Next Level University

2 Skills ALL Dream Chasers Need To Develop (2066)

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Are you chasing your goals or just trying not to let anyone down? In today’s powerful episode, Kevin and Alan open up about the emotional weight of disappointing others and yourself, on the path to personal growth. From missed opportunities to unspoken family expectations, they share real stories and lessons learned about holding the line, setting standards, and staying true to your goals.

Learn more about:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Dreamliner - https://a.co/d/9fPpxEt

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Free 30-minute Business Breakthrough Session with Alan -
https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-free-breakthrough-session?month=2025-04
Free 30-Minute Podcast Breakthrough Session with Kevin -
https://calendly.com/kevinpalmieri/free-30-minute-podcast-breakthrough-session-with-kevin

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:55) Choosing between dreams and relationships
(5:14) A hard lesson in self-disappointment
(10:23) The power of honest conversations
(16:27) Meet your people. Chase your dreams. Level up your life with Next Level Group Coaching. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
(19:35) Growth, identity, and alignment
(28:42) Insecurity, ego, and self-worth
(32:54) The real work: Disappoint, reflect, improve
(34:20) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin Palmieri:

I was on a great podcast the other day and the host asked me about what I was working through and what I was going through and I said one of the things that I'm excited to work on in therapy is my fear of disappointing people. That's something I've been dealing with for a long time. I said I think it comes from childhood, but I know, in order to get to where I want to get to, that is one of the main things I have to overcome.

Alan Lazaros:

Unfortunately, there's two sides to this coin. One how can you hold on to your self-belief and self-esteem while disappointing others? And the other side of the coin is how can you hold on to your self-belief and self-esteem while disappointing yourself?

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and I'm your co-host, alan Lazarus. At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Alan Lazaros:

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth.

Kevin Palmieri:

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success Self-improvement in your pocket every day, from anywhere, completely, completely free.

Kevin Palmieri:

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Today, for episode number 2066, we got another super hyper positive episode for you. The two skills all dream chasers need to develop. I was on a podcast the other day. So I was on a podcast on Saturday and it was I have a hair on my face somewhere. And it was a podcast on Saturday and it was hair on my face somewhere, and it was a podcast about entrepreneurship. And we got towards the end of the episode and I said can I just add one thing? And the guy was like yeah, sure, you imagine if he was like nope, everybody said yes so far. So that's good, it's a good, it's a good ratio. I said I think, as an entrepreneur and we'll carry that over to as a dream chaser, one skill that you need to develop, one thing that you need to get somewhat comfortable with is disappointing other people, because you are going to have to choose, even if it's not personal, you're going to have to choose between your dreams, your goals, your aspirations, the direction you're going in, and other opportunities that are presented to you. That, I think, is one of the hardest things in the world. Imagine okay, you have what's a good example.

Kevin Palmieri:

I used to have a client who was an interior designer. This person's friends didn't necessarily understand why they just couldn't get lunch Thursday at noon. They have a, they have a project that they're working on and if they don't work on the project they don't get paid. And if they don't get paid they go out of business. And if they go out of business they're not able to chase their dream anymore.

Kevin Palmieri:

You kind of have to get used to saying Alan, I appreciate the invite, man, I really do. Unfortunately, I have blank and blank that needs to get done and you're gonna feel the weight, you're gonna feel the energy of other people being disappointed. But I think that is a skill that we have to develop and we have to practice alan's on the sun today and we have to get used to as dream chasers, because if you have a priority and the priority is to grow the dream, I won't say everything else is going to be secondary, because whatever, that's kind of how it is for us, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that way for you, I guess. But if there is a priority, then something is coming first and something is coming second. But yeah, I've had to disappoint a lot of people on this journey, unfortunately.

Alan Lazaros:

Do you know why I was laughing or smiling in the beginning?

Kevin Palmieri:

During the opening no.

Alan Lazaros:

I had this intense urge to just jump in and say I'm so disappointed.

Kevin Palmieri:

I have those occasionally too, Like the internal. I have to hold myself back. You can't, you should have done it.

