Next Level University

Here Is Why Accuracy Is So Important (2037)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Growth stalls when perception outweighs reality. In this episode, Kevin and Alan unpack why facing the truth—no matter how uncomfortable—is key to real progress. Expect real talk, honest laughs, and powerful insights to help you close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

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Show notes:
(2:54) Lessons from Ron Swanson
(4:01) Clarity brings pressure
(6:23) When dreams start to fade
(9:32) First jobs and early lessons
(12:05) Outside perception Vs. Inner truth
(14:57) Self-driving car metaphor
(20:36) The hard truth about awareness
(24:48) Join the Next Level Podcast Accelerator: Podcasters growing together. Level up your self, podcast, and business. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
(28:33) Why most people never start
(35:22) Self-worth built through struggle
(39:17) The pain-pleasure pendulum
(42:55) Compounding effort and belief
(45:01) Everyone needs some growth
(47:14) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

You've heard the saying ignorance is bliss. There's a little piece of me that thinks, occasionally, ignorance can be bliss. But unfortunately, the longer you live in bliss, I think, the higher the chances are that you wake up one day and realize oh no, I have really jiffed everything, haven't I?

Alan Lazaros:

I have a client who just got an aura ring. Many of my clients are in an aura circle, which essentially means we all get to see each other's sleep score, which is very cool. And she just got an aura and said holy crap, I don't feel like I slept well, but yet my numbers show that I'm doing really well. I got an 87. That is the definition of perception versus reality and it's really important for all of us to bridge that gap.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri.

Alan Lazaros:

And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Kevin Palmieri:

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Alan Lazaros:

Welcome to Next Level.

Kevin Palmieri:

University Next Level Nation today for episode number 2037. Here is why accuracy is so important. So you heard Alan mention in the beginning perception versus reality, and that's what I was alluding to. Talking about ignorance is bliss, because I think for a lot of us again there's there's the memes of if I don't check my bank account, it doesn't matter how much money I have in there, like the perception of, well, if I don't look, it doesn't matter. The reality would be more hurtful than me just guessing. I think that's just one of those very emotional ways to live.

Kevin Palmieri:

There's a scene in Parks and Rec and I've referenced this before, but it's one of the best and Ron Swanson is talking to Leslie, two of the main characters. Ron Swanson is a grizzled man, loves his whiskey and his steak, and there was a conversation and they were talking about the number of toes that they had and he said I have the number of toes that I have, essentially alluding to the fact that he was missing one. And the moral to the story was there was something, I don't know what happened. He dropped something on his toe or something and rather than going to the doctor immediately, he waited. And when he went to the doctor, they said, if you just came here when it first happened, we wouldn't be having this issue and you wouldn't lose the toe.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think that is perception versus reality. It's well, if I don't worry about this, it'll just go away. Or the perception of I don't really, I'm not really going to worry about it, it'll take care of itself when the reality of it is completely on the opposite front. So anytime I can put a Parks and Rec example story in, I'm going to do it.

Alan Lazaros:

You're smiling.

Kevin Palmieri:

You're smiling a lot. I am, you were. Are you trying to drop the gloves? You want to drop the mitts and get the fists a swinging? Is that what you're?

Alan Lazaros:

looking for. Why Are you trying to?

Kevin Palmieri:

I will, I will. I'd love to no.

Alan Lazaros:

All right, real quick. Yeah, perception versus reality. I just I smile because there's still this part of you that, like Wants to be ignorant 100%, yeah, 100%, I think accuracy.

Kevin Palmieri:

Accuracy is, is a pressure. Nobody talks about that, nobody talks about how.

Alan Lazaros:

Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, we talked about that we talked about that with clarity. We did an episode on how Clarity is pressure. Clarity's awesome. Oh, okay, cool. You're clear. You know exactly what you want out of life Awesome. Now, every time you don't do it, you get to feel like shit about yourself, and I think it's similar to this, too, where it would be. Sometimes it sucks having to trade in some of your childlike tendencies or childlike desires. Yeah, fair, that's all.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, that's the difference between an adult and a child, is a child doesn't have the responsibilities, right? What is the right amount of responsibility for a child? Okay, 2, 4, 8, 16. You're not allowed to drive until you're 15 and a half, or whatever. But it depends where you live, by the way, of course. So when did you first get your license?

Kevin Palmieri:

I got my license at 16. I think you can get your learner's permit at 15 and a half, so I got my license right when you could. 16 or 16 and a half, same. I do believe that, which is fucking crazy. That's what I'm saying. Crazy now that I think about it 16, that's what I'm saying, bump that up. Let's bump that up a little. Let's get that maybe 20 well.

Alan Lazaros:

So any of the parents listening. They're going to have a lot to argue on both sides of that. Some of the parents are going to be bump that up. That's too dangerous. Some of the parents are going to say I can't keep driving them around, that's fair, that's fair right so there's arguments on both sides. Okay, well, 18, is that too young?

Kevin Palmieri:

see how everything's too much, too little what about seven yeah, seven years old, seven, yeah, I'm kidding, obviously I'm joking.

