Next Level University

1 Thing Most TRULY Successful People Have In Common (2044)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In this candid episode of Next Level University, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore why truly fulfilled and successful people often master this balance. They share insights from a client’s reflection after interviewing 26 guests, highlighting one surprising trait they all shared—and unpack how self-awareness can lead to confidence rather than anxiety, if nurtured the right way. With humor, honesty, and plenty of real-life stories, this conversation will have you reflecting on your goals, habits, and mindset.

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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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Show notes:
(2:44) Self-awareness Vs. Self-consciousness
(4:35) Can you be fulfilled and fake?
(6:49) The power of asking “Is this accurate?”
(8:29) What do you know for sure?
(10:54) Self-awareness creates self-confidence
(12:19) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(14:52) Skills, awareness, and resources
(16:03) Control, feedback, and personal growth
(18:07) Donuts, diets, and discipline
(21:54) Is ambition without effort arrogance?
(22:20) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

I watched one of our clients podcast episodes today and it quite literally changed my perspective on success and how to achieve success. And I think it's one of those interesting things where oftentimes, when you gain in something, you also gain in something else. So maybe, as an example, when you gain in self-belief, oftentimes you increase arrogance, but what we're going to talk about today is actually kind of the polar opposite of that.

Alan Lazaros:

The correct order, in my opinion, is self-awareness first, self-acceptance second, self-mastery third. What is not in that equation is what we're going to talk about today, which is self-consciousness.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus. At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth. We bring you a new episode every single day, on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free. Welcome to.

Kevin Palmieri:

Next Level University, next Level Nation. Today, for episode number 2044, one thing most truly successful people have in common I said it weird One thing most truly successful people have in common. Whatever, I said it weird One thing most truly successful people have in common whatever Truly, truly, that's what we're talking about today.

Alan Lazaros:

So, as I mentioned, what do you want? How certain were you I was going to screw that cold open up.

Kevin Palmieri:

I was fairly certain you were going to screw it up. I was this close. I was supposed to say self-improvement instead of self-mastery.

Alan Lazaros:

My brain was like uh, just say something.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, you said I never would have noticed. I never would have noticed. I was. I was reviewing one of our clients podcast episodes today and he is.

Kevin Palmieri:

He has a degree in philosophy, he's very successful in real estate, good human and one of the things that he was talking about so he was talking about the it was like the seven lessons he's learned from 26 podcast episodes. So he he set a goal to do two years straight, every single week, and never miss. And he said so technically. I'm at the halfway point of the first year and I wanted to do an episode on what I've learned. And he went through kind of the six lessons and they were all really good.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't remember most of them off the top of my head, but this lesson, when I heard it I was literally taking notes and I was like we have to do an episode on that. He said most of the successful people I have had the opportunity to interview have accomplished creating a really high level of self-awareness without creating a really high level of self-consciousness nice, and I was like, oh, that's interesting, it's good shit. And then he went into self-awareness is how you perceive yourself. Self-consciousness is how you think other people perceive you and the reason he almost had me, don't know.

Alan Lazaros:

You're like that no, no, I don't think that's true, but I think there's some truth to it. I took notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

I took notes, so that might not even be exactly what he said.

Alan Lazaros:

These are my notes you took gold and made it worse.

Kevin Palmieri:

These are my notes. I was in a hurry when I was doing it, but the reason we labeled this episode truly successful is because you can 100% achieve external results and be self-conscious. Would you ever know that person was self-conscious? No, but we've met a lot of people who externally have a lot of quote unquote success, but internally are not fulfilled. They're super scarce. They don't know how they got to where they got. They're very, very self-conscious, so, and or completely full of shit. Well, yeah, yeah, but I don't know how they got to where they got. They're very, very self-conscious, so, and or completely full of shit. Well, yeah, yeah, but I don't know. I don't know how many full of shit people are really self-conscious because I think they're like delusional. So it's like, well, um, whatever, I'm the best, yeah despite any evidence to the contrary.

