody just listening, I am still here. I know I haven't spoken in like five minutes. I'm still here Just taking in the information. And when I did that, quentin the host I think he thought I was insecure because he's like yeah, no, no, and I was like dude, you're good, I promise. I just thought it would be. I thought that would be funny. I thought that would be a funny little thing to do.

Kevin Palmieri:

If I was insecure about it, I wouldn't have been able to say anything. I would have had whatever trauma response I normally have, but I've been able to be put into situations like that repeatedly over the last eight years. Now I understand. Okay, this is normally where I might get triggered, I might get insecure, whatever it is, and now it's easy enough to override and just make. I don't want to say make fun of it. It's almost like poking the elephant in the room because you know there's an elephant in the room but you're okay poking it. And I think if you have an ego, it doesn't allow you to look at something like that and say, okay, I am insecure why? I think it ends up being I'm not insecure. These two dudes are just arrogant and the whole opportunity for growth is gone. Ego is great for protecting you, but it's not great for helping you grow, unfortunately.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, for sure, for sure. That's the concept I've talked about in the past the psychological immune system. So with the physical immune system, people get it. You go outside, change in seasons, you get cold feet, whatever you. With the physical immune system, people get it. You go outside, change in seasons, you get cold feet. Whatever you get the sniffles, your immune system is attacking whatever illness, virus, disease, you name it. The psychological immune system is attacking whatever it is that you are not ready to emotionally handle.

Alan Lazaros:

And so as you grow and evolve and learn, you can be more and more and more okay with the way I see it is. The more confident you become, the more self-esteem you build inside, the more you believe in yourself, the more you can own your inadequacies, which then gives you the opportunity to grow even more. So let's say, let's say, I have level one self-belief. Hypothetically, now I can, I can own level one truths about myself. Then, those level one truths, what's a good example of this? Oh, okay, a kid. A kid who has level one self-belief can own the fact that, okay, I'm not really that good looking. Apparently, that kind of sucks, you think that's level one, I don't know, maybe not.

Alan Lazaros:

No, that's not level one, that's heavy Is that heavy, that's heavy son. Okay, what's a level one? What's a level one? Let's do this.

Kevin Palmieri:

Let's make a ladder out of this. How old's the kid 14 prepubescent in high school with no friends level one is just like the lowest, lowest, lowest amount of feedback you could get all right level one is I'm not as smart as my friends, or something I. I think that's even higher.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, when I was a kid, I remember there was a time in my life where my older sister was better than me at stuff. That quickly changed when we became teenagers and I just started getting better than her at everything. But in the beginning she would beat me at every goddamn board game. She would beat me at every video game. She would beat me at everything goddamn board game. She would beat us, beat me at every video game. She would beat me at everything. That was so annoying and I don't know. I guess my unconscious story to myself was what. I'll just work harder and get better than her. I never really I don't know. This is why this is such a bad episode for me.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, I don't think you'd even know how to label. It's easy to label a level 10 belief because it's like, ah, I can do that.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, let's give context. So we were interviewed by a man named Quentin, yes, and he has zero to 10, kev. What do you think?

Kevin Palmieri:

Self-belief I mean, it's nine at least, if not 10. Probably 10. Yeah, it's nine at least, if not 10, probably 10.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, it's very, very, very high, and so high, in fact, that when Kevin and I got off we talked a little bit about how he doesn't realize how high it is Because he hasn't spent as much quality time with someone who has helped him. So Kev has helped me understand how much, Because when you first met me I knew I believed in myself, but I didn't know how much. It was just like, yeah, I mean, I didn't know. This is the problem. Have you ever heard that thing where I could hold this up and it's orange, and what if your orange is my red? And we would never know? It's like that? If I've never not believed in myself, how the hell am I going to know how you feel, Especially in a world where people have an ego that shows up in a different way than what they're feeling deep down? That's why human beings are the most confusing, Like if you study a car or or a I don't know chemistry.

Alan Lazaros:

It's so easy because it just works every time Physics is so easy because it just makes perfect sense, whereas human beings, you're studying things that are so wildly unique. Some people are more confident than you think, but they hide it. Other people are less confident than you think, but they hide their insecurity. It's very hard to know and, by the way, kevin and I have both coached the same people. I've talked about this. People react to people differently.

Alan Lazaros:

So if they create belonging, so if you're around someone with high self-belief, like Quentin, you might pretend to believe in yourself more than you do and you might actually believe in yourself more than you do because he believes in you in that moment. So it's very hard. The observer effect it's a psychological bias where, when you study horses, for example, if the horse is aware that you're studying them, they change their behavior. Obviously, a horse is going to act different when there's a tiger in the corner than when there isn't, so a tiger really doesn't actually know what a horse is like without it there metaphorically and so that's why it's been really frustrating for me to study. I like psychology, but I think it's been really hard for me to understand human beings over the years.