Alan Lazaros:

It would have ruined the opening or it would have been the best thing ever, probably the first one. I'm not actually disappointed. I think that would have been fucking hilarious, though I had a story come to me that I think is of very relevant to this, because I disappointed myself and others. So I had a study buddy back in college and his name was greg and he and I took differential equations together and it's probably around six at night. We're supposed to study big test in the morning, right, I think it's like 8 am test in college. You don't want to take an 8 am class. Bad idea. He had some grain alcohol as one does, does as one does in college and he was like, well, what if we just drank now and then studied later? We could go out, it'd be a blast. So you're not supposed to do this and seriously don't do this. But we took shots of grain alcohol I think it was three or four shots, which is like 180 proof 90 alcohol.

Alan Lazaros:

It's the equivalent of basically doing I don't know rubbing alcohol yeah it's, it's not good for you, and we never studied, bombedbed the test. Of course. Of course we went out, we raged and I just remember thinking and he and I had a conversation the next day we said we can never do that again. We can't do that again. That was terrible, it was awesome, we went out, it was a blast. But I remember thinking I really disappointed myself and we disappointed each other, because in those moments one of you has to hold the fucking line.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah.

Alan Lazaros:

Emilia and I all the time like who's going to hold the line tonight? Are we going to wait train or are we going to go for another walk? We're going to wait train. Let's get it right it's this morning now. It's not even tonight, it's this morning. Well, I missed this morning, so it's going to be tonight.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's gonna be tonight.

Alan Lazaros:

Tonight it will be but it will be in the morning from now on. Who's gonna hold the line? And here's the deal. When I say hold the line, that is the disappointment, that's the standard. Hold the line means this is the fucking standard pardon my french and we have to hit that or exceed that. Anything below that we will disappoint ourself or others. The problem is that line is unconscious or subconscious, and it's not. You don't know where that line is for everybody else.

Kevin Palmieri:

Oh, I feel like you do, I feel like you do.

Alan Lazaros:

I do.

Kevin Palmieri:

I feel like I have a pretty good. Maybe maybe I'm delusional, I don't know. I feel like I have a pretty good understanding where their line is.

Alan Lazaros:

What are their expectations? I don't feel like I have any idea what. So all these holidays right, Birthdays, Mother's Day, all these holidays everyone has an unconscious or subconscious expectation of what is to be expected on said holiday, Anniversaries, you name it. I don't think I've ever been really good at understanding what other people are expecting of me. I think I'm good at that in business, but in terms of relationships, I don't know if I understand what other people's standards are in those things, at least not to the extent that would be of value.

Kevin Palmieri:

I with my family. It's always been challenging because my family was just you don't have to come down, don't worry about it. That was always the feedback I was given. Yes, and the the older I've gotten, the more I realize I don't think that was real. Like I went and saw mom and memes yesterday and I've almost never would go down, but my mom and I have had conversations that that it's actually really important to her. I was like okay, I appreciate that.

Alan Lazaros:

That's the thing. Right Is everyone has their own expectations of everyone For sure, has their own expectations of everyone for sure. And one of the things that has been abundantly clear growing with you on this journey is that I had very high expectations imposed upon me from being smart or whatever, like. I was expected to get straight a's. I was expected to go to college. I was expected, and and I also expected that of myself too. And so I have a. I actually have a bookmark in my dreamliner. It's a flash flashcard. It's not really a bookmark, just a flashcard, and I, it says, note to self, diamonds are created by pressure. Demand more of yourself than anyone could possibly expect. And it's just my little friendly reminder.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's not friendly. It's not super friendly. I don't think it's a reminder. I don't know if it's friendly, little friendly reminder. It's not friendly. It's not super friendly. I don't think it's a reminder. I don't know if it's friendly.

Alan Lazaros:

Hey, big fan, no swears.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, there's no swears in there, I guess it's kind of friendly.

Alan Lazaros:

I signed it. Yeah, I guess it wouldn't be friendly if it was. Demand more of yourself than anyone could possibly expect. You fucking loser. Obviously joking guys Gotta have, obviously joking guys gotta have fun here.

Alan Lazaros:

But ultimately I do believe that demanding more of yourself is the only way to grow, because, okay, what's a good example of this? I want to be a father one day. I have to have higher standards of being a father than emilia's standards for me and then my kids' standards for a father, and I definitely have to beat the statistical average if I want to be a good father. What is the definition of a good father? It's someone who's more caring, more available, more capable, more of the guide. I don't know if, and I think of everything in numbers and statistics and bell curves.

