Next Level University

If You Only Chase What You Want… You May NEVER Get What You Need… (2049)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Where needs rise above wants, transformation begins. In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan explore how wanting comfort, fun, or recognition can sometimes hold you back from the real growth you need. They share personal stories about partnerships, success habits, and facing uncomfortable truths that unlock true potential. If you're serious about reaching your next level, this conversation will help you rethink what you're prioritizing—and why.

Learn more about:
Next Level Nation -
https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Free 30-minute Coaching Call with Alan - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-business-breakthrough-session?month=2025-04

_____________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:21) Fun as a byproduct, not the goal
(3:05) Why what you need matters most
(4:45) Clarity, blind spots, and goal setting
(6:30) The hidden costs of chasing looks
(9:00) Courage, humility, and next-level growth
(12:07) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(14:39) The frustration audit method
(17:11) Why chasing wants can backfire
(22:08) Facing what you hate to succeed
(23:31) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

If I'm being honest, I wanted a different business partner. I wanted somebody who liked to hang out. I wanted somebody who was fun and funny Not that Alan isn't but I wanted somebody like me. The unfortunate truth is I needed somebody who is quite literally the opposite of me, and somebody that I needed, not wanted necessarily.

Alan Lazaros:

Kevin, and I do not believe that the reason you are not more successful, aka at the next level, is not because you don't already believe enough in what you already believe. We believe there might be a blind spot or a self-awareness thing, or you don't understand something, and I think that takes humility.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success Self-improvement in your pocket every day, from anywhere, completely free welcome to next level university. Next, all the nation. Today for episode number 2049. If you only chase what you want, you may never get what you need. We were on a podcast right before this. What can I do for you?

Alan Lazaros:

oh, I just when kevin was saying what he was saying in the open. If you're on youtube, look at my face. That's super bad. Oh, I'm not the business partner you wanted. I'm obviously joking, but of course not. Of course, fun is not the fucking goal, man well, not for you, not for the kid.

Kevin Palmieri:

I like a little, I like a little fun you know we have fun but yeah, but I like more of it.

Alan Lazaros:

I'd like some more of it that's like saying hey, I need you to listen to my, to laugh at my jokes. No, no, no, laughter is a byproduct of a funny joke.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, you do need them to laugh at your jokes if you're going to be a successful comedian, though. Yeah, but it's a byproduct.

Alan Lazaros:

You can't force someone to laugh. You can't force fun. I think fun is a byproduct of a great journey.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's a whole nother episode. That is a whole nother episode. Why are we talking about this today? Alan and I were on a podcast shout out to don don. I don't know how old don was don's younger than us, I believe. Great episode, alan and I and don, and just great questions. Kev start. You can answer this one. Alan, answer this one. One of the questions he asked was how did you guys get to the place where you knew working with each other was worth it and like it was actually going to work? What was the actual question? Do you remember Something like that right?

Alan Lazaros:

It was very much that.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, Okay cool.

Alan Lazaros:

I think it was strong work, was it? By the way, don, if you are listening, what's up, man? Nice, nice that was nice. He listened to today's episode. I think that was probably to prep for the interview.

Kevin Palmieri:

But he might still be listening. Well, shout out to Don Don's good people. I said Alan is not the business partner I wanted, but I think Alan is the business partner I needed, and I think that is kind of a universal thing. Most of what you want might not be what you need. Alan has a quote if what you needed was what you wanted, you'd already have it. I think that's dumb as shit. I think it should be. If what you wanted was what you needed, you would already have it. Yeah, that's good. Is it better?

Alan Lazaros:

Probably there's microscopic thinker and microscopic thinker. Some people are divergent thinkers and some are convergent. It all depends you say in big words I can say like constancy noble. I can say big words too no, but seriously, I tend to reverse engineer everything, so I say things backwards so a lot of people work like second minute, hour, day, week, month, quarter, year, decade.

