Next Level University

You Can’t Outperform Your Emotional Maturity (2058)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In this heartfelt episode, Kevin and Alan explore the quiet power of emotional maturity, the strength to stay grounded, the courage to be seen, and the wisdom to grow through every storm. With raw stories and real reflection, they share how owning your emotions shapes not just your business, but your relationships, your leadership, and your life.

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Show notes:
(2:19) Humor and seriousness behind the scenes
(5:59) Being playful Vs. being taken seriously
(7:36) What emotional maturity really looks like
(10:04) Raised by women: A different lens
(12:16) Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:  https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt
(15:48) When emotional maturity finally kicked in
(17:32) Lessons on emotional strength
(19:01) Vulnerability Vs. Emotional reactivity
(20:53) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

It blew my mind when I thought of this, because I know of some fairly successful people that are wildly immature but they're not successful in ways that I think most people would actually want to be successful. They look really successful but I don't think they feel successful and I think the people around them know that behind the scenes they're actually a different person than they show in front of the scene.

Alan Lazaros:

So I actually do believe you can be very successful in one narrow area while being emotionally immature. I do not believe that you can be holistically successful in health, wealth, life and love, both externally and internally, unless you are more emotionally mature.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus. At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day, on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success.

Alan Lazaros:

Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation today for episode number 2000. In 58, you can't outperform your emotional maturity, or maybe you can in one silo. Based on what Alan said there, I feel like the reason I think this is a valuable topic, the reason I think this is worth talking about, is because when we think of quote unquote success, I think most people think of arrival so you have arrived and there's no longer any work to do. My thought process is every time you get to a new level, you get a new level of feedback. You have to take a new level of uh, level of responsibility. You have to take a new level of ownership. You have to have a new level of maturity.

Kevin Palmieri:

You and I we've we've been talking about this a lot recently where, like you and I don't really, yeah, we joke and we giggle on the podcast all the time, but behind the scenes we're very serious. Yeah, and we we take things very seriously. And, yeah, when times get hard, I try to make alan laugh, because that always makes life easier. But I'm convinced the reason that we have gotten to like this very specific level we're at right now is because you and I have gotten way more mature over the last, even the last quarter. We're way more mature in May than we were in January and I think when we get feedback, we're handling it more maturely. When we have tough conversations, we're handling it more maturely. I don't think you can get beyond the level you're at without being more mature. I don't think it. I don't think it's sustainable to do that.

Alan Lazaros:

That's my thought you know what I just thought of? What did you think of? What movie is it? Where is it it it's an Adam Sandler movie. I'll give you a grown up.

Kevin Palmieri:

Is it Happy?

Alan Lazaros:

Gilmore or Billy Madison? Is it grown ups?

Kevin Palmieri:

No, definitely not. That would be right on the nose if it was.

Alan Lazaros:

It's like oh, grow up, I'll give you a grown up or something like that. Anyways, I don't know why my brain just went there. I'll give you a grown-up or something like that. Anyways, I don't know why my brain just went there. One of the biggest challenges that I've been facing as a business coach is how do I be myself but also be taken seriously? Emilia and I on the Conscious Couples podcast. You and I on this podcast, we're very playful, we're joking, we're laughing, we're fun.

Kevin Palmieri:

But do you think that's different than emotional maturity?

Alan Lazaros:

I don't think that we're emotionally immature when we're doing that. I don't. I think it's sometimes can be seen. It's very hard to be seen. So I'm someone who I have certain clients that are multimillionaires and I'm trying to help them grow. One of my clients is going to hit 3 million this year.

Alan Lazaros:

It's very hard to fuck around with you on this podcast and talk about Uranus like you did on the last episode and laugh at that and also be seen as this prepubescent semi-intelligent like I. It's hard. People put you in a box. Yeah, you're either really smart or really funny. You're either really in shape or really uh, driven you're. That's the wrong, that was bad, but that was inaccurate is what that was? Because you have to be driven to be in shape. That's what I said in the last episode. The point is is everyone puts you in kind of a so you were the funny guy Still a long time. You were the funny guy and you still are.