Alan Lazaros:

Like Greg and I, we partied and we failed the test. We didn't fail the class. I got an A in the class. I had to come back after that, but that was below standard. That's not something that you do if you want to be a successful student, and the truth is, all of us have to impose those things on ourselves, because in college no one cares if you fail. But here's the problem. Mother's Day comes up. What does your mother expect? Okay, anniversary. What does your partner expect? Business partner? What do I expect of you? What do you expect of me?

Kevin Palmieri:

And on dream chasing, on the dream chasing journey, whether you're a business owner or not, you're going to let people down, no matter what in life, no matter what, because their expectations are always changing. Well, I think that's why it's so important to talk about it. I think it's so important to to have those conversations. Like my mom was very vulnerable with me and said she was sad that I didn't visit more. I was like I was under the assumption, the assumption that you didn't care. And that's I've literally been under that assumption for the last like 15 years, ever since I, ever since I got that job that required a ton of travel. I was never around and I thought you guys were fine with it. I appreciated, I said that. I said I don't, I am sad and it hurts to know that, but do not save me from that. Like I appreciate the fact that you were vulnerable. Awesome, I'll save me from that.

Alan Lazaros:

Like I appreciate the fact that you were vulnerable, like awesome, I'll do better, I'll do, I'll do different now, that's what vulnerable conversations do. But I think a lot of people they yeah, well, a lot of people aren't vulnerable and instead they'll do some passive, aggressive thing to try to get you to deduce that they actually are hurt, that you're not yeah, a taron gave me some feedback yesterday and I was like just just tell me what you, just tell me how you feel.

Kevin Palmieri:

So don't try to save me, I'll figure it out. Just tell me how you feel, that's all, that's fine. And she said well, I don't want to hurt you. I said I, I don't want to be hurt either, but I think that's just kind of how it goes. It's if there's feedback. I said well, that's, I think that's.

Kevin Palmieri:

The difference is like I'm not going to be disappointed if you tell me how you feel. I'll be disappointed with me. I'm not gonna be disappointed with you, I'll figure it out. I'll say I gotta get better, like I always do, and then I'll work really hard to get better and then I'll fuck up again at some point, in some way. I'm never gonna be perfect, but I think to your point, the less you, the less you disappoint yourself at least this is my the less you disappoint yourself with your own goals and your own alignment. I think the easier it is to handle your own self-disappointment when it's because of somebody else. I don't know if that makes any sense, but like, does it suck getting that type of feedback? Of course, of course. But I'm more disappointed in the fact that I didn't do better yet, and then I'll go and try to be better. But so you? I wanted to bring the perspective of disappointing others, you wanted to bring the perspective of disappointing yourself. What, yeah, take me, give me your perspective on that number one.

Alan Lazaros:

It all depends on your standards. Disappointment is a byproduct of not meeting a certain bar, and that bar is usually unconscious. So the first step is become hyper conscious, which means acutely aware. Throwback to the hyper conscious podcast way back. You have to become aware of what your standard actually is, and all, all of us are. And I wonder if this is this has to be a understanding, I think in the beginning of anyone's growth journey, are you consciously setting your own bars? You and I earlier today in a coaching session, we determined okay, this is how much you made last quarter, this is what we're going for this quarter. Okay, this is how much this happened this quarter. This is what we're going for. We set new goals. What is a goal? A goal is a. It's a target with a deadline that requires a certain standard.

Alan Lazaros:

My goal wasn't to bomb that test, I just did so. I disappointed myself and my study buddy. At the end of the day, if you're going to dream, chase and set goals, you're going to fail sometimes, and failure is nothing more or less than just disappointing a certain standard. You're either. I think all failure is disappointing yourself or others when a company doesn't hit its numbers, or when, when you don't win a show that you said you were going to win a fitness show, all of that. I was more upset with disappointing myself and others. Every time I've ever failed, I've disappointed myself or others or both, and it's really brutal, genuinely. What was my point of this whole episode? What did I want to say? I think I disappoint myself and others more than any other person I know, but I also think that's why I'm successful. So we can go into that well, I think it's.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think it's also because you're in the most alignment. It makes sense.