Kevin Palmieri:

This is completely off topic. I was reading Switch Nice and one of the things that blew my mind and again this is going to sound silly to Alan probably it's solution-based therapy versus going back into the past.

Kevin Palmieri:

Mind-blowing Blew my mind Absolutely blew my mind Just searching for bright spots. It was like, ooh, that's something. That is something Blew my mind. I don't know why it blew my mind so much, but can you go deeper? So I guess and again, I'm not a therapist, I am a podcaster who plays a podcaster on television. That is what I am, okay. Okay, let's get that out. So evidently solution-based therapy is.

Kevin Palmieri:

The example that was used in the book was there was a kid in school who was essentially getting kicked out of every class all the time and they said, well, we really need to talk to him about his childhood and about his past and what's going on at home, and blah, blah, blah.

Kevin Palmieri:

And he went, the school had a therapist or sent him to a therapist, and he said we're not going to do any of that. I'm going to ask him okay, you're getting sent to the principal's office four times a week. What's happening on the fifth day where you don't? And he essentially said well, I go into the classroom and the teacher asks me how I'm doing and they greet me at the door and they're super kind and you know I feel stupid when the teacher's giving directions, but this certain teacher that I never get kicked out of her class. She always comes over and make sure that I understand what she's teaching. And they said so, that's why you never misbehave. And he said yeah, that's I mean that class. I feel like good, I feel safe, I feel I feel like they care, let's say psychological safety.

Kevin Palmieri:

Let's give that information to the other teachers to see if, when they do that, it improves. And it essentially went from like 10 percent 10 percent behavior in alignment with what was expected, to like 80 behavior, and it was just based on the fact that they just saw the bright spots and doubled down on that it was mind-blowing.

Alan Lazaros:

It was like this like this is really cool. Yeah, dan Heath's books are awesome. Chip Kev's like well, what about Chip his brother? Listen, dan Heath has a bunch of other books Upstream Reset. I feel like.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm Chip in this relationship. You're Dan, I'm Chip.

Alan Lazaros:

And again.

Kevin Palmieri:

Dan or Chip, you might, and if you do, I don't mean any disrespect by that.

Alan Lazaros:

I will definitely reach out to Dan and see if he wants to come on Book Club. We're reading Reset and Book Club. If anyone wants to join Book Club, reset by Dan Heath is the new book. We're one chapter in, one chapter per week and our four-year anniversary 20 books this is our 20th. If you want to join, it's totally free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Link in the show notes Totally free. Yeah, I mean, we'll pass the hat around. You want to kick a 20 in there? You can. But no, there's no passing, that it's always free, we'll pass the book around.

Alan Lazaros:

if you want to kick it, throw 100 under each page.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, we like that.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, so the bright spots dark spots, solution-based versus the past.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's deeper understanding versus tactics, and that has nothing to do with this. I just wanted to throw it in there.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm sure you can connect it to this. That's what I'm trying to do, okay, sorry.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'll stop. I'll stop Real quick. There might be a new saying. I know I'm in a weird place today. I don't understand it. There might be a new saying at NLU working the derg.

Alan Lazaros:

So, if you hear me say that to Alan, all it is working, the dirt working, okay bright spots, dark spots, simple where are you succeeding? And then dig into why that is. Where are you failing? Dig into why that is. Now you have a deeper understanding and now you can increase the probability of success and decrease the probability of failure from now on.

Alan Lazaros:

The cool part about what you shared about that student is that the psychological safety created for that student will also ripple into the other kids as well. That's known as systemic change. It's really cool. But anyways, back to the latter. Let's go back to self-belief. Let's go back to the latter. All right, the latter, so level one.

Alan Lazaros:

So this is my thesis the more self-belief you have, the more you will be willing to look at your inadequacies, especially the ones you feel in control of changing. So if I have level five self-belief, I will face a level five truth that I believe I can change. So, for example, fitness when I first got into fitness, I went to the gym. I looked at how far I had fallen since college. I cried in the bathroom and then left. That was one of my most hard days, one of my most hard days in my adult life. At the time, I went back and eventually was ready for more and more and more and more and more and more feedback.

Alan Lazaros:

So the idea here is how do you build self-belief? You start where you are and you face whatever hard truth is at that level. Once you face that hard truth now you can work on it. And then, when you work on it, you build self-confidence. And then you can work on it. And then, when you work on it, you build self-confidence and then you can face another hard truth. This is one of the reasons why growth blows self-improvement, personal development and personal growth it it sucks hard. We have a out here, jeff and group with the whole uh core nlu team, and amy sent a Instagram reel. I don't know if you saw it.

Kevin Palmieri:

I didn't see it yet no. It said oh yeah, no, no, you know what. I did see it. That's from Parks and Rec baby, is it? Yeah, one second, what's his name? Ben? I don't know his name in the show. All right, so you can hear it's fun, it's just fun, it's fun, it's fun. That's ben right there.