Alan Lazaros:

But here's the deal you just got a client that pays a wild amount of money per month to make sure that we take their work seriously and that the scope of work gets done and it gets done well every single time. How do you be taken really seriously but not lose the authenticity of. I love the fact that you're funnier when times are hard. I think that's great. I actually think one of the reasons why we've been able to endure so much pain and suffering on this journey is because you're funnier when we're struggling. But I also I don't know if, behind the scenes, people understand how serious this is, and I've been realizing this lately. I did the monthly meetup last night, two nights ago. If you're listening to this, three nights ago. If you're listening to this Because this is now Sunday.

Kevin Palmieri:

This is Monday. This is Monday, okay, four nights ago.

Alan Lazaros:

It was last Thursday. When I start talking about NLU, from the, the metrics, everything's tracked, everything's by design. The inside out is very serious, very serious to a apparently a drastic extent, like more than people think, and some of the team members have said that to me. Behind the scenes I said what did you think we were from the, from the outside in, and then what do you think now? And they're like, oh my God, I mean, I never thought in a million. Oh, okay, so from the outside in we look playful and fun and funny, but, dude, from the inside out we don't miss, we can't, we will not miss, and I'm trying to figure out how to.

Alan Lazaros:

The Conscious Couples podcast is really hard for me too, because Emilia and I are very serious, we have a very serious relationship, but we also are fun. We dance, we listen to Disney songs together. I am so playful with her it's not even funny. I mean, we're constantly laughing. And I literally went into her office earlier today and I kind of put on this sort of playful yes, would you like to dance? And that's all fun, but that's behind the scenes. And then all of a sudden we're on the mics and we're all serious and it's annoying for me because our relationship is 10 times better behind the scenes than it is in the front of the scenes. You and I's business is 10 times more serious behind the scenes than it looks from the outside in, and I think that I want to be authentic everywhere. That's not what I'm saying, but I do think this is a very big challenge, and so I don't know if that's the point of the episode.

Alan Lazaros:

But emotional maturity sometimes can seem overly professional. I think emotional maturity in real life is you can play with your ego. We can joke about certain things. Kevin and I in the past we would sort of put our arms up and flex on them and we were playful with that. There are some people that actually do that, thinking we really are trying to show off. They actually think that you're doing that and I mean whatever right, that's just what they do. But other people have done that that were maybe less mature and it's oh, you, you don't's just what they do. But other people have done that that were maybe less mature and it's oh, you don't understand. And the ladies in the room, they can tell that we're being playful, whereas other people are actually like that, you know, and I think that emotional maturity is something that's hard to put your finger on and hard to develop.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, even if it's, I guess my perspective and what I'm trying to come at it from is how do you respond? How do you emotionally respond to things as opposed to, I imagine, giving a child's? You ever seen Richie Rich?

Alan Lazaros:

I actually haven't. I know that you you've referenced that many times I don't know why I haven't seen it. That seems like a movie I would have seen as a kid. Yeah, I feel like you'd you'd enjoy it still.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's been a long. Probably it's silly, but I'm sure I watched home alone over the holidays.

Alan Lazaros:

I enjoyed it a lot it's a great fucking movie.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, it's phenomenal. I like the first one better I do yes, first one's definitely the goat, it is the goat. Second one, they kind of reeled it in. And then third through seventh or 15, whatever number they're on, they were just like.

Alan Lazaros:

I never saw anything past two, of course not, no that's good.

Kevin Palmieri:

You shouldn't. Don't waste your time. Macaulay Culkin, the second he left everything left, but he's Richie Rich. Macaulay Culkin's Richie Rich, pretty pretty freaking mature for a little kid in that movie, had to be. He's richy, fucking rich gotta be. He's gotta be pretty emotionally. What does that mean? He, his, he's super wealthy, his family's super wealthy, and like they're at. There's one scene where they're playing baseball and the helicopter comes and picks him up. Like the helicopter lands in the middle of the field to pick him up or drop him off One of the two. It's like cool, good for you. But his parents, I think, get kidnapped.

Kevin Palmieri:

I might be making all this up. I haven't seen this, this movie, in a long time. I think his parents get kidnapped and he has to save him. He is super emotionally mature in that movie, nice. So let's say that something happened and his family didn't come home and he didn't save them. He would be way more capable of handling that money and that fame and that wealth than I would have been in his age because I was not emotionally mature. So I'm talking more from the perspective of you get a level six opportunity. If you're not level six mature, you can't handle level six feedback no-transcript. You ever had a client who, like had a really big opportunity but they just they didn't take it seriously and it they dropped the ball.