Alan Lazaros:

I, my brain goes decade and reverse engineers interesting. So that's why, a lot of times, the things I say make no sense to most people. I've been on the receiving end of that for eight years. Some of the stuff I told you, though, back then making a lot of sense now, huh.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, they say when this when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, that is, that is factual information, that's not bumper sticker, shit. That's real. The teacher was already there. No, the teacher was terrible at teaching, that was the problem. And the student was terrible at learning it was both. It was both ways what from from some of your experiences with clients. What are the most common times where you see somebody pursuing what they want at the expense of what?

Alan Lazaros:

they need. Yeah Well, the first thing, and I like the metaphor of the kiosk at the mall. We've done this before. You walk into the mall, you get a little kiosk there and you think you want to go to Microsoft. You actually want to go to Apple. It says you are here with a big red arrow. You're actually not there and the escalator is broken. So you got to take the stairs.

Alan Lazaros:

And every time there's four types of people. I coach, I'll go quick with it. There's someone who comes to me. They know exactly what they want, they know exactly what they need, they know exactly how to get there and they just want me to help them do it faster. That's the rarest type.

Alan Lazaros:

The other three types are I know who I am, but I don't know what I want or how to get there. The other one is I know what I want and how to get there, but I don't know who I am. I have low self-awareness, I have blind spots. The other one is I know who I am and I know where I want to go, but I don't know how. That's very common. Most people don't know the how. A lot of people that are clients of mine, they can see the now and they can see the in-between.

Alan Lazaros:

And so what I try to do to answer your original question clarity. I'm constantly injecting clarity and belief Constantly, and first you have to figure out what someone's not clear about. So we're going to do an episode after this on goal setting. A lot of people have the wrong goal because it's based on what they think they want, but not necessarily what they really want. Why do they think they want it? Because it looks awesome, Almost always. Because it looks awesome Like, for example, this is a simple one, but it does look awesome to be ripped and have a six pack. But you don't want that unless you really want to be ripped and have a six pack. But you don't want that unless you really want to be starving.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, it's to constantly be hungry.

Alan Lazaros:

Basically and it's the plot thickens too because not only are you going to be constantly hungry, but you're also going to be scarce, emilia. I'll tell you the real reason why I am not dieting. Well, emilia doesn't like when I'm scarce.

Kevin Palmieri:

You get scarce that fast when I'm dieting I get scarce, I get scarce pretty quick, dude.

Alan Lazaros:

one of the reasons why I can perform optimally for lack of better phrasing as this version of me is because I get to nourish myself. Often, dude, when I'm malnourished and in a deficit for too long, I do, I get. I'm less optimal, I'm less. There's an optimal stopping problem. If you eat too much, you're not going to. You're going to be full all the time and tired and lethargic. But if you eat too little for too long, I do, I get. I get scarce, I get more intense. See, for you, dieting might make you more intense, but that's good Cause. You're not as intense. I'm already 10 out of 10 intense when I'm dieting, dude, it's like it's too much, it's too much but I?

Alan Lazaros:

what are you affected? I'm hungry, and does that make you more focused?

Kevin Palmieri:

or less, I would say more often you got some high self-awareness here more often than not I would say more, but to it I mean it can become a detriment. I don't do. The thing is I don't do physical labor. I used to do physical labor and diet. That was terrible. I couldn't even walk up the stairs I was so tired. Now I'm in an office day, so it's really not that. It's not nearly as bad.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah Is what I would say. Do you do better, do you perform better, in a surplus or a deficit?

Kevin Palmieri:

For me it's a surplus, for sure, I don't really like being in a surplus. I don't like eating more than I need Really.

Alan Lazaros:

I do from a fan from a. It. It feels good, but I don't. I feel so much more abundant, I feel so much more full. I feel bigger, but you're also shorter, right, I'm tall and lanky, so of course I want to feel bigger.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, well, and that's I mean, that's a whole. Nother, we're not going to do an episode on bodybuilding, but that's kind of I mean you could use that in a bodybuilding context too. If you always want to be skinny mini, then you're not building muscle, and that's a whole thing.

Alan Lazaros:

How does our listener? The question that we're contemplating right now is how do the listeners, how do we, how does the collective we, figure out what we need? That's a good question to ask, like what do we need to get to the next level? I'm asking hypothetically I.