Alan Lazaros:

It makes sense yeah when people have high expectations of you and you have high expectations of yourself, you're always going to be failing forward. And Allen version 3.6 is disappointing people just as much as Allen version 1.6. Because my, this is the problem, and again, I don't necessarily think this is wrong the moment you hit a bar, you set a new one, you're supposed to. The reason I'm disappointed in my physique is because I set a higher bar in the past and I'm no longer meeting that standard, so of course, I'm disappointed. I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

Alan Lazaros:

A lot of people think well then, what's the point of all this If you're just going to spend your whole life in disappointment? The point is progress. I don't think you can make real tangible growth and progress without dealing. So I guess what I would say is what's your relationship with disappointment? What's your relationship with disappointing yourself and what's your relationship with disappointing others? Because if it's not constructive, then that's going to create tons of shame. If you get knocked down for a month every time you disappoint yourself, you're going to struggle forever, for sure.

Kevin Palmieri:

Do you? What's the difference between disappointing yourself based on trajectory versus disappointing yourself based on like, a moment, like?

Alan Lazaros:

an action.

Kevin Palmieri:

Like if you're frustrated with Emilia, versus because that's what always gets me it's like, ah, fuck, I should have done better, Not, yeah, I mean, I'm not in as good a shape as I want, but it's not. It's a different type of disappointment, I guess.

Alan Lazaros:

It's a good distinction, right yeah, momentary failure versus trajectory. I always prioritize trajectory. So right now I'm really disappointed in my social media, my brand, everything. I've raised the bar internally but externally it hasn't come up, and I actually think that's what growth is. I actually think there's a book and I don't want this to come out wrong, necessarily, cause I think there's a. This is definitely a value if you're on a certain end of the spectrum.

Kevin Palmieri:

So next level nation. What is happening? If you've thought to yourself I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes and we would love to see you there.

Alan Lazaros:

Have you heard Mel Robbins' new book of I forget? Forget what the name is? The?

Kevin Palmieri:

Let them Theory. Yes, the Let them Theory. New book of I forget, forget what the uh? The let them theory. Yes, the let them theory. Allegedly may, may or may not, have been taken from another creator.

Alan Lazaros:

Allegedly, you can do your own do your own research, of course, and again, at the end of the day, mel helps a lot of people. I'm not trying to crap on mel. What I am trying to help people understand is that just just lowering the bar on everything is not the answer. That's snuggie self-improvement Because, okay, I'm disappointed in myself as a CEO. Sometimes I'm disappointed in myself as a partner. Sometimes I'm disappointed in myself in the gym. Sometimes I'm disappointed in every area of my life. I'm missing the mark in so many areas Not every area, but here's the truth In real life, I'm far more capable than I've ever been by far. So I think growth is set a bar, farther than set a bar that's higher than you've ever set. It set a standard like the leader is the person with the highest internal standards.

Alan Lazaros:

I've had to let friends down because their, their expectations of what a friendship, friendship is, is way higher than what I can sustain, and I told youilia this recently. I said it's really hard for me at times because our families have expectations of what family means that we cannot sufficiently sustain and improve upon because of our current lifestyle. And they're at different stages right, they're in their later years where they have a lot more time than they used to. And we're in our thirties. Like this is not. No one has a lot of free time in their 30s, unless they're not really building much, in which case that's a very different story. But 30s are the prime time of you're building your career, and when you're around people that are in their later years that are kind of calming down and if you took them in their 30s, trust me, they didn't have any time either. They were building too.

Alan Lazaros:

And it's like when you have kids, everyone understands suddenly you now. Oh well, they have kids, so they can't come around anymore. Well, what if you and I don't have an excuse? In other people's consciousness it's like, well, why can't they spend time? They're on social media? Well, what if that's part of our job, Right? So this is a whole thing At the end of the day. I want to flip this and ask you too. For me, trajectory matters more. I have to look at trajectory. I feel really good about my current trajectory and really terrible about my current results. For you it might be the opposite, because that's what it tends to be, but I'd ask.

Alan Lazaros:

No, I feel good about both, about both nice, but isn't it because you're beyond where you've ever been and beyond your own standard, or at least at par with your own standard? I?

Kevin Palmieri:

think it's. I'm just not. I guess I'm not that far off. Yeah, what's the?

Alan Lazaros:

gap I don't.

Kevin Palmieri:

Yeah, the gap is. It's small, it's manageable enough and I feel like I'm making meaningful. So much of it for me is like the identity. It's like I'm a bodybuilder again. I don't that makes me so happy. And now I'm making really good progress and it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be and I don't know but and it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be and I don't know but I'm not nearly in as good a shape as I want to be, but I'm also in the best shape I've been in, however many years. It's that, it's the, it's the duality of I'm not nearly as good. I mean, a bad day when I was 27 is better than a good day today, in terms of fitness, unfortunately. But the gap is closing and it's closing pretty quickly, so that feels really good. And then everything else. I don't know, I don't, I'm just not.