Alan Lazaros:

Yes, yeah, which is why I don't think they're fulfilled. I don't think this is. This is my thesis. It's a theory. This is not scientifically backed yet. This is just based on my own experience. I don't think you can be full of shit and fulfilled.

Kevin Palmieri:

What if you delude yourself into thinking you're fulfilled? Nope.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't think that works, because the only way to be fulfilled I believe I could be wrong about this is the triad we created, which is grow to your potential, your unique potential. Impact others in a meaningful, positive way with that potential and then have a higher quality of life that gets better over time, and I don't think you can do that while being full of it. Yeah, just because, again, this is mind, body, heart and soul. I think all of those have to be in alignment in order for someone to be fulfilled, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual parts of our nature all need to be in alignment. But that's a side tangent. So I said this to my client earlier.

Alan Lazaros:

I think this goes really well with this episode and the quote correct me if I'm wrong, kev is the people who found true success, meaning they are successful not just in wealth, but in a holistic nature, and fulfilled. They have high self-awareness. But without high self-consciousness, nice, I agree with that very deeply, based on all the people I've coached, based on my own experience, you, everything. It's really strong, really strong. I said this. This person said it isn't about the investment, but more so if the book is credible and whether or not I'm going to learn accurate information. I don't know the difference between what's actually good and credible and what's bullshit. Like someone could write a really good book about the earth being flat, but it's inaccurate and, by the way, that is inaccurate. The world is not flat despite what the flat earthers think.

Alan Lazaros:

So how do you know whether or not the book is credible? That was my question. Again, I don't trust myself yet with choices like that. I appreciate the humility that's the value of having a coach Ask me. I got you. Now I have to read this fucking book, figure out if it's credible. I'm kidding, I said let's discuss this on our session today.

Alan Lazaros:

That question is deeply important to contemplate and this is what I said. That is a great dominant question to have, one you're constantly asking yourself is this accurate? Is this accurate? Is this accurate? That should be running on repeat in your head like your favorite song, forever, along with where might I be wrong? What doesn't make sense? Yet, what am I missing? What is actually accurate and what is not? Where might I be lying to myself? What might I be running or hiding from? What isn't that person saying? What is that person actually thinking? Et cetera, et cetera, and the list goes on and on. Forever and ever, spending your life in constant contemplation. This is why Aristotle said the unexamined life is not worth living. This is the base reason why most people are unfulfilled. They are living unexamined, surface level lives where they aren't actually in any control of themselves or their outcomes.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's been a long time since I've gotten an Alan Lazarus message of that length I have been not coaching you quite as much as I used to. I remember those the good old days.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, I can see why that would sound exhausting, but the truth of the matter is, is you have to be constantly seeing where you're wrong? Everyone's whole life should be oriented around where am I missing? Where am I wrong? What doesn't make sense yet, and, to the point of this episode, if that makes you self-conscious, that's why this gets so difficult. Because she had said to me well, what about someone who struggles? Because when they see where they're wrong, what if they think they're wrong about everything? That creates anxiety. I said, oh well, you're not wrong about everything. Okay, let's start the opposite then. Where am I right? What do I know for sure?

Alan Lazaros:

Oprah wrote a book called what I Know For Sure and I read it a while ago and again, I don't necessarily think it's that good. I'm not trying to be unkind to Oprah. I think it's probably worth a read for sure, but I love the title what I Know For Sure. She did thousands of interviews with people from all over the world. She wrote a book called what I Know For Sure. I think that's really important.

Alan Lazaros:

All of us should have what we know for sure. I have a list of principles that I'm curating that I think are true to me and these are the things that I know, that I know that I know that I know are sound. These are the things that always hold up. That's what truth is. It always holds up and that's why you and I correct each other all the time, because I'll say things like well, everyone needs to work hard. And you're like well, not everyone right. So this podcast can be really annoying at times, because you and I are always trying to say things that are accurate and sometimes, when you get on a run, it's well, if you want to be successful, you have to work hard. Well, there's some people that are lazy as shit, that fake it, and you know so we.