Alan Lazaros:

Parks and rec best show ever okay, so I don't know how to turn this off. Hold on okay when you're and this is what says when you're working your job, while working on your mental health, while working on your relationships, while working on your physical health, while working on your personal goals, while working on your childhood trauma it's fun, it's fun, it's it's fun. And she sent it because it's obviously sarcastic, because it's not fun at all. The reason why it's not fun and this is one of the reasons why I know you struggles uh to it's not fun, and this is one of the reasons why I know you struggles to not end up sort of negative is because we've said this before you and I the reason you're not successful, the reason you're not more successful, the reason you're not at the next level, isn't because you don't believe enough in what you already believe. It's because you have a blind spot or you aren't willing to face a hard truth that you don't want to face.

Alan Lazaros:

I would rather you say you know what? I kind of hate weight training and I don't want to go to the gym because I'm insecure when I'm there around a bunch of people that are jacked, and then face that and then go anyway, then pretend, I just don't like the gym. And that second one is someone who stays stuck and is making an excuse. The first one is just owning it, full ownership. But the problem is chicken or egg, because if you don't have enough self-belief, you're not going to take full ownership.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, you've got to start somewhere. Maybe it's not in fitness. This is the extra necessity for doing that type of work, because you never know when it's going to cross over. I'm convinced one of the reasons I'm able to take feedback in my relationship is because I've practiced it in so many other places. So it's just not as hard when you get into. You get into a hot tub, hot as shit. Oh yeah, 15 minutes later it's not that bad anymore. Nice, the water doesn't change, the temperature's the same, it might actually be hotter, but you're more acclimated to it and I think everything exposure, therapy, right, same thing but it's being acclimated to your ego and I think I don't know.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't know if we give ourselves enough opportunities to do that because one we might know it's going to happen, so we avoid it to. It's a, it's a weapon that you don't know how to use. Yet We've mentioned that before about confidence. Somebody goes I'm as guilty as any human on the planet of this. I go do something I didn't think was possible. It goes well, and then I'm actually confident and I don't know how to use it. Like I'm, it's like a hose that you don't know how to use. You're just like spraying it everywhere.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's like oh, this is, I am the man, I'm the man, but I think, I think ego is very similar. Where, when do you use ego? You use ego, maybe, when you're backed in a corner. You use ego when you feel insecure. You use ego when you're afraid. You use ego when you're embarrassed, when you want to be vulnerable, but you don't know how. That one that's a very interesting one. I've had friends in the past who I they wanted to be vulnerable, but they, instead of being vulnerable, they just over swung and it was like can you?

Alan Lazaros:

tell the story anonymously. Do I have a story? I don't know? Oh, but maybe can you give us one I feel like we talk too high level, like I want to clouds and dirt. I want to get back to the dirt I don't know if I have a.

Kevin Palmieri:

Really I had a friend back in the day who would be vulnerable occasionally, but it was like things really had to be struggle busting for him to be vulnerable, but it was almost like. It was almost like okay, this is a good one. One of the things that changed a lot of my friendships was saying I love you to my friends. I was I led the charge on that back in the day in my friend group. Saying I love you to my friends, I was I led the charge on that back in the day in my friend group Like I love you, man.

Kevin Palmieri:

I would say that after I spent time with somebody and I had a friend who the first time I did that was like super weirded out, I was gonna love you, man, give me a hug. He's like dude, get, get off. Dude, come on, what are you, what are you doing? He loved me. I know that we were tight Over time. Every time I love you, brother, we'd hug it out, but in the beginning the ego wouldn't allow him to do that, so he just made it weird and funny Like dude, come on, you don't have to tell me you love me, I'm doing it for me son. So why don't you take it easy? But it's just that it's.

Alan Lazaros:

Did you also?

Kevin Palmieri:

slap it to bs. No, we do not slap it to bs I only slap it to bs after I work in the derg. Slap it to bs it's a great movie, but if it's from. I love you man for anyone you've ever tried to be vulnerable, or if anybody's ever tried to be vulnerable with you and they ego up, it's probably because they're they're not confident enough to be vulnerable and that's like a that's interesting thing I know some people who struggle massively with vulnerability.

Alan Lazaros:

I definitely did in the past and, uh, it holds them back tremendously. You and I just got off an interview yes, we, we did Joe With. Quentin Yep, and in the past you've articulated that being around two people who have high self-confidence, high self-belief, whatever would make you insecure. Yes, Particularly talking about the global economy and mergers and acquisitions and business and all that kind of stuff. You illuminated that in X Level Live, which was of a lot of value, I think. What would old Kevin have done in that circumstance?