Kevin Palmieri:

I think there are some people that can guilt themselves into growth. I'm not one of them. I don't really do well with that. I don't do well with guilting myself into growth. I'm not one of them. I don't really do well with that. I don't do well with guilting myself into growth. I think I do really well with appreciating the growth, putting myself under pressure and then if I ever, if I ever start to struggle, I give myself a gentle kick in the ass, like the other day I was.

Alan Lazaros:

It was like I think it was saturday morning and I was like I do not want to fucking do this and I was like kev figure it out Saturday morning and I was like I do not want to fucking do this and I was like Kev figure it out, just fucking figure it out. How often do you let yourself off the hook? Remember, you read a study about people who hold it in their mind longer.

Kevin Palmieri:

It was a YouTube video. It was a YouTube video. The people that are the most consistent are the ones that hold the conflict in their mind longer. So, like if you just make a decision. This is why decision making is good and bad. If I Okay, remember you, and I recorded late on Friday I think and I was like, dude, I'm getting fucking pizza. I don't care, I didn't get pizza. The reason I didn't get pizza Is because I kept thinking about it and I was like what am I going to get? Well, get pizzas. Because I kept thinking about it and I was like what am I gonna get? Well, I kind of want this, I kind of want this pizza. And I was like, am I gonna go get it? It's pouring out, it's already like seven o'clock. Do I really want to wait another 30 minutes to eat? And eventually I just kept thinking about it so much where I just said you know what I'm not gonna do, it that's.

Alan Lazaros:

And then I went to your standard is your standard, your standard and your goal. Your goal is to save money, your goal is to diet. So, yeah, the goals determine the standard and the standard determines the awareness implementation gap. The awareness implementation gap, to explain this, is Kevin has a certain awareness about fitness. You will not be fulfilled, while if you're aware of how to be in shape and you value being in shape, and you're not doing what's necessary to be in shape, you don't get to feel good. I think that's how the human psyche and physiology is wired, in a way where it's goal seeking I think you can decide that you don't want to do it, though you can.

Alan Lazaros:

but there's something to that too. Yeah, but how did that?

Kevin Palmieri:

go. I got exactly the result that I deserved, but that bothered you eventually? Yeah, but I think it probably bothered me less than it bothered you, because I knew it was happening. There's something about consciously shifting trajectory.

Kevin Palmieri:

There's something about that. I had a moment the other night where I was kind of done my calories for the night and I had a cookie and I was like I'm going to have one more cookie and then after I ate that cookie, I was like, all right, if I had any more, I'd be disappointed in the fact that I'm really pushing it. Now again, I have a very positive relationship with eating, so I know that's not the case for everybody, but I think sometimes, if we just slow down, just slow down and think about it, would I regret or would I be disappointed if I went to the next level? Hmm, yeah, probably, okay, cool, I think about that all the time. That's the question I try to ask myself. Would I regret this or would I be disappointed in this?

Alan Lazaros:

Well that's why I do believe the let them theory has some value is because every human being is playing a bunch of unwinnable games. Seriously, you can never please your entire family. You can never please all of your friends. Imagine a human being who wants to please all their friends, please all of their family, please all of their clients and colleagues and mentors and mentees, and never miss a workout and never miss a podcast. And I always say you can only have so many musts. Right now I'm doing this new next level sales system. I'm also teaching it. You can only have so many musts before you're up at 11 o'clock at night writing.

Alan Lazaros:

I used to do a blog. I had something called the big five to thrive and we changed it to the big five to die, and the reason why is because I just couldn't. It was ridiculous. I was nodding off at night. You know I'm supposed to have some quality time and I have my laptop in my bed at 1130 at night. That's not. It's not good for me, it's not good for my relationship. So everybody has to stay in this sort of construction zone and I really want I made this clear on book club too book club every Saturday and anyone listening who has been at book club.

Alan Lazaros:

I hammered this point. I just want you to know. I said who here would be insecure if we all went to the beach in a bathing suit and everyone raised their hand and everyone was like Including you oh yeah, oh yeah, fluffy as fuck, not good, especially in the sun. Again, I look good in a shirt, but specifically this shirt. No, but ultimately the truth is yes, of course. Now would I be as insecure as other people? That's a different question. There's people I don't think there's almost anyone who's not insecure when they're in a bathing suit. I think there's people who pretend they're not. There's very few people who don't have an ego. I think most ego is just pretending you're not insecure when you are.