Kevin Palmieri:

I saw something the other day and it was essentially whatever you needed two years ago is most likely still what you need. It's just a different version of it. So probably that what did you need two years ago? It's probably the same thing, probably the same exact thing, just just elevated a little bit. I need to be more organized. I'm the most organized I've ever been, for sure. For me it's more courageous, for sure. I think it's always going to be.

Alan Lazaros:

I feel like such a coward a lot of the time. Same, like some of the things I post. I still have a little bit of that. No one cares, and that's's true. They probably don't, but I still should post. Some people don't, yeah, and I still do. I force myself to post it anyway. But it's like, alan, you care, you know you care about fitness and these exercises and all that kind of stuff I've been liking it. I know I have past friends rolling their eyes of here's another, you know here's Alan bench pressing again.

Alan Lazaros:

I of. Here's another. You know I've been like alan bench pressing again liking your shit. You know I appreciate it. See you come through. I have a video right now, though, with 175 likes and not 175 views on facebook not a single like it doesn't surprise me, yeah me neither.

Kevin Palmieri:

I mean again, unfortunately it's just unfortunate.

Alan Lazaros:

What is it up to now?

Kevin Palmieri:

one second I have 186, I got two likes nice I think on one of them I have a take you're not.

Alan Lazaros:

You're not one of them. Hammer on over there for me. I'm kidding, I the truth is is like it's not gonna stop me from doing it and it doesn't detrimentally, like I'm not in bed crying about it, but it there's a little part of me that's yeah, that's kind of sad.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, going to this episode I was trying to inspire and motivate people you are. But if you only posted it to get likes, you may never understand that. It's not about that yeah, I didn't right.

Alan Lazaros:

I just posted to get likes. There's just a small part of me that no, no, I know I'm not saying what's the point.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm not saying you did, I'm just saying just as an example to make it, uh, appropriate for today's episode. So what do you need more of? For me, it's courage, millions of dollars and cars. Courage is one for sure. I need to accept the fact that being disliked is not the end of the world. That's probably mine right now. There's, um, oh, my God, it's there's a dude who dislikes you.

Kevin Palmieri:

I need to. I got a. I got a story for you. There's a dude at my gym and he just he just is, just says toxic shit and just he's an annoyance and I'm not a fan. I'm just not a fan of this person and I told Taryn, like at one point he's like he's talking about how he sells Viagra's to people. He's like a hundred dollars. It's like, dude, what I'm trying to get my workout in, man, like what are we doing here? I don't care, I don't care about what you're talking about. So I told tyron, I said I'm intentionally going to start being a dick to this guy I said it's extremely uncomfortable.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't like it. I want to be nice to everyone. And at one point he said he came up and interrupted me and he's like am I that much of a dick? And I said you are more of a dick than you think you are Good for you and it was a really good exchange, because nobody gives him that, so it wasn't bad. It wasn't like he was coming at me and I could crush him very, very simply, very simply, I could crush him, so that helps.

Alan Lazaros:

Hello, hello, hello. Nlu listener. Thank you, as always, for listening to Next Level University. Real quick. I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner. This is a journal that I use every single day. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It breaks down your dreams into goals, milestones and daily habits. We hope you enjoy it. The link will be in the show notes and I will not.

Kevin Palmieri:

I will not energetically intertwine with him, I won't look at him, we're not making eye contact, I will not, I'm, I will not talk to you. Good for you. Unfortunately, I was leaving the gym yesterday and I had my AirPods out and someone I just heard someone. I know a lot of people at the gym. I heard someone. They said you headed to work. So I just turned around really quickly and it was him getting out of his car and I said you headed to work. So I just turned around really quickly and it was him getting out of his car and I said I own my own business, I'm always at work. And he said ah, I know the feeling. I hope you have a great day anyway, my friend.

Alan Lazaros:

I know the feeling I'm selling a bag right out of my van. Yeah, you really got it going. I'm a bit of an entrepreneur myself.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'm a does own his own business. Who knows? He says that, but it was different. It was a little bit of different. He didn't. Is he toxic or entitled In general or in that conversation?

Alan Lazaros:

In general yes, both.