Kevin Palmieri:

That's why it's so hard that's why I almost. I almost never take a stance, because there you can find somebody who's 20 years old, who's a multi-millionaire. It's just very, very rare.

Alan Lazaros:

It's very rare. That's why it's like well, 80 percent it's it's, I know yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think that's why my goal is almost it's almost to like interject and say no, no, I know, if you're out there, you probably follow somebody who's in their twenties who's way more successful financially than you are I know, I do for sure. Well, probably less now, because most of that is not necessarily. I don't resonate with that type of content anymore. But, okay, we can have that discussion. Then we can say, yeah, yeah, I know, I know who you're talking about, but this is how they did it and they're the 1% of the 1% of the 1% of the 1% of the 1%. The odds of getting there are just so statistically low. Like they're an outlier, they're just an outlier. What do you think self-awareness is the the prescription to the medicine for Like? What does it solve for? Self-awareness solves for what other than ignorance? Great question. I'm a bit of a philosopher myself, for sure, on a Monday here.

Alan Lazaros:

For sure.

Kevin Palmieri:

What is self-awareness solve?

Alan Lazaros:

And what does it create? I think it creates self-confidence in most cases, but only after it creates self-consciousness. This is a difficult topic for me because when you first become aware let me give you an example. Okay, so I lifted my shirt up today at the gym because I was sweating like crazy. It was really hot because in the spring gyms all are trying to refigure out. It was just hot as hell and Emilia and I are just sweating, sweating, sweating. And I lifted up my shirt to wipe my face and I saw myself in the mirror and I was, ah, okay, there's a little self-awareness there. It's feedback, it's okay, I'm, I'm okay, but what the fuck? Right, a little bit that at first it creates self-consciousness. There's a little bit of come on man, like are you in a cut or what are we doing here? And then after that it builds self-confidence because what you do about it Now? Now I know, now I have the awareness, okay, my six packs not back, yet it. Now I know, now I have the awareness, okay, my six pack's not back, yet I have to eat less. So it's this weird duality of first you have to feel the pain of the fact that you didn't realize you were fatter than you thought, and now that you know you're fatter than you thought, you can now do something about it, assuming you have self-belief and the awareness of how to do it. And so self-awareness creates the opportunity for more control, but only if you handle it well.

Alan Lazaros:

Hello, hello, hello. Nlu listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to Next Level University. Real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think you were talking about I don't know exactly what you were talking about before owning truths, and I think the more self-aware you are in a category, the easier it is to own that truth, Because you.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think, it's based on self-belief? I think so, but I also think it's based in self-awareness, because the more In order to get to like a let's say you're at a level two in something right now the only real way to get to a level three is to get the self-awareness and the world awareness to get there, and then you're going to fail at that level and it's going to bring more self-awareness of like oh, when I fail at this level, how do I respond? So I think it just you kind of need internal self-awareness and external world awareness to level up. Agre, internal self-awareness and external world awareness to level up.

Alan Lazaros:

Agreed, yeah, and then skills and then resources. We have that little triad we taught a triad at Next Level Live of awareness, skills and resources, and goal is in the center. So if you want to achieve a goal, you need the awareness of how to do it. You need the skills to actually implement. You can be aware of how to give a speech and still be terrible at speaking. And then you need the resources, meaning the stage, the clothes you can't go up there naked you can?

Kevin Palmieri:

I guess you could. There's a market for that for sure. Yeah, 100%. That might be the play. Maybe we're missing that out. We should start there.

Alan Lazaros:

I am not good, I'm not doing it, that's not for me. Okay, I went on stage. Both of us did fitness shows where we were nearly naked you far more than me.

Kevin Palmieri:

I had board shorts on.