Kevin Palmieri:

It's called a psychological immune system when you were in really good shape, were you insecure. Insecure.

Alan Lazaros:

Really, yeah, not as much as now, but yeah, see, that was never insecure. You literally called me fat after a photo shoot once.

Kevin Palmieri:

You were out of shape compared to where you needed to be. What do you want me to tell you? I had a ripped up six pack, eight pack. You were not where you needed to be. I know and I agree with you. What do you want me to tell you? The truth? If you said I I just want to go to the beach and feel good fuck yeah, you win. Strong work, awesome, great, you did it. You could have stopped months ago. You want to look good in the photo shoot.

Alan Lazaros:

You're not lean enough, son. So for you, everything is based on the goal. For me, I don't know.

Alan Lazaros:

Because the standard is based on the goal. And again, I wasn't super insecure. There was a time in my life where I loved lifting my shirt up, absolutely. It's not right now, but I'm still okay.

Alan Lazaros:

Now, here's the deal, and I want all the listeners to understand this there's no one who's fully secure and no one who's fully insecure. It's a spectrum zero to 10. And what I've come to realize is that everyone is insecure as hell about something, and I've coached so many people now that it's so obvious. Now I have some people that shouldn't be insecure in fitness, that are super insecure about it, and then there's some people that should be insecure and aren't. But what I do know is everyone I've ever met is insecure about something. And in book club, brandon is in great shape, all things considered, statistically speaking. Brandon, my man, what's up? I'm coaching him later today. Actually, he's run a mile a day every day for almost a thousand days and he's killing it in the gym. He's doing his thing. And I said, brandon, I think everyone in this book club believes that you're not insecure about your physique. And he came on camera not on camera, but he came on mic and he said I'm insecure as hell, like absolutely. Of course I'd be insecure at the beach. I'm fluffy right now. I said, see, I need you all to know that Brandon, mr Athletic, is still not that pumped, and I explained this. The reason why is because his standards are so much higher than this, and even in those photo shoots back then it's only in hindsight that I realized, wow, I really had it going, because back then the only reason I got to that level is because I was shooting way higher than that. And so I think what happens is you, I think, set a goal that's a little more short term and then you get in alignment with it and then during that alignment you feel like pretty good about it, whereas I'm playing a game that's so far in the future that it's a little more unwinnable in the present. But I do want everyone to know that I am fulfilled along the way, and I think that's why this is so hard to explain.

Alan Lazaros:

And I hope a couple things land real quick. One you're not the only person insecure. I promise you that A lot of people are pretending not to be, and these people that get plastic surgery, all this like, trust me, that's not based on security. There's a lot of people with plastic surgery that act like they're super secure. The truth is they're not, I promise you. I've met them, I've hung out with them, like I get it, and I'm not making that wrong either. But I mean, just don't, don't.

Alan Lazaros:

Even back in the day, kevin and I we seemed so secure, but it was mostly ego and a lot of people couldn't tell we were. So I listened to an episode, a clip of an episode from episode 888. And I sounded more secure then than I probably do now. But I know deep down I was less secure then than I am now. And so just remember, ego is a mask for insecurity and everyone has an ego. It's just to what extent? The bigger the ego, the more someone is insecure. And I'm not making that wrong either. I'm just saying you got to understand that, because I don't want you, I don't want everyone to spend the rest of their life disappointing themselves and others and think they're alone in that, because everybody is disappointing themselves and others to a certain extent.

Alan Lazaros:

The question is how do you win at your own game? By actually defining it and then make sure that you create relationships that are actually sustainable for you. Because that's what I've had to do, is I've had to kind of just okay, well, I'm not going to try to win at that. I'm not going to try to win at that. I'm not going to try to win at that because I'm never going to be able to meet that person's and you helped me with that a lot in the past. You said you're never going to be able to go to those parties, you're never going to be able to be.

Alan Lazaros:

I had a close friend of mine. I went to his son's fourth birthday party, or third birthday party. I brought Emilia and I had this moment on the way home of I don't think I'm going to be able to do that anymore. If I want to achieve my goals and that's the if, it's a big if. If I don't have any goals, I can do this all the time. But there there's something that all of us have to sacrifice to align with our highest self and our goals, and that's up to each of us. So I'd kick it to you.