Alan Lazaros:

All right, perception versus reality. Let's bring it back when were kids, we had the perception that our parents knew a lot. When we were children, we had the perception that our dreams and goals were possible. By the way, you and I have never had this conversation before. When you were really young firefighter, police officer, astronaut, like what did you want to be when you were really young? Professional wrestler, okay. Oh, yeah, that's right, that's right, that's right. Okay, did you believe it was? Was there a time when you were naive enough to believe that that was possible for you? Because, by the way, it is possible for you, but you, you'll see where I'm going with this. Yeah, was there a time when the whole world was open to you before it started closing in as an adult?

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, but not younger than that, I think. I think you lose it when you stop running around naked.

Alan Lazaros:

You know what I mean, my nana used to tell me that, so I've never lost it.

Kevin Palmieri:

My nana was my father's mother and while I never knew my dad, I knew her. I knew his mother and she used to tell me all the time how I would just get naked when I was a little baby I don't know how old I was and run around the beach and everybody loved me and it's like strange. But back then, everything is a possibility, everything is, everything is a possibility, everything, everything is a possibility, everything's an opportunity.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, all right, real quick. When was the first time when you started to face reality of like, oh, this is not gonna work out for me. Potentially when I this is a great conversation, by the way. I love this conversation. I didn't know we were gonna go there but, same. There is a point when you're a kid, when you go, oh, I am fucked, okay, like this isn't actually going to work right I.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think it was when I got into, when I graduated high school, probably before that I didn't really going back to the infinite versus finite thing like for me. I was just. It was like this is high school, this just a finite thing, and then eventually we'll leave here and then things will happen.

Alan Lazaros:

But I probably Things will happen. What's going to happen?

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't know. I assumed stuff would happen.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, stuff definitely happened.

Kevin Palmieri:

Nobody taught me. I didn't. There was. No, there was nobody in my corner teaching me like how it how it evolved when you were a kid, did you?

Alan Lazaros:

assume, everybody knew stuff. Yeah, of course, like adults knew everything.

Kevin Palmieri:

I assumed teachers again, if you're a teacher out there and you're doing good in the world, I love you. I'm not talking shit. I assumed all my teachers knew everything. I assumed all doctors knew everything. I assumed lawyers knew everything. I assumed everybody knew everything.

Alan Lazaros:

Compared to you, they did yes.

Kevin Palmieri:

But I assume they knew everything. I think for me, when I got my first job, the first job I ever had was not the gas station, the first job I ever had was at a butcher shop and I worked there for one day and I was like fuck this dude, I was doing dishes. And I was like, fuck this dude, I was clean, I was doing dishes and they're like we need you to do them as fast as humanly possible. It's like, okay, yeah, fair, but also get them as clean as humanly possible. And I was like those don't you, can't you get one or the other? I can't do both. And I worked there for one day. My buddy craig got me a job there. I worked there for one day. My buddy Craig got me a job there. I worked there for one day and then I no-showed them and then my uncle went with me to get my paycheck because I was afraid that they were going to be mad at me.

Alan Lazaros:

No kidding, I was a busboy and I am certain in hindsight that I was getting ripped off. For sure. You know you're supposed to count out the tips. So all the waiters and waitresses get together and they pool their tips and give the bus boy a percentage. There's no fucking chance I wasn't getting ripped.

Kevin Palmieri:

They give you a sleeve of a sleeve of Titleist balls on the way out. Here you go.

Alan Lazaros:

Congrats, brother, it's literally like the house was packed. I'm running around cleaning everyone's dishes. It's like a nice golf course, so I'm not. There's cleaning everyone's dishes, it's a. It's a like a nice golf course, so I'm not. Uh, there's a lot of people with their nose up to me. Who's this kid just trying to take my food? Um, are you done with that, ma'am? Oh, fucking brutal, right, and at the end of the night. And you're getting paid under minimum wage because you get tipped out.

Kevin Palmieri:

Quote, unquote, quote, right yeah, brutal and uh that was what'd you get, would you? How much were you with?

Alan Lazaros:

Dude, there's no way, I don't know. I mean, sometimes I would leave with probably $100.

Kevin Palmieri:

Was this 2007?

Alan Lazaros:

$2,007?. This was. I was 16, 15, 16, 16 years old 2006, 2007?. No 2007 2007 we were 18, sir, I wasn't. I'm young. I'm young, oh, okay, yeah, okay, so 2005, probably 2006, yeah that was a lot of money back then.

Kevin Palmieri:

Okay.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, we did okay, but I guarantee I mean the place was Well, that's how it goes Hopping, okay, the place was hopping. Anyways, back to perception versus reality. We are so wildly inaccurate about our perception and if you don't believe me, study the cognitive biases. There's a book called the art of thinking. Clearly, we just finished in book club and it basically is 100 chapters showing everybody where they're thinking inaccurately and Kev loves the book, huge fan. But remember, from the outside in, inside out. So there are people that we've met ex-Patriots, cheerleaders, supermodel in Dubai, people famous in the greater Boston area, millionaires, one billionaire, all these people we've interviewed, olympic gold medalists, I mean. We have met so many people from all over the world. Some of them we know well, some of them we know very well, some of them we know deeply, deeply, deeply well. Some of them have coached and I am telling you right now that the way that they are viewed from the outside in is significantly different than their life from the inside out. Significantly, I think the sign of someone who is extremely, extremely, extremely well developed is someone who tries really hard to live from the inside out. They don't try to.