Kevin Palmieri:

It wouldn't have been external, it wouldn't have been audible, but I would have villainized. I probably would have villainized you of like dude. You know I don't know what you're talking about. You've got to keep me in the conversation here. What are you doing? Help a brother out. What are we doing here? That, but it would have been. That it would have been. These guys are arrogant. They think they're, they think they know everything. That it would have been outward, it would have been points, take pain, turn into a weapon and then point it outward, even though it wouldn't. You wouldn't have known, I wouldn't have said anything to you.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, but I would have felt it, you probably would have felt it, I would have felt it and I would have been insecure about it and that would have made me even come off even more arrogant, because then I would have felt the daggers. There's someone in a past event who I say his first name is Daggers, yeah my man, danny Daggers.

Alan Lazaros:

There's always a person or two in every speech I've ever given that is doing what you just referred to. There was one at the last speech I gave. I got a message from the professor that said everyone loved your speech. Thank you so much for coming, except for one person. I know who that person was. I could tell. I could see it in their eyes and instead of sitting there and being open and saying, okay, maybe this person has something to share with me and is sincerely trying to help me, he was just like fuck this dude in his head, like fuck this dude.

Kevin Palmieri:

What's your take on that now versus in the past? Has it changed?

Alan Lazaros:

like do you have?

Alan Lazaros:

I still don't like it. I still don't like it and I definitely don't think it's fair and I think that I've been treated very unjustly seriously. But I get it more than I used to, because it's just hard to empathize with when I don't do that. I don't. I was on a podcast recently with a woman oh, what was her name? Crap One second. I actually want to know too, because this was wonderful Sarah, sarah, sarah, inner Truth, healing, and she was so clearly like the brightest light, doctor, acupuncture, I mean just, she was fucking awesome and she was gorgeous too, and I can just and again, I want to make this as clear as possible because I now understand Emilia and I are in a very mature long term relationship. She is the love of my life. She is my future wife. When I say another woman is attractive, I mean it respectfully. There is nothing. I just know that's weird from an outside perspective no, no, no.

Kevin Palmieri:

Most guys. I feel like at least at NLU. I feel like at least at NLU.

Alan Lazaros:

I feel like that's taken out of context, that can be seen wrong. I guess I'm just more aware of it than I used to be. Like, I'm not throwing any disrespect at Emilia whatsoever, like I just meant it's very obvious to me that this person is a big mirror for anyone who's insecure about their looks. Let's just say that. And I've been insecure about my looks in the past and I had a mirror moment with a very attractive guy who was a friend of a friend and I had to go cry in the fucking corner honestly. Um, so I get it, but At the end of the day, I just had this long conversation with her and she's like I feel like you've known me my whole Life, holy crap, and all this stuff.

Alan Lazaros:

The truth is you just have really high self-belief. You're constantly dialing down. It's so obvious. You want to celebrate me, which I appreciate, but most people don't. So that's how I know you believe in yourself when you have a lot of belief, and this is one thing that I don't know why we've lost this. Like. If I could teach one thing, and only one thing, it would be self-belief. The whole personal development industry. I've studied it for 10 years and I'm talking every single day, seriously, like deeply.

Kevin Palmieri:

Nobody's talking about self-belief it gets talked about at a, at like a level one everyone uses confidence.

Alan Lazaros:

They don't even use the word self-belief. And if they do use the word believe, you have to believe in it. Believe it, you can achieve it well, I think it's's self-belief, because most people have it. That's the most important fucking thing, I agree. I think that's why I think that's unique. It's very unique to nou. If you do not have high internal self-belief, everything looks different.

Kevin Palmieri:

100, everything is different I had a moment where I was thinking I was, or the day before I was literally thinking there can't ever really be a one-to-one. I give you advice and it's 100% for you. It can't ever be that way, Because I'm not the same as Alan, I know. So my advice is based on what worked for me at the time. It worked for me with my mindset and my confidence, and my self-worth and my consistency, and blah, blah, blah. It can't ever work exactly the same.

Alan Lazaros:

That's why I always try my best to teach principles, because principles are that way, no matter what every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Alan Lazaros:

It's a law, it's newton's third law. It it happens no matter what. That's why I try really hard to teach principles. I'm actually creating a list of them, but that's why it's so. I like coaching so much more because I can. I can completely customize. I've talked about that a lot, but it all depends on your level of self-belief. I have one client and this is interesting I've been doing this with a lot of clients lately. Sometimes their homework will be certain movies from a certain frame.

Kevin Palmieri:

Where do I sign up for this coaching?

Alan Lazaros:

Right. So Inception is planting the seed of an idea. Have you ever seen Inception?

Kevin Palmieri:

Back in the day, but if you would like to assign it to me, I could definitely watch it for a homework assignment, if that's something you'd like. Next Level Nation. We would love to invite you to our 18th round of Next Level Group Coaching. It is the Next Level Podcast Accelerator. If you are a podcaster who wants to level yourself up, level your podcast up and level your business up, this 12-week program is perfect for you.