Kevin Palmieri:

Then we're good with it. We can, but not in that conversation though. Oh, in that conversation it was very much like he knows. I'm not willing to put up with this shit anymore. If I only chased what I wanted and me wanting to be liked, I would have to fit into a certain box to be around that person, I would have to pretend to be somebody I'm not. I would never 100, I would never get the courage, I would never get the understanding, I would never get the certainty in staying centered in who I am. I think that's a really good example. What you want is probably on the other side of the uncomfortable thing that you need, that you keep pushing away, pushing away, pushing away. We pursue what we want. I think we oftentimes run away from what we need, which means we're also running away from what we want. We just don't know yet.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah.

Kevin Palmieri:

Unfortunately.

Alan Lazaros:

I need to. Another need that came up for me I need to learn how to. Emilia is always asking me for feedback and things she can improve and I Excuse me. I keep. My brain has a lot of things.

Alan Lazaros:

I'm doing something lately called a frustration audit. I've been doing it with my clients. Anyone can do this, by the way. I highly recommend it. You just write down everything that pisses you off About yourself, others, your life, your house, everything that I'm talking. I don't like my fucking toothbrush, like everything down to the minute. And then you just look at the list and you say I could just buy a new toothbrush. Awesome, let's do it. And then you create a to-do list based on the frustration audit.

Alan Lazaros:

I think it's a really cool thing genuinely, because every one of us, no matter how much you love yourself or how much you love your partner, there are certain things where it's yeah, we could fucking change that and your life gets so much better. I'll give you an example. I got my razor, the one with the three, the little buzzer, the new buzzer I've been talking about Dude. I love it, it takes me. Dude. I used to shaving cream with the whole thing. It took me. Now it takes me not three minutes, done once a day, probably probably a minute and a half. Love this thing. Little tiny tweaks can make a huge difference. So what was my point of that? Oh, what you need is on the other side of whatever's frustrating the hell out of you probably or insecurity that I think negative.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't say negative feelings because that's like a blanket statement discomfort at, maybe at the ego level or insecurity level. That's probably a suggestion of a need that you don't have yet, that you're not willing to work through the. You've never been willing to work through the discomfort yet. I think that's a big piece of it too. Like when you and I used to do interviews together. I wanted to feel like I was the leader. I wanted to feel like I was the host. I needed significance, I needed certainty, doing that enough and being in situations where I just wasn't allowed me to let go of what I wanted and then just lean into what I needed of. Okay, right now I need a little bit of discomfort, I need to sit in it and I need to realize it's not the end of the world. And that done me.

Kevin Palmieri:

I will say this chasing what I have needed has delivered me way, way, way more beneficial things than ever. Chasing what I wanted yeah, same, and it's not even freaking close same. Most of the stuff I wanted created situations I didn't want and I didn't really need. So much of the dumb shit that has happened in my life was based on stuff that I was chasing what I wanted, not what I needed. It created things that I didn't need and I didn't want.

Kevin Palmieri:

And I think that's what. If what you wanted was on the other side of you, facing the things that you needed but have never been willing to look at? That would be my my next level lesson for this episode. I know this is kind of it can seem like pie in the sky, but think about it if you wrote down a list of what you wanted and then a list of what you needed, how many of those would actually cross over? That's first question. Second one is how many of what you wanted is buried within what you need, or who you need to become, or who you need to, what you need to level up, what you need to let go of all that Like?

Alan Lazaros:

I feel like it sounds super simple, but obviously it's more complicated this to be true, and I do think that to some extent we need both, but I wanted tons of mentors and coaches. I've had mentors and coaches more than I needed, for sure. You didn't have enough, in my opinion. You didn't want mentors and coaches. You did want a therapist, and I think you needed mentors and coaches about success way more than you needed a therapist.