Kevin Palmieri:

Well, even to your point, I think one of the best ways to get over the fear of disappointing others is to understand that you probably are going to have to choose between disappointing yourself or disappointing others, and that's up to you. That's up to you. That's helped me. We had Alan and I were. We were recording an episode last week and alan's wi-fi went out as this whole shit show and I literally had to. Not, I didn't even cancel the podcast in time, I was. It was 402 and I was supposed to be on the podcast at four and I sent them an email. I felt fucking terrible.

Alan Lazaros:

Yeah, it's not a good look, it's I felt it feels I so disappointed, but I had to send an audio to Claudia. Shout out to you, claudia, and I just said I'm so sorry and it was yeah, and this is the truth.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'd be more disappointed if we missed an episode. So this is what I have to do. This again sucks. I was disappointed that you were disappointed in me and I was sad and I felt bad, but I had to do the thing that I was going to be okay with and that's helped me at least. Am I good at this? No, I think I am fairly good at disappointing other people I but I internalize the hell out of it. So that's, that will be one of the main focuses when I get my I, when I get in my new therapist this week or next week. Nice.

Alan Lazaros:

How, how, and that's what therapy is good for I'm so I mean, that's helped me tremendously too. Let's wrap this in a boat. Next level lesson. I know I gotta jump. How do we, how did you overcome this? Because I I don't have a good answer, other than I just kept doing it and I didn't I didn't.

Kevin Palmieri:

It just rocks me less. Same, it still fucks with me when I disappoint. It's still one of the hardest things. I'm in a I'm in a business in terms of like next level podcast solutions where I literally try to avoid disappointing people seven days a week and every time I do it's. It's never. It's always a losing game, but it's just less losing. Yes, right, and again, we, we do really good, like, we do a really good job and I try to focus on that as much as possible. But when somebody is disappointed, it's my job to figure out how to avoid that in the future and I take 100% ownership. Every time it's on me, it's on me. It's on me, it's on me Even if I had nothing to do with it. It is on me at the end of the day. So that's the other hard part about it.

Alan Lazaros:

And so I don't know, I don't have a successful company. But that's also detrimental to your self-worth if you don't do that right.

Kevin Palmieri:

You've got to be very careful with all this, so for the listeners out there.

Alan Lazaros:

You're not alone in this and I hope that if nothing else lands, you realize I am disappointing myself and others regularly. I'm just doing a better job with it, I guess, and Kev same deal.

Kevin Palmieri:

So those are the two skills disappointing others and being okay with it, and disappointing yourself and figuring out how to close the gap on that disappointment. Those are the two things, all right. Cool, if you are looking for a group of like-minded humans into personal development and people that are aspiring I don't know why I said it in such a strange way to get to the next level, next Level Nation. Our private Facebook group will have the link in the show notes.

Alan Lazaros:

If you would like a Next Level Dream Liner, I just started a fresh one, nice as of yesterday. Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. It helps me stay on course tremendously and it helps me make sure I'm not disappointing myself every goddamn day. Seriously, it is doable. It's sustainable. It's one page and one question. Top three gratitudes. It starts with with gratitude. I have noticed when I stopped doing it, I've noticed a difference in my life. So it's on amazon. The link will be in the show notes. It's affordable. I just give it a shot and go with the hard copy. I like the hard copy a lot. They're the same price so, but it might take two weeks to get to you.

Kevin Palmieri:

I feel like that's you just you for some reason, you and I think that might be true everybody else gets in in a timely manner. You and I just just like well, they don't get that eventually I think it's because we're getting author copies. Oh yeah, that's probably why so they should get it within two to three days. Are we considered authors now technically?

Alan Lazaros:

yes, but no, best selling, no, okay, not yet, never mind, unless we want to lie about it, which we don't no, we don't want to lie about it. I'd rather be a loser, unless we want to lie about it, which we don't. No, we don't want to lie about it.

Kevin Palmieri:

I'd rather be a loser for longer than have to lie about it. Facts I'm good at being a loser.

Alan Lazaros:

Well, that's what we're choosing. Yes, that is what we're choosing, all right.

Kevin Palmieri:

As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. Next Level Nation.

Alan Lazaros:

We'll talk to you tomorrow.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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