Alan Lazaros:

It becomes normal after a while, right, ben's physique? Yeah Well, in that environment it is normal, right? But you avoid feedback. I think it all comes down to how much internal, how much. There's something called the lotus of control. I've talked a lot about how in control do you feel of changing it? If you feel like you can't change it or can't do anything about it, you'll naturally avoid the feedback. So it's all predicated on how much control you feel you have, and the amount of control you feel you have is based on your awareness and skills.

Alan Lazaros:

Like you and I were talking right before this, next Tuesday I have a podcast. So I have a business meeting with Kev and then a podcast, and then group coaching, group 18 connection session, and then immediately an interview for being an adjunct professor, potentially at my alma mater, for a leadership course, and then immediately a speech, all back to backs with no breaks. And the old me wouldn't have been able to do that well, I would have done it, but I wouldn't have done it. Well. And again, well is relative. It's the hardest thing in the world to explain it. So I'm still gonna jeff that, I'm gonna fuck that up for, but to what extent? Way less than I would have in the past. And it depends how you look at it. Mess it up compared to who, yeah, and it's okay. Well, why don't you give yourself space in between those? I want to see if I can do it. That's it. I would rather just take the L's and just grow from it, because I think long term that's a good thing, but that'll bring self awareness to my point of this but it won't necessarily. It might bring some self consciousness.

Alan Lazaros:

So I think that if you don't have high self belief and you don't believe you're in control of the outcomes, I think you're going to play scared forever, yeah, and you're not going to want to look at like no one's going to want to lift up their shirt and look at the fact that they're fatter than they thought, unless they feel in control of how. You know, because I just know I have to eat less, like I've been eating more, like I'm in a cup and I like to eat. I'm a big fan and I just know. Okay, come on, alan, you don't have to eat so damn much. You know, alan, you don't have to eat so damn much. Just be in a cut, for fuck's sake. But I've also done fitness for 10 years. I remember when I didn't feel in control of those outcomes as much as I do now. So I think it's all predicated on control. But without self-awareness you have very little control. So it's that duality.

Kevin Palmieri:

Isn't that such a weird thing that you have so much control that you almost allow yourself to practice less control?

Alan Lazaros:

I was thinking of that, taryn. I think it's arrogant. I get arrogant. Yeah, I think that's arrogance, personally.

Kevin Palmieri:

Do you See? I don't think so. I think for me it's. I told. I told Taryn I was talking to my buddy at the gym today. I was talking to Bruce at the gym. Bruce is a 79 year old bodybuilder.

Alan Lazaros:

That's awesome.

Kevin Palmieri:

So the man, he's like ah, I hit an upper chest today, I need it. And he just laughs. It's like Bruce, you say that every day, buddy, every single day, you say that You're good, you're crushing it, man. We were talking about how. He said how much are you going to keep dieting? And I said I'm at 176. I'm probably in 175 now. I said I'm going to go to 170 and see what happens. And he said, oh man, I don't know. And I said, honestly, it's not that bad yet. It's not, it's not really that.

Kevin Palmieri:

I mean, Taryn went yesterday and got me a couple of donuts. I had two donuts yesterday. Did that slow my progress down a hundred percent? But it was like, yeah, I'm okay with that, I'm. I feel like things are trending Right. I said I'd rather suffer for a longer but less than for shorter but more. And that's something new, like that's a new self awareness thing for me, of like it's really, I will go to the gym in the morning, I'll have a protein shake and then I don't eat until night. I just don't eat for the rest of the day and then I have a big meal.

Alan Lazaros:

I think you're starting to feel what it's like to believe in yourself at such a high level that you do get a little arrogant like dude. The humble thing to do would be to not eat donuts. The arrogant thing to do is to say I'm in control of it anyway.

Kevin Palmieri:

so oh, I disagree. It depends on the goal. If I was in a fitness show, that's why I was eating barbecue chicken pizzas before my show.

Alan Lazaros:

I thought I could win even while doing it. Well, that's different, I was.

Kevin Palmieri:

I wasn't lean enough, but you were going against other people. I'm going against the scale. The scale's not changing. I know what the scale's going to do. It depends on the goal. For me, there's not a certain date, that's why I didn't do the 10 pounds.