Alan Lazaros:

When I was the most immature, I was trying to put on a show and I was trying to make it look like I was happy when I wasn't. And I did that for a short time and it was the darkest time of my life and it was when I was miserable. But I was pretending to be happy because I was insecure about being miserable. And there's the whole men pick on men thing and all that stuff. And you know you got to look strong, otherwise you'll be ripped a new one and that's definitely a thing. But as I've matured and grown and as I've learned how to succeed in my real life, I've tried really hard to allow the outside in and inside out to look the same. That's what I hope it does. I know that it doesn't right. There's someone I'm thinking of right now who's deeply insecure about her looks that everyone else thinks is a 10 out of 10. There's a lot of that. There's a lot of that going on. It's perception versus reality. So let me share why I think reality matters more than perception. I am so, so, so certain at this stage that if you are living in perception more than reality, you cannot make effective choices. I'll try to explain For the long-term listeners. You'll recognize this. For any new listeners. This is my favorite analogy.

Alan Lazaros:

Maybe ever I've been excited and I know some people aren't. Okay, I've been excited for self-driving cars for a decade. I'm a computer engineer. I went to a tech school. I worked for a robotics company called iRobot when I was very young. I am all for robotics and I also understand people's fears. I get it okay, but robots are coming. I'm I come from an industrial automation background. I've been in manufacturing facilities. That is just robotics, all right. So those are coming into our homes. It's going to happen, whether you like it or not.

Alan Lazaros:

It is what it is Now that said, I have wanted a self-driving car for 10 years. It has taken alarmingly long, longer than I thought it would take, because I think people are afraid of self-driving cars. Okay, they don't know how they work. They don't realize that, statistically, they're much safer than human beings. Okay, that's okay. Don't villainize me for this. I have a point. Let's imagine for a second you're in a self-driving car. Everybody, we're all in a self-driving car right now. We're together, we're bumping, we're doing it. We're listening to some music. It's all good, I'm singing to you.

Kevin Palmieri:

We're rocking and rolling.

Alan Lazaros:

Singing gently. Okay, so Kev the self-driving car. In order for it to get us to our destination safely, it needs three things. Oh, here we fucking go number one. It needs an accurate current location. You see, that's self-awareness. Okay, so perception versus reality. If it thinks it's a boat when it's actually a car, into the drink, into the, into the off the cliff, into the river, yeah, yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

Okay.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-awareness Very important. The second thing it needs is an accurate destination location. You guys everybody out there watching or listening you ever order food and they bring it to the wrong doorstep, of course, oh yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, until they get to know you. You know what I mean. I frequent not anymore, but I used to. They knew you can come right, you come right in.

Alan Lazaros:

You don't have to come right in, come right in. So they need the self-driving car needs an accurate current location and an accurate destination location. You know. What else it needs is an accurate update of the terrain. You remember back in the day, kevin, we had something called garmin, of course I invested heavily in them.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yes, no, in my, in my class.

Alan Lazaros:

Not with real money, but it was a winner, Big winner. So Garmin for the youngsters out there listening. Was GPS before phones had it?

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, and it was pretty terrible.

Alan Lazaros:

Honestly, it was In comparison to what it is now.

Kevin Palmieri:

It was atrocious. You had to make sure it was updated, because it did not, it was you had to bring it inside, connect it to the internet. Yeah, bring it back out.

Alan Lazaros:

It's a whole thing but again, better than maps, of course. So okay, and then there's map quest.

Alan Lazaros:

Remember that, of course, map quest always wrong, brutal, never got there yeah, brutal so if the perception of the tesla or whatever I have a tesla, so again, um, self-driving car. If the perception of the Tesla or whatever, I have a Tesla, so again self-driving car. If the perception of the self-driving car is that it's over here, when it's actually over here, it's going to take a left turn and crash Right. If its perception is there's a mountain or a road, when there's actually a cliff, it's going to drive off a cliff. If the perception is, hey, the destination address is an ice cream parlor and it's actually a I don't know wolf den, we're going to die or get eaten. Again, it's a metaphor, terrible metaphor, but it's a metaphor. Here's my point. That is the base reason why ignorance is not bliss. If you are ignorant, kev, let's say Kev knows nothing. Let's say he knows nothing about himself, nothing about others, nothing about the world. Okay, kev, what's your goal, man?

Kevin Palmieri:

What's your dream? Yeah, but see, the thing about bliss is you don't know that you don't know, so you don't worry about it.

Alan Lazaros:

But hold up, hold up Real quick. You do feel stuck, though you told me that.

Kevin Palmieri:

You're stuck.

Alan Lazaros:

Yes, why, but you don't know why.

Kevin Palmieri:

You don't know why you're stuck. Why is that good? I'm not saying it's good. I'm not saying it's good. I'm just saying there is a slight. I understand the whole ignorance is bliss thing. I get it, I understand it.