Kevin Palmieri:

Of course I've done that too. Same same. Well, I'd rather talk about other people than me, but you know, talk about me enough on the things I've done wrong, I'll be the one to say it.

Alan Lazaros:

I don't know why my voice is squeaking. I do believe that women, statistically, are more emotionally mature than men, and I will just say that that is what I've seen.

Kevin Palmieri:

That is what I've witnessed.

Alan Lazaros:

And I believe there's a lot of reasons for that Doesn't matter. I guess it does matter Humility, self-reflection, constantly more self-aware, all the stuff, and I also think there's some biological components. I also think there's some aka testosterone. I also think there's some cultural components. What I will say is that growing up, I definitely I mean there's a lot of things I can say I did. Well, I don't think I was super emotionally mature and again, I don't think I was less emotionally mature and again, I don't think I was less emotionally mature than other men. As a matter of fact, this is something we probably should touch on. If anyone out there watching or listening feels like something's different here I can give you one of them.

Alan Lazaros:

Kevin and I were both raised by women. We didn't have dads. I had a stepdad, but we didn't get along and I I didn't resonate. There wasn't a connection. Really, nlu, listener, what is happening? I just wanted to jump in here and let you know if you want to get to the next level faster. We have a free, virtual monthly meetup at the first thursday of every month. You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. The link to register will be in the show notes.

Alan Lazaros:

So I was raised by my older sister and my mother. You were raised by your grandmother and your mother and if something feels different here, I do think there's something to that. I still don't know how to put my finger on it, like I don't know what that is, but I do know I've been on other podcasts and I've been with certain clients and they're like you're different, there's something different about you than other men. And I said well, I was raised by women. I didn't have a dad, so I didn't have that like whatever that is patriarchal upbringing and I don't know what any of that means, honestly, but I do know that I do think, statistically speaking, I think we were probably a little bit more emotionally mature.

Alan Lazaros:

I remember I would see tears. I never saw my stepdad cry, not a single time. I would see tears. I never saw my stepdad cry not a single time. I would see my mom cry. For sure After a sad movie she'd come in, she'd cry that whole thing. And again, all of our parents do certain things really well, certain things not at all, some more than others. But that was one of the things that I thought my mom did well, which was show me that emotions are okay, and men, I don't think, are often taught that, especially back in the day. I think that's changing. I do. I coach several therapists. It's so interesting to say things like that. It's like I coach several therapists. I never expected that. You know, that was just a moment for me.

Alan Lazaros:

Yes, I coach many clinicians, but they I think that therapy for men is a statistic that's definitely going up, like we're more percentage, more percentage, more percentage of men have therapists now which?

Kevin Palmieri:

is good. Well, there's conversations happening about stuff that people didn't want to talk about before. Right, I think it's again. It's not the topic of the podcast, but such a big component of that is community. If I feel like I can't be vulnerable with you, then I'm not going to be vulnerable. If I'm not vulnerable with you, you're not going to know you can be vulnerable with me, and then we're not going to be vulnerable together and then we're not going to feel safe talking about vulnerable stuff on a platform and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now it's like you and I talk about all the time, but that started with you and I feeling safe with each other. Like that's a super, a super important thing. I had something I was going to say oh, definitely not emotionally mature when I was younger, no way.

Alan Lazaros:

Same Like super, super emotionally immature. Again, that's one of those. Do you think more than most men or no, because I don't think more than most men. In hindsight, like, are you comparing? If you're comparing to you now, of course very emotionally immature, but compared to other people you grew up with, I would say more for me.

Kevin Palmieri:

Eh no, I don't know, not until I was like I mean, what age are we talking?

Alan Lazaros:

yeah, I guess we do 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 yeah, not, I mean not until like 25.

Kevin Palmieri:

I don't think I know I talk about this a lot, but but like I Are you sure, man, you've been having deep conversations your whole life, have you not?

Alan Lazaros:

No, fuck no.