Alan Lazaros:

So we've done this 18 times. We've iterated and iterated and improved and improved. The first four weeks is level up yourself. The next four weeks is level up your podcast. The last four weeks is level up your business. Build a brand underneath your business. The promo code is NLU listener all one word. Put that in at checkout for 30% off. It comes to less than $25 per session for the 12 sessions. Kevin or I will be on every single one of them. We hope to see you there. All right, so I'm teaching sales to several clients, and sales is nothing more or less and again, I don't. It's actually. It can take a lifetime to master, but it's actually fairly simple. However, it's complex until you understand it and then it becomes simple. So I know that's a lot.

Kevin Palmieri:

He talks about teaching sales as he tries to sell you his idea that he cannot sell you.

Alan Lazaros:

Perfect this will is influence, which is whether you're asking your friend to go to the movies with you, what movie you want to watch, or you're selling a ten thousand dollar product. It's the same concept which is planting the seed of an idea, getting someone else to believe it's possible, possible for them and worth it for them to do it. And so someone else has goals and dreams in the opposite direction of their deepest pains and insecurities, and sales is helping them understand the benefit of your product or service and how it will help them achieve their goals and dreams. So, for example, next Level Podcast Solutions, we have someone who's a podcaster who has no more time. They're doing all the audio and video editing themselves. They're trying to do more of their thing and they're bogged down. They don't have any extra time and they hire us to do all of that for them. So they buy back their time and now they go generate more revenue with that time and we do what we do best while they do what they do best. That's sales. That's what you do.

Alan Lazaros:

That's Kevin's main focus. He's chief sales officer for next level podcast solutions. It's a win-win-win scenario win for the team, win for nlu, win for the client, not necessarily in that order win for the client first. Win for the team second. Win for the owners, third, unfortunately, uh, but fortunately as well. But the point is is when you don't have self-belief it's so hard to sell things, because when you don't have self-belief you've, you just don't believe that much is possible. Therefore, now, if you have too much self-belief and you're naive, you might buy a ten thousand dollar course, thinking it's going to be something. I was reckless in the beginning.

Alan Lazaros:

I mean, I bought every book and I bought every course and I would, and I learned a lot, but a lot of it was what not to do and what not to buy. But the more self-belief you have, the more optimistic you'll be. The more optimistic you are, the more action you'll take. The more action you take, the more pain and failure you will suffer, but the more you'll learn which which does what gives you more self-belief?

Alan Lazaros:

because I'll give you a tiny example. So our furnace just had a problem. I didn't know shit about furnaces, quite frankly, and circuit breakers, youtube videos. Now I get it. I don't get it fully, but I get it enough to know. Okay, there's an ignition thing, ignition switch, ignition switch.

Alan Lazaros:

The guys came today I said I think it's the ignition switch and they're like, yep, that's what. It is. Awesome, I figured it out. Go me, what did you say? You tell me, watch a youtube video. For I didn't tell him that. No, it was real quick. I had a coaching session, but I kind of get how that whole thing freaking works now at a level three. Obviously, this is all they do. They knew right away when they came in and if they were to, you know, open this computer, they wouldn't know. So the point that I'm making is self-belief is the accumulated knowledge, experience and reflection of each individual. But you're not going to go get the knowledge, experience and reflection if you don't believe in yourself. So a lot of people are stuck in this place of I don't believe in myself. Therefore I don't do hard things. Therefore, I don't get the lessons necessary to believe in myself.

Kevin Palmieri:

How many? This is a really interesting thought. I said, I proclaimed. Hopefully you'll think so as well. So many of our limiting beliefs affect the way we think other people will behave because we think they have the same limiting beliefs as us.

Alan Lazaros:

That, that always. Or the same empowering beliefs Either one, yeah, that always. Or the same empowering beliefs Either one, yeah. That's affected me a ton.

Kevin Palmieri:

I can't. No, this person would never buy that. They're not going to think it's worth it. It's like well, just because you don't think it's worth it doesn't mean they won't Slash. Everybody would want to do that. That makes so much sense. No, that that makes so much sense. No, just because you want to do it doesn't make make everybody want to do it. Yeah, it really is. Yeah, it's very interesting how your experiences essentially dictate all of the blind spots you have in regards to other people. The higher your self-belief.

Alan Lazaros:

Let me rephrase this the level of self-belief that you have internally dictates, I would say, the majority of how you see the world, and it all starts to and this is the problem. We were talking about this with quentin. So quentin has very high self-belief, statistically speaking. So he came back from japan and he reunited with a bunch of his friends from a decade prior and he didn't understand why none of them did what they said they were going to do. And I was like yep makes perfect sense, because he is someone who said he was going to go to japan and then went. He's someone who said he was going to do m&a, mergers and acquisition. Did it I?

Alan Lazaros:

I, if you have high self-belief, you always do what you say you're going to do, like when I said I would do a marathon, I eventually did one. Like when I do a 5k this summer. That's not going to be a surprise to me or to you, but to people who don't know me that might be like oh, you know, kevin said this to me one time. He said, alan, when you say what you're gonna do, it comes off arrogant. When you say what you've already done, it doesn't. I was like what?