Alan Lazaros:

When you were in your mid-twenties, you had suicidal ideation because you felt stuck. You didn't know how to get out. Okay, let's say I took away all your knowledge. You know nothing about yourself. You know nothing about others. You know nothing about fitness. You know nothing about goals and dreams. You know you're not hyperconscious. You're on autopilot. Okay, let's say you have very low education. You don't know much of anything. You're not aware of how to fix a home. You're not aware of how to fix cars. You're not aware of how to get a job. You're not aware of how to do a resume. You're not aware of how to talk on a podcast. You're not aware of how to tell a compelling story. You're not aware of how to sell or market or brand or start a company. You're not aware of how to do any finances whatsoever.

Kevin Palmieri:

So those are all currently pretty accurate to this day as well. So that's good. Okay, that's not true, go on.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, all right, your stock, yes, well, okay, what would you do? What would be the first step?

Kevin Palmieri:

probably rob a bank, maybe. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm totally kidding brother, really seriously, what would you? Do? I don't know. I would probably do nothing. That's the truth. I'd probably do nothing I didn't do. I mean, back in the day, what did I do? I tried to make more money, assuming that would fix all my problems, and then, when that didn't, I had a mental breakdown and then ended up going in this direction. So I don't know I genuinely don't know Probably nothing constructive. I would probably escape into vice.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, which in?

Kevin Palmieri:

the moment feels really freaking good Until it doesn't, until it doesn't, until it doesn't yeah, but I just can't. I don't know for anybody out there. When it goes from it does till it doesn't, I think it depends. I could have a whiskey tonight. It's not going to affect me. I'm going to go hit legs tomorrow. It's not going to affect me perceptibly.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, it will.

Kevin Palmieri:

In some way it will affect you, but perceptibly, okay, it will in some way affect you, yeah. But but is it? Do I care? If how much it's going to, I don't? I mean I do. That's why I'm not doing it right, but like I don't know, it's, it's hard. It's hard because I think it's it's hard with with awareness, when it's like an all. I'm not saying you're doing this because you're not, but like an all or nothing so let's imagine you you don't like your body.

Alan Lazaros:

Let's imagine you are out of shape and you don't like it, and it bothers you every day. And let's imagine you know nothing about fitness. That sounds terrible. Yeah, that sounds terrible like, but I'm so pro knowledge it's not even funny I know, I know, I know, but there's a lot of awareness is everything.

Kevin Palmieri:

There's a lot of Awareness is everything, there's a lot, I agree. I agree, I'm not saying that's not the goal. All I'm saying is I just understand why ignorance is bliss, because if you know exactly why things aren't happening and then you don't do anything about it, I think it's worse than you not knowing why they're not going well and not doing anything about it. I'm convinced of that.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm convinced wait, wait, say that again, because by that rationale you would stay ignorant on purpose.

Kevin Palmieri:

Hold on, go ahead well, I don't know if I can remember what I said. I just got a massive migraine all of a sudden. I've gone too far. I'm convinced knowing how to do it and not doing it is harder than not knowing how to do it and feeling stuck.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't agree with that at all, because the first step is be stuck. Okay, we're all born we don't know shit. Everybody knows that. Nobody's born with knowledge, that's fair. Okay, right, nobody's born with knowledge, that's fair, okay. So then we go out into the world and we learn From our family, from our school, from our experiences right, okay, you learn how to walk, you learn how to play sports, you learn how to talk to people, you learn whatever language you learn, and so you go from completely ignorant you know nothing about yourself, about yourself, others in the world to then you have some awareness, and when you have awareness, you make better choices. And when you make better choices, you have more effective outcomes. You have more, you have more control over your own life, you have more ability to. Okay, when you and I go back and we look at messages that we sent to to girls back when we didn't know what the hell we were doing.

Kevin Palmieri:

Not good, brutal.

Alan Lazaros:

You just didn't know anything. Like I'm 36 now. I know how. I've coached a ton of amazing, incredible, empowered women. I know how women think Not all of them, I don't know everything, but way more than I did at 16. Like I could go back and talk if I was my mentor at 16. I would be able to help him so much for sure. All I'm giving is awareness, like awareness is is perception versus reality. I would basically just be telling him hey, this is what you think about yourself, and this is actually the truth. This is what you think about other people, and this is actually the. This is what you think about yourself, and this is actually the truth. This is what you think about other people, and this is actually the truth. This is what you think about the world, and this is actually the truth. Okay, now you can go win more. You can go succeed more.

Kevin Palmieri:

But there is a pain that comes with seeing behind everything. That's pain. It's like being on the opposite side of the carnival, like you go behind the scenes of the carnival, you go behind the scenes of the theme park and you see like, oh, it's kind of fucking dark back here. Yeah, it's brutal. That that's all I'm saying is. I can understand.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, there's a price. Yeah, that.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm not saying it's not better. I'm not saying awareness isn't the thing Like trust me, that is, you know me.

Alan Lazaros:

Awareness is everything you think of the stages. Stage one is naive. Just ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is childish bliss, okay, and then and then, after that, you get awareness, which is makes you kind of sad and oh, that's kind of dark, and that's that was wrong. Something's wrong about that right, and then you become cynical this is at least the phases I went through.