Alan Lazaros:

Isn't it arrogant to not have a certain date?

Kevin Palmieri:

No, I don't think so. So it's just based on standards, then Is it arrogant to go for a ride and not know where you're gonna go? No, not if you're not.

Alan Lazaros:

if you're a good driver, you're a good driver no, no, but it is if you have goals to achieve. I think there's a little bit of hubris in that. Again, this is not the point hubris is such an interesting word.

Kevin Palmieri:

I love that word yeah, hubris means arrogant yeah, but it sounds it sounds better.

Alan Lazaros:

So I actually think that just driving around aimlessly is a little bit arrogant.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't know.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't know if I Because your future is taking a huge hit and you wanting to believe otherwise is actually but that's.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm just using that as an analogy, I know, but that I think that that I'm just using that as an analogy.

Alan Lazaros:

I think If I had a fitness show.

Kevin Palmieri:

I would say it's arrogant If I had a fitness show. I would say it's arrogant If there was like a date where I have like a massive goal. This 170 goal is not that it's less meaningful than I thought it was, but it's more meaningful in other ways, so arrogant would be you assuming you could do whatever you want and still hit 170, right, yeah, I used to say this to people all the time it's I'm.

Kevin Palmieri:

I used to say this to people all the time it's your goal. So if you come to me and say, hey, you know, I want to take a month off of podcasting, you do that. That's up to you.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm not going to tell you there's no part of you that thinks that's a little bit arrogant If they want to be a successful podcaster and they take a month off of podcasting. There is a little bit of hubris in that.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think it's. I think it's ignorance oh yeah, I think it's okay, so I do dumb shit knowing it's dumb yes, yeah, yeah, okay maybe that's why I think it's arrogant what I, what I will tell someone, is just so you know. You're competing with people like us who, yeah, yeah, we're not gonna miss, so you're you're in trouble potentially okay.

Alan Lazaros:

Do you think it's arrogant to do it anyway and still think you're gonna win? No, not if like no not if you.

Kevin Palmieri:

it depends on what you value more. If you value winning more, yes, Okay. If you value lifestyle more, no. That's a good discussion, yeah.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't think so. I don't usually make like. When I make bad choices, it's usually knowing they're terrible choices. It's knowing that this is when I was doing what I was doing with the fitness show that I lost, I doing with the fitness show that I lost, I knew I was riding the lightning I knew, like I knew, I was risking losing the show.

Kevin Palmieri:

See, I didn't know I would get stomped that badly.

Alan Lazaros:

I think that's arrogance yeah, well, so knowledge if you are aware that there are podcasters out there that are like that, are working way harder than you are and you still think you're gonna win while being lackadaisical? I do think there's a little bit of hubris in that.

Kevin Palmieri:

Either that, or you're just not aware of how competitive it actually is if you, if you came to me and said, yeah, I just want to do the show, I don't really care like whatever, I don't care if I place yeah, eat all the fucking pizza you want.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, whatever you're still gonna do the goal, then I think I think it all depends on the goal. For me I don't. I'm in a good place where, like, I'm making really good progress in my fitness goals and I'm not suffering a ton and I like I'm just gonna keep riding this train the way it's.

Alan Lazaros:

But if your goal was to reach your potential. Would you say that what you're doing right now is a little bit of hubris?

Kevin Palmieri:

no, because I think it think it's the juggling act of lifestyle and goals. If my lifestyle is crumbling too much, I'm not going to reach my potential anyway. Nice, so that's okay. We got to go because Alan has book club. We're recording this on Saturday. That's why we have the Saturday energy. Next level Dreamliner Link will be in the show notes. Next level Nation. If you're looking for a group of like-minded humans, we have a meetup coming up in a couple of weeks. I don't know what it's about, but once we know we'll let you know. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. At NLU. We don't have fans, we have family. We'll talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros:

Keep it self-aware. Next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros:

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow. You.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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