Kevin Palmieri:

yeah, well, anybody can talk.

Alan Lazaros:

Anybody can talk it sounds like bragging to me. When I talk about all the past things I've done, that sounds like bragging to me. When I talk about what I'm gonna do, that doesn't sound like bragging at all.

Kevin Palmieri:

What does it sound like? What does it sound like to you? What?

Alan Lazaros:

does it feel? Like yeah, exciting and like, do you think?

Kevin Palmieri:

it's. Do you think it's bragging when Somebody talks about what they've done, or no?

Alan Lazaros:

No, no no, I, I think, but I don't think it's bragging either. When he talks about what he's going to do, like Quentin was talking about all the things him and his wife are going to do together and all that stuff, that was like fuck yeah, that's awesome Well he's a track record, track record of proving it. When.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't have an answer. I don't have an answer, but I just know. Is it?

Alan Lazaros:

okay to talk about what you're going to do in the future when you have a track record I get, I think well, you don't have a track record when you're young that's too bad. And and here's the thing when you're young I'll share this briefly when you're young, that's when you need love and support yeah I remember I I said I would be a fitness model.

Alan Lazaros:

I said abercrombie model at the time and obviously the abercrombie models back then this is 2006, 2006, 2007, yeah, 2007 ap government class and I remember I said I want to be a abercrombie model when I grow up. And the whole class I mean I'm talking, not good I don't even know if that would happen nowadays.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't know why, why I'm so fun to shit on seriously, but the whole class was laughing and making fun of me and all this stuff and Mrs Puckett, my teacher at the time. She pulled me aside after class because she could tell I was really hurt, even though I was probably trying to hide it, and she said you could do it, you're really good looking. And I remember thinking like, of course I can, I don't like. Well, okay, let me break that down rather than just coming off arrogant. I look like they do in terms of my genetics.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm blonde hair, blue eyed, white Caucasian male. I'm going to get in better shape than this. I'm a teeny bopper. I haven't even hit puberty yet, teeny bopper. I haven't even hit puberty yet, teeny bopper. Like I reverse engineered it, that's not gonna be that hard to do from my perspective. But I didn't know. No one else believes in themselves and I didn't know that that no one else had like dreams that they really intended on I think a piece of it's aligned dreams, because I'm not going to be an abby abercrombie model anytime soon.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, you can't.

Kevin Palmieri:

No offense, no, but so, but what if I thought I could? Well, that's delusional, but I think that's where a lot of us get stuck. How do I? I don't know what my potential is. If I don't know what my potential is, I don't know whether or not that's the thing. Is you pick something you could actually do? Yeah, otherwise I wouldn't say it. That's not common, that's super rare. That's super rare Most of the shit I wanted to do. I don't know if I actually could have.

Alan Lazaros:

I mean, I think some of it you could have, maybe, but I didn't. I think you could have been in the MLB. Mathematically, I really think that's possible. I don't know If you actually tried, dude, you were an all-star without even trying.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, but there's a difference between being an all-star in Uxbridge, the shitty town, but, dude, you had no good habits.

Alan Lazaros:

You had no good coaches. I mean not no good coaches, but you stumbled upon that, thinking you got lucky. Can you imagine if you ignited the compound effect of mastery over time?

Kevin Palmieri:

I mean it's fair, it's fair, it's fair, it's fair.

Alan Lazaros:

And again, maybe you got to AAA or whatever. Like you would have gotten farther than that. I'll tell you what. For sure, for sure, especially if you didn't slice your damn hand open, I was I.

Kevin Palmieri:

There was alcohol. It was not a good night for me.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

There, but that's something that might be aligned, and that's the thing I think I don't want to say. This will be my next level nugget. I'll transition to my next level nugget. I don't want to say that we're negative, because I don't think we are. I think what we actually are is undercover positive. I don't think we're negative. Oh nice. I think we're undercover positive where Sneaky positive, sneaky positive.

Alan Lazaros:

Where most of the positive. If you really dig deep, you'll see us as positive adults. Well, I think most of the positive is undercover.

Kevin Palmieri:

Negative. I think it deludes you Like you can do anything you want. No, no, no, no, just like I can't do anything I want.

Alan Lazaros:

When I said you couldn't be an Abercrombie model, let's unpack. Why, Like? That sounds like I'm being a dick. That's like me saying can you imagine, do you think I could be the strongest man on earth? Well, no, but I don't either.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't think I could either, no, no, but it's mathematically impossible.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm a steroid we could pump you with steroids and it wouldn't matter.

Kevin Palmieri:

There's not enough drugs in the world. Kev, I'm a twig. That's impossible, though you could be like bane. I don't want to try, oh all right, you understand.

Alan Lazaros:

so that's like saying, that's like saying, that's like a dog saying I want to be a horse. It's the same concept. Okay, real quick, real quick, real quick. Okay, this is please bear with me on this.