Alan Lazaros:

I get cynical, and then I get cynical and nihilistic, which is okay. Well, what's the point? If the world is screwed, is so screwed up, then what's the point anyway? And then you realize that that's terrible. So why not make it better? What? If I make it better, I can make the world better. Of course.

Kevin Palmieri:

And then you.

Alan Lazaros:

I think those are just the stages of everyone's journey.

Kevin Palmieri:

Nihil, and then you. I think those are just the stages of everyone's journey.

Alan Lazaros:

You know, nihilism, if you look it up, is basically hopelessness. It's well, there's no point, it's helplessness and hopelessness. Nihilism is basically I might as well drink, because the world is, you know, messed up anyway, but that's not wisdom.

Kevin Palmieri:

No, no, I know.

Alan Lazaros:

Like, if everyone does that, we might as well. I mean, we're all screwed right that we might as well. I mean, we're all screwed right, there's a lot of wonderful. I'm so convinced there's so many awesome people out there trying to make the world a better place, for sure. And we just happen to hear a lot more about the bad stuff, because that's what the news is doing is it gets your attention more.

Kevin Palmieri:

Next Level Nation. We would love to invite you to our 18th round of Next Level Group Coaching. It is the Next Level Podcast Accelerator. If you are a podcaster who wants to level yourself up, level your podcast up and level your business up, this 12-week program is perfect for you.

Alan Lazaros:

So we've done this 18 times. We've iterated and iterated and improved and improved. The first four weeks is level up yourself. The next four weeks is level up your podcast. The last four weeks is level up your business. Build a brand underneath your business. The promo code nlu listener all one word. Put that in at checkout for 30 off. It comes to less than 25 dollars per session for the 12 sessions. Kevin or I will be on every single one of them.

Kevin Palmieri:

We hope to see you there that is literally what my giant tattoo is. It's an angel and a devil playing chess for control of the world, and and the devil is winning, and that was like my thought process behind it.

Alan Lazaros:

Can you take us through your stages? What were yours? Ignorance.

Kevin Palmieri:

For sure, that's definitely mine. I mean, we're born ignorant.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, ignorance is the start, Then it's awareness, but like sadness, awareness. I said this to a client recently you know how I know you're growing. You're very sad, you're very sad. This is when you know you're growing. When you're sad for others more than you're happy for self, that's when you know you're really growing. I don't agree with that Because I'm very sad for others but I'm very empowered in self. It depends on your perspective.

Kevin Palmieri:

Okay, talk to me. You're always surprised when you find something out about someone. I'm like dude, of course. Of course. What did you think? What did you think? I think it depends on what your relationship with understanding humans is.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, when you, okay, so you're going to achieve a lot of your goals and dreams, right.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yes, that's the goal.

Alan Lazaros:

That's the goal, yeah, and you have a high degree of certainty that you know how to do that and or are going to figure out how Everything's figureoutable. Quote unquote within reason. Okay, when you are around people who you know aren't going to achieve their goals and dreams and they're going to struggle forever, that doesn't make you sad.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't think it makes me any more sad than it did in the beginning. No, no, because again, I'm convinced that there are, I'm convinced that you could sit someone down and give them the exact steps to do and they just they're not willing to trade in certain things to do it there's no way, that's true, I'm, I think it is, I think it is.

Alan Lazaros:

There's a way with anyone I know.

Kevin Palmieri:

There's a way.

Alan Lazaros:

You just haven't figured out how to get through to them yet. It's not my job.

Kevin Palmieri:

That I agree with. We're on the same page about that.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not running around saving everybody?

Kevin Palmieri:

I know, I know, I know, okay, but it just doesn't surprise me. There is a way.

Alan Lazaros:

Just because you haven't figured it out doesn't mean there's not a way Like anyone can transform.

Kevin Palmieri:

I understand, but I'm just. I'm playing the statistics game on it.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm just, I'm always playing that, anyone?

Kevin Palmieri:

can, but not everyone will. Anyone can if they're willing to do their own unique, if they're willing to escalate through not knowing and then realizing you don't know and then fear, chasing and then starting to build belief and then understanding like I'm starting to believe in myself, but I fucking have no self-worth. What's that about? I need to work on that. I just think the process of getting up to the stage takes so freaking long that I think a lot of people aren't willing to do it. That's just what I'm convinced of, not saying people can't. I just think that.

Alan Lazaros:

Do you think they should?

Kevin Palmieri:

If they can get to the point where they know it's worth it. Yeah, and I'm convinced if they could get to that point, then they would do it Right. That's the issue. I think that's the biggest issue.

Alan Lazaros:

So then, how would you okay, all of our listeners out there watching or listening. Let's assume for a second, just hypothetical, that all their dreams and goals are possible. Let's assume they're all reasonable goals and dreams. Okay, how would you help them see that it is worth it?

Kevin Palmieri:

Probably paint a. Let's sit down and talk about what you want your future to look like. Like, let's get really specific. Not what do you want? How do you want to exist? How do you want to show up? What do you want your days to look like? What do you want your nights to look like? How do you want people to feel when they're around you? Who do you want to go to sleep with? Where do you want to go to bed Like? Where do you want to get up? What do you do first thing in the morning? Let's talk about that, not what we're going to acquire as humans. That doesn't matter that much. Yes, it helps with quality of life and you can buy nice shit, but that's going to get old. How do you want to show up as a human? Cool, if I could guarantee that's where you show up. This is where things get wonky and Alan and I have disagreements. If I said it's in 30 fucking years, that number goes down tremendously.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, but it's not in 30 years. That part is what if it's in 30 years for all of it. But what if you can get 1% of it tomorrow and then 2% of it.