Kevin Palmieri:

Oh, okay, I really sped up. When you and I started talking before that, no man, no, I was completely different before. I would say probably 25. Is when it started, because I really started thinking about I. I tried to think from the perspective of other people as much as I thought of the perspective from me, and that helped me kevin and I.

Alan Lazaros:

Every now and then we'll look at old messages that we've sent. Oh, that's brutal there was a woman that I dated. I say dated loosely. We hung out for a time and we were kind of dating, going on dates not, and I looked at some of them I was just, oh no, some of the messages I was like, dude, shut up, shut your fucking I feel like that, yeah, yeah, that's, yeah, that's a really good example.

Kevin Palmieri:

What are you? Why are you fronting man? Because I, because I thought that's what I thought you had to be a little bit of an ass, no I wasn't an ass it was pretentious. Well, that's what I mean. I think that's what people are kind of taught. It's like well you gotta you know, mysterious, keep it mysterious.

Kevin Palmieri:

You always want them to. You always want her to think that she could be out on any side. It's like I don't have any fucking prospects of love here. I need this relationship. What the fuck are you telling? What are you teaching?

Alan Lazaros:

I used to say nice guys always lose, but but it's not because they're nice and I always thought it was because they didn't have goals. Of course, that was my solution to everything. Yeah, right, I feel like when you have goals and you're driven, I feel like women tend to be attracted to that. And again, women listeners. If you guys want to chime in, reach out to us. But now I coach so many women and I understand our listeners. A lot of them are women.

Alan Lazaros:

We've learned over many, many years the errors of our ways and through experience, but also through just learning from all these people, I know we got to jump here. Emotional maturity is something that Emilia really, really, really got me to understand, really, really got me to understand Emotional adaptability, emotional regulation, breathing techniques, coping, numbing all these different things. We had Tori Aletto come to two of our events. She talked about all this numbing, all the different coping mechanisms for emotions. I've learned so fucking much about how to be an emotionally mature man from just being a part of the conscious couples podcast, because we do relationship talks events every month and we present, and if you want, the cheat code on how to succeed in an intimate relationship, it is emotional maturity. That is where I would fucking start, like that is the start, because I've coached couples for four and a half years now almost four and a half and now almost four and a half and a lot of times it's again. Yeah, I'm going to call a spade a spade. A lot of times the man is just emotionally mature and that's a huge concern and I have certain people that I know are listening that have really transformed through that and their relationship is flourishing now and of course, it is right you just so for the ladies out there try to communicate better, like the necessity of vulnerability.

Alan Lazaros:

And just because you're vulnerable doesn't mean you're not strong. However, it doesn't mean that you need to be emotional all the time about everything. I heard this last thing. I know I got to go. I heard this on a clip recently. I thought it was very valuable. The time about everything. I heard this last thing. I know I got to go. I heard this on a clip recently. I thought it was very valuable. She said we don't want you to be emotional all the time like overly emotional, overly reactive, but we do want you to be vulnerable. There's a difference. There's a difference between being an emotional train wreck and being honest and sincere and vulnerable about something you're going through, and I think that the second one is strength. The first one is not, and again, that's another episode.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, I think that's a really good way to sum up emotional maturity. So I think it encapsulated this episode. Good sir, was that your next level lesson? Damn, so I would have more time to think about mine. I would say this is one of the unsung heroes of growing. When you grow, you face hard truths in yourself, and I think that it's easier to handle uncertainty and uncertain situations. And that's what, well, an argument often is feeling unseen or feeling uncertain or feeling A lot of things. But if you can take ownership and say, yeah, you know what, that's on me, that's on me, I, I could have done better. Cool, just make sure your partner is not always giving you the blame, because that's a. We've talked about that many times, so that's a whole nother thing. All right, if you're looking for a group of like-minded people. He's a gentle kick in the butt there every single day to help you get to the next level.

Alan Lazaros:

And if you want to be dialed in on fitness for spring and summer Next Level Fitness Accountability Group, it's totally free. We tried putting the link in the show notes and we got a bunch of bots, so please click the link. There won't be a link. Dm myself or Kevin on Instagram or email us, both of which will be in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan Lazaros:

Keep it next level, next Level Nation.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family.

Alan Lazaros:

We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Kevin Palmieri:

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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