Kevin Palmieri:

No one take this out of context. I like how you went from me being an Abercrombie model to a dog being a horse. All right, real quick. That's how you know it gets pulling its strings it's like a. It's like a turtle trying to be a an astronaut.

Alan Lazaros:

All right, real quick, here we go, yeah I just did chat gpt, how many types of dogs are there?

Alan Lazaros:

okay, there's 200 plus breeds, okay yeah now, we're all human beings, just like dogs are dogs, but there's 200 different types of dogs. There's also 200 plus different types of human beings. There's all the different ethnicities. Right, I'm Irish and German, like you're Scottish, or I'm Scottish too, like, okay, you understand what I'm saying, though we're all different types, we're all different ethnicities. We don't all have the same genetic code. We don't all have the same DNA. We don't all have the same potential. I have a Pomeranian Chihuahua. No matter how hard he tries and believes in himself and overcomes his limiting beliefs, he's never going to fight a Great Dane and win you know what?

Kevin Palmieri:

Great Danes are notoriously skittish. Okay, they are. They are the biggest dogs, I'm telling you. You ever been around a?

Alan Lazaros:

Great Dane All right, a pit bull. He's not going to be a pit bull, no, he's going to get eaten.

Kevin Palmieri:

You ever see a freaking pit bull. So I lived with a couple and they had a pit bull.

Alan Lazaros:

This thing is doing chin-ups on the weekend.

Kevin Palmieri:

You know what I'm saying. It's like I was wrestling with my my girlfriend at the time one night, and it grabbed my ear and it was essentially like are are you guys good or no? Friendliest, friendliest dog. I trust my life with that dog.

Alan Lazaros:

But that was a moment for me of like okay yeah, okay, a little bit moment there right off for me but super I'm not.

Kevin Palmieri:

I will not push the pitbull negative narrative because they're really good dogs and you raise them right.

Alan Lazaros:

But I was nervous well, all I'm trying to say is that we're all human beings, just like dogs are all dogs, but we all are different, different types, and so, no matter how hard I try and believe in myself, I can never be the strongest man on earth. I'm'm not built that way, and that's okay, right? Not everyone's going to be Michael Phelps, not everyone's going to be LeBron James, not everyone's going to be Kevin Palmieri, not everyone's going to be Alan Lazarus, nor should you. This podcast is built on an idea that you should be the best version of yourself, yourself, your own uniqueness, and to bring to self-belief. When you start going for things that are impossible for you, it destroys your self-belief.

Kevin Palmieri:

It doesn't build it or you just end up delusional. I'm gonna get in a. I'm gonna get in a fucking abercrombie magazine.

Alan Lazaros:

Can we real quick just to make me seem like less of a villain? Why do you think you can't be an?

Kevin Palmieri:

abercrombie model. Motherfucker. I didn't say I couldn't. I'm ready for it. You said I couldn't, so why don't you pull out the list?

Alan Lazaros:

they would have to change their demographic.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's all I'm saying why not short sausage like tattooed bodybuilders? You know if that's their marketing where's the?

Alan Lazaros:

magazine for us man, there's actually plenty. It's called bodybuilding. Uh, what is it? What's the magazine?

Kevin Palmieri:

for bodybuilding. I don't know magazines. You're better at bodybuilding, you have better genetics for bodybuilding.

Alan Lazaros:

That's why't know Magazines. You're better at bodybuilding, you have better genetics for bodybuilding. That's why I did men's physique.

Kevin Palmieri:

My father took steroids. I'm just saying.

Alan Lazaros:

I know, I'm just saying too, you, I think, are naturally inclined to have more muscle mass.

Kevin Palmieri:

I would concur.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, I would concur. Now, I'm not saying I shouldn't also try to lift heavy and be strong. I need to understand that I'm not going to build a ton of belief doing bodybuilding shows with the Kevins of the world, but aesthetic men's physique, which is why I chose that. I can win at that because of my genetics and I think self-awareness is where self-belief can be built, because when you go for things that are impossible for you, you're going to always feel like shit. Yeah, you're going to always feel like shit.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, you're setting yourself up for failure. Yeah, exactly You're setting yourself up for failure? All right, what's your lesson? What's your next level lesson before we get on out of here? Alan's got to go work the derg 200 different breeds of dergs, my next level lesson is oh, what a challenging conversation that would be if I had like a father who sat me down and was like dude, I know you want to be an Abercrombie model, but that ain't it, brother, it's like ooh God, you know how tough that would be yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

I mean, I don't, it doesn't compute for me.

Alan Lazaros:

I feel like I was. I think I feel've Kev. Come on, man. Do you know how many people told me I couldn't do shit? Yeah, but you have 10 out of 10 self-belief, sir, but I built it through being doubted my entire life and massive pain Also. True, I just I don't know, man, Like to me, I was told that actually by everybody in the class.