Kevin Palmieri:

No, that ain't enough. No, that ain't enough.

Alan Lazaros:

Seriously no, that ain't enough. But this all comes down to you. Go to the day. I go to the. The life time Makes sense, right, it's the future. So To me it was always and again we're taking you guys Behind the scenes, guys and girls. I would, I would go to the True North Star and then my life Would be a byproduct of it. You would go to the day you want and then try to design that. Yeah, because I don't know what the life's going to look like, but you have a vision board on your desktop background. The problem is and this is the journey versus the destination conversation, and I know we're perception versus reality, so I'll bring it back.

Alan Lazaros:

But Kevin and I at Next Level Live, we pulled up our vision boards and Kev said hey, everybody at Next Level Live, shout out to anyone who came to Next Level Live. We pulled up our vision boards and Kev said hey, everybody at Next Level Live. Shout out to anyone who came to Next Level Live. By the way, thank you so much for the support, thank you for being there it was awesome. And thank you for staying for the full six-hour day. I mean, that was unreal. And for those of you who do want access, reach out to us Because, kev, I know you wanted to announce this For people. There was someone who reached out and said, hey, I couldn't make it, is there?

Kevin Palmieri:

any way I could buy it. Yeah, somebody reached out and they said can I buy it if I didn't register and I didn't come? I was like I think so. So yeah, we're going to put it on the website, Yep, as like a course. And so for everyone who did attend.

Alan Lazaros:

We are not giving this away to anyone for free. Okay, we want to. Okay, yeah, yeah, but they can't. If you are out there watching or listening and you want, uh, so, anyone who did buy a ticket, you're going to get the whole thing, like we promised, for no extra charge. Your ticket counts for that. For anyone who didn't come and didn't buy a ticket, we are going to sell it for the same price as everyone who attended paid.

Kevin Palmieri:

Okay, we want to make sure that we're fair on that and if you attended you got more value. Anyway, yeah, because you got the breakout sessions and all that stuff.

Alan Lazaros:

So yeah, 100 okay, so where was I going with that? Okay, so there was a part during next level live where kev kev said okay, everyone in the chat, I want you to guess whose vision board is whose? And he we put up two of them. One of them is cars and homes and a dream body and that kind of thing. That was kev. Mine was a mountain with sort of mission, core values.

Alan Lazaros:

Uh, I think it was metrics, subjects and priorities, and some people believe it or not, got them mixed up right. Um, but the point that I'm making here is you have a vision board, you have this dream life that you're working toward and you have to give up, in my opinion. Again, I want you to come back at me if that's the case, but, like, you have to give up perception in order to get those things, you're going to have to face every hard truth there is, for sure. In order to get those things, you're going to have to face every hard truth there is in order to make effective choices, in order to get those goals and dreams. To you, that's worth it. Why, to others, is it not?

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't necessarily know, because I don't know there are other. I maybe I have certain traits or characteristics or attributes that make it a little bit easier the ability to look in the proverbial mirror and say I really suck at this. I need to get better at that. That's a skill that's developed over time and I just think that I don't know. I don't know Because I think what is required to be sacrificed in order to get there isn't worth getting there for a lot of people.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, I think that, and it's understandable, so it's not that the vision board is a bad thing or future orientation is a bad thing. It's the wrong vision. Yes, Right. So you would say what would make it worth it? But here's the philosophical problem You're not going to know if it's worth it or not until you go for it Well, I know, but that's why starting is the hardest part.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think that's why it's easy to get stuck, because it's like am I going to?

Alan Lazaros:

have to give up. If you could go back, what would you tell your younger self about this? Like listen back. What would you tell your younger self about this? Like, listen if you could go back and this is maybe paradoxical is very deep. It's getting hyper conscious. If you could go back and knew everything it would take, I bet you you wouldn't have done it.

Alan Lazaros:

It's possible so by the time you learn what it's going to take, you're already so far in that you're willing to keep going. It's like forrest gump. It's possible this Came this far Might as well. Keep on going.

Kevin Palmieri:

I didn't know this was going to be so hard. I had no idea it was going to be this hard With everything like fitness and relationship. Taryn and I had a talk today. It's like I'm out here jeffing, we're doing a rebuild, but we haven't had a date night. I don't seen her. I've seen her today, but not really. You know, I've been working all day so I didn't know this. But now it's like oh okay, now I'm at a place where, hopefully, I have enough skills and enough emotional intelligence and enough vulnerability and communication where I can fix that. Cool, we'll work on that. What needs to shift? But it's way for every one thing that gets accomplished in the external world, there's like 10 awarenesses that have to get broken down. So much of this is just an internal game.

Alan Lazaros:

But here's what you get. You get self-belief and self-worth.