Kevin Palmieri:

I needed a therapist and I didn't want one. I don't know about that.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, it depends what went, what time we're talking about right what timeframe, but now for sure, I think we all need both. I think I recommend both for everybody, but I wanted mentors and coaches. I needed a therapist, and I think you wanted a therapist and needed mentors and coaches, and I do. You need accountability but not want it. I have one client last piece. I know we gotta go. We we're doing a commitment device, essentially. He paid for 12 sessions and I said I'm gonna dock one of your sessions if you don't run a mile a day. He's running a mile a day. Shout out to Brandon, this is, is not Brandon? By the way, brandon was the inspiration for this. I showed this client that Brandon is on. He's coming up on a thousand days of a mile a day. Shout out to Brandon, my man Brandon. I know we're doing an episode about him soon, potentially. So anyways, brandon, mile a day, coming up on a thousand days. Congratulations, brother.

Alan Lazaros:

My other client and I talked I have this new group in Aura where my clients are in there with me. We're tracking each other's sleep score. We were going through our stats. My cardiovascular age is apparently seven years, rounding up lower than my actual age. So I'm apparently cardiovascularly 29 years old according to aura. Okay, his isn't as high. I think he's four or three, I think it's four.

Alan Lazaros:

And he's like dude, I got to exercise, I gotta, I gotta fix this, I gotta. Cause we were comparing our stats. I said why don't we just have you run it? When were you the most consistent at exercise? And we went through it, went through it, went through it. I said why don't we just have you run a mile a day? He's like really. I said, yeah, let's do it. He's like I don't know man, let's do a commitment device just for one week. I'm talking you in one week. I'm talking seven miles, one mile a day.

Alan Lazaros:

And he's, he's good at running. This is not that big of a deal for him and I'm gonna take away. I'm gonna dock. You are agreeing, and I wrote a town. We did this whole thing. I'm gonna dock you if you don't do it. You got to be honest, integrity with self and me. I'm gonna dock you an entire session. You lose that money. If you don't do it. He's gonna do it. I'm certain he's gonna do. It's gonna. I'm certain he's going to do it. It's going to be great.

Alan Lazaros:

What he needs is accountability. We all need accountability. We just don't want it and if you go for what you need rather than what you want, I have one client who's so humble she is so focused on what she needs right now she doesn't want it. Half my coaching sessions she doesn't want to be on. She knows it's what she needs. She's humble enough to say I suck at this. You're really good at this. I need you and I need long-term strategic thinking and I need to learn how to do it and I don't want to be here, but I need to be here and I think that that's just a very humble thing to do. I think it takes a lot of humility to get a therapist or a coach.

Kevin Palmieri:

I, I agree, and I think, as long if you know that going in, I think it's super beneficial to know that so much of what you it's like, what you want, is delayed, that's. I mean, you can eventually get what you want, but you got to do all the things that you need. There's so many things that you need. First you need to become, you need, but you got to do all the things that you need. There's so many things that you need first you need to become, you need to do, you need to practice, you need to be consistent at like so much of, but that's why it's it's so hard, because it's like, well, how long do I have to do that before I get what I want? It depends. It depends on a lot of things. It depends on a lot of things. For us it was eight years, but not really because there were certain, there was levels along the way, right, so all right, what's your next level lesson before we get out of here? I know we got to pop here.

Alan Lazaros:

Want love hate framework. Want to be in great shape. Love weight training. Hate dieting. Want more clients. Love one-on-one coaching. Don't like falling down the rabbit hole of social media. Love one-on-one coaching. Don't like falling down the rabbit hole of social media. A lot of what we want in life is on the other side of what we hate, and what we hate is often what we need. Last, last last thing I'll say is I just started tracking expenses. I'm tracking expenses for the business every single day. I hate it. I don't like doing it. It's terrible. We need to do it. I want to track how much income. I like tracking that. But I need to track expenses because there's little things that slip through the cracks. Right? We? Oh okay, we both don't need that. All right, this, we could consolidate that. Okay, we have 16 canvas. I'm joking, but what I need is to track expenses.

Kevin Palmieri:

What I want is to be successful mentioned several times in this how he helps his clients. So if you are somebody who is looking for extra accountability, extra necessity, awareness, deeper understanding, strategy, reverse engineering, all that stuff alan has coaching slots available. We'll have his link in the show notes for that. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at nlu, you don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros:

Keep it Next Level, next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros:

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host