Kevin Palmieri:

I know, but they were wrong and pops, my pops in this hypothetical was right Like Kev oh Kev.

Alan Lazaros:

Kev, kev, kev.

Kevin Palmieri:

Kev, put gentle hand on the shoulder. I love you, son. Yeah, but that ain't it. That ain't it. You could be a stuntman. Yeah, you could be a stuntman. We throw you through plate glass windows, that's not a problem. Last thing, and then we'll give you your next level lesson maybe the sneakiest undercover diss ever by a grandmother. My nana has passed. She passed on many years ago. She said you should be a horse jockey because you're little.

Alan Lazaros:

Oh, nana she also biscuit little.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, keiscuit on her deathbed. She was literally in the hospital. I brought one of my girlfriends at the time on her deathbed. After that girlfriend left she said she ain't the one she ain't the one.

Alan Lazaros:

Kev. Nana had some wisdom. She was right, she was right. Nana was right, she was right.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because we're we're laughing a lot this time. We have a good time here. What is your next level lesson?

Alan Lazaros:

sir, the next level lesson is self-awareness is the first step to self-acceptance and self-belief, because it will help you understand what you should and shouldn't go for. And I don't mean shouldn't, shouldn't, as in you're not a person who gets to make your own choices. But you know, I'm not going to be. If I was in the NFL, if I had any possibility of being a football player, it would have had to be quarterback or wide receiver, like I'm. I'm tall and lanky, right. No matter how hard Kevin tries, no matter how much he believes in himself, he's not going to be tall and lanky.

Alan Lazaros:

So, trust me, I know someone who was in the nfl by accident, like the dude's a freak in the best way. Good for him, right. But we all have gifts and I just want you to find them and maximize them, because that's how the world becomes a better place and that's how you build self-belief. And everyone, I think, is more capable than we realize if they think short term. If you think short, you are so much more capable long term, mathematically speaking, than maybe you realize right now. And that's my calling, that's my favorite thing is I help people believe in themselves, but accurately. And the hardest part is when there is delusion to have to put my hand on Kevin's shoulder and say, hey, man.

Kevin Palmieri:

Son, you know, I love you.

Alan Lazaros:

You're a good look at your stud. You're not gonna be an apocrombe model unless they drastically change everything about their branding which maybe they have, I don't know. But the point is I hope that nobody lets the dream killers crush their dreams. There's a big difference between sincere honesty to try to help you and someone shitting on you out of a place of ignorance well said, thank you, brother.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well said, and I think ego would be well fuck abercrombie, it's dumb anyway. Dumb clothes mag hold magazines, dumb I don't even want to be in it didn't even want to be in it in the first place. Actually, exactly what you said in high school never wore it, never, never. Abercrombieie Hollister. I saw everybody doing it and I said, no, that ain't it, that ain't it, I can't do it.

Alan Lazaros:

Everybody else is doing it. I had a phase. I had a phase.

Kevin Palmieri:

We live in. We live in Massachusetts. What are we doing? Wearing California clothes Out here.

Alan Lazaros:

There's no beach.

Kevin Palmieri:

You know, take your sandals off. There's no beach. What are we doing? There's snow outside. It's the cool thing to do, man.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm joking. I am joking.

Kevin Palmieri:

The cool thing to do is, if you're a podcaster and you're looking to level up yourself, your podcast and maybe you have a business already or turn your podcast into a business, our group coaching round 18? Yes, sir, Next level podcast accelerator. So we have two different types of group coaching. We have the next level podcast accelerator, which is focused on level up yourself, level up your podcast, level your business. And then we have the original group coaching which we're going to have to come up with a name for, which is all personal development.

Alan Lazaros:

Next level life accelerator. Nice.

Kevin Palmieri:

Nice, that's nice. Next level life accelerator. Awesome Little N-L-N-N-L-A. I don't know why that was so hard. I almost got lost in my own brain there. This one is the Next Level Podcast Accelerator. So you get 12 calls. So there's a call every single week for three months. The first four calls are on Level Up Yourself. Second four calls are on level up your podcast, and then the final four are level up your business. So if you're a podcaster who's trying to get to the next level, join With the promo code we can give you. It ends up being less than $25 per call and Alan or myself is on every single one of the calls, along with the amazing Amy Strong work.

Alan Lazaros:

The link will be in the show notes. The only thing you missed is you didn't tell them the promo code.

Kevin Palmieri:

I I gotta reach out. You know you gotta send me some snail mail, something like that. You're gonna knock on the door a certain amount of time.

Alan Lazaros:

The promo code is nlu listener. Just like it sounds spelled.

Kevin Palmieri:

Just like it sounds nlu listener uppercase, lowercase doesn't Just, it's not case sensitive. All right, cool, as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU, we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros:

Keep it next level, next level nation.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thanks for joining us. Episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the.

Alan Lazaros:

Next Level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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