Kevin Palmieri:

I know, I know, and you get self-esteem and self-respect. You don't have to sell me, no, no, self-worth, I know, I know, and you get self-esteem and self-respect.

Alan Lazaros:

You don't have to sell me I'm no. No, I know I'm not telling you. I'm selling it though I am. I am, I'm selling it reaching your potential, I'm convinced you.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't think you start there, though no, no, no you, I think you start climb.

Alan Lazaros:

You gain self-respect, for sure, and you gain self-esteem and you gain self-worth and you gain self-belief through struggle and challenge and failure and facing yourself and all that kind of stuff. Make sure you get help, therapy, coaching, whatever. But like it is better than the alternative. I think like it is. It definitely is. I'm convinced it is better than the alternative, but it's gonna be brutal it's better, but it's not like you think it is.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's for sure that I agree.

Alan Lazaros:

We agree 100 on that. Yeah, and I think it is that's for sure that I agree with. We agree 100% on that. Yeah, and I think it's. It's definitely not what people think.

Kevin Palmieri:

It was better for me for sure, but I understand, Growth is hard. Growth is so hard. It's so hard to look at all your inadequacies.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, you and I years ago, we said is there ever going to be a time where we look at a challenge or a problem we're facing in business or in life, where we don't sit there and go yeah, I just have to get better? Probably not Dude, and that's heavy, it is.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, it is, it's heavy, that's the truth, though I know that is the only constructive thing you can do, but if you're somebody who has, for your entire life, not felt good enough, the last thing you want to say is that's a hard reality to face. That's a really freaking hard reality to face. How do you do?

Alan Lazaros:

it. You never felt good enough. That's why I'm always asking I'm the man now? No, but seriously.

Kevin Palmieri:

I didn't have any other choice. You and I started this Honestly. It's because I love this. This is a dream. This is my dream, not all of it though not this part, not the 10 o'clock recording on a Friday. I didn't know this was going to be part of the dream. I don't think anybody did you probably did you, son of a bitch, but everything that comes with that is awesome. And, yes, I fully agree. What's the word the other side, the opposite? What's the word I'm looking for?

Alan Lazaros:

I don't know. Paradox.

Kevin Palmieri:

No, no, no. This is so much better than the alternative. Oh, the alternative.

Alan Lazaros:

So much better than the alternative.

Kevin Palmieri:

But if I didn't get all the way to hell no suicidal ideation, getting heartbroken, having an eating disorder, like all of that dude would I have been willing to push the chips in and say, ah, let's give this a shot and see what happens? There was nowhere else to go. I was as low as you can get. I think that's a big piece of it. We always this is the last thing and then we're going to go, because if I don't go to bed at 10 o'clock, I got to get up at 6 to do legs. I'm going to be fucking grumpy tomorrow. We talk about this a lot the pain, the pain, pleasure pendulum. Just imagine one of those old school.

Kevin Palmieri:

We haven't talked about that in a minute. Imagine one of those old school clocks your grandparents had, one that had the thing that hung down and swung back and forth. The pain-pleasure pendulum is a thought that we had that the further it swings to one side of pain, the more you're able to swing it back in the opposite direction in a similar way, towards pleasure. This was always my example. You go to work on Monday Worst fucking day ever. Worst fucking day ever. One of two things happens Either you quit. Monday or Tuesday gets a little bit better. A little bit better. That's better than Monday. Wednesday's hump day Halfway home. Thursday's Friday Eve. Friday comes, fuck it, let's tear it up. Saturday and Sunday We'll escape Monday. Same shit.

Kevin Palmieri:

If on Monday you get into a fist fight With your boss, you're gonna quit that thing Cause it swung all the way and you're more likely To say you know what Fuck this I'm gonna do something completely different that I'm not even freaking qualified for.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm on one right now. I just went through hell at this last job. I'm gonna give it a shot and see what happens. I think at times we get stuck kind of in the lukewarm middle of yeah, this is bad, but I'm not gonna make any massive shifts here, and I don't. I don't, I'm certainty driven. I don't want to take any massive shifts here and I don't, I don't, I'm certainty driven. I don't want to take any big risks. I think the further you swing into pain but here's the thought the further you swing into pain, either, yes, you can catapult back over to pleasure, or you get stuck there for a while.

Kevin Palmieri:

And I think that's when we talk about lack of self-belief, lack of self-worth, lack of self-belief, lack of self-worth, lack of community, that I mean. That's a. It's a deep conversation for sure, because there's a lot connected to it.

Alan Lazaros:

Here's the last piece for me, if you don't know what the next five years are, I mean okay, you and I have this conversation often. It's hard, it's tough, we're having a hard time, we're challenged, okay, but it's all relative and it's not nearly as hard as it was. At one point at least we have money in the bank and that kind of thing, right, but what? Here's the problem, as it gets okay. So just for perspective anyone out there watching or listening there was a time when kevin and I were getting only four listens a day. The entire first year we only had 1057 listens, which again, all things considered, not that bad that's pretty good pretty good.

Alan Lazaros:

Now we get more than that sometimes in a day. Okay, so what we accomplished in 52 weeks, 52 episodes, we now accomplish a lot in a day. Here's the paradox. Here's the problem if someone isn't convinced that it's gonna be better eventually or worth it, they're not gonna find out that it actually would have been.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, this episode opened with my client who just got an aura ring perception versus reality. She thought she was getting bad sleep and the data shows in 87. It shows that she actually is getting good sleep. Here's the deal either the data is wrong or she's wrong. What if her sleep has always been good but she's never compared it to anything objective? What if, back in the day, when you only slept four or five hours, you thought you know, okay, it's not that bad. Well, now you are aware of what it's like with nine hours. So now you know that you were jeffing before. That is the base problem of humanity is we don't know what we don't know until after we know and then we can look back. That's why I'm always talking about my regrets because, in hindsight, it's very, very obvious.

Alan Lazaros:

Why does that matter? If I can look back at the past and learn from it, I can now change. Right now, everyone's sleep is what they have experienced. Oh yeah, I'm getting bad sleep. Compared to what? What if your bad sleep is my good sleep? What if my bad sleep is your best sleep you've ever had? What if you feeling right now as an athlete? What if you feeling really good right now physically? What if that's my four? What if your 10 out of 10 physically is my four? Right, we don't know. Everything's relative. This is Einstein's theory of relativity. Here's my point.

Alan Lazaros:

There's something called a bow tie where you put level 10 effort in in the beginning for zero results, and then you put level nine effort in for one result, and then you put eight and two, and then seven and three, and then six and four, and eventually it flips and eventually it's like holy crap, I'm putting level 5 effort in and I'm actually getting level 5 effort back. I would say we're almost there in business. Okay, we're almost there because we used to put level 10 effort in in the beginning and get zero results. It's also because we were ignorant, didn't know what the hell we were doing, but that's where everyone starts, okay then, eventually it flips and it's like okay, I can only put level two effort in and I'm getting eight back.

Alan Lazaros:

Okay, I can put level one effort in and I'm getting nine back. Oh, I can put no more effort in. And now I'm getting 10 back. And I used to use this as an example. Joe Rogan can never podcast again and he will still be more successful than us for the rest of his life. Here's why he started earlier. That's the compound effect. Here's the base problem. If you're not certain that you're eventually going to be able to enjoy your quality of life, why would you put in level 10 effort for zero results? That's why math is so powerful. Nothing's wrong with you If you're out there starting a dream, starting a business, starting a fitness regimen, starting a new relationship, whatever it is. The level of effort in the beginning has to be level 10 for almost nothing in return, except for a relationship because of the honeymoon phase. But that's a whole other conversation.

Kevin Palmieri:

The hard part. Last thing, before we get out of here if you're somebody who values friends, family relationships and that type of stuff, that's where I think it gets stuck in. It might not be worth it, because how long are you willing to potentially sacrifice those? That's where it's hard. I mean, it's easy for you and I to say we don't have that many friends, yeah, and we didn't have really big families either. We didn't have really big families by design, for the friends thing by design.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't know, man, yeah, no, no no, I didn't choose the way my family went, that's just the way it went.

Kevin Palmieri:

Hey, me neither man, but by design for friends. You and I had the conversations earlier. I was like brother. I know you think all these people are going to be around. They're not. I'm certain they're not. They can't, it's not going to work. I let go of that years ago. I let go of that a long time ago. How did I know? I don't know. But if I valued friends at 10 out of 10, I would be miserable. Now would we have done things differently, I'm sure, or I would have said dude, dude, this ain't for me.

Alan Lazaros:

I can't have both. But I've contemplated that and yeah, I mean for me, I would.

Kevin Palmieri:

I would regret not reaching my potential more. I wonder how many people out there would regret the opposite yeah that's fair. That's all I'm again. Oftentimes, alan, I'll get off here. It's like wait, do I care? Kevin, do you care about growth at all on that episode? Like no, I do. I just I want to make sure that we're not trying to get people directly immediately to your end, all the way. Yeah, of course. No, no, I'm not trying to get people to my end.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah no, we're trying to find your own unique center point in all of this.

Kevin Palmieri:

We're sharing the whole spectrum. It starts with self-awareness.

Alan Lazaros:

I look around, brother, brother, and I think a lot of people are very, very unhappy, and I've been there and I think that I'm certain of this some growth needs to be a part of everybody's life, I mean that I concur with that. I can some personal development needs to be. I mean, it's going to help. It's going to help tremendously for sure. Yes, the question of how much and how often, and that's a we're all in, so we're biased we're.

Kevin Palmieri:

I mean there is all. There is all in and we're all in and we love it.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's facts we love it big fan personal development myself, same same, but I do think a lot of things have aligned nicely for us to really go all in on it, and or we've aligned them right, both, right, both, but cool all right. If you're somebody who's looking for more personal development, even more than seven episodes a week, even more than however long this episode was I think this was like a 50 minute episode, maybe an yeah, maybe 50 minutes. This is a long one. We have a private facebook group called next level nation. There's posts in there every day. You know us at nlu, if we do something, we try to do it consistently. So there's posts every day and it's just a cool with positive people. So if you're looking for positive people in your life who are into self-improvement, that's where you can jam out on some personal development. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We'll talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros:

Keep it Next Level, next Level Nation. Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. We love connecting with the next level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow tomorrow.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host